nomorepoison: Recovering from SSRIs/benzos/anti-psychotics

[nomorepoison]

Hi,

 

I'm about a year into recovery.  I had been on a few SSRIs in my late teens and early 20s.  In my mid 20s, I went on Prozac, which took away the depression for about a year.  When it wore off, the psychiatrist's answer was a higher dosage along with Trilafon. Pretty much slept all the time and put on weight despite exercising when I was awake.  

 

A couple years ago, was put on Abilify, only for about a month, but I noticed that it still had changed my brain chemsitry.  Was also put on Latuda for about a month and a high amount of Klonopin for no apparent reason.

 

I started researching online and withdrew around this time last year with the help of my GP.  Lost 30 pounds in my gut immediately and went back to my pre-Prozac body.

 

I'm left with a mind that is unable to focus on one thing at a time.  My mind and body also feel disorganized and not in sync.  I was always clumsy and had dyspraxia but not to this extent. 

 

I'm masturbating about 10-15 times a week, not out of visual stimulation or pleasure, but I'm guessing because the pills suppressed the ability to orgasm.  Hasn't decreased at all and doesn't match my desires and has made the withdrawal a lot worse than it already would have been.

 

The brain zaps appear out of the blue even when I'm not stressed.  Every horrible thing that's ever been said to me is playing through my mind, yet I can't even remember what day of the week it is.  

 

The sleep is the worst I've had in my life.  I'm used to having the vivid nightmares on or off meds, but I don't feel like I have any control of when I fall asleep. 

 

If I'm watching a TV show or movie, I don't even hear the dialogue or follow the basic plot.  I'm also having problems with basic reading comprehension.

 

I had temporarily reinstated 0.25 of klonapin for a couple weeks last summer but quickly withdrew when I was experiencing more symptoms. 

 

Since then I've been doing acupuncture but it can only help so much.  It's relaxing but doesn't help with any of the symptoms. Probably would have been more effective a decade ago without the meds in my system.

 

There's also been a lot of unexpected stress that has probably raised my anxiety levels, but the problems would be there regardless.

 

The biggest concerns, to me, are the brain zaps and the unwanted heightened sex drive.  I'm guessing that the excess testosterone increases my anxiety and agitation levels.  When I orgasm, I just feel depressed because I feel like I have no control over the issue. I've looked into castration because it's too much to handle.

 

Thanks for listening if you got this far.

[KarenB]

You're welcome - yes, I got this far .  Thanks for sharing your story with us - you certainly are dealing with a lot right now.  I hope some of the information we have here will help you to feel less alone on your journey. 

 

When you stopped the drugs this time last year, how did you do that?  We recommend a gentle taper, reducing by no more than 10% of your current dose each month.  This allows your brain time to adjust as you go, and lessens any withdrawal.  Please put your withdrawal history in your signature – all drugs/dates/dosages etc - so we can see your situation easily whenever you post, and help you more accurately.  Thanks.

 

A year is quite a while in terms of a possible reinstatement - especially considering you already tried a reinstatement of klonopin - but in case you want to consider it, here is our thread that discusses it:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7562-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-symptoms/  If you decided to reinstate, it would be of a very small amount, say 1mg, and once you were stable again you could taper off according to our 10% monthly guide.

 

Sometimes, it's just time and good self-care that are needed.  For some people - most unfairly - w/d does take longer to end.  There are other members here who are also waiting a long time.  Are there supportive people in your life, or things that you are doing to get yourself through this difficult time?

 

The troublesome thing with SSRIs is that you can't just flush their effects out of your system.  They change the way your brain works, and that takes much longer to heal.  Suddenly stopping the drug puts your brain and Central Nervous System into shock.  It's like yanking a trellis out of a garden instead of gently untangling the plants and slowly removing the wood – it’s too much trauma for the plants/your brain.  (For the source of that simile, plus further discussion, see http://survivinganti...el-your-brain/)

 

Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder  Have a read of this thread - it sounds like it might be what you are experiencing.  Generally, people find that this symptom eases over time.  You might also find useful information in these threads: 

Symptom Checklist

Melt into your own life

Many people find Fish oil and Magnesium useful during withdrawal.   

Non-Drug Techniques to cope with emotional symptoms.

 

Things to avoid:  caffeine, alcohol, junky food, excessive exercise, dehydration.

 

Have a read of those links and then you can come back to this thread to discuss things further.  This can be your journal to record your tapering and healing progress, and to ask questions. 

 

Welcome to SA,

Karen

[nomorepoison]

Hi Karen,

 

Thanks for the welcome and the links.  I don't remember exact dates and dosages, but I provided a rough outline in my signature.

 

I had been on a low dosage of Latuda in early 2016 for a short period of time and it pretty much just flushed out on its own, so I was left with just 1.5mg of klonopin and used the 10 percent method with the help of my doctor and mother.  

 

A couple months later there was an unexpected emergency with extended family that involved a lot of activity around the house while I wasn't at all stabilized and only now has started to have any closure for everyone involved. 

 

The reinstatement was a poor decision.  It's almost like it turned the withdrawal up a notch. 

 

What's helped is moments of inactivity where I listen to music or do anything to distract myself.  The acupuncture is relaxing and sometimes provides breathing room to get through the week, but doesn't help with any of the withdrawal related symptoms.

 

I've been avoiding caffeine and junk food, never was a big drinker but learned the hard way that having even one or two drinks socially isn't the best idea during recovery.  Fish oil and magnesium help for a lot of people but didn't do anything either way for me.  

 

The exercise is tricky.  There were times when I felt good enough to lift small weights to rebuild arm strength, and it just aggravated the headaches and brain zaps. Walking helps when the symptoms are at a minimum.

 

I had read the persistent general arousal disorder link before I signed up and makes a lot of sense.  When I was on Prozac, it was the opposite.  I was hypersexual without the desire to masturbate as often and without the ability to orgasm when I was with a woman.  Now it's the complete opposite where I hardly think about women or sex, but regularly have to masturbate.  

 

I don't plan on making daily updates.  It helps to read the stories and know that other people are also doing their best to recover.

 

Thanks and good luck to everyone.

[India]

On 3/25/2017 at 1:35 PM, nomorepoison said:

My mind and body also feel disorganized and not in sync.  I was always clumsy and had dyspraxia but not to this extent. 

Since Dyspraxia is a neurological condition. My theory ( from my own subjective experience ) is that it worsens WD.. my coordination is horrendous . I think it must impact on all symptoms but still believe we heal. There is some suggestion about dyspraxia being a result of immaturity of motor neurones and involving brain stem.