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Christiana's Journey Through Hell


Christiana

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So very sorry to hear this Christiana.

 

Thinking of you and sending love, warmth and healing thoughts.

 

 

I came off Seroxat in August 2005 after a 4 month taper. I was initially prescibed a benzo for several months and then Prozac for 5 years and after that, Seroxat for 3 years and 9 months.

 

"It's like in the great stories Mr.Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end it's only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it'll shine out the clearer."  Samwise Gamgee, Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers

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Hugs & prayers being sent your way.

 

Jan. 1994 Pamelor

2000 switched to Zoloft 

2011 Zoloft pooped out- Dr. switched me directly to Lexapro15mg -had a horrible 6mths

2013 upped Lexapro to 20 mgs-pooped out

June 2013 Dr. added 150 Wellbutrin to Lexapro.

July 2013 Switched back to Zoloft 100mgs.Was still taking Wellbutrin. Lots of anxiety from the Wellbutrin

July 2013 Started to wean Wellbutrin- off by Sept.

Oct. 2013 added 400 mgs of Neurotin to the Zoloft

Jan 2014 Tapered off of the Zoloft and onto Prozac 30 mgs. Also still taking 400 mgs Neurotin

Feb 2014 Reduced Prozac to 13 mgs. Still taking 400 mgs Neurotin

Aug. 2014 Prozac 13 mgs. Finished with Neurotin. .7 Risperadol

 

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I am so sorry, Christiana.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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  • 4 months later...

A huge thank you so much to everyone! (Big hugs)

 

I've been through so much over the past year, I've had more bad days than good. As soon as I can get my head up, it never lasts very long and right back down I go again. I'm feeling so awfully bad right now, I can hardly stand it. I live under a lot of stress, which is so draining. I must get out from under, at least, some of it. I'm trying, but I just can't figure it out. I have to admit, I'm scared, but I keep telling myself, I WILL find the answer and it WILL get better!

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

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  • 1 year later...

How are you doing at 6 years out Christiana

Was on Citalopram 20mg since Feb 2008 - switched to Paxil 20mg in August 2010

Tapered way too fast in April 2012 by skipping days. Taper completed in 6 weeks

Tried prozac 20mg for 3 days - felt spaced out, not better.

Tried 30mg Cymbalta for 2 days. SEVERE ADVERSE REACTION

Antidepressant free since 14 August 2012

Birth control on and off during this time - Last taken 18 June 2017 - Morning after pill 

Started mainly using 0.5mg Xanax beginning 2016 for severe panic attacks and anxiety due to trauma

Xanax on and off never more than 0.5mg at a time, never taking it 3 days in a row - used sparingly 

 

6 Years antidepressant free - Still in severe withdrawal with over 60 symptoms

Severe setback started May 2018 with no let up to date. Developed many new symptoms like tremors, inner vibrations, insomnia, visual distortions and dr/dp are 100x worse, i have severe sensitivity to movement, My dizziness and vertigo got worse and it now feels like im constantly rocking on a boat, my anxiety is sky high, suicidal idiation is back, i feel extremely brain damaged 

 

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Just read through your posts.  I am so terribly sorry you went through all of this.  I had an adverse reaction as well, tried other ADs for 2 months and then quit cold turkey about 6 months ago and it has been a nightmare.  Is it possible to tell us what your adverse reaction consisted of? I hope you are doing better if not 100% healed!

Dec 2014 I tried Zoloft 25mg for one week (adverse reaction - extreme anxiety and felt like I was on an amphetamine). Dr. said to quit cold turkey, so I not only quit Zoloft but also 2 weeks of Xanax .25mg -- extreme dizziness, hyperarousal and anxiety began! On Jan. 29, 2015 my psychiatrist put me on new stuff and this is how my next 2 months and 7 days looked like (I was having the same bad reactions to all of these):Effexor XR 37.5mg (3 days) - throwing up, heart palpations, night tremors/convulsions or something where whole body shakes for a second, Prozac 10mg (15 days), Prozac 20mg (7 days) - internal restlessness, electric current through body/brain (not zaps), agitation, intense fear and could no longer nap at this point (still can't today because of this), Lexapro 5mg (4 days) - same as Prozac, a horror show...extreme internal agitation, Lexapro 7.5mg (2 days), Lexapro 10mg (16 days), Zoloft 12.5mg (3 days)...she said try it again since my blood relative does well on it, Zoloft 25mg (7 days) - same as before and getting worse!! Zoloft 50mg (6 days), Zoloft 25mg (4 days and then came off cold turkey on April 8, 2015). I used Xanax .25mg about 7 times per month through all of this until June 30, 2015 (my last benzo dose). Extreme anxiety, nervous system traumatized, mental akathisia, anger triggered by nothing but the brain totally going off on its own, feeling of a pressurized electric current going through me like my brain and body are trying to explode, stress reaction x10000 to everything, waking in terror lasting all day, fear, very sensitive, brain can't keep up, don't know what to do with myself, feeling like everything is going too fast and I can't keep up, helium head, deep depression like something is ripping out my soul, out of my mind, can hardly drive or be alone, cognitive issues, simple tasks are so complex and straining, feel disturbed because the brain can't process anything right even though your brain tries so hard and it makes you go mad, episodes of deep anguish with a sick toxic poison feeling (like you have some unknown virus).

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  • 6 years later...

I hope you are feeling better. 

ProzacNovember 2019: 10MG start

January 2021: up to 60MG 

march 2021: Valium everyday 2MG twice a day for a month or after that take as needed 

April 2021-May: taper to 0MG

June 2021: Zoloft 7 days and ween off. 
August 2021: escitalopram 5MG-10MG

August 2021: Propanol 10MG-20MG as needed 

September 2021: weened off escitalopram over a week.

October 30th: Citalopram 20MG 

November 10th: stopped - 10MG 2 days. 
November 14th: Prozac 20MG

November 18th: stop C/T 

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  • 5 months later...

@christiana how have you been nowadays please drop an update, hugs!

2013-2021 Lexapro 20mg

10-21 started lexapro tapering

3-22 lexapro free
5-22 started to get paresthesia all over body mainly in legs , numbness, tingling, stinging sensations 

6-22 neurologist started me on Lyrica 25mg twice a day to see if it helps with the paresthesia, got a nerve conduction test which was negative

6-22 neurologist suggested quitting lyrica as it isnt seem to be helping, and reinstating 5mg lexapro to see if it helps with the symptoms, thinking of starting lower at 2.5mg

6-13-22 stopped lyrica by doctor order (only took it 4 days )

6-14-22 reinstated 2.5mg lexapro

6-15-22 neurologist added 10mg amitriptyline to try and help with paresthesia sensory symptoms

6-22-22 updose to 5mg lexapro (bad reaction, paresthesia got worse, back to 2.5mg next day)

6-27-22 went to see a new internal doctor, per symptoms (lack of appetite that had been going on for almost a month, the paresthesia, and gi problems), told me to suspend everything i was taking and take new low dose combination drug (Adepsique) 5mg amitriptyline/ 1.5mg Diazepam / 1mg Perphenazine and 40mg Propranolol for daytime sinus tachycardia

 

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