deejay: 34 years old recovery in process

[PoetJester]

Hi Deejay

 

i quit zoloft and zyprexa 4 1/2 years ago cold turkey after 14 years on the drugs and am dealing with a lot of the same things that you are.  i have the instant dreaming when i close my eyes (they are called hypnagogic hallucinations) and also almost nightly nightmares that seem to come from another part of the brain altogether-  i am getting into fights or being arrested or being murdered quite a bit and the dreams that aren't horrible, are vivid and depressing and i wake up exhausted most of the time.  i am 46 and developed the huge bags under my eyes within about 5 or 6 months off the drugs.  

 

if you can, going for night walks of a few miles helps with sleep or sometimes the brain can heal from just giving it rest- usually like a year or two.   i am not sure what else to tell you, but you can go on for a while even though it feels like you can't.  there are a lot of us in the crap sleep after quitting zoloft club.  if you look around on the introductions page you can find more stories similar.  i do know of someone who i have spoken with on facebook who had started zoloft rather early on at  age 16 or so and was on it for about 6 years and quit it cold turkey, had cognitive problems including short term memory issues, and then had a reaction to zoloft several months later when he reinstated and ended up in the ER.  he started up on a different anti depressant later on and is doing pretty well.  it happens sometimes that restarting the same med can cause an adverse reaction.  

 

Poetjester (Derek)

[AussieShell]

You are on a very high dose of Seroquel and also a high dose of Zoloft, along with the herbs and just starting the Mirtazipine too. I am sure one of the moderaters can give more specific advice on what you should do from here as it is complicated. But my thought would be that it is all too much at once. When did you start having the vision problems? Was it around the time you reinstated the Zoloft at 200mg?

 

I agree with the comment earlier that reinstating the Zoloft at 200mg was probably high and that going back on a low amount from cold turkey may have relieved the withdrawl symptoms, but going on the high dose seems to have caused a lot of problems for you. I know from my experience there are withdrawl symptoms and then there are withdrawl symptoms! I know you feel like life will never be right again, but it can and it will be. The advice of this group saw me regain life when I really thought I had messed things up so horribly that I was never going to be able to function again. It does take time, but with their support it took far less time to feel better than when I was chopping, changing and trying everything on my own (or at dr's advice) just to feel better. I so feel for where you are at now.

[deejay]

Morning one sais "each pill contains extract concentrate equivalent to dry herb"

 

Phyllostachys Nigra stem 51mg

Glycyrrhiza Uralensis root 25.5mg

Scutellaria Baicalensis root 85mg

Trichosanthes Kirilowii fruit 102mg

Poriacocos root 85mg

Pinellia ternate root 68mg

Citrus reticulata fruit peel 85mg

Citrus Aurantium fruit peel 85mg

Stemona Sessilifolia Rhizome 68mg

Zingiber Officinaie root 25.5mg

Platycodon Grandiflorus Rhizome 102mg

Peucedanum Praeruptorum root 68mg

 

 

 

Evening one sais "each pill contains extract concentrate equivalent to dry herb"

 

Astragalus membranaceus root 25.86mg

Atractylodes macrocephala rhizome 51.72mg

Dimocarpus longan seed aril 51.72mg

Polygala tenuifolia root 51.72mg

Poriacocos hyphae 51.72mg

Ziziphus jujube root 12.93mg

Ziziphus jujube var. spinose seed 25.86

also contains herbal powder 

angelica polymorpha root 51.72mg

codonopsis  pilosula root 25.86

glycyrrhiza uralensis root and rhizome 12.93mg

Saussurea costus root 12.93mg

 

Bed time one is written all in Chinese so I don't know. I went to see a well known Chinese Doctor and he gave them to me plus acupunture

 

 

[deejay]

I am also taking a Meletonin sleep oral spray (6 sprays per night) which contains about 10 things but I can't read them right now because vision is blurred.

 

After taking the initial dose of 200mg Zoloft on the 3rd March I felt good again as stated above then 24 hours later everything turned to ****. I tried back on 50mg for a couple of weeks, then 100mg then back up to 200. 

 

My vision changed about 5 days later after the 3rd

[deejay]

I have thought about just going off all meds and putting it in the hands of God but I would probably end up worse, evan though things couldn't possibly get any worse

[PoetJester]

you could also try reading Bellatrix's introduction on here.  she had been off of Lexapro for 8 months and had one failed reinstatement and then had tried again with very tiny microdoses of liquid lexapro, like .03mg and slowly worked her way up to .4 mg of the drug when things returned back to normal for her.  

 

i also tried mirtazapine in wd and had pretty bad side effects from it, including - swelling of my feet, headaches, blurry vision, loss of motivation/libido.  

 

 

 

poetjester

[deejay]

I did not want to take Mirtazipne, the Psych told me try it. Then I get a drilling a week or so later by the Doctor asking why I'm not on it so I have been on it for about a week

 

They have no idea what I'm going through and it infuriates me 

[deejay]

I only took 200mg Seroquel last night and I might continue to do so then taper off it, I don't know

 

PoetJester do you here your inner voice talking to you? I know I'm not a Skitzophrenic because I know all these thoughts, words, nonsense in my head are mine and are not coming from elsewhere although somedays I wish they were because they are that bad and distressing.

 

I do here other stuff while trying to fall asleep someties though, like other peoples voices, music etc.. have evan heard screaming. I know that's it's my brain that's gone haywire but it just upsets me so much.

 

My hearing sense are different also, upclose things are extremely loud to the point my ears hurt

[ChessieCat]

Hi DJ,

 

Could you please correct these dates in your signature, it is only 9th June 2018 in Australia!

 

4th March - 16th June 2018 Diazepam, Tamezepam, Oxazipam, Apo-Propanolol

16th June 2018 Lorazepam 1mg - 1/5 mg- 1/4mg 

18th June 2018 Chinese Herbal Tablets x8 morning x8 evening x8 before bed

[deejay]

Could it be a complete psychotic break? Because I am terrified it is. Maybe I do just need to be admitted although they will not understand

[deejay]

Chessie Cat done.. my mind is no longer with me

[deejay]

For the first 3-4 weeks after stopping cold turkey last Oct 2017 I had side affects.. The brain zaps, nausea, vomiting and just feeling sick but all that subsided for the next 2 and abit months and I thought I was in the clear. Then the 4th month just went down hill rapidly. But I still had perfect sleep up until I re-instated the Zoloft on the 3rd March 2018

[deejay]

I know I have caused damage to my brain, how else can you account for the complete visual change and hallucinations

[deejay]

Also how else can you account for the involuntary talking under my breath both during the day and when I'm trying to fall asleep and waking up if it's not brain damage?

 

I have found Logorrhea and Pressure of Speech.

 

It's worse when I'm just luying in bed than during the day, it is literally like something is forcing me to speak. Again, I know it's just my brain

 

This is all just under my breath but I am worried that things will just keep getting worse and I will go to say something to someone and some Jibberish will come out! I have been slurring my words some of the time as well when talking as if I'm drunk.

 

 

 

 

[deejay]

Zoloft has ruined me!

 

 

[deejay]

Poet Jester I have not had a normal dream since all this started. Extremely vivid ones and then the vivid horrific ones. But the hypnogogic ones are also very vivid and 2 have been very bad.

 

This is going to sound very bizarre but during the day I can see images as well, peoples faces, old memories, old photos etc.. If I don't try to do it there not there but if I do they are. It is so very hard to explain. I see every day objects as they are, I know what's real but these other ones, it's like there just there in my mind.

 

None of this has EVER happened before prior to me starting back on Zoloft on the 3rd March

 

I had an MRI done roughly 7 months ago because of my migraines and nothing showed up, then I had another one roughly 3 weeks after the 3rd March and it showed up all these white patches. So that indicates to me that going off cold turkey then back on has severely done something despite what the Doctor's and Psych sais.

 

AD's don't cause brain damage..... explain all my symptoms !

 

Something happened to my brain 24 hours after taking the 200mg dose, in turn my body picked up on it giving me the pounding heart for 3 hours and extremely excruciating chemical burning/sand paper on the insides feeling for almost a week. Then following that, all the above and it's just getting worse and worse as each day passes

 

I can't do anything to help out around the house, can't look after the kids, can't look after the property, can't go anywhere! My missus tries to support me the best way she can but it's really taking it's toll. She's getting depressed all the time now because of me. It's affecting the kids as well. I am a complete vegetable!

 

If I had of known that doing what I did could have been so incredibly disastrous.., the chain of events that would occur...  both to me and others..

 

This is why I need an absolute miracle.

 

[dj2010]

what are the Chinese herbal tablets you are taking? whats in them? are you taking 24 of them a day?

[deejay]

3rd post from top

[dj2010]

Just now, dj2010 said:

what are the Chinese herbal tablets you are taking? whats in them? are you taking 24 of them a day?

 

sorry just see you have answered this

 

2 hours ago, deejay said:

Morning one sais "each pill contains extract concentrate equivalent to dry herb"

 

Phyllostachys Nigra stem 51mg

Glycyrrhiza Uralensis root 25.5mg

Scutellaria Baicalensis root 85mg

Trichosanthes Kirilowii fruit 102mg

Poriacocos root 85mg

Pinellia ternate root 68mg

Citrus reticulata fruit peel 85mg

Citrus Aurantium fruit peel 85mg

Stemona Sessilifolia Rhizome 68mg

Zingiber Officinaie root 25.5mg

Platycodon Grandiflorus Rhizome 102mg

Peucedanum Praeruptorum root 68mg

 

 

 

Evening one sais "each pill contains extract concentrate equivalent to dry herb"

 

Astragalus membranaceus root 25.86mg

Atractylodes macrocephala rhizome 51.72mg

Dimocarpus longan seed aril 51.72mg

Polygala tenuifolia root 51.72mg

Poriacocos hyphae 51.72mg

Ziziphus jujube root 12.93mg

Ziziphus jujube var. spinose seed 25.86

also contains herbal powder 

angelica polymorpha root 51.72mg

codonopsis  pilosula root 25.86

glycyrrhiza uralensis root and rhizome 12.93mg

Saussurea costus root 12.93mg

 

Bed time one is written all in Chinese so I don't know. I went to see a well known Chinese Doctor and he gave them to me plus acupunture

 

 

 

there are a lot of weird ingredients in these pills and some ingredients may be causing problems, if I was you I would throw these in the bin, most supplements in withdrawal cause more problems than they do good

 

[deejay]

well they are deffinately not making me feel any better. The only thing that relieves some of my physical pain and emotional suffering atm is the Lorazepam. I have only been taking 1/2mg the last 4 days, today I had 1.4 this morning and 1/4 after lunch. I only have 8 1mg tablets left.

 

I mentioned earlier that minutes are turning into hours etc....

 

Yesterday and today it's like I literally don't know where it has gone. Today was really bad. 

[dj2010]

Just now, deejay said:

well they are deffinately not making me feel any better. The only thing that relieves some of my physical pain and emotional suffering atm is the Lorazepam. I have only been taking 1/2mg the last 4 days, today I had 1.4 this morning and 1/4 after lunch

 

if not making you feel better then dont take them , most people can not tolerate many supplements in withdrawal, i had many reactions to supplements in the early months of withdrawal, those chinese pills you are taking would of landed me in a psych ward

[deejay]

More symptoms while luying in bed....

 

If I'm trying to doze off and someone walks in and speaks, their voice goes through my whole nerves, can feel it through my whole body and panic for a few seconds. 

A couple of times I have had what felt like I had just touched a live electricity wire and jolted me awake. This is different to the convulsions/jerking sensations which awoke me last year when first stopping. These new ones were horrible, it was like a total shock and my whole body jumped

Can feel pulse in head which makes it hard to fall asleep and also random parts of body.

[AussieShell]

Yes I agree with dj2010 - The first thing I would probably do stop is the Chinese herbal supplements too. You started those not long after your Zoloft reinstatement and although your initial problems obviously weren't from them they could definitely be causing more issues than not. Also, when did you stop the benzo's (Lorazepam etc.)? You can get all sorts of symptoms from stopping them - I personally had severe rebound anxiety from these and mood issues/very very depressed.

 

I would personally also not take the Mirtazipine and you only started it a week ago. If it is not helping you sleep then it isn't worth it anyway...that is the main reason they would have given it but it is another one that you will just have to taper off down the track. If your Dr wants to give you something I would consider getting a script for Zyprexa (MOD NOTE:  Please see this post:  deejay-34-years-old-my-life-is-ruined) for 1 week or so but would probably stop the Chinese herbs, wait for a couple of weeks first before taking the Zyprexa to see if that improves things . **NOTE I AM NOT A DR** But Zyprexa did stop those psychotic-like symptoms for me during Zoloft too-withdrawal. I thought I was going insane and they were going to admit me. I also had 2 very small kids at the time, it was horrific.

 

Are you taking the Seroquel daily and at what dose? Seroquel made my blood pressure too low and caused me to have all sorts of dizziness and faintness so I had to stop it. But after being on it for 6 months straight (at a lower dose than you), I had the worst rebound anxiety/extreme panic symptoms. So I would go slowly with that one too. They recommend in here doing one at a time which is great advice. So no, I wouldn't stop it all cold and leave it to God because you are likely to end up in the hospital and they will just load you up with more stuff. Most important thing at this point for you is to do what you can to stabilize and then hold on for a while so your brain can adjust - it sucks but it does take time. Even changing the Zoloft down to 50, back to 100 and then back up to 200 may have had a negative impact. I know it is really hard to know what to do when you are feeling so terrible and you can't even feel like you can think straight. Praying for you, your partner and your kids - remember they need you and even when it is so so awful it really can get better with the right steps and time.

 

Edited June 9, 2018 by ChessieCat
Added mod note

[deejay]

If I knew it wouldn't wreck my brain any more and my body didn't lose tolerance to it I would gladly be on Xanax to sleep and Lorazepam or Clonazepam during the day for the rest of my life and nothing else but that is not going to happen. What the hell have I done to my self

[deejay]

5 minutes ago, AussieShell said:

Yes I agree with dj2010 - The first thing I would probably do stop is the Chinese herbal supplements too. You started those not long after your Zoloft reinstatement and although your initial problems obviously weren't from them they could definitely be causing more issues than not. Also, when did you stop the benzo's (Lorazepam etc.)? You can get all sorts of symptoms from stopping them - I personally had severe rebound anxiety from these and mood issues/very very depressed.

 

I would personally also not take the Mirtazipine and you only started it a week ago. If it is not helping you sleep then it isn't worth it anyway...that is the main reason they would have given it but it is another one that you will just have to taper off down the track. If your Dr wants to give you something I would consider getting a script for Zyprexa for 1 week or so but would probably stop the Chinese herbs, wait for a couple of weeks first before taking the Zyprexa to see if that improves things . **NOTE I AM NOT A DR** But Zyprexa did stop those psychotic-like symptoms for me during Zoloft too-withdrawal. I thought I was going insane and they were going to admit me. I also had 2 very small kids at the time, it was horrific.

 

Are you taking the Seroquel daily and at what dose? Seroquel made my blood pressure too low and caused me to have all sorts of dizziness and faintness so I had to stop it. But after being on it for 6 months straight (at a lower dose than you), I had the worst rebound anxiety/extreme panic symptoms. So I would go slowly with that one too. They recommend in here doing one at a time which is great advice. So no, I wouldn't stop it all cold and leave it to God because you are likely to end up in the hospital and they will just load you up with more stuff. Most important thing at this point for you is to do what you can to stabilize and then hold on for a while so your brain can adjust - it sucks but it does take time. Even changing the Zoloft down to 50, back to 100 and then back up to 200 may have had a negative impact. I know it is really hard to know what to do when you are feeling so terrible and you can't even feel like you can think straight. Praying for you, your partner and your kids - remember they need you and even when it is so so awful it really can get better with the right steps and time.

 

Can you get Zyprexa in Australia? My Dr is on at me to stop googling, I just wish that she knew first hand was I was going through, if she could just feel it for only 5 minutes. Then she would truly know. Seroquel was 50mg for a week then Dr upped it to 250mg over the next week so have been on 250mg for roughly 2 months. I only took 200mg last night. I didn't take it for about 3 days and I noticed the severe light headedness stopped, back on it then it happened again. I take it at night

[ChessieCat]

Hi deejay,

 

Before you make any decisions about what to do, please wait for one of the more knowledgeable mods to assess your situation.

[deejay]

I forgot to mention (memory is shot now) Dr put me on vennafflaxin 75mg on the fifth of March which I stayed on for 5 days then asked to be put back on Zoloft and she put me on 50mg. It was during the 5 day course of Effoxor that my vision changed, short term memory went and became all confused. I don't beleave the Effoxor caused this as have been off it for nearly 3 months. It was the Zoloft

 

I will add it to my description but it's getting rather long?

[ChessieCat]

16 minutes ago, deejay said:

I will add it to my description but it's getting rather long?

 

2006 25-300mg sertraline, 2006-2015 300mg, 2015-2017 200mg, 20th Oct 2017 stopped sertraline Cold turkey

3rd March 2018 Started back on 200mg sertraline taken in morning

 

You could put the sertraline on 2 lines as per my example.

 

Also, please take out the underlining.  It makes it difficult to read.  Thank you.  Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

Edited June 9, 2018 by ChessieCat

[Songbird]

45 minutes ago, AussieShell said:

If your Dr wants to give you something I would consider getting a script for Zyprexa for 1 week or so but would probably stop the Chinese herbs, wait for a couple of weeks first before taking the Zyprexa to see if that improves things . **NOTE I AM NOT A DR** But Zyprexa did stop those psychotic-like symptoms for me during Zoloft too-withdrawal. I thought I was going insane and they were going to admit me. I also had 2 very small kids at the time, it was horrific.

 

@AussieShell at SA we do not recommend adding other meds.  Zyprexa is a drug with many associated risks and problems - we have some members here trying to come off Zyprexa and finding it extremely difficult.  Also, Deejay already has several meds to deal with - adding another one would only confuse things further.

[deejay]

All I know is that it feels like my mind is ruined and I want to desperately be stabalized. It is absolute hell on earth. I can get into a private hospital on mid next month so if nothing has changed before then I think I will have no choice but as said above I am terrified that I won't respond to any eds they give me and will want to give me E.C.T. 

 

Please.. if anybody here can help, you will honestly be saving my life

 

I might give the Chinese Pills a miss tonight and again with the 200mg Seroquel and 30g mirtazipine

[AussieShell]

@SongbirdTotally agree, Zyprexa (and all of them really) are horrible, especially long term. I am in Australia and only mentioned it because deejay was saying about the dr recently starting the Mirtazapine and felt he may be pressured to keep adding additional meds anyway so shared my experience being on it very briefly. Happy to edit my post if that is appropriate and apologies if it was the wrong thing to say here. I am the last person who considers adding more meds to be a good idea generally speaking! And yes, also hoping an experienced Moderator will comment and give specific advice to him.

[deejay]

Forgive me if I'm wrong but I honestly feel like my current mental state goes far beyond your typical withdrawal syndrome

 

My eyes are shot, hearing senses altered, some of the psychotic stuff which should not be happening..  You have no idea how scared I am

 

I am not trying to seek attention, I'm not making any of this stuff up, it is truly happening to me.

 

I need desperate help

[AussieShell]

Hang in there deejay....probably don't make changes until someone can give further advice in here. Some may be online later tonight due to time differences as they are from all over the world. I don't think anyone in here would think you are making it up. Members of this group have had all sorts of experiences from psychiatric medications and withdrawal (myself included). 

[Songbird]

11 minutes ago, deejay said:

Forgive me if I'm wrong but I honestly feel like my current mental state goes far beyond your typical withdrawal syndrome

 

My eyes are shot, hearing senses altered, some of the psychotic stuff which should not be happening..  You have no idea how scared I am

 

I am not trying to seek attention, I'm not making any of this stuff up, it is truly happening to me.

 

I need desperate help

 

I'm not sure what you mean by typical withdrawal syndrome - it's very individual, we see anything and everything here, many severe cases so you are not alone in this.

 

Have a read around the site, there is a lot of information here about withdrawal.  Here are some good topics to start with:

what is withdrawal syndrome

non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

the dr claire weekes method of recovering from a sensitized nervous system

mindfulness and acceptance

 

What are the other ingredients in your melatonin sleep spray?  Melatonin can be helpful for sleep at the right dose.

 

You might try some relaxation exercises, which can help to reduce anxiety by calming the nervous system.  You could try progressive muscle relaxation, gentle yoga, meditation, guided visualisation, calming breathing exercises, or whatever kind of relaxation exercise you find works for you.  It's best to do them every day, even two or three times a day during times of severe anxiety.  The idea is to calm down the "fight-or-flight response" (sympathetic nervous system) and stimulate the "relaxation response" (parasympathetic nervous system).

 

I would suggest not making any med changes right now - mods will get back to you soon, and try to help you as best we can.

 

[deejay]

14 minutes ago, Songbird said:

 

I'm not sure what you mean by typical withdrawal syndrome - it's very individual, we see anything and everything here, many severe cases so you are not alone in this.

 

Have a read around the site, there is a lot of information here about withdrawal.  Here are some good topics to start with:

what is withdrawal syndrome

non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

the dr claire weekes method of recovering from a sensitized nervous system

mindfulness and acceptance

 

What are the other ingredients in your melatonin sleep spray?  Melatonin can be helpful for sleep at the right dose.

 

You might try some relaxation exercises, which can help to reduce anxiety by calming the nervous system.  You could try progressive muscle relaxation, gentle yoga, meditation, guided visualisation, calming breathing exercises, or whatever kind of relaxation exercise you find works for you.  It's best to do them every day, even two or three times a day during times of severe anxiety.  The idea is to calm down the "fight-or-flight response" (sympathetic nervous system) and stimulate the "relaxation response" (parasympathetic nervous system).

 

I would suggest not making any med changes right now - mods will get back to you soon, and try to help you as best we can.

 

 Dr. Mercola - Meletonin Sleep Support

                 

                                                                                                                   Amount per serving                                                                                               %DV

Niacin (Vitamin B3) as nicotinic Acid                                                               1.5mg                                                                                                           %8

Vitamin B6 as Pyridoxine Hydrochloride                                                          3mg                                                                                                              %150

 

Tart Cherry (from prunus cerasus) fruit Concentrate

Chamomile flower Extract                                                                                    46.1mg combined (doesn't say mg per each one)

Jujube (from Ziziphus jujube) seed extract

 

GABA

L-Theanine

L-Tryptophan                                                                                                             34.5mg combined (doesn't say per each one)

Meletonin 1.5mg

5-HTP from Griffonia Simplicifolia (seed extract

 

 

I take 6 sprays in mouth before bed

[dj2010]

4 minutes ago, deejay said:

 Dr. Mercola - Meletonin Sleep Support

                 

                                                                                                                   Amount per serving                                                                                               %DV

Niacin (Vitamin B3) as nicotinic Acid                                                               1.5mg                                                                                                           %8

Vitamin B6 as Pyridoxine Hydrochloride                                                          3mg                                                                                                              %150

 

Tart Cherry (from prunus cerasus) fruit Concentrate

Chamomile flower Extract                                                                                    46.1mg combined (doesn't say mg per each one)

Jujube (from Ziziphus jujube) seed extract

 

GABA

L-Theanine

L-Tryptophan                                                                                                             34.5mg combined (doesn't say per each one)

Meletonin 1.5mg

5-HTP from Griffonia Simplicifolia (seed extract

 

avoid this supplement, it has many ingredients including 5htp which works similar to a antidepressant,

 

see this thread for more info:

 

most effective melatonin that works for me is this one:

 

https://uk.iherb.com/pr/Life-Extension-Melatonin-6-Hour-Timed-Release-300-mcg-100-Veggie-Tabs/47832