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Leo1983

☼ Leo1983: SSRI withdrawal

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Leo1983

So will there come a time when you can fight a virus like you once did and be done with it.

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Leo1983

Its hard working out whats viral and whats symptoms.

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manny03
7 hours ago, Leo1983 said:

Hi.

 

I have had a winter bug and virus. Can i ask is the body able to handle this in WD? As in temp regulation, balance, heart rate etc. 

 

This virus has floored me. Can it create a wave? Or ramp up symptoms. 

 

From personal experience, just last week. It's a resounding yes. Some of the symptoms that had resolved themselves came back, though not as intense as before. 

 

 

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Leo1983

Hi.

 

Im just out of work and read @Happy2Heal post. Im also reading the reply.

 

Can someone tell me some things about what im doing..

 

1. I took 4 different drugs in a short space time. 8 weeks in duration for most then a CT.

 

2. I had adverse reactions to the drugs when starting them all. 

 

3. I was on Lexapro 3 months CT from 20mg. Off  it for 12 weeks and back on at 5mg for 12 weeks then stopped again. 

 

WHAT IS THE ISSUES HERE AND IS THIS GOING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE? 

 

i have now been off 7 months ish. Things are not as severe. However my life is still miserable.

 

Anhedonia.

 

Low Low mood. 

 

Anxiety.

 

Relentless fatigue. 

 

What are my options now? As i must say i am bored and tired of feeling rubbish. 

 

Is it likely i will heal like others or did i do something wrong that will cause me injury. 

 

I guess am i wasting my time putting up with all this. 

 

Thanks

 

Leo.

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Happy2Heal

hi Leo

I'm sorry, you seem to be misinterpreting my reply to you...

I did not mean to imply in any way that you had done anything wrong!!

I was just trying to reassure you that, while everyone is different, you may be having a hard time because you were on several different drugs in succession and CT'ed off all of them. 

 

that does NOT mean that you are in any way doomed.   I meant that to say, please give it time, it's not going to happen overnight. In the grand scheme of things, 7mos is not very long. I had a full year of acute severe symptoms and another full year of pretty bad ones. 

 

my history is that I was over 20 different medications over a period of 4 decades, and I did not taper ANY drug except for the lexapro, and even then, I went too fast. I had adverse reactions to many of the drugs I was put on and I CTed off of those, and was usually put on a new different drug or several drugs. I'm not a rare case, there are many MANY of us who have been on a LOT of different psych meds and often for long periods of time. As far as I know, most of those ppl have healed or in the process of healing. 

 

 

 I didn't do anything special, I just let time pass and my brain did all the work. I am also extremely blessed that I have very little external stress in my life,I am not working, I am not caring for any children or elderly parents, I have no complicated relationships; my life is good and stable.

 


My message is, that while we are all different and all heal in our own time, there is NO reason to think that you will not heal 

 

I don't know what you mean about "wasting time"...?

while you're experiencing these distressing symptoms, your brain is HEALING. the symptoms are what tells you that its' happening, and you *are* going to feel and see the effects of that healing, it just takes time. it's coming. I know how hard it is to wait for it. but you can do it. this isn't wasting time, it's letting time pass while the work of healing and recovery is happening inside you.

 

ChessieCat just made a great post in Acceptance, here it is copied and pasted so you don't need to go looking for it:

 

Quote

Use the image of waiting in a queue, the line gradually gets shorter.  When you are in a queue you can't make it move any quicker than it does.  You have no control over it.  All you can do is wait in the line.  How you wait is what is going to make a difference.  You can either be impatient and start getting irritable and think bad things and complain to the other people who might start swearing at you which makes you feel worse or you can try to be patient and calm and try and think of nice things and look at the things around you.  It's going to take the same amount of time for you to get to the head of the queue but you can either make the experience of waiting pleasant or unpleasant (ie try to stay as calm as possible or add stress to the wait).

 

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Leo1983

Hi.

 

I just meant was the way i came off them bad. Will this cause a permanant damage. Or will i heal even with my drug history. 

 

I struggle with the fact i was only on them weeks at a time. Then the last drug abit longer..... its been a nightmare..

 

Is it normal to have really heavy low mood.... like your face is just like a stone statue. Unless u fake it of course. 

 

Depression and anxiety are the worst i have. Oh and lethergy. 

 

My brain feels like a block of concrete.

 

Is taking more meds any good for me? Or reinstating? My life is to small to keep this up for months on end. 

 

Or is it best now to keep going. 

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Happy2Heal
38 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

Hi.

 

I just meant was the way i came off them bad. Will this cause a permanant damage. Or will i heal even with my drug history. 

You will heal. You are not alone in the way that you came off them, others have done the same thing and NO they do not have permanent damage, so there is NO reason to think that you will. Your drug history is very short and simple compared to many others,  you would likely have a better time healing than those with longer histories and more drugs. 
 

you are going to heal. I know it may not feel that way now but it will help you a lot of you are able to take that to heart and not fret too much over it, ok?

38 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

 

I struggle with the fact i was only on them weeks at a time. Then the last drug abit longer..... its been a nightmare..

 

Is it normal to have really heavy low mood.... like your face is just like a stone statue. Unless u fake it of course. 

yes all of your symptoms are normal. very normal. 

it feels awful now but it will get better.

are there things you can do to distract yourself?

38 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

 

Depression and anxiety are the worst i have. Oh and lethergy. 

 

My brain feels like a block of concrete.

 

 

Is taking more meds any good for me? Or reinstating? My life is to small to keep this up for months on end. 

 

Or is it best now to keep going. 

 

I would say it's best to keep going, but only focus on TODAY, or if you're feeling really poorly, just focus on this very moment

 

what can you do to get thru the next few minutes? how do you pass your time?

do you like to read, watch tv or videos, chat with friends, play sports or board games or do puzzles? do you like to go for walks or bike? do you have a favorite hangout that you could go to? 

 

there is NO way to know how long this will last. Look at it this way: You HAVE gotten thru the last 7 mos

things HAVE gotten better

 

everything is pointing you in the direction of healing and feeling even better still.

it's hard not to want to feel better right away, but wanting things to change that rapidly is often why many of us got on these drugs in the first place: looking for the quick and seemingly "easy" fix.

 

I would not suggest taking more meds, how would that help? that isn't following the rules of keeping it Simple, Steady and Slow.

 

you are doing so much better than you think. Please don't misunderstand, I know you are feeling just crappy and want that to end but it WILL

 

it will. you have all the evidence in front of you:

you feel better than you did 7 mos ago, so obviously you ARE healing.

you are just feeling a bit impatient for things to speed up and get better faster and while that's understandable, healing isn't like that

 

it's going to take as long as it does.

 

so, let's switch gears here for a bit, what good thing have you done for yourself today?

 

you reached out here on the forum to share your feelings and concerns, and to connect with others going thru a similar journey, that's a good thing, right?

 

what else?

 

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Leo1983

Hi.

 

Thankyou. I was doing well before my virus. 

 

I have been to work all day today and yesterday. I have walked my dogs and helped my brother who is having a hard time at work. 

 

I just get days when i think what a load of crap this is. I just want to be able to think and feel again. Not wake up like im on death row. 

 

That would do it. 

 

Your a good person Happy. 

 

Thankyou.

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Happy2Heal

 

thank you, Leo, you are a very good person yourself Leo, helping your brother thru a rough time when you're going thru all this.

 

your dog must be very pleased that you're able to continue to walk him, in spite of how crappy you feel. 

 

yes this is a load of crap!! it is

 

I pray that you are able to see the subtle  signs that things are improving, to give you the energy or resolve or just the plain ol hope to keep on putting one foot in front of the other.

 

you are so strong to keep on going. and to be working too!! good on you!!

 :)

 

 

 

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Leo1983

Thankyou.

 

1 last thing...... is this site about pushing people to stay off meds FULL STOP? Is it anti meds?

 

Is it about pushing people to deal with life using tools?? Not drugs?

 

Does the site expect ppl to suffer anxiety or depression and NEVER take meds?

 

Im just getting a feel for it. 

 

I understand all my symptoms are NOTHING like my original problem and are common withdrawal. But what happens when peoples baselines are really bad and there anxiety is debilitating for example. 

 

Thanks Happy.

 

Leo.

 

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Happy2Heal
10 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

1 last thing...... is this site about pushing people to stay off meds FULL STOP? Is it anti meds?

 

Is it about pushing people to deal with life using tools?? Not drugs?

 

Does the site expect ppl to suffer anxiety or depression and NEVER take meds?

 

I can't speak for the site owner, you'd need to read her posts.


I can only speak for myself, after the empty promises of all these drugs, including drugs for medical problems (most of which were caused by the psych drugs!!) and all the side effects, and all of the horrors of withdrawal- I personally hope to live a 'substance free' life from now on

 

would I take a high powered pain killer if I needed surgery? sure thing!

but overall, I hope to be able to not turn to any substance, including, at some point, sugar and other addictive food stuffs, to cope with my emotions

but that is JUST ME

 

as I said, I can't speak for the owner of the site and what her goals and philosophy are, you'd need to ask her (Alto)

 

I personally am very much anti meds, but I've learned that I CAN calm myself and I CAN lift myself out of a depressed mood without drugs, so I feel like I have no reason to ever turn to drugs again.  :) I am excited to know that I have these skills and abilities and am very proud of how hard I worked to learn them and how I am working to refine my skills over time.

 

I do use some supplements, esp a vegan DHA EPA Omega 3 supplement, I do take a vit D3 pill in the winter and I do take vit B12 weekly, but I PERSONALLY don't want any drugs, prescribed or otherwise, in my body

 

My body has been chemically assaulted, in my opinion, for decades

 

I am THRILLED beyond words that my body is able to heal itself and recover from those chemicals and I personally feel that I owe it to my body to be esp good to it from now on

To ME that means no more toxic chemicals or drugs etc

 

that's my personal bias

 

everyone is free to do and believe as they wish.  ;)

 

this site IS about helping ppl get off ADs, and not helping them go ON any, if that's what you mean, but I have no idea if the owner is anti drug, you'd need to ask her

 

;)

 

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ChessieCat
2 hours ago, Leo1983 said:

1 last thing...... is this site about pushing people to stay off meds FULL STOP? Is it anti meds?

 

Is it about pushing people to deal with life using tools?? Not drugs?

 

Does the site expect ppl to suffer anxiety or depression and NEVER take meds?

 

SA provides information about how to get off drugs using a harm reduction approach.  The site was created because this information is not available elsewhere.

 

SA is about helping people reduce their drug load.  That may be getting off their drug/s completely or it may be reducing it to the lowest effective dose.

 

SA only offers suggestions.  Each member has to make their own decision about their drugs, including whether to go off, how to go off and whether to stay off.

 

Having knowledge about drugs means the members can make an informed decision.

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Leo1983

Hi Chessie.

 

You think i should keep going in my WD also? 

 

The meds made me poorly. So i would rather not but im fed up of symptoms. 

 

My family cant advise me. I just want to make sure what im doing is the correct thing. 

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ChessieCat

From what you have posted it appears that you have experienced improvement in symptoms since joining SA 4 months ago.  I understand that you are not improving as quickly as you would like to but at least you are heading in the right direction.  You've learned a lot about psychiatric drugs since being here.

 

You yourself said:

 

8 hours ago, Leo1983 said:

The meds made me poorly.

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Leo1983

Can someone help me out.

 

Is it normal in wd to worry about xmas? Im mainly worried about having to go to my mother in laws and sit around the xmas table with my wifes family and be all sociable. Its not were im at. 

 

 

I have not slept well for 3 nights now and im waking in panic about it.

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ChessieCat

It's normal to worry about anything.  Aside for anhedonia, everything to do with our emotions can be heightened to ridiculous levels.  Neuro Emotions

 

And what you are going through is anticipatory anxiety, which can happen for regular non-ADWD people worrying about a situation.  My daughter does it all the time.  Your brain is thinking about all the bad things that might happen.  And I mean all.  That can include things that probably wouldn't happen in a million years.

 

Have a Plan B, C, D, E etc on what you can do if you start to feel uncomfortable.  If you are desperate, head off to the loo and have some alone time and use some coping techniques to try and level yourself out.  Do they have a garden?  Go outside and check out the garden for a while.  Will there be kids there?  Suggest they go outside to play and you go too.  Do they have a dog?  Have a bit of pet therapy time.  Throw the ball for the dog.  If the kids need some quiet time read them a story, or sit down and play a quiet type of game with them.

 

If your wife is supportive and understands that you may have difficulties coping, have a code word or signal that you can use to let her know that you are feeling uncomfortable.

 

The most important thing is to try to recognise the signs before it gets too far so that you can nip it in the bud.  You've been supporting Dylan and reading suggestions made to him.  Some of those things might be able to help you too.

 

And instead of thinking I'm going to have a horrible time, or I'm going to have a melt down, reword it.  If you have had a good time there previously, remember those times.  Think about food that you like.  Have some jokes ready to tell.  Have some questions ready to ask people so that you don't have to try and think on the spot and can divert a situation that might be getting awkward.

 

If you feel like you can't stay, are you able to get home by public transport so that your wife can stay.  If not, you could always go and sit in the car and listen to some calm music just so you can have some time away.  You can always say that you aren't feeling very well, or you have a bit of a headache and need to be quiet for a little while.  Or you need a cat nap!  And after a Christmas lunch that probably would be true.

 

And that is another thing.  Set a time with your wife so that you know that you won't be staying on and on and on if you don't feel like it.  You know that it will end at that time rather than getting stressed out not knowing when you can escape.  And let your wife know that you will say to her are you ready to go or something similar, like we need to get ready to leave, so that she knows you don't want to stay longer.

 

I hope some of those ideas help.

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Leo1983

I was NOT like this before wd??

 

Inwould be the first there. Is this likely to change once i get further through withdrawal?

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ChessieCat
17 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

Inwould be the first there.

 

So you are turning up before your wife?

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Leo1983

Yes 1 million times i have read it.

 

Im asking is this likely withdrawal causing me to think this way?

 

Im saying before wd i would have been the first to the house no problem.

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ChessieCat
Just now, Leo1983 said:

Im asking is this likely withdrawal causing me to think this way?

 

Yes!!!  It's absolutely normal in withdrawal.

 

26 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

It's normal to worry about anything.  Aside for anhedonia, everything to do with our emotions can be heightened to ridiculous levels.  Neuro Emotions

 

Sorry I've just read what I wrote and it doesn't state that it is normal withdrawal thinking.  But that is what I meant.

 

Please read the Neuro Emotions link and you will see that it is something that many members have to cope with.

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ChessieCat

We tend to be on hyper alert when in withdrawal from an AD.

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Leo1983

Thanks CC

 

Can you advise me what you tell people who just feel like they cant keep going feeling this way? The devastation on family and friends?

 

How do we know we are not just wasting our times suffering in agony. 

 

Also people who are really anhedonic and low. What is the advice.

 

This is the worst thing anyone could have... it thats what it truely is 

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ChessieCat

Yes, it is bad.  Yes, we wish we weren't like we are.  What are we going to do about it?  We take one day at a time.  One hour at a time or one moment at a time if need be.  That's what I've been doing for the last 7 years since I had a breakdown at my daughter's wedding reception when my citalopram pooped out on me.  I have had many times when I have felt suicidal.  And sometimes now I still do.  Guess what?  I'm still here.  Am I happy?  Most of the time I would say no.  Do I sometimes feel better than at other times?  Yes.  Do I wish I felt better than I do and that things aren't the way they are?  Of course.  Am I angry about how my life has turned out, with some of it caused by a drug?  You bet I am.  What am I going to do?  I'm going to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  That is the only choice I have.

 

I don't like how much of my life has been or the impact it is having on me now (mainly financial).  Can I change it?  No.  I don't like the way I'm feeling currently, but I have accepted that it is what it is at this time.  And I hope that some day I will feel better than I do now on a more regular basis.  I'm doing the best that I can under the circumstances and that is all any of us can do.

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ChessieCat
On 10/31/2018 at 6:24 AM, Altostrata said:

You have garden-variety withdrawal syndrome from going on and off drugs many times. Good sleep is a good sign for recovery.

 

On 10/11/2018 at 9:46 AM, ChessieCat said:

I've just gone back through your topic and you have been provided with all the information and answers which we can give you.

 

Just to reiterate:

  • You are experiencing withdrawal symptoms from having stopped your drug too quickly
  • It is going to take time for your brain to adjust back to homeostasis or factory settings
  • It is going to take time
  • Nobody knows how long it will take for you to recover
  • During recovery you will have periods when you feel improvement and periods when you feel worse, and this will repeat
  • We feel like we need to do something.  This is normal.
  • It is best to try and stay as calm and stress free as possible to give your brain the environment it needs to heal
  • Continuing to obsess about how long it is going to take is not helpful

 

In a nutshell:  yes, it is going to take time and no, we don't know how long it is going to take.

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Leo1983

Thanks

 

My life is perfect apart from this lingering everyday. I wake up and just wish not to get up. 

 

My fear is this never ends. 

 

I appreciate your situation Chessie however that is situational. Im asking what you advise ppl who are just miserable and plauged with wd. 

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Leo1983

Also comparing 20 years of meds to 18 months on and off for weeks at a time will have baring im sure??

 

Im talking the symptoms. I remember when i used to feel low and it was nothing like this. The complete dead body feeling. Not asking about situational, as im aware of that after wd.

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ChessieCat
1 minute ago, Leo1983 said:

I appreciate your situation Chessie however that is situational.

 

Only a small portion of it is situational.  There is a lot of withdrawal mixed in.  For at least the first year of my taper I would dread getting out of bed every day.  I would spend all day waiting for bed time and then when bed time came, I didn't want to go to bed.

 

 

Did you see my response to your post?

 

On 12/19/2018 at 8:38 AM, ChessieCat said:

 

It would seem that the post you have made is about your own fear and realisation about how long it may take for you to recover.  It is understandable and it can take some time to come to terms with the fact.  And many other members are having to deal with their own fears regarding these drugs, being on them, getting off them and how long it is all going to take. 

 

 

 

2 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

Im asking what you advise ppl who are just miserable and plauged with wd. 

 

To learn and use non drug coping techniques.  Take one day at a time, one hour at a time and when necessary 1 minute at a time.

 

Try to look for the positives in life.  Be thankful for the small things.  Look up.  And as Alto says fake it until you make it.

 

It's going to take time for your brain to adjust and as you yourself said about 6 weeks ago:

 

On 11/10/2018 at 8:32 PM, Leo1983 said:

 

So I pick from that basically what I have is WITHDRAWAL!  and I should expect symptoms from been on a drug and stopping it. My brain is healing like a wound would heal. I stopped CT so that's does not help. 

 

What your saying to me is you need to learn techniques to manage your life whilst in WITHDRAWAL! And they will also serve you well once you HEAL. 

 

 

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ChessieCat

You are starting to go around in circles and you have been provided with many helpful links.

 

This member was provided with the best support by both mods and members.  Unfortunately he never "got it".  I suggest you go and read the responses.  There are many very valuable nuggets that are in his topic.

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Altostrata

Leo, you do not have a special kind of withdrawal syndrome. We're telling you the same things we tell anyone in your condition. They all feel miserable. They need to help themselves get better, and you do, too.

 

Showing interest in people other than yourself can help.

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Leo1983

Its the acceptance im struggling with. I cant be myself. 

 

I cant engage with family proply and my wife and kids. When i think of the devastation i get panic. 

 

Then i look for answers. I dont feel much improvement with mental stuff.

 

Trying to keep my job and do stuff i need to do when feeling awful. The anhedonia does nothing to keep you motivated 

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Leo1983

Im thinking of seeing a psych and discussing what im feeling like. 

 

Its that bad i dont even want to be in the house. I dont know were i want to be. 

 

Is meds a silly idea?

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ChessieCat

Christmas can be a stressful time of year.  Stress exacerbates withdrawal symptoms.  From what you have written you are stressed about Christmas Day.

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Leo1983

This site is good and helps. 

 

But its the having no one to help ya on the floor. 

 

Im worried about xmas day only because i feel like i cant be around the people i love. 

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Aquarius

Hi leo1983 i feel for you its a horrible time ...i was getting stressed about Christmas and having to put on a show ..now thats where we go wrong trying to be something were not ...i let all family members know how i was feeling i even joked about being a miserable person aroumd the table lile im the one thats not smiling or the one that cant hold a knife and fork because mt hands are shaking we all made jokes about it and it made me feel less stressed you are going through withdrawal it can't be helped its not forever just be who you are and not what you think you should be ...hopefully your family are as loving and understanding as mine 

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