Tom37: Lexapro taper

[mdwstrx]

Happy to hear that things are stable for the most part!  You're doing great holding at right under 4mg. if I recall.  

Pls don't be worried that you won't get there.  You've progressed so far which is proof that your body is and will continue to heal. 

It's hard to wait on things, especially when we want to feel so much better.  But patience in the end pays off.  I am learning that too and

you inspire me. Thanks! 

 

Has it really been 7 months! 🙂

[RachelSusan]

Hi Tom,

 

Thanks for the update.  That feeling of being stuck at one level is frustrating. Recovery from a crash can be very slow. I too questioned if I would ever get there, and I did!!!! You are clearly moving in the right direction.

 

Warm wishes,

Rachel

[BreathofAir]

Hi Tom37,

 

That’s a lot of positives. 😊😊😊😊

 

Please do not think this is an obtuse question, but what is stopping you from “living like you want”?  

I’m just interested in if we have any common thoughts. 

 

Haven’t updosed by the way. 🙂

 

Best wishes, 

R xxxxx

 

 

[Tom37]

Just updating for myself....still basically as I have been so at current baseline and doing ok. Still don’t feel ‘normal’ but have times when I feel very close to it. Probably at around 80 to 85 percent. Sleep has been decent for me at around 6 hours.

 

Actually did a bit of excerise on the weekend and came through it fine. Was just a 5km trail walk which does include some decent hills so for the first time since this happened I got the heart rate up so was pleased with that as have avoided exercise due to fear of a setback.

 

Have actually been a bit ill with an annoying head cold which made my ears feel blocked which made my tinnitus worse (tinnitus not wd related but so annoying when it spikes) so just getting over that but wd wise felt good during it which was weird. 

 

Hopefully no more nasty waves but if they are going to happen wish they would just hurry up to get this done!

 

[Dejavu]

So glad to hear this! I've been wondering how you're doing. As I recall, your last wave was kind of a bear. Good to read you're finally rid of it.

 

I think/hope I'm right behind you. Had a fabulous 10 day window - pretty much symptom free - then lapsed into the wave I'm in now, but symptoms are dramatically milder than before. So there's that.

 

Hoping that was your last wave and you're good to go now. When are you planning to resume your taper?

[Tom37]

Back into another wave and it’s quite nasty too so far.

 

No sleep last night as had this horrible anxious/restless feeling going through me, horrible weird wd nausea coming and going all night, chills over different body parts,  needed to urinate 5 tines when normally it’s zero in the night and that’s always been a feature of my waves, and just generally feeling really unwell. Also stupid thoughts of will I ever sleep properly again plus other weird random thoughts.

 

Will have to battle through the work day.

 

Been 4 and a half weeks since last physical wave.

 

Feeling quite scared about it all this morning as thought I was maybe done with nasty waves as was feeling a lot better but here we go again.

 

When will this ever end!

[BreathofAir]

Hi Tom, 

 

Really sorry to hear this, but you’ve been ill with a cold, so hopefully once the virus clears you’ll feel much better and out of the wave. 

 

Sending you healing hugs. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

R xxxx

 

 

[Tom37]

Thanks....cold well and truly gone so must have been due a wave I guess. Give me the worst flu/cold ever over this wd everytime.

 

Always the fear of it never ending no matter how many times you go through it always gets me. 

[mdwstrx]

Hi Tom. Am so sorry to hear this. I too thought this was close to ending for you. But your body will take its own time as needed.  The fear is part and parcel of the wave and every wave you have may carry these neuro emotions.  It’s hard to feel differently when our thoughts and emotions seem like reality. However, they will pass and change. But you know that.  Praying that this is a very, very short wave and full stability is right here for you. 

[Tom37]

Thanks Md....I’m still yet to be completely symptom free when at baseline or in a window so I’m assuming until that happens it will be more waves for me🤷🏻‍♂️. Have had periods when I think I’ve felt myself but no full days like that yet.☹️

 

Would be great to here from others who have stabilised if they got to a point where the waves did stop and remaining symptoms just slowly went away or was it waves until the last one left you symptom free?

 

This wave is very similar to the previous nasty one I had about a month ago. Exact same type of headache has now appeared at about the same time too and in the same part of the head. Seem to have very similar ones 3 or 4 times in a row then they change. Been like that all the way through.

 

Time to drag myself out for a small walk.

 

 

[Tom37]

Another bad night of basically zero sleep. Either I can’t sleep because it’s a symptom of this wave or because of how bad I feel either way it’s two nights in a row. Just feel so bad that sleep seems impossible. 

 

Really struggling at the moment with these symptoms. Add in a sense of fear about weird things, I’m getting body jolts too now along with the just feeling so bad. 

 

No idea why this wave and the last one have got so bad and praying it starts to ease up by tonight to allow me some rest.

[jozeff]

Hi Tom,

Sorry for your suffering! Re-read your own topic and see that you felt much much better not too long ago...

 

Keep faith in your healing. This could very well be because of your jump from 4 to 3 mg. It's unbelievable but I had kind of the same horrible symptoms after tapering citalopram too fast.

 

Hope you get some good sleep!

 

Cheers

 

Jozeff

[Tom37]

Thanks J....hope your doing well with your new born and your taper.

 

Hopefully the symptoms will settle down to allow some sleep!

[mdwstrx]

Hi Tom. 

Have you had any stress lately?  I had a stressful day yesterday and woke uncharacteristically early. I've been edgy all day feeling 'wd' just under the surface.  So apparently, stress ramps it up.

The body jolts are called myoclonus jerks; the most famous of which are the hypnic jerks you may feel as you're falling asleep.  Apparently, hiccups are a form too.   I also noticed an increase in these this morning from stress.  Hope we both get better sleep tonight and that you wave ends today!

[Tom37]

Hi Md,

 

No stress or anything at the moment. The only possible explaination outside of it just being a ‘normal wave’ was that I did start to do a little more excerise this past week. Was still only walking but did include a few hills so the heart rate did get up. It was only about 5km and takes about an hour but definitely not flat. Did that last Saturday then Wednesday then Sat just gone. Felt good after doing it the first two times so unsure if that contributed to it or not. 

 

Hope you feel better soon too!

[Tom37]

Managed to get through the work day although was tough to concentrate at times. Lucky it’s my quiet time of the year and my boss is 500 miles away so basically self manage myself. 

 

Went for a small walk after leaving the office to get some fresh air and now home for the evening.

 

Hopefully this flu like feeling and headache that have been really bad this wave leaves me alone tonight so can get some sleep. These have always happened in my waves it just seems to change slightly from one cycle of waves to the next. Guess its the bodies response to things being out of sorts but you do wonder what it’s trying to achieve by doing what it does.

 

Was reading some earlier posts of mine and a symptom list came up. Scary that i has that many but great that the majority of them have all gone. Always good to look back to when you have been and the progress made as helps counter those typical thoughts we have during a wave. 

 

Hopefully won’t be too much longer for even more symptoms to go!

[Dejavu]

13 minutes ago, Tom37 said:

Always good to look back to when you have been and the progress made as helps counter those typical thoughts we have during a wave. 

Yes, it does help, doesn't it? Well done for just getting through the day. Sometimes, that's the best we can do, even without withdrawal.

 

I really hope this is just a quick glitch for you. Sending you healing energy!

 

DV

[Tom37]

Another horrible with pretty much zero sleep. Any sleep was dozing and very light for very short periods.

 

That makes it three nights in a row. No idea what has happened to cause this but it really really testing me. Still have the physical anxiety feelings in me at night along with the just feeling really bad, headache and the chills which is making it so hard to get comfortable. Also seem more sensitive to everything than normal. Really weird random thoughts and scared of totally weird things that are too embarrassing to say. Have taken the day off work which is a first in about 7 months from wd. Have some Valium left for when this all started and may have to resort to that in a day or two if can’t get any sleep.

 

The not sleeping has made this the worst wave yet and it just doesn’t seem to be easing. Of course the feelings of not ever sleeping naturally again cross my mind which doesn’t help. Anybody had waves where they couldn’t sleep but could once it’s over? Need some hope that this will be ok.

 

Sorry if this seems like I’m not coping but being honest it’s really hit me hard. Have done nothing to encourage it either. No dose change or any other medications other than paracetamol which as never been an issue in the past.

[Tom37]

And keep getting these jolts in different body parts and mostly when trying to relax in bed. They aren’t severe but only use to get them in my left arm for some reason. Now it’s my arms, my legs, my shoulders and occasionally one will almost lift me off the bed.

 

I know everyone has there own situations they are going through with wd and some are a lot worse off than me so I apologise for that but with out the support from this community no idea where I would be at.

[eymen23]

58 minutes ago, Tom37 said:

Anybody had waves where they couldn’t sleep but could once it’s over? Need some hope that this will be ok.

 

Sorry if this seems like I’m not coping but being honest it’s really hit me hard. Have done nothing to encourage it either. 

 

Hi Tom,

 

I’m sorry to hear that you’re experiencing such a challenging wave after many periods in-between of feeling so much better. 

 

There are several different symptoms I tend to get during waves, and insomnia is one of them. Every so often I will be met with a week long period of poor sleep, which can range from 3 hours a night, to 6 light and unrefreshing hours with multiple awakenings. 

 

Although you have been holding your dose steady for a long time now, waves and/or setbacks can and do happen throughout this process. I have been holding my dose for almost 3 months and I still get waves and symptoms randomly popping up, even after following the SA guidelines and never having suffered a major crash. 

 

We also have to remember that even completely healthy and otherwise happy individuals can have occasional insomnia, mood swings, excessive worry etc. Part of the difference is often that those individuals don’t second guess it, and they can easily chalk a sleepless night up to a bad day at work or a one-off. 

 

I know that sometimes we need to get a good night of sleep to function and complete our basic responsibilities, but perhaps you could use this wave as an opportunity to build your confidence. It is just a suggestion and you may find it difficult, but perhaps you can try subtly noting mentally in the next few days ‘this will pass’. Along with this, avoid taking the Valium or any other sleep inducing drugs. Once your normal sleep pattern returns, you may find you build a small amount of confidence in your ability to get through waves and/or setbacks, without relying on drugs. 

 

It’s extremely common amongst individuals taking psychiatric drugs, to feel that you are inherently ‘broken’ and will always need something to help you get by or ‘fix’ whatever is wrong with you. In my opinion, slowly undoing this way of thinking can go a very long way towards managing difficult symptoms.

[Tom37]

Thanks for that.

 

Its not the lack of sleep that is the concern. I’ve had many a periods of no sleep especially when travelling and you just get exhausted then crash out. But wasn’t in wd and knew the brain was working fine. It’s that this wave may have changed something in my brain to never let me sleep again or properly again. Sounds ridiculous I know but feels so real when your in the middle of it. Definitely cbt coming in handy at the moment. The amount of thoughts like this that I’ve had during waves are ridiculous and then out of the wave I’m back to normal. 

 

I know drugs generally aren’t the best option and don’t solve anything but I think if you get to a desperate place then sometimes you have to do what you have to.

 

Hope you are finding things better.

 

 Thanks 

[Dejavu]

Oh, Tom, I'm sorry you're having trouble. I just want to remind you of what you already know: the window will open again and you're not permanently damaged. Ironically, the same thing is happening to me right now. I had several almost symptom-free days, then tonight...bam! Symptoms I haven't had in a while are rearing up. A few hours ago I had pretty well convinced myself I would never get better. Of course we know better - that kind of thinking is part of the withdrawal - the sneaky, insidious part. 

 

One member (I can't seem to recall who) reported that they began rapidly cycling between windows and waves right before they stabilized. I've begun that rapid cycling, and it looks like you may have too. So just breathe through it. You may be closer to turning that corner than you think. Either way, keep reminding yourself that it will happen. 

 

Sending you healing energy (and very heavy eyelids!) tonight!

 

 

[Tom37]

Thanks Dejavu....will shall get there in the end. Massively overtired now so hopefully will just crash out and get at least a few hours sleep to get started on getting back into normal routine. But still in this wave so what will be will be I guess.

[Songbird]

6 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Anybody had waves where they couldn’t sleep but could once it’s over? Need some hope that this will be ok.

 

Patches of insomnia are common for me.  I often use sleep aids such as melatonin to help during those periods.  Eventually I start to sleep normally again.  I'm also holding at the moment waiting to stabilise after my last drop. 

 

We know that many people who c/t have periodic bad waves, so my theory is that even when tapering we still have these more "long-term" waves (compared to the wave of symptoms from the most recent drop of our taper) as our body needs to do some longer-term adjustments to having less drug in the system.

[RachelSusan]

I have had a lot of insomnia throughout this process. 3 years later and I have no sleep problems. It's hard for me to believe.  A lot of people have problems with insomnia while recovering. I do believe you will see improvement in the months ahead.  I'm very sorry you are going through this, I know how challenging it is.

[Tom37]

Another night the same...couple of times was almost asleep but woke myself up for some reason.

 

Four nights in a row now and not getting any better at all. Last month had been sleeping 5 to 7 hours every night now can’t seem to get a minute of it. 

 

Most likely will take something tonight as i can’t go on like this. No work again today probably not safe to drive. Can’t even concentrate to watch tv.

 

I didn’t think it could get any worse after all the early stuff but how wrong was I. 

[mdwstrx]

Tom, 

So sorry to hear this.  Hold on and know that it will improve and that we're here with you when you need to reach out.  

I'm very interested to hear what the mods think about the nasty waves hitting 8 months out, especially after such improvement.  

From all that I've read here, stabilizing is very gradual but slowly improves. 

[Tom37]

Hi Md,

 

Would love to know why too.

 

The zero sleeping is what turns it from tolerable to struggling to be able to function. Never thought insomnia would hit this far out. Can only pray it’s caused by this wave and will go once the wave does. 

 

 

[Dejavu]

2 hours ago, mdwstrx said:

I'm very interested to hear what the mods think about the nasty waves hitting 8 months out, especially after such improvement.  

I would too! Same thing is going on with me. Also 8 months out.

 

Tom, I'm so sorry you spent another sleepless night. I too, am still struggling in this wave - depression, crying spells, fatigue, dizziness and PGAD are all back, maybe not quite as bad as when I crashed, but with the PGAD, its pretty darn close. 

 

I wish there was something I could suggest for your insomnia, but you already know the list of possibilities; melatonin, magnesium, epsom salts baths, etc. Can't remember if you've tried some of these or if they work for you. Does ibuprofen (paracetamol to you) have an anxiolytic affect on you? It does me, and occasionally I'll take a couple to help me sleep when I'm restless. I'd even rather see you take a benadryl instead of a benzo, if you have to take anything at all. I hate to see you resort to benzos, but I also know going without sleep is awful. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

 

Hoping and praying for a quick resolution to these waves for both of us. I am hopeful that afterwards we will see big gains in stability, as I've read that is often the case. So if you hang in there, I will too!

 

Sending you healing energy tonight!

 

 

 

[Tom37]

Thanks Dejavu...not really up to replying today. Hopefully better tomorrow for us both.

[Tom37]

@Songbird Thanks for your message. Hopefully you get to where you want to be soon and can carry on tapering. If you have any tips on dealing with nights of no sleep do let me know.

 

Thanks

[Tom37]

Well got through another day. Still feeling pretty much the same as I have been so wave still kicking along. Managed to spend the afternoon out of bed so hopefully that will help with sleep tonight but I guess it is what it is. I know all the symptoms from my waves go when it ends so I’m hoping that the sleep issue is the same.

 

Thanks to everyone who has supported me so far this week as has been difficult. I know I struggle with going through this whole process but I really do appreciate this community. No idea where I would be without it. Thanks so much.

[Cheeky]

Hi Tom,

I just wanted to pop in and say hi from another fellow sufferer. I’ve been following your thread and can understand the frustration in wanting this to end. When I’m in a window I feel great and feel like the waves are just a bad dream, then when I’m in a wave I feel vulnerable, scared and feeling it will be permanent.

i don’t write very well so I don’t engage on this site very much, but just wanted to let you know I think your doing great and what your feeling is a normal part of this process.  Withdrawal sucks and I try to get through everyday knowing people have recovered.  When your feeling bad I try to do one thing , Distract ,keep moving so the day goes quicker.. I wish I could help

with advice for your sleeping, but do what you have to do to get some.

wishing you a window very soon.

cheeky ox

[Dejavu]

Just checking in @Tom37, to see how you're doing. Did you sleep? How do you feel today?

 

 

[Tom37]

Finally managed some sleep. Got around 5 to 6 hours so that is very pleasing. Still early where I am but definitely feeling  better for it. Still in this wave but hopefully it’s coming to an end as was actually far more comfortable in bed last night than at any other point during it. No valium  used either.

 

Will update later on at the end of my day. 

[Dejavu]

No benzo??? Fantastic!! See, your partner was right. It's just a wave symptom and will go when the wave does.

 

Thanks for posting on my thread. Strange how you and I seem to be in lockstep on timelines, windows, waves, etc. Maybe we have the same "withdrawal god"...lol!!

 

Hoping stabilization is just around the bend for both of us. You're right, we both deserve it.