Tom37: Lexapro taper

[Tom37]

Hi, still not doing as well as I was. Still feel like I’m stuck in this wave. It’s up and down and sort of feels like it’s about a 4 out of 10 in intensity. 
 

Im still able to function and work and I usually walk for an hour a day but I’m not really doing anything more than that. Sleeping is sometimes good and sometimes average but at least im able too. Symptoms are both physical and mental and the mental stuff as been a bit higher last couple of days.

 

Definitely feels like I’m in a slump and I know this could last months so just trying to deal with it. I know I will feel better again and there isn’t much I can do about it.

Hopefully will see overall progress when I come out of this.

 

 

[gentlehermione]

Hi @Tom37

 

Sorry to hear your wave is ongoing 🙁 Mine is too.

Not in my wildest dreams would I have expected to be plunged into a major wave at six years out. Actually, when my anxiety kicks in, I’ve caught myself wondering if it’s a setback - sure hope not!

 

Thinking of you and hoping you see some improvement soon.

[Tom37]

@gentlehermione

 

I don’t believe we are having an actual setback. You don’t lose all the healing that has happened previously. It’s just what can happen as our brain and nervous system are still fragile and need to heal. 
 

This too shall pass.

[getofflex]

@Tom37have you been off all psych drugs since 2018?  It looks like it from your signature, I'm just verifying.  

 

It sounds like you have good acceptance, and are dealing with the wave very well.  

[Katy398]

Hi @Tom37and @gentlehermione, So sorry you are both still experiencing waves after so long. As a Lexapro FTCT sufferer and coming up to my 5 year threshold off all meds,  I can fully identify with you.  I always have in my mind that we all heal eventually.  It is bound to vary depending on individual experiences. I feel for me, personal stresses are bound to interfere with my healing particularly coupled with my neurodiversity.  Ho hum onwards and upwards. We will heal and as you do rightly say Tom “This too shall pass”

take care. 

[Tom37]

Thanks @Katy398

 

Sorry you’re still dealing with it as well.

It’s just hard after feeling so good for quite a while to then lurch down again. 

 

Typically for me after a backwards period like this I do come out feeling a lot better than before so hopefully that happens. Was almost symptom free before this so hoping to get back to that soon.

[gentlehermione]

12 hours ago, Katy398 said:

I always have in my mind that we all heal eventually.  It is bound to vary depending on individual experiences. I feel for me, personal stresses are bound to interfere with my healing particularly coupled with my neurodiversity.  Ho hum onwards and upwards. We will heal and as you do rightly say Tom “This too shall pass”

 

Dear @Katy398

 

Thanks for your reassurance. I also believe we will heal and that it is just a question of time (albeit far too long!).

 

This past year has seen one major stressor after another for me and my family so perhaps that has just caught up with me 😕 
 

It’s a great comfort to know that others are on a similar path 🥰

 

Onward Christian soldiers!

[Tom37]

Update….still in this slump period. Same days I feel a bit better and then others like today a bit worse. 
 

It’s extremely frustrating and certainly wonder if I’ve ever actually felt better as can’t remember feeling good. I try to think of the things I was doing which must have meant I was.

 

Definitely have doubts about feeling good again but I guess just have to endure it.

 

Am functioning ok so I can work etc and get things done and walk every day but feel quite a way from where I was.

[gentlehermione]

10 hours ago, Tom37 said:

It’s extremely frustrating and certainly wonder if I’ve ever actually felt better as can’t remember feeling good. 

Dear @Tom37

 

I hear you! It’s just the “doom and gloom” of withdrawal trying to get the better of us 😉

 

 

[Tom37]

Update….still in this wave. Had quite a better day on Friday and thought that it  maybe breaking but woke up Saturday and it’s still going.

Yesterday and today have not been nice at all. 
 

Struggling with thoughts of it never ending and having to suffer with this forever.

 

Just want to feel better again.

[getofflex]

1 hour ago, Tom37 said:

Struggling with thoughts of it never ending and having to suffer with this forever.

Our mean and weaselly withdrawal brain will try to convince us of this, especially in a wave.  Please keep telling yourself that this will end, because eventually, it will.  Please read:  

 

On 2/13/2023 at 5:16 AM, Scrountz said:

5. Deconstruct eternity thinking

Withdrawal/ADR symptoms are incredibly compelling. Often when a wave of symptoms arises, one feels they will always feel this way forever. I know for me, when a wave of depression hits, I have a hard time believing it won’t last forever. The reality is that symptoms change over time. Recovery follows an unpredictable course, yet no feeling is final. Waves will always end eventually. Remind yourself that symptoms are not forever, and you will feel differently eventually. Symptom journals can be incredibly helpful in this regard, as when eternity thinking sets in, you can revisit past journals to see how your experience has changed over time. 

 

It's from this link, which would be very helpful to read.  

 

Techniques for Managing Withdrawal

[Tom37]

Thanks @getofflex

 

I know I’ll have better days ahead and how I feel 6 months from now will no doubt be very different. 
 

Before this wave I knew I wasn’t recovered as still had the odd minor symptom come and go so I knew more waves were inevitable. I guess my brain and cns are still sorting things out hence the symptoms.

[Tom37]

Better sleep last night. Got 5 hours straight.
Symptoms still as have been. Seem to swap around at the moment and will then slightly change.

 

Has been hot as in summer here but today meant to be a lot cooler which will help.

 

 

[Tom37]

Noting…..Another rough day. Felt a bit better yesterday afternoon and evening but back to it today. Symptoms similar but have changed a bit.

 

This morphing during a wave is so annoying as you get use to a set of symptoms or a main symptom and it then starts to ease only to be replaced. I guess it’s just the nervous system and brain trying to fix itself.

 

Currently sleeping about 5 to 5.5 hours a night which is fine for me.

 

Still working and doing what needs to be done but waves do make for very long days.

 

Even though I was doing so much better before this my nervous system is clearly still very fragile and I need to take better care or myself when this wave ends.

 

 

[getofflex]

Tom I hear acceptance and fortitude in your response.  Keep soldiering on - your nervous system is healing, and so is mine.  I spent 2-3 hours awake in bed last night in a wave, feeling restless and agitated.  But I keep telling myself, this too shall pass. 

[gentlehermione]

Hang in there Tom. It will get better.

 

After around 9 weeks (maybe 10?) in a heavy duty wave I’ve started to see improvements.

 

Chin up - we’ll get there yet 🤗

[Tom37]

Thanks @gentlehermione

I’m a couple of weeks behind you so hopefully I improve soon too.

 

Going to be another tough day today. Woken to be more intense than yesterday. Didn’t do much yesterday other than two very gentle 20min walks and essential stuff. 
 

Will just do some work from home and whatever else needs to be done.

 

Withdrawal brain can’t see this ending yet if this was someone else I know that it will.

 

 

[Tom37]

Thanks @getofflex I’m sorry to hear you are in or just had a wave. 
 

Amazing how long it takes for our nervous systems to become more resilient. I guess waves are good as we need them to heal even more. It’s the duration of mine that’s making it hard. Give me a short and real intense one any time.

[Tom37]

Wave still going and it’s been 7 days since it intensified after feeling a lot better on Friday last week.

 

Had a decent sleep of 5 or 6 hours. 
Have one main symptom which feels kind of flu like inside me. Had this symptom so many times in slightly different variations. Still getting a bit of hot and cold and upset stomach. 
 

I know I’ve had a lot worse waves but it’s the duration that’s the hard part.
 

I have a couple of posts from on here that I refer to about not loosing all the healing that’s happened and how it’s actually a good thing to be hit with a tough wave after doing so well as that’s when healing happens. 
 

Still can be a battle to remain positive especially in the mornings.

 

I am thankful to be sleeping relatively ok.

 

I mainly post on here just to journal how I’m doing so I can always look back on my progress and I can see that every wave has ended.

[sandnit]

@Tom37, hey there. I was just reading some posts on this site and came across your page. I'm in a very similar situation to yours. I'm also on a long hold at 5mg lex after a much to rapid taper. And I'm now going through my longest wave. More than 7 weeks and ongoing now. Earlier in the wave I had better days and thought it might be ending but boy I was wrong.

 

Staying positive and remaining confident the wave will end is a struggle for me too at the moment because of the duration of this wave. 

 

But we got this! This will end! Sending you lots of healing and wishing you all the best. 

 

 

[Tom37]

Hello,

 

For the last 4 days now have been feeling a lot better and feels like I’m coming out of this long wave. 
 

Im still not back to where I was pre wave so that is frustrating but pleased to be feeling a lot better.

 

I’m hoping I’ll continue to feel better and remaining symptoms will fade away but get worried that I’m stuck and this is my new normal.

 

Anyone out there that has had a slow transition from wave to window please let me know. 

Thank you to @gentlehermione and @getofflex for your help over the last couple of months.

 

 

 

[Vasherr]

Just out of curiosity, do You take Your pill everyday at exactly the same time, to the minute?

[getofflex]

@Tom37I truly believe that you will feel as good as, if not better after you fully recover from this wave.  I'm glad to hear that you are coming out of it.  Try reading some of the success stories, that helps a lot. 

[Tom37]

Thanks @getofflex

 

Noting…unfortunately I’m not coming out of this wave as symptoms have increased again although not as bad as they were. They have also changed so definitely a sign this wave is still carrying on.

 

Still functional and doing what needs to be done and sleeping 5 to 6 hours a night so that is ok.

 

Trying to keep myself busy to distract and get through the day but not always easy.

 

Hopefully not much longer to go.

[Tom37]

Still in this never ending wave.

 

It seems to change every 7 to 10 days and symptoms will change or morph around after feeling better for a bit. 
 

It’s definitely not as bad as the waves i went through the first few years but it’s the duration that is the hard part.

 

Still functional and always get a walk in after work.

 

Hopefully one day life will move on and won’t be on ‘hold’ like has been since this all started.

[gentlehermione]

On 1/9/2024 at 7:07 PM, Tom37 said:

Hopefully one day life will move on and won’t be on ‘hold’ like has been since this all started.

@Tom37
 

In spite of striving each day to live in the moment, like you, I can’t help feeling that my life has been put “on hold” for the past 6+ years 🙁

 

We just have to keep slogging away! It will get better 😉

[Tom37]

Wave still going.

 

Still seems to keep changing every week or so. Symptoms starting get more intense yesterday and that has carried on through the night. 
 

Have had times of feeling ‘better’ during this wave but it’s never stoped. It’s just eased up and then kicks back in.

 

For the most part it hasn’t been like the acute waves I got for so long that left me struggling to do anything.

 

I expect it will be around for at least another month or two but have to prepare myself it could be longer.

 

Hopefully means some serious healing is happening.

[getofflex]

23 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Hopefully means some serious healing is happening.

Yes, I believe that this means healing is happening, and so do others on this site.  Hang in there, and use this time as an opportunity to learn coping techniques and skills.  As Shep used to say, our waves can teach us something.  

[Tom37]

Thanks @getofflex

 

Yes we need the waves to get better otherwise we won’t heal. Unfortunately recovery isn’t linear at all.

[RachelSusan]

@Tom37

 

Hi, how are you doing?  I hope that wave have receded. 

 

Warm wishes.

[Tom37]

Thanks @RachelSusan

 

Unfortunately this wavey period continues. It’s up and down with symptoms changing. I seem to get a day or two where I feel good but then the symptoms just change and on it goes. It’s not as bad as the beginning and I’m ok to function etc but it’s still frustrating and not pleasant. 
 

It just feels like my nervous system wasn’t happy with where I was at before this period started and is doing what it needs to do to fix things I guess.

 

I’ve given up thinking too much about it and just keep on doing what needs to be done and hopefully soon I’ll be feeling good again.

 

 

[RachelSusan]

@Tom37 Hi Tom, I am very sorry to hear you are still having symptoms.  You report you are able to function, which is good.  Like you said, sometimes you still have to do things that need to get done. I've had symptoms where I was completely debilitated and then symptoms that while uncomfortable did not completely stop me from functioning. I applaud you for picking up and moving forward with experiencing the uncomfortable symptoms. I hope that you feel good sooner rather than later. Please keep us posted about your progress.

[Dee12h]

How are you feeling now?

[Tom37]

Hello,

 

Been a while since I last posted.

 

The last 4/5 months I’ve been doing pretty good. Been at my baseline and while still have a symptom or two I’ve almost been able to live a full life.

 

Have started back playing golf again and have been able to play two or three days in a row without any issues. How I feel may increase a little the next day but nothing more than that. Also just came back from a golfing holiday and that went well. Symptoms where just how they have been.

 

Unfortunately I’ve now lurched back into a proper wave which has stopped me in my tracks. Did some exercise two days in a row so maybe that triggered it or maybe it was just time for one. It’s more of a big increase in how I’ve been feeling over the last few months so not multiple symptoms like the old days. Makes sleep difficult so that doesn’t help. The normal thoughts are there too, thinking it won’t end, that I can’t remember being well etc. I’m only at day two of it yet feels like it’s been forever. I’ve just had to switch into self care mode.

 

I am worried it will be a down turn that lasts months again but this one does feel a lot different so maybe it won’t be.

 

I thought my journey was coming to an end but clearly my body isn’t happy and I guess as long as you still have some symptoms when feeling good, more waves are inevitable and I’m trying to focus on waves are a good thing as you need them to keep healing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Tom37]

Another sleepless night.

Just couldn’t stay still as feel all shaky like I’m sick but different and worse.

 

Hopefully I’m at the peak of this acute stage…at work but struggling a lot today.

 

Hopefully I can get through this wave.

 

 

[Tom37]

Seem to have passed the acute phase of this wave as am able to sleep and not having to get up and move around. Have had two nights of 5 or so hours.

 

I thought once the peak had past it would quickly ease completely but I’m still in it and now fear I’m stuck and this will be it for weeks or months.

 

Its one main symptom which is hard to explain.

 

I am able function a lot easier than when it started but still not good enough to do much else. 
 

I guess it’s only day five and should try to remember that this too shall pass…..eventually.