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Tom37

Tom37: Lexapro taper

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mdwstrx
19 minutes ago, Snorky said:

Hi

 

When you say “it’s chemical in nature”... I thought the perceived wisdom on here was that it wasn’t. I ask as I’m currently sliding further and further down my doom cloud.  I trends to work from home today. (was a blessing while only dealing with fibromyalgia type symptoms) Now a disaster, obsessive thoughts and palpable depressive sensations. Utterly unbearable, and getting worse.

 

Thank you

 

Hello Snorky.

I replied to your question on your thread.

Md

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Snorky
14 minutes ago, mdwstrx said:

 

Hello Snorky.

I replied to your question on your thread.

Md

You you did. Thank you

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Tom37

Managed to get into the office and somehow working despite how I feel and the fear that comes with waves...the will I ever feel better again....did i cause this wave to happen....is this actually a wave or just me causing it...try to float through it all and doesn’t cause me any physical anxiety but the thoughts do your head in. 

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Snorky
51 minutes ago, Tom37 said:

Managed to get into the office and somehow working despite how I feel and the fear that comes with waves...the will I ever feel better again....did i cause this wave to happen....is this actually a wave or just me causing it...try to float through it all and doesn’t cause me any physical anxiety but the thoughts do your head in. 

HI

 

Having experienced angst and the 24/7 black depressive sensations that I currently have, I know which one I’d prefer.

 

Hope your situation improves quickly.

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getofflex

Tom 37 you are in my thoughts and prayers.  I know how rough the sleepless anxious nights are.  I've been there. Jennifer

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thelegend
4 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Managed to get into the office and somehow working despite how I feel and the fear that comes with waves...the will I ever feel better again....did i cause this wave to happen....is this actually a wave or just me causing it...try to float through it all and doesn’t cause me any physical anxiety but the thoughts do your head in. 


Tom I am so sorry you keep coming back to this. At least you are getting good windows which seem to be as long or longer than your waves. That is a big plus I think!

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Tom37

Got through my day but it was a tough one. Hardest so far in this wave. Maybe it’s reaching it’s peak and will slowly start to ease but who knows as it’s wd and could quite easily feel worse tomorrow. At least it’s friday so three nights to hopefully feel better for Monday.

 

Been thinking that really must still have a lot that needs to be repaired to be getting bad waves this far out from crashing. For anyone reading this that has recovered or is close to it.....did your waves only start getting easier when you felt close to normal or normal in a window? Or are bad waves normal even when close to recovery because they make you feel sooooooo far away.

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Tom37

Got about 6 to 6.5 hours last night so feel bit better this morning. Same symptoms still there just a little bit less in intensity so far but will see what the day brings. Actually fell asleep on the couch before bed which is very unlike me.

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getofflex
21 minutes ago, Tom37 said:

Got about 6 to 6.5 hours last night so feel bit better this morning. Same symptoms still there just a little bit less in intensity so far but will see what the day brings. Actually fell asleep on the couch before bed which is very unlike me.

Tom I'm so glad to hear that.  I've been able to get about 6 to 7.5 hours of sleep recently, which is wonderful, considering how bad I felt a year ago after tapering too fast (before finding this forum).  

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Tom37

Thanks @getofflex yip the sleepless nights just make everything that much worse doesn’t it. Usually sleep well the next night as just exhausted from it all. I’m lucky that insomnia hasn’t been a really big issue for me I just get it when physical symptoms are really bad during a wave making it impossible to sleep. Out of a wave I usually get 5 to 7 hours a night.

 

i follow your thread so glad you have improved a lot.

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Tom37

Another 5 to 6 hours last night. Was wide awake when went to bed as had good sleep night before. Felt better yesterday so hopefully on the other side of this wave but time will tell. Usually takes at least a few days to get back to my current baseline and that’s pretty much how I’ll stay until the next wave. It kinda of scares me a little because you hope for some  improvement after a wave but with me I usually feel at the same overall level but with symptoms slightly changed so overall often don’t really feel any better just different but at least wave would have ended. Everything just keeps cycling as the body moves on to the next part to fix. Surely there can’t be too much more to fix!

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thelegend

You out of your wave @Tom37?

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Tom37

@thelegend yip out of the wave and coming down the other side....usually takes a few days to a week till get to whatever my current normal is so will wait and see.

 

Hope you had a decent weekend and a better week ahead at work. Thankfully my windows and waves don’t get influenced by work....they just happen on their own timing.

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Jmizz

Hey @Tom37 are you completely off lexapro now? If so for how long?

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Tom37

Just noting....

 

Last 9 or 10 days have been pretty good. Still not feeling ‘normal’ but feeling a lot better for the most part. Sleep has been ok and even did 7 hours straight the other night. Baseline seems to be continuing to improve but at a very slow pace. Definitely have to look back in months to see the improvement.

 

Unfortunately back into a wave last night. Seems to be very similar to the ones I’ve been having but so far not as intense. Had the random and racing intrusive thoughts about stuff I wouldn’t think twice about, headache, chills, bit of nausea and just feeling unwell like I always seem to get. Meant a night of no sleep which seems to always happen at start of a wave. Was up urinating about 6 times again as well when normally never up at all. My partner thinks it’s a hallmark of my waves as always seems to happen so she knows what it means.
 

Just can’t seem to last longer than a week or two at the most between waves which is so frustrating but grateful I get windows where feel a lot better and able to function pretty normally. 

 

This condition is just so demoralising with the ups and downs and having no idea where your at in your recovery but guessing I still have a way to go with waves I’m still getting and not symptom free in windows yet.

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thelegend

Man Tom, I guess just keep going. Not sure what else to say as I am still living my own personal hell and don’t know what else to do. Glad to hear you got a window, but that is frustrating that they don’t seem to last very long.

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thelegend

How you doing @Tom37? I take it back in a window since we haven’t heard from you?

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Tom37

Been almost a month since updated.....

 

Since end of last wave have been feeling pretty good. Still not symptom free but the way I have been feeling is more annoying than suffering. Some days are better than others with how I feel and still know I’m not ‘right’ and that still in wd which is the scary part. The symptoms I do have are still changing so I seem to be exactly like that rubix cube analogy....body fixes something and then moved on to the next part until everything is fixed. 
 

I have slipped back into a wave at the moment. Started on Wednesday night with my stomach and feeling like I wanted to be sick, then the weird headache and a weird tired feeling inside me which makes me want to just lie down and rest. Few random memories coming back and more emotional than normal. Definitely not as bad as earlier waves but it does get you down. Positive I guess is no sleepless nights during this wave and had 7 hours last two nights.

 

Hopefully it ends soon and feel better than before....this journey is just so so long and just wish I could know how far through it I am as it feels never ending which makes you lose hope.

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sunnysideup69

@Tom37, Lexapro is a b**tard. Healing from it is gonna take time, as you know. I'm glad you've been feeling better, and you'll be right back to that again soon ❤️

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Katy398

Oh Tom,

I really wish you all the best. I too am a lexapro WD sufferer. Didn’t taper though just Fast track./ cold turkey!!! Jumped off at 20 mgs !!! It’s scary stuff it really is. 

It sounds like you are doing ok though just take each day as it comes. 

Take care K

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Lynnardgirl

thanks for the post! Yes it’s such a struggle 

the waves can be so intense but the end is coming, god bless you and know you will soon be healed ! 

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Tom37

Thanks all.....into day 5 of current wave and it’s not fun at the moment. Probably the worst day of it so far. Usually my waves only last 3 to 5 days and peak quite early but this one seems different. Thoughts were all over the place in bed this morning as woke at half 3 and couldn’t get back to sleep because of how I felt. Hopefully it eases up soon as in waves I always lose perspective on everything as always doubt my ability to handle even the simplest of things let alone big things.

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Tom37

Definitely a tough day....left office after lunch as just wasn’t feeling well. Feel like I’m got some flu bug like I always seem to feel like in a wave. Going bit hot and cold and have zero appetite with a furry mouth as stomach not right and just this horrible internal feeling where feel like I’m about to panic over something....hard to describe that one and of course mentally all over the place. 
 

Tried to go for a small walk and while I lasted 15 or 20 mins felt rubbish the whole time so home to the couch but then doing doesn’t help either so just have to tough it out and wait for it to end but it’s Monday so could be a tough week ahead. Could be a long night as hard to sleep feeling like this as I feel so uncomfortable I keep needing to move.....can’t even remember what it feels like to be better....must be a wave.

 

All I want is to have one morning of waking up next to my partner after a good night sleep and not be in wd as we have had seperate rooms since this all started to help me sleep better. Just one more time is all I want.

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Lynnardgirl

Wow sounds likE my day! Hopefully 

 the rest of the week goes smoothly! So sorry 

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mdwstrx

Hi Tom.

So sorry to hear another wave has rolled in.  

It seems as if you were getting some good long windows.

 

Amazing how this drug holds on. 

Praying things settle down and you 

find stability once and for all.

 

Md🌼

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Tom37

Thanks @mdwstrx hope your doing well.

 

Am getting some good windows and slowly getting there it’s just ridiculously slow but is what it is. So many symptoms have come and gone that you don’t think there could possibly be anymore left to go through but....it keeps on going. 

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mdwstrx

Thanks!  Doing surprisingly well in between

tapering w/d.  Praying it continues

since there's still a long way to go...sigh.

Slow and steady is the way off this poison.  

 

We've kind'a gone through this from the beginning

it seems. So happy to be past those early days

and knowing we are both in better place since then,

even though we're not where we want to be... yet. 💜

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Tom37

Well last night was a horrible night. No sleep was ever going to happen as symptoms far to intense. Especially the feeling of being so unwell. It was always there but would come on in surges to be even worse. I can lie still when it happens so have to move around and get up and walk or sit or do something. Weird thoughts and random images were full on. 
 

It really was a horrible night and haven’t had one that bad in a long time. I can only hope I’m at the peak of this wave which is turning out to be a big one. Not even going into office today so will do the bare minimum from home.....I’ve had enough of this suffering it needs to end. Feel like crying that I’m still going through bad waves like this.

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thelegend
55 minutes ago, Tom37 said:

Well last night was a horrible night. No sleep was ever going to happen as symptoms far to intense. Especially the feeling of being so unwell. It was always there but would come on in surges to be even worse. I can lie still when it happens so have to move around and get up and walk or sit or do something. Weird thoughts and random images were full on. 
 

It really was a horrible night and haven’t had one that bad in a long time. I can only hope I’m at the peak of this wave which is turning out to be a big one. Not even going into office today so will do the bare minimum from home.....I’ve had enough of this suffering it needs to end. Feel like crying that I’m still going through bad waves like this.


Shoot Tom, I was hoping you were past this!! Try to think back to your almost month long window and just know you will get there again! You can’t be far off now!

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Tom37

Thanks mate....thought I was over these big waves too but clearly not. It’s a minute by minute day which means it’s a day of suffering. Try to remember that I’ve been through waves like this before and come out the other side and try to tell myself that have to go through these to get to where want to be but do wonder if will ever get there. 

 

Hope your doing ok.

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Tom37

Got through the day although lying on the couch for the majority of it hardly counts as getting through but some days you have no option. Still feeling like I did last night but it does wax and wane a bit. Have a feeling tonight will be another bad night and if it is then nothing much I can do about it just get through it without fighting it. When I have bad deep waves usually peaks for 3 or 4 days then starts to ease and only really at beginning of day 2 but we shall see.
 

Almost 15 months from crashing and still trying to heal. May not even be half way yet....who knows.

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sunnysideup69

It's frustratingly slow. Three steps forward, two steps back. All the while, your system is healing. I also had a bit of a couch day for a few days this weekend. Sometimes it just has to be done. Continually finding out what I can cope with, at the moment.

 

Sending good vibes and support your way.

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Tom37

Thanks @sunnysideup69

 

Was feeling bit better in bed last night so managed 6 hours sleep. Still wasn’t feeling great but better enough to be able to rest. Feeling bit better today but still in this wave. Was hoping to feel a lot better but not to be as this wave is definitely longer and deeper than normal.

 

At work which is manageable so just getting through the day. Trying to remember that all previous waves have ended and so will this one but I always think during them that ‘this one just feels different so it might not’. So frustrating.

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Longestroadhome

Hi Tom, I saw your thread and felt led to jump in. I am a lexapro survivor too! 
I jumped off at 2mg 18 months ago. Wouldn’t recommend doing that but thank God it seems to have worked well for me.

 

Before I jumped off I had been stuck on 2mg for a long time. My withdrawal from 5mg down were the hardest in the entire journey. I never thought I would get off that stuff. The fear of withdrawing again was awful and I felt as though my life was never going to change. 
 

I started listening to a lot of speakers on changing your thinking. Dr Joe Dispenza and his Audible book, ‘The Placebo’ was the first. It helped me to see that a different mindset was needed by myself if I was ever going to get off antidepressants. I realised that my thoughts were producing FEAR which was then producing symptoms. Now I am not discrediting withdrawal symptoms....they are real, but often made much worse by the fear association that comes with them. I learned that by making changes to the way I think I can drastically reduce physical symptoms of anxiety. It sounds a bit New Age and off with the fairies and if you knew me in real life you would know that I am not sucked in by things like that easily. But I was desperate for help and a friend had told me about Joe Dispenza so I listened. Along with him I watched some YouTube videos by a lady called Byron Katie who offers a method she calls ‘ The Work’ to re analyse and change our thinking patterns. It is very simple. Eckhart Tolle is similar but he doesn’t really describe HOW to achieve peace as well as Byron Katie does. 
 

18 months down the track and I am doing pretty good. I still have bad days but don’t we all, but for the main I am pretty stable and enjoying my life. I still regularly have to watch my thinking, or over thinking as Eckhart says. It becomes an unhealthy cycle like a hamster on a wheel and thoughts lead to physical symptoms which again leads back to more negative thoughts. Someone asked me how thoughts can lead to physical symptoms, well if you ever suffered a panic attack you would know. Last week I woke with a negative mood and was dwelling on a life situation that was causing me stress. My mood continued to dip throughout the day. By late afternoon, in desperation, I tried The Work ( Byron Katie) on myself. Within twenty minutes I was happy and joyful with no anxiety. This works! I never got relief like that when I was on Benzo. Life can be tough and very difficult at times and we are not meant to live on clouds, rolling above the troubles. But we can learn to ride the waves, to deal with situations as they arise and be the best version of us that we can. Sometimes that comes from being at the very bottom and learning to rise up. There are many stories of people who have faced strong adversaries in life yet risen up like a Phoenix and used that difficulty to help others. If we don’t conquer our fears they will conquer us. 
 

I wish you well 🙏

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getofflex
14 hours ago, Longestroadhome said:

Hi Tom, I saw your thread and felt led to jump in. I am a lexapro survivor too! 
I jumped off at 2mg 18 months ago. Wouldn’t recommend doing that but thank God it seems to have worked well for me.

 

Before I jumped off I had been stuck on 2mg for a long time. My withdrawal from 5mg down were the hardest in the entire journey. I never thought I would get off that stuff. The fear of withdrawing again was awful and I felt as though my life was never going to change. 
 

 

I too am working on getting off Lexapro.  I'm currently on 0.2 mg of the liquid.  It is very encouraging for me to see that you have successfully gotten off Lexapro!  It gives me hope that I too can get off this nasty drug.  I've also been having a lot of external stressors, so that makes it tougher.  But, I'm determined to get off of this completely, no matter how long it takes.  I think it is hardest at the end, because now we are having to learn how to cope with our emotions head on, without the buffer of the drug.  Congratulations of your successful withdrawal.  

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Tom37

Ended up feeling better as yesterday went on. Still in this wave but seem to be on the other side of it now. Got about 5 hours sleep last night as while wasn’t feeling bad in bed just felt weird and can tell still this morning still in wave but feeling better than yesterday morning so hopefully in a few days out of it completely but then get scared that I am out of wave and how I feel now is my current baseline😩.....just wish I could got to bed and wake up knowing that I’m going to feel ‘normal’ everyday.

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