Dylanmatthew: Lexapro withdrawal. I'm going through a very tough time and I'm very afraid

[Altostrata]

I buy NOW Foods Super Omega. Nothing fancy.

[ChessieCat]

4 hours ago, Dylanmatthew said:

 

I eat a small bag of chips daily.....

 

I really do just love eating chips. I have flamin' hot cheetos and tortilla chips with salsa in my pantry right now.     

 

 

I'd be checking the ingredients.  That may be why you love the chips, just like I did the Pringles chips.

[PatriciaVP]

On 7/28/2019 at 1:44 PM, Dylanmatthew said:

 

 I am not a sane person. I am not well.

What makes you say this? Is it the withdrawal symptoms or something else? I've found the term sane to be relative, and I am wondering what you mean by it. These drugs can make us feel like many things are true which in fact are not.

[Dylanmatthew]

Patricia. Looking back I'm unsure why I said I was not sane... I'm definitely not well, though. I am feeling slightly better than last week. I just don't have the energy for life is seems. I'm 27. I can't enjoy anything. It's like there is a weight inside my brain. Anhedonia and fatigue are awful. 

 

On 7/30/2019 at 4:34 AM, PatriciaVP said:

What makes you say this?

 

Does anyone know why it is possible to be off Lexapro for 2 months before all these syptoms started? I want to read more on it but not sure how to search it. 

 

Edited August 2, 2019 by ChessieCat
removed blasphemy

[Kostas]

Hi Dylan, 

As it was said many times here,every time you take a phychoactive drug, your nervous system is doing lots of changes trying to obtain a functional homeostasis. 

If succeed, you are feeling well, for however long it lasts. 

When you stop it , it's trying to undo these changes, and in the beginning you feel nothing or very little, since these changes are very slow, till  more profound ones are taking place, trying to get a new homeostasis, and full blown wd occur. 

In my case, wd symptoms hit me years after completely coming off the drug! 

They lasted  almost 18 months , gradually faded, and now for 2 years I am OK. 

 

[RichT]

4 hours ago, Dylanmatthew said:

Patricia. Looking back I'm unsure why I said I was not sane... I'm definitely not well, though. I am feeling slightly better than last week. I just don't have the energy for life is seems. I'm 27 for Christ's sake. I can't enjoy anything. It's like there is a weight inside my brain. Anhedonia and fatigue are awful. 

 

 

Does anyone know why it is possible to be off Lexapro for 2 months before all these syptoms started? I want to read more on it but not sure how to search it. 

 

Hi Dylanmatthew,

 

Serious withdrawal symptoms can make us feel very abnormal, and I guess that can sometimes feel like insanity! But it isn’t.

 

It’s very common for people to develop symptoms months after stopping or changing dose, and those symptoms can hit quite suddenly. That was certainly the case with me. As to why, i’m not sure, I don’t think it’s really been studied scientifically. It’s as if the brain can suddenly swap states - I guess some kind of tipping point is reached and the whole brain is affected.

 

R

[Dylanmatthew]

Just an update. I went to my doctors and had about 6 different blood tests done to see if anything else was making me feel so unwell and fatigued. All came back normal. Well, except for slightly low potassium and 31 ng ml vit d which isn't actually deficient. Even testosterone came back normal. I have been suffering with this horrendous fatigue for a year straight with no relief. Some days are manageable, other days I feel like I am literally at deaths door with how bad the fatigue is. Human speech is limited in describing how we feel. No one actually knows how others feel, they just have a vague idea of it. Which makes me feel more alone in my suffering. My head feels unbalanced and heavy, like it's draining itself into my body. My body feels so slow, malaise consumes me sometimes where it is all I can think of. I decided not to go on a family camping trip this weekend. I have lost my life. I tried jogging for 10 minutes yesterday and walked 30 minutes total in the woods on a 70F, beautiful day. I felt no relief only anxiety. My next move is most likely going to be getting back on an antidepressant. Perhaps wellbutrin. If that doesn't work I may get a little extreme. I don't plan on feeling like this for the next 50+ years. I refuse.

[eymen23]

Dylan,

 

It seems you continue to suffer from protracted withdrawal syndrome, which I’m very sorry to hear.

 

Fatigue and malaise can certainly be withdrawal symptoms and I’ve actually struggled with these at times during recent drug reductions, more so than anxiety or insomnia. Like yourself, blood work is yet to pin point any medical cause, so one can only assume it’s withdrawal related. 
 

Are you experiencing these symptoms every day and all day, with no respite? Or are there windows mixed in? 
 

Please be careful in making any decisions about trialling new medications. I understand that the symptoms can be unbearable at times and very isolating, but new drugs (especially at high dosages) can sometimes make things worse, not better. If you do decide to make any drug changes, I would suggest making any changes or increases slowly, to avoid the risk of a dramatic and prolonged worsening of symptoms. 
 

Crashes like the one you had last year, can take a long time to resolve. It’s not uncommon for it to take more than a year to feel better, so please bear this in mind before moving forwards.

[Dylanmatthew]

Hey, eymen. I really appreciate the fast feedback. I am sitting home alone right now because I missed out on the family camping trip so I just sit around and think. But when I went to the grocery store yesterday I felt very stressed, weak, and anxious. I wanted to escape. But I got my groceries and felt better. I don't understand ANYTHING anymore. Perhaps I should have gotten every blood tests available to me and went into big debt, I am unsure. I got the basics. I even thought it could be my thyroid since my TSH was 3.4. But my T3 and T4 are fine and doctor won't do anything for it. I hate how I can only ASSUME it's WD. I want facts. I want answers and solutions. It's been a year.  Maybe I need a sleep study to see if I have sleep apnea, I DON"T KNOW.

 

It's daily. I have waves mixed in during the day, though. From what I have gathered it's worse in the morning and early afternoon. Evening and night before bed I usually feel a little more stable but sleepy so it's not like I get energy, ever. I am still debating driving 1.5 hours to the campsite and just hanging ou for a few hours with my family. I just don't want to feel so unwell I get a panic attack driving 60 miles there and 60 miles back. I have been out on life so much. 

 

You know I have still just been on the 0.5mg diluted escitalopram that I started Dec. 7 2018? I wonder if taking that is making it stay bad. I use this small, clear, glass container without a lid, and I stick it in the fridge and I usually use it for 3 days before making a new batch. This isn't living life. My other theory is that this is my raw depression showing itself in physical form here to torture me because I stopped taking my lexapro and this is how I should be feeling and the lexapro staved off the horrible fatigue? I don't know. No one can know. 

 

Thank you for letting me rant to you.

Edited October 13, 2019 by eymen23
Removed small part about ‘I want it to end’.

[eymen23]

,Are these symptoms you had before starting psychiatrist drugs? How do the symptoms compare overall with then? 

Are you performing any forms of self care, such as eating well, taking light exercise, mindfulness, therapy etc? 

Edited October 13, 2019 by eymen23

[Dylanmatthew]

Good questions. 

 

I started taking drugs back in 2011, I believe. I can't even remember the drugs. I think one was buproprion or something I took for a few months. I remember going cold turkey off one and got brain zaps then felt fine a few days later. Anyways. I had none of these symptoms before the drugs, and mostly none during either. I believe on lexapro when I was on 10mg and higher I felt more sleepy, not fatigued. 

I got on drugs in the first place because my grandparents noticed I was sad and emotional and that I was depressed. I wish at the time instead of being fed drugs I worked on myself, my diet, and my environment more. I was so addicted to video games, it was all I looked forward to. Now I don't enjoy anything or look forward to anything. It's all so dull. I have no emotions anymore either. The life has been sucked from me.

 

My self care is I try to eat better. I eat better than my family and they don't feel as sh*tty as I do. My exercise is only a light walk 30min a day with my dog in the woods and I guess I walk a little bit at work but not much... I am currently doing pushups and lifting weights as we speak, though. But that only started 10 minutes ago. it's not a normal activitiy for me.

 

I don't do therapy, meditation or mindfulness. Nothing

[eymen23]

Dylan,

 

It sounds like prior to medication you were perhaps living a life that was considered a little ‘reclusive’ and could of done with exploring more meaningful hobbies and ambitions, but it didn’t sound like you were experiencing symptoms as serious as you are now. Of course I am not a medical professional, so I can’t diagnose in that respect.

 

The healthy diet and dog-walking are both good things to be doing. Perhaps some therapy would be beneficial? It’s true that we can’t figure everything out in therapy when withdrawal is causing a lot of symptoms, but perhaps it could help you find more meaning in your current situation and explore what you’d like in the future as things start to improve. 

Edited October 13, 2019 by eymen23

[LostInMarshes]

@Dylanmatthew how are you doing? Are you okay? Please check in. I've been reading your blog and am worried that you stopped posting...

[Dylanmatthew]

17 hours ago, Stormstrong said:

@Dylanmatthew how are you doing? Are you okay? Please check in. I've been reading your blog and am worried that you stopped posting...

I appreciate your concern. I'm doing... Okay. I'm just existing at this point. Feels like I've lost my soul. Spending my days at work and when I come home I consume things. It's not a life worth living and I'm just waiting it out I guess. 

 

Thank you for checking in on me. I haven't done anything drastic, yet. Hope you're doing well too. How do you feel most days? 

[ryan1982]

Hey @Dylanmatthew- how you holding up?  have a good holiday?

[andy96gr]

Hello @Dylanmatthewhow are you doing now?