wildling: SSRI & oxazepam - I miss me and want me back

[wildling]

Admin note: link to benzo forum thread - Wildling: Tapering oxazepam

 

 

Hello wonderful humans and co-sufferers.

 

I decided to write here, in the hope of finding some light in the midst of darkness. First of all I apologize in advantage of my possible misspellings, english is not my native language.

 

I started SSRI medication in the fall 2016, they were prescriped for generalized anxiety. First Sertralin, too much side effects so doctor changed to Paroxetin. Spring 2017 still too much bad side effects so doctor decided to change to this new "amazing and well tolerated medicine called Brintellix." The first 3 months indeed were better on this new drug, although I felt numb, put on some weight and had an increase in my fibromyalgia pains. 

 

But fall 2017 it all changed: one day suddenly out of nowhere I started to feel detached from reality. Like the world dissapeared around me (later learned it was in fact derealization). It's been over a year now and this feeling has been 24/7 since in addition with other major symptoms. During that time I didn't experience any major trauma or stress and am convinced it has something to do with the medication since it had been a struggle with them from the beginning. I'm usually very sensitive to any kind of medicine.

 

Doctor at the time was convinced it was due to anxiety (of course you feel anxious when world "dissapears" around you) and suggested I'd raise the medication from my low dose of 5mg to 10mg. That months was even worse so I decided enough is enough, these toxic medications have to go.  At that time due to the high anxiety and panic caused by the DR, I also started taking oxazepam, first when I needed and then daily. Highest dose I ever took was 1 and a 1/2 pills per day.

 

So I tapered Brintellix in 2018 January-July, but now after reading peoples stories feel like the doctor adviced for too quick tapering. During that time, in addition to the constant DR I started to feel also bouts of depersonalization, like I didn't recognize myself in the mirror or my voice sounded unfamiliar and started to have very painful existential rumination and my OCD skyrocketed. I had burning pressure in my head and spine and couldn't sleep. I had bad memory, my perception of time was off and I had severe fears of dying or going crazy or having some sort of serious mental illness.

 

I still have all of the symptoms above and more and it feels like they are worsening every day. I didn't get support from my therapist or psychiatric doctor so I'm afraid to ask them advice. I have been tapering from oxazepam the last 3 month according to their advice. I currently only take 1/4 or 1/2 of a tablet if symptoms become too unbearable. So, could this all be SSRI and oxazepam withdrawal? I've also had mold and parasite issues treated and suffer from whiplash trauma in my neck (this happened around the same time I started to feel DR). I hope my story isn't too confusing to read. 

 

If you have any words of encouragement, I'm happy. It has come to a point where I no longer live, but survive from minute to minute. This constant fear of going crazy or losing control, not being able to silence the constant existential rumination, dissociation, not feeling safe or finding peace within and not being able to be present & hence enjoy everyday life is so hard and scary. I used to be good at handling anxiety (meditation, yoga, walking in nature, eating healthy etc. but these do not work at the moment at all.)

 

Thank you in advance.

 

Edited March 12, 2019 by Shep
added link to benzo forum thread

[Shep]

Hi, Wildling.

 

Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants.

 

It's possible you are dealing with both antidepressant withdrawal, along with a too-fast taper from Oxazepam. Since symptoms are very difficult right now, you most likely need to stop tapering and, depending on when your last reduction was, possibly even updose. Please note that benzodiazepine updoses work best within 2 - 4 weeks of the last reduction, so as you let us know more about your taper, we can better guide you. 

 

Here is some basic information: 

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Micro-taper instead of 10% or 5% decreases

 

The Brassmonkey Slide Method of Micro-tapering

 

What is withdrawal syndrome? 

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

How psychiatric drugs remodel your brain

 

What is happening in your brain?

 

A section that we highly recommend to members is the non-drug coping section. You'll find a lot of information on non-drug ways of making your journey off these drugs easier and will prepare you for your drug-free life ahead. 

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements, as many members report their nervous systems are simply too fragile to handle them. However, magnesium and fish oil tend to be calming to the nervous system and many people report they do help. Please only add in one supplement at a time and at a small dose. For more, please see:

 

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

Please update your signature to include the months (if you have that information) and the doses for each drug. 

 

Account - Setting - Signature

 

Are you only on Oxazepam now? Are you taking any supplements? If so, please list them in your signature. 

 

Please let us now more about your Oxazepam reductions and how fast you are tapering. 

 

Please continue to use this thread to document your symptoms and to ask plenty of questions. 

 

[wildling]

Hello, and thank you for your kind reply!

 

My SSRI and benzo taper have been very unorganized. My doctor told me to just drop one day every week (so 1 week took the dose (5mg) every day, next week only 6 days, next week 5 days and so on) she said there might be just minor discomfort, as Brintellix should be easy to just quit.... VERY ignorant in retrospective. 

Since I managed to take the last dose of brintellix in the end of august 2018, it was time totackle oxazepam. And I managed to drop the dose rapidly so that there were indeed weeks I totally forgot to take it. 

 

I took oxazepam september 2017 - september 2018 with the dosage 7,5mg/1-3 times a day depending the level of anxiety. There where days when I really didn't need it so I skipped. When I started to taper it I begin to take only 3,75-7,5 mg/ day skipping multiple days in between. It was very rapid and I fought against the symptoms as I thought they will pass and because doctor once again told me I should be fine. Around the end of november and december I didn't take them anymore.

 

The last few weeks I've had to take it again 3,75 mg approximately 2-3 times per week.

 

I hope this explanation makes sense.

 

I'm also very hard on myself so I felt a sense of urgency to stop taking the drugs as they made me feel so bad. 

[India]

Horrendous for you. I experienced 5 months of derealization and it was hell. I've come out of it now. You will heal. Follow all the guidelines given here. Also, what worked for me was lots of rest, magnesium, positive YouTube videos and like you said surviving moment to moment. Writing on here when you feel desperate! You will recover! Keep hold of that. The best thing for me was not overstimulating my nervous system- I did go swimming - and walk in park .. that was it. And deep breathing. I feel so much for you! 

 

Edited January 20, 2019 by ChessieCat
removed quote

[India]

You are not  crazy.. I lost my memory too. It was all related to withdrawal symptoms . There are 1000s of ppl with exactly the same pattern of symptoms. It helped me when I was told I was not crazy but this was withdrawal. The greatest scandal in all this is that patients are being told it's them and not the meds!!

 

Edited January 20, 2019 by ChessieCat
removed quote

[India]

My memory is recovery btw!!

[Shep]

19 hours ago, wildling said:

The last few weeks I've had to take it again 3,75 mg approximately 2-3 times per week.

 

It's very hard to taper off periodic use. You may want to pick a dose that you take every day, stabilize on it, and then taper off it slowly. 

 

 Oxazepam has a 4 - 15 hour half life, depending on how quickly you are metabolizing it, so you're going into withdrawal when you skip days. Ideally, you'd want to take a small amount every few hours to keep from going into inter-dose withdrawal (withdrawal in between doses) throughout the day.

 

Likely some of your symptoms are coming from rebound and inter-dose withdrawal and you'd be more comfortable taking a small dose every few hours and gradually tapering off each dose. 

 

You likely are also suffering from your AD withdrawal from last year, so you may want to stabilize on the  Oxazepam and hold for a few weeks (or even months) before making any reductions. 

 

Please post your thoughts on this and we can help you set up a schedule. The first thing you'll need to decide is how much Oxazepam you want to take each day and then we can work on a schedule to divide that dose up to take every few hours. 

 

Are you currently taking any supplements? 

[wildling]

On 1/20/2019 at 5:52 AM, India said:

You are not  crazy.. I lost my memory too. It was all related to withdrawal symptoms . There are 1000s of ppl with exactly the same pattern of symptoms. It helped me when I was told I was not crazy but this was withdrawal. The greatest scandal in all this is that patients are being told it's them and not the meds!!

 

Thank you for your encouragement! I feel nuts and never felt this way in my life with the exinstential panic and rumination and dp/dr (even in times with high anxiety)... And the thought that "I'm causing this to myself" was really hard to accept. 

[wildling]

On 1/20/2019 at 4:11 PM, Shep said:

 

It's very hard to taper off periodic use. You may want to pick a dose that you take every day, stabilize on it, and then taper off it slowly. 

 

 Oxazepam has a 4 - 15 hour half life, depending on how quickly you are metabolizing it, so you're going into withdrawal when you skip days. Ideally, you'd want to take a small amount every few hours to keep from going into inter-dose withdrawal (withdrawal in between doses) throughout the day.

 

Likely some of your symptoms are coming from rebound and inter-dose withdrawal and you'd be more comfortable taking a small dose every few hours and gradually tapering off each dose. 

 

You likely are also suffering from your AD withdrawal from last year, so you may want to stabilize on the  Oxazepam and hold for a few weeks (or even months) before making any reductions. 

 

Please post your thoughts on this and we can help you set up a schedule. The first thing you'll need to decide is how much Oxazepam you want to take each day and then we can work on a schedule to divide that dose up to take every few hours. 

 

Are you currently taking any supplements? 

Hello, and thank you for your reply. 

So it's not too late to stabilize? I have been afraid I'm too deep into tapering and should just "try to make it", but since the symptoms are so crazy, I'm willing to try anything. 

How does this stabilizing work? Do brains get used to the small dose quickly? Is 1/4 - 1/2 tablet per day too little dose or will my brain demand more soon? How can I make it an even dose, they don't sell liquid form from that medicine?

Sorry about the amount of questions, I'm just really scared that this isn't going to work or that I will make things even worse... And imagine that the doctors questioned that my small doses would effect me in any way... "It's going to be easy to taper."
Thank you in advantage!

[wildling]

On 1/20/2019 at 4:11 PM, Shep said:

 

It's very hard to taper off periodic use. You may want to pick a dose that you take every day, stabilize on it, and then taper off it slowly. 

 

 Oxazepam has a 4 - 15 hour half life, depending on how quickly you are metabolizing it, so you're going into withdrawal when you skip days. Ideally, you'd want to take a small amount every few hours to keep from going into inter-dose withdrawal (withdrawal in between doses) throughout the day.

 

Likely some of your symptoms are coming from rebound and inter-dose withdrawal and you'd be more comfortable taking a small dose every few hours and gradually tapering off each dose. 

 

You likely are also suffering from your AD withdrawal from last year, so you may want to stabilize on the  Oxazepam and hold for a few weeks (or even months) before making any reductions. 

 

Please post your thoughts on this and we can help you set up a schedule. The first thing you'll need to decide is how much Oxazepam you want to take each day and then we can work on a schedule to divide that dose up to take every few hours. 

 

Are you currently taking any supplements? 

Oh and I'm taking magnesium and zinc nightly, and also herbs for a parasite cleanse. 

[wildling]

I was also recommended glutamine, because I have a leaky gut (because of the parasites), has anyone taken it during recovery? I took it for few weeks and now haven't and was wondering if it is okay to continue. It was prescribed by a doctor who treates my gut. She also prescribed probiotics but I have learned that they make my OCD, rumination and panic even worse so I'm not currently taking them. 

[pinkfairy]

Hi & welcome 

I am so sorry your here & suffering.

 

But listen to the moderators & you will be ok.

 

You aren’t crazy or insane the withdrawal makes you think it.

 

your English is beautiful 

better than mine.

 

Your going to be ok.♥️

Take care of yourself well 

pink xxxx

[Shep]

10 minutes ago, wildling said:

So it's not too late to stabilize? I have been afraid I'm too deep into tapering and should just "try to make it", but since the symptoms are so crazy, I'm willing to try anything. 

 

You may not completely stabilize to the point of feeling "normal", so to speak. 

 

However, if you can get to a point of what is called Withdrawal Normal (WD), you'll be in a much better position to taper. This is Brassmonkey's explanation of WD:

 

Brassmonkey - Withdrawal Normal

 

13 minutes ago, wildling said:

How does this stabilizing work? Do brains get used to the small dose quickly? Is 1/4 - 1/2 tablet per day too little dose or will my brain demand more soon? How can I make it an even dose, they don't sell liquid form from that medicine?

 

You can use a scale or liquid. I'll post the links to each method, along with a video tutorial. Please don't worry about the math - we can help you with that here on the forum. 

 

For using a scale, please see:

 

Using a digital scale to measure doses

 

Scale Use video (6.5 minutes)

 

For a liquid taper, please see: 

 

How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules

 

Use water to taper your benzo! video (4.5 minutes)

 

If you do switch to a liquid taper, please note it's best to do so gradually. You'll want to take a portion of your dose in tablet and a portion in liquid and gradually switch over. A common method is to do 75% tablet and 25% liquid for several days, then 50 / 50, then 25% tablet and 75% liquid and finally, you'll be at 100% liquid. Again, don't worry about the math. We'll walk you through that as you go. 

 

This gradual method gives your nervous system time to adjust to the new format. 

 

9 minutes ago, wildling said:

I was also recommended glutamine, because I have a leaky gut (because of the parasites), has anyone taken it during recovery? I took it for few weeks and now haven't and was wondering if it is okay to continue. It was prescribed by a doctor who treates my gut. She also prescribed probiotics but I have learned that they make my OCD, rumination and panic even worse so I'm not currently taking them. 

 

I'm not familiar with glutamine, and I don't see a thread on this particular supplement, but please research it using the Search feature or google surviving antidepressants + glutamine. 

 

Here are some threads that discuss leaky gut and other GI issues:

 

Probiotics and gut health

 

Digestive problems: nausea, diarrhoea, bloating, GERD

 

You may also want to check out the website Beyond Meds, as the author is also a survivor of these drugs and has a great archive for diet issues during and after withdrawing from psych drugs. 

 

Beyond Meds - Gut Health - Archives

 

[wildling]

13 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Hi & welcome 

I am so sorry your here & suffering.

 

But listen to the moderators & you will be ok.

 

You aren’t crazy or insane the withdrawal makes you think it.

 

your English is beautiful 

better than mine.

 

Your going to be ok.♥️

Take care of yourself well 

pink xxxx

Thank you for making my day a whole lot better, such beautiful words ❤️ hope you have a nice day youself! 

[wildling]

Shep thank you again! Your support means a lot! 💜

I just discovered that oxazepam isn't water soluble or doesn't resolve well. Is the other option crushing the tablet, since the my doses are so small that it's nearly impossible to get a 1/8 piece from the tablet? I'm thinking about starting from 1/4 a tablet taken 2 times a day, so it is 7,5 mg / day and then after a while slowly tapering that. 

[pinkfairy]

12 minutes ago, wildling said:

Thank you for making my day a whole lot better, such beautiful words ❤️ hope you have a nice day youself! 

Your very welcome 🙏🏻 

 

[Shep]

3 minutes ago, wildling said:

I just discovered that oxazepam isn't water soluble or doesn't resolve well.

 

Yes, this is true of a lot of benzos. Please see this post: 

 

Benzo Tapering Nuggets - post on various benzos and liquids

 

You could dissolve the oxazepam in propylene glycol, however, as that post mentions,  many people are able to simply use water for any of these drugs. As long as you're consistent with your method, you'll be fine. 

 

This is also explained here in the video on how to do a liquid benzo taper: 

 

Use water to taper your benzo! video (4.5 minutes)

 

10 minutes ago, wildling said:

Is the other option crushing the tablet, since the my doses are so small that it's nearly impossible to get a 1/8 piece from the tablet?

 

You would crush the tablet and then weigh it. So you wouldn't need to get 1/8 of a piece - you would use the scale to get to your desired dose weight. Please see the link and video in my previous post, as they will walk you through the process. 

 

Compounding is another option:

 

Getting custom dosages at compounding pharmacies (US, UK, and elsewhere)

 

11 minutes ago, wildling said:

I'm thinking about starting from 1/4 a tablet taken 2 times a day, so it is 7,5 mg / day and then after a while slowly tapering that. 

 

If dosing twice a day is enough to help with interdose withdrawal, this sounds like an excellent idea. 

 

Here's some tips of using a pill cutter:

 

How to cut up tablets or pills (using a pill cutter)

 

For best results, take the dose at the same times of the day every day. This is the best way to reach stability and set you up for a better outcome when the time comes to taper off. 

 

Please let us know how you do. 

[wildling]

Hello lovely people,

it's been almost a week since I re-introduced oxazepam 3,75 mg / day. I've been more active in regards of getting out of the house and getting stuff done (don't have those horrible panicky terrors when I'm out of the house) which is quite nice, but feelings of dissociation from the world, people and myself have been worse. And I still have bouts of high anxiety with the existential intrusive thoughts and they are really hard to fight off sometimes. 

I guess this is a long road and I shouldn't even be expecting to feel normal any time soon. Do you have advice on how will I know when to start tapering again? 

And I have a question especially for ladies: have you noticed that your WD symptoms get worse during periods? I just had mine and the detached feeling was 100% worse during. I'm not using any birth control meds. 
 

[Shep]

8 minutes ago, wildling said:

Do you have advice on how will I know when to start tapering again? 

 

This is a great post that describes the concept of "withdrawal normal" and when to continue your taper:

 

WDNormal

 

9 minutes ago, wildling said:

And I have a question especially for ladies: have you noticed that your WD symptoms get worse during periods? I just had mine and the detached feeling was 100% worse during. I'm not using any birth control meds. 

 

Yes, this is very common. Please see:

 

PMS and menstrual cycle issues during withdrawal

 

[wildling]

Thank you for your reply. I feel like I might be asking the same questions over and over again, sorry about that! 
Thinking isn't very clear right now and sometimesI miss a lot of information when reading a long text.. 😅

[Carmie]

Hi wilding, 

 

Glad to hear that you’ve been able to get out and about more. My periods are long over, but lots of women get ramped up withdrawals during their cycle. Anything that causes stress to the body, physical, emotional or mental can ramp up symptoms. Even good stress can ramp up symptoms. 

 

I’m glad the reinstatement has helped you, sending hugs 🤗

[wildling]

On 2/1/2019 at 12:52 PM, Carmie said:

Hi wilding, 

 

Glad to hear that you’ve been able to get out and about more. My periods are long over, but lots of women get ramped up withdrawals during their cycle. Anything that causes stress to the body, physical, emotional or mental can ramp up symptoms. Even good stress can ramp up symptoms. 

 

I’m glad the reinstatement has helped you, sending hugs 🤗

 

 

Hello, and thanks for taking time to read! sending big hugs back! 🌻

[wildling]

Hi,

 

just a quick update. It feels as if my body got used to the benzo dose I reistated very quickly, since all the symptoms are very hard to handle:

(here's a list just for myself to keep track)

- weird pressure feeling in front of my brain: (like someone put numbing creme there), also my head feels like I've just hit it somewhere

- pressure and pain in my neck and jaw

- incredibly restless and anxious feeling in the gut(this feels super connected to that head pressure feeling)

- dp/dr still very bad

- memory and cognitive problems, sensitivity to light and sounds

- I feel poisoned

- impending doom, severe fears, fear of dying or losing it

- thirst

- immense fatigue

 

 

I just feel very hopeless since none of my usual coping mechanisms aren't working and every minute is a struggle. I wish I had never touched these medications in the first place.. 

[wildling]

oh and also bad muscle tightness, loss of balance, lightheadedness and tinnitus/full feeling in ears and sinuses.

I've always had very low bloodpressure and with benzos it is really low (almost black out when standing up), so that might explain the dizziness and fatigue. I also get these surges of adrenalin which cause tachycardia and panic, usually during sleep so I wake up heart pounding and feeling like dying.

 

Recently started to chrochet and knit in order to keep my mind of of existential rumination. I also noticed that showering triggers worsening in symptoms, so that is why I'm smelly most of the time... 🙈🙈

[Shep]

Wildling, which herbs are you taking for the parasite and colon cleanse?

 

Please list them in your signature:

 

Account - Settings - Create or Edit Your Signature

[wildling]

On 2/7/2019 at 1:50 PM, Shep said:

Wildling, which herbs are you taking for the parasite and colon cleanse?

 

Please list them in your signature:

 

Account - Settings - Create or Edit Your Signature

 

Hi Shep,

 

I listed the ones I take now, but they change all the time as my naturopath treats different worms and parasites with different compounds. Next up, when I feel a bit steadier, I will start Cats Claw and Black Wallnut tinctures alongside with lemon, baking powder and Stevia. 

I might not be able to take Cats claw as it dropped my blood pressure last time so low.. 

 

I have been passing long rope worms with mimosa pudica and cranberry herbal supplements.

 

I think I had my first window? Don't know, but actually felt quite calm and even experienced a glimmer of hope this friday and saturday and wasn't such an anxious mess. Today however it has been intensive with the intrusive thoughts, anxiety, existential rumination and dissociation again..

 

best regards

[Shep]

Thanks, Wildling. 

 

I' not familiar with these. Please use the search feature or google "surviving antidepressants" + [name of herb]" and you may find more information, if you have any concerns that they may affect you adversely during withdrawal. Anything that affects serotonin and GABA may cause problems due to your history of antidepressants and benzo. 

 

It sounds like you are benefiting from the herbs, but please do research. When you have questions about your taper, please let us know which herbs you are currently on so we don't conflate a possible side effect of an herb with drug withdrawal.

 

I'm glad you had a window. 

[wildling]

On 2/11/2019 at 12:11 PM, Shep said:

Thanks, Wildling. 

 

I' not familiar with these. Please use the search feature or google "surviving antidepressants" + [name of herb]" and you may find more information, if you have any concerns that they may affect you adversely during withdrawal. Anything that affects serotonin and GABA may cause problems due to your history of antidepressants and benzo. 

 

It sounds like you are benefiting from the herbs, but please do research. When you have questions about your taper, please let us know which herbs you are currently on so we don't conflate a possible side effect of an herb with drug withdrawal.

 

I'm glad you had a window. 

Thanks again, Shep. I read your story and understood you've had dp/dr also possibly from the drugs? I'm sorry to hear. This has been by far the worst symptom I've experienced in my life, and I've had a thing or two. How do you cope with these feelings? 
I've had DR for over a year now and now notice it is staying on the background if I don't focus on it too much, but the DP is getting worse and worse to the point where every time I speak and hear my voice it sounds so unfamiliar and same happens when I see my reflection in the mirror.. It's so freaking scary and causes so much anxiety. It's a newer addition, I only started having these episodes last summer when I tapered off of Brintellix. 
The intrusive existential and harm thoughts aren't making it any easier. "The real me" is somewhere there deep in the core that knows that this is all in my head, but I'm just so scared I'm going to lose it one day when the "real me" just suddenly disappears.. No amount of meditation or breathing exercises help when this is on. 

I think the effects of reinstating oxazepam have been wearing off. Also have really bad feeling in my gut all the time, that type of agitated tension (like the one you experience after receiving bad news or being scared) and my sweat smells extra extra bad. I have nightmares, the types that haven't had in years where I wake up feeling super fearful or sad. I was diagnosed with mold illness, chemical and food sensitivities and parasites last year, sometimes I'm so lost on what causes what.  I'm so frustrated as this situation, it doesn't seem to go anywhere no matter how much I try and it's just purely hopeless to see any kind of future for myself and I just turned 30. My friends are having babies and homes and careers and doing what they dream, and I've been in this never ending spiral with both physical and mental health for most of my youth.

Sorry about this rant...! I don't have anyone to talk to who understands this hell on earth. I'm starting therapy again next monday, and this therapist knows well how to treat trauma and ptsd, which I suspect at this point to be the deepest reason for all of my illness and mental stuff that put me on this medication in the first place. Plus all the trauma from the countless doctors visits, tests, "feeling like dying all the time and not knowing what's wrong". 

I don't take any herbs at the moment except digest stimulator for the constipation to keep bowels moving and magnesium 2 times a day and zinc nightly. I'm thinking about starting the taper really slowly. Currently take 1,88 mg two times a day (3,75 mg divided in half, but I do it by hand and it's not even every time, since I don't have a better way of doing it since the pill is so small at that point). By the way, is there difference between oxazepam and other benzos other than the time it takes that they are out of the body? Is oxazepam "milder" as the doctors say?

Hope I didn't overwhelm anyone. I'm ever grateful of this site and the support it offers! Much love 🌻🙏✨

[Shep]

2 hours ago, wildling said:

Thanks again, Shep. I read your story and understood you've had dp/dr also possibly from the drugs? I'm sorry to hear. This has been by far the worst symptom I've experienced in my life, and I've had a thing or two. How do you cope with these feelings? 

 

I have a toolkit I put together with all sorts of ways I distracted and coped to get through dp/dr:

 

Shep's toolkit of non-drug coping techniques

 

 

2 hours ago, wildling said:

I'm thinking about starting the taper really slowly. Currently take 1,88 mg two times a day (3,75 mg divided in half, but I do it by hand and it's not even every time, since I don't have a better way of doing it since the pill is so small at that point). By the way, is there difference between oxazepam and other benzos other than the time it takes that they are out of the body? Is oxazepam "milder" as the doctors say?

 

Now that you are ready to taper the oxazepam, let's get you over on the members-only benzo forum. 

 

Please start a new thread for yourself here:

 

Benzo tapering and recovery

 

Just provide a very brief overview of your story and we'll set you up a game plan for you over in that forum.

 

To answer your question, oxazepam can be considered more of a "milder" benzo because has a moderate anxiolytic effect compared to some other benzos. However, if your nervous system has been destabilized already, you may react to it differently.  And Oxazepam has a half-life of 4 - 15 hours, so it really depends on how quickly you are metabolizing it. 

 

Once you have your benzo forum thread set up, we'll go over the options for tapering, such as using a scale or using liquid. If you already have a preference, please let me know. 

 

[wildling]

On 2/20/2019 at 2:05 PM, Shep said:

 

I have a toolkit I put together with all sorts of ways I distracted and coped to get through dp/dr:

 

Shep's toolkit of non-drug coping techniques

 

 

 

Now that you are ready to taper the oxazepam, let's get you over on the members-only benzo forum. 

 

Please start a new thread for yourself here:

 

Benzo tapering and recovery

 

Just provide a very brief overview of your story and we'll set you up a game plan for you over in that forum.

 

To answer your question, oxazepam can be considered more of a "milder" benzo because has a moderate anxiolytic effect compared to some other benzos. However, if your nervous system has been destabilized already, you may react to it differently.  And Oxazepam has a half-life of 4 - 15 hours, so it really depends on how quickly you are metabolizing it. 

 

Once you have your benzo forum thread set up, we'll go over the options for tapering, such as using a scale or using liquid. If you already have a preference, please let me know. 

 

 

Hi,

I'm having second thoughts about starting taper cause I still have some questions I need to figure out.. should I still start a thread in the benzo forum? To ask there what's puzzling me about taper and benzos? 

I have a preference of using liquid, but that is my main issue I can't really figure out. And also the timing, because I've recently started to feel worse even after reinstating the oxazepam 2,5 months ago. 

[Shep]

4 hours ago, wildling said:

I'm having second thoughts about starting taper cause I still have some questions I need to figure out.. should I still start a thread in the benzo forum? To ask there what's puzzling me about taper and benzos? 

 

Yes, please start a thread for yourself in the benzo area and post your questions. 

 

Benzo tapering and recovery

 

That's the place for benzo questions. 

 

4 hours ago, wildling said:

I have a preference of using liquid, but that is my main issue I can't really figure out. And also the timing, because I've recently started to feel worse even after reinstating the oxazepam 2,5 months ago. 

 

You may want to hold longer and stabilize more, but feel free to go ahead and start your benzo thread so we can discuss the different tapering options and you can decide what is best for you. The liquid method is a great method. 

 

There may also be some ways of making you more comfortable by seeing if some of your symptoms are interdose withdrawal and if you would benefit from spacing your doses out, if you're not already doing so. 

 

Question - have you healed from the parasite and mold issues or do you feel you're still getting some symptoms from that in addition to antidepressant and benzo withdrawal? 

[wildling]

23 hours ago, Shep said:

 

Yes, please start a thread for yourself in the benzo area and post your questions. 

 

Benzo tapering and recovery

 

That's the place for benzo questions. 

 

 

You may want to hold longer and stabilize more, but feel free to go ahead and start your benzo thread so we can discuss the different tapering options and you can decide what is best for you. The liquid method is a great method. 

 

There may also be some ways of making you more comfortable by seeing if some of your symptoms are interdose withdrawal and if you would benefit from spacing your doses out, if you're not already doing so. 

 

Question - have you healed from the parasite and mold issues or do you feel you're still getting some symptoms from that in addition to antidepressant and benzo withdrawal? 

Thanks, I will start the thread there. 

My situation indeed has been a bit challenging, because it's hard to tell which symptoms are from what (mold, parasites, WD or PTSD). 
I'm happy that my half year long mold detox has worked and I do not have mold in my body anymore and I've also successfully treated many different parasite infections: however I still battle with amoebiasis and flatworms which together with the mold poisoning caused me very low blood ferritin (that can also cause a wide range of symptoms (including brain fog, confusion, anxiety, fatigue etc...)). I need to get these bugs out of me so I can start to heal my iron reserves and leaky gut. 

The timing of the symptoms however go well with the timeline of my SSRI -medication taper last year. Especially the horrid OCD, intrusive thoughts, depersonalization and dread started and worsened after the taper. But of course, at this time I was also having bad gut inflammation from the parasites and mold poisoning. I've read that especially mold and other biotoxins can mimic a lot of mental symptoms and disorders because they cause brain inflammation. 

I'm taking benzo small amount 3 times a day, I would take maybe even more but can't get the pill any smaller. 

 

[India]

I know that existential despair well! Only those that have traversed the terror know. Sadly, I am back in DR and Cognitive slowing. 

On 2/6/2019 at 5:16 PM, wildling said:

unds

- I feel poisoned

- impending doom, severe fears, fear of dying or losing it

- thirst

- immense fatigue

 

 

I just feel very hopeless since none of my usual coping mechanisms aren't working and every minute is a struggle. I wish I had never touched these medications in the first place.. 

We have very similar symptoms . I did get a window in which I would say I was 40% my previous “self”. We can only share the burden of these intolerable symptoms and hope for respite and healing. 

[wildling]

55 minutes ago, India said:

I know that existential despair well! Only those that have traversed the terror know. Sadly, I am back in DR and Cognitive slowing. 

We have very similar symptoms . I did get a window in which I would say I was 40% my previous “self”. We can only share the burden of these intolerable symptoms and hope for respite and healing. 

 

I'm so sorry to hear. This is another level of suffering that I didn't know could exist. It's very painful when life and everything about it feels so terrifying all the time, because that is the one thing you could rely on before the meds: no matter how bad the anxiety was there was always a relief at some point and you could still find comfort even the smallest of things like warm shower or a nap. Now it is just a constant struggle every minute to try and stay sane 😥 I just hope we find healing. It's so sad tothink that the rest of life would be like this.

[getofflex]

Hello Wilding, I'm sorry you are having to go through so much pain and suffering.  I want to encourage you to hang in there and don't give up.  You will make it!  It can be done, even though it takes a great deal of patience and time, and is not easy.  I'm new here, too.  I'm wearing off Lexapro. I had no idea what I was in for.  I thought I could just taper off these drugs in a few weeks or a couple of months and be fine.  Was I ever wrong.  I've been tapering off for 18 months, and as I get to a very small dose, I still need to be very very careful.  The windows and waves concept really helped me.  I was freaking out before knowing about windows and waves, wondering why I could feel so good one day, and the next day feel awful, even though I hadn't had a dose change in two weeks.  Now, I can accept the highs and lows because I know this is normal of AD WD.  Keep us posted.

[India]

5 hours ago, wildling said:

 

I'm so sorry to hear. This is another level of suffering that I didn't know could exist. It's very painful when life and everything about it feels so terrifying all the time, because that is the one thing you could rely on before the meds: no matter how bad the anxiety was there was always a relief at some point and you could still find comfort even the smallest of things like warm shower or a nap. Now it is just a constant struggle every minute to try and stay sane 😥 I just hope we find healing. It's so sad tothink that the rest of life would be like this.

"I miss me and I want me back"- amen. I say this all the time. I woke up at 3am crying for this reason. "A level of suffering I didn't know could exist", it truly is. How do we survive? How do we survive hour to hour? We must be like samurai warriors? I have lost my abilties to read and process again but I've been getting bits of your thread. I was put on the drugs for trauma also. Do you experience a kind of disorienation of memory, linked to emotion? I've noticed that my flashbacks have changed. Very hard to explain. I have given up trying to talk to people in the 'real world' about it. I used to converse with someone called butterflyhope, overnight she switched from liquid to tablets and regained her sanity and left the board, presumably to a restored life. Her situation was different, I left it too long it seemed but I started fantasising about the idea that taking a tablet would save me (I'm on the liquid). I'm too scared to try it. I've stuck at 6mg and not stabilised.

 

I will keep reading your threads. Hope you will recover from your nightmare soon.