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Priscilla

Priscilla: questions about Zyprexa

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hayduke

It's a pig of a thing for sure.  I know on the odd day I skipped a tablet I felt quite spacy and knew that feeling would increase if I didn't pick it up again the next day.  Tapering mitigates that.

 

From your sig it looks like it's been 3 1/2 months since you quit, so I'm not sure whether you want to dance with that devil again.  I'd defer to others' experience to be confident about suggesting it.  But for me, if I really wasn't coping and life was going to get worse I'd probably try it with the minimum reinstatement I could get away with to ease the symptoms, stabilise and taper at leisure.  Something like 0.25 or 0.5mg and adjust till things are manageable, address anything you need to in your life (a bit like gardening :-) ), then plan a more comfortable taper back down to zero.

 

If I was in a position where I could just wait it out without life getting a lot harder in the meantime, I'd consider just sticking with the CT, too.

 

I'm having thoughts like - no one ought to be able to prescribe this drug without having taken it for 6 months first

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Priscilla

I'm having a bad day today. I wonder why? Is this normal? The past 2 days were good for me and then all of a sudden today things are not so good. Help please.

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hayduke

Hi Priscilla.

 

Yes, the ups and downs seem to be the norm - I don't think any of us here get away without some of this.

 

Lots of info about that here, including non-drug options to help relieve it.  (Partly why I'm off to yoga this arvo).

 

 

Hope you're feeling better again soon.

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Priscilla

Thanks, I'll look into this.

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Priscilla

Once again I'm listening to Laura Delano trying to gain inspiration 

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hayduke

It's always good to hear from others on the same road.  Claire Weekes has done a few good recordings too, have you found any of those?

 

When things are really sucking I like to chat to close friends for a bit and just make myself as comfortable as I can.  Silly videos, walks in nature, staying in bed till midday if I can...whatever helps me feel ok.  Always good to bed down the pattern of looking after yourself as best you can 🙂

 

I see you've been taking Lion's Mane as well from your sig.  I have some in the cupboard, tried a few times but the taste is pretty unpleasant.  I thought I might wait till after I've finished tapering to try it again.  How are you finding it?

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Priscilla
12 hours ago, hayduke said:

It's always good to hear from others on the same road.  Claire Weekes has done a few good recordings too, have you found any of those?

 

When things are really sucking I like to chat to close friends for a bit and just make myself as comfortable as I can.  Silly videos, walks in nature, staying in bed till midday if I can...whatever helps me feel ok.  Always good to bed down the pattern of looking after yourself as best you can 🙂

 

I see you've been taking Lion's Mane as well from your sig.  I have some in the cupboard, tried a few times but the taste is pretty unpleasant.  I thought I might wait till after I've finished tapering to try it again.  How are you finding it?

Hi Hayduke. 

 

To be honest it's hard to tell how it's working. I can say this, I have had some good days lately. I don't know if it is because of time being the ultimate healer, the combination of supplements that I'm taking, or one individual supplement. I guess that's the downside to taking so many supplements at the same time, it's hard to pinpoint what's working. 

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Priscilla

Has anyone experienced not knowing if they are doing good or bad? I think this may be a result of not feeling well for so long that it is hard to recognize when you are actually doing well. Sound familiar to anyone?

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Priscilla

How long does it take for the supplements like fish oil and magnesium to start working?

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hayduke
On 4/7/2019 at 6:06 AM, Priscilla said:

Hi Hayduke. 

 

To be honest it's hard to tell how it's working. I can say this, I have had some good days lately. I don't know if it is because of time being the ultimate healer, the combination of supplements that I'm taking, or one individual supplement. I guess that's the downside to taking so many supplements at the same time, it's hard to pinpoint what's working. 

 

I hear you.  I'd been collecting supplements for quite a while and seem to have found a pretty good set just from listening to my body.

 

Something among them lately is setting off akathisia for me since the latest round of tapering so I'll just have to try to cut them out one at a time and see.

 

If lion's mane is as helpful as what I've read about it it's probably a very sensible thing for you at this stage.  Thinking particularly helping with neuroplasticity while your brain rebalances, and if it helps with myelin formation that's likely to be helpful too.

 

Since I'm still tapering the advice generally seems to be to keep supplements to a minimum, though a careful set is certainly helping.

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hayduke
On 4/7/2019 at 12:14 PM, Priscilla said:

Has anyone experienced not knowing if they are doing good or bad? I think this may be a result of not feeling well for so long that it is hard to recognize when you are actually doing well. Sound familiar to anyone?

 

When I'm cutting, I rarely actually feel good.  I'm generally content to settle for tolerable, holding down my job, socialising when I have the energy, and not having unnecessary problems arise in my life for those patches.  After cutting from 2.5mg down to 2.1 gradually over a couple of months, I've been holding for about 10 days now.  Had a couple of good days since the hold and happy for those.  Going to keep holding during this round of therapy (addressing trauma with EMDR and clinical psychologist) since there's already enough going on with that...and my body was telling me the hold was due.

 

I reckon you'll know a good day when it comes 🙂

 

I try to be stoic in the rougher patches and just put one foot in front of the other.  Eventually the sun comes out for a bit.  And it'll come back again after that.  There's no escaping the odd bad day (true for any being on this planet, "healthy" or not) - commiserating with besties helps most for me then - and if the day's just ok or even just not awful, it's still progress.

 

On 4/7/2019 at 2:34 PM, Priscilla said:

How long does it take for the supplements like fish oil and magnesium to start working?

 

Can't speak to the fish oil but I generally feel a lot better right after an epsom salt bath which is a great way to get magnesium.  Also seen on here some people prefer magnesium chloride baths which I'm yet to try.

 

Cheers

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Priscilla

Update: Today was a good day until the evening hit. Now I'm not feeling that great but I guess it's a wave. Can't believe that it's taking this long for me to stabilize after only about 2 months total on various antipsychotics/antidepressants. Just read about a girl who was on zyprexa for 5 months and started feeling like herself after 2 weeks. First Laura Delano now her. I guess I'm a classic example of people healing differently. I just hope that I continue to have days like today minus the evening.

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Dream22
On 4/11/2019 at 4:13 AM, Priscilla said:

Update: Today was a good day until the evening hit. Now I'm not feeling that great but I guess it's a wave. Can't believe that it's taking this long for me to stabilize after only about 2 months total on various antipsychotics/antidepressants. Just read about a girl who was on zyprexa for 5 months and started feeling like herself after 2 weeks. First Laura Delano now her. I guess I'm a classic example of people healing differently. I just hope that I continue to have days like today minus the evening.

Hi dont worry these meds change your brain chemistry and it can take a while to feel like yourself again. Try drinking lemon, honey and hot water in the mornings to help your liver detox. I read online that olamzapine can get stored in the fat cells sometimes which means even though youve stopped the meds they may be a bit of time till they are totally out of your system. Try exercise or walking out in nature. Please also try cutting any refined sugars, drinks and processed foods. I read the gut heavily influences the brain. As olamzapine depletes the body of vitamins, nutriets the gut environment can become damaged. If you heal your gut it can help heal your brain. Theres a good book called 'The Ultra mind solution' i got mine for a few pounds off amazon. Stay hopeful and positive as you were on the meds a short time. You will heal. Everyones journey is different ♡

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Priscilla

Daily update: I've been feeling kind of okay today I don't know if this means I'm improving or what. I even went outside today. I hope this continues, I guess what I read about recovery taking time is true. There were moments where I was not feeling too well. Is that normal in recovery (feeling good parts of the day and other parts not feeling so good)? Is what I'm experiencing (part of the day I feel good other parts not so good) windows and waves?

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hayduke

Good to hear you're having some better days! 

 

For sure you can have ups and downs in the same day.  Managing your energy helps, noticing when you're tired, hungry, thirsty, dealing with people who you can't relax around much...sometimes I can't avoid an arvo full of meetings at work and that can be very draining.  I try and have some fruit or nuts or something handy to help survive getting home around peak hour.

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Priscilla

Wow you work! That's great. I was working last year and would like to get back to work when I am well enough.

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Priscilla

Update: I'm not feeling that great but I'm starting to think that how I'm feeling is psychological. I think that if I didn't know that I took zyprexa I would be fine but because I'm aware I took it, I'm making myself sick. Just a theory. Hope to be well soon but I also have to remember the experts say that it may take a long time so I need to be patient and allow the process to occur. 

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hayduke

Hey Priscilla,

 

Sounds like Claire Weekes' stuff might be helpful, have a look at

Being able to not worry too much about not feeling too great is a useful thing.

 

Re work, I eventually found a 3 days/wk job that suits my skills.  It's a reasonable balance of time, energy and income.  I was pretty firm about retaining my independence after my break - moved to another city for a year, lived with friends and found a job after a few months.  Then a string of better ones.  The main challenges I've found are fatigue (probably mostly from the olanzapine) and having to act professionally when I am having a hard day, but for the most part it's tolerable.

 

Cheers

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Priscilla

Question about windows and waves: The past 2 days I did not have a good day, but today I feel fine (so far). Is this sort of window and wave pattern normal?

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hayduke

Sure, I'd expect quite a bit of that in this process.  So much of it is just coping and learning to manage it better till things improve.

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Priscilla

Thanks Hayduke as always I appreciate your commenting on my posts. What's your story? Have you healed? Do/did you go through windows and waves?

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hayduke

Cheers Priscilla, yes this road is much better with company!  It's hardly your typical party conversation topic, so it's great to have a place to compare notes with people who understand the terrain.

 

I have an intro thread here you can look at. 

My healing is a work in progress.  I think it'll be another year or two before I reach 0.00mg. 

 

Lately I've been working with my psychologist (who I found myself and appreciate) on the trauma that led to being prescribed this drug by the shrink long ago.  This work's gone very well and I've finally found out this week what messed me up when I was small.  Kind of like finding a splinter - you know it's there somewhere but not exactly where or what it looks like.  Everything's kind of falling into place for me after that.  I'm confident now that's all unearthed and being released that I should be able to do well without the drugs after a gentle taper down.

 

And yes, some days are good, others rather wretched.  I expect the latter after cutting, it always takes a while to even out.  After 2-3 weeks of holding things seem much sunnier.  Your CT is kind of one big cut in one go, so your nervous system has more 'distance' to cover to rebalance...but in time it ought to.

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Priscilla

Update: These windows and waves are no joke. I started off today feeling good, then midday started feeling down, later on felt good, now I'm feeling slightly down again. I hope this means I'm healing. It's hard to adjust to this yo-yoing of emotions. Thanks for reading,

 

Priscilla 

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Carmie

Hi Priscilla, 

 

Yes, the windows and waves are certainly a roller coaster ride.🎢🎢🎢 Up, down, up down. We never know how we will be from one second to the next. Our poor little brains are working hard to reach equilibrium. We will get there eventually!

 

Take care💚

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Priscilla
2 hours ago, Carmie said:

Hi Priscilla, 

 

Yes, the windows and waves are certainly a roller coaster ride.🎢🎢🎢 Up, down, up down. We never know how we will be from one second to the next. Our poor little brains are working hard to reach equilibrium. We will get there eventually!

 

Take care💚

Thanks Carmie. I sure hope I will get better. I'm trying my darnest to remain hopeful. I know how powerful the mind is and get worried sometimes because often I don't think I will heal and I don't want that to be a self fulfilling prophecy. It's just so strange, I'm not used to being unwell for more than 2 weeks, let alone 5 months. It's for this reason that I often find myself doubting that I will ever heal. It's weird because there are other times where I wonder if my symptoms are all in my mind and that what I'm experiencing is actually shock/trauma from having been forcefully medicated. I try to relish in the good moments where I'm feeling somewhat functional. That's just hard to do sometimes because ten minutes or an hour after feeling fine, I could be back to feeling bad (it doesnt help that i cant even describe what im going through). Other times I wonder if my large gut could be contributing to what I'm experiencing with all this brain gut talk. If only I was motivated to work out and lose my belly fat (sorry for the extra info on my fat body parts). Thanks for responding.

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Priscilla

Update: There was a time when I was thinking about going back to school to finish up my last year of college and eventually work. I'm trying to gain inspiration and strength from that memory where I was hopeful for my healing. Why did I think it was possible if it really wasn't? There must have been a reason for my thinking. Positivity begets positivity. 

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Priscilla

Update: Same window/wave pattern today. I'm currently in a window but I'm not sure how long this will last. Not being able to describe what I'm going through is one of the reasons why I don't think I am going to get better. It's as if I'm going through something that doesn't have a name and I am the only one who has ever experienced it therefore it must be permanent. I don't know, what I'm experiencing just feels permanent, I don't think I will get better. Hopefully my intuition proves to be wrong this time. I sometimes wonder if I have been getting better all along but don''t realize it because I'm not 100% healed and as long as there are problems all I see are the problems. If I get better it will be such a shock to my system because I'm not expecting it. Thanks for reading. 

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Priscilla

Double update: When I'm in a wave it feels like I've always been in a wave. I try to remember that the waves are not permanent to help me cope.

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Carmie
On 4/22/2019 at 10:22 AM, Priscilla said:

Double update: When I'm in a wave it feels like I've always been in a wave. I try to remember that the waves are not permanent to help me cope.

 

Yes, it can certainly feel that way when we’ve been in a wave for a long time Priscilla. I’ve had waves that have gone on for months, I felt they were never going to end, but they always did. I know they always do, that’s what keeps me going too. 

 

Here’s to just taking each hour as it comes, and each minute if need be. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

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Priscilla

Update: I've lost hope that I'm going to get better. But then again, I have only been off for 5 months and this website does day that healing is measured in years. Does this mean that there is hope that I may heal? 

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hayduke

Hey Priscilla,

 

I know you weren't on it for very long, but yes, years is a realistic time frame.

 

I got from 10mg to 5mg within a year.

 

Then 5 to 2.5mg within another year.

 

Now I'm looking for zero over the next year or two, from 2.5mg.

 

And even that's quite difficult for many of those days over that slow taper.  So when you look at what your CT is asking your body to do, it's a long journey.

 

If you are really finding things awful day after day after day, it might be worth considering reinstatement of a very small amount.  If that takes the "edge" off things you can then plan a nice gentle taper after that in more comfort.

 

The other aspect of healing is working out how you got to be prescribed these drugs.  For many it's just going to be big pharma peddling nasty band-aids for pretty mundane complaints, for me it was a real issue that I had to take charge of healing myself.  If I hadn't worked on that (and that has taken years and years and I've sought various help along the way), coming off the drugs might've led to more problems.  Basically the drugs are a tranquiliser (a very crude and heavy one), but they don't address what the upset was about in the first place.

 

Have you tried yoga?   I've found restorative yoga in particular is amazing lately at relaxing and calming me.  Even "normal" life is ridiculously overstimulating these days.

 

Hope you feel better soon

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Priscilla

Update: I was out at an event today and in the beginning of the day things were great. For some reason, later on I started having moments of frustration from withdrawal symptoms. Is this normal with windows and waves? I know it probably is but I'm in denial as I can't believe I'm going through this. 

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Priscilla

Does anyone knows how long it takes for fish oil and magnesium combo to be effective in improving withdrawal symptoms?

 

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Priscilla

Update: Most, if not all of the symptoms of withdrawal that I read of others on this site have been physical like pain or insomnia related. I don't think I have yet to read of someone in withdrawal experiencing what I'm experiencing (which is very difficult to explain). Because I don't see people whose stories mirror what I'm experiencing, I lose hope that I will ever get better. I know healing probably requires patience but I think not only is mental illness a manmade construct but that it only becomes real after one takes medication. I'm now wondering if zyprexa gave me the mental illness that it was supposedly treating because 5 going on 6 months of suffering is a lot. I know this site says healing is measured in years but I am so inpatient and have little hope for healing. This is a very nervous time. I feel like a high achieving student used to getting all A's and suddenly gets her first F, it's nerve racking. Thanks for the creators/moderators/admins of this site for giving me a place to journal and for lack of better words, vent. 

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Priscilla
On 4/27/2019 at 4:56 AM, hayduke said:

Hey Priscilla,

 

I know you weren't on it for very long, but yes, years is a realistic time frame.

 

I got from 10mg to 5mg within a year.

 

Then 5 to 2.5mg within another year.

 

Now I'm looking for zero over the next year or two, from 2.5mg.

 

And even that's quite difficult for many of those days over that slow taper.  So when you look at what your CT is asking your body to do, it's a long journey.

 

If you are really finding things awful day after day after day, it might be worth considering reinstatement of a very small amount.  If that takes the "edge" off things you can then plan a nice gentle taper after that in more comfort.

 

The other aspect of healing is working out how you got to be prescribed these drugs.  For many it's just going to be big pharma peddling nasty band-aids for pretty mundane complaints, for me it was a real issue that I had to take charge of healing myself.  If I hadn't worked on that (and that has taken years and years and I've sought various help along the way), coming off the drugs might've led to more problems.  Basically the drugs are a tranquiliser (a very crude and heavy one), but they don't address what the upset was about in the first place.

 

Have you tried yoga?   I've found restorative yoga in particular is amazing lately at relaxing and calming me.  Even "normal" life is ridiculously overstimulating these days.

 

Hope you feel better soon

Hi Hayduke,

 

Thanks for the well wishes and no I have not tried yoga, but i'll look into it.

 

 

Priscilla

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Priscilla
On 4/12/2019 at 4:32 PM, Dream22 said:

Hi dont worry these meds change your brain chemistry and it can take a while to feel like yourself again. Try drinking lemon, honey and hot water in the mornings to help your liver detox. I read online that olamzapine can get stored in the fat cells sometimes which means even though youve stopped the meds they may be a bit of time till they are totally out of your system. Try exercise or walking out in nature. Please also try cutting any refined sugars, drinks and processed foods. I read the gut heavily influences the brain. As olamzapine depletes the body of vitamins, nutriets the gut environment can become damaged. If you heal your gut it can help heal your brain. Theres a good book called 'The Ultra mind solution' i got mine for a few pounds off amazon. Stay hopeful and positive as you were on the meds a short time. You will heal. Everyones journey is different ♡

I know I'm a  bit late to respond but thanks for your words of encouragement. 

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