Raindrop: depressed mood

[Raindrop]

I'm three weeks off Paraxotine entering phase of feeling depressed.  I had my first nightmare and it woke me up at 3 am.  I was terrified.  I decided to get up and journal my dream instead of ruminate about it.  The journal really helped.  My energy is so low.  I have been researching and taking vitamins, supplements and eating better foods and walking.  After the dream I wondered if it is really possible to get off the drug without relapse, because I was on it for many years.  I had restless legs and cramping during the night, zaps, flu like symptoms, sore eyes, low concentration, get headaches almost continually.  Have to lay down often.  I'm a walker and love the outdoors and have walked most days.  Today, is a "wave" day and it's too hot and humid to fight the weather.  My hope is that the "wave" will lessen and I will have a better night's sleep tonight.

[Carmie]

Hi Raindrop, 

 

Welcome to SA. I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time. 

 

Could you please tell us a bit more about your taper. 

 

You said you went off Paroxetine three weeks ago. What was the last dose you were on? How long were you on that dose for? How quickly did you taper? 

 

What dosage were you originally on, and how long ago did you start it?

 

Be careful with supplements, a lot of them make the withdrawals worse. The only two recommended on SA are magnesium and fish oil. Some people can’t even tolerate those, but a lot of people find them beneficial. You just start with one at a low dose and see how you go, then you can slowly increase it. 

 

I hope you have a good night’s sleep too, Sending hugs🤗

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Raindrop.

 

16 hours ago, Raindrop said:

I had restless legs and cramping during the night, zaps, flu like symptoms, sore eyes, low concentration, get headaches almost continually.  Have to lay down often.

 

These are withdrawal symptoms. Most likely, your other unpleasant symptoms are also related to going off Paxil, which is very difficult to quit.

 

Have symptoms been getting better or worse since you went off Paxil?

[Raindrop]

My symptoms have gotten worse this week  April 1-5,  After coming off Paxil in  third week of March,  I could manage the zaps, some headaches, flu-like symptoms and walked every day, but too much exercise made me sick.  This week has been very hard.  I did not exercise all week.  I couldn't do it because I felt sick.  I did not feel depressed the first two weeks off Paxil, but now I am depressed.  Seems like a switch got turned on for feeling depressed and a negative attitude.  I ruminate so much about everything, something like mania .  When I do this, I try to refocus and do other things or look at something good, pet the cat.  I cry so much of the time and for no reason.  I'm very touchy now.  I like church, but haven't gone for two weeks because it's so stimulating and I have a crying jag.  Now, I'm giving myself permission to not go for a while and watch church on TV or online.   Religion is one my sources for comfort and helps me spiritually. 

 

My sisters know of my coming off paxil and withdrawal.  They were very supportive at first.  I notice a change in them.  Or maybe it's me!  They will cut me off if I talk to much about this.  I'm very aware of this mania and try not to say to much so they don't feel overwhelmed.   However, I am wondering IF  they were just being nice at first, but maybe now realize this is withdrawal is deep and they want to stay their distance.   It truly scares me.  I feel so very alone but am thankful for this forum.  

 

I wish I never started taking Paxil.  The schrink should have slapped my hand and told me to go home and work things out.  I was being childish and didn't want to buck up to life situations.  So I took the easy way.  What a mistake I made.  I wish the doctor and someone would have  told me of the drug consequences of going on and going off the drug.  No one told me anything and I was so afraid and uneducated about coming off Paxil that I was on it for 30 years.  Now I wonder if I will be able to get through this.  I started tapering off Paxil in October 2018.  A couple months ago, I looked at info on withdrawal, but never realized how horrible it is.  Well, I'm beginning to now!

 

Timeline:  30 years on paxil 20 mg

3 times In the latter part of 30 years, I tapered to 15 mg and by the end of the week I was so depressed and sick that I went right back on paxil.  I did not know anything about coming off the drug at that time.

Many years ago Paxil stopped working in the afternoons and I would get brain zaps.  I never knew what brain zaps were.  I even asked a doctor why my head felt funny/weird in the afternoons.  She didn't know.

I learned about getting off Paxil from Your Tube videos in Feb 2019.

I started tapering off in October 2018 on my own.  I knew I had to do it slower because I tried before.  So I went down 2.5 mg each time.  One thing I didn't know was that it's not good to do the one day a week 2.5 mg less and the remainder days of the week at 20 mg.  The next week I did two days at 2.5 mg less and 3 days 20 mg.  I did that until Dec 2018.  In Jan 2019 I was down to 10 mg. and stayed there for 2 months  having some withdrawal, but not bad.  End of Feb I cut 2.5 less each week and got off Paxil 3rd week in March 2019.  Now I know I did that to fast.

Edited April 6, 2019 by Raindrop
I put a my timeline.

[RichT]

Don’t blame yourself Raindrop! You were prescribed the drug by a doctor and so naturally you would take it! Also, you didn’t know then what you know now, and you can’t be blamed for that either.

[Raindrop]

4/7/19: The withdrawal depression has been/is severe for me.  I chose to go back on 5mg of Paxil to see if it will help with some of the pain. I read about the window within 30 days to get back on the drug again.   

Went off paxil completely on 3/19/19

Started back on paxil: 4/6/19 at 5 mg.  8:30 am

Today 2nd day, 4/7/19 am  fitful sleep, severe withdrawal depression with restless leg, muscle aches, headache, flu-like symptoms, went back to bed to sleep 1.5 hrs.

Noon 4/7/19 pm feel better, light headache

3 pm 4/7/19  Feel Good. I was able to work around the house. More energy.

I know 5 mg is not enough to sustain me overnight.  

 

[Carmie]

Hi Raindrop, 

 

I’m sorry you’ve been struggling. My brain fog is severe at the moment ( CFS ) and I can’t read much. 

 

Could you please put in a drug signature. Just go to the Read It First section and there’s a thread there on how to do it there. Thank you. 

 

Please keep us updated on how you’re doing. I wouldn’t updose any more at the moment as your brain would have gotten used to the lower doses you’ve been on. It might take a while though for you to stabilise because you’ve made so many changes. Give it some time. 

 

In the meantime, it would be a good idea to find yourself some good distractions. I’ve just been through a few weeks of lots of waves, with some windows, and I distracted myself with arts n crafts, creative projects, reading (when my brain let me), word games, DVD marathons etc. 

 

Take care, sending hugs🤗

[Raindrop]

4/18/19

Final day taking Paxil was March 19, 2019.  Tapered Paxil from Oct 2018 to March 2019.

Went back on Paxil at 5mg on April 6, 2019 because of horrible withdrawal.  This is day 12 back on Paxil.

Have insomnia, restless legs, nerve pains and burning in legs and feet every night.  Wake up very fatigued, feel irritable, negative and  have headaches daily.  Have sugar lows before breakfast.  I still get over stimulated with things.  I'm sensitive to bright lights.

Many mornings after getting up and eating, I go back to bed for an hour because of lack of good sleep.  Then I feel better.

 

I take vitamins, fish oil, magnesium.

I soak my feet in magnesium salt foot baths after walking and massage my legs and feet.

I don't have as many zaps.  Ringing in the ears is not a loud as it was in March. 

I have a few more windows where I can take walks. 

 

[Raindrop]

4/22/2019

Day 17 back on 5 mg paxil

 

WD symptoms:

1.  Hair trigger temper over stuff I never would get hot over.  In anger I say stuff I would never say.  I feel shame and regret. 

Warning signs that trigger my anger:  Mornings - have to plan my day with people later in morning.  I don't sleep well.

Over sensitive emotionally to everything.  So very touchy! 

Some people trigger my anger and I don't want to interact with them now. 

Over stimulating environments overwhelm me.  

 

Mornings are mostly bad and generally the day gets better and in the evening I have some good windows.

 

2. Most mornings, my rumination starts with insomnia early AM and  I get so focused and depressed. I try to change the subject in my mind, only to do that over and over again, until I get out of bed and go do something else to distract myself.  It makes me feel so ill and crazy and fatigued and crying so much.  Often, I have to go back to bed for an hour after I have breakfast.  

 

3. Even though I take the 5 mg paxil, I have depression.  I sometimes get ideation, bad thoughts and am negative.  It makes me feel crazy and I want to get this out of my head!   

 

4. I have restless legs and nerve symptoms in my feet, hands and legs.  

 

5. Sore eyes and around my eyes.  To much starring at the PC.

 

I'm thankful for this forum to talk about this stuff.   I'm still hoping for better days ahead.  One day at a time, one hour at a time.  I'm want to believe these symptoms are WD and will eventually go away.  

 

 

[Raindrop]

Since May 2019, I went back on 10 mg paxil.  I am doing well at this lower dosage.  I do not want to get off this drug again because of the horrific torment I had trying to get off this medication after 30 years on the drug.  I am very grateful to have reconciled with my adult son who has shown understanding and kindness and patience toward me.  I am thankful for this website to have given me a place to talk about this and to know that many people struggle with the same things.  

 

[thecowisback]

so glad to hear things are improving for you!!!!👏👌👍