Blossom71: wanting to be sertraline free

[Blossom71]

On 6/12/2022 at 12:32 AM, RachelSusan said:

I had to smile when I read you comment about it taking you to 2030 to get off Sertraline. I felt the same way.  I would suggest you try not to think of the date when you get off.  You never know, you may not always have to taper at this pace.  As far as calling them "these sodding things", my thoughts exactly.  I agree 100% with that. In fact sodding is to kind of a word to use in this case.  I know that this is hard but you are doing a really good job.

I think I was feeling a bit of doom and gloom when I wrote that @RachelSusan. Generally I'm quite a patient person but every now and then I get mad and impatient and for a brief spell I want to shout and scream and just stop taking them!!  I guess a bit like a toddler tantrum 😂

 

I'm back to not being too bothered about the end game. When i have my wits about me i remember to appreciate that i found this site,  and that I'm now at 34.5mg rather than the 150mg I started at and other than a few blips have managed to get through so far relatively unscathed.  I now have a wealth of knowledge to help me take charge of my own destiny in getting off these meds. And i am doing it surrounded by lovely, supportive people who are sharing their own methods and experiences, and who are there to lend an ear when things get a bit rough but also to share in the successes.   And that is a very wonderful thing!!  x

[Blossom71]

Just now, Rrsfc said:

@Blossom71 I'm so glad things are going well for you ☺️. A few bumps on the road but nothing too challenging. I hope it stays that way 😘

Awww thanks lovely @Rrsfc.   When i look back, Feb/March were a challenge and i'm not sure i realised at the time how downhill things were going.  I'm really pleased that i held for a month and then started again smaller/slower and things are going really well now.

 

Hope you're doing ok.  I haven't read any threads in the last couple of weeks, but will drop by now to see how things have been for you 😘

[RachelSusan]

@Blossom71

 

Thanks for responding to me post.  Going from 150mg 34.5mg is fantastic.  Glad it is going relatively smoothly for you. Keep up the good fight.

 

😀😀😀

 

[Ariel]

Hi @Blossom71

How are you feeling? 

 

On 6/17/2022 at 3:59 PM, Blossom71 said:

Keep rocking the dark glasses lady!  I just got new sunglasses. Their pink and my husband think they look a bit weird, but as i cant see myself wearing them (unless i look in the mirror), if i look a bugger in them it's everyone elses problem! 😂

 

This has been making me smile.

I'm sure your pink sunglasses are fabulous!

(and incidentally, this is how I often feel about my face/hair -- I don't have to look at it, not my problem)

 

Thinking good thoughts in your direction <3

[CeruleanSea]

How's the summer treating you and your pink sunglasses, @Blossom71? 😄

[Blossom71]

Hi folks,

 

Thanks for asking @CeruleanSea and @Ariel

 

No sunglass rockin' here and Covid finally got us. I was feeling rather surprised that we've been able to avoid it for so long, but it finally got us and pretty much wiped us out for 2 weeks. Me and my husband were ill for 2 weeks and my son had it for 4 days in the middle.  So my new sunglasses haven't been had an 'outing' yet!

 

So things are just ok. Feel like I've lost 2 weeks of my life completely and life has left me behind. That probably sounds dramatic but I feel totally out of the loop of life and trying to figure out how to get back in.

I was struggling a bit work work anyway and juggling a lot of balls and now the balls have fallen and i cant work out which to pick up,  and I'm trying hard (and failing!) to not beat myself up about it. I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed.

I was also working really hard to learn parts/songs for a concert by choir i am a member of, and in the end I couldn't take part.  I was pretty gutted.

 

One strange thing is though, is that I'm beating myself up about things that i haven't cared much about in years. It feels like I'm less numb from the meds and that's why these things are bothering me. But who knows. I'm going to have to try and not overthink it. 

 

I inadvertently did a drop while I had Covid. I got a new syringe as the old one was sticking and making it hard to get the dose right, and i misread the lines.  Thankfully it wasn't a bit drop, but by the time i realised I had done 3 days so decided to continue as I already felt dreadful so didn't think it could make me feel worse.  I haven't noticed the drop so that's good.

 

I won't be a doing a drop for another couple of weeks. I'm just going to pause things until I feel I feel a bit less overwhelmed.

[Rrsfc]

Hi, I'm sorry you're struggling. I had COVID too in January and it was difficult. Life throws some bad things at us but we learn to get up again and fight another day. I hope your burden gets easier, and getting up after falling too. 

[Ariel]

Hi @Blossom71

I'm sorry to hear you and your family have had Covid. It's rough under any circumstances but in WD it can be experienced as that much worse. 

 

It sounds like you're on the mend, which is good, though please go gently and don't rush it. Take your time easing into things. 

 

On 7/12/2022 at 4:14 PM, Blossom71 said:

So things are just ok. Feel like I've lost 2 weeks of my life completely and life has left me behind. That probably sounds dramatic but I feel totally out of the loop of life and trying to figure out how to get back in.

I was struggling a bit work work anyway and juggling a lot of balls and now the balls have fallen and i cant work out which to pick up,  and I'm trying hard (and failing!) to not beat myself up about it. I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed.

I was also working really hard to learn parts/songs for a concert by choir i am a member of, and in the end I couldn't take part.  I was pretty gutted.

 

One strange thing is though, is that I'm beating myself up about things that i haven't cared much about in years. It feels like I'm less numb from the meds and that's why these things are bothering me. But who knows. I'm going to have to try and not overthink it. 

 

I can relate to what you describe, especially the feeling of being totally out of the loop of life and trying to figure out how to get back in. 

Spoiler alert: I haven't figured it out yet, at all. 

Spoiler alert: Most of the time I don't try to figure it out anymore, I try to just accept where I'm at and be here (for) now as best I can. I trust that as I feel better the "figuring it out" bit will ease up along with WD symptoms lifting, and things will become apparent in a way they are currently not. The path will appear sort of thing, in some realistic, grounded, unpretentious version of that. 

 

I'm sorry you weren't able to take part in the choir concert. What a bummer that you couldn't join your fellow choristers and share that experience, especially considering how hard you'd been working to learn the parts and songs. 

Please give yourself lots of credit for having done the work in the time prior. I know it doesn't make up for having missed the performance, though for what it's worth, I believe you have facilitated neurogenesis by your hard work and learning all that music. I applaud you for having invested so much time and effort into a healing activity, and I'm certain you're already reaping the benefits in all sorts of mysterious ways. So encore to that!

 

As for the beating ourselves up bit, that's a classic WD symptom. Part of neuro-emotions and those runaway thoughts. 

Go easy on yourself, dear Blossom. You're doing a great job. Treat yourself with the kindness you deserve. 

 

Remember that the effects of stress are cumulative and can take a toll on our sensitive systems when they are already working so hard to help us heal. I think you know this, please excuse me if it's annoying that I repeat this; I sometimes forget to give myself a pass and find it useful to remind myself, often daily, of everything that my body is doing for me.

 

Healing is happening all the time, even when we don't consciously feel it. (Even when consciously I am feeling impatient and exhausted.)

 

Holding space for your experience and wishing you moments of peace and respite as you move forward,

In solidarity and support <3

A. 

[Blossom71]

 Thanks for your encouragement on my last post @Ariel. I did read it, but didn't have the energy to reply.

On 7/17/2022 at 12:03 PM, Ariel said:

I can relate to what you describe, especially the feeling of being totally out of the loop of life and trying to figure out how to get back in. 

Spoiler alert: I haven't figured it out yet, at all. 

Spoiler alert: Most of the time I don't try to figure it out anymore, I try to just accept where I'm at and be here (for) now as best I can. I trust that as I feel better the "figuring it out" bit will ease up along with WD symptoms lifting, and things will become apparent in a way they are currently not. The path will appear sort of thing, in some realistic, grounded, unpretentious version of that. 

 

 

Am feeling much better and feeling a little more able to "join in with life" after finally shedding all the covid symptoms and after effects.  Work is still causing me anxiety but I'm trying to just face it and push through some of the more difficult tasks rather than using all the avoidance/procrastination techniques i usually use. It doesn't help me in the long run and i really need to feel like I'm trying my best to do good job. 

 

Other than that things are ticking along.  I've done another small 0.5mg drop only a week after the last one. Doing it only 1 week after the last is a one-off and it was mainly because I wanted to be able to get 3 doses from 2 x 50g pills. Dissolving them daily was starting to do my head in as quite often I forget so it ends up delaying me getting to bed while i wait for that days dose to dissolve.  So I'm about a week in and can definitely feel it, although it's manageable.   But its been a really good reminder that weekly drops are not great for me.

 

I'm counting down to a 2 week holiday in the sun and I cant bloody wait!  It's been too long. Only 2 weeks to go 😎

 

[Blossom71]

Nearly 2 weeks since my last drop. In the last 4 days or so I’ve been absolutely exhausted.  I suspect it’s a mixture of my last drop, lingering low level covid symptoms (as it feels pretty much like it did at the back end of covid) and my sleep not being brilliant since covid.

 

Im due another small drop (about 1.6%) in a couple of days and not sure at the moment whether I’ll drop or not, I guess I’ll just see how the next couple of days pan out.

 

I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with my meds on the overnight flights to and from my holiday destination. I don’t want to skip the doses as it’ll mean the next evening dose will be 42 hours after the last with the time difference (probably too long given the short half life of sertraline) but I can’t be crushing pills/accurately measuring liquid/accurately measuring the doses on the plane.  I’m thinking I’ll shave the tablets to the correct weight before I go, or crush the powder into a gel capsule then I can just discretely drop the pill/powder in a glass of water on the plane.

 

if I take it on the 2nd leg of my plane journey an hour into the flight it will be about 22 hours after my last dose, and then the first dose at my destination will be 20 hours after that.

[Rrsfc]

When I had COVID it took a while after for me to feel completely normal, it just takes time. Hope you can find the best strategie to take your meds on the plane. Maybe crushing the pills in advance os a good way to do it. Have fun on your vacation!

[Blossom71]

Hi folks

 

I’m back from my holiday and back to earth with a bang (and piles and piles of laundry!!!)

I did my usual 2 weekly 0.5mg drop halfway through the holiday and it didn’t cause any problems. I got my usual increase in tinnitus, my heart beating harder and a little air hunger but none of it was problematic.

 

I will carry on doing 0.5mg every 2 weeks until the 0.5mg reaches around 2%, then I’ll reduce the amount to 0.4mg.  It’s slow, but at least I feel like I’m constantly making progress, and I feel like I’ve really found a % and frequency of drop that suits me.  So all is good!!!

 

In the end I shaved the tablets to the right weight to take on the plane. I stupidly forgot the take the one on the way back but with the time difference and going to sleep earlier last night, it meant that the dose was 36 hours after my last instead of 48. No problems at all which is a relief!

 

 

[Blossom71]

It's a while since I've updated.

 

I've come to the conclusion that i probably have lingering Covid symptoms as i am still pretty exhausted.  I don't think it's my last drop as I have a pattern of symptoms that usually accompany a drop and this feels different.

The fatigue is messing with my mental health and I am really low at the moment.   My son is also having his usual issues at school and a group of kids are bullying/harassing him to the point that I've had to report it to the police so there's that additional stress, but to be honest his issues at school are pretty constant so that's nothing new.

 

I don't usually suffer with depression - more anxiety - so this has really caught me off guard.   I've slept a lot this weekend which has helped a bit but my heart still sank when I woke up this morning and it hit that I have to face another day.  Everything is feeling pretty hopeless right now. Lots of tears and ruminating thoughts.

 

I'm still at 31.5mg and have no plans to drop again until I start to pick up.

[Erimus]

It’s completely normal to feel extra fatigue for an extended period after a nasty virus like covid @Blossom71. Add that in to the cocktail with withdrawal syndrome and life, and it’s easy to see how it starts to get the better of you. Many people I know reported it taking them 2-3 months to feel completely back to normal post-covid, without added WD issues. You’re doing great. You’ll get off the sertraline eventually, I know you will. You’re down to 21% of your highest dose of 150mg.

[Rrsfc]

I am so sorry you're having a rough time. I also had COVID and it took a while to become normal again. I hope you can get better soon and deal with the bullies too. You're very strong, I'm sure you'll be able to get past all this in time... Sending you a big hug. 

[RachelSusan]

@Blossom71 I am sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time. I think you are wise to hold off on your tapering.

 

You son being bullied must be a huge strain on you.

 

I hope you see improvement very soon.

[Blossom71]

Thanks for your kind words @Erimus@rrsfc and @RachelSusan. I saw them but just haven’t had the energy to come back and update. 

 

Things are pretty crappy here. 
my sons still having massive problems at school and being excluded most weeks. Mainstream school just isn’t equipped for his SEMH needs. We are working closely with school and trying to work through it.  In the meantime he has been diagnosed with ADHD on the extreme end (scored 50 out of a possible 54), and they’re recommending medication. I’m finding that really difficult to deal with given my opinion of psych meds.  

I just can’t reconcile my thoughts on it all. How can I agree to medicate him when I know of the harms they cause, but on the other hand how do I sit back and watch him struggle so much?  He wants to try them and see if they help, but every part of my body is screaming “no!”.

It feels like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. 
 

Also, the strain his behaviours and meltdowns is putting on all of us as family is pretty extreme. My mental health is pretty bad at the mo, and my husband is depressed. My poor son is trying hard to do the right thing and failing at every turn. There is no respite and I know we can’t continue as we are. 
 

covid fatigue is still there to some degree but definitely improving. 
 

I held for a bit longer until I levelled off and started dropping again and now I’m down to 31mg.  The hold for a couple of extra weeks made a massive difference and I haven’t felt any I’ll effects from the last 2 small drops, except my heart beating slightly harder. Just noticed that I appear to have held longer at this dose by accident but that’s not a bad thing with everything going on at the mo.

[RachelSusan]

@Blossom71 What a difficult choice it must be for you in regard to your son's ADHD. It sounds like you are considering all angles and doing your best to make a decision. It must be a tremendous emotional weight.  I feel for you.

 

When I was tapering off of Sertraline I also held longer during emotional and stressful times. I found it to be a big help. I am glad you found it helpful as well.

 

Hang in there, I know you are dealing with a lot. Additionally thank you for coming back to update us. It means a lot to me.

 

Warm wishes.

 

[Erimus]

For what it’s worth, I have a slightly younger cousin who struggled immensely all through school because of severe ‘ADHD’. I don’t like diagnoses and labels but  he is ‘different’, not in a bad way. It just makes life harder because his brain doesn’t work the same as the rest of us. Unfortunately schools are regimented and don’t cater to everyone’s needs. He had a difficult start in life but he got his first job just over a year ago at 19 and is doing great these days. Best thing that happened for him was leaving school and being given a chance in a job.

 

I know my cousin used medication during his school years, but he doesn’t anymore and he’s managing well. It’s hard, I think I’d struggle with a close friend or family member going on medication after my experience. At the end of the day, you can’t control it. Do what is in the best interest of you and your family to get through it.

Edited October 24, 2022 by Erimus

[CeruleanSea]

@Blossom71 my child has adhd + sensory sensitivities. he's an amazing and wonderful kid who needs some support.   One small thing that helps is sitting in a wiggly chair,   would they have something like that available to your son?

[Erimus]

Hope you’re doing okay @Blossom71.

[Blossom71]

Hi folks

Thanks for your replies @Erimus@ceruleansea and @RachelSusan

 

I’ve been AWOL for a while. The covid fatigue came back with a vengeance but after 2 weeks off work at Christmas I seem to have finally seen the back of that.

 

My son is now being medicated and he is really happy with how things are going. I can see that his confidence has grown already, now that things are much easier for him. All areas of his life are improving and we are pretty blown away by the change.

It still sits badly with me though.

 

I am now down to 28.5mg. I’m doing 1/2 mg drops about every 3 weeks. I’m not feeling an adverse effects from the drops so I’ll keep doing what I’m doing.

 

i have had to start the omeprazole again though. Not sure what’s happening but since Christmas my stomach has gone haywire and I’ve been dizzy, nauseous etc. I’ve tried everything else, but a couple of days ago I succumbed. It seems to be settling but if not I’ll go get it checked out.

 

just found out yesterday that both me and husband and I have been made redundant (from the same company). So another hurdle to navigate but feel I’m in a reasonable place so although I’m pretty nervous, it’s not as devastating as it would have been last year. Onward and upwards!

 

i hope you’re all well and had a good Christmas and New Year. I hope 2023 brings you all you wish for x

[RachelSusan]

@Blossom71 I am very happy to read that your son is doing well.  We ache when our children are not happy and rejoice when they are happy.  I know you are still concerned about the medication but the fact that he is doing so well must be a relief for you.

 

I am sorry that you and your husband have both been made redundant.  It's difficult when both people loose their jobs. I don't know what field you are in and how difficult it will be for you and your husband to find you new jobs. I wish you the best of luck.

 

Thank you for updating us.

[Erimus]

Good to hear from you. It seems like you’re managing all your stresses pretty well. Don’t fret about using omeprazole, it’s so easy to taper off when the time is right again.

[CeruleanSea]

@Blossom71Hey it's nice to hear from you!

 

I'm glad you've made it tapering so far! So far, so good it seems.

 

I am hopeful that you will each find a new position soon!   

 

 

[Rrsfc]

Hi, I was happy then sad with your news, I'm so sorry... Hope you can find a new job where you are valued and happy. Sometimes we are forced to change and that is scary, but it can also be an opportunity to move forward to something better. Let's hope this is the case. You have been so  brave, you deserve a break... Hoping 2023 is a good turning point in your life! Your son being well is wonderful news. 😘

[CeruleanSea]

@Blossom71 how is the job search going?  wishing you the best from here.

[Blossom71]

Hey folks

 

It’s been a while! Thanks @RachelSusan @CeruleanSea @Erimus @Rrsfc for your support.

 

A few days after the redundancy announcement I was contacted by a recruiter about a role 5 mins walk from my house!  She didn’t know I was looking and didn’t know where I lived so it felt like serendipity.  I got the role, finished at my old employer on 28th Feb and started the new role on 6th March.  I’m a week in and loving it so far. I hated my old role/company so things have worked out well so far.

 

My hubby still needs to find a job but we got redundancy pay, and I got a pay rise so we have a while before we need to start panicking.

 

Things are still much better with my son and he has settled on a dose of the meds that suits him. He’s happy and optimistic and it’s wonderful to see.

 

So things feel quite settled so I did another 1/2 my drop yesterday from 28mg to 27.5mg.

Other than a short spell I’m back not taking omeprazole. Turns out the acid is because I have a number of large fibroids pressing on my other organs. I have been referred as they I will likely need surgery to remove them, but I’m managing quite well with OTC antacids for the moment.

 

So all in all I’m doing pretty well!

 

Hope you’re all ok x

[RachelSusan]

@Blossom71 Thank you for posting an update.  I am very pleased to hear how well things turned out. The job offer coming when it did is truly amazing.

 

I am sorry to hear about the potential surgery but it's good you know what is causing the problem and what can be done to treat it.

 

Congrats on your most recent Setraline drop.

 

I hope all things continue to go well for you, and your son too.

 

Warm wishes.

[Altostrata]

Hello, @Blossom71, how are you doing?

[Blossom71]

Hey folks, long time since I've updated.

 

I hope everyone is doing well!

 

Things ticking along nicely here. Both hubby and are are in new jobs and things are going well.  Being out of the toxic environment we were both in has helped massively with both our states of mind. We liken to it to being in an abusive relationship, you don't realise how bad things have got until you get out!

 

I've been continuing with my taper and now down to 25mg - with another drop due today.  Still doing the 1/2mg per month and the last 3 drops (less than 2%) I have felt absolutely no symptoms whatsoever. That reinforces my thoughts that some of my withdrawal symptoms were the cumulative effects of the previous drops and once i slowed it has given my body and brain chance to catch up.

However tempting it might be to speed it up am going to continue how i am, as the % i am dropping is increasing slightly with each drop and i know I will reach the point when the amount i drop each time needs to decrease. But my body will start to tell me that and then I can make adjustments.

 

I have been on pills rather than my own liquid for the past month - as i fancied a change from the hassle of dissolving - so with this drop i will be back to dissolving. So i will be doing 1/4 liquid + 3/4 pill for a week, 1/2 + 1/2 for a week, 3/4 liquid + 1/4 pill for a week until I'm back to all liquid.

 

In the last few weeks I've being diagnosed with ADHD. It's been a slow realisation since my son was diagnosed, and i think I finally have an explanation of why I have found life so overwhelming.  It doesn't change anything other to understand myself a bit better and to be a bit kinder to myself.

[Blossom71]

Just updated my signature with dates and somehow I have managed to do a drop by 1mg (instead of 1/2mg) one month without realising. Not sure how that happened and don't even now what month it was.  But I'll take that as a win. I didn't notice and am 1/2mg lower than i should be 💃

 

Also, I am due major surgery in Oct for my fibroids. They are so large that my uterus is the size of a 20 week pregnancy - which explains the acid stomach and digestion issues amongst other things.  So i am still on Omeprazole but plan to taper off those once I've had the op.  Downside is that they are also taking my ovaried so could cause some hormonal changes as I'll be immediately in menopause.   I will stop my Desogestrel at that point but may need some HRT type thing. So i am probably going to pause my drops at that point until everything stabilises.

[Altostrata]

Hello, @Blossom71, how are you doing?

[Blossom71]

On 8/24/2023 at 3:28 AM, Altostrata said:

Hello, @Blossom71, how are you doing?

All good here thanks @Altostrata!

[Blossom71]

I’m 12 days into my latest drop. I thought I’d try dropping earlier this time as I am away on holiday and dont need to be on the ball as much so I dropped another 0.5mg 16 days after my last. No Ill effects at all which is great. I haven’t even got the increase in tinnitus which is the symptom I get with every single drop usually.

I think my next drop will likely be 3 weeks after my last. I would like to speed the process up a bit but know I need to be cautious.

[marconyc]

On 6/10/2019 at 11:13 PM, Blossom71 said:

Hi Shep

 

Thanks for the links. I’ve read most of them but there’s a few of them that I haven’t, so will read those.

 

In some ways I feel better on the 100mg but in some ways worse. 

 

Pros: I feel less numb and more motivated. I’m feeling more.

cons: my hips hurt, my ears are ringing, fluttery feeling in my stomach and I just feel really down and flat.

 

So at the moment the pros and cons are balancing themselves out.  I plan on sticking where I am for a while until I feel that I’ve levelled out and then I’ll be starting to do the 10% tapers

I can relate to that mix of feelings.