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Today is my sixty-second birthday. It is also close to the date five years ago when I joined this website and began my taper off of Celexa. There is a great deal I could say here about how to survive a long taper. I could give advice. But withdrawal is a personal journey. Read what you find on this website judiciously and then do what you think is best for you.

 

As you know, withdrawal makes your head spin. It disorients. It creates a fever. Your body clenches and your nerves prickle and pound. The negative is raised up, the positive is fleeting. You're told in terrible whispers to the heart that you will never be whole again, that your disorientation will be the condition under which you will exist forever.

 

But to that whisper you should stand firm: No! I WILL return.

 

And you will. In my own return, I've watched the changes from a front-row seat. With greater and greater clarity, I saw the road ahead. What I see today is a place, or a state of mind, where a kind of unity within me is possible.

 

The cycling of withdrawal reveals this possibility in a slow unwinding paradox: That as each negative in the cycle of withdrawal peaks the positive increases. (Without pain there can be no gain.) And then there comes a series of tipping points when the positive takes over and the negative begins to fade.

 

I may never get back to who I once was. But so what! I don't want to be that person again, anyway. Time and experience change us all in ways that we cannot predict. I'm fully aware of the fact that whatever comes my way is neither mine to control nor something I should ignore. I accept the ways of the world but refuse to let those ways bowl me asunder. I will accept what is, yet seek-out quiet, sun-lit places where presence and calm are the order of the day.

 

The plasticity of the CNS is a wondrous thing and makes these changes possible. The body wants to be whole. Someday, when the positive and the negative in me merge they will then both fade from consciousness and I'll be whole, I'll be present. In some mysterious though endlessly interesting way, I will have found the bedrock upon which I exist. Something like that.

 

I'm not religious. But I do put a lot of stock in the messaging of good metaphors. One of the books that has sustained me in my journey back from the insanity of withdrawal has been the "The Gospel of Thomas." I've read and studied it as the atheist I am and the former English teacher I was. I'd like to leave you with some of its secular wisdom as a kind of commentary on the growing self-awareness that I believe will come to you, too, as you make your own return to self:

 

Logion 18: Where the beginning is, the end will also be.

 

Logion 58: Good are those who have undergone ordeals./They have entered into life.

 

Logion 61: ...when people are open,/they are filled with light./When they are divided,/they are filled with darkness.

 

Logion 70: If you bring forth what is within you,/what you bring forth will save you./If you do not bring forth what is within you,/what you do not bring forth will destroy you.

 

Logion 84: When you see/your true likeness,/you rejoice./But when you see your true self,/those that were before you existed,/and that never die and never manifest,/what grandeur!

 

Logion 90: ...you shall find repose within you.

 

Logion: 111: Whoever has self-knowledge,/the world cannot contain them.

 

 

Myndfull

 

I had tried and failed to stop Paxil several times (though never using a long, slow taper) and thought Celexa might be easier, so I shifted to Celexa in 2012. In August of 2014 I began a serious tapered withdrawal from Celexa (20 mg.), making monthly drops, mostly 10% of the last dose, sometimes more, sometimes less.  In July of 2016 I took an early retirement at 59 in large part because of my intense withdrawal  symptoms.

 

Three years and eight months after beginning my taper, I stopped taking Celexa on 5/12/18.

 

I am currently in recovery and I am very slowly getting better. I still have waves and some are quite bad. But overall the trend is toward healing.

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@myndfull Beautiful, poetic. Gives me much hope. 

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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Thank you for that beautiful post.  Giving me hope today.  

 Sept 2013-Apr 2014:  After death of my mom put on as series of meds. Zoloft 6 days, Lexapro1 day, Nortriptyline 10 days, Liquid Prozac 1 week, Cymbalta 1 week.

Got off Clonzapam: 1/2014-9/2014. After given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs

Completed Remeron taper: 41.25 -0.025mgs  1/2015-4 2017. 

Completed Lamictal Taper: 200mgs-0.05 mgs 7/ 2015-11/2018. 

Clonazapam  December 2018. 0.625 Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping and not thinking straight. 28 March, 2019  4% taper Total: .625mgai   26 May, 2019  4% taper Total: .575 mgai,   24 June, 2019 2.5 % taper  10 Clonzapam tablets weigh1.999 mgpw  Average  200 mgpw.  0.0073mgai 9AM, 0.0073mgai 3PM, .415mgai, Total: 561mgai,  10 July, 2019 (Compounded pills) .0073mgai 9AM,.0073mgai 3PM, .415mgai,

Total .561mgai   26 August, 2019 (Back to regular pills due to bad reaction) .0078mgai 9AM, .01075mgai 3PM, .360mgai PM, Total: .545mgai   26 Sept. 2019 .0775mgai 9AM, .1mgai 3PM, 0.350mgai PM: Total: .5275mgai   31 Oct, 2019 .0750mgai 9AM, .0925mgai 3PM, 0.340mgai 930PM, Total: .5075mgai,   30 Nov. 2019 .0775mgai 9AM, .0825mgai 3PM, .3325mgai 9:30PM, Total:.490mgai   31 Dec. 2019 .0775mgai 9AM,  .080mgai 3PM, .3225mgai 9:30PM,  Total: .4775mgai   31 Jan. 2020 .0725mgai 9AM, .0750mgai 3pm, .315mgai 9:30PM, Total: .4625mgai    29 Feb. 2020  .0675mgai 9AM, .0675 3PM, .305 mgai 9PM Total: .440mgai 31 March 2020 .065mgai 9AM,  .065mgai 3PM, .2925mgai 10PM, Total: 4225mgai  30 April 2020 .0625mgai 9AM, .0625mgai 3PM, .2775mgai 10PM  Total: .4025mgai 31 May 2020 .0625mgai 9AM, .0625 mgai 3PM, .2526 mgai 10PM, Total: .3775mgai  30 June 2020 .0625mgai 9AM, .0625mgai 3PM  .2175 mgai 10PM Total .3425mgai.   31 July 2020 .0575 mgai 9AM .0550 mgai 3PM .180mgai 10PM Total .2925mgai  31 August 2020 .0475mgai 9AM, 0.045mgai 3PM, .01475mgai 10PM Total: .2375mgai  30 September 2020 0.0375mgai 9AM 0.035mgai 3PM 0.110mgai 10PM  Total: .1825mgai 31 October 2020 .0325mgai 9AM .0350mgai 3PM  .0725mgai 9PM

Total: .14mgai  30 Nov. 2020 .03mgai 9AM  .0276mgai 3PM 0.450mgai 9PM Total: .1025mgai 31 Dec. 2020 .02mgai 9AM .02mgai 3PM .02mgai 9PM Total: .06mgai  5 February, 2021 .0150mgai Stepped off of Clonzapam, Benzo Free

 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs,  Vitamin D, Vitamin C, Magnesium Glycinate

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Thanks for sharing! It gives me hope today! I hope your positive journey continues.

 

Oct 2016. 20 years fluoxetine (20 mg) and bupropion (400 mg). Ceased fluoxetine without taper and bupropion after 4 wk taper. Initial extreme fatigue resolved into moderate fatigue and depression with occasional brain zaps and tingling skin.
Oct 2017. Anhedonia, 90% of my day. Occasional anxiety. Milder brain zaps. In past two weeks, 3 window days and 11 wave days.
May 2019. Anhedonia, infrequent anxiety, mild brain zaps. Sleeping 6 hours nightly after lifetime of 8 hours. Typical daily pattern is wave until late afternoon, window until bedtime. Occasional full day windows.
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intothewoods

 

On 7/10/2019 at 4:25 PM, myndfull said:

As you know, withdrawal makes your head spin. It disorients. It creates a fever. Your body clenches and your nerves prickle and pound. The negative is raised up, the positive is fleeting. You're told in terrible whispers to the heart that you will never be whole again, that your disorientation will be the condition under which you will exist forever.

 

But to that whisper you should stand firm: No! I WILL return.

 

And you will. In my own return, I've watched the changes from a front-row seat. With greater and greater clarity, I saw the road ahead. What I see today is a place, or a state of mind, where a kind of unity within me is possible.

 

The cycling of withdrawal reveals this possibility in a slow unwinding paradox: That as each negative in the cycle of withdrawal peaks the positive increases. (Without pain there can be no gain.) And then there comes a series of tipping points when the positive takes over and the negative 

 

I just love this. Thank you for describing so well what the drugs want us to believe will never happen. 

 

Much continued healing to you, @myndfull

* Fluoxetine: 40 mg 1999-2012; 60 mg 2012-March 2018;  49 mg at present.

* Provigil: 25-100 mg PRN 2005 to mid-2015; 200-300 mg mid-2015 to early 2016; tapered from 300 mg in early 2016 to 100 mg early 2017; tapered from 100 mg early 2017 to 31 mg June 15, 2019; 22 mg at present.

* Amitriptyline: 10-15 mg 2002-2013; 25 mg 2014 to December 5, 2018; December 15, 2018 converted to water suspension and tapered to 21 1/2 mg at present

* Diazepam: 5 mg at night 2002-present

 Supplements: Iron for anemia

 

Back Story: From 2012 thru early 2017, relocated and cycled through over 20 primary and psych docs (supposedly for severe Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) who prescribed two dozen different psych meds in search of the "perfect therapeutic combo." Took most for only a few days, some for a week. Included Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, Lexapro, Seroquel, Lamictal, Klonopin, Lyrica, Gabapentin, Belsomra, Tramadol, Librium, Halcyon, Remeron and -- the last straw, Trintellix. Began in early 2016 when it was still called Brintellix (Pharma's attempt to combine the words "brilliance" and "intelligence" in a pill name), became unable to eat or sleep, lost 25 lbs and the ability to speak. Slowly tapered myself back to Prozac by 2017 but was unable to stop akathisia, cortisol mornings and kindling which continue, actively, through present.

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FarmGirlWorks
On 7/10/2019 at 1:25 PM, myndfull said:

Logion 18: Where the beginning is, the end will also be.

💛💛💛 Thank you!

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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On 7/11/2019 at 10:57 AM, India said:

@myndfull Beautiful, poetic. Gives me much hope. 

#2

 

Thank you, myndfull 😌

Medical history:
11/2015 - Duloxetin 30mg, 12/2015 - Duloxetin 60mg, 4/2016 - CT
8/2016 - Duloxetin 60mg, 2/2017 - Duloxetin 30mg, 4/2017 - CT
7/2017 - Duloxetin 60mg, 9/2017 - Duloxetin 30mg, 11/2017 - CT
3.5.2018 - Milnacipran 25mg, 10.5.2018 - Milnacipran 50mg, 20.5.2018 - Milnacipran 25mg, 24.5.2018 - CT and protracted WD

 

Supplements: none

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  • 4 weeks later...

Thank you for this. 💕

1990s-Zoloft, Paxil, Ambien, Welbutrin, Adderal Don't remember time frame, all discontinued

1999-Effexor  & Klonopin

2005- Effexor & Klonopin uninformed fast taper. Failed, reinstated

2010-Effexor & Klonopin very slow taper;  uninformed

2017 Effexor Nov 10mg OFF   - Sxs ok for 1- 2 months Continue Klonopin taper

2018 April   found Benzo Buddies/Benzo FB groups 

2018 June Klonopin 1.5 mg Begin Daily Liquid Microtaper (symptom based) 

2019 May Klonopin <0.6mg

 

2005-Present  Vit D

1989-Present Levothyroxine

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  • 1 year later...
myndfull

Only a year and a half has passed since I wrote my success story, yet it seems like a lifetime ago--decades.

 

If you're a regular user of SA.org you won't find anything I have to say today that will be original. But I think anyone in withdrawal needs to hear again that things DO get better, that the trajectory of withdrawal is toward healing.

 

I'm still in recovery. Each time I have a difficult time of it I come out changed, subtly different, yet always essentially more like the person I used to be: calm, centered, sensible, honest (especially to myself), kind, forgiving, generous, grateful. Anti-depressants took those very human characteristics away and gave me in return a hollow, self-centered unhappy man.

 

Here's a little of what's happened since I was last here:  

 

My physical and psychological issues have greatly diminished, though are not completely gone; I no longer have awful IBS-like symptoms; I no longer get debilitating headaches; I rarely get the intense flu-like paresthesia (body aches--what I've called the "clench" or the "buzz") that plagued me; I'm able to sleep for six hours straight, tho' I still have insomnia--something I've had off and on since I was thirteen; I don't have much of the sinus sensitivity that, coupled with the headaches, made sleep sometimes impossible; I don't have anhedonia, though I can get a little down and dispirited; I don't get withdrawal's hamster-wheel effects, the brain fog, spinning, spinning, spinning in my brain; I don't have paranoia; I don't rage anymore; I don't get emotionally upset about little things; I can read books again and listen to music with great absorption and delight (I'm listening to Coltrane's "Ballads" album as I write this); I'm generally hopeful now about the future. Etc. -- I've had so many symptoms, detailing any more of them here would be laborious and unhelpful.

 

I'm better!!!!

 

I've said to my wife lately that I feel like I'm waking up. Waking up. I've been asleep or deadened to so much. My ability to feel the world, to sense it with a richer contextuality, has increased exponentially. It increases each month. From week to week I am not the same person. I feel things now about the world, myself, etc., that I didn't or couldn't feel or see before, or did but as though through a glass darkly. For example, lately I'm feeling a renewal of the love I felt for my wife when we had just met, and I'm rediscovering her and that love--something I've always felt but under the effects of my SSRI couldn't express very well. I'm in love! I can understand now just how smart I was to have chosen her so many years ago, back when I wasn't taking an SSRI, back when I was sensible and strong, yet distrustful and wary of my emotions.

 

So, before I go, here's a weird take:  These SSRI's actually work! I'm cured!  Hear me out:  First, you have to take them for a number of years. Then you have to taper off them for a number of years. Then you have to wait a number of years to regrow your "whatever" (don't ask; I don't know; your CNS?). As you do, you begin to feel like you've been upgraded, version 2.0 (1.0 being buggy and clumsy to use; a prototype, used with caution, but abused with unnecessarily emotional turmoil).

 

Before I go, I have a warning for some of you. You may feel that you'll never be whole/better/good again. You are saying essentially that you are different. Don't feel that way. You're not special. You're not. You'll heal like the rest of us did. It's the way of it. You may lack the patience to be able to see that now, but if there's one thing your re-growth will teach you it's patience.

 

I may be back in a couple years when I'll be shiny new. 3.0? I hope I live long enough. One can't be too optimistic, but after withdrawal one can certainly feel justified in casting caution to the wind and hoping for the best.

 

I had tried and failed to stop Paxil several times (though never using a long, slow taper) and thought Celexa might be easier, so I shifted to Celexa in 2012. In August of 2014 I began a serious tapered withdrawal from Celexa (20 mg.), making monthly drops, mostly 10% of the last dose, sometimes more, sometimes less.  In July of 2016 I took an early retirement at 59 in large part because of my intense withdrawal  symptoms.

 

Three years and eight months after beginning my taper, I stopped taking Celexa on 5/12/18.

 

I am currently in recovery and I am very slowly getting better. I still have waves and some are quite bad. But overall the trend is toward healing.

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20 hours ago, myndfull said:

Before I go, I have a warning for some of you. You may feel that you'll never be whole/better/good again. You are saying essentially that you are different. Don't feel that way. You're not special. You're not. You'll heal like the rest of us did. It's the way of it. You may lack the patience to be able to see that now, but if there's one thing your re-growth will teach you it's patience.

 

I love it ! ❤️ 

Thank you for taking the time to remind that I'm absolutely not special ;)

And enjoy the 2.0 life version ! 

2006 : 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, taper to 0.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22 Aug 2019 updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

* 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* Prozac : 6.92mg (23 Jun 2021)

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  • 4 months later...
myndfull

Hello, Erell; thank you for your response to my post in January. I don't come here often anymore, but I do appreciate any feedback. And, Erell, you got my joke. I, too, am not special in any way. 

 

Before giving some details about my continued journey back to normal, I'd like to ask a favor of members of this site who live in the San Francisco Bay Area. I'm looking for a therapist, a psychologist, with experience treating patients in withdrawal--either that or someone who is aware of the issues that we face. I've found some names in a search here, and I've searched Google, but what I really want is a rec from someone who has either experienced the care of a good therapist themselves or from someone who has heard of a good therapist who's "woke" to our problems. I'm willing to travel to see this person. I live in the East Bay--think "Berkeley."  Please, either post your rec here or send me a private message. Thank you.

 

I last updated in January of this year. I was then going through a lot of withdrawal-related symptoms, though my message then was mostly positive. At that point I continued to sense that I was (slowly) getting better, though each "leveling" of my mood downward ("down" in this context is good) was a trial I had to endure.

 

Most of my physical symptoms are now gone. All the symptoms I feel, however, are physical; the psychological is physical. I can no longer think of the two as separate entities. Lately, I've been having fairly profound states of disassociation, derealization, and depression; at the same time I feel anxiety tingling--in my arms, shoulders and back. I get a feeling of impending doom. I feel the old feeling of "brain fog" that I used to live with daily. In dissociative states I lose my identity. My memory goes. I can't enjoy anything. I want to crawl under the covers in bed and ride it out. In dissociative states: I don't feel myself; I sit next to my family at the dinner table and I feel nothing for them; they don't become strangers; they become reminders of just how far I have drifted from myself. I know them and I know that I love them, but at the same time I've forgotten who they are. I recognize the room we're in, but everything in that room is just an object. It isn't imbued with a feeling. Hope disappears. The good feelings of being alive disappear. I feel nullified. Empty. Subtle feelings disappear, replaced by anxiety and at times a profound depression where I feel I'm "going through the motions," and thinking "what's the point?" Suicidal? No. But profoundly unhappy, deeply unwell. I become someone else--or something else: a stone, a fly on the wall, one half of an empty shell.

 

When I was a teenager I experiened disassociation. And panic attacks. I slowly--without the help of psychiatry or drugs of any kind--got through it. Went on to live a fairly normal life.

 

I know that the worst that withdrawal can be are those moments when I feel that the dire moment I'm experiencing is never going to go away. I'm in that moment now. 

 

I know that tomorrow I'll feel just a little bit better, but I'm not convinced of it.

 

I've certainly come through the worst of withdrawal, but I'm beginning to sense that I may never return to the somewhat happy, though irritable, person I was before I started taking the drug. So, I'm scared I'm not getting better.

 

It's been three years since I took my last dose of Celexa. Does withdrawal ever end? (Please, you old timers: chime in. Send me a private message if needed.)

 

Let me be clear: I did not feel this way during my twenties, thirties, forties, and most of my fifties, and what I'm experiencing now was never as bad back in my teen years as it is now. So what gives?

 

Anyway: If you're still reading this, let me bend your ear a little more with a story that might be interesting to you, one that has something to say about why I'm feeling particularly upset now. I retired five years ago; I was a teacher. One of my colleagues was taking an SSRI and we talked about my taper at the time of my retirement; he knew that I was going through a hard time and that my decision to retire early was in part caused by my taper. He said back then that he should probably taper himself since at the time we talked he said he didn't feel he was getting much out of the drug (he'd been taking it routinely for over twenty years). When he called me the other day, I hadn't spoken to him in a few years. He said that he was tapering and that he wanted some advice. After he told me what his experiences had been so far, I told him that, frankly, I didn't have much to offer, because his experiences so far had been so different from mine. He had been on 20 mg of Celexa (the one I tapered off of) and he had dropped to 10 mg overnight and had continued to take 10 mg for about a year until fairly recently. He said that the only side effects he could remember from that first drop was a slight feeling of dizziness and a feeling that he suspected was like a panic attack, one where he said he only felt it in the body--the effects were not psychological. He's had dizziness and an occasional "weird" sweating at night, itching, and a muscle tension in his neck. 

 

About two months ago he dropped again from 10 mg to 5 mg. And that so far he's felt only a little "doomy" at times, and a bit dizzy, but that otherwise he was feeling okay--good, even. He says that he wants to take about six months or so to taper from 5 mg to zero (just to be on the safe side) and that he's going to use liquid Celexa to drop in six equal amounts until he stops. I wished him luck.

 

Those are big drops!

 

I told him that if I had dropped from 10 to 5 overnight I would have ended up in the hospital. I said that what he was experiencing was not what I had experienced. I reminded him of some of my symptoms back in the day, and he said that he'd remembered what I had felt and was worried that he would, too. But, no; he's experienced very little of what I went through in withdrawal. I said to him, "Hey, Joe, you could help me. What is it about you that makes your taper much easier than what I've experienced?" We're both clueless. He's going to let me know in the next several months how he's doing, and I sense he'll be just fine. He'll get to zero, will feel a bit "whoozy" but otherwise he'll be off the stuff without much suffering. I'm happy for him. And a bit sad that I continue to suffer.

 

I know that there are folks who can get off these drugs reltatively easily, but I don't understand why. I don't keep up with the research anymore. I suspect (like others) that DNA has a lot to do with it. 

 

To borrow a metaphor from the world of Covid: I think I'm a "long-hauler" when it comes to SSRI withdrawal. But maybe not. Maybe it's my own expectations here that are getting in my way of my understanding my situation. Shouldn't I have reached homeostasis by now, after three years? I think to myself. Perhaps I should be thinking that five or even ten years.

 

On a more positive note: my gut seems to be working very well now. And my metabolism of food seems very, very good.  I'd had a horrible cycling of diarrhea and constipation (sorry, I know: tmi) (probably irritable bowel syndrome) and I had intense pain in my pelvic region--for years. That has mostly gone away. I had a diagnosis of non-alcoholic fatty liver disease late last year; ultra-sounds showed scarring on my liver. I think it's the result of eating too much. I also think it's because my SSRI's negatively effected my liver. I don't know for sure. When I got my diagnosis I began eating nothing but veggies and fruits. Basically vegan. And I did that for a few months. What happened was profound: I lost 17 pounds in a few days. Weirdly, all the exercise I'd been doing over the last five years had never lowered my weight below about 190. Now, I'm 172. (At my heaviest while taking Celexa I was 220.)

 

Thank you for reading this! And I hope you're having a better day than I am. Be and go well!

 

I had tried and failed to stop Paxil several times (though never using a long, slow taper) and thought Celexa might be easier, so I shifted to Celexa in 2012. In August of 2014 I began a serious tapered withdrawal from Celexa (20 mg.), making monthly drops, mostly 10% of the last dose, sometimes more, sometimes less.  In July of 2016 I took an early retirement at 59 in large part because of my intense withdrawal  symptoms.

 

Three years and eight months after beginning my taper, I stopped taking Celexa on 5/12/18.

 

I am currently in recovery and I am very slowly getting better. I still have waves and some are quite bad. But overall the trend is toward healing.

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mdwstrx

Hi @myndfull

Sounds like you're struggling and need reassurance. I can say for sure that things change. You know this. 😌 The challenge is to learn

to cope until change happens. Remember our thoughts are not us. I posted this link to another thread - as an example of the

content on Headspace that helped me so much to stay grounded. Practicing mindfulness and clinging to my faith has helped me overcome

so much. 

 

On 5/15/2021 at 1:51 PM, myndfull said:

I'm looking for a therapist, a psychologist, with experience treating patients in withdrawal--either that or someone who is aware of the issues that we face. I've found some names in a search here, and I've searched Google, but what I really want is a rec from someone who has either experienced the care of a good therapist themselves or from someone who has heard of a good therapist who's "woke" to our problems.

Dr. Shipko lives south of you, closer to the LA area. He was responsive to me when I emailed him a few years back. He may know of someone

he can refer you to.

 

md

🌼

2002 Escitalopram 10 mg

2018 2.5 mg - stopped by Dr./Reinstated, up-dosed to 7.5 mg

04/19 Began BM slide

CURRENT 0.96 mg 🌼

 

"If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth."

Mark 9:23

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myndfull

Hi, md

 

Hope you're better and continuing to get so.

 

Yes, as you say, I "know this." It's in our lowest moments when we send out a cry for help. And I did. Thank you for your kind words.

 

Last week I had another "settling" and now I'm even closer to normal (don't like that word, but most folks in withdrawal will know what I mean when I use it). Withdrawal will swing back and bite me again, I'm sure, but each time it does it's a bit easier to take. 

 

I found a psych doc through an unlikely source and will see her in early June down in Silicon Valley. Withdrawal is mostly in my past now, but I'm struggling to figure out the flood of emotions that have returned to me as a result of getting off Celexa/Paxil. She's familiar with ssri withdrawal syndrome and works with older patients who are going through what she calls a "life review" (something common to folks in their early sixties.)

 

I don't think this site has much to offer me anymore. It was a lifeline at one point, and I'm grateful that it exists. I doubt, though, that I'll be returning. 

 

For anyone in the throes of withdrawal: post-jump is when you'll begin to heal, to recover. But know this: it might take years. And more years. Before you feel truly well again. Be patient--as md says--and be kind to yourself. 

 

Myndfull

 

I had tried and failed to stop Paxil several times (though never using a long, slow taper) and thought Celexa might be easier, so I shifted to Celexa in 2012. In August of 2014 I began a serious tapered withdrawal from Celexa (20 mg.), making monthly drops, mostly 10% of the last dose, sometimes more, sometimes less.  In July of 2016 I took an early retirement at 59 in large part because of my intense withdrawal  symptoms.

 

Three years and eight months after beginning my taper, I stopped taking Celexa on 5/12/18.

 

I am currently in recovery and I am very slowly getting better. I still have waves and some are quite bad. But overall the trend is toward healing.

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cathnz
19 hours ago, myndfull said:

Hi, md

 

Hope you're better and continuing to get so.

 

Yes, as you say, I "know this." It's in our lowest moments when we send out a cry for help. And I did. Thank you for your kind words.

 

Last week I had another "settling" and now I'm even closer to normal (don't like that word, but most folks in withdrawal will know what I mean when I use it). Withdrawal will swing back and bite me again, I'm sure, but each time it does it's a bit easier to take. 

 

I found a psych doc through an unlikely source and will see her in early June down in Silicon Valley. Withdrawal is mostly in my past now, but I'm struggling to figure out the flood of emotions that have returned to me as a result of getting off Celexa/Paxil. She's familiar with ssri withdrawal syndrome and works with older patients who are going through what she calls a "life review" (something common to folks in their early sixties.)

 

I don't think this site has much to offer me anymore. It was a lifeline at one point, and I'm grateful that it exists. I doubt, though, that I'll be returning. 

 

For anyone in the throes of withdrawal: post-jump is when you'll begin to heal, to recover. But know this: it might take years. And more years. Before you feel truly well again. Be patient--as md says--and be kind to yourself. 

 

Myndfull

@myndfull could you share the name of the person you have found? 

 

Aug 2004 - Dec 2006: Aropax ( 20mg - 30mg). Aug 2007: Fluoxetine (for 3 weeks).

Sept 07 - July 12: Lexapro ( 10mg - 20mg). Pooped out July 12. Titrated down off Lexapro over 3 weeks and switched to Paroxetine (with Xanax to cover switch for 2 weeks).

Aug 2012 - Aug 2019: Paroxetine (titrated up to 20mg in first few weeks,, dose reduced to 15mg . for 7 years until it 'pooped out'.

4th Aug 2019 - Reduced dose of paroxetine to 10mg (for 1 day) - under phychiatrists directions. Last dose of paroxetine.

5th Aug 2019 - Switch to 15mg Mirtazapine.

5th Aug - 15th Aug 2019 - 15mg Mirtazapine plus intermitent use of Lorazapm (0.25- 0.5 . Also used 12.5mg Quetiapine for 3 nights for sleep.

23rd Aug 2019 - Ended up in crisis team. Mirtazapine increased to 30mg. Diazapam 10mg twice daily.

30th Aug 2019 - Mirtazapine 30mg + Diazapam reduced to 7.5mg twice daily

6th Sept 2019 - Mirtazapine 30mg + Diazapam reduced to 5mg twice daily

13th Sept 2019 - Mirtazapine increased to 45mg. Diazapam increased back up to 10mg twice daily.

20th Sept - 29th Sept 2019: Mirtazapine 45mg. Diazapam being reduced from 10mg down to 0mg this week (in 2mg increments couple of days).

30th Sept - Thursday 3rd Oct 2019: Mirtazapine 45mg. WORST ANXIETY EVER. Akathisia. Couldn't stay still. Suicidal idealization.

Friday 4th October - present: Reduced from 45mg to 30mg (straight drop to alleviate akathisia - reduction definitely helped alot but still not gone completely)

 

 

, Vit B6, Curcumin, Magnesium (no adverse effects from adding these supplements - have helped akathisia somewhat).

* Everything done from 23rd August under care of outpatient crisis team management.

 

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