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clarknova
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I'm not doing well, and I am trying to get a feel for where I am in the scheme of withdrawal. My mind keeps saying I'm falling back into depression and I should get back on medication.

 

I am a year out after a fast taper (2 months from 10 mg Cipralex to 0 mg). After 6 months I had a wave of extreme muscle pain all throughout my body. After 2 months it passed and I was okay for 3 months. Then, after stress at work, I had a month of muscle pain again. It passed, but it turned into what I'm going through now...

 

Extreme depression, extreme anxiety, extreme sadness, then relief. These cycles are somewhat random, but each last around 5-6 hours. This has been going on for about two weeks and I'm praying it's a wave and will pass, but the last few days it seems to be getting worse. I'm terrified of ending up back where I was 4 years ago - not working and living with my mom. 

 

Paradoxically my gut is doing better than in a long time (Is my body sending my reduced reservoir of serotonin to my gut instead of my brain?), and I'm actually sleeping pretty well.

 

This is all amplified, I'm guessing, by the fact that I just moved apartments and I am starting a new job in two weeks. I feel everything is in total limbo and I'm reaching out desperately for some sort of safe footing.

 

I'm desperate to hear someone say this is all familiar territory and even some tiny educated guess about how long this wave will last (I know, I know, it's different for everyone...). 

 

Any input is appreciated.

Medication free since september 2018

 

2004 - 2007 - 10 mg Cipralex

2010 - 2014 - 10 mg Cipralex

2015 - April 2018 - 10 mg Cipralex. FT.

June 2018 - September 2018 - 10 mg Cipralex. FT.

 

Occasional Oxazepam when anxiety gets too bad.

Supp: Omega 3 fish oil, 350mg Magnesium

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Hi @clarknova

1 year off well done. I’m like you FT/CT

10 months. Hang on in there. Remember waves are times of healing and the fact that you do get some relief is wonderful. Yes it’s familiar and very common. For me stressors bring on massive waves. Not being able to manage stress is so typical of withdrawal. You are going through two of the most generic stressful, life events,  moving and new job. Adding withdrawal to this must be contributing to your big wave.  All I can say is hang on in there, be as kind and as gentle on yourself as you possibly can. If there is anyone who can help you, reach out. What you’re going through is a challenge for anyone, let alone someone in the midst of withdrawal. 

Remember that you are one year in on your healing journey.

Take care thinking of you Kx

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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Thank you, Katy, for your comforting words. 

 

You're right, my circumstances are stressors for everyone, and my CNS is not in a good place to deal with it. What was I thinking? Getting a new place and a new job? Insane. I'm even getting a new doctor, just to add to the load. I should have stuck with my old ignorant one for the time being. It's hard when you think you're doing pretty well and allow changes to happen. Then withdrawal comes in and slaps you in the face.

 

I'm trying to take it easy. Seeing friends helps a lot, especially the ones I can talk to about this. But I am single, and sometimes I get horribly lonely. I have a cat, which helps a lot. Autumn is pretty harsh here in Oslo, darkness and constant rain. I'm thinking I should get a therapy lamp.

 

Thank you again, Katy. How are you doing?

Medication free since september 2018

 

2004 - 2007 - 10 mg Cipralex

2010 - 2014 - 10 mg Cipralex

2015 - April 2018 - 10 mg Cipralex. FT.

June 2018 - September 2018 - 10 mg Cipralex. FT.

 

Occasional Oxazepam when anxiety gets too bad.

Supp: Omega 3 fish oil, 350mg Magnesium

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  • 4 months later...
On 10/19/2019 at 7:23 AM, Katy398 said:

Hi @clarknova

1 year off well done. I’m like you FT/CT

10 months. Hang on in there. Remember waves are times of healing and the fact that you do get some relief is wonderful. Yes it’s familiar and very common. For me stressors bring on massive waves. Not being able to manage stress is so typical of withdrawal. You are going through two of the most generic stressful, life events,  moving and new job. Adding withdrawal to this must be contributing to your big wave.  All I can say is hang on in there, be as kind and as gentle on yourself as you possibly can. If there is anyone who can help you, reach out. What you’re going through is a challenge for anyone, let alone someone in the midst of withdrawal. 

Remember that you are one year in on your healing journey.

Take care thinking of you Kx

 

Stress triggering big waves? - yes, I can totally relate to this.

 

I'm in "that" place now.

 

On 10/19/2019 at 7:23 AM, Katy398 said:

Hi @clarknova

1 year off well done. I’m like you FT/CT

10 months. Hang on in there. Remember waves are times of healing and the fact that you do get some relief is wonderful. Yes it’s familiar and very common. For me stressors bring on massive waves. Not being able to manage stress is so typical of withdrawal. You are going through two of the most generic stressful, life events,  moving and new job. Adding withdrawal to this must be contributing to your big wave.  All I can say is hang on in there, be as kind and as gentle on yourself as you possibly can. If there is anyone who can help you, reach out. What you’re going through is a challenge for anyone, let alone someone in the midst of withdrawal. 

Remember that you are one year in on your healing journey.

Take care thinking of you Kx

 

Stress triggering big waves? - yes, I can totally relate to this.

 

I'm in "that" place now.

 

Dose History: 19 Feb 2014 - Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms faded. Held at this dose and experienced "windows and waves". 12 Oct 2017 Reduced dose to 1.25mg. 13 Mar 2018 Reduced dose to 0.625mg (approx.). 16 April 2018 0mg. Windows and waves triggered by stress (IBS/reflux, headaches, sinus issues) Aug 2019 Mirena coil fitted 6 Jan 2020 MAJOR Wave hit 19 months following last dose (protracted WD).  Symptoms listed below Mar 2020 Mirena coil removal.

Therapy: Nov 15th 2016 Re-started therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT Dec 2017 Started listening to Hypnotherapy CD (self-esteem). Nov 2019 Started couples therapy.

Supplements: "Bioglan" Biotic Balance Ultimate Flora 10 billion CFU, live Bacteria, Probiotic, suitable for Vegetarians, with Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Bifidobacterium Longum"Pukka" Vitalise a unique blend of 30 energising botanicals.

Diet: 16 April 2018 Detox cleanse / anti-candida for 90 days. Jan 2020 Started "small plate" diet (i.e child size portions).

Exercise: Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spinning, Elliptical/upper body workout, walking.

Medical Test Results: 4 Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 24 Feb 2017 Started weight loss program 24 Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment + anti-Candida diet started due to suspected Candida Related Complex (CRC). DETOXED for 7 weeks to "re-set" gut. April 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Comprehensive Stool Analysis NEGATIVE; Full Blood Count (Normal) / Blood Cholesterol: 5.6 (Borderline) / Blood Sugar (Normal) / 28 Jun 2017 FSH 8.2 / 14 Nov 2017 FSH 17.7 Dec 2017 Blood Cholesterol: 3.9 (Normal) / Kidney Function (Normal) / Blood Sugar (Normal). December 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Food panel allergy (bloodwork) analysis - a few "VERY LOW/VL" allergens; Mar 2018 "Genova Diagnostics" SIBO urine analysis: High Level of Yeast/fungal markers found in small intestine but NO SIBO.  April 2018 Thyroid (Normal) / Full Blood Count (Normal) / FSH (Normal). 16 April 2018 Started anti-Candida diet - 3 month protocol.   25 March 2020 All test results "Normal". CRP" 5 mg/L (normal range to 0-5 mg/L).

Symptoms:  Flu-like symptoms, anxiety, anhedonia, sinus headaches right-side (severe), IBS issues/reflux (severe)**, tinnitus, fatigue, inner tremor, nausea, chills/hot flushes, pounding heart, muscular issues including stiff left hip flexor, intense anger, PSSD (ongoing).  **Histhamine intolerance (suspected).

Major Life Events: 

Re-located to UK from Canada: Jan 2016

My father died: 5:05pm, Monday 5 Feb 2018 Last Lexapro dose: 16 April 2018 (its now been over a year since I quit ADs)  Moved house: Friday 23rd February 2018  "Divorced" toxic Mother: Monday 26 March 2018 Starting working again: 19 November 2018  Diagnosed with: 5th August 2021 PTSD/C-PTSD Diagnosed with: March 2022 Interstitial Cystitis (IC)/Painful bladder syndrome

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