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Icip

Icip: Has anyone with these symptoms had them improve, or completely go away?

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mstimc
14 minutes ago, Icip said:

I didn’t think I could make myself feel so bad through worrying alone.

 

Icip, as someone with high-functioning OCD, I know the feeling.  Every time I go to the grocery store, even though I wear gloves and a mask as required, I'm always afraid I touched something contaminated and then touched my nose or eyes, or transfered the virus from my gloves to the groceries.  I tell myself its the nature of OCD to create worry and the thoughts will pass with time.  I also practice reality checking to minimize the thoughts.  For me to catch the virus, I would have to touch something that was handled by someone who was contagious, then I I'd need to rub my nose or mouth and transfer the virus to my respiratory system, etc. etc.  The odds of any one of those things is pretty extreme, and if that happened a lot, many more people would be sick.  

 

Its the same with lead.  If I remember my environmental biology classes correctly, you have to be exposed for a prolonged period at a significant level, and you have to ingest it.  I remember reading the Romans lined their aqueducts with lead to keep them from leaking, and it took generations of exposure to theoretically cause problems.  Paint with lead in it was common in the US until the early 1970's, and it was dangerous for small children who picked pieces of peeling paint and put them in their mouths.  I worked in my dad's service station for about three years and was around lead in the form of wheel weights used to balance wheels after we installed new tires.  It doesn't just "evaporate" and get in the air and it doesn't "rub off." 

 

When I obsess over something, I try to remind myself its not the thing itself but my OCD-driven thought patterns that are causing the problem.  I practice OCD to manage the intrusive thinking and that helps me maintain my perspective.

 

The thoughts will decrease as you recover.  

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Icip

@mstimc,

 

Thank you for writing that, I’ve tried to console with family members, my Dad said, “most pipes are still lead, you ingest it every day”, this didn’t help me too much. Reading that has calmed me down. Did your OCD worsen during withdrawal? I’ve found that many of my compulsions have gone, I don’t really have the motivation to perform any rituals that I used to - not eating breakfast would make me so anxious; I hardly eat during the day now - I kind of want it all to come back.

 

I’ve tried telling myself what you’ve said, but it’s hard to believe my own thoughts so again, thank you. Just have to hope that everything calms down up there now!

 

I had therapy for intrusive thoughts, mainly around relationships - I still struggle with the health side of things. Have you read any books about OCD? Self-help books have never appealed to me, but a lot of people I know with the ‘disorder’ have said that they’ve helped

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mstimc
Posted (edited)
11 hours ago, Icip said:

I didn’t think I could make myself feel so bad through worrying alone.

 

Hi Icip

Yes, a book that helped me a lot is "Everyday Mindfulness for OCD": https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06XGRB72W/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_d_asin_title_o07?ie=UTF8&psc=1.  very practical and easy to understand.  Your dad was half-right: the pipes aren't lead but the solder that joins them used to be made with lead until about 30 years ago.  And we're not all dead or insane, so it can't be all that bad.

 

My OCD was pretty bad during WD--constant negative thinking and, like you, guilt for past mistakes.  I learned its what we do with our future that's important, not what's in the past.  Don't beat yourself up.  Anxiety, WD and OCD tend to magnify the slightest error, and 99 percent of the time, the terrible thing you think you did has faded from everyone's memory but yours.  

 

 

 

Edited by mstimc

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KenA

@Icip

So let's see, when I started out after a couple of months I was suffering pretty badly most every day from w/d symptoms. Tinnitus, eye strain and vision changes, nausea, constipation, diarrhea, muscle cramps & spasms, deep dark depression with suicidal thoughts and intrusive thoughts, panic attacks and anxiety attacks, heart palpatations and chest pain, restlessness and agitation, memory problems, cog fog and concentration issues, dp/dr, mood swings, insomnia, sweats and chills, lightheaded and dizzyness, headaches and just some of the most random off the wall things you can think off. The things that have gone are the nausea and intestinal issues, muscle cramps and spasms, heart palps and chest pain, and most of the headaches. I still have the rest of the symptoms but they have greatly reduced in intensity!! When I first started this, the first few months were probably an 8 or 9 on a scale of 1-10. Now days they are mostly 3-4 with some days being 1 or 2. I have a lot more windows of peace now than when I first started out as well. Def still have bad days where I feel rocked and kicked down, but they are getting to be less in intensity and easier to deal with. I still have the insomnia but when it started I would maybe be able to sleep 1-2 hours without waking up multiple times a night. Now I sleep 5-6 per night straight!! So it has def gotten better!! Yeah, the St. Johns is def an anti depressant but most people will say it's not because it's herbal and sold in the vitamin isle. I wish I had never touched the stuff!!! From the research I've done I found out it is an MAOI which is the same thing as an anti depressant!! I def am still going through the daily struggle as well, but I can tell you for sure, that it does get better!! My days have become so much easier than they were, not sure if it's just that I'm getting better or I've learned to accept and deal with it better, but either way I'm def not suffering like I was. 

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Icip

@mstimc,

 

Thank you for the recommendation, I’ll look into it!

Right now I’m trying to reduce any stressors, I got wood dust in my face from my Dad’s van yesterday + it freaked me out. It’s getting quite bad - a lot worse than when I was feeling worse!

 

May I ask how your cognition is? I can think, but it doesn’t feel as ‘strongly’ as I could before, like the voice in my head isn’t as loud - this may be a chronic fatigue thing, but it worries me.

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Icip

@KenA,

 

Similar to me in your symptoms then! Are you functional day to day? I found that for so long I didn’t feel alive, nor real.

Heart palpitations went for me quite early-on, then my heart stopped beating as hard; it’s close to normality now.

 

If you want to talk about anything, or discuss symptoms further, please private message me!

 

Icip.

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mstimc
1 hour ago, Icip said:

@mstimc,

 

May I ask how your cognition is? I can think, but it doesn’t feel as ‘strongly’ as I could before, like the voice in my head isn’t as loud - this may be a chronic fatigue thing, but it worries me.

 

My cognition is fine.  During WD and recovery I struggled but I was able to regain all my cognitive abilities as I improved.  Fatigue definitely reduces cognition--that's why you shouldn't drive when you're tired.

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Icip

Update:

I’ve been all over the place for the past two weeks, I’ve worsened this through excessive worrying, as well as some which have come as part of the reaction. I’m tired, don’t feel much joy right now + am quite depressed.

I can feel myself becoming more human/normal every day, I’m just now a depressed, emotionless, sad, foggy headed, + staticy visioned human.
 

I just have to keep telling myself that I will get better, and that it isn’t damage.

 

Praying for everyone in need here,

 

Icip.

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mstimc

I think what you're experiencing is all part of the maddening, frustrating, but ultimately incredibly rewarding recovery process.  Your nervous system was hyper-excited for so long, now its now swung the other way a bit, blunting your emotions and energy.  Its like a pendulum; eventually the arc will become increasingly less extreme and you'll feel more balanced.  You really are making progress!

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