Icip: Has anyone with these symptoms had them improve, or completely go away?

[Icip]

Hello all,

 

I’ve spent the past few months wallowing deeper and deeper into a state of lunacy, doing some rather questionable things out of desperation, and confusion on my part. As has been mentioned above, and suggested to me, because of anxiety - which now I’m in a better position, and feeling rather relaxed; it was causal.

 

I’ve noticed I’m so much more sensitive to the semantic effects of anxiety, any little bug sends me into a lightheaded, baseless, and sorry state, which i can only escape after finding my ground, or stability again. I had this to an extent pre-reaction, suffering mania when something causes instability, this just feels a little more extreme, whether that’s worsened due to my circumstances worsening, or because I’m just so sensitive to everything. I’m looking forward for the economy opening up, so i can seek therapy to talk through the past year n a bit of my life. My past relationship was abusive + went on through the worst of my reaction, and beyond. I’m at a crossroads now, with a lot of trauma on my plate, increased sensitivity, and my ongoing eyesight problems.

 

Not yet, but in the future, I’m open to trying anticonvulsants to see if they benefit my eyesight at all - it will hopefully help me to gage whether the HPPD/Visual Snow Syndrome is damage, or a dysregulation of my thalamus. If the latter, medication should help. The static doesn’t bother me, just the residual disconnect i feel from the world around me, and people who I’d otherwise wish not to feel so numb around. My ex girlfriend was born with Visual Snow Syndrome, i was the one that told her of it, after she said that she sees static too, claiming it to be normal. She would complain of feeling stuck in a bubble, and disconnected - it really does feel like I’ve inherited all of her problems, despite giving myself my vision.

 

I feel good, scared, unsure, but confident in my future again, and confident by myself. I’m looking forward to the future. I think I’ve healed from my reaction, other than the static which alone causes a lot of cognitive issues.

 

I’ll keep posting in relation to my Visual Snow Syndrome, as there are very few instances of people claiming recovery on here, or really at all over the internet. Only a few crumbs of hope. But in the meantime, thank you to everyone who has supported me through this past year; it’s been hard, but far from the worst year of my life - I’ve learned a lot about myself, and learned a lot about loving my family, my friends, and loving the raw, and unabstracted essence of life - small things, like the smell of coffee in the morning, walks, how privileged i am to be at university, surrounded by knowledge, literature, and university tutors for me to look up to. I’m getting a little emotional heh, i love life, I’m still learning to love it as much as i did before my adverse reaction. But i am doing, and it’s not impossible. life is achievable, you can all get there again, and reach yourself; it’s long, but so worth it. Quite beautiful really, it’s all waiting there, you just have to wait till the elevator gets there.

 

Take care all, and again,

thank you,

 

Reubin (ICIP).

[mstimc]

23 minutes ago, Icip said:

small things, like the smell of coffee in the morning, walks, how privileged i am to be at university, surrounded by knowledge, literature, and university tutors for me to look up to. I’m getting a little emotional heh, i love life, I’m still learning to love it as much as i did before my adverse reaction. But i am doing, and it’s not impossible. life is achievable, you can all get there again, and reach yourself; it’s long, but so worth it. Quite beautiful really, it’s all waiting there, you just have to wait till the elevator gets there.

What a great message of hope and resilience, ICIP!  I, too, realized the importance of small things as I went through recovery.  I'm a lot more empathetic to other people who are hurting.  And I've learned we can't depend on external circumstances for our happiness--that has to come from within.  I think this experience, as horrific as it is while we're going through it, makes us much wiser and stronger, and more able to deal with the situations life throws as us.  You're on the right path!

[Icip]

Helloooo everyone, or whom hovers through my thread,

 

Very happy to report, I’m doing okay, i have lingering DP/DR, and brain fog, the eyesight stuff which doesn’t bother me anymore, though, other than that, I’m fine - I’d say I’m healed. Obviously not as much as i can be, and i expect the brain fog to dissipate over the next few years, as well as rate of mental processing which has ostensibly slowed since my reaction. But I’m good, happy, I can drink alcohol again (in moderation just to be safe, i do get two day hangovers now which aren’t fun), i drink coffee in moderation (too much and the dip/dr gets worse). So yeah, I feel like a university student again, i feel human, i feel like one with my friends, i can feel life, appreciate the world, and just get on with my business. Am i perfect? No. Do i want to live, get up and get on with things as i would pre-reaction? Yes. Do i notice my symptoms? The DP/DR yes, all the time, but people get that without having had a toxic reaction to medication; it’s normal. My anxiety, and ocd is still there - but at a nice baseline which I’d experience before my reaction, i still feel my emotions returning to normal, such as having appropriate emotional reaction to certain (often sad) stimuli. DP/DR does come with a degree of emotional mulling, which i can live with as much as i used to enjoy a long cry, which i still do, it’s just not as often!

 

I still feel a bit broken, but no more than the next person suffering with eyesight stuff, and DP/DR, which in itself comes as apart of Visual Snow Syndrome/HPPD.

 

I still have days where i can’t get out of bed, though mostly fuelled by a very toxic relationship i stayed in throughout my illness. I have days, and often spurs of suicidiality; though again, not by design of my reaction. Stuff gets better, people heal, everyone will reach homeostasis on here at one point or another - just within your own timeframe, and on your own terms. I’ll make a recovered post at some point, i don’t want to yet as I’m still afflicted with a fair few problems, and personally i didn’t like reading, when horribly unwell, that people had only recovered mentally, which is great, and amazing in itself, and where I’m at right now - i just wanted to hear that the physical stuff got better, which i think will happen too. I just don’t want to celebrate prematurely, as it would be nice to tell people that everything gets better - and if it doesn’t; i will say that.

 

Thank you everyone, I’ll of course stay on the site, reply, give updates about things, such as an upcoming neurology appointment that i have, and I’m getting glasses soon to fix the astigmatism i got from all of this - i tried them on today, my vision was for the first time in now literal years, crystal clear!!! I’ll reply to my inboxed messages over the next few days too, sorry for being absent in replying.

 

TLDR: I’m great, afflicted, though life is moving on; I’m no longer stuck - so it’s nice to be able to move forward again, when everyone else is as we ease/plunge out of lockdown. I hope everyone is doing okay in that regard, especially if you’re from a part of the world which is reentering harsh restrictions.

 

Best to everyone,

 

Reubin/ICIP.

[KenA]

That is awesome to hear my friend!! I'm almost through this as well I feel we are there and it feels good

[Icip]

Hey @KenA, lovely to hear from you! How are you doing? Great to see that you’re a mentor, have you had much time for it? I’ve been thinking a lot, about the commitment it must take, to have healed, yet to come back and help others through this. Thank you though:) It feels nice, like a weight off of my shoulders - sometimes when it hits me that I’m actually pretty okay, it’s so easy to get emotional, as it’s just as easy personally to forget everything that I’ve been through. Are you enjoying anything now that you couldn’t before? I find that life becomes more about the moment, like how it was before, rather than being in a constant loop of worry, rumination, and dread.

 

Best,

 

Icip.

[Moonpie]

@Icip  Congratulations! Thank you for coming back  And sharing your healing. It is such an encouragement

[Icip]

@Moonpie, nice to see a fellow dog-repping member! So much of it is acceptance, which i don’t even think is conscious, but much more your brain adapting to changes made, as much, and in tandem with healing. I hope to see your finish-line post soon too, and thank you! Hope you’re doing well, and thank you for stopping by!

 

Icip.

[mstimc]

Wonderful news, Icip!  So glad you're well on the way to healing!  And it means so much to others on the recovery path that you've come back to share your success story.  Each success gives many other hope.  Positive thoughts for continued healing!

 

[Icip]

Thank you @mstimc, I really hope you’re doing well

[Icip]

I’m not sure how much I mentioned this in my previous post, but, the only thing that bothers me anymore is the depersonalisation/derealisation. It has a baseline of which I can cope, but the disconnect I feel from friends, and myself is getting a little too much.

I feel insane, I do stupid things without thinking as nothing seems real, I struggle to feel emotion in the moment/I feel numb.

 

I have accepted it as yes, people get this normally, but a few weeks ago one of my friends that I’ve had for two years said they liked me in a romantic sense - I could talk to them normally, as normally as I can muster right now before. But as much as yeah, they’re intelligent, beautiful, and funny, worrying about saying the right thing just made the disconnect worse; I really couldn’t talk to them. I have racing thoughts constantly, I feel insane. As much as it’s anxiety - I feel disconnected from it, which helps it to consume me.

I did just want to get this off of my chest, the girl I really liked said I overwhelmed her, and now she’s not my friend at all. It certainly wasn’t all my fault as there were other things on her side which were iffy, but it still stands that I played my part in it, and if I felt in atleast a little bit more like myself, and like I’m in the drivers seat of my brain, and less a passenger to my alcoholic, speeding Father, maybe I could have done better.

 

This has been a long intro to: I had a reaction to sertraline/Zoloft, I’ve taken citalopram/Celexa before with no problems (before my reaction). What is the general consensus/advice on taking medication after having an adverse reaction to a different kind

 

The last thing I want to do is to take medication, I certainly wouldn’t be on it long term - I’m just at my wits end, I feel like I’ve ruined so much by feeling so trapped, and not myself, I really just want to feel myself, to feel my surroundings, and to be able to connect with people

that was my favourite thing in the world before I got ill, feeling other people’s emotions, intimate friendships, you know just that 1-1’ness whether friends, or anything more; a connectedness to my surroundings too. I can’t do any of that anymore, it’s such a horrible feeling, to do so much, and to try my best, and none of it feels real, or like I’m actually really there/alive

 

I’m in a bad mood right now, but even when positive, I share these thoughts. Lamictal is supposed to help with Visual Snow Syndrome, and I’ve read helps with dpdr, and I don’t think is a serotonergenic? Any advice if anyone sees this who has any, would be really appreciated

 

Icip.

[keogh08]

Hi Icip 

 

I follow your journey as I am in a similar situation following and Adverse Reaction september 2019. 

 

I too have lingering DR/DP in fact it's my main symptom. 

 

I understand how frustrating it gets. I too often wonder if I should try some more meds or something different. But then look how far we have come and we could potentially be sprung straight back into the hell of the acute stage. 

 

Keep going this may very well be the last phase of healing for us. 

 

They and remain hopeful and remember how far you have come. Healing will always happen. 

 

Take care

[JesusSavemefromWD]

@Icip @keogh08

like u guys , short term use of Zoloft, almost 11 months since I quit, plethora of symptoms, worst of all is debilitating DpDR and constant fear/panic mode. Would u say u have seen improvements in ur DPDR during the 2 years ur off? Do u think it ll eventually go away with time? I hope and pray for all of us to clear out…. Only people who have experienced severe Dpdr can understand what we are going through on a daily basis 

[keogh08]

Hi @JesusSavemefromWD

 

I can only hope and pray that it goes away with time. 

 

Life cant be like this forever.

[Icip]

Hi @keogh08,

 

Thank you for the words, the urge to try medication has only been growing as I've been recovering from all of the other symptoms. I must say I teared up when I read what you had posted earlier today, thank you. You are right, this may well be the turning point for us. Do you cope very well, how do you find your relationships (platonic et al), if you don't mind me asking. It's frustrating, and I guess I keep falling for the same catch-all marketing that drug companies use, that they fix everything.

 

Thanks Keogh, I hope that you're well, and thank you for posting here

[keogh08]

@Icip I have the thoughts daily about starting meds especially the further away from the acute phase I get. But then I quickly remember how scary it was.

 

My relationship has struggled, of course as I have changed. I have been in a long term relationship for 13 years. I have a young child that depends on me. So I have to cope for her sake. But I will say it is a daily challenge all the fighting in my head. 

 

But I am hopeful that the 2 year mark will be a turning point like it has been for many. 

 

Recently I have been feeling more depressed than usual, but I am using the mantra for taking one day at a time. That is all I can do.

 

This has to get better it just has to, for all of us.

[Icip]

@JesusSavemefromWD,

 

Hi

 

Yes, and no, in regards to improvement - I'm able to rest more now, I feel more in the moment/grounded than even a few months ago. But I have quite bad OCD, which worsens it significantly when I'm having a bad episode. It's never what you want to hear, but you do get used to it, and learn to live with it. Does it bother me when I can't connect with a friend or whoever else, yes, or act in a non-robot way when needing to be in the moment/off the cuff, again, yes. I was really really upset and frustrated last night when making that post, but it does get better, whether that's the condition itself (I can say that a lot of cases I've read here on SA always get better, or even in most cases full recoveries. I got Visual Snow Syndrome from my reaction, which seems to be a little more permanent. But you don't (I think) so there's a good chance that it will get better.

 

Icip.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

@Icip @keogh08

i have the urge to try meds as well, hoping to get me out of this situation that the same meds put me in. I was having a really bad time few weeks on Zoloft but things got 100X worst after I dropped the last 5 mg. So I don’t know what to do anymore… I am not functioning at all…. Can’t even take care of my home and kids. But I agree We have to maintain hope that we will heal with time… @keogh08Do u feel ur DPdr is changing at all or, even slowly? Or I feel stuck at the same level of intensity?
@Icip I didn’t get visual snow but my vision is distorted from quitting Zoloft and I think that’s what makes my DP worst. I ve read about members recovering from visual snow, but takes time, so I hope it resolves for u as well.

[Icip]

Hello all, exciting news;

 

I’ve just been officially diagnosed with VSS/Visual Snow Syndrome. Maybe not exciting, but it feels good to have some part of what happened to me recognised, I didn’t have to fight for a diagnosis as it’s relatively unheard of. The doctor said that he’s seen a lot of people with it.

 

I’ve also tested positive for a strain of Lyme Disease bacterium. I’ll update on how that goes, not that it’s related to withdrawal, but I’m hoping some of my lingering symptoms might be related to that? As much as I doubt it, as false positives are very common on the type of test I was given.

 

Thank you for the words too @JesusSavemefromWD, it does seem like time - my vision was distorted from Zoloft, all soft, grey, dead, and 2D - that’s resolved completely for me. It used to come back when I hadn’t slept, but it’s gone completely now. I hope that helps.
 

Icip.

[Icip]

I’ve also noticed an improvement in my visual symptoms - weirdly after I’d had the pupil dilating drops in my eyes. Maybe something about overstimulation, or activation of my optic nerves - as there are several therapies designed to stimulate those nerves through shapes, colours, and patterns. I might ask my gp about it

[Icip]

Dpdr has lessened A LOT, static is more fine, less shaky, and wavey. Eyes just feel clearer, along with now having glasses

[keogh08]

Really happy for you. Keep going!

[username001]

Hey @Icipi just want to let you know that you aren’t alone with the visual snow, I’ve developed it ever since cold turkeying, along with afterimages and eye floaters. I can’t foresee the visual snow syndrome lasting forever, I say within 5 years it will be nearly gone. Until then we just have to put up with it as it slowly fades away. We weren’t born with it and we didn’t get it from any hardcore drugs. It’s just a time thing 

[username001]

Also I’m not sure whether or not you have eyefloaters but I watched a few videos mentioning that eating pineapple or taking bromelain supplements can help diminish eye floaters because of the enzyme it contains or something like that. I figured it’s worth a try.

[Meeto]

On 9/29/2021 at 1:51 PM, Icip said:

I’ve also noticed an improvement in my visual symptoms - weirdly after I’d had the pupil dilating drops in my eyes. Maybe something about overstimulation, or activation of my optic nerves - as there are several therapies designed to stimulate those nerves through shapes, colours, and patterns. I might ask my gp about it

Hi Icip, did you have any other visual issues with your visual snow?  After images,  light trails, halos etc?

[Icip]

Hi all,

 

Been a rather turbulent past few months, which has brought symptoms to the forefront of my conscious. For @Meetoasking about my eyesight, I have the full visual snow diagnosis, all of those, and more - breathing walls, shaking lines, light overexposure when there’s a bright background.

 

I’ve had pretty bad brain fog for the past month or so, largely from stress I assume, as well as sporadically withdrawing from caffeine/coffee.

 

This might sound like a bit of a stretch, but does anyone know/willing to speculate if being around someone who actively takes the antidepressant that you had a toxic reaction to, would have a negative effect on said person. Fyi as I’ve mentioned a lot here I have ocd, my friend’s girlfriend, as he regrettably told me the other week takes sertraline, and I’ve been stressing over everything she’s touched that I own, or things she might have breathed on etc. again. Brain fog has been bad/I’ve felt a little empty headed, and I can’t help but worry about it.

My old house, which I was only in for a month before moving out (a student home) had a very slight carbon monoxide leak, coming from the neighbours boiler. It was only when they had the heating on, which was rare through the summer, and then, having a CO detector with a display, it only showed 10ppm max, for a couple seconds every fifteen minutes or so when they did have the boiler on. Again, I only ever saw this to or three times whilst living there. I know it’s not had an effect on me, gas hobs produce more CO when two rings are on whilst cooking. My head has just been overwhelmed with worry, which I think makes me a little more spaced out/foggy head worse, which then parallels and worsens it.

 

I’m competent enough mentally now post-reaction, I take beta blockers when I’ve got a social thing coming up to calm my physical anxiety symptoms and they’ve been quite nice actually - as I get anxious over the anxiety symptoms popping up, much rather than any social event itself. Does make me wonder why I ever took antidepressants as BBs have been doing what I wanted antidepressants to do, and they’re far less invasive

 

Again, any ideas or responses to this would help quite a bit. I’m going to try and get therapy in the coming months, I’ve been referred to a psychiatric team post-neurology appointment, and he emphasised avoiding antidepressants, so hopefully that can be constructive absolved of pharma drugs.

 

All I struggle with now: Visual Snow Syndrome, and DP/DR. I find taking in new information difficult, and I’m quite forgetful, my head is foggy almost constantly too which I can live with; it just doesn’t help when I start worrying about brain damage, carbon monoxide in my old house at that very low level, and in short sequences (trying to self-soothe here), or any of the other triggers I have, and have mentioned here in this thread.

Life really is moving on, it’s only really my ocd that holds me back, and I get depressive episodes every now and again. I’m coming out of one now, but whilst in the midst, my brain, and what’s happened to me is all I can think about. When I’m a bit happier, I can report that I’m actually quite happy, and capable.

 

God bless, and thank you all who’ve commented on my thread.

 

Icip.

[ChessieCat]

6 hours ago, Icip said:

This might sound like a bit of a stretch, but does anyone know/willing to speculate if being around someone who actively takes the antidepressant that you had a toxic reaction to, would have a negative effect on said person. Fyi as I’ve mentioned a lot here I have ocd, my friend’s girlfriend, as he regrettably told me the other week takes sertraline, and I’ve been stressing over everything she’s touched that I own, or things she might have breathed on etc. again.

 

It sounds like you need to see an OCD-aware counsellor about this.

[Icip]

Update:

Flare-up/wave of brain fog, to an extent that is probably just as bad as when I first had my reaction. It usually gets worse when I’m stressed - I was semi-homeless (still had a home back home, but not one where I study due to the one I had being borderline inhospitable), but now even homed in my city, I’ve had awful brain fog that’s continued in from this period where I was constantly stressed. I didn’t expect it to disappear overnight, it’s just getting to the point where I do worry whether it’ll go back to how it was before.

The brain fog started after I’d actually had one of the best weeks in years anxiety-wise, i got a little triggered, possibly even ptsd after my reaction as anything that I perceive as being able to affect me negatively neurologically sends me into a huge panic, and had an anxiety attack. Since then it feels like my brain has half shutdown.

 

I would call this a wave I think, but one that’s been brought on by a rather large environmental stressor. If the brain fog would go, I’d be happy as Larry. Dpdr I’ve become used to, it’s just yeah, the brain fog, and empty brain feelings that come with it.

 

I’ve got a lot of uni work due, which I had mitigated but was only mitigated by a month, and chunked together to be due within a week. So yea just a lot being in final year

[keogh08]

I'm really sorry to hear you are still struggling. 

 

I look to your posts for inspiration as we are around the same timeline for adverse reactions.

 

I too still have DP/DR and I am now wondering whether it will ever go...have you found any sucess stories where this does go completely?

 

Wishing you lots more recovery.

[Icip]

Hi @keogh08,

 

Thank you, and likewise reading your comment when I was considering buckling and taking medication, it helped a lot - it feels very lonely sometimes, especially going through this for so long, so i’m equally glad to hear that I can help in some way.

 

I’ve read a few over the past few years, I haven’t really researched my symptoms, nor actively perused the site as this is just ‘life’ now. But I can say that I’ve seen people recover fully, and to a manageable baseline. On a good day I’d say that mine is a ‘manageable baseline’, it’s just when it flares up that I struggle to cope. It just takes time. I did try beta blockers and they helped a lot; they’re not necessarily psychoactive, but calm the nervous system to an extent, and also helped in social situations to calm my nerves about the detached and spaced-out’ness of dpdr. So if you ever feel comfortable, I would recommend them. I don’t think there would be a correlation between antidepressant adverse reactions, and having an adverse reaction to the beta blockers - and an AR to a beta blocker I think would take the form of a rash, or something more physical. This calmed my nerves about trying them - they just made me very dizzy, which is why I limit taking them! Low blood pressure runs in my family though

 

How have you found this winter to be? Im not sure why but I’ve struggled a lot, my moods just seem to be low compared to even the first winter of going through this.

Thank you Keogh, I hope all is well with you, your partner, and your kid. Thank you for posting and replying on here too, it means a lot.

[mstimc]

4 hours ago, Icip said:

I’ve got a lot of uni work due, which I had mitigated but was only mitigated by a month, and chunked together to be due within a week. So yea just a lot being in final year

ICIP, if it helps any, I battled severe anxiety and brain fog during my final comprehensive exams for my Master's degree, and I passed. Maybe part of what you're experiencing is a consequence of the major changes that have happened and are happening in your life.  It doesn't make them any more pleasant, but you know the wave will pass.  Hang in there!

[Maui]

Hi @Icip

Think of you..

[Icip]

@mstimc,

 

What you said helped a lot, just as a little background, "well if he did it for his MASTERS", so thank you. I can only imagine what it must've been like for you, I've been aided in the pandemic forcing our uni to make the work a little more palatable. I got it done anyway; I didn't like it nor my own work, but I felt like it was good enough. How are you doing anyway, are you still in Portugal, and have you made anything recently in your workshop?

 

Icip.

[Icip]

Hi @Maui,

 

Lovely to hear from you, and thank you for stopping by! I hope you and your family are all ok? I went to York, a city just North-East of me the other week as a little break from my work for the first time, as I'd been saying that I wanted to go to myself, and friends since I first started Uni. I'd recommend looking it up online, and at the buildings/architecture, I think you'd like it. All little cobbled narrow streets, exposed wooden-beamed buildings that lean over the roads from gravity pulling them down over the years, and too many little tea rooms/cafés. The entire city is surrounded by castle walls, and I think still has a castle? I'm probably wrong on that, but York Minster is there - a very pretty building. I didn't have much time to explore, and it was very cold, but look it up! It's very much so the stereotype of England, yet the only place in England (sort of) that looks like it.

 

11:45 - York Minster

28:48 - Small streets (I didn't see it whilst there but there's a Harry Potter shop in that lane)

 

Icip.

[Icip]

Little nugget of information here, further to my last post about being at my worst mentally/cognition:

 

I'm weirdly fine, the feeling continued up until around five or so days ago - it was just like something clicked in my mind. From being low, having so little energy, hardly being able to talk to people, to now buzzing mentally, I can chat to people for hours/I have energy to be, and want to be sociable, and I just have this general feeling of wellness, and being alive that I've lacked for years. I've been chitchatty at social events, going out for walks to calm my mind/find headspace, and have motivation for projects, hobbies, and general endeavours like reading! It's been so strange, and I haven't felt anything like this, nor this degree of humanity since first getting ill.

 

I've had a few contrasting thoughts on this since I first noticed it:

 

I always get low/depressed around Christmas, maybe I'm just out of it.

 

- But why then do I feel better than I have ever done through this illness (barring the brain fog, I still have that). I really feel like I could jump off my walls, I'm writing this at 5am in my country. I used to be like this before, I always had energy, my head would never quieten down. I've enjoyed talking to family, I've loved talking to friends, and to new friends, I've not been destructive with my energy in any habits (maybe other than my sleeping pattern/how much I've been spamming friends). I don't know, this level of energy just feels a little unnatural - but then I always did have too much energy to burn off. I used to have to go for runs/a very long walk every single day to be able to sleep at night; I always had racing thoughts at night/was most productive in the later hours.

 

Maybe I'm bipolar.

 

- This has been punting me around a bit: as much as I feel great; it also feels too good? I always used to have energy but I could never remember it feeling like this. Maybe it's just been so long being stuck in a state of almost zombie-like functioning, where I was just happy to crawl over to the next day with minimal stressors, or worries. As I said above I'm still not fantastic mentally, with increased brain fog still present, I still struggle to type, at least to other people as I'm quite enjoying typing this. I still don't know why I took antidepressants, I mean I know what triggered me to want to try them - but I've always had fluctuating moods, just never getting high enough to concern myself until now. Again, it feels like normal, more than abnormal from memory, but just feels so abnormal, and wrong now because I haven't felt it in so long.

 

Maybe it's the two-year wave, and I'm out of it.

 

So yeah! I have absolutely no clue what this is, I'd like to think that I had the two-year wave, where people say they feel better coming out of it; because I do if that's what it was. But it could have just been Seasonal Affective Disorder as I do get that normally, or whatever else. This shift feels too extreme to be just that though, it feels like my mitochondria have turned up the slow-burner to max heat. Best-case scenario is this, I'd feel blessed to still be healing at this point - it does amaze me what our brains are capable of doing, and to know that it's still putting wrongs right is comforting at the very least.

 

DPDR is the same if not a bit worse.

Eyesight is the same if not a bit worse; both have been throughout this.

 

Thank you all, I'll keep this thread updated on what happens next as if this continues into the future, then I've just come out of a wave. If I dip again and go back to square one, I'll stop reporting on this as it's evidently just me being a uni student incapable of being one, who lives alone in a dark, grey, British city (I moved out of my student house as an opportunity came to live alone, and I've always wanted to + it helps me to avoid a lot of stressors inflicted by living amongst other students, so it's been nice).

 

Icip.

[mstimc]

12 hours ago, Icip said:

@mstimc,

 

What you said helped a lot, just as a little background, "well if he did it for his MASTERS", so thank you. I can only imagine what it must've been like for you, I've been aided in the pandemic forcing our uni to make the work a little more palatable. I got it done anyway; I didn't like it nor my own work, but I felt like it was good enough. How are you doing anyway, are you still in Portugal, and have you made anything recently in your workshop?

 

Icip.

 

Hi Icip

 

Thank you so much for letting me know I was able to help.  That means so much!

 

We arrived back in the States in early December and we're still putting our house back together.  Then I can get back to woodworking.

 

My wife and I spent nine weeks travelling northern Europe before we came home.  One of our stops was York.  I think of all the sites we saw, the Minster was the most breathtaking.  And the people there are very friendly!

 

Hope you continue to improve!

[Icip]

Oh wow @mstimc, how does it feel to finally be back? I can imagine a little strange. It is isn't it! It almost seems a bit out of place when walking up to it, all of the small shopping lanes are my favourite!

 

Thank you,

Icip.