Endra: antidepressants

[Endra]

Mine is a long story with Mental illness . I’m not sure if I had mental illness or not. To be short I was put on medications 16 yrs ago with some recovery but I accidentally quit medications after 4 yrs and illness returned in a worser way after exactly 3 months.After trying same combination and multiple trials of other meds some long enough and some not long enough and after suffering for 3 yrs like a totally disabled person one doctor prescribed Aderall and it worked in half hour and became the best I ever was. However it pooped out after 5 months and again my struggle continued for 1.5 yrs where accidentally I hit combination of Lexapro 10 mg, Mirtazapine 30 mg and Armodafinil 37.5 mg which made me a Super man. Becoming a Super human has its drawbacks like a bit of Hypomania and I consulted very experienced Psychiatrusts and they all said I am Bipolar and I refused to believe because I never had Hypomania or Mania ever in my life except this time and I believed it was because the combination of medication was a super charger and kind of upgraded California Rocket fuel. After 4 yrs Eventually I got in to troubles and I decided to wean off and I did successfully but after 5 months at which point I was reasonably normal , to deal a stressful situation I used the same combination and after few days I crashed into deep depression and I just couldn’t function at all and I was alone.After a month I thought it was restarting the meds and so I quit again but to no avail and I consulted doctor and each of them have their own diagnosis and prescribed medications which I couldn’t tolerate and even if I forced myself on them for 2 to 3 weeks I was getting worser and I felt meds are the problem. After more than 20 iterations of starting meds for few weeks and stopping for weeks nothing changed and I was at a point where I believed I cud be TRD or I was not using meds long enough or bipolar.But part of me always thought meds are the issue and so I quit them again but even though nothing resolved my condition was not getting worser and again couple of days ago I tried Ritalin and I became much much better in a an hour or so.while none of the other meds like SSRIs SNRIs TCAs  Mirtazapihe,Trazadone, benzodiazepines and various doses and combinations of the above meds and many more didn’t give me any relief ,Ritalin gave me relief in an hour.I literally don’t know what’s going on and whats my diagnosis or if those meds are the issue.I can’t trust doctors.Pls advice.

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, Endra.  We are a site for helping members taper off psychiatric medications and deal with withdrawal.  

 

What are your symptoms now?

 

Are you on Ritalin now?  If so, what dose and would you like to stop it or get off it?  If you've only been on it for two days, you can simply stop taking it.  Are you on any other psychiatric drugs?

 

We don't put a lot of stock in psychiatric diagnoses as they are arbitrary, vary from doctor to doctor diagnosing the same patient, and are often influenced by what is "in style" at the moment.  

 

On 3/8/2020 at 12:24 AM, Endra said:

but I accidentally quit medications after 4 yrs and illness returned in a worser way after exactly 3 months.

 

When patients stop a medication cold turkey or after a too-fast taper, they suffer withdrawal symptoms.  These very frequently occur, as your did, 3 months after stopping the drug.  You are also likely suffering withdrawal from the many other drugs you were put on and gone off and put on.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

When we take psychiatric medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

 

Doctors don't believe withdrawal exists, so when these symptoms occurs, the call it "return of the disease" and put their patients on another drug and then another, starting the drug merry-go-round, as happened to you when you described whatnhappened to you next with the various drug combinations, which disabled you for three years.  The problem, as you figured out, was not you but the drugs.  Yes, the meds were and are the issue.

 

We strongly recommend using non-drug techniques to deal with life's issues and withdrawal.  Take a look at the links in the following link and see which you think might be helpful to you.

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

These links are helpful for dealing with anxiety.

 

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)
 

CBT Course:  An Introductory Self-Help Course in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy
 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes
 

VIDEO:  Peace from Nervous Suffering - Claire Weekes (1 hour) (http://sendvid.com/vgquc1dg)
 

Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help …

 

10 minute Restorative Yoga for Relaxation | Up the wall

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium (glycinate is a good form) and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.

 

You might be interested in the followings books:

Your Drug may be your Problem by Peter Breggin

Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker.

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

 

 

[Endra]

Gridley!!! Thank you very much for replying. Yes, my goal is for zero medication and basic life functionality.I agree with most of what you mentioned.After so many medication trials with no improvement, the Ritalin 10 MG has done the trick.So, I am not sure what’s wrong with my brain if at all there is something wrong.Ritalin gave me belief for the time being and because of it I don’t need any other medications which is a huge relief for me. I want to get through the withdrawals of the past medications(last 1.5 yrs of trials ) and none of them were longer than for 3weeks).I’m hoping in 4 weeks, I will be ridden of the effects of those medications.At that point if it goes as planned I would be very happy and relieved that I got rid of medications and knowing myself that would be a huge placebo and boost.Im waiting for that day and I will go from there.Currently I take Ritalin 10 mg SR first thing in the morning and today is my 4 th day on it.My day goes by way way better than before.I thought I needed something for sleep but since I have nothing more to loose, I tried without anything. I was able to sleep for around 6 hours 2 days in a row. My sleep consisted of only dreams and they are not bad dreams.Since I was taking Mirtazapine for sleep,these dreams are someway related to its effects. My goal is to sleep well for 7 hours or so with out any sleep medication and see how it goes.Im assuming Ritalin 10 mg once a day is relatively less dangerous than the various cocktails.Please guide me towards my goal and correct me if I’m wrong in my thinking.

[Gridley]

10 hours ago, Endra said:

I want to get through the withdrawals of the past medications(last 1.5 yrs of trials ) and none of them were longer than for 3weeks).I’m hoping in 4 weeks, I will be ridden of the effects of those medications.

The fact that you were on the various drugs less than three weeks is a big advantage, and I hope your withdrawal period is short.

 

It's great that you were able to sleep over 6 hours.  Sleep is very important.  

 

Please keep us updated on how you're doing and how well you're sleeping.

[Endra]

On 3/10/2020 at 7:19 PM, Gridley said:

The fact that you were on the various drugs less than three weeks is a big advantage, and I hope your withdrawal period is short.

 

It's great that you were able to sleep over 6 hours.  Sleep is very important.  

 

Please keep us updated on how you're doing and how well you're sleeping.

Hi Gridley !!! Thank you again ....Sleep is not sleep as it’s just dreams for all the duration of the sleep.....all the dreams are real life incidents....Good thing is my wakeup take is the same everyday and when I get up I don’t feel disturbed at all ...I’m hoping I will get to actual sleep in few days....The important thing is since starting on Ritalin...it not only stimulated me but it artificially stimulated my hunger so keep ch that I feel very uncomfortable and the other thing is I don’t feel like eating but my stomach will be like some rat going around in it ...it’s the opposite reaction to a stimulant....During all these months there was literally no appetite and I had to force myself to feed and stay alive ....also all my life my appetite was never that great ...not sure why Ritalin artificially stimulated my a hunger to the point of unbearableness ....

[Gridley]

Endra,

 

Please be aware that there are long-term dangers to the use of Ritalin.

 

The Safety Myth: Ritalin Addiction Can Produce Long-Term ...

 

 

[Endra]

On 3/12/2020 at 6:31 PM, Gridley said:

Endra,

 

Please be aware that there are long-term dangers to the use of Ritalin.

 

The Safety Myth: Ritalin Addiction Can Produce Long-Term ...

Hi Gridley !!!

It’s been around 10 days on Ritalin in the morning.My sleep is getting better and around 7 hours ( I never thought I would be able to sleep at all).Dreams are slowly reducing and changing from nightmares to just unrelated dreams.My assumed analysis is that I got rid of all antidepressants and sleep medication and withdrawls.I have no idea why my condition is better than before ???? The only thing I did is quit all medications and add Ritalin.During my suffering over the last 1.5 yrs, I have followed the same process which is quit ( of course without Ritalin) but I never improved which always led me back to doctors and medicines.This time, the low dose of the stimulant is helping me to stay confident and not try any other meds.Also, I was smoking like 3 packs a day which I gradually reduced to 1.5 packs a day in around 6 months.Since Ritalin, I don’t feel like smoking and been smoking only like 15 cigs a day.I have no idea what my mental illness is ???? It could be TRD which is responding to Stimulant or Bipolar depression where in Ritalin has turned on some switch.Other thing could I was totally mis managed over all these years and the meds are the reason for my condition.I want to believe the last thing and move on in my life. If I could sustain myself for another 2 weeks or so my brain will build some more placebo and may be then I can start to have some life.With regards to Ritalin, I feel it’s helping and I’m not sure how I would feel if I quit.The only way to find out is skip a day and see.

On 3/12/2020 at 6:31 PM, Gridley said:

 

 

[Gridley]

@Endra

 

I'm glad you're feeling better.  It is of course your decision what to do. 

[Endra]

1 hour ago, Endra said:

It’s been around 10 days on Ritalin in the morning.My sleep is getting better and around 7 hours ( I never thought I would be able to sleep at all).Dreams are slowly reducing and changing from nightmares to just unrelated dreams.My assumed analysis is that I got rid of all antidepressants and sleep medication and withdrawls.I have no idea why my condition is better than before ???? The only thing I did is quit all medications and add Ritalin.During my suffering over the last 1.5 yrs, I have followed the same process which is quit ( of course without Ritalin) but I never improved which always led me back to doctors and medicines.This time, the low dose of the stimulant is helping me to stay confident and not try any other meds.Also, I was smoking like 3 packs a day which I gradually reduced to 1.5 packs a day in around 6 months.Since Ritalin, I don’t feel like smoking and been smoking only like 15 cigs a day.I have no idea what my mental illness is ???? It could be TRD which is responding to Stimulant or Bipolar depression where in Ritalin has turned on some switch.Other thing could I was totally mis managed over all these years and the meds are the reason for my condition.I want to believe the last thing and move on in my life. If I could sustain myself for another 2 weeks or so my brain will build some more placebo and may be then I can start to have some life.With regards to Ritalin, I feel it’s helping and I’m not sure how I would feel if I quit.The only way to find out is skip a day and see.

 

Hi !!! Actually, I don’t have a choice.My experiences taught me there will always be a combination of meds that could give me remission but it’s also guaranteed that the illness will return in a more resistant form.In other words I believe using meds is a guaranteed method of bringing back the illness.Over the years, I have learnt some very tough lessons. There were times in between (2003 to 2018) where I felt very good on medications and I built everything in life only to be wiped out completely when the illness hits back whether it’s by itself or via me quitting meds. My personality on my most recent successful combination of meds ( 2014 to 2018) was partly responsible for loosing my wife who was a great great person. Also, my personality on those meds was responsible for a once in a life time stupid decision which I made.All in all , the way I think at this time is I would be very happy with basic functionality of my brain with out any medicines.I don’t want artificial remission on meds and build my life again only to be wiped out again.I hope you understand where I’m coming from. I am generally a positive person and I believe after the effects of meds go away , there should not be any reason for my brain not to have some basic functionality. After all, I was not born with illness in my brain and I lived until 28 without meds and I want to believe that I can live with out meds.If my blind belief turns out true, I would consider myself to be very very lucky. If its the other way then i would not be  knowing where to go. Any experiences that you were aware of which you can share would be very very inspiring.

[Endra]

27 minutes ago, Gridley said:

@Endra

 

I'm glad you're feeling better.  It is of course your decision what to do. 

Hi Gridley !!! What do you think is going on with me ???? I am not asking you to diagnose me.They say experienced patient is better than a doctor.I feel I have learnt a lot on meds and the effects,changes, side effects, withdrawls etc.Im sure tou would have gained so much knowledge as well and I would like to tap your experience and get your opinion.I looked at your meds cocktail and feel you been in this way longer than myself.Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

[Gridley]

1 hour ago, Endra said:

What do you think is going on with me ????

It looks to me like the Ritalin is helping you at this moment.  No one knows why sometimes these drugs help some people in the

short term.  

 

The book Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker analyses all classes of psychiatric drugs and shows that in the long term people  off the drugs do better than those on them.  I recommend the book.  It really opened by eyes.

 

Anatomy of an Epidemic

 

Robert Whitaker, author Anatomy of an Epidemic video (11 minutes)

 

I do understand where you're coming from and that you'd much prefer to be off drugs.

 

 

 

 

[manymoretodays]

3 hours ago, Endra said:

Hi Gridley !!! What do you think is going on with me ???? I am not asking you to diagnose me.They say experienced patient is better than a doctor.I feel I have learnt a lot on meds and the effects,changes, side effects, withdrawls etc.Im sure tou would have gained so much knowledge as well and I would like to tap your experience and get your opinion.I looked at your meds cocktail and feel you been in this way longer than myself.Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

 

Hey Endra and welcome,

I'm not sure if Gridley mentioned it above:

Also, please put your medication and tapering history in your signature -- that's the information you see at the bottom of someone's post. This will help people understand your situation no matter where you post on the site. See instructions in this topic:

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/18343-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/(Please note that, while your identity is protected by a screen name, your topic can be read by anyone who visits the site, including Google, and do not post sensitive identifying information.)

And no, of course not.....we don't diagnose.  I call it "diagnonsense", and I don't know who coined that term, or used it first.  I like it.

 

  What does TRD stand for?  I saw that in your narrative.

You might be treating previous WD's with new medications, and have WDsyndrome.  That's always something to consider.  Anatomy of an Epidemic is really well researched and written.  You should get a copy and take a look.  That and some other stuff, convinced me, that I could no longer continue down the path(s) and diagnonsense and many more medications.......I just kept getting sicker.  What kind of treatment is that??

 

10 mg of Ritalin, isn't necessarily a very low dose.  I was on Adderal(the generic) after an abrupt WD from Lexapro.  My doctor prescribed 30 mg/day.  I settled on 2.5 mg. 

And we do recommend a taper off Ritalin, just like any psychotropic drug, 10%, based on each previous dose.  If on it for more than a few weeks or month, it's the best way to go, I believe, more harm reduction, than what many prescribers recommend.   And, as I understand now, a lot of nervous system dysregulation, especially with my autonomic nervous system, from previous encounters with drugs/meds, and WD's and switcharoos.  

I couldn't taper my adderal too well, and did more of a jump, and did honestly, struggle with WD symptoms for awhile.  Sometimes that can be avoided with careful, and cautious tapers.  I had a lot of focus and cognitive problems as WD symptoms.  Oh my gosh, and the neuroemotions and some physical symptoms as well.  Much recovered now though.  Very fortunate.  I waited awhile after getting off the adderall, to begin my taper off my last medication, Trileptal.  And am.....so......glad......that is all history now!

 

So anyway......Welcome from me too.  Another experienced peer counselor with patience.   Just a pun.  Patients and patience. 

 

Best, Love, peace, healing, and growth,

moderator manymoretodays(mmt)

 

Edited March 17, 2020 by manymoretodays

[Endra]

I want to provide an update on my journey.After all those meds and lots of suffering I started Ritalin 10 MG and instantly felt better as I mentioned in my previous posts.After trying for around 2 weeks, I felt it’s helping in some aspects but I wasn’t normal. Compared to before I was way better and I gave it a chance if it can make me normal which it didn’t.At this point I felt there is no point in continuing something that isn’t helping completely and risk addiction,withdrawal and other long term consequences of Ritalin use.So, I started withdrawing by using drug holiday.Since I used it for only 2 weeks and that too a low dose I wasn’t worried about withdrawls.Also, using it gave me some better time which made me little disciplined,follow good sleep habits, eating etc.Also, my thought process and beliefs changed a lot.I withdrew completely from it in around 3 weeks using drug holiday method.Not much has changed in my symptoms good or bad.I feel almost the same while I was taking Ritalin and I can sleep ok , eat ok etc.Im definitely not normal though.Im just hoping that I will become reasonably normal in few weeks.I haven’t used Antidepressants in around 2 months.

 

On 3/17/2020 at 9:12 PM, Gridley said: