Sss1618: put on Paxil at 10 years old ...

[Sss1618]

Hello! I’m so glad I found this site. I have been a part of the Facebook community for a while and finally decided that I need yalls expertise. 
I was put on paxil at 10 years old after seeing a friend almost pass away. I was diagnosed separation anxiety and had a really nervous stomach. 
The next 15 years were a lot of ups and downs, the Paxil seemed to always lose effectiveness after about 4 years, and I tried CT twice which obviously didn’t work. My dose never exceeded 12mg and I feel like as time went on the more my body rejected it. 
5/2018 I had weaned down and I was on 4mg when I had my son. At this point I couldn’t drive, and was agoraphobic. The doctor put me back up to 8mg 11/2020 after having a bad panic attack. I noticed I started getting depressed around this time and 1/2020 things really hit the fan. I accidentally took 3ml instead of 4ml one night and that was it. The next day was a tail spin. I started feeling very panicky and depressed constantly. I was shaking, sobbing, suicidal thoughts, and felt completely numb. I went to my doctor the next day who tried to updose me to no avail. The symptoms got worse along with profuse sweating and shaking. He thought it could somehow be serotonin syndrome and wanted me to quit.
We tried a taper to trintellix which didn’t help one bit. My last dose of paxil was 4/2020. I then was forced off the trintellix 5/2020 because my insurance refused to pay for it and my doctor didn’t check with them first. He wanted me to go on Zoloft but I said no. After 5 ER trips without help I wanted off this poison and decided to attempt to stick it out. 

I won’t torture you with what happened for the next 3 months but you can guess. I have two toddlers and I was bedridden from 1/2020 until 6/2020. My mother had to take leave at work to take care of me. I didn’t eat anything but shakes for a solid 2 months and vomited consistently. It was total hell. I even called and considered rehab centers because I literally fell apart. I had never had depression before this. 
 

7/2020-8/2020 was a bit better. I could feel things improving. My hope came back and I had quite a few windows of WDnormal. 
 

However a week ago a huge wave has hit me again and I’m left feeling totally desperate. All those old miserable feelings have came back and I’m left grasping for anything to help. I feel totally scared to death to go back to a psychiatrist but I’m scared to death not to.

My husband has been patient these last 9 months but he’s starting to lose faith as well I think and thinks I need to just exercise and drink water. 😩

I am seeing a naturopath who has said my hormones are totally screwed up and I have extremely high DHEA like pcos patients. My cortisol was low and my adrenals are toast. I’ve tried numerous supplements as well and typically have a Paradoxical  reaction.

At this point I’m barely sleeping, eating, or functioning. I have 2 toddlers to take care of and I feel like I’m totally failing them. 

Any advice would be great. I feel so utterly defeated. 

Edited October 5, 2020 by Gridley

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, Sss1618.  I'm sorry you're going through this. We have had a number of members who were drugged as children and have healed and gone on to lead happy, productive lives.  You will too.   It's a very encouraging sign of healing that July and August you felt a bit better and that you've had quite a few windows of WDnormal.  The brain has a remarkable ability to heal itself, and you are healing every moment.

 

The symptoms you describe, including depression when you never had it before, are typical of antidepressant withdrawal.  

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

It's typical when you're in a wave for all the old miserable feelings to come back and you think they're permanent, but they're not.  As time passes, the windows will get longer and longer and the waves shorter.

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

When we take psychiatric medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

 

These explain the healing process really well.

 

Brain Remodelling 

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems.  This woiuld explain the paradoxical reaction you've had to supplements. But two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.

 

Regarding exercise, we generally recommend gentle exercise, like a walk in nature.  If strenuous exercise works for you, fine, but many find it too stimulating to an already overstimulated nervous system.  We recommend a healthy diet (I know you don't have much appetite) and staying away from caffeine, alcohol and sugar.  MSG should be avoided, and it is an ingredient in many foods.

 

We strongly recommend using non-drug techniques to cope with withdrawal and life.   Take a look at the links in the following link and see which you think might be helpful to you.

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

Withdrawal insomnia is very common.  Here are some tips to help with sleep.

 

Relaxation exercises, guided meditations, calming videos, sleep hypnosis

 

Tricks and tips to fall asleep faster

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2017/02/16/tips-tricks-fall-asleep-faster.aspx?utm_source=dnl&utm_medium=email&utm_content=art1&utm_campaign=20170216Z1&et_cid=DM133787&et_rid=1889748952

 

This link contains helpful information, including insomnia and also non-drug coping skills.  

 

Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems

 

Some members have found Melatonin helpful with insomnia.

 

 Melatonin for sleep   

 

It's best to start at a very low dosage, such as .25mg, and gradually increase if needed to the lowest effective dose.  The following link is to a melatonin product that has 0.3mg.

 

(available on Amazon)

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Sss1618]

Thanks so much for the encouragement and resources, I appreciate it! 
 

So far my wave has lasted 2 weeks, with a brief window of withdraw normal. 
 

Is it common to have blood sugar issues? I’m seeming to have a lot of physical symptoms during this wave like internal shaking and blurry vision and feeling weak. It’s similar feelings to when my sugar is low. 

[Gridley]

@Sss1618

 

It could be withdrawal blood sugar issues.  Here's a link:

Reactive hypoglycemia? Low blood sugar and symptoms ...

Or it could be withdrawal symptoms unrelated to blood sugar.  Internal shaking, blurry vision and feeling weak are known withdrawal symptoms.