Sigismund 1 month use of risperidone, attempt at recovery

[Sigismund]

I will try to make it short, I am in desperate need of help. I used risperidone (1mg) for almost a month when it started to seriously affect my quality of life and mental capabilities. that was almost a year ago. My psychiatrist only told me then to take half the dose for two days and then stop completely ( I fear now that this was completely insufficient for withdrawal). So far in, I still feel completely impaired, as if I were still taking the medication. My memory and concentration are in the gutter, I feel severely tired and incapable most of the day, my mind is uncontrollable and disorganized, my intellectual ambitions are all dead. In most of this period of recovery I trudged along through life like an undead, performing basic tasks and sleeping a great part of the day. Only recently, the last three months, have I tried to combat it with a regular daily routine, carefully taking note of the day's activities and making sure I do as much as I can for the exercise of my brain. This only shows mixed results, as my mental activity swings wildly from full depression to some semblance of creative euphoria and with these swings come also overwhelming, crippling emotion. I make no real progress. My mind is in shatters. I think that either my withdrawal was improper or my brain reacted badly to the medication, causing severe change. I am completely alone, as my family dont really believe me, and I can get no medical professional to listen to me. I saw a neurologist recently that dismissed any possibility of the drug causing a significant effect and thinks I simply have a sleep disorder, recommending a drug called vigiline and sending me to do a polysomnography. I have tried neither yet, as I despair of ever using any medication for my brain and the exam is still pending. So here it is, I have nowhere to turn to besides an internet forum. I want my mind back and there is no way I can get it back alone, if it even still exists. I have no idea about the fuctioning of the brain, but I would suppose that the drug, and possibly poor tapering, caused an imbalance in the production of neurotransmitters, and the integrity of my brain is forever compromised, even after the use of a small dose in a small period, it would seem. I would also suppose that it reacted negatively with the poor habits I kept earlier and a possible depression.

[getofflex]

Hello Sigismund, and welcome to SA. We are a peer owned and run forum of people who have been or are getting off of psychiatric drugs.  I'm very sorry to hear that you are in this situation.  It sounds like this drug definitely did not agree with you.  

 

On 5/2/2021 at 9:46 AM, Sigismund said:

My psychiatrist only told me then to take half the dose for two days and then stop completely ( I fear now that this was completely insufficient for withdrawal).

I couldn't agree more.  Unfortunately, psychiatrists are notorious for prescribing drugs, but have little clue how to properly taper people off of them. 

 

First of all, can you please give us specific information about your drug history for all drugs you are on and have been on, especially for the past 18-24 months?  It would be especially helpful to have the details of your drugs in a concise list (no symptoms), only drug names, specific dates (as best you can say for example early March if you don't recall the day) and dosages of each medication decrease or increase.  Please read the link below for instructions.  This will allow us to give you the best guidance.  

 

How to List Drug History in Signature

 

Here is some information about how these drugs actually work.  

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

What is Withdrawal Syndrome?

 

Also, as we are recovering, we suggest keeping things slow, simple, and stable. 

 

Keep it Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

 

When we recover, there are times of feeling OK mixed in with times of feeling bad.  This is called windows and waves.

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: 

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but 2 that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. It is suggested to add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

 

Magnesium

 

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

I just want to say that there is definitely hope for you.  It may not seem like it when you feel so bad.  The nervous system is highly complex, and these drugs make profound alterations to the CNS that take a long time to recover from.  Please read some of the success stories for hope.  Other people have cold turkeyed or tapered very fast, and they have eventually recovered.  The thing is, it takes time, and patience.  I would be super cautious about going on another psychotropic drug.  Oftentimes, this makes you feel worse, as it further confuses the nervous system by destabilizing it even more and making it more sensitive.  

 

We can talk about a small reinstatement to mitigate withdrawal symptoms, but first we need to see more details about your drug history as stated above. 

 

I've given you quite a bit of information here.  Please read through it, and mull it over, and we will take it from there. In the meantime, take care of yourself, and take heart.  We in this forum have been through this, and we understand first hand the pain and discomfort you are going through.  Please know that the brain is amazing in it's healing abilities.  It takes time, but healing can and will happen. 

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @Sigismund

 

How soon after taking risperidone did you find it was affecting you adversely?

 

@getofflex covered the issues pretty well.

 

We sometimes see people having fairly immediate bad reactions to psychiatric drugs who quickly go off them. They have subsequent long-lasting symptoms very similar to withdrawal syndrome and following the same very gradual, frustrating arc of recovery -- if they don't have additional adverse drug reactions.

 

When did you last take risperidone? Did you take any drugs after that? How did they affect you?

 

On 5/2/2021 at 7:46 AM, Sigismund said:

Only recently, the last three months, have I tried to combat it with a regular daily routine, carefully taking note of the day's activities and making sure I do as much as I can for the exercise of my brain. This only shows mixed results, as my mental activity swings wildly from full depression to some semblance of creative euphoria and with these swings come also overwhelming, crippling emotion.

 

Do you also get regular, gentle exercise, such as a half-hour of walking each day? Over the last month, how have your symptoms changed? What is your sleep pattern?

 

 

 

[Sigismund]

I`ve already made a completely incoherent attempt at introducing myself here during a trough period. I will try to put this together properly now.

 

18 male here. In august of the last year, after listening to me and my parents for just a few goddamn minutes in a couple sessions, and hearing complaints about possible insomnia, ocd, depression, and anxiety some psychiatrist recommends that I take 1 mg of risperidone daily, and says that "it would help me sleep". After the consultation my parents constantly nag me to try it for a few days, telling me to trust a health professional and accept help and all that Spiel, so then going completely against my skeptical and cautious nature I take a brain-altering medication I know nothing about. I dont know what came over me, I didnt even make a cursory google about it.

I reacted adversely to it almost immediately. I can't give you a timetable, because those days are very dim in my memory now (perhaps mercifully), but, in just a few days of feeling physically awkward in pulse heartbeat, strength, I found out suddenly that I was incapable of reading a book i had been reading (a catcher in the rye). I processed every word at a snail's pace, word by word, each of them a tremendous effort, causing physical pain in my head to deal with. then in a few more days this extends even to simple conversation, to any word, my brain slows down perceptively, abstraction is gone, memory soon follows. Tangentially to this I discover that my penis doesnt work, I feel little to no pleasure in anything, every sensation in my body is weakened and off, I feel an insatiable hunger but little desire to actually eat. Next comes a feeling of hollowness, emotional and intellectual, a feeling of incapability and passivity that can't be brushed off by anything, and accompanies me everywhere. At some point or another I despair and feel crippling anxiety, complain to my parents and psychiatrist, and they say that I'm just getting used to my medication. Now I cant, and don't really care to put these things in a chronollogical order, let's treat my reaction to the medication and relation to my parents and the psy as two different plotlines. Just know that from then these symptoms persisted and got worse, and that no-one really believed me at all in anything, thinking it was merely a psychological reaction. I started replacing the activities I could no longer perform or feel for sleep. I took to sleeping for a considerable part of the day, in broken, irregular periods, and pairing them with some banal and light activity.

Crippling anxiety continues, as I also begin to read about the drug and its monstrous effects. Now how I actually managed to take it for 3 weeks to a month I don't really know, I guess it's the bloated passivity it creates. All in all my life was then not only miserable but extremely painful in every waking moment. Everyting that makes a human apart from an animal was taken from me, and everything that pleases human and animal aswell, to be replaced by pain, humiliation, fear, anxiety, agony, privation, dysphoria. I don't really conceive how this drug even exists and is routinely handed out by so called "health professionals", often for off-label use to healthy individuals, like my sorry self. I don't see how it would help someone with psycosis, taking everything that makes life. I describe my experience with the feeling of a lovecraftian protagonist, collecting the remains of his wits and sanity to describe a reality too horrible for human comprehension, persecuted by dim memories and an all-encompassing fear, looking forward only to death.

When I tell my psychiatrist that I'm quitting it no matter what he has to say, he tells me to first take a half dose (0.5mg) for two days and discontinue. Now as I understand it this is pretty much equivalent to cold turkeying it, so even that you managed to **** up, thx psychiatry. oh, btw, I forgot to mention that, back in the middle, when I started reporting these very clear physical and cognitive symptoms, the festering vampire wanted me to DOUBLE my dose and introduce an antidepressant called zoloft. I took neither, thankfully. As for my family, they continued unaffected by my suffering and I trudged on alone.

here's a neat list of my symptoms while taking it

 

-insomnia

-excessive daytime sleepiness

-anhedonia

-sexual dysfunction

-emotional hollowness

-greatly depressed cognition

-physical weakness

-random palpitation

-disquietude

there's probably more that escaped my dimmed perception or current recollection

 

Now for the 5 - 6 months succeeding this- september 2020 to january 2021

Immediately after coming off I felt better, recovering some sexual function and feeling. I thought it would maybe just turn out to be an overly long hangover, but boy was I wrong. I continued with this horrible habit of sleeping for most of the day and performing banal tasks, more often requiring non-verbal interaction. I gave myself up in those months, not capable of fighting my body with so little reward. My sexual capability was coming back somewhat, Words became less painful as the weeks wore on, much to my relief, because I have an interest in languages and linguistics, and had many intellectual projects before risperidone, as well as being a frequent reader. I used coffee for relief, it being a stimulant. I need to know though, are stimulants any good for withdrawal, do they  it slow it down? I am very sure that caffeine makes a significant change in a day and can even force a window , but if I find that it slows down recovery I will of course quit it. Anyway, some recovery overall. I began reading books in this period, irregularly and slowly. Very little windows and very insignificant ones at that. I experienced all the symptoms here in a little less intensity as time passed, and palpitation and disquietude wore off at the start.

 

now for the last 3 months- february 2021- may

 

I started fighting this condition. I painfully and slowly found a way to regulate my sleep routine and and eating habits. I pushed myself to use my brain, keeping record of my daily activities. I was capable many times of planning a day and commiting to it. My symptoms got noticeably better these past months, much more than in the preceeding 5-6 months. I can now read regularly, in fact am reading a book every 1.5 weeks, and paying attention to my classes. I still struggle to keep up with all the school material, my cognition is still pretty bad, but workable. I take exercise sometimes by walking in the streets and just pacing around the house and trying to think. I can force windows using tremendous amounts of coffee in which I almost feel normal. As to my sexual function, I feel desire, but orgasms arent much at all. I manage to stay awake through the whole day and sleep regularly and, as far as I can tell, well. My parents know of my difficulties somewhat and are pretty apathetic to them.

 

And of course here comes the usual question as to wether I'll ever be the same. I want to take up my intellectual ambitions, I want to think, be lost in abstraction form opinions and a personality, meet people and just enjoy a goddamn meal properly. No doubt during my self-poisoning and this recovery period my brain matter is suffering grealty, and the thing I want the most in the world is to know how much. How much I will lose in exactitude, because there is no point in pretending that my brain will just pop up the same some time. Is there not a reliable scan, imaging test that can detect damage like this, without a prior comparison? If I ever come out of this hell hole I vow to become the greatest intellectual and the most astute and active as I can be, and the most sociable, only then will I feel closure. Are intellectual goals even possible for me anymore? That's what I need to know so I can resign myself to months of silent torture.

I've been lonely and miserable for most of my life, my brain, which I considered somewhat over the top, and the scraps of knowledge I managed to fish around were my only possession in this world, my only pride. I used to waste them like a fool in my little island of sorrow and privation, I tell you I won't repeat that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[thunkimjusthappy]

I read through all your content and I can relate, I too am wondering if I can recover my intellectual abilities, my motivation and (sexual) feelings. I am still on this drug and my depot injection will wean off only in a year's time. You seem to write well. All my motivation is now some obsession to connect to people who have gone through the same and read their stories. I've forgotten what it's like to have motivation and reward. I wish that my memory and intellectuality didn't have to suffer. I feel slow and alone.

 

I do wish you strength on this recovery and wish you all the best. The brain can recover and also recovers from alcohol induced damage. I've heard omega 3 supplements can help with this.

[getofflex]

On 5/7/2021 at 12:39 AM, Sigismund said:

oh, btw, I forgot to mention that, back in the middle, when I started reporting these very clear physical and cognitive symptoms, the festering vampire wanted me to DOUBLE my dose and introduce an antidepressant called zoloft.

I think you gave a very apt description of this so called "doctor".  I'm very thankful that you chose not to take these drugs. 

 

On 5/7/2021 at 12:39 AM, Sigismund said:

I need to know though, are stimulants any good for withdrawal, do they  it slow it down?

We generally suggest to avoid stimulants, or anything else that affects the nervous system during withdrawal.  It can further confuse an already aggravated nervous system.  

 

On 5/7/2021 at 12:39 AM, Sigismund said:

I started fighting this condition. I painfully and slowly found a way to regulate my sleep routine and and eating habits. I pushed myself to use my brain, keeping record of my daily activities. I was capable many times of planning a day and commiting to it. My symptoms got noticeably better these past months, much more than in the preceeding 5-6 months.

I'm very happy to hear this.  You sound like a highly intelligent, motivated and ambitious person.  

 

On 5/7/2021 at 12:39 AM, Sigismund said:

My parents know of my difficulties somewhat and are pretty apathetic to them.

This makes my heart sad.  😕  You deserve better than this. 

 

On 5/7/2021 at 12:39 AM, Sigismund said:

And of course here comes the usual question as to wether I'll ever be the same.

I think there is great hope for you.  You are very young - the age of my youngest son.  Also, you were only on the drugs a very short time. Here is a success story of a person, like you, who was on Risperidone for 3 weeks, and they have recovered: 

 

I recovered from risperidone

 

Please take care, and hang in there.  Try some of the non drug coping techniques - they can help a lot.   Keep us posted. 

[Sigismund]

On 5/10/2021 at 10:15 AM, thunkimjusthappy said:

I read through all your content and I can relate, I too am wondering if I can recover my intellectual abilities, my motivation and (sexual) feelings. I am still on this drug and my depot injection will wean off only in a year's time. You seem to write well. All my motivation is now some obsession to connect to people who have gone through the same and read their stories. I've forgotten what it's like to have motivation and reward. I wish that my memory and intellectuality didn't have to suffer. I feel slow and alone.

 

I do wish you strength on this recovery and wish you all the best. The brain can recover and also recovers from alcohol induced damage. I've heard omega 3 supplements can help with this.

Damn I cant even imagine the anxiety of still having the drug in the system for so long. If you'd like, we could try messaging or becoming phone friends, since there are very little people that can relate to or understand the severity of weaning and withdrawal from these drugs, and it seems we've had a very similar reaction to the drug. Having someone to talk to about it would really help, and Ive noticed that good conversation can often induce windows.

I really wish I had just gotten hammered with alcohol everyday for one month instead of taking risperidone, I bet It would have been much healthier too.

Im also very obsessed with reading stories and studies about these drugs, pretty much as a coping mechanism of some sort, since I really cant ever get my mind off my current state. Im also very much slow and alone, though now I can enjoy some atennuated thinking and words dont physically hurt anymore. I even felt an actual emotion "in my body" recently, a little stirring from a scare, so that's something I seem to be recovering. My brain really is returning to proper function, though I don't feel like I'm even halfway through, and of course I don't know, and am unlikely to ever know wether there will be lasting structural damage. All I know is that I've lost grains from my limited hourglass here on earth on suffering completely unnecessarily and that my academic career will definitely be blighted and delayed, and that's bad enough. I'm growing an enormous desire for life which surges up during every window, ahnedonia is softening too, I can get up and do stuff more reliably. Memory seems to be coming back, I had a really really good one, easilly catching names and words, remembering school content, personal experience and narratives in detail for years, so imagine my anxiety to get that back and also mend the huge memory sever of these last months.

I really hope you can find support through this and have a milder withdrawal. No one deserves this form of being. I'm completely repulsed by what I'm finding about psychiatry (mainstream psychiatry, anyway).

I just found a neuropsychologist that actually listens and engages with me and actually considers the possibility of a protracted withdrawal (or any at all lasting more than a week) and agreed with many of my criticisms of pharmaceutical psychiatry. He proposed to do some tests (neuropsychological test) to assess my situation. It's really horrible that any professional help is extremely hard to find for us, and just getting any professional attention really helps.

Best wishes to you and I'm very open to having a talk. Do send a pm.

[Sigismund]

On 5/11/2021 at 8:49 PM, getofflex said:

I think you gave a very apt description of this so called "doctor".  I'm very thankful that you chose not to take these drugs. 

 

We generally suggest to avoid stimulants, or anything else that affects the nervous system during withdrawal.  It can further confuse an already aggravated nervous system.  

 

I'm very happy to hear this.  You sound like a highly intelligent, motivated and ambitious person.  

 

This makes my heart sad.  😕  You deserve better than this. 

 

I think there is great hope for you.  You are very young - the age of my youngest son.  Also, you were only on the drugs a very short time. Here is a success story of a person, like you, who was on Risperidone for 3 weeks, and they have recovered: 

 

I recovered from risperidone

 

Please take care, and hang in there.  Try some of the non drug coping techniques - they can help a lot.   Keep us posted. 

That will be quite a challenge then, if I have to get off coffee. I have a long history of drinking coffee and often pretty heavily (I usually smell of coffee). I tried cold-turkeying it but it just resulted in a severe worsening of every symptom, so I suppose I will have to taper it. Since I've been drinking coffee since well before risperidone, I wonder if it would really confuse the nervous system? Many thanks for the success story.

 I'm glad to hear of parents that are actually aware of the effects of these drugs (imagine that), and I hope you and your kids fare well and away from this kind of dangerous medical practice.

[Sigismund]

On 5/5/2021 at 6:32 PM, Altostrata said:

Welcome, @Sigismund

 

How soon after taking risperidone did you find it was affecting you adversely?

 

@getofflex covered the issues pretty well.

 

We sometimes see people having fairly immediate bad reactions to psychiatric drugs who quickly go off them. They have subsequent long-lasting symptoms very similar to withdrawal syndrome and following the same very gradual, frustrating arc of recovery -- if they don't have additional adverse drug reactions.

 

When did you last take risperidone? Did you take any drugs after that? How did they affect you?

 

 

Do you also get regular, gentle exercise, such as a half-hour of walking each day? Over the last month, how have your symptoms changed? What is your sleep pattern?

 

 

 

I would suppose any vigorous excercise is unadvisable? I will certainly try to walk each day, since It's also calming.

As for my sleep pattern, I manage to sleep reliably from 10:30-11:00 pm to 6:30, I get uninterrupted and apparently sound sleep. I've been dreaming pretty often, just nonsensical dreams I forget about a few minutes after waking up. This is a massive victory since insomnia and nightmares are apparently a not uncommon symptoma of withdrawal, and sleep is the one thing to look out for in recovery. It seems I am one of the unfortunates who gets the long run, though.

[getofflex]

10 hours ago, Sigismund said:

My brain really is returning to proper function, though I don't feel like I'm even halfway through, and of course I don't know, and am unlikely to ever know wether there will be lasting structural damage.

This is great news!  Recovery from these drugs is a very slow process unfortunately.  It requires utmost patience. 

 

10 hours ago, Sigismund said:

I just found a neuropsychologist that actually listens and engages with me and actually considers the possibility of a protracted withdrawal

Please just be super careful about allowing him to put you on more psych meds.  That is what these doctors tend to do.  There is a good chance more psych drugs would make things worse for you. 

 

9 hours ago, Sigismund said:

That will be quite a challenge then, if I have to get off coffee. I have a long history of drinking coffee and often pretty heavily (I usually smell of coffee). I tried cold-turkeying it but it just resulted in a severe worsening of every symptom, so I suppose I will have to taper it.

It's up to you.  For me, it helped to get off all caffeine.  I did that because insomnia was my worst symptom, and caffeine contributes to insomnia.  

 

9 hours ago, Sigismund said:

I would suppose any vigorous excercise is unadvisable? I will certainly try to walk each day, since It's also calming.

For many of us intense exercise tends to exacerbate our symptoms.  A walk each day is good, it helps me a great deal.  

 

9 hours ago, Sigismund said:

As for my sleep pattern, I manage to sleep reliably from 10:30-11:00 pm to 6:30, I get uninterrupted and apparently sound sleep.

You are very fortunate.  In that case, caffeine may not be an issue for you.  It sounds like you are definitely on the mend.  I suggest you just stay on the course, and be very careful about any new drugs or supplements you add.  

[Altostrata]

On 5/21/2021 at 11:23 PM, Sigismund said:

I would suppose any vigorous excercise is unadvisable? I will certainly try to walk each day, since It's also calming.

As for my sleep pattern, I manage to sleep reliably from 10:30-11:00 pm to 6:30, I get uninterrupted and apparently sound sleep. I've been dreaming pretty often, just nonsensical dreams I forget about a few minutes after waking up. This is a massive victory since insomnia and nightmares are apparently a not uncommon symptoma of withdrawal, and sleep is the one thing to look out for in recovery. It seems I am one of the unfortunates who gets the long run, though.

 

Hello, Sigismund. If you're sleeping well and not made nervous by caffeine, you don't have to go off it. People are different. We're in the realm of whatever works, works. 

 

Since you've seen improvement so far, you probably will continue to see improvement, albeit slow and frustrating, if you don't upset the apple cart. As it appears you're suffering from an adverse drug reaction as well as possible withdrawal, strenuous drug treatment can upset the apple cart. I would avoid all neuroactive drugs and substances for a good long while.

 

Definitely get in as much walking as feels comfortable, this will help re-regulate your nervous system and body.

 

Many people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

It seems you are coming to some realizations while you're going through what amounts to an involuntarily imposed chronic condition. This actually could put you ahead of others of your age and you'll come out of this with early self-knowledge about where you want to direct your life. If you've been lonely, you can acquire skills to make friends. If your family doesn't understand you, you may gain some premature distance from your family and learn not to depend on them for emotional sustenance until they come to some realizations (and greater respect for your maturity) themselves.

 

I recommend you journal anything that seems like a inner realization, this will be invaluable.

 

[thunkimjusthappy]

  

Quote

 

Damn I cant even imagine the anxiety of still having the drug in the system for so long. If you'd like, we could try messaging or becoming phone friends, since there are very little people that can relate to or understand the severity of weaning and withdrawal from these drugs, and it seems we've had a very similar reaction to the drug. Having someone to talk to about it would really help, and Ive noticed that good conversation can often induce windows.

I really wish I had just gotten hammered with alcohol everyday for one month instead of taking risperidone, I bet It would have been much healthier too.

Im also very obsessed with reading stories and studies about these drugs, pretty much as a coping mechanism of some sort, since I really cant ever get my mind off my current state. Im also very much slow and alone, though now I can enjoy some atennuated thinking and words dont physically hurt anymore. I even felt an actual emotion "in my body" recently, a little stirring from a scare, so that's something I seem to be recovering. My brain really is returning to proper function, though I don't feel like I'm even halfway through, and of course I don't know, and am unlikely to ever know wether there will be lasting structural damage. All I know is that I've lost grains from my limited hourglass here on earth on suffering completely unnecessarily and that my academic career will definitely be blighted and delayed, and that's bad enough. I'm growing an enormous desire for life which surges up during every window, ahnedonia is softening too, I can get up and do stuff more reliably. Memory seems to be coming back, I had a really really good one, easilly catching names and words, remembering school content, personal experience and narratives in detail for years, so imagine my anxiety to get that back and also mend the huge memory sever of these last months.

I really hope you can find support through this and have a milder withdrawal. No one deserves this form of being. I'm completely repulsed by what I'm finding about psychiatry (mainstream psychiatry, anyway).

I just found a neuropsychologist that actually listens and engages with me and actually considers the possibility of a protracted withdrawal (or any at all lasting more than a week) and agreed with many of my criticisms of pharmaceutical psychiatry. He proposed to do some tests (neuropsychological test) to assess my situation. It's really horrible that any professional help is extremely hard to find for us, and just getting any professional attention really helps.

Best wishes to you and I'm very open to having a talk. Do send a pm.

 

 

Thanks for your message. I am also open to talk. 

 

I agree that not a lot of people seem to understand these drugs. There's a lot of regret in my part that I actually took thes drugs and 2.5 weeks later started to freak out a bit because the effects were starting to show. I'd feel blank and still do feel blank. It is a bit terrifying. Also my feelings, including sexual feelings, have just disappeared. I was always a hedonist and content with being myself. But on these drugs it's so hard to find content. I constantly seek the company of my mother and the things I enjoy now are joining her on her groceries or on a car ride so I don't have to stay in this house and have a bit of a change. 

 

I'm forgetting everything, I studied the past month but it seems like it doesn't have any use because I don't feel sharp enough to handle it. You really need to hyperfocus on the studies I do to remember everything for exams and normally I just did everything automatically and I would remember every thing I only read once. But now, that seems impossible. I couldn't even remember the name of a plant I had grown and nurtured from seed last season. Not even when I waited for a while to let it come to me, which I would usually do. It's so frustrating. I used to study every day and enjoy it. I used to watch soccer and enjoy it. Now I just want to get off this med so badly and I've been searching the internet for success stories or for documents on how to taper.

 

I went to my psychiatrist last week and he told me I can decrease the dosage from 2mg to 1mg. So that's different than the 10% taper everyone seems to recommend. I was already doing 1.5mg for a week before I've seen him which went well. I'm now on 1mg and this morning I've been feeling a bit depressed because progress seems to go so slow. I've been thinking about dropping down to 0.5mg on Wednesday, then it will be a week after I've dropped to 1mg. Most documents I've read recommend a 2-week interval and sure enough I will see my psychiatrist after those two weeks have passed.

It's good to read for sure however that you seem to be doing a bit better and that your memory and anhedonia is improving. 

 

I agree on your view on modern psychiatry. I've been looking at animals and sometimes I feel like my cat is able to enjoy life better than I am right now. The experience on this drug is truly bad and hopefully once the drugs are out of my system my D2 dopamine receptors will be free once again so I can be my older, content self. 

 

It's good you found someone willing to listen to your concerns.  I am curious if the tests will show anything. I will also be going through some tests in a little while, but they will most likely screen for schizophrenia. I feel like the ''negative'' symptoms of schizophrenia are because of these drugs. Before these drugs I had all of the motivation in the world and I was beginning to accelerate my studies again after I neglected it for a while. But learning is just not fun anymore. :(

Luckily I do have a psychiatrist who is willing to withdraw me from this medication. If tapering in some way doesn't work I can always order a tapering strip and go a bit slower. But I feel like the drugs effects are also in some way cumulative and I've not been on this drugs for too long (5 weeks now) so I feel comfortable going through a bit of a faster taper.

 

I've read that you went cold turkey and for a time I've been considering going CT bc I just don't wish to take this drug and feel it's effects any longer. But I already have a bit of trouble staying asleep, and it could be bc of the withdrawal and the neuroadaptions from a month on these drugs. It could also just be anxiety, I feel like I am waking up myself in my sleep because I need to be "alert"

 

But any way, it is good to connect and make another friend. I like to game on my PS4 with another friend and play Apex Legends to have a bit of a distraction and somewhat feel "normal". I'm not really good at gaming though but it is still nice to hear a friendly voice. 

I am a bit socially awkward though and I generally don't know what to say, esp. still on Risperidon. 

 

Anyway it's been a bit rough, not knowing what to do, and seeing that you responded gave me something to do at least. I think I will go through this whatever it takes and I will try to go through withdrawals as well, hoping that eventually in a few weeks time my dopamine receptors will downregulate at last and that withdrawals won't last forever. And that  I can be free from this medication at last. I truly look forward to the day I don't take another pill and my healing process can start.

 

I've already bought some supplements but I'll start to take them as soon as I quit. I'm still a bit anxious to supplement with Lion's mane since I dont know how long the paliperidone from the depot will stay in my system, since the interactions etc. But I've read that it helps

 

Truly thanks for your support. I enjoy your writing style. Best wishes to u as well. Sorry if my writing is a bit incoherent or if I seem to be rambling. I will send you a DM as well.

 

 

[Sigismund]

No fight or flight mode, no adrenaline, slow reaction times.

 

To me this is the third most startling side effect after altered cognition and emotional blunting. My body simply does not react to potentially dangerous situations. Incoming cars, dogs, nothing gets my body to react and activate any of its self-preservation responses. I feel I've lost all of my animal instincts. I don't get "physically" scared. My body does not detect dangerous situations and does not react to them apropriately. My reaction time is significantly lengthened because of this. I have to be extremely vigilant in crossing streets and coming out of vehicles or just walking anywhere outside. Once recently a car surprised me when I was starting to cross a road and all my body did was protest a slight inconvenience, as if I'd just dropped a pen. I get little to no response when a dog comes barking from a window or I lose my footing. 

I know that if I tell this to any professional I'll just get a 5-milisecond diagnosis of depression (fastest stethoscope in the west), but this is nothing like depression. I still get up everyday and go about watching classes despide ahnedonia, cognitive and emotional impairment, a feeling of complete loss, a fear of a prolonged inferior existence. I've been through depression before and I would still be prompted very strongly by my animal instincts and react to my environment. I actually miss feeling a scare, or anything at all in my body. My nervous system is globally affected, and I crave the simplest things about being a human, a mammal, an animal and a being with sentience. I'm in real considerable danger in the streets and am developing agoraphobia because of this, since my town is also very unfriendly to pedestrians, and I find it completely justifiable. I really don't want to get out and have to deal with cars, hills, the heat, uneven sidewalks and all the motorcycles, exhaust pipes and lights, just nope. I have enough strain as it is. I'd just like to know if anyone has also noticed this and recovered from it, I guess it might be a common effect of these globally disabling drugs?

 

Edited June 5, 2021 by Shep
added title in bold after moving from Symptoms forum

[Sigismund]

I suppose reinstatement would be pointless at this point? It's been 9 months already after the cold-turkey and my mind is still a complete fog, when it isn't painful to just stay awake and deal with words. I see this prolonged withdrawal is probably a result of the cold-turkey, and I wonder how much of my cns has been damaged permanently because some idiot didn't know how to advise me on quitting the drug he prescribes routinely. All because I was a good boy and decided to trust my parents.

I pass everyday in complete forgetfulness of what happened very recently, of what I just thought and decided on, I certainly can't do any serious work or study because my mind doesn't absorb anything. This is no way to live. I'm supposed to be working on my future as a university student, I can't continue like this for what, years? That's the recovery speed I see, honestly. I changed not that much in months, I'm still completely impaired, and no-one will believe me because it was just 1 mg and "short-term". my parents brush it off like I'm just exagerating or out of my mind, oh It's nothing, you're fine. Short-term like a bullet, comes in, leaves a gaping hole.

The only hope I have is that some test finds something significant, or that I get the 0.00001% chance of finding anyone in the medical field that knows **** all about psych drugs and withdrawal. Either way I'll never have my brilliant memory again, or my intellectual curiosity, or anything that could have done me any good in life.

[Shep]

On 5/7/2021 at 1:39 AM, Sigismund said:

I reacted adversely to it almost immediately. I can't give you a timetable, because those days are very dim in my memory now (perhaps mercifully), but, in just a few days of feeling physically awkward in pulse heartbeat, strength, I found out suddenly that I was incapable of reading a book i had been reading (a catcher in the rye). I processed every word at a snail's pace, word by word, each of them a tremendous effort, causing physical pain in my head to deal with. then in a few more days this extends even to simple conversation, to any word, my brain slows down perceptively, abstraction is gone, memory soon follows. Tangentially to this I discover that my penis doesnt work, I feel little to no pleasure in anything, every sensation in my body is weakened and off, I feel an insatiable hunger but little desire to actually eat. Next comes a feeling of hollowness, emotional and intellectual, a feeling of incapability and passivity that can't be brushed off by anything, and accompanies me everywhere. At some point or another I despair and feel crippling anxiety, complain to my parents and psychiatrist, and they say that I'm just getting used to my medication. Now I cant, and don't really care to put these things in a chronollogical order, let's treat my reaction to the medication and relation to my parents and the psy as two different plotlines. Just know that from then these symptoms persisted and got worse, and that no-one really believed me at all in anything, thinking it was merely a psychological reaction. I started replacing the activities I could no longer perform or feel for sleep. I took to sleeping for a considerable part of the day, in broken, irregular periods, and pairing them with some banal and light activity.

 

On 5/7/2021 at 1:39 AM, Sigismund said:

Now for the 5 - 6 months succeeding this- september 2020 to january 2021

 

Immediately after coming off I felt better, recovering some sexual function and feeling. I thought it would maybe just turn out to be an overly long hangover, but boy was I wrong. I continued with this horrible habit of sleeping for most of the day and performing banal tasks, more often requiring non-verbal interaction. I gave myself up in those months, not capable of fighting my body with so little reward. My sexual capability was coming back somewhat, Words became less painful as the weeks wore on, much to my relief, because I have an interest in languages and linguistics, and had many intellectual projects before risperidone, as well as being a frequent reader. I used coffee for relief, it being a stimulant. I need to know though, are stimulants any good for withdrawal, do they  it slow it down? I am very sure that caffeine makes a significant change in a day and can even force a window , but if I find that it slows down recovery I will of course quit it. Anyway, some recovery overall. I began reading books in this period, irregularly and slowly. Very little windows and very insignificant ones at that. I experienced all the symptoms here in a little less intensity as time passed, and palpitation and disquietude wore off at the start.

 

now for the last 3 months- february 2021- may

 

I started fighting this condition. I painfully and slowly found a way to regulate my sleep routine and and eating habits. I pushed myself to use my brain, keeping record of my daily activities. I was capable many times of planning a day and commiting to it. My symptoms got noticeably better these past months, much more than in the preceeding 5-6 months. I can now read regularly, in fact am reading a book every 1.5 weeks, and paying attention to my classes. I still struggle to keep up with all the school material, my cognition is still pretty bad, but workable.

 

Sigismund, it's possible you may have had an adverse reaction, in addition to having withdrawal symptoms. 

 

But it looks like you're slowly recovering and going through the usual windows and waves.

 

 

On 5/7/2021 at 1:39 AM, Sigismund said:

here's a neat list of my symptoms while taking it

 

-insomnia

-excessive daytime sleepiness

-anhedonia

-sexual dysfunction

-emotional hollowness

-greatly depressed cognition

-physical weakness

-random palpitation

-disquietude

 

On 5/22/2021 at 2:23 AM, Sigismund said:

As for my sleep pattern, I manage to sleep reliably from 10:30-11:00 pm to 6:30, I get uninterrupted and apparently sound sleep.

 

Because one of the side effects you had while on the drug was insomnia and you're now sleeping well, I would not reinstate this drug. Insomnia is one of the more common withdrawal effects of antipsychotics. 

 

Eat as healthy as you can, get in some exercise every day (a gentle walk in nature can be very helpful), work on non-drug coping skills such as mindfulness, and I'm sure you'll see a full recovery. You're already making great improvements. Unfortunately, because you're in school, you're having to work extra hard to muddle through the cog fog, but keep moving forward. There's no reason to think you won't fully recover and go onto have a great life and this experience will be replaced by your future accomplishments and goals. 

 

[Altostrata]

Hang in there, @Sigismund You're going in the right direction, although very slowly. This might seem like forever, but in 6 months, you're likely to look back on these posts and say you're feeling so much better.

[Shep]

@SigismundHow are you feeling? 

[Sigismund]

@Shep It's really hard to gauge how I am with the emotional bluntness and mind fog, I don't feel like I'm even a mammal, just a lizard that slides around uncaring and unthinking, I look for distraction mostly.

Yes, I'm certain I had an unusually adverse reaction to the drug, which makes it even scarier the fact that the psych wanted me to double the dose. I can't even imagine what might have happened to me. Oh, did I mention that the decision was made over chat messages and a short phonecall? It's like his goal was to find excuses to put me on more meds. Thankfully I stopped before becoming a chronic victim of psychiatry. In a case of immediate adr like this can it be more advisable to cold-turkey?

I've heard of adverse reactions but your sources regarding them seem to be about SSRIs? Do you have many documented cases of antipsychotic adverse reactions like this and can you send me some info about them? 

Of course there's been improvement, and I'm sorry about the hopeless posts but I have a lot to deal with and little relief.

In the first months of recovery I also had a feeling that my brain was burning, a chronic headache pretty much, but now it's turned to a constant discomfort in my head, like there's a dent in my brain, It's really hard to descibe, it follows the pattern of waves and windows, goes away at windows and comes with force in waves.

[Regularjoe42]

something similar happened to me. I took 1 mg of risperidone ( Involuntary). Just after a week of ingestion, something strange started happening. My consciousness started altering. My perception of the events and things altered in a way that I still cannot put into words. My feelings vanished. Thought processs...blank. Sensation of pleasure...gone. Intellectual capabilities hampered. Creativity vanished. Constantly forgetting things as if my memory was leaking. Couldnt recall things I already knew before. I just couldnt think as if my mind was 'blank'. On top of it, couldnt ejaculate (retrogade ejaculation). I could not reach orgasm for a long time. Even if I did, no semen would come out. Couldnt 'register' the feeling of pleasure that sexual activity brings. Nada. Had to put extreme efforts into reading and comprehending simple sentences as I could not recall the meaning of a lot of words, all which I knew before. Couldnt do any mathematical calculations in my head. All I was doing was just existing, like my soul was snatched away. The internal dialogue, the voice inside my head, was gone. If I wanted to say something, I could just not come up with words (some form of aphasia). All the wit and sense of humour I possessed ( which was very good) gone completely. Couldnt get high on weed or feel the nicotine rush from cigarettes. My speech is slurred. It has been almost a year now and it still persists. I am now sure that something has changed within me, permanently. I dont want to live like this anymore.

[Shep]

On 6/11/2021 at 9:35 PM, Sigismund said:

Thankfully I stopped before becoming a chronic victim of psychiatry. In a case of immediate adr like this can it be more advisable to cold-turkey?

I've heard of adverse reactions but your sources regarding them seem to be about SSRIs? Do you have many documented cases of antipsychotic adverse reactions like this and can you send me some info about them? 

 

I'm very glad you stopped before becoming a chronic victim of psychiatry. For an immediate adverse reaction, yes, stopping cold turkey is best if you haven't been on the drug for a long period of time. While a month is not a long time compared to what we usually see on this forum, it's still long enough to have withdrawal symptoms. But you've noted some improvements, so you're recovering. It's slow, but you are healing.

 

Here is a thread about adverse reactions to antipsychotics:

 

Antipsychotic side effects or adverse reactions

 

We don't have a lot of members posting their experiences there, so please feel free to add your experience. You may want to do the same @Regularjoe42 since you're also in recovery from an adverse antipsychotic reaction. 

 

Also, please check out the success stories:

 

Success Stories

 

This post in particular gives some recovery stories about adverse reactions:

 

Recovery from adverse reactions

 

The stories involve SSRIs, but since all psychiatric drugs involve destabilization of the nervous system, they are relevant to antipsychotic recovery and show the capacity for a full recovery. 

 

You can also go to the success stories and search for "adverse reaction" and check out more success stories. 

 

The reason there's not as much out there about antipsychotics is simply because SA and other withdrawal forums weren't dealing with it as much in the first few years. The original withdrawal forums going back to the dawn of the internet were sites like TRAP, which were benzodiazepine-withdrawal specific. And then the internet started filling up with folks wanting to discuss antidepressant withdrawal. And now with antipsychotics being used as "add on" drugs to antidepressants in the "treatment" of so-called "depression" and "bipolar" disorder, the forums started seeing a lot of people wanting information on antipsychotic withdrawal. 

 

The the withdrawal forums are a work in progress, gathering more and more information over the years. And I'm very glad, because it also means these forums are helpful for people with more serious labels. Nobody deserves to be on these drugs, regardless of their label. 

 

Anyways, just some thoughts to explain why there isn't more information out there. No reason to be discouraged. 

[getofflex]

On 6/11/2021 at 8:35 PM, Sigismund said:

Thankfully I stopped before becoming a chronic victim of psychiatry.

You have a lot of wisdom.  I'm so glad you got off the psych med mery go round right away.  The sooner you jump off, the easier it will be for you.  In my opinion these drugs are nothing more than chemical strait jackets. 

[Sigismund]

@Shep @Altostrata 

Can you recommend me any specialist on withdrawal? I live in Brazil, some sort of distant consultation would be fine, I just need my parents to believe me. I'm still fighting to convince them since practitioners in my country think withdrawal can only last 2 weeks and cold-turkey is fine. My father agreed to find a specialist even if overseas and expensive.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Maybe it would help to show them this website “antidepressantrisks”

psychiatrists who recognize withdrawal and adverse reactions are Dr. Shipko and Dr.  Breggin but they are hard to get an appointment with. Both are in USA 

[Altostrata]

Drs. Shipko and Breggin are both retired.

 

See https://iipdw.org/board-associates/, contact Brazilian doctors Paulo Amarante and Fernando Freitas.

[Altostrata]

Brazilian members, please post in 

 

[Sigismund]

@AltostrataI can't find contact info for Fernando Freitas anywhere, am I missing something? Your link directs to madinbrasil where theres also no info

[Altostrata]

How about writing madinbrasil with your question?

[Sigismund]

My father's been taking "mood stabilizers" for 7 years since he had a meltdown and was diagnosed with bipolar. He started on Lithium (don't know the dose) then at the end of this year fully switched it for lamitromigine (50mg daily) after a certain tapering process accompanied by gradually starting the other drug. He wants to quit lamitromigine since he questions its need and the diagnosis behind it and also thinks it might be affecting his efforts to lose weight, as well as possible side effects he might develop. I'm also sceptical of the diagnosis since he was instantly started on drugs after what I think was a stress related crisis. He hasnt had, as far as I know any acute reaction to the drug, I havent noticed much change since before the drugs, he is social and functions well in his consultant job, but Ive noticed his short term memory has been weak and it worries me (he's 48).

He talked to his psychiatrist, who surprisingly agreed to get him off the drug, but told him to already reduce it by half, yes, half. A drug he's been taking for a year and the class of drug he's been taking for 7. I don't know how this type of drug works (an anticonvulsant?) but from my knowledge of other psych drugs I'm worried it can't be tapered so quickly. I convinced him not to start the taper and seek a second opinion and Im looking here, without his knowledge, for more information. So how would he ideally taper?

[Kiasofia]

Hi @Sigismund

I moved your post to your introduction thread so we can discuss in one place and not have too many threads in the tapering section. Ideally have your father create his own account so we can assist him directly with tapering. I am myself tapering lamotrigine. (Well I'm holding for now since withdrawal got too hard.) Your father is taking 50mg once a day? Does he take anything else? He can try getting 25mg and 5mg tablets and reduce to 45mg to see how he tolerates a 10% reduction. Usually withdrawal hits around day 10 on lamotrigine so holding for at least a month is a good idea.

 

Some are able to reduce by half and are fine, while others are not able to get out of bed if they do this. Just like with antidepressants it is highly individual how fast one can taper, but for those of us who are sensitive withdrawal from lamotrigine can be rough. Since he has been on it a long time and is not experiencing bad side effects, he has nothing to loose from a slow taper, and a lot to lose from a fast one. For many, even a 10% reduction is too high. It is for me.

Tips for tapering off lamotrigine (Lamictal)

Edited December 4, 2021 by Kiasofia