username001: Antidepressant withdrawal sucks badly

[username001]

Hi quick question, has anyone suffered with aphantasia from withdrawal and recovered from it. I used to have lots of vivid imagery inside of my mind and was able to daydream constantly, I seem to have lost the ability and am curious as to whether or not it will resolve 

[ChessieCat]

I used the site search function and searched for aphantasia in the Introduction forum:

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/search/?q=aphantasia&quick=1&type=forums_topic&nodes=3

 

 

[ChessieCat]

And another search for daydream

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/search/?q=daydream&quick=1&type=forums_topic&nodes=3

[username001]

Thank you I searched it up prior to making the post but I didn’t see too many results, it’s just another thing medication steals from people. At this point it’s just obnoxious. Actually after rereading this I realize that I was letting withdrawal skew my thinking, I would imagine that the aphantasia symptom could possibly tie in to brain fog and cognition issues and once those resolve the aphantasia has a good chance of resolving with them. Right now I’m still able to visualize somewhat but it isn’t a strong as it used to be but I’m going to keep focusing on it and trying to make it better. This process is not hopeless, I believe this will all resolve 

[ChessieCat]

Psychiatric drug withdrawal symptoms are many and varied.  Some of the members seem to have physical symptoms whereas some seem to have symptoms which affect their brain processes.  These seems to be the 2 ends of the spectrum and in between these members can have combinations of both with varying severity.  This is just from my observations having been a member her for 6 years.

 

I will tell you about what happened to me which might help you to understand how withdrawal can affect our brain processes.  I am a professional typist with a very high degree of accuracy and very fast.  At the time I was 58 years old and I learned to type when I was 16.  Because I had this as a benchmark I knew for certain that what I experienced had nothing to do with wishful thinking or placebo effect.  It was totally related to the drug.

 

In Australia, Pristiq is only available in 50mg and 100mg tablets, whereas other countries can get 25mg.  I had been taking 100mg and wanted to reduce my dose so I started taking 50mg, a 50% reduction.  For two weeks I suffered from extreme cog fog; walking took all of my concentration, feeling like I had to tell my brain to move each leg.  At the end of the two weeks I was unable to type.  Thankfully I had joined SA 2 days before this happened; ie not being able to type.  They had suggested updosing but I didn't straight away because all the information was new to me and I wanted learn more before I did that.  When I couldn't type I knew that something was very wrong so I took more of the Pristiq.  After only 4 hours, yes hours, not days, the cog fog started lifting and I was able to type again.

 

The difference was like night and day.  It was amazing.  I had another similar experience with a different withdrawal symptom a couple of months later when I reduced by 10% and got bad ear pain.  I updosed by a small amount and again after about 4 hours the pain went.

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, username001 said:

Right now I’m still able to visualize somewhat but it isn’t a strong as it used to be but I’m going to keep focusing on it and trying to make it better. This process is not hopeless, I believe this will all resolve 

 

Yes during the first few years of my taper I would play brain training games, games like candy crush, sudoku and crosswords.  I would have days when I would play candy crush and I would look at the screen and had difficulty trying to comprehend and think about lining up 3 in a row.  I had days when I couldn't play number games and others when I couldn't play word games.  But I would still try, so long as I didn't get frustrated by it.  I was unable to play angry birds for a long time because it would increase my adrenaline and therefore I would feel anxious.  And for several years I had difficulty reading.  That is slowly improving.

 

I think practising and exercising the brain is good for it.  But only for short periods that feel comfortable otherwise it can be stressful which is not good for our nervous system when it needs calm to help it recover.

 

Also, I think that knowing that what you are experiencing is not just you but that others have experienced the same thing.  Yes it is annoying.  But it is better to learn to accept that this is how we are at this time and that with time and patience things will improve.  Unfortunately the improvement might be slow and hardly noticeable, and much slower than we would like.  But there comes a day when you look back and think wow, I used to not be able to do this but now I can, or this didn't used to happen but now it does.

 

Sometimes it can be helpful to keep some sort of journal which you can then look back on and see that there has been improvement.

[username001]

It is still so hard for me to read, and to form sentences. My Brain just constantly burns when I try to think. People think I’m a dickhead because I barely speak anymore 

[username001]

Emotions fluctuating on a day to day basis, anger, sadness, nostalgia, excitement, constant rotation, it’s really becoming apparent how bad the medications ****ed me up. I did some very out of character things these past two years on the meds. I literally thought I was living in a dream or dead, nothing felt the same as before. The mirage is slowly wearing off, and I am becoming more aware of my existence and actions.

 

Memory is still godawful, I can’t remember anything I have learned in the past and I can’t remember my memories too well. They are all blurry and distorted. I still can’t read well, my Brain can’t read sentences smoothly, my reading is all choppy, and I struggle to comprehend things well. Pair that with the horrible aphasia that has practically made me mute these past 9 months, it’s like I’m locked in my own mind prison. All the time I’m wasting haunts me on a daily basis, I wanna work on my goals and dreams and make something out of myself but I spend my days rotting in my bed. I scroll through social media and see people my age thriving with their “ perfect “ lives, and that just sinks me even further. 

 

I wanna record music and produce but I can’t make sense of the programs and my working memory makes it hard for me to make rhythm and beats. There’s a constant burning sensation in the back of my skull. My creativity and imagination are still terrible and I struggle to draw. It’s like my Brain forgot about what it can draw.  

 

This whole process has been so hard to accept and really truly grasp, I still struggle to believe that what I’m going through is real and it’s hard to believe that I’m not dead. It feels like a bad drug trip or what I’d assume a bad trip to feel like, I’ve experienced identity loss so many times throughout this and I can’t remember who I used to be. I sat in my car in a parking lot about 6 months off and had like an ego death. I wasn’t able to solidly form the concept of me in my mind and it’s a rude awakening. Our whole life experience and reality is dictated and created in our brains and everything can easily crumble to pieces in a blink of an eye if something happens to our poor little pink thing. Antidepressants are disgusting and I can’t believe that they are still allowed to be marketed. I don’t know what I’m rambling about or why, just venting my thoughts. 
 

i am getting better, I think and hope so at least, this process has taken so much longer than I would’ve ever liked for it to. I wish I would’ve pinpointed the problem two years back when I was hopping on and off medication, I didn’t realize withdrawal was a thing like this and that’s what I was dealing with. I just remember all the horrible things the medications did to me, as soon as I started on Zoloft and Wellbutrin I became manic at times and became paranoid of my own friends and distanced myself from everyone. I really lost touch and felt so zombified. Then I was struggling with sleep apnea problems so my psychiatrist prescribed me trazodone to help me sleep along with the Lexapro he prescribed to me. I took one dose of trazodone and I woke up at 3 in the morning dazed and horribly confused and passed out in my bathroom and busted my head off the floor. What a *****. Oh well, life happens, and life can’t be taken too serious.

 

i ate some tacobell tonight and actually felt present and enjoyed it to a degree. The meds messed with my taste buds and made everything incredibly bland, that’s slowly resolving. It’s just insane to me how many thing can be altered by a pill, but I’m incredibly fortunate to be regaining these things slowly. I wanna die almost 99% of the time, but death can wait. I gotta prove myself and everyone wrong. This experience just makes the motivation story 10x BETTER. Mwhahha 

 

keep going everyone, we will all make it out, you are never alone, we are in this together. trust time, trust yourself and have hope. 

 

Edited October 29, 2021 by ChessieCat
added spacing for easier reading

[username001]

Here’s some supplements/things I’ve been doing in order to improve/try to improve.

 

I have taken an ungodly amount of supplements throughout withdrawal so far. Here’s some of them

i don’t know if any of them helped lol but they are worth a shot. 

 

3 different brands of Multivitamins

B complex 

5 different brands of Omega 3’s

Vitamin D

“Power Thought” Vitamin Mix

BrainMD neurovitamins

Magnesium Glycinate 

Lions Mane 

Gingko Bilboka 

Vitamin C

Krill Oil

Neuriva

 

 

Activities.

Work, I work at a hardware store, early withdrawl I worked 5 days a week, now I only work weekends. god I was such an idiot at work, my memory is so bad I forgot where every things located. And I definitely probably come off as odd to my coworkers but oh well. I constantly have to use my brain at work, and it probably helped a slight bit in my healing so far.

College, I attend classes 3 days a week and have online classes. I barely grasp anything we learn but I am still trying my best and it probably helps healing. 
 

Exercise, I jog about 5 times a week for a half hour, plus walking a lot at my job. Exercising is great for your  brain and body.

 

Video games, I play call of duty and it helps me with my focus and reaction times, spatial memory as well as I have to remember the map layouts. 
 

Journaling, early in withdrawl I journaled maybe about a total of ten times and then didn’t journal again until month 8. I just wasn’t able to write much but now that is improving and I try to write every so often. Plus it will help you keep track of progress.

 

Reading, I’m sure we all read a lot, checking up on symptoms and success stories. 
 

Drawing, I try to draw daily, most of the time it’s hard to draw because my brain can’t seem to think of things to draw about and my brain loses track of the drawing utensils location, it’s so weird to describe but I’m not able to detect the tip of the marker or pencil with like precision. So weird. But I just draw random shapes and stuff and I think it helps.

 

Listening to music, it just hits the spot, I find emotional music is really helpful, and if I’m lucky and if I really try on occasion I can force some tears out and I believe that’s a good thing and it might stimulate some emotional chemicals or something. Idk just a theory. Find some music with some meaningful lyrics, analyze the lyrics and apply them to your current position in life/withdrawal. It will help you view this struggle as artistic.
 

Guitar, I just started like 3 days ago, apparently it’s beneficial for cognition. 
 

at this point anything that stimulates your brain in a positive and non harmful way is worth a try in my opinion. If the door won’t open, break it down.

[username001]

I wish there was a way to confirm that all my problems are 100% withdrawal related. I found out that I have a chiari malformation type 1 last year when I was getting a bunch of tests ran due to my Zoloft medication withdrawl. I don’t know if my symptoms are withdrawal or because of that malformation. Almost all of the withdrawal symptoms can match up with chiari malformation. I have an appointment scheduled with the neurologist the 15th of December. I hope something is figured out.

[username001]

Does anyone have any experience with possibly trying another class of antidepressant during withdrawal? Maybe amtriptyline ?

[Colonial]

A great portion of this website is case story after case story of people being put on a second drug during withdrawal.

Either to outwit the withdrawal or because the withdrawal led them to be falsely diagnosed with anther supposed illness, like bi-polar or psychosis..

I can't remember more than a handful that thought it useful, to be quite honest.

The majority of what I have seen are just cases of people getting worse.

 

[ChessieCat]

32 minutes ago, username001 said:

Does anyone have any experience with possibly trying another class of antidepressant during withdrawal? Maybe amtriptyline ?

 

It is generally better to reinstate a small dose of the drug that is causing the withdrawal. 

 

If you start a new drug you may continue to experience withdrawal from the stopped drug and/or side effects/adverse effects from the newly started drug.  If you have issues it can be very difficult to know what is causing them.

 

Please note that SA is a site for tapering psychiatric drugs, not about which drug to try next.  SA's staff are unpaid volunteer peers, and not medical professionals.  Changing to a different drug is not something that we can help you with.  You will need to speak to your doctor regarding this, and the after care for this will be the doctor's responsibility.

 

About reinstatement:

 

If it has been longer than 2 months since you stopped the drug, then my suggestion, if you decide to reinstate (please note that I am not suggesting that you reinstate), would be to start with a very tiny dose as a test to see how you react to it.  If after at least one week there has been no issue you could then take a small amount more.  Please be aware that it takes about 4 days for dose to get to full strength in the blood and a bit longer for it to register in the brain.  Note that it is better increase by small amounts and wait at least a week before making another small increase if necessary.  Also, the idea of reinstatement isn't to get rid of withdrawal symptoms completely, but to bring them to a bearable level.

[username001]

Thank you for the advice I appreciate it, I’m just so lost and frustrated. I have no clue what my problems are From. I don’t know if it’s withdrawal or chiari malformation. The sad thing is I can’t even remember my past and when these symptoms first started, I’ve been dealing with some cognition issues for a while now and I didn’t realize it. I have a neurologist appointment the 15th of December and hopefully I can get some info.

[ChessieCat]

Have you seen this checklist?  It might help.  If it was me, I would research the symptoms of the chiari malformation and compare them to the list.  It might not give you definitive answers but it might help.

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen's WD Symptoms Checklist

 

Also:

 

are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

[username001]

Thank you for showing me the list, the symptoms of chiari are exactly the same as withdrawal. Oh geeez. I guess I’ll find out eventually what the issue is 

[ChessieCat]

Have you had an MRI to confirm the chiari malformation diagnosis?

[username001]

Yes I’m type 1, I never knew I had it until a year ago. Apparently cognitive issues are pretty common with chiari

[ChessieCat]

Mmmm, that would make it very difficult.  And I suppose just like withdrawal it comes and goes.  I have this happen due to a bulging disc in my lower back combined with narrowing of the spinal column and arthritis and I can be symptom free one minute and then the next I'm fidgeting trying to ease the discomfort in my left leg (thankfully not very often painful, but a "pain" all the same).  So keeping a symptom diary probably wouldn't help.

 

I can sense your frustration.  And it is understandable.

 

You might also find that you have or are still going through a grieving process because of the diagnosis.  This adds stress which can make withdrawal symptoms worse.  And possibly the chiari because your muscle would tense up.

[Sofa]

@username001

How are you feeling? Did your daydreaming ever get better?