Bestill: mirtazapine and being free

[slowphie]

Hey @BestillI’m so glad to read you’re doing a lot better! That’s excellent news. I’ve heard of so many people having waves that correspond with their menstrual cycle, so you’re definitely not alone there. Congrats on making it down to 7.3mg btw, you’re doing great! 

[marie123]

Hi Bestill. I like storms too. I watched a big one come in that was intense with wind, rain and hail. If a storm comes at night it seems to help me sleep. It gets better as you get lower so keep up your good taper. Marie.

[Bestill]

@marie123 Same!!! Except I have a golden retriever who isn’t a fan and sometimes ruins them for me.

 

@slowphie thanks for popping in.

 

Can’t stop. Won’t stop ladies!  I am very curious to see what fall and winter will bring and if things will be come a little more easier without the heat and allergies.  Fall is my favorite and I’m already eager for the smells, colors and cooler temps. It has been a hot summer!

[slowphie]

@Bestillit sure has 🥵 I’ve been burning over here, some really restless nights thanks to the heat. Last year’s summer was so much nicer imo, Berlin is truly not built for this kind of weather. I’m also hoping it cools down just a tad soon. 

[Bestill]

It has been one week since my last decrease to 7.1.  I was having a “normal” day and after dinner I was searching for something and completely forgot what I was searching for.  But it made my brain wonky and I went into a state of panic.  Just right out of the blue. This is my second one since tapering.  I am not a fan.  It passed but now I just feel exhausted and sick to my stomach.

 

I am appreciating all of my other withdrawals now and won’t be complaining anymore after experiencing what I did this evening.

 

Now it’s the self talk of I’m not going backwards, this is just a little blip.  This has been a month of tapering more than I usually do.  Nothing beyond the 10% in 4 weeks but that’s a lot for me.  Just need to let things settle.

 

Right now, I just hate how I feel right now.  It’s not fun.

[Chlo]

3 hours ago, Bestill said:

It has been one week since my last decrease to 7.1.  I was having a “normal” day and after dinner I was searching for something and completely forgot what I was searching for.  But it made my brain wonky and I went into a state of panic.  Just right out of the blue. This is my second one since tapering.  I am not a fan.  It passed but now I just feel exhausted and sick to my stomach.

 

I am appreciating all of my other withdrawals now and won’t be complaining anymore after experiencing what I did this evening.

 

Now it’s the self talk of I’m not going backwards, this is just a little blip.  This has been a month of tapering more than I usually do.  Nothing beyond the 10% in 4 weeks but that’s a lot for me.  Just need to let things settle.

 

Right now, I just hate how I feel right now.  It’s not fun.

I'm so sorry you experienced such a harsh panic attack. I too was getting them once or twice a day and they outrank any of the wd symptoms. 

I really don't even like talking about them because I'm afraid it will trigger another one. 

Let's just thank God it's just a wd symptom and some day soon we will not have them anymore (period)

Guess what, you made it through this little blip and it passed and your ok and tomorrow is a new day. 

Praying you have a restful night with sweet dreams of Jesus ❤️  ☮️  💤 

[Bestill]

@Chlo not fun and yes we don’t have to talk about it.  Thing in the past.  Feeling a little worn out.  Thunderstorms on the radar today so that means a rest day.  
 

The cool thing is that everything passes.  I know there will be moments of discomfort.  I just keep holding on until the day those moments are just s blurr.

 

❤️

[marie123]

Hello Bestill. You are getting into the 6's soon and doing well with your taper. I have noticed that these blips of discomfort become less intense when you get to the lower doses. This is something to look forward to. I am very forgetful but I know it it the meds. Non-medicated my brain works pretty well lol. Keep up your good taper and be well. Marie.

[Ariel]

Hi @Bestill

Sorry to hear you are having a rough drop. 

It's mind-blowing how WD symptoms can descend upon us in one fell swoop.

And sometimes leave again just as unexpectedly. 

 

3 hours ago, Bestill said:

The cool thing is that everything passes.  I know there will be moments of discomfort.  I just keep holding on until the day those moments are just s blurr.

 

Yes, exactly. 

Thank you for these wise words. 

You are smart and tough and brave!

You got this <3

 

I have complete confidence in you. 

Hope you find relief soon. 

Sending hugs and healing vibes <3

A.

[Bestill]

@Ariel and @marie123 thank you!!!  It can leave unexpectedly right now.  I just have the aftermath of not feeling well and every withdrawal symptom as once.  These are the days where I am so grateful for all of you because it’s a been there done that.  You get me.

 

I cannot wait to get lower.  I am already seeing good things at the dose now (besides last night and today) compared to when I first started.  It’s very promising. 
 

Im also grateful for the ability to rest right now and the kids understanding.  I have great support at home too.

❤️

 

[Bestill]

I seem to be going in and out of this wave.  One minute I feel fine and the next it hits hard.

 

this morning was going great.  I felt good and was ready to take the dog for a walk.  I was thinking to myself, this might be a 3 mile day today.  Hahaha, I should have known better.  1 mile in away from my house it’s like my sugar levels crashed.  I was feeling dizzy and anxious.  I was like, I gotta get home, I gotta get home.  I got home, crammed bacon in my mouth and made protein pancakes.  I am laying down now and feeling a tinch better but dang.

 

I am also noticing the heat is beginning to bother me.  Even hot showers.  I have been doing pretty well all summer this far and then surprise, my tapering gifts me this.  Thank you taper! 🥴

 

Its funny because I thought summer would be the time to heal and really focus on my taper.  I changed my mind.  Winter is the time to taper.  It’s cold and it’s the time to cozy up on the couch and lay under blankets.  That’s when you taper folks.  🤪

 

Trying to find some joy in my day but my grumpy pants are on and they are tied tight.  I am so trying to find humor in all of this.  ❤️  Stupid Mirtazapine….

[slowphie]

I'm sorry you're getting hit by those waves @bestill I had a few sugar-crash waves a few months ago, and it was pretty awful. One of them occurred in the cinema, and that was particularly bad - even put me off going back to the movies for a while. 

All my withdrawal friends are struggling with summer tbh. Especially us Europeans, it's been pretty intense this year. I haven't looked forward to Autumn this much since I was around 16. Come on September! Hope you feel much better soon. ❤️ 

 

[Ariel]

@Bestill

I'm sorry about the wavy wobbly. 

 

57 minutes ago, Bestill said:

Trying to find some joy in my day but my grumpy pants are on and they are tied tight.  I am so trying to find humor in all of this.

 

You're doing great <3

 

Hugs and healing vibes,

A.

[marie123]

Hello Bestill. I cannot tolerate the heat either Bestill. I start overheating and feel a bit dizzy. A lot of ADs cause heat intolerance. The Spring weather also kicks up allergy symptoms which ramps up w/d. Can't wait to be off.  I do much better in the winter tapering. Hang in there. Marie.

[Faure]

Sorry to hear you’re hitting waves - hope they calm down and your next drop goes more smoothly. Is it cooling down there? Here in the UK we seem to be through the worst of the heat for the moment, 🤞

[Bestill]

I decreased to 6.9.  Out of the 7’s.  Usually I’m super excited to get down to the next number but I’m like, meh…..

 

This hasn’t been a fantastic month.  Lots of ups and downs and mostly downs.  Waiting for another period to grace my presence.  Pms has been the worse yet and started right at ovulation.  Fun fun!

 

Had some stress over the weekend so my body has been wound up and now it’s relaxing but I feel like it’s punishing me for getting my body and mind in a tizzy.  Stress and hormones……it’s like the perfect storm. 
 

Have i mentioned I am ready for fall!  And winter never looked so good!  🤪

 

❤️❤️

[Gigi68]

Hi Bestill, congratulations on getting into the 6’s! I always celebrate when getting to a lower number. That’s a big accomplishment! My next drop will be into the 1’s. Never thought I’d get there but it’s just around the corner. You will get there too. I have spent the summer in Montana where it has been hotter than in Southern Arizona where I live in the winter. I am ready for some cooler temperatures. Hope you are feeling better.

[Bestill]

@gigi68 I can’t wait for cooler weather.  Like I have ants in my pants about it.

 

August hasn’t been my favorite month but I am thankful that June and July were pretty good to me with some bumps along the way.  
 

Bit by bit we just keep chipping away.  ❤️

[Bestill]

I think I have hit my worse wave yet.  Thursday was a wonderful day and was feeling pretty ok.  Like it was a definite relief.  Friday I spend 2 and half hours cleaning and by the afternoon it hit.  Yesterday morning I was feeling ok and then we had a two hour drive to go pick up a new puppy. I started to get really bad anxiety.  It calmed down on the way home but by last night, I wasn’t feeling well.  Slept like garbage with the new puppy but it was more so my other dog.  I just feel like I got hit by a bus.  I did start work back up this week too.  I feel like everything that happened was good.  I was excited to get back to work, excited for the dog.  

i tapered 2 weeks ago and was going to taper again Tomorrow  but I don’t think that’s going to happen.

 

Main symptoms:  shortness of breath, feels like someone is sitting on my chest, tingles throughout body, lots of appetite and upset stomach.  I haven’t felt like this since I started Mirtazapine.  I’m not fearful but feel like this will never pass.  This is such a bummer.  
 

This past month has been mainly downs with a few ups but this takes it to a new level.

 

This will pass.  This will pass!

[Bestill]

Day 5 of this wave and it’s been a doozy and I’m struggling.  Just resting and trying to stay calm.  I hate anxiety.  It doesn’t allow for anything.  
 

Has anyone struggled through a really bad wave?  I don’t even know what I need to hear someone to say.  Just that they have been there and it will pass.

 

I do have moments of feeling ok, so I take that as a good sign.  I also feel better when the meds kick in as well.  I keep telling myself that this is all good happening and that my body is going through some major healing.

[marie123]

Hi Bestill. Sometimes I get uptick in symptoms when the weather starts changing. Where I am it's been cloudy and raining for some days. I have always noticed an increase in systems when the seasons change going into spring and then going into fall. Right now I have an uptick in w/d symptoms so I won't cut early like my plan was. I have also noticed that whenever this happens once it's over I feel especially good. I bet that's what will happen to you too. Marie.

[Bestill]

@marie123

 

Thank you for your reply.  This has been a major uptick in symptoms.  August was not great but last 5 days make that month look like a breeze.  I’m just going to keep holding.  Taking time off from work too as I just don’t want added stress.  
 

Im sorry you are feeling an uptick.  I feel like you have been through a lot and handle it all with grace.  I try but sometimes it’s just really uncomfortable.

 

I had a doc appt yesterday.  This was with my OB.  I needed a refill of Mirtazapine and she almost wouldn’t do it.  It’s a good thing that I am a good talker and talked her into it.  I also made her my primary because I didn’t like anyone else.  Anyway, lots of adrenaline yesterday and feel like I’m getting hit hard today.  
 

Thanks again for your reply.  I really hope after this I feel tons better.  

[marie123]

Hi Bestill. When talking to your doctor I would not want to mention having trouble tapering, different w/d symptoms, etc. She seems to be a bit hesitant to renew your script so I would suggest that. I did just that with Mirt until I had an over-supply of it. I will never run out even if my doc says he can't give me another script. Marie.

[Bestill]

@marie123I was being open about my taper.  Didn’t say much in regards to tapering.  She just wasn’t familiar with it and wanted to make sure I had support while tapering and recommended I see a psychologist who works with a psychiatrist.  I was like been there.  After my explanation she was on board.  Took a hot second.

 

All is good and I have a two year supply right now the way it breaks down.  Will that get me to the end?  I don’t know.  But I have faith.

 

Thanks for being so great!

[Bestill]

This weekend has been a lot better.  Today still being a little shakey.  Still, it’s better.  
 

I am still holding because my body doesn’t seem quite stable and if I were to decrease I may feel horrible symptoms like I did this last week.  It lasted 6 days and I actually missed 3 days of work because of it.  
 

The weather is all over the place, the stress is calming down and the puppy is getting easier.  The air hunger has been really bad as well as the upper back pain.

 

I did read the mood cure and I’m glad it didn’t cost me much.  The nutritional part was everything I was already doing.  The amino acids they want you to take can actually make anxiety worse.  Add in the antidepressant and I feel like that is a recipe for disaster.  I will keep focusing on my nutrition.

 

One day at a time.

[Bestill]

I have been withdrawal normal for the last 5 days or so beside the awful air hunger.  My allergies are horrible right now.  Never been this bad so I am blaming Mirtazapine on it all.  If I didn’t have the air hunger, the withdrawals would be a breeze except for last week.  😉

 

I decreased to 6.7 mg making a little closer to the half way point.  

For a while I was feeling pretty down in the dumps but in the past week it’s like all the positivity came back and I welcome it.  
 

We have cooler weather on the way and I truly hope is helps some.  No missed work this week but there were some struggles.

 

I do feel like my pattern has changed a little.  Evening used to be where I felt the worse and now I feel like it’s moved to mid mornings.  🤷‍♀️
 

I just try to roll with it.  

[Faure]

Glad to hear you’re feeling back to WD normal and are not down in the dumps anymore. Keep going!

[Gigi68]

Glad to hear you are feeling better. Our weather has cooled off and I’m really enjoying it. 

[Bestill]

I thought I would write an update on how things are going.  October has been better compared to August and September.  Even saw some good days with some so-so evenings.  I also had some not so good days but I got through.  I am down to 6.3 now.   
 

I was hoping to decrease this past Monday but it didn’t happen.  I’m in another wave and it’s not a good one.  I think the thing that messes with me the most is the thought of never getting through the wave.  I have gotten through everyone before so why not now.  The mind is super tricky and I’m trying very hard to just flow with it.  
 

I am also trying to figure out what is too much in regards to working, exercise, cleaning and so on.  When I think that I’m doing less and less is it still not enough?  This whole journey is a wild one, that’s for sure.  
 

These waves just come out of the blue  and I wasn’t expecting it, but then again, do any of us really expect it.

I also just got over a horrible period so I’m wondering if that made the wave worse.  The weather has been all over the place.  Understaffed at work. Kid has been sick all week so I’m home.  I guess when we don’t think we are stressed our body tells a different story.

 

Symptoms: 

anxiety and over thinking things

tingles in hands and legs 

loss of appetite 

chest pains

air hinger

fatigue

nausea and stomach upset

loss of motivation because of the above.

 

 

I am trying to be gentle with myself.  The worse of it has only been a few days. I feel like I’m going really slow too.  🤷‍♀️  This too shall pass. ❤️

 

I hope everyone else is doing well.

 

❤️

 

 

[Gigi68]

Hello Bestill,

I’m sorry to hear you are struggling so much. I just want to let you know that I also often have had feelings that I would never get through a wave, or quit having nausea, or be able to sleep or whatever nasty thing is going on. But, you’re right- it’s just mirt messing with my mind. It always passes. You will get through this! 
Hugs,

Gigi

[Bestill]

Thank you @Gigi68. I read on here that when we are feeling our worse, that means are body is doing the most healing and I like to believe that.  So I hold onto that and talk to my body and tell it you do what you need to do to feel better.  
 

I am not suffering most of the time.  There are moments when I don’t want to move but for the most part, I’m just uncomfortable to very uncomfortable. This still stinks but at least I can manage for the most part.  I am blessed to still have my sleep. 
 

For the last couple of days I just feel like I have the stomach flu.  It’s not the stomach flu. On the positive, I’m losing some of the mirt weight-water weight I have put on.  See, always a bright side. 🙂

 

One step closer to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  Again, thank you for your uplifting words.  Exactly what I needed to hear.

 

❤️

 

 

 

 

[Faure]

Hey @Bestill, sorry to hear you have hit a wave. It sounds like you have so much on, so many balls to keep in the air. It’s very hard at work for you, being understaffed and with demanding children. Hang on, it will pass.  Try to take it as easy as you can and avoid anything you really don’t have to do. I too feel like a wave will last for ages, and has been around for ever, even when evidence is to the contrary. I do find that after a tricky patch I often feel better than I did before, so like you say, healing is very likely taking place.  Keep us posted ❤️

[marie123]

Hello Bestill. I hope you are feeling better today. When my stomach feels like that I just eat light and I lose some weight. You are right about the water weight. Mirt makes me so puffy, but it's finally improving as I get lower. A good hold makes everything so much better so hold for a while. I'm holding now and it will be over 2 months when I taper again. Maybe take some time off from work and rest up. Marie.

[Bestill]

@Faure and @marie123 thank you!

 

Dare I say I feel pinch better today.  I was able to eat this morning but I have the awesome tummy gurgles and feeling a little unsettled.  
 

I just really am not a fan of the anxiety, but I constantly keeping telling myself this isn’t you.  It just hasn’t been a problem until Sept.
 

I did take the whole week off but I was also tending to a sick boy, so I was resting but on high alert.  So its kind of a wash.  I plan on nothing for the next two days.  As for work, I will see how it goes.  Everyone knows what’s going on and are very supportive.  Some have even been there and know the feeling.  
 

Question?  Do any of you ever feel the longer you hold, the worse you feel?  Like you just need to keep going? Or is this all in my head?  I definitely don’t want to rush the process at all.  Just some thoughts I have had.

 

Have a good weekend everyone!

 

❤️

[marie123]

Hi Bestill. I get that where I feel I'm holding too long and start to feel worse. I believe it's the side effects you start to feel more when you hold. Sometimes if I cut I start to feel better (less side effects). I think also it can go the other way where it is too early to cut. It's hard to figure out sometimes but after a while you kind of get into a rhythm and sort of know. It's a balance between the side effects and the cutting. When I can't decide I go back and look how I've been cutting in the last few months. If I see a couple quicker cuts I know I better hold a big longer, since the cuts could be adding up. If I have a lot of stress/change of seasons I hold too. Sometimes I just say the hell with it and cut. Taking care of a sick child would give anybody stress. I see that your last cut was 20 days ago. I know the feeling of wanting to cut, but I would hold longer if I were you.

 

The weather here keeps changing and I think it's driving me mad. It's cold then it feels like a sunny spring day, back and forth. It ticks my s/e's and withdrawal off. Getting sensations of some restless legs today. It seems to be changing daily. It makes you nuts. It's good that you are feeling a bit better today. Marie.

[Chlo]

9 hours ago, Bestill said:

@Faure and @marie123 thank you!

 

Dare I say I feel pinch better today.  I was able to eat this morning but I have the awesome tummy gurgles and feeling a little unsettled.  
 

I just really am not a fan of the anxiety, but I constantly keeping telling myself this isn’t you.  It just hasn’t been a problem until Sept.
 

I did take the whole week off but I was also tending to a sick boy, so I was resting but on high alert.  So its kind of a wash.  I plan on nothing for the next two days.  As for work, I will see how it goes.  Everyone knows what’s going on and are very supportive.  Some have even been there and know the feeling.  
 

Question?  Do any of you ever feel the longer you hold, the worse you feel?  Like you just need to keep going? Or is this all in my head?  I definitely don’t want to rush the process at all.  Just some thoughts I have had.

 

Have a good weekend everyone!

 

❤️

@Bestill @maria323yes, I feel this way as well. It seems that during the first 1-3 of dropping I feel a lot better. Then the longer I hold, like 2 weeks+ I start feeling more side effects/adverse reaction. It has been this way since I started my Lexapro taper over a year ago. Lexapro never worked for me, so I'm dealing with side effects all the way through this taper along with wd from the Celexa that stopped working after 20 years 😕 I will be flying to New Mexico to visit my sister on Monday, so I'm holding til I get back making my holding time 4 weeks.

I am stressing because tomorrow night we set clocks back 1 hour, then when I get to NM they are 1 hour back from Texas where I'm from. I'm so worried I will have heightened symptoms from the time differences. I think I'm going to go ahead and set my clock back for daylight savings time and then set my cell phone time to texas time instead of the automatic time change on my phone. 🤔 Does that make sense, lol, you got me?