Temporary1286: Clomipramine took away who I am

[Temporary1286]

Greetings, after what has been almost three months suffering from a wide array of changes and symptoms that began once I stopped taking Clomipramine (Anafranil), I have finally decided to make a post here and seek out help. I was initially against it because I thought I would be digging myself deeper into a hole, but see no alternative at the moment in regards to finding hope and assistance.

 

This really all began when I started taking Clomipramine, but manifested itself as mainly ED related problems. Nothing like emotion and attraction seemed to have been affected while I was taking Clomipramine. I was given this medication to “attempt” to help with OCD, and Depression aswell as Anxiety.

 

I have always been a straight male (24), with a healthy sex life. I have always found women attractive, and had no issues before taking and stopping Clomipramine. The issues arose around Dec 22nd of 2021, and I will describe them below:

 

As I stopped taking Clomipramine, I found a number of hellish side effects or symptoms that began upon cessation. These include below:

 

-Lack of Emotions (Not sure how to describe this)

 

-Lack of Attraction to Women (Definitely has been the MOST difficult to bear)

 

-Sexual side effects: such as Low Libido and what first started as inability to get erect, but around the middle of February I noticed subtle improvement in this department. I now am struggling with pre-mature ejaculation, almost to an incredible degree. I am able to get erect, but it is difficult, and I have pleasureless orgasms.

-Incredible amounts of anxiety over this entire situation, and feelings of complete despair and hopelessness. It’s odd because I almost feel the things I have been going through in my dreams aswell.

 

The only thing I experienced while on the drug was ED, and difficulty reaching climax. It seems everything else began once I stopped taking it. I have taken anti-depressants in the past without issue upon ceasing them. I did smoke Marijuana while taking anti-depressants in the past, and smoked it once or twice while using Clomipramine.

 

I was actually hospitalized for about half a month in January of 2022, because of how difficult this has all been. I feel hopeless, and completely lost. I am unable to live life without my sexuality, and feel betrayed and angered that the medication I was given to help me ended up doing this instead. The Dr. I have narrows it down to my OCD, and Anxiety. He almost refuses to recognize what I am dealing with.

 

I will admit some concern over what part OCD might be playing in all of this, and if I am making everything worse with what has been called my “sticky brain” (attachment to problems and inability to stop thinking about them, researching about them, and worrying about them).

 

I am looking for hope from people who’ve been in the same situation. I’ve looked online for people who’ve mentioned lack of attraction and recovery but have found few stories if any. It’s all been very surreal, and any assistance might be beneficial at this point.

 

Thank you, and sorry for the length of my post.

 

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @Temporary1286

 

This should be a comfort to you: People commonly experience sexual dysfunction while taking antidepressants, and less commonly experience it after they come off the drugs, when it's called PSSD.

 

We have seen that this resolves very slowly over months, similar to other withdrawal symptoms. This can be frustrating, but that you have seen some improvement in your sexual functioning is a good sign.

 

Very commonly, taking antidepressants causes emotional anesthesia even after coming off, which again very gradually fades over months.

 

Please try not to worry and allow yourself to naturally recover. Many people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you. Please let us know how you’re doing.

 

 

 

[Temporary1286]

Unfortunately, not doing great at all. This is to me extremely tragic and I almost find myself in a state of disbelief throughout the majority of my days.

 

Thank you for your reply, and I am aware of what PSSD is, (unfortunately found all the stories of doom and horror online very quickly) and it doesn’t look good at all.

 

For me it seems to be relatively severe, delving into attraction and emotion and thus why I believe recovery is off the table.

 

Not too sure what to do or say at the moment. I am a ghost.

[Temporary1286]

I will also add that so don’t think I have experienced any “windows and waves” as I have seen many describe in this site and others. I also don’t see many mentioning things like lack of attraction, and no one ever seems to be able to provide insight on this.

 

Anyways, thank you for your reply once again.

[getofflex]

Hello.  I'm very sorry that you are going through this.  I can certainly understand why you are feeling shocked and grieved over this. These drugs have taken away a very important part of your life.  There are days I'm in a state of disbelief for what these drugs have done to me, too.  Do you have any other symptoms?  Here are some more links with information about withdrawal from psych meds.  I hope they help!  

 

Can you please give us specific information in your signature about your drug history for all drugs you are on and have been on, especially for the past 18-24 months?  It would be especially helpful to have the details of your drugs in a concise vertical list (no symptoms), only drug names, specific dates (as best you can say for example early March if you don't recall the day) and dosages of each medication decrease or increase.  Use this format:

 

Drug name: date, dose, date, dose, date, dose…

Drug name: date, dose, date, dose, date, dose…

Etcetera

 

Please read the link below for instructions.  This will allow us to give you the best guidance.  

 

How to List Drug History in Signature

 

Here is some information about how these drugs actually work.   This explains why we get symptoms from going off of these medications.

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Here is a link with checklists of common WD symptoms: 

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen Withdrawal Symptom Checklists

 

 

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: 

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

Please keep in touch, and let us know how you are doing.  

 

Edited March 21, 2022 by getofflex

[getofflex]

PSSD in Withdrawal

[Altostrata]

5 hours ago, Temporary1286 said:

I will also add that so don’t think I have experienced any “windows and waves” as I have seen many describe in this site and others. I also don’t see many mentioning things like lack of attraction, and no one ever seems to be able to provide insight on this.

 

Anyways, thank you for your reply once again.

 

Deadening of emotion and lack of attraction are not unusual for post-antidepressant sexual dysfunction. As you've described it, there is no reason to think yours will not resolve -- but you will need to be patient, because it could take many months.

[Temporary1286]

Thank you for the reply’s. I will admit that you all are very kind, and it’s quite a difference from other forums surrounding things like these. Those places are full of horror stories, and void of any hope in a thousand mile radius. Thousands of people claiming they have never recovered, leading me to believe it’s hopeless.

 

The biggest issue for me seems to be this disconnect between attraction, function, and emotion. I don’t know if I have Anhedonia, but the worst symptom of all seems to be a deafening in attraction and emotion towards the opposite sex. I have not found too many people who even mention this, and when I do it’s never usually good news. The odd part is I only experienced ED while on the medication (Clomipramine). While taking it and for some time after I took Clonazepam aswell to help lower anxiety.

 

I have taken anti-depressants before, and quite a few last year in an attempt to find one that worked. None of them caused anything like this upon ceasing them, but all of them had ED related side effects while I took them.

 

(I am in the process of requesting a complete transcript of medications I took from Jan 2021-Oct 2021 now, and will add them to the signature when I hear back.)

 

The crook who prescribed all of these is nowhere to be found, proclaiming that he’s never seen this before in his life, and pinning it mostly on overthinking and psychological stress. The anger that gives me is indescribable.

 

It’s exhausting, and I feel for all of you who’ve either gone through this or still may be going through some of it. It’s warming to hear that some of you have “recovered” or improved drastically.

[Altostrata]

2 hours ago, Temporary1286 said:

The biggest issue for me seems to be this disconnect between attraction, function, and emotion. I don’t know if I have Anhedonia, but the worst symptom of all seems to be a deafening in attraction and emotion towards the opposite sex

 

Believe it or not, this is normal for only a few months off an antidepressant, and people do slowly recover -- but you will have to be patient for many months. It may be helpful for you to stop fixating on your sexual feelings while nature takes its course, you're adding unnecessary anxiety to the situation.

 

Many people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you. Please let us know how you’re doing.

[ChessieCat]

3 hours ago, Temporary1286 said:

The anger that gives me is indescribable.

 

It is understandable to be angry about this.  However, just like Alto mentioned above about not fixating on your (lack of) sexual feelings because it causes unnecessary anxiety, being angry about something, and in this case it is something that you cannot do anything about/change, adds a lot of stress.  Anxiety and stress may slow the recovery process.

 

Even though it can be difficult to do, learning to accept what has happened is important and can assist recovery because your body is less stressed/anxious:

 

Acceptance

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

[Temporary1286]

Thank you again for more replies.

 

That is somewhat warming, Alostrata. Although I can’t seem to lose the sight of the thousands of “permanent” cases online that I have seen. It’s something that really kills morale and hope very quickly. For me it’s officially been two months and 28 days off of the Clomipramine, and feel as if I don’t understand how things could change if they’ve already been cemented in this way after ceasing the medication.

 

I have been taking fish oil for maybe three weeks now, but don’t notice much. I know these supplements and vitamins work very, very slowly.

 

And thank you for your reply aswell, Chess.

[ChessieCat]

4 minutes ago, Temporary1286 said:

Although I can’t seem to lose the sight of the thousands of “permanent” cases online that I have seen.

 

It's similar to the service that people get when doing business.  Complainers generally tell more people about the issues they have had than the ones who were happy with the service.

 

From https://open.lib.umn.edu/principlesmarketing/chapter/14-3-customer-satisfaction/

 

Quote

We know that dissatisfied customers are likely to tell many more friends about their negative experiences than satisfied customers are about good experiences.

 

And it tends to be the people with issues that are active online, needing assistance with their issue/s.  And just like people who are well or recovering don't keep going to see a doctor, people who are feeling improvement after a bad experience with or getting off their psychiatric drug, generally go about their lives and don't return to the sites that they had posted on.

 

It's amazing how many members have returned after a long hiatus stating that they had forgotten all about SA and that something reminded them and they returned to update.  They seem to be the members who gained a lot of encouragement from reading about other members' improvements and recoveries so they want to come back to encourage others because they know how important it is.  I imagine that there would be others who remember and plan to return (but cannot straight away because they are busy) and then don't get around to it, some might decide not to (because it can be triggering to recall what they went through), some might not realise how helpful their recovery story is to others, and some might not care.

 

success-stories-recovery-from-psychiatric-drug-withdrawal

[Temporary1286]

Thank you for your reply ChessieCat.

 

So from what I am gathering three months is still considered early in this process? From what I have told you, do you believe I have a chance at recovery? This is directed at Alostrata and ChessieCat.

 

Thanks again for your assistance.

 

Temporary

[ChessieCat]

On 3/21/2022 at 10:00 AM, Altostrata said:

We have seen that this resolves very slowly over months, similar to other withdrawal symptoms. This can be frustrating, but that you have seen some improvement in your sexual functioning is a good sign.

 

Alto has already answered this question.

[Temporary1286]

Apologies. I didn’t seem to notice her response.

 

It is the bleakness and disbelief in recovery that has me bed bound at the moment. Something I am trying to convince myself otherwise. It feels so permanent, almost as if I am unable to even remember what life was like prior to taking and coming off that pill. Something that seems to be stuck in my head was a post from someone that says if you pass the three month mark you’re doomed, which I know is a little premature and overly “doomish” but it’s hard to understand that right now.

 

I appreciate all of the responses you’ve given me. You certainly didn’t have to give me any of your time, but you did. For that, thank you.

 

Temporary

[getofflex]

Please read some of the success stories in the link above from ChessieCat.  This will help you to overcome your disbelief in recovery. 

[Altostrata]

5 hours ago, Temporary1286 said:

It is the bleakness and disbelief in recovery that has me bed bound at the moment.

 

You need to get up and about, this will help you recover.

[Temporary1286]

 

Is there a place specific for PSSD? I am having a hard time finding those stories within that link.
 

For some reason the lack of attraction bit has me thinking I’m some sort of severe outlier case. I can’t find many posts or forums that mention it.

 

@Altostrata I plan to start trying to get up tomorrow.

 

Thanks once again for the replies.

 

Temporary

[ChessieCat]

52 minutes ago, Temporary1286 said:

For some reason the lack of attraction bit has me thinking I’m some sort of severe outlier case.

 

Many members feel this way about any particular symptom which is distressing.

 

It's a good idea to remind yourself that you have noticed improvement.  However, if you continue to focus on the issue, then it may be more difficult to notice further small improvements.  Even though it may be difficult, it is possibly better to try to distract yourself regarding the issue/s and then down the track you may realise, upon looking back, that there has been some more improvement.

[Temporary1286]

Something I find difficult to understand regarding homeostasis and recovery, is that shouldn’t the brain recovery anyways regardless of where you are, what you are doing, or what you are thinking?

 

Each day becomes progressively more difficult waking up to virtually no improvement, in turn lowering morale and making things harder. If my brain was going to recover and heal, I would have assumed it would’ve done that months ago, and fail to understand why or how it’s possible for it to do it in the future. It’s like hoping for a miracle.

 

Temporary

[Altostrata]

8 hours ago, Temporary1286 said:

Each day becomes progressively more difficult waking up to virtually no improvement, in turn lowering morale and making things harder.

 

From your posts, it appears your expectations and attitude are contributing a lot to this. Suggest you look at how you can manage this and work more optimistically towards healing. What are you doing for exercise?

 

 

[Temporary1286]

It’s very difficult to try to see a light at the end of the tunnel when you can’t. I am sure initially you might have dealt with this aswell. The only other Clomipramine (Anafranil) related PSSD case I found on SA resulted in the death of the user (incredibly unfortunate and I feel for him). I apologize in being so gloomy, it’s just incredibly difficult right now.

 

I am going to start incorporating some running and weightlifting tomorrow. Starting to take Magnesium Citrate.

Added Vitamin B to daily intake.

Trying to be as patient as possible, and moving myself to remind myself of this.

[Altostrata]

Good idea to stay active -- but don't overdo it.

 

People cope with this differently. You might work with a coach or psychotherapist to learn ways to cope with your tendency to expect the worst.

 

[Temporary1286]

I was going to ask you, @Altostrata, how you managed to cope in your darkest days of PSSD and withdrawal. Is there anything you told yourself? Take it five minutes at a time?

I am trying my best now to come up with something, and have made a pledge to now avoid researching or looking up any more PSSD stories be it recovery or failures starting this evening. Seeing some horror stories tends to set me down a path of no return regarding anxiety and hopelessness.

 

I appreciate the assistance and advice all of you have offered. It’s quite a shock to me, as I am used to doom and gloom and only doom and gloom.

[ChessieCat]

Link to the search for PSSD in the Success Stories forum:

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/search/?q=pssd

[Temporary1286]

Thanks, although some 40 odd success stories out of say 2000 posts on here is pretty grim.

 

I’ll be signing off of SA for a while now. It’s gotten the better of me. I don’t know if I am strong enough to cope with it, especially having experienced life without this “condition”.

 

Thanks for all the links and advice.

 

Temporary

[Altostrata]

The people who have greater problems are more likely to persist in posting about them, correct?

[Temporary1286]

I’m just not able to cope. I just can’t do it.

 

I wake up every day with a barren brain. After three months there has been no changes.

 

To say this is hell on Earth would be an understatement. I’m sure you understand how this feels to some extent.

 

Thanks for all the advice and kind words.

[Parisien]

Hello @Temporaire1286  I am in exactly the same situation as you.  With the difference that I took seroplex and brintellix 10 and 5mg.  How long did you take your treatment?  Me two years in all and for all.  I stopped for a month and I cracked I had too many side effects and I started again.  Like you, stop everything three months ago.  At first I had dizziness, quite violent headaches and an intolerance to noise and light.  It disappeared in about two months, I would say.  I went running yesterday and today it did me good.  Not at the time because it's very difficult, but after the fact I feel that I feel a little better.  I am a 31 year old man and for me the worst thing is insomnia.  This is why it is necessary to forge this to move the day to take care of the spirit and to play sports it brings good fatigue and not to wake up in the middle of the night without being able to go back to sleep.  Concerning the sexual part I also have a premature ejaculation which has not evolved at all.  Under antidepressant I could ejaculate in 1 hour today it's the complete opposite.  It is the treatment that caused this because even in severe depression before taking the treatment my sexuality was completely normal.  My penis has also shrunk during the meal, not in erection you had that too?  A member of this site says he no longer has premature ejaculation and a size that is back to normal.  Personally, I take a lot on myself, I think the brain needs to get used to going to bed at regular times and have a real rhythm of life, although those are very difficult, I fight against that every day.  And even when I manage to sleep in the morning I wake up as if I hadn't slept properly, it's not restorative like sleep.  Magnesium or fish oil may be fine but you get magnesium in foods even in certain waters that contain a lot of it.  Above all, you need to eat healthy, have a regular sleep pattern, play sports.  Then for the rest only time will tell.  Personally I leave myself two years to see the evolution then I will advise.  Because I want children to live together as a couple and a so-called "normal" life, which is not the case today.  I very much regret having taken this too without knowing that it would harm me.  Don't hesitate if you need to talk I'm here don't give up

[Parisien]

Sorry for my broken English I am French I use a translator

[cosmo86]

On 3/26/2022 at 1:45 PM, Temporary1286 said:

I’m just not able to cope. I just can’t do it.

 

I wake up every day with a barren brain. After three months there has been no changes.

 

To say this is hell on Earth would be an understatement. I’m sure you understand how this feels to some extent.

 

Thanks for all the advice and kind words.

 

Hi man.

English is not my native language so I apologize for any mistakes.

 

I’m in the same boat as you.

I took Clomipramine, Mianserin (replaced by Trazodone for 4/5 months) and Clonazepam for about 2 years and half but I start suffering from ED only after 2 years of use. 

Now I’m 5 months off the drugs, i take only 0.1 mg of Clonazepam any other day but I still suffer from severe ED.

 

I feel you man, it’s like living in hell.

I struggle every day to get out of the bed.

If you want to talk I’m here!

 

[Altostrata]

There are hundreds of members active on this site right now with similar symptoms. They are typical of protracted withdrawal syndrome.

[Temporary1286]

@Altostrata Would you mind telling me if you experienced a lack of attraction as part of your symptoms? I know you said you recovered from PSSD, so I am quite curious.

[Ben190]

18 hours ago, Temporary1286 said:

@Altostrata Would you mind telling me if you experienced a lack of attraction as part of your symptoms? I know you said you recovered from PSSD, so I am quite curious.

I am pretty sure she had a lack of attraction but only @Altostrata can answer it

[Altostrata]

@Temporary1286 I had many withdrawal symptoms as well as PSSD. In many ways, PSSD was the least of my problems. I was very ill and not in any position to worry about lack of attraction to potential sexual partners.

 

Please do not tag me again asking about my sexual history. I am not going to engage any further in your preoccupation. I encourage you to see a therapist to find ways to manage it.

[Temporary1286]

A little rude don’t you think? I apologize for making you upset, was definitely not the intention.