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Tony Scott


Wolfhound
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I was shocked to learn about his death. More shocked when learning that he had no cancer as had been told before and that he had mirtazapine and lunesta in blood in therapeutic level (guess we are talking about mirtazapine). He did not seem depressed, he had a lot of plans and he was thrilled with them, according to his friends.

I wonder, i very much wonder. Mirtazapine gave me enormous overwhelming feelings to cut my throut, to hang myself, urges to kill people using axes, urges to kill whoever using power sew, fantasizing about killing everybody everywhere using a good gun. The bridges were inviting me to jump, unfortunately they still are, it was like come, come, jump and you find peace. The windows were urging me to do tge same. Every knife was smiling at me telling me cut, cut your throut, do this, cut you neighborough, cut this child walking down the street. Every string was inviting me, the bath, the rivers were too...

I know we will never know his motive. But i wonder so much.

Put on trazadone for 8 weeks. Psychic akathisia started on 100 mg. Not a single doctor believed me telling me it is all anxiety in my head. Terrible suicidal urges. Got voluntary hospitalised. Acknoledged adverse reaction, put me off cold turkey. Instalated mirtazapine to block the reaction of trazadone. 5 weeks on mirtazapine.acathisia worsened, suicidal, homicidal urges. Nobody believed. Finally they stopped mirtazapine cold turkey. My heighest dose of trazadone was 200 mg, of mirtazapine 30 mg. Since the c/t, suicidal, acathisia continuing.

tried promethazine for sleep. Tried atarax. Currently taking klonopin for 10 days. Good for sleep, but my condition worsening. Unable to tell if it is klonopin or a bad wave.

In the former hospital i took twice gabapentin. It should be all my medication.

i was offered promethazin for sleep 25 mg and also small amount of quetiapine. Both are antipsychotics, even if ptomethszin very weak. Terribly afraid.

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Totally understandable Wolfhound.

 

Wow, I feel fortunate that I didn't experience what you did when taking Remeron.   How the heck did you overcome that?

 

I escaped with a mild hearing loss. :rolleyes:

Drug cocktail 1995 - 2010
Started taper of Adderall, Wellbutrin XL, Remeron, and Doxepin in 2006
Finished taper on June 10, 2010

Temazepam on a PRN basis approximately twice a month - 2014 to 2016

Beginning in 2017 - Consumption increased to about two times per week

April 2017 - Increased to taking it full time for insomnia

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I am glad you know it is the drug that is half the battle.  I think making a safety plan is a good idea a safe place to rest or distract yourself when it hits I hope you have flexibility to care for yourself as you need to.  If not it is time to become that flexible.  When it hits saying this is a drug effect thought and having what you know works ready at hand to help is paramount. I know you already have some skills as you still alive to write this.  I found having a plan was important so I did not have to think too much when I was obviously not thinking so well.  

These reactions do settle in time I wish you peace.  It takes as long as it takes.

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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