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Have you become religious during WD or after WD?


Bellisimo

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Has anyone become religious during WD or after WD

 

2007 - 2013: was on citalopram (tried to quit a few times, never worked, always went back on. max dose 40mg)

2012-2013: was tapering my citalopram all down to 2,5 mg then quit.
2013/aug: Took  my last pill 

W/D hit me bad after a few weeks off my medicine.

2014/August: 12 months off (much improved)

2015/April: 20months off. ( much improved, still some symtoms comes in waves, but not so intense.)

2015/june: 22months off. FELT different than before, all shakings suddenly stopped, feel much better. a fantastic feeling!

2016/Feb : 2 years and 6 months off, END of my suffering. I feel perfectly fine and back to normal. 
2018/Oct: Iam still feeling great. It is hard to believe my own story when I read back, what I went through!

 

 

 

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More than ever.

"Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast
I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past
But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free
I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me.

Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there
Everybody's got to move somewhere
Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow
Things should start to get interesting right about now."

- Zimmerman

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I'm with Alex.

 

Jan. 1994 Pamelor

2000 switched to Zoloft 

2011 Zoloft pooped out- Dr. switched me directly to Lexapro15mg -had a horrible 6mths

2013 upped Lexapro to 20 mgs-pooped out

June 2013 Dr. added 150 Wellbutrin to Lexapro.

July 2013 Switched back to Zoloft 100mgs.Was still taking Wellbutrin. Lots of anxiety from the Wellbutrin

July 2013 Started to wean Wellbutrin- off by Sept.

Oct. 2013 added 400 mgs of Neurotin to the Zoloft

Jan 2014 Tapered off of the Zoloft and onto Prozac 30 mgs. Also still taking 400 mgs Neurotin

Feb 2014 Reduced Prozac to 13 mgs. Still taking 400 mgs Neurotin

Aug. 2014 Prozac 13 mgs. Finished with Neurotin. .7 Risperadol

 

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was before due to 12 step program and seeing other people turn their lives around from a belief in a power greater than themselves.

 

Daily practice of prayer.  So many time my prayers have been "Fox Hole Prayers" due to WD and anxiety/depression.

 

You know "God please help."  Urgency.

 

I don't know necessarily what "God" or Higher Power" is but I choose to believe.

 

Hugs

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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Absolutely. Am lifelong in my faith tradition and also participate in Al-Anon. I love it.

Prozac 20 mg/daily since 1995

July 19, 2013, initial cut to 15 mg; Aug. 2 updosed to 18 mg; Aug. 19, to 16.2 mg
Held at 2.52 ml/day Jan. 11-April 16, 2014
April 16, 2014, cut to 2.40 ml/day
Dec. 29, 2014, 1.84 ml/day, and held there almost six months
June 23, 2015, 1.75ml/day; July 21, 2015, 1.70 ml/day
Aug. 13, 2015, 1.60 ml/day

Feb. 7, 2016, .7 ml/day; April 26, 2016, .6 ml/day

 

Taking anastrozole (estrogen blocker)
 
Successfully completed long, slow Klonopin taper November 2011. :ph34r:

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I think its quite common that people who have not been religious before some trauma, turn then out religious lol.. myself i had never ever consider god or any religion before i went thru this trauma, and during it and still never consider it as much as now

2007 - 2013: was on citalopram (tried to quit a few times, never worked, always went back on. max dose 40mg)

2012-2013: was tapering my citalopram all down to 2,5 mg then quit.
2013/aug: Took  my last pill 

W/D hit me bad after a few weeks off my medicine.

2014/August: 12 months off (much improved)

2015/April: 20months off. ( much improved, still some symtoms comes in waves, but not so intense.)

2015/june: 22months off. FELT different than before, all shakings suddenly stopped, feel much better. a fantastic feeling!

2016/Feb : 2 years and 6 months off, END of my suffering. I feel perfectly fine and back to normal. 
2018/Oct: Iam still feeling great. It is hard to believe my own story when I read back, what I went through!

 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Has anyone become religious during WD or after WD

 

I have always had my faith. It is my only strength right now.

Been on many and various AD's since 92. Began Lexapro, a life saver, in 08. Began taper Aug 13 - Oct 13. Terrible time with the withdrawal.

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  • 7 months later...

Yes, this process has made me depend on God more than I ever have been in all my life.

2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

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During my 13 years on Paxil, and 4 years on Lamictal, I was an Oblate in St. Benedict's order  for 22 years and frequently lived at Saint Paul's Abbey monastery in Newton, New Jersey. My main function with my order was to maintain our 700 acre Christmas tree farm and help facilitate our Christmas tree sales & public relations operation in December and at one time to help maintain our honey bee farm. Once I stopped Paxil in 2008 after almost going insane from this horrid drug, all outside activity stopped and 1 year into w/d my wife of 27 years developed terminal cancer, and 13 months later died. It was truly thru the grace of God that somehow as sick as I was I was able to take care of her at home with the help of hospice and after her death focused my full attention on my Lord Jesus and my faith. Otherwise I doubt I would have had the strength to accomplish all this. In my 7th year now of w/d I still have some issues, but through the grace of God I hope to resume a somewhat normal lifestyle, and again devote myself to some form of ministry. I am so grateful to PaxilProgress and the kind supportive people there for the support I received during those first hellish years Of grief & w/d.   

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During my 13 years on Paxil, and 4 years on Lamictal, I was an Oblate in St. Benedict's order for 22 years and frequently lived at Saint Paul's Abbey monastery in Newton, New Jersey. My main function with my order was to maintain our 700 acre Christmas tree farm and help facilitate our Christmas tree sales & public relations operation in December and at one time to help maintain our honey bee farm. Once I stopped Paxil in 2008 after almost going insane from this horrid drug, all outside activity stopped and 1 year into w/d my wife of 27 years developed terminal cancer, and 13 months later died. It was truly thru the grace of God that somehow as sick as I was I was able to take care of her at home with the help of hospice and after her death focused my full attention on my Lord Jesus and my faith. Otherwise I doubt I would have had the strength to accomplish all this. In my 7th year now of w/d I still have some issues, but through the grace of God I hope to resume a somewhat normal lifestyle, and again devote myself to some form of ministry. I am so grateful to PaxilProgress and the kind supportive people there for the support I received during those first hellish years Of grief & w/d.

I am so very very sorry to hear of your loss of your wife at such an emotionally vulnerable time for you.

 

I have never realized how important faith really is until now. And, I don't think I ever would have known if this had not happened. I grew up Catholic. :) I often said I wanted to go on a retreat to a monastery. But, I never got around to it. Didn't have "time". Well, maybe now, I do.

2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

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  • 4 months later...

I would not be alive without my faith. I try to pray. I want to believe that I have all the saints and Virgin Mary watching over me and my family. I also have confession and communion as often possible and it does help. Even when I was hosp. I got my priest in

Please have patience and read : a great Mental Health Care System indeed/Never been hospitalized prior to starting meds

-Not sure all is accurate:2005 Diag. with major depression and anxiety after second birth

-switched AD,getting worse (maybe:Celexa, Effexor, Wellbutrin-diagnosed with bp

-Zyprexa, stopped it fast, got hosp.,Seroquel incr. at 300mg, wors. depr, akathisia bad,

-changed dr.,dropped Seroquel 300mg to 100mg !!!-

-new dr.got me off Seroquel in 1 mth at home!!Lamictal to help...getting worse,was also taking Clonazepam

-severe muscle twiches, dp/dr,neck and shoulder muscles tight straight like cement, psychotic, bedridden for 1yr

-Got put on Zoloft in the hosp.,and 3 mg of Clonazepam, "Stabilized" some after some months, 5-6,

-Came off Zoloft by dropping some weekly, not knowing better!debilitating symptoms, got back on, tried to reduce Clonazepam after research.Prof. Ashton; hosp., asked dr. to follow Dr Ashton, he dropped 3 mg Clon. in One day!put on much less Valium...hysterical,pain,rage,couldn t breathe,akathisia etc etc

-Zoloft up to 200mg!, hyperv. muscles tight like cement...my dr., on vacation!!Other dr red.zoloft, gave me Remeron

Current meds:Buspirone 20mg,Tegretol200mg,Trazadone 50 mg,Clonaz. 3mg,Escital.15mg,Propran.20mg,Bupropr.150mg,Baclofen30mg,Gabapentin200mg, taken 4 times/day in various comb

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Wildflower, this is my hope, to retreat to a monastery but i am too sick to travel or to plan... I wish I had a really close one where I could go! I wish so much!

Please have patience and read : a great Mental Health Care System indeed/Never been hospitalized prior to starting meds

-Not sure all is accurate:2005 Diag. with major depression and anxiety after second birth

-switched AD,getting worse (maybe:Celexa, Effexor, Wellbutrin-diagnosed with bp

-Zyprexa, stopped it fast, got hosp.,Seroquel incr. at 300mg, wors. depr, akathisia bad,

-changed dr.,dropped Seroquel 300mg to 100mg !!!-

-new dr.got me off Seroquel in 1 mth at home!!Lamictal to help...getting worse,was also taking Clonazepam

-severe muscle twiches, dp/dr,neck and shoulder muscles tight straight like cement, psychotic, bedridden for 1yr

-Got put on Zoloft in the hosp.,and 3 mg of Clonazepam, "Stabilized" some after some months, 5-6,

-Came off Zoloft by dropping some weekly, not knowing better!debilitating symptoms, got back on, tried to reduce Clonazepam after research.Prof. Ashton; hosp., asked dr. to follow Dr Ashton, he dropped 3 mg Clon. in One day!put on much less Valium...hysterical,pain,rage,couldn t breathe,akathisia etc etc

-Zoloft up to 200mg!, hyperv. muscles tight like cement...my dr., on vacation!!Other dr red.zoloft, gave me Remeron

Current meds:Buspirone 20mg,Tegretol200mg,Trazadone 50 mg,Clonaz. 3mg,Escital.15mg,Propran.20mg,Bupropr.150mg,Baclofen30mg,Gabapentin200mg, taken 4 times/day in various comb

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  • 3 months later...

No, i talk to my body to heal it self not wish/hope to a make believe person.

Summer 2013: started on Prozac for OCD

Fall 2013: started Lexapro due to Prozac zombie effects

 

Stopped Lexapro because of lack of empathy/emotion,anxiety,lack of concentration etc.

Fall 2014: switched to zoloft 

 

February 2015: started effexor quit C/D after 2 weeks.

April 2015: was on zoloft for a month again to try and wean a bit more slowly. DID not work.

May 2015: dumped all of my medications

July 2015: Struggling day to day with withdrawal symptoms but hopeful that I'll be better at the end of august for the next school year.

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  • Moderator

Yes.  Both while in withdrawal and under the effect of prescribed psychoactives.

 

Not sure, for me, if it is all defined as becoming more religious, in my case........well sure, sometimes...........hopefully more spiritual?  In the sense of having a guide which is well outside of myself.

2022 May- continuing with limited activity on site, just something I need to do right now

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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I have become extremely determined to find proof of god and questining my own beliefs e.g. is god a dieistic god, a personal god (involved in human affairs) is god in nature? Is there a god or do we live in a naturalistic closed system?? When I accepted Jesus christ as my personal savior did I do so under the auspices and sure influence of ssris? I became determined to find god because when you're at death's door you question the meaning of life and a possible afterlife. Plus I was always philosophical

off cold turkey:zoloft, trileptal, stratteracurrently on:<p>latuda .05 milligrams latuda (to stabilize cns) from 20 mgs 4 months ago.

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Why do I believe Jesus christ was the son of god other THan through a book writtend decades after his death? Why was there little to no writte history recording Jesus meanderings and recording miracles?

off cold turkey:zoloft, trileptal, stratteracurrently on:<p>latuda .05 milligrams latuda (to stabilize cns) from 20 mgs 4 months ago.

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Good question....since I am an atheist I always see christians (or other) admit that if you choose to belive you should not question too much baout god...if you choose to belive, you have to belive!

 

I think (just my oopinion no intend to offend) this is a lack of respect in everyone own spirituality.

(my spirituality is 99% abstent btw :-P )

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (for somatic abdominal pain + reflux) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression

on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg, fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg doctor advised

05/05/2015 huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat, mild akathisia legs-feet

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here)

middle 07/2015 general improving

10/2015 start disastrous too long taper 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg .... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 0.6 mg 

1/APRIL/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 - 10/2020 MILD WAVE(mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

6/2021 - 9/2021 WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, anhedonia)  0.125g triazolam  2 times

18/03/2022 WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, PAIN in muscles and nerves, arms and right leg,cannot exercise,hard to walk) 0.125g triazolam 3 times

7/5 rein 0.1mg

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I've been a christian for many years but have definitely found my faith a source of comfort these past few years. I actually find that doing my daily Bible Study really helps me to calm down.  The book of Psalms is a constant reminder that I am not alone in my anxious state!

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  • 9 months later...
  • Moderator

Before the drugs, I was ripped away from all my former beliefs by a narcissist yogi, who wanted me to believe only in him, his teachings, his yoga, his practice.  

 

The practice was good, the teachings were good,also - but the ripping away of belief was quite traumatic.  

 

After that, I was drugged and numbed for about 15 years.  So I went from being passionate about my spirituality - to afraid of it - to nothing.

 

Coming off the lithium has been like having a veil removed from my brain.  Only it's more of a cold, wet dishtowel covered in tar.    Gradually, slowly, as the tar and the wet towel are removed, I gain interest in Sacred things.

 

They are different from before, but they are Sacred, and I Gnosis them as such.  Now it is like the sacred connection between people, or the interconnectedness of nature, the cycles of water, earth, sky, the moments of fire.  The connection to Vision, and the ability to feel the visions and be blessed by them and grateful for them.

 

I will never be able to follow a flock again.  Is this a gift, or is it a hardship?  I envy those who can completely surrender their pain and suffering to another - whether that is a church or God or - ?  This surrender enables a person to achieve greater optimism, happiness, sense of belonging and tribe, and worthiness.  And this optimism can be reinforced by scripture, by congregation.

 

It's a known fact that a person with faith has better health, better well-being than a person without faith (even if that second person still considers themselves "spiritual").  That may be an impossibility for me now - not that I need proof of the senses or even of science, but that - so tentatively I approach that which was ripped away from me before.

 

It's like trusting a drunk not to do it again.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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  • 2 weeks later...

We all have a soul and everything in the universe is connected through energy, whether Jesus Christ was the son of god I dont know for sure, but I am certain humans do not know it all, and sceince has not all the answers , as is illustrated with anti depressants drugs. I looked for answers from the medics they pointed me to mindfulness, which I thought was ironic.That is my opinion, plenty of others are available.

I am off all meds 16 months I had been on olanzapine, Effexor zanex and assorted sleeping meds for approx 2 years.

Weaned off 375 mg effexor over two years, I had previously come off xanax, rivotrill and olazapine. Reinstated 75mg of effexor on the 22/12/16

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My faith journey began while on Zoloft, and it is my faith that got me to take the risk of getting off it.  I feel more grounded, centered, peaceful, than I can ever remember since I began my walk with God.  I read Psalms each day, listen to podcasts of sermons, do Bible studies at my church, listen to faith-based music, and pray. 

 

The benefits are that I am totally convinced that God is with me on the withdrawal journey.  He will support me like no other person or source could ever do.  I will make it, not through my intelligence or work but instead by his power. 

 

I am faithful that he will also keep me from needing the meds in the future.  I will use my faith to keep the anxiety away.  I trust Him above all. 

Began Paxil for situational panic attacks in 2000. Then psych put me on Prozac to transition me to Lexapro in 2008. I forget the dosage of Paxil and Lexapro. Switched to100mg Sertraline since 2011.

 

75Mg taper began 06/21/2016. 67.5 mg taper began 07/10/2016. 61mg taper began 08/01/2016. 54mg taper began 08/24/2016. 48mg taper began 09/06/2016. 44mg taper began 09/20/2016. 40mg taper began 10/11/2016. 35mg began 10/25/2016. 25 mg began 11/15/2016.  20 mg began 12/03/2016.  12.5 mg began 12/22/2016.  DRUG FREE JANUARY 16, 2017!!

 

Began daily meditation 12/01/2016.  Very helpful!!

 

Prayer, always, and Acupuncture, as needed.<p>Isaiah 50:7 (NLT): Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be dismayed. Therefore, I have set my face like a stone, determined to do his will. And I know that I will triumph!

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I replace repetitive intrusive thoughts with prayers and mantras. It has been a life saver. especially at work.

retraining the brain is slow but the more i do it the better it gets!

7 yrs Lexapro 10 mg. Mar/2011 - 1 month taper. Severe W/D. Multiple symptoms.Gallbladder and parathyroid surgery in Aug and Oct. Disability 3 months.  Dec/2011 reinstated 5mg Lex and went back to work. very bad shape.

By Aug/2012 - self tapered to 1.25 mg cutting pills. -very bad shape. Nov/2012  Dr. Hinz neuro-replete. up and down. Aug/2013 at aprox 1.0 mg Lex stopped neuro-replete ~Oct 2013 Found this site  ~ began using compounded Lexapro and have been micro tapering since then and holding as needed.

11/6/2013 -  0.6 mg

2/1/2018 - .135 mg  Now reducing 5-10% per month 

4/1/18 - .1 mg

4/17/18 - changed delivery from compounded individual caps to aliquot. went from .1 mg to .09 aliquot

7/4/2018 - .09 mg Holding due to wave of W/D symptoms

7/22/18 updosed to .1 mg aliquot

9/30/18 - reduced to .0975 aliquot

2/1/19 - updosed to .1 mg aliquot due to instability bad wave W/D

9/12/19 - back to .1 mg individual caps since could not get stable using aliquot

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  • 2 weeks later...

Unfortunately I'm not a believer but I went to church 3 times in the last 2 months.

 

It is difficult for me to believe when there is a God when so many innocent children suffer.

Was on Paxil 20 mg between 2007-2016 for social anxiety.

 

Off Paxil since 29 february 2016, after 9 years on the drug.

Tried to reinstate 6 weeks later with no results, tried then Prozac and Zoloft on advice of psychiatrist with bad results. Meds free since 1 of june and in withdrawal which I don't know any more what it is caused by. ( Paxil, Prozac or Zoloft).

 

Withdrawal symptoms: severe insomnia, nausea, weight loss, anxiety, brain zaps sometimes, strange pains in different places on my body (could be caused by the anxiety though),gastrointestinal issues, jaw pain (gone now), poor memory (could be the lack of sleep), poor concentration, irritability, depression, hopelessness, rumination, tinnitus (gone)

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If anything - this process has pushed me further away from "faith" .  It has made me think more critically and logically about things.  I am a strongly agnostic. I don't know the answers - however i do believe religion is the downfall of our society. In saying that though i fully understand how people in WD turn to religion :)

Started Citalopram in 2005 (aged 15) for apparent "OCD" - 60mg 

July 2015 attempted 2 x 10% + cuts 4 weeks apart. WD symptoms intense at times. Need to slow down.

 

November 2016 - Resumed taper. 1.25 - 1.5% decrease weekly approx.

44.5mg November 2016. Jan 2017 42.5 mg. March 2017 40 mg. June 2017 37mg. September 2018 22mg. Nov 2018 Holding at 22mg to stabilise from moderate wave. January 2020 - Holding, mostly feeling fine, but still having some waves at times. 

 

February 2020 - Resumed taper , 1.5% reduction weekly/every two weeks. 

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was before due to 12 step program and seeing other people turn their lives around from a belief in a power greater than themselves.

 

Daily practice of prayer.  So many time my prayers have been "Fox Hole Prayers" due to WD and anxiety/depression.

 

You know "God please help."  Urgency.

 

I don't know necessarily what "God" or Higher Power" is but I choose to believe.

 

Hugs

 

Hi Nikki,

 

I have started praying to a Higher Power in the mornings and at night since I started going to AA meetings over a year ago. Prior to that I wasn't particularly religious. I would even have been quite cynical about religion. There are times also when I have my doubts still of course. However, I think that a belief in a Higher Power, whatever that happens to be for the individual, is really helpful.

 

I have always been attracted to Buddhism I suppose. I meditate frequently also. I am actually going on a meditation retreat soon! I was raised a Catholic by the way although I don't Catholicism now.

 

I hope that you are having a good weeekend!

 

Blazes.

Previously - zopiclone, risperidone, lyrica (pregabalin), ativan (lorezapam)
01/Aug/2016 -  65mg effexor, 4.5mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
12/Aug/2016 -  75mg effexor, 4.5mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
03/Oct/2016 -  70mg effexor, 4.5mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
29/Oct/2016 -  65mg effexor, 4.5mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
25/Nov/2016 -  65mg effexor, 4mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
25/Dec/2016 -  60mg effexor, 3.6mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
18/Jan/2017 -  60mg effexor, 5.25mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
27/Mar/2017 -  54mg effexor, 5.25mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
23/Apr/2017 -  54mg effexor, 7.5mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
09/May/2017 -  75mg effexor, 7.5mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
08/Jun/2017 -  75mg effexor, 6.75mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
18/Jul/2017 -  75mg effexor, 6mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
Sometimes valium. Not daily. Supplements - Sterols and Stanols.
Note : I would really hope that nobody uses my tapering history as a guideline. It might not work well for somebody else tapering similar medications.
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  • 2 months later...

yeah actually haha, i remember to this day, during my first withdrawal from effexor, i was just going insane, i walked into a church and i felt like i was not welcome there, then this lady right on my side starts having a seizure, i totally freaked out. i thought there was something wrong with my soul or something haha. today all i do is praying. it does brings some hope to me

(i'm brazlian so please, ignore spelling mistakes) 2015 the beggining of the year started with effexor xr 37,5

went up to 300mgs

in october of 2015 quitted COLD TURKEY/took olanzapine 5mgs for 2 weeks around november/ reinstated effexor in january of 2016

in march of 2016 was at 300mg again

in may tappered effexor xr and added trazodone 150mgs, seroquel 50mgs and abilify 10 mgs/in july cold turkey from abilify (no big deal)

in september tried reducing trazadone to 50mg

after 2 weeks went back to 150mgs of trazadone and 50 mgs of seroquel and added 2 mgs of klonopin to use WHEN NEEDEED

currently taking 150mgs of trazadone and 50 mgs of seroquel at night

 

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 In the sense of having a guide which is well outside of myself.

 

That guide which is well outside myself, is inside myself, too.  And inside every living thing.  The yin inside the yang; the yang inside the yin.

 

Humbly, I am open to that guide outside myself - and I access "That" by going Inside my Self.  "That" accesses me by surrounding me in Experience.

 

In Witnessing (the meditation, not the proselytization) That which is greater than me, sees through me, sees what I see, feels what I feel.  In really open moments, that Witnessing can empathize with what others see, hear, and feel, too.  I am in awe of That which Creates me and the world around me in every moment I am Present.  

 

The hard part is Staying Present!  However, one of the games the Soul plays with the Bodymind - is hide and seek.  Soul hides, Bodymind seeks.  Joy!  We found each other again!  Joy!  Then Soul hides again.  When Bodymind survives the grief of this abandonment and remembers to look again - Joy of Union can be found again.

 

Life comes in Windows and Waves.  Connection comes in Windows and Waves.  Belonging, Union, Presence, all in Windows and Waves.

 

It's a mystery.

 

But I still cannot use the word "faith" other than the scientific belief in the repetition of fractals:  any cycle will repeat again, and beauty will be found not in this cycle, nor the next - but in the Whole of them all.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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My parents are devoutly Catholic, my mother goes to Mass ever day for example but it never exactly rubbed off on me no matter how much I was indoctrinated with the dogmatic teachings of the Church. I'm a big fence sitter when it comes to religion - on one hand I hear studies of how religious people have better mental health than non believers, on the other hand I hear stories that say precisely the opposite. If you have come across the term "locus of control", belief in an omnipresent, omnipotent God means you have an external locus of control meaning you don't belief you have power or control over your own life/destiny and thus will suffer power mental health as a consequence.

May 2007 - October 2007 Citalopram 20 mg od. 1st Antidepressant ever taken. No problem with fast taper and no withdrawal effects. No antidepressants for over 5 years.

 

January 2013 started Citalopram 20mg.

March 2014 Switched to Sertraline 50 mg od.

23rd June 2016 started taper 45mg

23.07.16 40.5mg 23.08.16 36.45mg 27.09.16 34.65mg 24.10.16 32.90mg 28.11.16 31.26mg 04.01.17 32mg 25.02.17 31mg 22.03.17 30mg 14.04.17 29mg 09.05.17 28mg 07.06.17 27mg 08.06.17 26mg 13.07.17 25mg 07.08.17 24mg 24.08.17 23mg 13.09.17 22mg 12.10.17 21mg 10.11.17 20mg 04.12.17 19mg 01.01.18 17mg 25.01.18 15mg 22.02.18 13.5mg 25.03.18 12.15mg 

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  • Moderator

 

 In the sense of having a guide which is well outside of myself.

 

That guide which is well outside myself, is inside myself, too.  And inside every living thing.  The yin inside the yang; the yang inside the yin.

 

Humbly, I am open to that guide outside myself - and I access "That" by going Inside my Self.  "That" accesses me by surrounding me in Experience.

 

In Witnessing (the meditation, not the proselytization) That which is greater than me, sees through me, sees what I see, feels what I feel.  In really open moments, that Witnessing can empathize with what others see, hear, and feel, too.  I am in awe of That which Creates me and the world around me in every moment I am Present.  

 

The hard part is Staying Present!  However, one of the games the Soul plays with the Bodymind - is hide and seek.  Soul hides, Bodymind seeks.  Joy!  We found each other again!  Joy!  Then Soul hides again.  When Bodymind survives the grief of this abandonment and remembers to look again - Joy of Union can be found again.

 

Life comes in Windows and Waves.  Connection comes in Windows and Waves.  Belonging, Union, Presence, all in Windows and Waves.

 

It's a mystery.

 

But I still cannot use the word "faith" other than the scientific belief in the repetition of fractals:  any cycle will repeat again, and beauty will be found not in this cycle, nor the next - but in the Whole of them all.

 

 

Nicely put JanCarol.  Inside/outside.  Waves and windows........

 

I have trouble with the word religion lately.  And all the guilt and shame I felt with various interpetations presented to me within religious/church settings.  Although....I felt the spirit from time to time in a church.  So......I don't know.......don't know much at all but yah........inner spirit......outer spirit.........feel more one and whole.......or maybe many.  Lol.  Many more??

 

"Beauty in the Whole of them all" .......... :)

2022 May- continuing with limited activity on site, just something I need to do right now

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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  • 1 year later...

I found god and Jesus right around when  I was put on the Lexapro and during the dark days before the medicine of not sleeping and suffering. Being in constant worry and panic attacks and scared to hell I was dying but god was the only thing I could hold on to and I would just cry thinking about anything spiritual.  Its like he was softening my heart.  

 

I have always had a issue with the base of Christianity and how Jesus died on the cross for my sins.  I still dont believe in that part, however I do believe he was resurrected and I believe in a a lot of India spiritual teachers and the great powers they have.  I believe that Jesus, Buddha, Krishna as well as a host of other Prophets, teachers or whatever you want to call them have achieved or are apart of something bigger.  I could spill into so much stuff but the book that really started it all for me was the "Autobiography of a Yogi" who bridged hinduism and christianity.  Its a amazing book!

 

It boggles my mind that people dont believe in "god".  Now maybe sometimes people get hung up in the fact that "god" represents a person in the sky, but he could be anything.  God to me is the creator, something that keeps my heart beating, the white light people see when they die, the coincidence of praying and then the next day randomly turning on a youtube video about Ram Dass and teaching a lesson of exactly what I was praying for, the entity that made me have anxiety and depression  to teach me how to grow my soul.  Now I might be the minority but something else is at play.  I havent settled for everything the bible teaches you but I use it as a tool as well as other teachings from other spiritual people.  

 

Books I recommend.

Ram Dass "Be here now" - Now I haven't read this yet but I have read other books from him which he emphasizes alot of his teaching from his Guru Baba Neem Karoli  who had some amazing powers that proves that there is something else to this world.  This is his first book I think coming back from India that I will read soon.  He has another book called "Miracles of Love" that just has stories of Baba Need Karoli.  Very special and dear to my heart.

 

Paramahansa Yogananda "The autobiography of a yogi"  I love this book and it was the first book that really showed me how to love Jesus and other religions.  I always thought of Jesus as just fictional character but reading this as well as his other books "Mans Eternal Quests", "The Divine Romance", and the "Yoga of Jesus" made me really love Jesus and Yogananda and made me understand the Yogi culture more.

 

I sit with Jesus, Yogananda and Baba Need Karoli (Maharaj-ji) and pray with them almost every night.  They are my spiritual guides and love.

 

-Peace-

 

 

 

February 2017 started Ambien (Whatever the highest dose was) and Ativan 1.5mg

March 2017 started lexapro.  15mg  -Weaned off Ativan after about 2 months on it. 

Weaned off Ambien after 4 months on it every night.  Lexapro starting working and didn't need it.

April 2018 started reduced Lexapro.  15mg-12.5mg.

May 18' 10mg, June 18' 7.5mg, July 18' 5mg, August 18' 4.5mg, Sept 18' 4.0mg, Oct 18' 3.5mg, Nov 18' 3.0mg.

Jan 19' 2.5mg, February 19' 2.0mg, From here I went about .10mg drops at a time and sometimes more every 2 weeks depending on how I feel.  That was from February-August 20th 2019.

I got to .30mg and decided to jump off.  It was so small and decided I needed to face my fears.  I created nueral pathways in my brain that I was fearing withdrawal.

Lexapro 0.0mg 8/20/2019

 

 

 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

This is a really good question. In my darkest hours I prayed to the universe. I could only listen to healing meditations and read ( very slowly as we has affected my reading capacities) and read mind, body, soul articles. I really got why people have religious epiphanies in psychological. I feel like that level of desperationhas changed me. It clarified my desire for love and to clear all per ceived negativesfrom my life. This is also because I am awaiting medical results. I felt like I was fighting and am fighting for my life and then I just go directly into a spiritual way of thinking. I felt this affinity with all those who might be suffering, or about to die, or in terror, or fear, or pain. like a sort of collective conscious. it's like you go into another place and all else becomes superfluous.

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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I am a Muslim and it is obligatory in Islam to pray 5 times a day,

1st just before dawn, 2nd at afternoon, 3rd just before evening, 4th at sunset, 5th at night.

Our prayer is not just a prayer but a complete exercise, it is called Salah,

First we stand, praising Almighty, Eyes open, looking down.

Then we bow down keeping our hands on the knees, 

And then go into Prostration, placing forehead on the ground (most relaxing part to me, where I simply feel completely surrendered, all my worries vanish at that time). 

In the end we take both our hands out in the air begging, asking for all our needs here and in the hereafter, praying for ourselves and for others.

I was praying while I was on the Zoloft and I am praying now during my withdrawal, the major difference is that I cannot hold my tears from flowing now, I hardly remember crying on the Zoloft ! 

1995 to 1997: different antidepressants at maintenance dosages along with benzos 3 times a day.  

1998 to 2000: Citalopram 20mg + Benzo twice daily.

2001 to 2015: Sertraline 50 mg + Alprazolam (half of 0.25 mg once daily which is next to nothing)

2016 to 2017: Sertraline 50 mg + Dosulepin (Prothiaden) 25 mg (NO BENZO)

2017 to 2018: Dosulepin (Prothiaden) 50 mg  (NO BENZO)

2018 (Earlier): Olanzapine (Zyprexa) 5 mg + Clonazepam 0.25 mg x 2 daily (7 weeks on Olanzapine was a disaster, antipsychotics are not for panic disorder)

2018 August : Sertraline 50 mg for 20 days (couldn't take it any longer) + Clonazepam.

2018 Sept. 1st week: Dosulepin (Prothiaden) 25 mg + Clonazepam 0.25 mg -- 2018 Sept. 2nd week: Dosulepin (Prothiaden) 12.5mg +Clonazepam 0.25 mg 

2018 November: Clonazepam 0.50 mg at night (for sleep disturbed by tinnitus)

2019 January to now: Clonazepam 0.25 mg at night and 0.25 mg in the morning.

Remember: Going out for a Walk or for a Change does help, it may take a few days or weeks or months for some, but it definitely helps.

Here is Knowledge for you: The more you Know about your sickness the more bad it is for you, so forget about it !

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  • 1 month later...
  • Mentor
On 10/8/2018 at 2:36 AM, Ather said:

I am a Muslim and it is obligatory in Islam to pray 5 times a day,

1st just before dawn, 2nd at afternoon, 3rd just before evening, 4th at sunset, 5th at night.

Our prayer is not just a prayer but a complete exercise, it is called Salah,

First we stand, praising Almighty, Eyes open, looking down.

Then we bow down keeping our hands on the knees, 

And then go into Prostration, placing forehead on the ground (most relaxing part to me, where I simply feel completely surrendered, all my worries vanish at that time). 

In the end we take both our hands out in the air begging, asking for all our needs here and in the hereafter, praying for ourselves and for others.

I was praying while I was on the Zoloft and I am praying now during my withdrawal, the major difference is that I cannot hold my tears from flowing now, I hardly remember crying on the Zoloft ! 

Thank you for explaining the process -- beautiful. I hear you about not being able to cry on Zoloft-- a friend called me a "robot" once. I still haven't sobbed yet but at least  I can cry a little bit.

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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I was on a full complement of Lexapro and Imipramine when my parents died ten years apart.  I didn't cry for either, though I had loved them dearly.  

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper.   

March 22, 2022: hold at 4.8mg and shift to Imipramine taper

Aug. 5, 2022: shift back to Valium taper.  

Current dose as of Dec. 2, 2022: 2.6mg

Taper is 86% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan-Sept 2016 tapered to 16mg.  

Held until Aug 2021, tapered for 4 weeks to 14.4mg

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper.  Current dose as of Aug. 5: 9.5mg 

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5 and shift to Valium taper

Taper is 87% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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I don't think I cried for years and maybe decades on paxil and lexapro!

 

that's just not normal. 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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On 11/28/2018 at 12:03 AM, FarmGirlWorks said:

Thank you for explaining the process -- beautiful. I hear you about not being able to cry on Zoloft-- a friend called me a "robot" once. I still haven't sobbed yet but at least  I can cry a little bit.

 

Thanks :) 

And yes SSRIs make us "feel" very less, I was pretty harsh on my kids too specially my son, I couldn't feel how he was hurting inside, now I know that he is weak just like me, couldn't go to sleep easily, always worrying about small things, always stressed, I myself actually made him more stressed while I was on this drug.

 

I tell you an interesting fact, a few months before I left the Zoloft I started to pray "O Lord make me a friend of my son and not an enemy" and soon after I started to get bad symptoms taking the same Zoloft that I had taken for decades, I had to quit it by tapering, now I go hug him, talk to him when he is down, go calm him down when he is unable to sleep because there is an school exam the next day, previously I used to get angry at him that why was he still awake at 2 am and wouldn't say a word of love and care, even hit him every other day (I cry for that now) now I have seen that when I go sit on his bed and tell him not to worry about anything and that I love him and hug him he goes to sleep soon after :)

 

Zoloft made me what I never was.

 

1995 to 1997: different antidepressants at maintenance dosages along with benzos 3 times a day.  

1998 to 2000: Citalopram 20mg + Benzo twice daily.

2001 to 2015: Sertraline 50 mg + Alprazolam (half of 0.25 mg once daily which is next to nothing)

2016 to 2017: Sertraline 50 mg + Dosulepin (Prothiaden) 25 mg (NO BENZO)

2017 to 2018: Dosulepin (Prothiaden) 50 mg  (NO BENZO)

2018 (Earlier): Olanzapine (Zyprexa) 5 mg + Clonazepam 0.25 mg x 2 daily (7 weeks on Olanzapine was a disaster, antipsychotics are not for panic disorder)

2018 August : Sertraline 50 mg for 20 days (couldn't take it any longer) + Clonazepam.

2018 Sept. 1st week: Dosulepin (Prothiaden) 25 mg + Clonazepam 0.25 mg -- 2018 Sept. 2nd week: Dosulepin (Prothiaden) 12.5mg +Clonazepam 0.25 mg 

2018 November: Clonazepam 0.50 mg at night (for sleep disturbed by tinnitus)

2019 January to now: Clonazepam 0.25 mg at night and 0.25 mg in the morning.

Remember: Going out for a Walk or for a Change does help, it may take a few days or weeks or months for some, but it definitely helps.

Here is Knowledge for you: The more you Know about your sickness the more bad it is for you, so forget about it !

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