celexahell: Has Citalopram destroyed me in one week? Is this even possible?

[celexahell]

I feel like my life has been destroyed by roughly a week of poor judgement. I'll try to keep this succinct as I'm at work. Back in April, I had been already fighting a severe anxiety/depression episode since early February which started with a mental breakdown. Due to extreme stress and anxiety, my free testosterone lowered to critically low levels, 161.

Unfortunately, on April 7, after discussing with my doctor, she suggested Celexa (citalopram hbr) @ 20mg to "help" with the depression/anxiety I was facing. I was hesitant to take it after reading the Wikipedia and seeing the side effects, etc. Somehow, though, I was in enough stress and my family was begging me to try it. 

I was on it for roughly a week total. I still remember taking the first pill and feeling like I was going to die. Burning in my chest, not being able to sleep, waking up feeling terrified, etc. I ended up on it for about ~5 days and then stopped. I should have never touched it or at least stopped after the first pill. I stopped for two weeks and felt pretty horrible. I could tell I wasn't socially the same, and there were some minor effects on my sexual performance (minor numbness). 

Somehow, for some reason, I decided to take it for two more days thinking I should "give it a chance", and still, my family was begging me to try it since my Mom had a good success with it. I took a pill each day (I believe I tried 10mg for these doses) and I still felt horrible. At that stage, I threw the bottle away and wanted to forget about the garbage, and work on myself naturally.

Unfortunately, over a month later, I am still experiencing the following symptoms:

* "chemical castration" -- essentially zero libido, aching/pain in testicles, numbness in penis, no effect from visual arousal. I'm a young guy and this all worked perfect prior to taking the poison. I hope this isn't PSSD.

* severe change in emotional range -- it doesn't feel like I can cry or laugh anymore, my entire personality has been deleted. I used to be a very emotionally connected person, and loving person. 

* indifference/anhedonia -- I've started to just not get pleasure from anything. I feel like my humanity has been deleted, very similar to what DeVoid said in his post. 

* sleep is no longer refereshing -- it doesn't feel like I ever actually get to sleep, and if I do, it's a very light sleep. I used to sleep perfectly.

* fatigue/memory issues/consistent low energy 

* "brain zaps"/burning in head


I don't know how much longer I can live like this. I feel like my life is over because I jumped into this dark underworld of poision quack drugs. I've always been the most clean cut guy, never have done much more than drink alcohol, and now, here I am, possibly broken for life because of an allegedly "safe" prescription drug. Had I known how much damage this could have caused, I would have stayed a million miles away.


So I just wonder, am I destroyed? Is about 2-3 months the normal timeframe for symptoms to clear up, even for a brief exposure? I was only on it for not even a week total. 

Please tell me I'll be okay.


Thanks,
ch

[Petunia]

Hi Celexahell,

 

Welcome and thank you for posting your story.  I'm so sorry you have been through all this after such a short exposure to an antidepressant.  It sounds like you had a serious adverse reaction and should not have taken another dose.  Unfortunately, some people react this way and should never take these kinds of drugs.

 

Fortunately, you will recover, but it may take a while. Its impossible to say how long it will take, because everyone is different.  Making sure you eat a healthy diet, getting some regular exercise and enough sleep can help to speed up the process.

 

It would be helpful if you put your drug history in your signature, that way members can easily see your situation when responding to posts.  Instructions for how to do that are here:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

Have a look through our symptoms and self care section to get some good ideas about how to manage symptoms while you are recovering:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/

 

Try not to worry, you will get better.

 

Petu.

[Rhiannon]

Hi CH--

 

Yes, we've seen a few people, especially young folks, with stories like yours--short term use followed by symptoms similar to yours (sexual dysfunction, emotional anesthesia, anhedonia) and taking a long period of time to recover. They all do recover eventually though. But it does seem to take ridiculously long sometimes.

 

Don't let the time frame worry you. For a while you're going to need to be really gentle with your nervous system (gentle exercise only, good diet, stay away from alcohol and caffeine, get regular sleep at regular hours, keep stress to a minimum). Don't count the days, weeks, months, whatever. And don't let the bad days worry you. Recovery is typically roller-coaster, so there will be better days and then worse ones. But over time the better days will begin to outnumber the bad ones, and eventually this will all be just a really bad memory. You'll be back to normal and back to your regularly scheduled life as it should be. (That maybe will include getting some non-drug help to deal with the stresses and issues at the root of your breaking down to begin with.)

 

I agree that you've had a narrow escape and you should never risk taking a psychiatric drug again unless it's literally a matter of life and death.

[btdt]

I have one bit of advice:

DON'T LET ANYONE TALK YOU INTO TAKING ANOTHER DRUG TO TREAT THIS.

That is what happened to me after a severe adverse reaction to prozac.... things kept going at around the two year mark I took another antidepressant so I could sleep.  

I know one would think two years of suffering would be enough to keep me away from the drug cure... however in those days nobody knew this was caused by prozac.  I was told all sorts of things the most outrageous was that I needed to be on this sort of drugs.  I started prozac for pain in my leg after a car accident no mystery as to why there was pain in my leg it made complete sense it was injured.  Rather than sort the cause and fix it if possible I was given a drug that took away my senses and continually told I needed to be medicated.  

The crazy thing is I did sleep when given amitryptyline nothing cures withdrawal or whatever you want to call this like more drugs... along with this drug came debilitating dizziness brain fog cognitive dysfunction these are just the side effects I can recall from the lowest possible dose.  It was a trade off I was willing to make after having not slept properly for 2 years and having a wide array of other withdrawal effects that were constantly being dx as other things.  It is crazy to think about how it has affected my life.  If you read my timeline below you will see I was drugged for 18 years and currently have protracted withdrawal. I know two years is a long time to have side effects from a wks worth of any drug but I am telling you right now however long it takes to recover from this it is not going to take 18 years... stay clean. 

Since those old days of nobody knowing what these drugs can do a lot of work has been done by people like those here to figure out the best ways to heal and how to cope while you body is healing.  Please read more on how to cope and what to do about symptoms in self care. 

The 18 years of being drugged were years of limbo dealing with extreme side effects personality changes that were at times extreme - mania depersonalization - all sorts of physical complaints that often require more damaging drugs to treat... such as stomach disorders... sugar and lipid metabolism issues... and this short list is not even scratching the surface.

I can easily say the decision to take prozac has changed my life in ways I have not be able to recover from due to misinformation and lack of clear informed consent...

I was not told prozac was an ssri that it could affect my mind...

I was told it would help the pain in my leg and I would not have to take as many pain pills... I was told the side effect was dry mouth... that is what I was told.  

There is no coming to terms with how this has affected me and those who love me.  I can't get over it... I can however tell you the truth and maybe with a bit of luck persuade you from taking any more drugs. At this point this is the best I can hope for that my experience helps somebody else.

I know these reaction can grind you down they did me...however I think know what it is could be the open window that allows you to escape and knowing that others know and believe what you say may well help too...please use this site use the experience and wisdom of people here who have healed to get you thru this reaction.  Please know that not everyone is like me and do not recover from a reaction for 2 years ... I think I may be the odd man out... but for those who have not recovered after 2 years I do not know how much longer it may take as I sucked out and accepted drugs.

It may be a year it may be 2 nobody knows...however long it takes taking more drugs to treat can lead to years of being drugged... for me it was not the answer it was a trap. 

I wish you peace and truth in your search.  

[mammaP]

Hi CH, welcome to SA. I'm sorry that you are still suffering from the short time on celexa. 

Have a good look at the forum, you will learn a lot and once you understand what is 

happening it is easier to deal with. Your nervous system will heal eventually, it takes time

and unfortunately no one can tell how much time, but it will get better. There will be windows

 and waves, the bad days (waves) will get less and less severe and the good days (windows)will

get better and last for longer. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself, you will get better. 

[thisismyname]

The vast majority of people who experience these effects will have them abate after the drug is safely discontinued. Discontinuing an antidepressant is tricky, don't just quit the drug immediately because it can cause you to have a wildly fluctuating mood and other nasty effects. I quit citalopram cold turkey after 7 years and I turned into an angry, volatile, impulsive and depressed mess. I was lucky. There are plenty of threads around here about how to taper. That being said, Im not sure how you could be getting brain zaps and withdraw symptoms that intense if you only took it for one week.   From what I know(I could be wrong) the amount of time you have to take Citalopram to have effects from discontinuation is much longer than one week.  It sounds like you had an adverse reaction to it. 

 

 

 

I really hope you get better.

[btdt]

The vast majority of people who experience these effects will have them abate after the drug is safely discontinued. Discontinuing an antidepressant is tricky, don't just quit the drug immediately because it can cause you to have a wildly fluctuating mood and other nasty effects. I quit citalopram cold turkey after 7 years and I turned into an angry, volatile, impulsive and depressed mess. I was lucky. There are plenty of threads around here about how to taper. That being said, Im not sure how you could be getting brain zaps and withdraw symptoms that intense if you only took it for one week.   From what I know(I could be wrong) the amount of time you have to take Citalopram to have effects from discontinuation is much longer than one week.  It sounds like you had an adverse reaction to it. 

 

 

 

I really hope you get better.

This is not a withdrawal this is a severe adverse reaction.  This is not a taper issue. I have seen it before in others and lived it too. 

[thisismyname]

 

The vast majority of people who experience these effects will have them abate after the drug is safely discontinued. Discontinuing an antidepressant is tricky, don't just quit the drug immediately because it can cause you to have a wildly fluctuating mood and other nasty effects. I quit citalopram cold turkey after 7 years and I turned into an angry, volatile, impulsive and depressed mess. I was lucky. There are plenty of threads around here about how to taper. That being said, Im not sure how you could be getting brain zaps and withdraw symptoms that intense if you only took it for one week.   From what I know(I could be wrong) the amount of time you have to take Citalopram to have effects from discontinuation is much longer than one week.  It sounds like you had an adverse reaction to it. 

 

 

 

I really hope you get better.

This is not a withdrawal this is a severe adverse reaction.  This is not a taper issue. I have seen it before in others and lived it too. 

 

That's what I was thinking... Do most people get through it? I would hate the idea that he's gonna be like this forever just because of the wrong pill. 

[btdt]

I am trying to think of those I know who were not drugged again and I can't say I followed any of them long enough to see then say they were cured... that it was all healed and went away.  Some I can think of at another site were no believed and stopped posting one tried to start his own site for a bit but failed. Others went on to other drugs to help them thru the reaction a few I can think of went on sleep meds yep benzos.  So I have to say you have called me out on this one and the truth of the matter is I don't know anyone who healed from a severe adverse reaction in the time I followed them.  Those there are apparently others here who have seen it happen I am hoping they do chime in here so we can give some good advice on this topic. 

That is not to say that some of the people who were not drugged again when I lost touch did not heal I am just not aware of it... for sure. ....  some stopped posting as they were not believed for instance - they may have healed.  I don't know.  

However tho I have had an account here  a long time my activity on this site was hit and miss for years and I have not read all the posts the first two people who answered you are moderators here as such I suspect they read most posts and are aware of most cases here so they would be the folks who would have information on this and both say that you will heal from this tho it may take a long time.  I am saying to you as having lived thru this that as long as it can take getting trapped in the can't get off the drugs racket is not a good place to be.  I realize you chances of not getting trapped now are much better then 30 years ago as you have access to all this information now and the benefit of other experience.  

I would suggest you ask the moderators who the others are who have had severe adverse reactions and maybe talk to the ones who managed to heal how they went about it and how long it took. 

Best suggestions I have. 

Peace

[celexahell]

Thanks for the feedback everyone.  

 

I wish every day that I stood my ground and just waited out the anxiety/depression episode... and I also wish after I felt so insanely terrible after the first pill that I stopped.  In fact, I almost did stop, but even after that one, I felt terrible the next night and thought taking another one would make it go away, and so the cycle went on for that week.

 

When should I start seeing some improvements? I should mention that this whole ordeal has cost me my job.   Two weeks ago I got fired for under-performing at my job and it was a direct result of my brain being fried by the Celexa. 

 

Sexually, I can get hard and so on, but it's weird because there's no desire or libido associated with it, it's just purely mechanical, and I definitely don't get as hard/big as I used to.  Plus, there's the numbness, and orgasm doesn't feel as good or as powerful.   It is honestly purely criminal that this has happened to me.  

 

Even more terrifying than the sexual side effects are the emotional ones.  I feel as though I've been deleted as a person and deleted from the planet.  I feel purely apathy, every second of every day.  I have no empathy, and no real moments of happiness anymore. Ahnedonia is the worst thing I could ever imagine.  

 

It seems that I've been ripped of all the tools to live a good life.  Prior to this, even in my depressed/anxious state, I was a highly functional, highly social, highly sexual person with endless friends and comfort in social situations.  I am quickly losing everything I have, all because I took a few pills I didn't need.  It isn't right.   

[btdt]

No it isn't right and taking medical leave from you job may have saved it but we can't go back we only have now. Maybe it will not be too long and you can pick up your life and get going again. 

I sure hope so.  There will be all types of things to do that will help I hope you find them and do them.  see the links that were posted above...

There is nothing we can do about what has been done and I know accepting this has happened changes people and getting to the place of accepting is a rough go too.  I truly cannot do that any longer as a support person as I don't have the reserves in my right now..it is like reliving my own experience again and again whenever I try to help other with this bit.  I think I have done it enough to get beyond my own issues and it helped for that...but right now I am not that well and simply can't afford to go there with you.  Other can and will as it is a trip best not taken alone tho we all really do go thru it alone really we live it alone but processing it in our heads takes others... to walk us thru at times. 

I know there are people here who will help you do this and I will leave it to them. 

I wish you peace. 

[Petunia]

  I am quickly losing everything I have, all because I took a few pills I didn't need.  It isn't right.   

 

I completely agree that its not right, and I'm sure everyone else here would agree.  In an ideal world, everything would be fair and equal, nothing would go wrong, people would be motivated by love and compassion, rather than by power and profit and sites like this wouldn't be needed.

 

But here we are, all of us struggling to recover and regain aspects of our lives which were lost due to something not having turned out right.  I sense that you are still in shock, finding it hard to accept what has happened.  Medication that you get from your trusted doctor is supposed to be safe, its not supposed to ruin your life.  But the reality is, medicine is one of the leading causes of death.

 

But you are going to recover, not fast enough, but you will get better.  Focusing on what is improving, rather on what is not, is probably going to be more helpful.

 

 

It would be helpful if you put your drug history in your signature, that way members can easily see your situation when responding to posts.  Instructions for how to do that are here:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

Have a look through our symptoms and self care section to get some good ideas about how to manage symptoms while you are recovering:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/

 

[thisismyname]

 I am quickly losing everything I have, all because I took a few pills I didn't need.  It isn't right.   

And they hand these things out like candy.

 

Anti depressants are evil and the biggest fraud in the history of all man kind  . First they use bogus science to claim a "chemical imbalance" that can only be cured with pills(a big red flag). Then they devise a formula that causes withdraw symptoms that mimic depression and psychosis so uneducated people think its their "depression coming back". Then they lie and say that withdraw only lasts 3 weeks, so when they're still(VERY LIKELY) having withdraw symptoms doctors assume that its the patents "Depression coming back". The only way to actually get off of the pills is to taper over months or years, so they can milk the customer of as much money as possible. I dont understand how the medical profession could be duped by these glorified drug pushers, Their lies are obvious and they're no different from a drug cartel. TBH they're worse than the drug cartels because they do it legally and have more victims.

 

 Stay strong.

[celexahell]

They really do give them out like candy. I should have talked to an actual psych first instead of my idiot primary care.

 

And the fraud is so obvious now. They don't even understand how these drugs work, and it's all based on quack science. What I'm most frustrated with is that I'm usually incredibly analytical but somehow failed to investigate SSRIs deeply enough prior to trying it. It's such a shame and unnecessary suffering. I honestly feel like I'll never be back to my former self.

[thisismyname]

They really do give them out like candy. I should have talked to an actual psych first instead of my idiot primary care.

 

And the fraud is so obvious now. They don't even understand how these drugs work, and it's all based on quack science. What I'm most frustrated with is that I'm usually incredibly analytical but somehow failed to investigate SSRIs deeply enough prior to trying it. It's such a shame and unnecessary suffering. I honestly feel like I'll never be back to my former self.

 

 Have you tied talking to your parents? loved ones? Friends? 

[celexahell]

All the time. They think it's "just in my head" and I'm "just depressed".

[thisismyname]

All the time. They think it's "just in my head" and I'm "just depressed".

 

 

Damn,  . Did you try explaining to them about adverse reactions and how some people don't react well to some drugs? Try telling them about the side effects and explain to them how the side effects of celexa match what you're going through now. Just because your mom reacted good to it, it doesn't mean that you will.

 

 

I have to go to bed, keep us updated! 

[Rhiannon]

You will be fine, but it may take a while.

[WinningThrough]

Hello CH. I am really sorry this has happened to you. Celexa seems notorious for reactions. It happened to me too on this drug & I carried on for 8 weeks!

 

Just to give you a bit of hope, I've read of several people who recovered from adverse reactions. There are some on the, er, other site that I found. People do recover.

 

I notice you said that your testosterone levels dropped. Have you had these retested? I wonder if anyone could help you with this? (I'm thinking bio identical hormones rather than anything a doctor would give you.)

 

Hang in there.

[celexahell]

Yes, I should have explained further. When I had my mental breakdown or whatever you'd call it occur back in February, my testosterone did lower to critically low levels, but I got it tested recently and it is hovering right around 500. All of the other hormone numbers were normal except for SHBG which was at 10 (normal range 13-90).

 

When my anxiety was at its worst and my testosterone was low I did experience some level of sexual dysfunction, namely no libido and unable to get an erection. This is entirely different and terrible, it's like I can't get horny or feel lust, plus the numbness. It gets hard but not as hard as it used to and orgasm isn't as powerful.

 

I fight thoughts of suicide every day due to this insane nightmare. I wish I could undo this somehow and get my brain back.

[thisismyname]

Dont kill yourself, think about your family. 

[Altostrata]

Don't worry about your testosterone.

 

Adverse sexual side effects are common with SSRIs like citalopram. These can last a while, but in the vast majority of cases, fade away over time. So there's no point in worrying about that either.

[btdt]

 

 I am quickly losing everything I have, all because I took a few pills I didn't need.  It isn't right.   

And they hand these things out like candy.

 

Anti depressants are evil and the biggest fraud in the history of all man kind  . First they use bogus science to claim a "chemical imbalance" that can only be cured with pills(a big red flag). Then they devise a formula that causes withdraw symptoms that mimic depression and psychosis so uneducated people think its their "depression coming back". Then they lie and say that withdraw only lasts 3 weeks, so when they're still(VERY LIKELY) having withdraw symptoms doctors assume that its the patents "Depression coming back". The only way to actually get off of the pills is to taper over months or years, so they can milk the customer of as much money as possible. I dont understand how the medical profession could be duped by these glorified drug pushers, Their lies are obvious and they're no different from a drug cartel. TBH they're worse than the drug cartels because they do it legally and have more victims.

 

 Stay strong.

 

Wow that is it in a nutshell wish I had said that wish I had the energy and clarity... Bravo!

[Altostrata]

It's like the perfect crime.

[celexahell]

It truly is a crime. These poisons should be illegal. I used to enjoy life so much, I used to have such a vivid reality. Now, I sleep a lot, avoid people, and think about dying often.

 

This is a destroyed conciousness.

 

If I don't see reasonable healing in six months or a year I may have to end my life.

 

Every day is a repeat and reminder that I am a mere shell of my former self

[Muddles]

Worse than street drugs. I spoke to a rehab clinic and he said it's easier to come off heroin than antidepressants.

[celexahell]

Heroin is probably healthier too, all things considered.

[Altostrata]

Don't hurt yourself over this -- direct a healthy anger towards the medical profession, which doesn't know what it's doing. Please join with us to educate them.

[Rhiannon]

Worse than street drugs. I spoke to a rehab clinic and he said it's easier to come off heroin than antidepressants.

 On the benzo boards I met quite a few people who had been sent to "rehab" type places to get off benzos. (Many medical professionals think of benzos as a drug of abuse, even though the vast majority of people addicted to them only ever took them as prescribed by their doctors.)

 

I remember one guy saying, at two weeks the heroin addicts were playing basketball in the gym while the benzo withdrawal was just getting started and he could barely crawl.

 

And then they toss the people in benzo withdrawal out after two to four weeks because they should be done by then of course, even though it's only the beginning of many months to years of torture for them at that point. A lot of folks end up on those benzo boards after going through rehab type places, terribly ill for months or years.

[btdt]

It's like the perfect crime.

 

Have you read it Alto... did you use the title by chance? 

Indeed the perfect crime as the injured are so damaged for so long and there is no proof cause who is going to tell and ruin their own career ...from the few that actually know.

[btdt]

I wish one smart all together person or smart support person of one in withdrawal would read this book and spoon feed it to my brain... am I asking too much?

[celexahell]

One of the most worrying sexual side effects I notice however is a consistent ache and almost stinging throughout the day in the testicles ... they also don't feel as full or warm as they normally do, which I fear suggests reproductive damage.

 

Also, when I squeeze my PC muscle, I don't feel as "connected" or as in control as I usually am of my penis. It's very unsettling, as if it's not part of my body like it was prior to the poison.

 

I really hope this goes back to normal in time. The sexual side effects combined with feeling emotionally empty all day are enough to make me want to die.

[celexahell]

And the other highly weird and worrying thing is the anal numbness. Seriously what the hell?

[Altostrata]

btdt, you are going off topic again in an Intro topic. Please put your musings somewhere else.

 

celexahell, the drugs have an effect on our entire bodies, our innards, and our nerves. Please do not focus on the sexual side effects, try to make yourself feel better overall to support your recovery.

[celexahell]

btdt, you are going off topic again in an Intro topic. Please put your musings somewhere else.

 

celexahell, the drugs have an effect on our entire bodies, our innards, and our nerves. Please do not focus on the sexual side effects, try to make yourself feel better overall to support your recovery.

 

 

Honestly though, what the hell?  A couple pills and now I'm barely a shell of my former self?   It just isn't right. How long until I see a noticeable improvement?  Will I ever be the same person again?

[WinningThrough]

CH, I had some weird side effects that went away. On citalopram (which I think is celexa), I got a numb bladder (scary) and a numb arm. These continued for a while after I stopped the drug then they just disappeared and never came back. I also had another horrible symptom (too embarrassed to say) that went away. Like I said, these effects lasted a while after I stopped but they completely went away.