celexahell: Has Citalopram destroyed me in one week? Is this even possible?

[Altostrata]

I can understand you're outraged. Just about everyone on this site is in the same boat.

 

These symptoms go away with time. Think about ways you can change your attitudes and expectations to make the recovery period better for you.

[celexahell]

Sex is just not the same. Criminal. ...

[mammaP]

I know it is distressing for you but try not to focus on the sexual dysfunction, it will 

get better in time.  It's heartbreaking what these drugs do to people but you are young

and it was very few pills which hopefully means that you will recover faster than someone

who was on them for years. 

 

I hope that you start to feel better soon, when you feel an improvement, any improvement,

remember it and know that it is a baby step to getting better. 

[celexahell]

I'm feeling some glimpses of lust today ... just wish the sensitivity would return ...

[btdt]

I'm feeling some glimpses of lust today ... just wish the sensitivity would return ...

 

I know we are not the same.  Likely will not heal the same,  However I would like to give you a bit of thought on these feelings that come... like a glimpse of lust.  As I had this bit of up and down states... wild physical feelings some would call lust perhaps at the grocer...yep had nothing to do with what I was thinking totally void of any relationship to current reality out of nowhere.  I can't say I liked it as I hated it another not normal confusing symptoms of drug induced damage. I once had extreme sexual feelings physically too... both these things never came again. 

 

It could be a sign healing is taking place or it could be one more symptom of drug induced damage. I am not trying to rain on your parade not in any way.  The point is things that happen in the healing state can often be nothing more than that things that happen that mean nothing. It goes the same for the bad things that happen too... the ones that are fleeting especially but even those that are not fleeting... they come they go.  Hopefully they will go even if they last a seriously long time. 

 

I am maybe saying something here that is not helpful I don't know I am trying to be helpful in telling you be it good or bad a lot of what happens now can't be a sign for what will be your eventual fate as it is all changing.  I know it is hard to not focus on self completely and hard to not be consumed by the issues your living with but the sooner you can look away to anything else the sooner you will feel less distress. 

 

This healing is nonlinear odd things come and go randomly or that is how it presents at this time.  It is a trickster and there is not much that can be counted on unless you build a solid healing state inside yourself ... a ground zero where you can rest.  I think some ideas for this can be found in self care. As it is always changing we need a place to go where we can be at ease while this healing takes place inside. For me it was a difficult thing to retreat as I would rather fight... as I felt attacked I wanted to fight back to lash out at the cause of my problem...what I learned the hard way is this just made me day to day state worse.  First self care find some peace a safe place to heal...later there will be time to fight if you still want to.  I know the anger needs an outlet when it first all hits home and it is good you can do that hear.. but after the initial deal .. the bottom line you need to heal.  You in no shape to fight not yet.  Self care is the name of the game now and patients will be your friend as this can take a long time. 

 

I wish you peace. 

[celexahell]

Thanks for the encouragement and anecdotes ... it's honestly terribly difficult to continue on in this state of non existing. But I continue on in the hope that I'll be back to myself one day. Someone should go to prison for life over this. Likely, several people.

[btdt]

Thanks for the encouragement and anecdotes ... it's honestly terribly difficult to continue on in this state of non existing. But I continue on in the hope that I'll be back to myself one day. Someone should go to prison for life over this. Likely, several people.

If it ever came to that I sure they have a fall guy all ready to go...or would get one.  

Your not at all alone in your thinking I will bet we have all been there it just did not help our healing at all.  

I can recall a time where there would be page after page of like minded rants... and I am sure there are many new folks here who would like to blow off steam with you... 

Not sure what the title would look like but if you wanted to have a rant page I am sure it would not be the first one normal reaction to this abnormal situation. 

peace to you

[celexahell]

I know it gets us nowhere, but it's such a waste of life to be damaged like this. I think of dying regularly now, whereas I have never thought about it before. To be robbed of a normal emotional range is to be ripped of the essential tools of life - what is the point of anything if you can't feel anything about it? Love, lust, wonder, happiness, sadness? Even a genuine sorrowful sadness is preferable to and endless nothingness.

 

So many things are happening lately; I reunited with the love of my life and I may have just found my dream job. Yet with my highly diminished state I can't fully touch the experience and enjoy it. Being in this state is like being in some dreamworld where feelings don't exist. At least in a dream, you still get feelings, too. I know i used to, at least.

[Petunia]

I completely agree with you celexahell, I'm in the same situation, probably worse, I've been like this for over two years, I can't remember how long you have been dealing with this and you don't have your signature done yet, so I can't see. A few posts back, you mentioned lust, a brief return.  Hang onto that, I think its these little windows of normalcy which give us hope that we are capable of recovery and our nervous system is struggling to get us there as fast as possible.

 

I think its like when the power goes out because of a fault and they are trying to fix it and before the electricity gets turned back on permanently, there is sometimes a few little tests where it flickers on and off a few times, sometimes its on for a few seconds and then goes off again until finally it comes on and stays on.  Well, that's what happens here in Australia.

 

Seeing as you mentioned being in a dream world and dreaming, I'm wondering if you have normal feelings and sensations in your dreams.  At first I didn't, but now my dreams are starting to feel more normal, or rather my experiences while dreaming are more like my normal pre-withdrawal experience of life.

 

It seems like in general, your life is going very well, you are still able to function and hold a normal life together,  focus on this and the fact that as you slowly recover and get your normal feelings back, you will have a nice life to enjoy.

[celexahell]

I completely agree with you celexahell, I'm in the same situation, probably worse, I've been like this for over two years, I can't remember how long you have been dealing with this and you don't have your signature done yet, so I can't see. A few posts back, you mentioned lust, a brief return.  Hang onto that, I think its these little windows of normalcy which give us hope that we are capable of recovery and our nervous system is struggling to get us there as fast as possible.

 

I think its like when the power goes out because of a fault and they are trying to fix it and before the electricity gets turned back on permanently, there is sometimes a few little tests where it flickers on and off a few times, sometimes its on for a few seconds and then goes off again until finally it comes on and stays on.  Well, that's what happens here in Australia.

 

Seeing as you mentioned being in a dream world and dreaming, I'm wondering if you have normal feelings and sensations in your dreams.  At first I didn't, but now my dreams are starting to feel more normal, or rather my experiences while dreaming are more like my normal pre-withdrawal experience of life.

 

It seems like in general, your life is going very well, you are still able to function and hold a normal life together,  focus on this and the fact that as you slowly recover and get your normal feelings back, you will have a nice life to enjoy.

 

 

This is my only exposure to this poison.  A total of six or seven pills 20mg Citalopram total. Even in my dreams now I am aware of my problems.   I have never been this depressed before in my life; how ironic that it was only after taking a so-called 'anti-depressant'. 

[Petunia]

 

  I have never been this depressed before in my life; how ironic that it was only after taking a so-called 'anti-depressant'. 

 

 

I know, the same happened to me.  I started on an anti-depressant for anxiety, never had depression before.  But within three weeks I became severely depressed, it lasted months, I had no idea it was the drugs.

[btdt]

same here never knew the meaning of the word I sure know it now... in spades

[celexahell]

When the hell can I feel alive again?

[Muddles]

You are in a bad place - I was in exactly the same way after days on Citalopram, only the stupid doctor didn't realise I had Akathisia and put me on mirtazapine to help me sleep and eat again (lost a stone in a week). Mirtazapine made me suicidaly depressed with abnormal thoughts but I was told I needed it...never once suicidal before in my life, even on the Citalopram. Couldn't get off the stuff.

 

I wish I had done what you had and realised it was the drug and stopped and suffered it out.

I truly believe you will heal from this and will come out of a much stronger person and the ability to tackle and overcome anything that life will bring.

 

You are healing everyday....believe it.

[celexahell]

You are in a bad place - I was in exactly the same way after days on Citalopram, only the stupid doctor didn't realise I had Akathisia and put me on mirtazapine to help me sleep and eat again (lost a stone in a week). Mirtazapine made me suicidaly depressed with abnormal thoughts but I was told I needed it...never once suicidal before in my life, even on the Citalopram. Couldn't get off the stuff.

 

I wish I had done what you had and realised it was the drug and stopped and suffered it out.

I truly believe you will heal from this and will come out of a much stronger person and the ability to tackle and overcome anything that life will bring.

 

You are healing everyday....believe it.

 

 

I do have days where I feel mentally clear and normal, for the most part. Emotions aren't as strong, and reality isn't as vivid, but I feel a bit more like "myself", or in other words, who I know I am.

 

Sexually,   things have improved in the sense that orgasms can feel powerful/good now, but the main problem remains the numbness, and I know erection strength isn't up to par.   Also, I used to effortlessly get hard (I'm only in my mid-20s, I damn well should), and now it takes slightly more concentration/work.  But the most worrying thing is that I don't feel as "connected" to my package as I used to;  it's so unsettling and weird.   I really hope I can feel normal in that area again, and emotionally.

[mammaP]

You are improving CH, and will continue to improve as time goes on.  Just reading your posts 

there is a big difference to how you were when you first posted.  You will get better, maybe not

as fast as you would like but you are getting there. 

[celexahell]

Thanks MammaP. I just miss feeling so vivid and connected to the universe.

 

 

Also, sex is/was very important to me. I know how incredible my lady feels and I want to feel that again, and give it to her right.

[celexahell]

I mean, my f-king balls are numb.  They used to be incredibly sensitive.    I feel so violated and scammed.

[btdt]

I mean, my f-king balls are numb.  They used to be incredibly sensitive.    I feel so violated and scammed.

" violated and scammed"

Yes I agree good words. 

It is hard to deal with I know... tho I don't have balls the equivalent on me all sex areas were numb I know it is small cancellation but it will lessen in time.

I know too that these are only words but I am so sorry this is happening to you.

I wish you peace I truly do.  

[celexahell]

How long did it take for the numbness to go away? And libido to come back? Was it slow and gradually or a sudden improvement?

[celexahell]

I simply can't go on much longer like this.   I can't stop thinking about death.   It's the constant background thought every single moment of every single day.

[celexahell]

When the **** does it get better?

[Jemima]

I can understand you're outraged. Just about everyone on this site is in the same boat.

 

These symptoms go away with time. Think about ways you can change your attitudes and expectations to make the recovery period better for you.

 

Please pay attention to this advice.  No one can tell you how long it will take to get over these symptoms, but you will get over them in time. There is nothing we know of that will make them go away immediately.  Believe me, we staff would all be rich and retired if we had the secret to resolving these issues rapidly.

 

The best thing you can do right now is distract yourself and try to develop some patience. You're working yourself into a suicidal state which can only lead to death, disability, or a trip to the ER where you would no doubt be medicated with a Celexa-type drug. Did you know that most suicide attempts fail and that they often cause permanent disabilities?  It's definitely not the easy way out, or really any kind of solution at all.

[celexahell]

Thanks Jemmima. This is honestly a tragedy and I'm far too young to be dealing with this. I'm in my mid-20s for crying out loud and I used to be the most sexually capable guy around. Futhermore, I used to be the most empathic, social person. Now I seem to barely exist, only physically, and while sex is possible, it is perfunctory and doesn't feel nearly as mind blowing as I know it should. I try to stay calm but I can't help but realize some days that I have the health status of a 105 year old zombie. I don't want to die, I just want my life back. I don't think that's too much to ask.

 

How the **** can a few tiny pink pills delete a person from the planet I'll never know.

[Jemima]

You're not "deleted from the planet" nor will you be in a state of 105-year-old zombie-hood for the rest of your life. Exaggerating your situation can only make things worse.  You've been severely but not permanently injured, so give it a rest for a while, just as if you'd suffered any other severe physical injury. You wouldn't expect to perform every position in the Kama Sutra with a broken back, would you? You have temporary neural damage from an allergic reaction to a  chemical.  And please try to keep in mind that these extreme ideas you're having are also withdrawal symptoms.

 

Lots of people suffer severe injuries every day and many of them become permanently disabled. At least you'll eventually get your life back.  Asking to get it all back immediately IS asking too much. You're a young guy and I'm an old curmudgeon, but it's not a bad idea to learn early on that life just isn't fair and there's not a dang thing you can do about it.

 

Hang tough.

[celexahell]

Thanks for the reassurance. May I ask, did you get sex issues, and how long did they take to fully/satisfactory resolve?

[Jemima]

No, I didn't have sexual issues, but then I had just turned 66 when I went into withdrawal so I don't think Lexapro messed with my hormonal balance like it often seems to do with younger people.

 

There used to be a PSSD discussion area here on the forum, but it wasn't very active . You might find more information by Googling PSSD or Post SSRI Sexual Dysfunction.  I'll see what I can find of that old discussion group.

[celexahell]

I just can't believe this. Okay, if not sexual issues, what about emotional? When did your emotional range return?

[Jemima]

You can read both my Intro and Success stories by clicking on the links at the bottom of my posts, but believe me, our situations aren't at all comparable. The antidepressant withdrawal phenomenon is so new that there's very little scientific research to read and in my nearly three years of being on this forum I haven't yet seen any two stories that are alike. There's just no way at all to predict how long recovery will take, especially in an unusual situation such as yours where you had an apparently allergic reaction after being on an SSRI quite briefly. I never had an allergic reaction, just a hellishly long withdrawal and almost-recovery at the present time. There seem to be a lot of commonalities in individual withdrawal symptoms, but there's no way at all to predict who will get which symptoms or how long it will take any one person to recover.  Sorry, but that's the state of our knowledge at the present time.

 

I recommend both reading Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker and other people's Introductory threads for more information.

[btdt]

How long did it take for the numbness to go away? And libido to come back? Was it slow and gradually or a sudden improvement?

The numbness left gradually.  I noticed suddenly tho it seemed one day it had just become half as numb as it was.  I think it seemed sudden to me as I had not thought about for some time.  I am female and had a very sudden early menopause just before I quit Effexor as i recall... I have heard effexor can bring early menopause.  So it is hard to draw comparisons really man - woman hormones are all different.  I was also drugged for 18 years. 

Libido has not returned... other than a couple of extreme examples ... it was intense strong sexual urges and feeling in the grocery store one day and another time while driving in the car...both times I had no thought of sex on my mind it came out of the blue. 

 

I don't think you can draw on my experience except maybe with the numbness we are far too different.  From what I have read there is a wide range of how folks recover and how fast and how much.  We simply don't have the answers and I refuse to tell you a bunch of crap you don't need any more of that. 

I wish you peace... 

[celexahell]

I see. This is a ******* mystery and a ******* tragedy.

[btdt]

I just can't believe this. Okay, if not sexual issues, what about emotional? When did your emotional range return?

Again it is crap shoot nobody knows for sure.  I think your asking for specifics and I know for sure that nobody can tell you how long this will last for you.  You can search for and read about others whos drug experience is more like yours and it may be closer to what you experience or it could be light years away.  At this time I think it is our own personal anatomy and which drugs ..ect.. that cause the differences in recovery.  The truth however is we do not truly know we are just guessing. 

There are some articles that I can get my head around which Alto keeps up you may learn something there is you have the mind for it... title has Science in it... wish I had a decent answer for you wish we all had decent answers we all deserve one but there are not many answers unless they are in those science papers... I can't get my head around them myself.  

as far as I can tell there are no answers yet if there were sites like this light up like a Christmas tree and I would have heard about it..

. I wish you peace.

[btdt]

I see. This is a ******* mystery and a ******* tragedy.

Yes it is quite a horrid one. 

It is a difficult thing to get your head around and the more you read here the more you will learn what there is to learn. Also what we are trying to find out...who is trying to help us find out ect. 

It is a shock I know some how those of us here have managed to get some of the rage settled and try to look at what we are going to do... ect...but I am sure we have all had the rage too.  Please be careful not to let this turn inward that is not where this rage belongs and I have read a lot testimonies of people who have healed completely.  It is rotten yes it is maddening yes.. I could write a dictionary of derogatory words that apply here and likely have in my time... still the bottom line is... sticking around and healing... 

How your going to get thru this time and on to further healing is the question.  There are plenty of self care ideas in the thread of the same title... we are here to talk to you and listen if you want to share.  Yes we really do get it.  What I find nuts is that new people keep coming new victims as I see it .. that bugs me a lot as I know this has been going on for years... we don't get much press as you can see.  We know how damaging these drugs can be but we can't seem to warn anyone they find us here after the damage is done. That bugs me but being here for others is important too as we all needed the support ourselves and often still do.  So that is what this place is about best I can tell you and tho it may seem clinical in a way this is the beginning and how it goes... we all have to learn about this ourselves... and tho all the symptoms ect may be similar we are not all alike we differ in how we heal the intensity of our symptoms how long they last and how they present.  

It is time to learn now when your up to it. I wish I had a better answer a good one a cure.. I really do. Seems to me the ones benefiting from the profits of these drugs should have this lousy job of telling you all this but they will never tell you and somebody has to for you own good... so today it was me. Someday you may tell all this to a new person.  I wish it were different but this is how it is. I respect you person I know your pain.. I wish it wasn't but it is. 

but mostly I wish you peace...

 

in the state of peace your body has a much better chance of healing 

 

that is the best reason to get there and stay there... asap...

 

I know this is asking a lot but it is still true. 

 

B

[Chemistry]

If you're seeing any level of improvement this early on, there's no need to worry man. Seriously, if you knew for sure 100% in 6 months you'd be okay you wouldn't be thinking about death so much... Dont look too into other peoples experiences and try to make it your own or apply them to yours. Trust your experience. You mention days where things are a bit better, orgasms better, etc. It will be a gradual improvement, up and down like what you've got so far. from what i've seen, the people who recovered in the end mentioned the same things as you, the improvements very small at first but then they get better as time goes on.  Yes some things might get worse, and others better... Don't expect this to be predictable. But give it another few months and check in again, you may find you've made improvements, i'd say you most likely will. You're showing signs of healing. You're very lucky for that, at least. You can complain and feel angry about being in this mess in the first place all you want but eventually you'll have to accept that you're in this room now, and you gotta be thankful that you're finding your way out slowly, because we both know there are a few people out there that dont... or at least dont fully make it out of this room. But with the signs you're showing, i'm almost certain that won't be you. You're gonna make it. Hang in there.

[celexahell]

Thanks. My main issue with this us emotions are off and my libido is "off".

[celexahell]

I truly cannot stop thinking of death. I've spent nearly the entire far in bed. What is the point of anything if you can't feel a thing? I can't believe I made a mistake so stupid. Like a slow motion car wreck. All I needed was to talk to someone. Where the hell are my emotions? ????? I used to feel every little thing. I can't go on like this much longer. It feels like my insides are caving in and burning.