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ricardo7

Ricardo: The perfect crime

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btdt

I am sure I have permanent damage especially from xanax... I am suffering like crazy. My dizziness is so extreme, Ι can't get out of bed :(

Recovery is a joke for me...Ι don't have many options...

When I could not get out of bed cause of being so dizzy I bought and drank a baby drink call pedialite it helped me ... not a magic cure but a lot of help. 

They give it to babies when they are sick if they have been losing fluids from vomiting or diarrhea.  That is the brand name I used above it may have a different name where you live. I came to it quite by accident.

 

I also had a concussion once in my life and was dizzy all the time same as in wd truth the wd dizziness was worse in part I think cause I was expected to get up nothing else was broken with the concussion nobody expected me to get up I was suppose to be still suppose to be focusing on healing.  So rest may be helpful get as much as you can. 

 

I don't like to say this because it is a drug but it was also helpful to me tho it may have complicated recovery I was already in deep by then... I did not just quit effexor cold turkey but a few other drugs they had been trying to give me to help me some mainstays at the time were klonopen was on it a few months for sweating he said... a blood pressure med verapamil put on for pounding heart and bp that went over 200 lipitor put on for high lipids ..lorazapam when needed hit and miss in the previous few months before I tried and  lyrica mirapex cymbalta... they failed to help me. 

 

Who knows the details of all these drugs on a body but I quit taking everything one day after what at the time seemed like a talk with God or my dead mother... may have been a hallucination but to me it was real... and I listened.  My visitor said "quit taking those drugs or lay in that bed and die.."  I quit it all cold turkey.  That is how I got here may have been a bad thing to do but I am still here... I did not lay in the bed and die. People can say as they like it does not matter what matters is I am here.  

 

So here is the other thing I did.  From having the concussion I knew that a drug like gravol helps with being dizzy it is bascially the same drug the neurologist gives for concussion dizziness... so I bought some kid formula and I took 1/4 of a chewable kid strength gravol ... for all I know it is addictive and I do not think it is a good idea to think I will take this let the dizziness go down some and get up and do stuff... it is not a drug to keep going it is a drug to ease suffering lay down and rest. 

 

I  have no clue how it would react or interact with bezos or other drugs that is why I don't like to say a lot about it ...but if used repsonsibly it may be of some use to you... when I got better where I could get up and go out I always had one of these kid gravol on me in case I got to dizzy to walk... so I could get home. 

 

This may be jumped on by people I don't know but it did help me get thru those dizzy days... again some research on interactions would be a good idea if your thinking of trying it . 

peace

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btdt

after little research I discovered that this programm is scam...For a reason the  specific supplements seem to be good but I don't Know...pfffffff

only despair and nothing else...

4 times on SSRI'S in the past, I have never had such serious problems.

Septemper 2013-November 2013: Paxil (60mg)

After discontinuation (cold turkey):anhedonia, severe emotional anesthisia, severe PSSD.

 

xanax: daily use for 4.5 years at doses 0.5 mg -1.5mg.    current dose: .87,5 mg.

 

However you got here Ricardo it seems like the benzo is the problem now perhaps a bit of paxil old crap too but the benzo is the walking.. or active drug.  I think you should read Skylers introduction you can get their by clicking on her avatar... then do as she says and see the benzo forum.  It would appear there are things about benzo withdrawal I know nothing about... I know how to white knuckle it ... cold turkey taught me that.  

So there are things for you to learn yet go to the benzo page and learn them ask as many questions as you need to ask. 

I may go take a look myself as we are never too old to learn something :) 

peace

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btdt

I went there and searched the forum for "dizzy" these are the threads that came up...

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?app=core&module=search&do=search&fromMainBar=1

 

Anytime you can modify the drug your on rather than introducing a new drug into an already complicated situation it is best to modify but I am not a benzo person tho I have taken them I got off the white knuckle route you don't want to take that road seems you maybe are on it a bit now... so go see how to turn around. 

peace 

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ricardo7

I just saw your replies. thanks to all. I can't concentrate to write or read with so severe dizziness. It's impossible especially when I am not native speaker of English.  At this moment the only  thought I have is the way Ι will end my life...Ι can't eat , I can't sleep, Ι have 10 mountains in my head,  I have the xanax which kills me and I can't decide what to do for this,  I have completely numb sexual organs for ever,   I dont have emotions, I have all  my social environment, who believe I am crazy  or I have natural  depression (hahahahahahaha ) or its my choice to be sick ( not even ONE  has read my posts here), I lost my dignity , Ι lost everything. I am crying loudly all the day . Ι have exhausted to search what happens into my brain and there is no  way to learn. This kills me too.

 

What means withdrawl? It tells me nothing to be honest , and the most serious damages happen to people while on drugs.  We need go further. Is there actually desensitization of receptors and as a result inhibition of different hormones? and if the receptors are damaged how is it possible to be fixed especially without drugs? no way. Is there epigenetic mutation which means some degree of predisposition? Τhen, why it didn't happen to me the previous time I used SSRIS..We need medical researches. It is inconceivable that 99.999% of psychiatrists around the world have never heard these things.

  What "life" is it? I can't call it life anymore...it 's such a tragedy. all my human identity has been corrupted from some stupid pills because I had minor anxiety. I never had depression , I was the happiest person before the poisons.  Ι don't have more patience and  my brain cannot fix such a damage.  I feel it , it's impossible.

i apologize to all (and ecpecially to btd) who spent time to help me and I am telling these words now...I will try to reply soon in benzo-forum

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btdt

Well I am still here hope you are too.

Thing is I have been over all the ground your running on now and facts are few and far between... meaning not much is known for sure even with what is known there is no magic cure...

Time... 

In time you will heal to some degree... most of what you have now will go away and other things will come.. this is windows and waves... symptoms will change that is how it goes. 

I know how painful discouraging and frustrating it is ... all of it and to have no answers either.. it is insult to injury. 

I hope they have some ideas at the benzo forum.. we have a section here on benzos no sure if that is what you meant or not.

I wish you peace. 

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ricardo7

My brain produce only dizziness.

Impossible.

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ricardo7

Ιt's true that most of people recover even after years from such a damage? Why I believe the opossite? Please tell me...My brain is so damaged  the dizziness and the head pressure is out of human limits.I can't sleep

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ricardo7

the success stories are only 2 pages...

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ricardo7

 I have severe brain damage,I  can't get out of bed anymore...

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ricardo7

24/7 dizziness witn serious faint feeling, imbalance, dead brain feeling, head pressure( I have a pneumatic drill in my head) beyond the zero emotions.  It's impossible for someone to live like this for one day.

I will take again a SSRI poison until I quit the Xanax with little hope to feel some energy and balance. I feel Like I have 0 serotonin 0 dopamine now in my brain. I Know it's dangerous but I haven't other choice...Differently "goodbye" from me.

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LoveandLight

So sorry Ricardo..

 

Can you try just a micro dose first. See how you do? You can build up slowly from there if you need. Best wishes.

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btdt

24/7 dizziness witn serious faint feeling, imbalance, dead brain feeling, head pressure( I have a pneumatic drill in my head) beyond the zero emotions.  It's impossible for someone to live like this for one day.

I will take again a SSRI poison until I quit the Xanax with little hope to feel some energy and balance. I feel Like I have 0 serotonin 0 dopamine now in my brain. I Know it's dangerous but I haven't other choice...Differently "goodbye" from me.

This is the thread about reinstating a drug... 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7562-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-symptoms/

 

I read it and it says to 

 For case-by-case consideration of what YOU should do, please put your questions in an Introductions topic. 

 

but it would not hurt for you to read it ahead of time.. you could always pm a mod if you don't hear back about RI and your in a hurry to get started but reading this will give you an understanding of what your attempting to do. 

peace

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LucaDiProspero

24/7 dizziness witn serious faint feeling, imbalance, dead brain feeling, head pressure( I have a pneumatic drill in my head) beyond the zero emotions.  It's impossible for someone to live like this for one day.

I will take again a SSRI poison until I quit the Xanax with little hope to feel some energy and balance. I feel Like I have 0 serotonin 0 dopamine now in my brain. I Know it's dangerous but I haven't other choice...Differently "goodbye" from me.

I have the same symptoms: no energy, zero emotions, dead brain feelings.

From the web and from what my doc said SSRI will worsen your current symptoms...the best solution suggested to me is Abilify in low dosage or Wellbutrin, also Omega 3 and vitamin D.

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Faithbarelysurviving

24/7 dizziness witn serious faint feeling, imbalance, dead brain feeling, head pressure( I have a pneumatic drill in my head) beyond the zero emotions.  It's impossible for someone to live like this for one day.

I will take again a SSRI poison until I quit the Xanax with little hope to feel some energy and balance. I feel Like I have 0 serotonin 0 dopamine now in my brain. I Know it's dangerous but I haven't other choice...Differently "goodbye" from me.

I know all about head pressureRicardo! You are not alone...

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Faithbarelysurviving

I know all about benzo withdrawal, I am still suffering from it.....Have you tried increasing it a little and see if it helps? I know about brain damage feelings, I am living with it. Stay strong Ricardo,

Praying for you

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ricardo7

thanks LoveandLight and btdt.

 

Luca, it's unbeliavable. It seems we haven't any way to escape from this constant nightmare. I Know an SSRi will worsen my symptoms. It's the most likely scenario. I only remember when I took the poison the last time I had full energy and no dizziness. It was the only good effect and I punt on it. But now my brain is different and I don't have many hopes. The  anhedonia and PSSD will worsen for sure...I don't have a doubt about it. However,  I want so desperately to feel some relax , energy and balance. I don't Know If I can live like this any longer.  I took 2 pills  Wellbutrin one year ago and it was hell. Panic attacks all the day, no sleep, aκathisia...

 

Do you suffer from anhedonia and  emptiness? it 's the most inhuman. Many times I think about suicide and even that seems like I think about...the weather. I  have so severe anesthesia. U  N  B  E  L  I  A  V  A  B   L  E.

How powerfull drugs my God

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LoveandLight

Yes, I have this Ricardo xxx

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ricardo7

faith, I have maybe tolerance w/d from benzos but there is no meaning  to increase the dose because it's only vicious circle. Life is incredibly  difficult now, I can't  turn my head...Ι am battling the suicide every minute.

We need a miracle, faith. I am praying for you too.

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ricardo7

Has anyone tried a dopamine agonist for PSSD?

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johnson

Hi Ricardo,

 

Any progress on your PSSD? I've been struggling for 2.5 years now since i stopped taking my pills.

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ricardo7

Ι have AND b12 inefficiency. What can I do? can I take supplements? Because I 've read especially vit B are very stimulant for our condition..

johnson, no improvements in PSSD and other symptoms Unfortunately.

 

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LucaDiProspero

hey ricardo,

sorry for no improvements for you, same here no new good news.

all docs I've met during these months said a big NO to dopamine agonists for the instant addiction to them (even from the first dose).

I tried magnesium and omega 3 supplements: magnesium made me restless so I stopped it, omega 3 is a bit stimulating but not too much so I'm sticking with it.

So you can try and take a supplement for a couple of days and see the body/mind reactions,that's the best way imho.

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ricardo7

thank you luca. Now I am in severe panic attack and despair because as I said my blood tests showed B12  inefficiency.and it is by far  the most important vitamin. i read  it causes original nevrological damages and a ton of other symptoms. propably  this **** exacerbates my symptoms(mainly the dizziness and the weakness) since normal people without WD or adverse effects of psychotropic drugs feel awfully with this inefficiency. BUT: many people with WD argue that this type of vitamins are very stimulant for OUR nervous system and I don' t know what to decide again.. an other dead end...

 

The  doctor told  me  that I need b12 shots, ie with injections!

I can't even imagine how much damaged is my nervous system....

Please Alto, if you read this, tell me an opinion!

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ricardo7

I forgot to say that this month I was diagnosed mistakenly with Addison disease (adrenal inefficiency)! The  cortizol levels were very low (3.5) the first time but the other day was 40( over the normal)! fortunately I went to an other doctor and he told me the culprit is the drugs and there is no original adrenal disease which is a serious thing.

I think a big piece of the damage is related with HPA axis... Too many  hormones are out of balance. How is it possible for body system to control a so various damage??it's on fire all the time...pffff

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ricardo7

There is no end. Almost 2 years in the same -and even worse - condition. I have lost and my last hope. I started to believe that the survivors from this are in the same 

percentage with cancer - survivors.
I think I have give up

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Pugknows

Ricardo, I'm sorry you are suffering so much after 2 years of this hell. On the bright side, a Vit B12 deficiency is easy to fix with diet and supplements. You'll be feeling a lot better in no time. This is a concrete problem with a concrete solution. Unlike withdrawal symptoms, this is actually "fixable."

 

Hugs to you, Pug

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ricardo7

thanks Pug,but how is it possible to recover when I have so severe damage from Paxil and so major dependence on xanax? Usually people here have one of two...my chances are almost nil. Τhis is my fate

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Faithbarelysurviving

Prayers and hugs for you Ricardo. I feel your pain and distress. I wish I could be of the tiniest little help. Stay strong and have faith. Miracles do happen, God sees our suffering

Faith.

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LucaDiProspero

oh ricardo I feel your pain.

I'm one year since my crash caused by meds and no improvements...I have severe damage from lexapro (given to me at 40mg a day for two year, FDA suggests to not go above 20 mg a day) and risperdal.

I searched in the web, there are only a bunch of people who are on that dosage: there are no studies on the consequences of a long term high-dosage of lexapro so noone knows what are the damages done to the brain.

Please ricardo, we must have faith!

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ricardo7

Thanks for the replies. Sorry if I cant write often. I have so severe dizziness with faint feeling and awful head pressure. it' s the most unbearable symptom and it is propably side effect from the abuse of xanax poison. Can Xanax kill me??

 

 

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Pugknows

Ricardo,

 

Have you tried reducing the Xanax? Your CNS is in turmoil with the Lexapro withdrawal. Maybe the Xanax is too much for your raw nerves to handle. Xanax is a nasty Benzo. I wouldn't be surprised if it was causing you to feel worse in withdrawal.

 

Love and hugs to you. Pug

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ricardo7

PugKnows thank you.. I 've stuck in a specific dose as regards the Xanax. Unfortunately...I Know  it's very hamful from my system but I can't reduce it right now. I 've incredibly unbearable physical symptoms (extreme dizziness and weakness) and it 's the only thing that help me for 2-3 hours. Yesteday I was all the night at hospital with tachycardia (150beats!) in emergency room. It was propably the worst day in my life. I was feeling that now is the end. I had 150 beats for 6 hours. They gave me a b-blocker and they told me it was from anxiety. bullsh*t! it 's a consequence from the poisons but nobody doctor is able to understand that. Τhis ignorance is something unthinkable.Today Ι am afraid all day because I searched the web and I found that there is a specific type of arrythmia which called "Torsade de Pointes" as side effect from psychatric drugs (not only) and it is VERY dangerous. Has anyone heard about this? Altostrata? It's all day in my f*cking brain...

 

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Altostrata

I've read about it, Ricardo.

 

Have you gotten tachycardia often? When does it happen relative to when you take Xanax?

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ricardo7

Oh guys I am afraid so much...I have no words. Alto, how can I understand if I have this type of arrythmia?it is shown  in ECG or not? Does it happen often? I 've visited the hospital 3 times in total, 2 for tachycardia and 1 for irregular beat. No it doesn't happen when I take xanax.

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Altostrata

The hospital should put you on a monitor to trace the heart rhythm. They didn't do that?

 

Does it happen when you skip taking Xanax?

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