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Twelve-Step Recovery & Surviving Antidepressants

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getofflex

Titled:  Alcoholics Anmonymous Tremendously helpful

 

I had a drinking problem many years ago, and went to AA for years, and stayed sober.  As I was coming off of the SSRI's, I no longer had anything to numb my emotional pain, and became tempted to start drinking again.  I was also using Xanax, which is very dangerous for a recovered alcoholic to use.  So, I went back to AA a month ago.  I cannot say enough about how much this program is helping me.  I was not doing well in November or December.  I was having quite a lot of anxiety, and sadness, etc.  I went to AA and got a very strong sponsor, and am working the 12 steps.  I am having SO much more peace and serenity, and my anxiety is hugely reduced!!  I am also less sad.  I'm making new friends, and feel much less isolated!  

 

I would highly recommend a 12 step program to help with this process. I realize that some people see 12 step programs as a cult, but it doesn't have to become a cult, as long as I don't make AA my entire life.  Some people do that.  Just keep a balance.  

 

Jennifer

Edited by manymoretodays
merged

Lexapro   April02 - Aug17: 10 mg,  ***  Aug17 - Sept17: 5 mg ***  Sept17 - Nov17:  2.5 mg,  ***  Nov17: 0 mg, ***   Dec17 - Aug18: 5 mg  ***    Aug/1/18 - Aug/30/18: 2.5 mg     *** Sep/1/18 - Sep/27/18:  1.25 mg. ***   Sep/28/18 - Oct/31/18:  2.5 mg,  ***  Nov/1/18 - Nov/15/18: 1.25 mg  ***   Nov/16/18 - Nov/30/18: 2.5 mg  ***   Dec/1/18 - Dec/27/18: 2.0 mg (switched to liquid)  ***    Dec/27/18 - Jan/31/19: 1.5 mg ***    Feb/1/19 - Feb/20/19: 1.0 mg  ***  Feb/21/19 - Mar/7/19: 0.5 mg  ***  Mar/8/19 - May/03/19: 0.8 mg ***   May/04/19 - May/13/19 0.7 mg ***  May/14/19 - May/24/19 0.6 mg *** May/25/19 - June/05/19. 0.5 mg *** June/06/19 - July/19/19 0.4 mg. ***  July/20/19 - Sep 14 2019 0.3 mg.  ***  Sep 15 2019 - Oct 21 2019 0.27 mg. *** Oct 22 2019 - Jan 18 2020 - 0.23 mg. *** Jan 19 2020 - April 1 2020 0.2 mg  ***  April 2 2020 - July 15 2020 0.18 mg *** July 16 2020 - August 22 0.17 mg, August 23 -- Oct 6 0.16 mg, Oct 7 - present 0.15 mg

Trazodone.  used 50 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, have discontinued altogether as of 12/23/19

Xanax. used 0.5 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, have discontinued altogether as of 12/23/19 

When I cannot go to sleep, I take Benadryl 50 mg, Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mag. in AM 1/2 hour before breakfast with 24 ounces water

supplements AM: omega 3 fish oil, flax seed oil, natural multivitamin, vitamin C, vitamin E

supplements PM: Natural Calm magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, 5-HTP 50 mg. Estroven Sleep Cool and Calm (contains black cohosh 40 mg, soy isoflavones 56 mg) melatonin 3 mg

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manymoretodays

Hi Jennifer, @getofflex

 

Merged your recent post here, as I think it fits.

Yes, me too.  It's been really helpful to me as well.

 

I really need to stay active in my 12 step program and fellowship.  It's kind of at the top of my priorities now.  When I keep it that way, the rest does seem to fall into a nice balance.  And it's such a wonderful program in which to stay spiritually fit.

 

How  are you doing?  And thankyou for posting on my introduction!

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Harriet8

Hello everyone,

 

I have only managed to skim through this thread due to very limited capacity right now.  But I wanted to ask a question to see if anyone else has considered this:

 

I was introduced to 12 steps in 2015, CODA initially, and then ACA.  The fellowships became really important to me and I felt like 12 step programmes were really very very special, and I was amazed that such an amazing thing existed worldwide, available to all of us.....  Anyway, through the effects of a withdrawal which was too complex and too fast, I ended up housebound and unable to go to my meetings.  I did try to continue them online for a while but noticed that I was starting to identify less and less because I wasn't able to be active in relationships (at work, with friends, at home....) because I have lost all my relationships through my declining health over the past ten years due to meds.  It is a grief that is huge and I'm not managing it well.  I realise how ESSENTIAL it is for me (and probably for most of us) to have connections, meaningful relationship, especially during the toughest times of our lives.  I need to make this a priority now to be able to keep going.  So, I considered Chronic Pain (and Chronic Illness) Anonymous, CPA.  Does anyone else have experience of this fellowship?  I have tried a few meetings.  I think part of my inner struggle is trying to work out whether I want to identify as being chronically ill, within myself, or not.  That might sound ridiculous, because I am chronically ill!  And I know I'm fighting that reality and that in itself is causing huge problems.  But part of me is saying, "don't adopt that identity; keep looking towards health; keep tipping in that direction".  Whilst it was a big and emotional thing for me to identify as codependent, I am absolutely able and willing to own that identity.  I am really really struggling to identify as chronically ill.  [I'm rushing a little as I am being called away.  I don't want to be sloppy but I also know that if I don't post this, it might take me a long time to get the energy and focus together to do it another time.  So please forgive waffliness or lack of care/clarity.]  I would really welcome anyone else's thoughts on this.  Thank you.  I know I'm circling the whole issue of acceptance (especially because I have been rendered so disabled by psych drugs) and because I am looking at 5 - 7 years plus of tapering, and am already housebound, and having to hold because I'm so unstable😌.  I'm just trying to find any ways I can right now to keep the flame of hope alive.  And I think, for me, now, it's essential that I make some connections.

 

Warmest wishes to you all,

 

Harriet8


1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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Felisbela
On 9/8/2018 at 1:18 AM, manymoretodays said:

Hi guys!  Yah, I am going to try alanon one of these weeks.  I've been getting back to my new/revised AA program and it's going really well.  I love my AA fellowship, often where ever I go.

 

My sponsor is back too......she'd been traveling, and checked on me post dental procedure.  She's a keeper for sure.

 

Also, I had meant to mention awhile back that is was LSD that Bill W. did, not mushrooms..........according to the official literature.  Lois even joined him in this endeavor and he turned down an offer from Timothy Leary to do LSD with him...........or so the legend goes........  B)

 

I'm getting a lot out of meetings lately, and getting more disciplined in my daily use of the tools inherent........once again.  Progress, not perfection we often say.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

I'm glad


  • 13th of August 2019 started to take 20 mg citalopram
  • 😀24th of August 2019 down to 10mg stopped citalopram altogether on the 30th of August 2019
Quote

Short term citalopram

 

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Hibari
On 2/10/2020 at 1:54 PM, Harriet8 said:

Hello everyone,

 

I have only managed to skim through this thread due to very limited capacity right now.  But I wanted to ask a question to see if anyone else has considered this:

 

I was introduced to 12 steps in 2015, CODA initially, and then ACA.  The fellowships became really important to me and I felt like 12 step programmes were really very very special, and I was amazed that such an amazing thing existed worldwide, available to all of us.....  Anyway, through the effects of a withdrawal which was too complex and too fast, I ended up housebound and unable to go to my meetings.  I did try to continue them online for a while but noticed that I was starting to identify less and less because I wasn't able to be active in relationships (at work, with friends, at home....) because I have lost all my relationships through my declining health over the past ten years due to meds.  It is a grief that is huge and I'm not managing it well.  I realise how ESSENTIAL it is for me (and probably for most of us) to have connections, meaningful relationship, especially during the toughest times of our lives.  I need to make this a priority now to be able to keep going.  So, I considered Chronic Pain (and Chronic Illness) Anonymous, CPA.  Does anyone else have experience of this fellowship?  I have tried a few meetings.  I think part of my inner struggle is trying to work out whether I want to identify as being chronically ill, within myself, or not.  That might sound ridiculous, because I am chronically ill!  And I know I'm fighting that reality and that in itself is causing huge problems.  But part of me is saying, "don't adopt that identity; keep looking towards health; keep tipping in that direction".  Whilst it was a big and emotional thing for me to identify as codependent, I am absolutely able and willing to own that identity.  I am really really struggling to identify as chronically ill.  [I'm rushing a little as I am being called away.  I don't want to be sloppy but I also know that if I don't post this, it might take me a long time to get the energy and focus together to do it another time.  So please forgive waffliness or lack of care/clarity.]  I would really welcome anyone else's thoughts on this.  Thank you.  I know I'm circling the whole issue of acceptance (especially because I have been rendered so disabled by psych drugs) and because I am looking at 5 - 7 years plus of tapering, and am already housebound, and having to hold because I'm so unstable😌.  I'm just trying to find any ways I can right now to keep the flame of hope alive.  And I think, for me, now, it's essential that I make some connections.

 

Warmest wishes to you all,

 

Harriet8

Hi Harriet

 

I tried CPA (Chronic Pain and Chronic Illness) for awhile.  The people were kind and welcoming and I was familiar with 12 step programs having been member of Alanon, which I loved.  But after I was injured by medication, I couldn't attend the in person meetings and even on the phone  meetings, I found it hard to relate to the familiar Alanon issues.  

 

I have stepped back from CPA because I too did not want to identify as a chronically ill person.  I just found myself getting upset and not relating to the group even though the members are kind and caring.  So I understand your thoughts on CPA.   I want to feel hopeful that I will heal completely at the end of this final taper and defining myself as chronically ill was hard for me too.

 

In the end I had to trust that my reluctance was not denial but actually the part of me that has hope and belief that there will be an end to this.phase of my life.  

 

Hibari 


Sept 2013-Apr 2014:  After death of my mom put on as series of meds. Zoloft 6 days, Lexapro1 day, Nortriptyline 10 days, Liquid Prozac 1 week, Cymbalta 1 week.

Got off Clonzapam: 1/2014-9/2014. After given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs

Completed Remeron taper: 41.25 -0.025mgs  1/2015-4 2017. 

Completed Lamictal Taper: 200mgs-0.05 mgs 7/ 2015-11/2018. 

Clonazapam  December 2018. 0.625 Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping and not thinking straight. 28 March, 2019  4% taper Total: .625mgai   26 May, 2019  4% taper Total: .575 mgai,   24 June, 2019 2.5 % taper  10 Clonzapam tablets weigh1.999 mgpw  Average  200 mgpw.  0.0073mgai 9AM, 0.0073mgai 3PM, .415mgai, Total: 561mgai,  10 July, 2019 (Compounded pills) .0073mgai 9AM,.0073mgai 3PM, .415mgai,

Total .561mgai   26 August, 2019 (Back to regular pills due to bad reaction) .0078mgai 9AM, .01075mgai 3PM, .360mgai PM, Total: .545mgai   26 Sept. 2019 .0775mgai 9AM, .1mgai 3PM, 0.350mgai PM: Total: .5275mgai   31 Oct, 2019 .0750mgai 9AM, .0925mgai 3PM, 0.340mgai 930PM, Total: .5075mgai,   30 Nov. 2019 .0775mgai 9AM, .0825mgai 3PM, .3325mgai 9:30PM, Total:.490mgai   31 Dec. 2019 .0775mgai 9AM,  .080mgai 3PM, .3225mgai 9:30PM,  Total: .4775mgai   31 Jan. 2020 .0725mgai 9AM, .0750mgai 3pm, .315mgai 9:30PM, Total: .4625mgai    29 Feb. 2020  .0675mgai 9AM, .0675 3PM, .305 mgai 9PM Total: .440mgai 31 March 2020 .065mgai 9AM,  .065mgai 3PM, .2925mgai 10PM, Total: 4225mgai  30 April 2020 .0625mgai 9AM, .0625mgai 3PM, .2775mgai 10PM  Total: .4025mgai 31 May 2020 .0625mgai 9AM, .0625 mgai 3PM, .2526 mgai 10PM, Total: .3775mgai  30 June 2020 .0625mgai 9AM, .0625mgai 3PM  .2175 mgai 10PM Total .3425mgai.   31 July 2020 .0575 mgai 9AM .0550 mgai 3PM .180mgai 10PM Total .2925mgai  31 August 2020 .00475mgai 9AM, 0.0045mgai 3PM, .01475mgai 10PM Total: .2375mgai  30 September 2020 0.0375mgai 9AM 0.035mgai 3PM 0.110mgai 10PM  Total: .1825mgai

 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs,  Vitamin D, Vitamin C, Magnesium Glycinate

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