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Ramsnic

☼ Ramsnic: Effexor ruined my marriage

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Ramsnic

7 Years ago I had a nervous breakdown.

I was off work a year unable to function

They prescribed me Effexor after 4 months.

7 months later I flew abroad unexpectedly to see family.

I came home 4 weeks later and left my husband of 16 years.

I felt I didn't love him anymore.

I moved out. My family were devastated. My husband tried to tell me and the

Doctor it was the Effexor as his wife would not do this.

They said it was me and nothing to do with the tablet.

After a year fighting he gave up on me. I can't blame him.

I was on 225mg. I slowly reduced but each reduction led to severe withdrawal symptoms.

I had no insight and believed I'd made my decisions.

7 years later today is my first day Effexor free and I feel like have woken

From a nightmare.

My husband has gone and my children have adapted.

But i feel like it's day 1.

 

I found a blog listing hundreds of stories by people who have

Lost their partner/wife/husband due to personality changes after taking SSRIs

Yet our do called doctors ignore the pleas of loved ones.

I have tried up get off this drug for years.

Today I feel scared but pleased but I also feel lost and ashamed.

I survived a depression by taking Effexor and crucified my family.

I'd rather have died in the beginning than wake up today from this nightmare.

 

 

For the families who are losing a loved one to this drug. Don't give up.

Take the drug and help taper it off if you can.

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dalsaan

Hi Ramsnic

 

Welcome to SA. I've just edited your post to add your user name to the title given this is your introductory post

 

Congratulations on being drug free, I'm sorry it has come at such a cost to you. Your family have been victims of an industry that peddles misery in the name of well being. I know it's difficult but please try not to be hard on yourself, there is no shame in experiencing adverse effects from ADs or withdrawal. If you were in a position to make well informed choices you would have.

 

We can't take away the pain from where you have ended up but we can empathise from a place of real experience. Your pain is your own but you are not alone.

 

If you have any questions please feel free to ask, if you have any wisdom you care to share we welcome that too.

 

Please keep in touch about how you are going. Many of us are still tapering so people value information from those that have finished

 

Do you have any ongoing withdrawal symptoms?

 

Take care

 

Dalsaan

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Ramsnic

I feel so sad. I would never have left my family. I cannot prove that. I have woke up from a nightmare and I can't stop crying.

I caused so much pain.

Today I've opened my eyes and my first thought

Was the suffering and pain caused to my husband and children. It was preventable. I've lost 7 years if my life in a drug induced blur. I sound crazy and why would anyone believe it was the tablet. I've only realised because I read so many stories on the same things happening. I always knew it was a strange thing to do but the drug stopped me caring or thinking or feeling anything.

 

I would never have left my family. I don't know if I'll fall off the edge now I'm off it.

Maybe the original depression will get me as I feel so down. I will not take another tablet in my life. I'm scared.

I want to go back and have not taken this drug. I wAnt my family back and the years of pain I caused to disappear. I want to prove my innocents to the people who looked at me with shame. But most importantly I just want them to know I loved them. It was not me.

I loved my husband he was my best friend.

I cannot believe I just stopped loving him and had an affair. He tried to tell them but they said it was me and my choice.

I would never have left my husband.

 

So it's day two and I'm drug free. It's not so great because I can see clearer and I feel suicidal.

 

I spoke to my husband and he said it's ok. Stop looking back. I knew it was the tablets.

I showed him the thousands if posts I found on TOPICS forum. He said focus on your future.

He's a lovely man.

 

I can't move forward or look forward. I feel like I'm in a nightmare. I've woken up after all these years snd only through tapering so very slowly I have cleared it from distorting my mind. I now grieve the death of who I was.

 

 

Devastated. How can this happen?

How can it change your personality to such an ex stream.

Why did they keep me on it know in my husband was begging them to stop prescribing me it.

They have no idea the damage this drug causes.

In the minutes where I feel stronger I want to advertise to the world to stop people taking this drug but in the rest if the time I don't know if I can live with what I've done.

Their taking me to the doctors today as I'm constantly crying. Do you think they will date offer me another drug. Nothing will save me. I will never take their POISEN again.

 

My daughter us do worried she said please go in hospital. I can't do that. They would force drugs on me to lift my mood. Drugs that distort the thought process and you don't know it's happening.

 

I promised my girls I won't leave them. I really hope I can keep that promise. They've suffered enough.

I would never have left them. Please God.

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Lexy

Please don't beat yourself up. This is is not your fault...not your fault at all. Your ex husband sounds like a strong man who is very understanding.

You have the capacity now to change things. Don't waste time knocking yourself down. Show them the kind of person you are now OFF these horrific drugs.

Peace

Lexy

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Ramsnic

Please help me. How do you accept what you have done when it's so awful.

Has anyone else woken up from this drug and how have you got through it.

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mammaP

Hi Ramsic, I am so so sorry for the losses that you have suffered because of effexor.  

Can you tell us a bit about your taper?  I am tapering effexor too and I feel that maybe you are feeling some withdrawal

right now that is emphasising the pain that you feel.  Your sorrow is very real but speaking from my own experience 

what is very upsetting becomes devastatingly heartbreaking in withdrawal. There have been times when all I could

do was cry.  I am stable right now but I know that can change at any moment. 

 

This will get better, you are devastated right now but that will fade.  Your ex husband sounds like a lovely man who 

understands and does not hold anything against you, and your daughter is right beside you too.  Take it one day at a time,

one hour at a time and it will pass. It is early days yet and better days are ahead for you.  

If you feel like it might help you could take just a few beads of effexor, I take just 3 beads now and had to reinstate after

quitting at 1mg.    Going to the doctor or hospital would inevitably mean more medication. 

 

Keep in touch, we are here for you and will help you get through this.  

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Ramsnic

Thank you so much for saying those kind words.

Maybe I am suffering more cos I'm withdrawing.

I feel devastated and angry.

I rang the doctor and she said the Dr could never have known my personality changed. Husbands call frequently when a wife leaves. She said they would have taken the decision to ignore what he said based on what I was saying. As long as I would have passed a capacity test.

Maybe it will get easier. It would be easier if I felt it had been my choice. I can see they didn't deliberately let me destroy my family. They thought I had capacity. Or they just didn't think.

 

I've asked for councelling. She's calling me back. She said I must forgive myself but how can I forgive what I had no control over.

 

Your right maybe it's the withdrawal. I could take 1mg but I will feel defeated. Taking the drug again that stole my life. Maybe 0.5. I dont know.

 

She asked how I would kill myself and I told her.

They've killed me already. So she said she will try to get me counselling quicker.

I would prefer to think id wrecked my family by choice. I would have to accept that.

I keep thinking how happy we were before. I wasn't well but I was with my family.

 

Doctor rang back and crisis team will be contacting me to see if I can get counselling.

She said it's not your fault you have this condition. It's like diabetics. It will always be there. You've done well to get off the tablet.

 

What about what the tablet did to me? No answer.

 

I asked if I should reinstate 1mg she said keep it close by and see how you feel.

 

Poisened by these people and they have no idea what to do next.

 

I'm sorry I'm going on. I like the advice to take it an hour at a time. It's strange because I get windows where I feel less devastated and black windows of no hope.

 

Only other sufferers can understand this I'm sure.

 

Thank you so much.

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andy

so sorry to read your story,my marriage is going through a very bad patch due to withdrawal and the medication but I have hope

 

"She said it's not your fault you have this condition. It's like diabetics. It will always be there." I dont agree with this you can recover but it takes time nobody can tell you how long but you need to be strong and patient.I recovered from two hospital admissions and a cocktail of drugs if I can you can

good luck ,never give up hope

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Ramsnic

Thank you Andy.

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mammaP

If you have only been off for a few days I would go back on the 1mg, you have a great

advantage that you have the liquid already and can reduce by tiny increments.  Effexor is a nasty drug to get off

and it is the low doses that seem to cause the most problems. It is not failure it is looking after yourself but I know

how devastating it is to have to  go back when you think you are finally free.  I had to reinstate after a few weeks

off and it took several months to stabilise.  

 

Sadly your story is not uncommon and we hear it quite a lot. It is horrendous and doctors just don't accept it! 

The chemical imbalance like diabetes is a myth that was perpetuated by the drug companies and has now been

proven to be untrue. This is not your illness, it is not in you and you will not need those pills for life! See the topics in

Journals, there are lots of references to actual studies and scientific sources. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/16-from-journals-and-scientific-sources/

 

Also see neuro emotions, about how sensitive we are in withdrawal.http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/137-neuro-emotion/

 

And about reinstating to stabilise. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3079-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-stop-withdrawal-symptoms/

 

I'm sorry if I have bombarded you with too much info, I just want you to know that this will pass and you will feel better.

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Ramsnic

Thank you do very much. I'm getting mute anxious all the time. It comes in waves.

One minute I feel string and determined the next I feel terrified and isolated in fear.

I can't believe I did what I did all those years ago and I now I know it wasn't me. It was the drug it's worse. My family are great and supportive. I just feel scared alone. Scaredoif letting it beat me. I can't thank you enough for this forum and your support.

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dalsaan

I agree with MammaP, you may well be feeling the effects if withdrawal which can have significant effects on your emotions. You don't need that. Can you please provide details of your taper in your signature so that we are better positioned to know your circumstances

 

When did you start your tape, how did you do it - how often did you drop and by how often?

 

Dalsaan

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Ramsnic

Hey. I made a mistake with my tapering and have had to go back on it.

I was on what I thought was 1mg but liquid form it was 1ml. So I wasn't as low as I thought.

I'm staying at 11.25mg

Ive been horrific with suicidal thoughts and complete despair.

My minds not great so working out the liquid form somehow got muddled up.

 

I was on 15mg for a few months then 11.25 for 2 weeks and then I dropped it. Big mistake.

So now I've learnt this last bit will be really hard so I will taper much slower.

 

One day I'll be free.

I have this on my phone so I'm not sure how to add a signature. Any guidance would be good.

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mammaP

You've come a long way and will get back on track. I'm glad you realised your mistake

and am sure you will feel better soon. I would have a long hold and give your nervous

system a chance to settle before starting again.  I'm relieved for you! 

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Ramsnic

2 days back on it and feel flat. Short crying spells bit not sheer dispare. More if a silent anger.

I'm consumed with either fear it anger.

I've rang a solicitors to see what if anything I can do.

Money would never give me back what I've lost but i need to stand up to what has happened to help other people who are still prescribed this POISEN.

I'm thinking of starting a campaign on Facebook.

Putting posters up in the doctors office and phychiatric wards.

But at the moment I have to recover from this failed attempt. Can barely function yet. But I will.

I cannot rate this site high enough. At times of shear panic I knew you were all here suffering too and I felt strength that I couldn't give up.

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mammaP

It could take a few days for your body to adjust, 15mg to 11.5 is quite a big drop, then quitting will have destabilised

your nervous system but it will settle down again.  

 

I would be careful with the posters and campaigns, we want everyone to know the truth but sometimes have to

take it gently. The last thing you want is for the doctors to think you have lost the plot and label you as psychotic

because you have stopped your medication  ;) .

The internet is another thing, you can do anything on the internet!  I love this site because it is informative and 

Alto has everything backed up with evidence,  it is the best place in the world for learning the truth about psych 

drugs in my opinion.

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Ramsnic

Not so good today. Started taking the tablet again 2 weeks ago and each day I have started to feel more able to cope.

It's not been easy but the tears slowed and the panic reduced.

But today I just feel empty. Defeated. Can't see the point in fighting on.

I will never be free. I am stuck on this sh*tty POISEN and while ever I am, I feel there is no hope.

I'm thinking locking myself away for a while and stopping it.

The outcome will be what if will be.

I'm not a mother to my girls. I get home from work and go to bed. I sleep and wake tired.

I function in an irratble state. No one gets it.

So I'm realising I'm addicted to prescription drugs.

How can that have happened. So angry.

 

I need time off work to get off this POISEN but I'm scared to do that.

Scared my job will somehow be in jeopardy. Scared they will think I'm crazy. Scared I'll be unable to pay my bills. Scared I'll lose my home. Tired if feeling like this.

No fight left today. Can't face the pain of reducing yet can't face the pain of staying in this state.

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mammaP

Are you still at 11.5 and taking it in liquid form Ramsnic? Things will get easier once you have stabilised.

We all get it here, every one of us are behind you,  

One thing I want to clear up, you are NOT addicted to drugs, yes you are dependant but not addicted. 

Addiction is when you need more and more to get the same effect and crave the drug. NO ONE craves

effexor!!  Locking yourself away and stopping it wouldn't speed things up it would be horrendous for you.

It isn't just getting it out of your system that is the problem, your brain has been functioning around that

drug and yanking it away is like yanking a trellis away from a beautiful Clematis plant. It needs taking away

gently so that the brain can regrow and strengthen gradually as the dose lowers.

 

It is criminal what has happened to all of us here and one day the drug companies will hopefully get their 

comeuppance, In the meantime we have to be kind to ourselves and play the waiting game. You are an

amazing mum and doing your very best in impossible circumstances, you must give yourself credit for that.

You are doing your best for your children and going to work which must be very difficult but you are doing it.

 

Hang in there, one day at a time. 

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Ramsnic

You are a beautiful person whose selfless act replying to all our sorrowful messages will one day be rewarded mammap.

 

You speak with such insight. Thank you.

Truly. Thank you!

 

Maybe just stopping isn't the right thing. I understand that but hate it.

I feel like it's dragging on this feeling.

I ended up taking 15mg as I felt so bad instead if the 11.5 mg.

I've stuck at that. My intentions were to reduce 0.1mg a month but I would like to reduce faster monthly.

15mg October. 10 November 5 December . Stop. Over 3 months. Do you think that's doable!?

 

I just want to be free. I'm losing my mind. But I know it has to be done slow. I just have this urgency to do it fast. I just want it over.

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mammaP

That schedule will just make you sick Ramnsic, honestly it is too fast. When did you go to 15? 

Do you feel any benefit?  I know this is incredibly hard, I am down to a miniscule 3 beads of effexor 

and have to resist the urge to quit now! It is the same for most of us, we just want to do something, ANYTHING

to make it better but it really is better to go slow. When you are stable you will feel so much better and will be

happy to hold for a while. It is when waves are bad that we want to rush things, thinking it is the drug that is making

us so sick.  Your brain and nervous system will heal but they need stability. Taper too fast and it will go back into

chaos.  The idea is to remove the drug so gently it can recover gently drops. 

 

Allow your brain to heal, and take care of it.  If someone you had an accident and were physically seriously injured 

you would have to let your body heal, and have the right therapy to help it along.  Rushing it would make it worse.

You wouldn't try walking on a broken leg until it was healed, otherwise it wouldn't heal right and would take much longer.

Our brain needs time to heal too, and can't be rushed. It will get better, I promise.

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Ramsnic

I've got a months sick note. Can't juggle work anymore. I think I'm suffering the back lash of stopping it two/three weeks ago.

I don't know what I will go next. It's destroying me.

I

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mammaP

You will be fine Ramsnic, you are right that you could be feeling the effects of stopping a few weeks ago but 

things will settle down again. I'm sorry that you are going through this but it will get better.

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Altostrata

Ramsnic, read this

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Recovery

 

Neuro-emotion 

 

Withdrawal syndrome magnifies unpleasant emotions. Many of us have experienced excruciating feelings of guilt as a result of our nervous systems being upset by drug changes.

 

Please stop changing your dosage!!! You need to give the reinstatement a chance to work. You may be fine with less of the drug, and that might not cause the bad side effects. More is not necessarily better.

 

How are you feeling now?

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Ramsnic

I'm still alive! ;)

I get the waves and I can see this is what's happening. Today was a good day. I walked the dog and felt okish. Can't so too much but obsess over this. Thank you for the link. It helped.

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Ramsnic

Update. I got off the drug on the 7th November!

It was a horrific experience. I reduced down to 4mg. I experienced horrible black moods and on one occasion I drove my car to a spot to end my life. Through the grace of God I got through that day. The next day I stopped at 4mg and I slept for 3 weeks. Occasionally wondering around my house in total despair. Today I'm still at home, off work and still struggling to function but I do manage to clean up and occasionally walk the dog. The build up to getting off the drug did not prepare me for what would happen afterwards.

I cannot think, I have no memory, I cannot tolerate anything slightly stressful, I have severe fatigue BUT I'm no longer plagued with effects from that drug. I made an appt to speak with a professor in London who specialises in brain chemistry. He has prescribed me numerous supplements to nourish my brain. He has advised me to eat healthy and avoid wheat and sugar.

I'm starting the supplements this week and I'm praying I will get my life back. It has bed. A horrific experience and after learning about supplants and natural remedies I'm hopeful I can help my brain repair the damage caused to me by this drug. I'm not there yet and I know it may take months yet but one day I'm hopeful I will be recovered from this horrific drug.

For anyone still reducing it, the lady part is the hardest. Stay with family, havd support, knod you may get suicidal but know it's the drug, not you. Once I was off it the suicidal thoughts stopped!

This is one horrific drug.

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Ramsnic

After posting above I've read back all my posts and it made me sad. I was in total despair during the withdrawal. Devastated by my actions and the reality if what I did.

As soon as I stopped it at 4 mg I did not feel such despair. The intensity of withdrawal is horrific!!

I do not feel this way now. I'm too exhausted to function but it's bearable. I know I'm getting better slowly. I know everyday I see improvements.

I cannot believe the effects of these drugs.

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RubyTuesday

Ramsnic,

I so truly am sorry and I totally understand your situation as it is mine too.

your post has helped me understand something that has been underneath my awareness but it finally surfacing.

I left my husband 18 years ago and since I got off ADs have grieved terribly.

now i remember that when he started using crack he had been on trazidone. i did not know anything then about what psych meds, did not get on prozac till my 2nd "marriage"

now unfortunately i have to acknowledge that antidepressants ruined my marriage as well.

i did not understand what was wrong with him.

much love,

Ruby Tuesday

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Ramsnic

Hey Ruby Tuesday.

It's horrific what these drugs do. I suppose were lucky to be off them but dealing with the aftermath

Isn't easy.

Much love to you. Life is a test and this is a turning point xxxxx

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mammaP

Please be careful with the supplements Ramsnic, read this topic carefully http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/606-important-topics-about-tests-supplements-herbs-treatments/ . If you try them introduce one at a time and at a low dose in case you react to them.

In withdrawal we can become very sensitive to supplements and need only a fraction of the recommended dose.

 

I hope it goes well for you, let us know how you get on. 

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Broken

Hi Ramsnic

 

I'm truly sorry for what you have had to endure. I came very close to having an affair myself after 4 years on Citalopram, something I know in my heart I would never have considered otherwise. It was for this reason I stopped taking it, since then I have been on several different medications and I'm now in a worse place than I could ever have imagined possible but somehow my relationship is still intact, just.

 

I became numb on Citalopram, never considered the emotions of those I loved the most. It became apparent to me that I was losing myself, my wife was reaching out for love and affection and yet I felt nothing, no guilt whatsoever.

 

It's frightening to think to what extent these pills can affect every aspect of your being both mentally and physically.

 

Now that I'm off all medication I'm unfortunately experiencing protracted withdrawal and my relationship is suffering for a whole host of different reasons. My wife I think just feels sorry for me now, I'm borderline disabled at this point.

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Broken

I hope you can heal from this.

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Ramsnic

Hey Broken.

I'm healing now. I've gone through total despair and utter devastation as to what I did.

I had no insight. I had absolutely no idea the tablets changed me. I just started an affair and walked away without emotion to the trauma I left behind. Since starting taking supplements I have started to live again. It's early days. I've been in them 11 days and I've returned to work yesterday for a half day. I'm hoping to go back full time January. I read loads and the only way to recover is to nourish the brain and only eat good food. I don't eat wheat as it causes depression or sugar. I'm reducing dairy. This had cleared my mind and I feel less foggy.

I saw a therapist who told me which supplements to buy. It was a last ditch attempt and it worked. I'm alive and I'm functioning. If only doctors prescribed supplements, healthy eating and looking after ourselves instead if mind altering drugs, I'd still be happily married today.

Everyday is a blessing if you look after yourself.

God bless. X

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Altostrata

Good to hear, Ramsnic.

 

Which supplements have you found most helpful?

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Ramsnic

Tyrosin 2 a day but upto 6 can be taken 500mg

Dlpa 1 500mg

Rhodiola 2 500m

St. John's wort 2 300mg

Take above for 6 days a week. Giving a day off so brain has to work harder and not become reliant.

This teaches brain to recover.

 

Multi vitamin (no folic acid in) drs best multiple

NAC detox regulator 2

Lithium 1 5mg

Magnesium 2 day 150mg

Super bio 1 400mg

Zinc 1 25mg

Omega 3 630mg

Iron 1 210mg

D3 1 5000iu

Extra b3 and b6 for pmt

These are all high grade supplements.

I was nervous taking th all as I read link on here about interactions but I forwarded the link to the therapist who said it wasn't right and to start taking them. I'm glad I did. I'm back at work!!!

I'm living a normal life and I feel happy!

I'll take these for 6 weeks then look to reduce them and with good diet the idea is that I'll be ok.

I'll probably always top up with some aupplimwnta but not all.

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ang

I feel so sad. I would never have left my family. I cannot prove that. I have woke up from a nightmare and I can't stop crying.

I caused so much pain.

Today I've opened my eyes and my first thought

Was the suffering and pain caused to my husband and children. It was preventable. I've lost 7 years if my life in a drug induced blur. I sound crazy and why would anyone believe it was the tablet. I've only realised because I read so many stories on the same things happening. I always knew it was a strange thing to do but the drug stopped me caring or thinking or feeling anything.

 

I would never have left my family. I don't know if I'll fall off the edge now I'm off it.

Maybe the original depression will get me as I feel so down. I will not take another tablet in my life. I'm scared.

I want to go back and have not taken this drug. I wAnt my family back and the years of pain I caused to disappear. I want to prove my innocents to the people who looked at me with shame. But most importantly I just want them to know I loved them. It was not me.

I loved my husband he was my best friend.

I cannot believe I just stopped loving him and had an affair. He tried to tell them but they said it was me and my choice.

I would never have left my husband.

 

So it's day two and I'm drug free. It's not so great because I can see clearer and I feel suicidal.

 

I spoke to my husband and he said it's ok. Stop looking back. I knew it was the tablets.

I showed him the thousands if posts I found on TOPICS forum. He said focus on your future.

He's a lovely man.

 

I can't move forward or look forward. I feel like I'm in a nightmare. I've woken up after all these years snd only through tapering so very slowly I have cleared it from distorting my mind. I now grieve the death of who I was.

 

 

Devastated. How can this happen?

How can it change your personality to such an ex stream.

Why did they keep me on it know in my husband was begging them to stop prescribing me it.

They have no idea the damage this drug causes.

In the minutes where I feel stronger I want to advertise to the world to stop people taking this drug but in the rest if the time I don't know if I can live with what I've done.

Their taking me to the doctors today as I'm constantly crying. Do you think they will date offer me another drug. Nothing will save me. I will never take their POISEN again.

 

My daughter us do worried she said please go in hospital. I can't do that. They would force drugs on me to lift my mood. Drugs that distort the thought process and you don't know it's happening.

 

I promised my girls I won't leave them. I really hope I can keep that promise. They've suffered enough.

I would never have left them. Please God.

I too was on effexor for about 8 years.  Gave up went thru horrific withdrawals, went on zoloft, finally gave that up.  Only now do I have a clear brain, as to what it did to me.  I lost a husband, then I lost my home.  It all feels so raw.Read the neuro emotions bit, it may help.  But yes the fact that perhaps things would have been different, I will never know.  I do know all the side effects now, while being on effexor, high blood pressure, change of personality, aggressiveness, inability to clean and cook properly, liver damage, nausea........  straonge how one does not recognise this while on these things.  But I am grateful, I have survived, my kids still love me. I was homeless with a 16 year old son, now have a home.  I try to cope with the guilt of it all every day, also.  but it wasn't all my fault, neither is it your fault, just our journey thru life, that makes us wiser.

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