apace41: tapering Zoloft / sertraline

[apace41]

Thanks for your input, Sert.  One of the things about this site is how members go from "another guy suffering withdrawal" to "esteemed person on the other side" once they have healed.  It's truly an exalted status as if you now hold all the answers to all the questions.  LOL.  I know you don't think that and you are wise to limit your responses to your experience and encouragement (Pug does the same, wisely) because healing carries with it the burden of expectation of others.  Since you are wise in your posts you will do fine in this new role.

 

23 minutes ago, Sertramean said:

Timescale-wise when do you envisage jumping off?

 

I have not time frame.  I have no schedule that I'm adhering to.  I've been going as I can and holding when it's too uncomfortable.  I fear, however, that I'm going to have to do a little more suffering to make a little more progress.  I want to get as stable as i can before I start the next descent, but I'm too high up on the mountain to even consider jumping at this point.  I've updated my signature to reflect my current level of 11.2mg which is good as it represents a nearly 90% drop from my starting dose of 100mg, but is still at well above the occupancy level where getting off is a consideration.  I am going to ponder this a bit more but likely start reducing again soon, albeit slowly.  I have not seen anything to lead me to believe I'm close to achieving any kind of stabilization at an improved level, and I simply can't wait forever without improving.

 

31 minutes ago, Sertramean said:

Another way of looking at your withdrawal (as you alluded to) is that you are suffering all the symptoms now as you taper and that once off the drugs these could very quickly resolve themselves. Maybe your struggle will be the getting off of them, rather than the horror that can come after the achievement. For comparison I found it easy to come off them. Even the first 3 months off were ok (even a bit hyper and enjoyable) I just hadn't factored in the time-delay 😦It's not like I didn't know what was coming either, I'd tried to get off Seroxat/Paxil a gazillion times and always ended up covered to the elbows in **** creek 😨. It's just very hard to judge and difficult to second-guess.  I treated it like a nervous breakdown in the end, safe in the knowledge that millions had been through it since the dawn of time and recovered. 

 

This is very good, Sert.  I often think/hope that is the case and that once I'm off there will be some suffering but it will be largely like it is now rather than a significant uptick.  I will also continue to hope that I will see improvements along the highway as I drop.

 

33 minutes ago, Sertramean said:

Anyway, you'll get there. All this will be a distant memory one day. 

 

Thanks for the encouragement.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[apace41]

3 minutes ago, Martina23 said:

Andy, I really do think you are healing in the time you taper your meds. However, so long you take the drug in any amount it is changing your brain chemistry as a side effect. Therefore you can not see now how much you really healed. So how much you really healed, you find once off the drug.

 

This all anxiety, DR ... etc can be also only side effect of the drug not necessarily your body.

 

Thanks, Martina.  You are correct, of course.  It is so hard to know what is happening as it is all hidden under a veil of uncertainty.  Nobody can take a measurement and say, "you are 63.47% healed and you will be fully healed in 9.6 months."  Now THAT would be great.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Sertramean]

45 minutes ago, apace41 said:

ne of the things about this site is how members go from "another guy suffering withdrawal" to "esteemed person on the other side" once they have healed.  It's truly an exalted status as if you now hold all the answers to all the questions.  LOL. 

 

Haha, if I ever stray into the realms of sanctimonious shitehawk you can feel free to slap me down.😇 😃 

 

The mighty Blackburn Rovers are on TV tomorrow evening (not sure if you get all the SKY coverage over that side of the pond?) playing the less mighty Aston Villa. I'll be there. I may even streak if you promise to watch. I'll magic marker 'surviving antidepressants' on my arse so you know it's me 🤣 it'll be more entertaining than watching Jose's rabble!

[apace41]

5 minutes ago, Sertramean said:

Haha, if I ever stray into the realms of sanctimonious shitehawk you can feel free to slap me down.😇 😃 

 

I think you can rest comfortably that I would quite quickly take care of that, Sert.  

 

6 minutes ago, Sertramean said:

The mighty Blackburn Rovers are on TV tomorrow evening (not sure if you get all the SKY coverage over that side of the pond?) playing the less mighty Aston Villa. I'll be there. I may even streak if you promise to watch. I'll magic marker 'surviving antidepressants' on my arse so you know it's me 🤣 it'll be more entertaining than watching Jose's rabble!

 

I don't believe my Verizon package has SKY but I might find it on a live stream.   Kind of early in the season for your lads to be as dinged up as they are!

 

If you do choose to streak (and that may well affect my willingness to find a live stream), I surmise that Alto can do without that kind of publicity for the site!  I do, however, concur regarding the notion of it being superior to anything involving The Chosen One.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[bubble]

Hello Andy!

 

I've been thinking about you and wondering how you have been so was happy to find an update. And it's a good one! I mean things are not good but it's better than that period of insomnia that you have been struggling with.

 

Must stop by at Sertramean's! Made my day yesterday

[apace41]

4 minutes ago, bubble said:

I've been thinking about you and wondering how you have been so was happy to find an update. And it's a good one! I mean things are not good but it's better than that period of insomnia that you have been struggling with.

 

Thanks, Bubble.  It's a little bit hit or miss to be honest.  I still have the propensity for completely sleepless nights but I'm hoping they are fewer and farther between.  Really trying to avoid the 48 and 72 hour runs -- wreaks havoc on the old CNS.

 

5 minutes ago, bubble said:

Must stop by at Sertramean's! Made my day yesterday

 

Yes.  Good to see a good guy doing so well.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Shep]

20 hours ago, apace41 said:

I've updated my signature to reflect my current level of 11.2mg which is good as it represents a nearly 90% drop from my starting dose of 100mg, but is still at well above the occupancy level where getting off is a consideration.  I am going to ponder this a bit more but likely start reducing again soon, albeit slowly.  I have not seen anything to lead me to believe I'm close to achieving any kind of stabilization at an improved level, and I simply can't wait forever without improving.

 

Andy, thanks for your well thought-out update as to where you're at and where you're going. The above quote sounds very reasonable and wise. You already know the lay of the land and getting off this last 10% is likely to be a bit more of the same. It may feel worse, but after reading your update and responses to fellow mods and members, it really sounds like a lot of what you're dealing with is good ol' fashioned battle fatigue. If that is indeed the case, sometimes holding can cause more problems than making a micro-taper reduction and moving it along.  And as you and Martina were discussing, you may be someone who doesn't see healing until you are off the drug completely. 

 

But remember - not only are you nearly 90% off the AD, you are also 100% off a benzo, so you really have come a long way and accomplished a lot, all while being able to juggle a number of balls related to career and family. And likely, you're still carrying some of the baggage from your benzo withdrawal journey.  Hopefully, you'll see some healing from that, as well. 

 

It's possible there's a "time of reflection" in your future, so keep up the great non-drug coping skills so when you are dealing less with the day-to-day trials of withdrawal, your mindset will be in a good place. It's very clear how far you've come with your acceptance training and learning mindfulness and ways of breathing and floating through symptoms. 

 

My hope is you'll walk the final stretch off the AD and then gracefully move into the healing phase, a bit traumatized by the experience, but much wiser from all you've learned from your teacher symptoms. This is the hero's journey. 

[apace41]

45 minutes ago, Shep said:

Andy, thanks for your well thought-out update as to where you're at and where you're going. The above quote sounds very reasonable and wise. You already know the lay of the land and getting off this last 10% is likely to be a bit more of the same. It may feel worse, but after reading your update and responses to fellow mods and members, it really sounds like a lot of what you're dealing with is good ol' fashioned battle fatigue. If that is indeed the case, sometimes holding can cause more problems than making a micro-taper reduction and moving it along.  And as you and Martina were discussing, you may be someone who doesn't see healing until you are off the drug completely. 

 

But remember - not only are you nearly 90% off the AD, you are also 100% off a benzo, so you really have come a long way and accomplished a lot, all while being able to juggle a number of balls related to career and family. And likely, you're still carrying some of the baggage from your benzo withdrawal journey.  Hopefully, you'll see some healing from that, as well. 

 

It's possible there's a "time of reflection" in your future, so keep up the great non-drug coping skills so when you are dealing less with the day-to-day trials of withdrawal, your mindset will be in a good place. It's very clear how far you've come with your acceptance training and learning mindfulness and ways of breathing and floating through symptoms. 

 

My hope is you'll walk the final stretch off the AD and then gracefully move into the healing phase, a bit traumatized by the experience, but much wiser from all you've learned from your teacher symptoms. This is the hero's journey. 

 

Thanks as always, Shep, for all the wisdom you impart on these boards.

 

I can only hope you are correct.

 

I hope you are doing well and have a nice weekend.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[manymoretodays]

Just a yay apace41, Andy!

Thanks for the update.  Well said, of course!

 

Best,

L,P, H, and G,

mmt

[apace41]

Thanks MMT.  It doesn't feel so "yay" but if it sounds "yay" I guess that's a good thing.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[manymoretodays]

I know, oh boy do I know........it's your use of the written language that's a yay!  And the scholarly way of looking at it all.

Fear IS a tough one as are decisions. 

On 9/14/2018 at 10:11 AM, Martina23 said:

body pain -- in addition to the pains in the preceding bullet, my hips are horribly painful and restricted (some of it is arthritis but the physical therapists have said the pain is disproportionate to the damage), pains in my arms, legs, teeth, etc.  Pretty much any part of me can hurt from time to time.  If I went to a doctor they'd say "Fibromyalgia" andload me up with Lyrica!

I don't know what it is exactly with the body pain.......I mean in way of explanation.  I get some weird stuff in the hip joint area........thankfully, it's resolved for me pretty quickly, with just gentle exercise.  I actually had teeth pain too recently.......unrelated to the root canal I had done.

 

Oh......best Andy........I don't know how you do it.......the schedule that you keep!  Rooting for you!!!

L,P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited September 17, 2018 by manymoretodays

[apace41]

15 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

it's your use of the written language that's a yay!  And the scholarly way of looking at it all.

 

Thanks, MMT.  Unfortunately, I'm coming to the conclusion that from a mind/body perspective my overly analytical way of addressing things may hinder my ability to learn to accept, let go and cede control.  The constant battle to understand and find evidence for everything -- even the unknowable -- wears you down after a while.  It's an area of work for me.

 

16 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

I get some weird stuff in the hip joint area........thankfully, it's resolved for me pretty quickly, with just gentle exercise.  I actually had teeth pain too recently.......unrelated to the root canal I had done.

 

That's good that you are able to control the pain.  I have spent time trying to understand the brain in pain (there's that overanalysis again) and why we have pain that does not correlate to tissue damage.  It's an area of great interest in the scientific community these days and I suspect that the "damage" from the meds is a contributor -- hence my unwillingness to consider any kind of procedure -- hip replacement, etc. -- at this stage.  I've had pain in my teeth as well -- no rhyme or reason that I'm aware of but could be subconscious grinding or gritting -- hard to say.

 

19 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Oh......best Andy........I don't know how you do it.......the schedule that you keep!  Rooting for you!!!

 

Thanks so much, MMT.  I'm rooting for you as well.  I've come to the conclusion, as my friend Shep has advised, that I will heal despite the schedule, but that it would be illogical to think that keeping up this schedule won't slow healing.  

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

[SkyBlue]

4 hours ago, apace41 said:

Unfortunately, I'm coming to the conclusion that from a mind/body perspective my overly analytical way of addressing things may hinder my ability to learn to accept, let go and cede control.

 

Hmm. Well, there's something in the way of a "fighter's spirit" in the way you're approaching things.

I'm all for accepting (I personally use the term "acknowledging" because "accepting" still seems like "welcoming" to me), but I also think it's important to do all we can *before* accepting and letting go.

That said, I'm much closer to the "control" versus "ceding control" side of things. : D

[manymoretodays]

23 hours ago, apace41 said:

Thanks, MMT.  Unfortunately, I'm coming to the conclusion that from a mind/body perspective my overly analytical way of addressing things may hinder my ability to learn to accept, let go and cede control.  The constant battle to understand and find evidence for everything -- even the unknowable -- wears you down after a while.  It's an area of work for me. 

 

 

23 hours ago, apace41 said:

Thanks so much, MMT.  I'm rooting for you as well.  I've come to the conclusion, as my friend Shep has advised, that I will heal despite the schedule, but that it would be illogical to think that keeping up this schedule won't slow healing.   

 

Oh hey......here's some emo mind, if you want it!!!!  And yes......it IS work to stay balanced and somewhere in the middle.

 

I've got to do some further analysis of the second quote..........it's that a double negative statement........I need to do some further study of it.  Out loud laugh.  It's a gift though Andy......that you have.......IMO........the analytical/critical thought.

 

Best,

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[apace41]

18 hours ago, SkyBlue said:

Hmm. Well, there's something in the way of a "fighter's spirit" in the way you're approaching things.

 

Well, I'll take that as a compliment, SB.

 

18 hours ago, SkyBlue said:

I'm all for accepting (I personally use the term "acknowledging" because "accepting" still seems like "welcoming" to me), but I also think it's important to do all we can *before* accepting and letting go.

 

At the end of the day I think what you are saying is what I'm trying to remind myself, i.e., that it's all about the serenity prayer.  It seems that "the wisdom to know the difference" is really where the art form lies.

 

18 hours ago, SkyBlue said:

That said, I'm much closer to the "control" versus "ceding control" side of things.

 

And, hence the reason you admire my "fighter's spirit" -- I remind you of you!  LOL.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[apace41]

11 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

I've got to do some further analysis of the second quote..........it's that a double negative statement........I need to do some further study of it.  Out loud laugh.  It's a gift though Andy......that you have.......IMO........the analytical/critical thought.

 

It's a lawyer thing -- write long eloquent multiple negatives so you sound smart and nobody really is sure what you said!

 

Thank you for the "analytical/critical thought" compliment.  Sometimes I'm just plain critical.  

 

Best,

 

Andy

[elbee]

On 9/17/2018 at 1:08 PM, apace41 said:

Thanks, MMT.  Unfortunately, I'm coming to the conclusion that from a mind/body perspective my overly analytical way of addressing things may hinder my ability to learn to accept, let go and cede control.  The constant battle to understand and find evidence for everything -- even the unknowable -- wears you down after a while.  It's an area of work for me.

 

I've got this too Andy and I'm working with it also. This "thought / analytical dominated" way of being has come with many benefits to me throughout my life. I know I was encouraged to "stay in my head" and found "benefit" from living this way starting very early on. But I'm finding it has also come at great costs. I'm shifting towards living from "below my head" much more . . . and "inside out" more than outside "outside in" (if that makes any sense to you). Very tough stuff.

[apace41]

2 hours ago, elbee said:

I've got this too Andy and I'm working with it also. This "thought / analytical dominated" way of being has come with many benefits to me throughout my life. I know I was encouraged to "stay in my head" and found "benefit" from living this way starting very early on. But I'm finding it has also come at great costs. I'm shifting towards living from "below my head" much more . . . and "inside out" more than outside "outside in" (if that makes any sense to you). Very tough stuff.

 

It makes perfect sense to me, Elbee, and, in fact, uses a lot of the same (or similar) terminology as that which I use.  I have frequently stated it that I'm trying to move my center of processing from my brain to my heart.  It falls into the category of seeking "coherence" and if you look into Heartmath or heart rate variability training in general you will immediately see the benefits that flow from that shift.  In a related way, at least for me, all of this goes to the notion of "finding faith" and learning to accept that there are things that are easier to address if you have belief in some higher power/God/divine/universe, etc.

 

If you've lived your life pretty much without that (for the most part that's me) it is as you said:

 

2 hours ago, elbee said:

Very tough stuff

 

Because it requires a very significant paradigm shift.  

 

I am a work in progress in this regard but am starting to understand how I can be more complete on "the other side" once I (hopefully) get there.

 

Best,

 

Andy 

[Gridley]

Well put, Andy.  What I say to myself whenever attacked by thoughts about unpleasant present conditions or past regretted actions causing unpleasant present conditions, is:

 

What is, is. (pretty indisputable)

&

Make the best of it.  (So I plunk down with the passive acceptance crowd)

 

It's working for me pretty well.

 

 

[Shep]

3 hours ago, apace41 said:

I have frequently stated it that I'm trying to move my center of processing from my brain to my heart.  It falls into the category of seeking "coherence" and if you look into Heartmath or heart rate variability training in general you will immediately see the benefits that flow from that shift.  In a related way, at least for me, all of this goes to the notion of "finding faith" and learning to accept that there are things that are easier to address if you have belief in some higher power/God/divine/universe, etc.

 

This reminded me of the ending of Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn's talk on the "9 Attitudes": 

 

9 Attitudes Jon Kabat Zinn

 

From about 25 minutes into the video: 

 

In all Asian languages, the word for mind and the word for heart are the same word. So in English, when you hear the word "mindfulness", if you're not hearing the word "heartfulness", you're really not understanding it fully. And so those attitudes are really part of the heartfulness element of it. 

 

Going from brain (or mind) to heart, as you wrote, is moving in the right direction. And your comment on "seeking 'coherence'" reminded me of Dr. Kabat-Zinn's comment that:  The most profound thing you can see is the interconnectedness of all things. As soon as you see that, then emotions like anger, for instance, are very different, or fear for that matter, are really transformed in some way because of our interconnectedness.

 

I think you'll find the coherence you seek once you feel that sense of interconnectedness of all of the mindfulness - wait, heartfulness! - elements that are in play. That video is one of my all time favorites because Dr. Kabat-Zinn explains it so well, much better than I can, LOL. 

 

Sounds like you are definitely on the right path, Andy. It is a powerful "shift". Thanks for sharing your journey. 

[bromor]

Hey Andy...

 

Just a thought I wanted to share (well actually 2 if you want to be technical!!).

1 ~ Acceptance is key...we all know it.  It's hard though.  Hard enough that I still struggle at times with it. The only way out is through....

 

2 ~ I've had some issues with recurring anxiety symptoms & some other physical things.  Had a long overdue consultation with the naturopath I go to... Seems that I have a massive overgrowth of candida.  Which is causing my bad bodyaches/joint pain, increase in anxiety symptoms, bloating/other GI issues.  I did a bit of google research and one of the places that candida joint pain is "enhanced" so to speak is the HIPS! I though of you! Now, I have no idea if this is a possibility.... because we all know how withdrawal works. But, I just know that that I'm feeling better anxiety physical symptom wise now that I'm working on the candida issue. 

 

Anyway, just take this with a huge grain of salt ~ but know that I'm in your corner. You got this & will continue to succeed in this withdrawal path.

 

xo

[apace41]

On 9/18/2018 at 7:44 PM, Gridley said:

It's working for me pretty well.

 

Glad to hear that, Gridley, and good advice.

 

Thanks for your thoughts.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[apace41]

On 9/18/2018 at 7:47 PM, Shep said:

I think you'll find the coherence you seek once you feel that sense of interconnectedness of all of the mindfulness - wait, heartfulness! - elements that are in play. That video is one of my all time favorites because Dr. Kabat-Zinn explains it so well, much better than I can, LOL. 

 

Don't sell yourself short, Shep.  You are rapidly becoming one of the true "zen masters" -- certainly of SA.  

 

One of the things I have done in the past and probably need/want to revisit is HeartMath and seeking to train heart rate variability to positively impact the CNS.  Some of their work is truly exceptional in this regard.  I am also going back for acupuncture with someone who purports to work on the Autonomic Nervous System through the process.  We shall see.

 

On 9/18/2018 at 7:47 PM, Shep said:

Sounds like you are definitely on the right path, Andy. It is a powerful "shift". Thanks for sharing your journey. 

 

I think I'd phrase it that "I have a sense of the right path and I'm stumbling around a little trying to find my footing."

 

I appreciate your input, Shep.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[apace41]

20 hours ago, bromor said:

1 ~ Acceptance is key...we all know it.  It's hard though.  Hard enough that I still struggle at times with it. The only way out is through....

 

Hi, B.  Thanks as always for visiting. 

 

Yes.  This is all true.  Very hard but worthwhile in the end (I hope).

 

20 hours ago, bromor said:

Seems that I have a massive overgrowth of candida.  Which is causing my bad bodyaches/joint pain, increase in anxiety symptoms, bloating/other GI issues.  I did a bit of google research and one of the places that candida joint pain is "enhanced" so to speak is the HIPS! I though of you! Now, I have no idea if this is a possibility.... because we all know how withdrawal works. But, I just know that that I'm feeling better anxiety physical symptom wise now that I'm working on the candida issue.

 

Interesting (and sorry you are dealing with that).  I have had a lot of testing as my functional doc initially was suspicious of candida but (while there were other processes at work) nothing meaningful was found.  I almost don't want to know because I've found that introducing herbs to the process seems to upset my system and bring on a mini-wave.  I think I'm going to hold off on any herbal supplementation until my system has stabilized from the withdrawal to avoid additional problems.

 

Keep doing well, B.  You are an inspiration.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[powerback]

Hi Andy you fall into that category of celebrity for me ,I never could get my head around why  there is a celebrity culture and putting others on pedestal  ,especially Hollywood "movie stars" ,im agassed   I also did this  ,but you my friend fall into this category for  me ,im just amazed at your functionality .

 

It can be hard if your wife doesnt understand it too much ,but as we know its mindboggling even for us .

There will be sometime when you need to take a step back and take a good break and rest and put yourself on this pedestal ,your on it for me already [no pressure lol] and your a moderator .

Im beginning to put myself above anyone else because of what im surviving and this is a very weird feeling ,even uncomfortable but ile have to get used to feeling confident and stop fighting feeling good about myself if im ever going to survive and thrive after withdrawl  . 

I look at magazines in the newsagents with "celebrities" on the front and im amazed at how ridiculous it is to want to zone out ad live vicariously through  these people but I understand why .for me since my withdrawl experience and the people and friends I met on this are actual celebrities .

Keep up your work my friend your simply inspiring . 🙏

 

[apace41]

27 minutes ago, powerback said:

but you my friend fall into this category for  me ,im just amazed at your functionality

 

Can I change my name to Kardashian?

 

2 hours ago, powerback said:

It can be hard if your wife doesnt understand it too much ,but as we know its mindboggling even for us .

 

I agree.  That's why I've tried not to get too down on her for not understanding. It's not reasonable to expect anyone who hasn't been here to truly understand.  I suppose it is reasonable to want a little more "sympathy" if "empathy" can't be had, but I'm not going to trash 30+ years over it.

 

2 hours ago, powerback said:

There will be sometime when you need to take a step back and take a good break and rest

 

Probably true.  As I said, and as Shep has reminded me, not doing so will not derail recovery but it will likely delay it.  It feels like a very fine tightrope to walk.

 

2 hours ago, powerback said:

the people and friends I met on this are actual celebrities .

Keep up your work my friend your simply inspiring .

 

I agree that some of the people I have met here are some of the most compassionate, empathetic and impressive people I know.  Shared challenge brings us all together in a way that is hard to describe to people on the "outside."  I've heard people say once they are through withdrawal that they wouldn't have traded life with withdrawal for life without it because they've grown so much through the experience.  I'm SO NOT there yet -- at this point I would trade it in a HEARTBEAT -- but I'm hoping some day I get there. 

 

Best to you, PB.

 

Andy

 

[Lolita]

Hi Apace!

 

I have been reading a bit of your journey but have trouble reading too much...lol

 

I dont know if you are down to zero and since when you begin all this but from what I was reading, you are truly strong to me! Strong for being able to manage to work and do everything still while going on with this!

Keep posting and hope the healing goes on for you!

Thats inspiring !

[brassmonkey]

" I've heard people say once they are through withdrawal that they wouldn't have traded life with withdrawal for life without it because they've grown so much through the experience.  I'm SO NOT there yet -- at this point I would trade it in a HEARTBEAT -- but I'm hoping some day I get there. "

 

It's a realization that comes after the AHA moment when you know you're home free.  It's coming my friend, it's coming.

[apace41]

17 hours ago, Lolita said:

I have been reading a bit of your journey but have trouble reading too much...lol

 

Thanks, Lolita.  Hopefully, it won't be too long before that symptom lifts for you.

 

17 hours ago, Lolita said:

I dont know if you are down to zero and since when you begin all this

 

If you look at my signature, I'm down from 100mg to 11.2mg over almost 4 years.  I still (unfortunately) have a ways to go.

 

17 hours ago, Lolita said:

you are truly strong to me! Strong for being able to manage to work and do everything still while going on with this!

Keep posting and hope the healing goes on for you!

Thats inspiring !

 

If my story has helped you at all that is a good thing.  It's a very slow process.

 

Good luck to you.

 

Best,

 

 

Andy

 

[apace41]

Tom,

 

13 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

It's a realization that comes after the AHA moment when you know you're home free.  It's coming my friend, it's coming.

 

Thanks for the visit.  It's not coming QUICKLY enough!  LOL.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Lolita]

Have a good day Apace!

 

We surely have to keep going on!

 

Btw, I dont know why but I am not able to see anybodies signature????

[apace41]

1 minute ago, Lolita said:

 I am not able to see anybodies signature????

 

Really?  At the bottom of each post?  Can you see your own? 

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Lolita]

No but I think its because Im on my cell phone !😉

[ButterflyHope]

On 9/21/2018 at 2:49 AM, brassmonkey said:

" I've heard people say once they are through withdrawal that they wouldn't have traded life with withdrawal for life without it because they've grown so much through the experience.  I'm SO NOT there yet -- at this point I would trade it in a HEARTBEAT -- but I'm hoping some day I get there. "

 

It's a realization that comes after the AHA moment when you know you're home free.  It's coming my friend, it's coming.

@brassmonkey- I'm having a difficult evening and grabbed onto the above as a source of hope, is this really true for anybody? At the moment I worry I will forever live in regret and anger and I really don't want to, I want to find meaning and forgiveness and in some way see this as happening for me rather than to me if that makes sense. I would just love to know if there's anybody who found the withdrawal journey gave their life a new meaning.

 

Butterfly x

[apace41]

It's pretty unreal when you really see how sensitive our systems have become to these meds and how tightly "bound" some of us have become to them.  I suppose it's something that should be expected after being on Sertraline (after Prozac) for the better part of 25 years.  Even still, it's both disheartening and scary when you make a 2% cut in the meds and find yourself really feeling it on the 4th day post reduction.  I am trying to get the taper "restarted" and cut two weeks ago and cut again on Saturday -- I'm using a modified BrassMonkey slide (a/k/a spacing out smaller cuts) but don't feel like I can do 10% per cut so I'm going for more like 4-5% for the time being.  I've come a long way but it seems like I've got a very long way to go and I really would love to be off this medication.  I'm hoping to find a pattern related to the cuts so if today (the 4th day) and tomorrow (the 5th day) were the worst and then I improved after that I would be very happy as I can deal with it if there is some predictability.  It's the unknown that is so difficult for me and my symptoms have been all over the place without any meaningful pattern.

 

Anyway, just rambling and complaining.  Nothing to do but keep moving forward.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[wantrelief]

4 minutes ago, apace41 said:

It's the unknown that is so difficult for me

So true....I really understand how difficult this aspect to tapering/withdrawal can be.  I really hope this last cut settles down for you very soon.  

 

6 minutes ago, apace41 said:

I've come a long way but it seems like I've got a very long way to go and I really would love to be off this medication. 

You have come such a long way!!  You will get off of this medication, no doubt.  Hang in there, Andy.  You are such an inspiration!