EverHopeful Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Sorry this is a super long first post, I don't talk about any of this with anyone, ever, but since I can hide behind my anonymity I'll share my journey thus far and hope that it helps someone else out there! Here's the readers digest version of what ultimately lead to me taking antidepressants: I had a traumatic childhood, my father was a pedophile with a bad anger problem (my earliest childhood memories of him are of him threatening to stab my mum with a butchers knife), then I was dragged through court, bullied all through school, had my best friend turn on me and spread viscous rumours and get her boyfriend to threaten my life. My brother then started following in the same footsteps of my father and I have not so lovely memories of him also threatening to stab my mum with a large knife. I got a bad reputation at school as a trouble maker then everyone started hating me, both students and teachers. Going home was traumatic and going to school was alienating. So, surprise, surprise, anxiety, depression and a super high dose of antidepressants! I've been on antidepressants since I was 17 (by the time I was diagnosed and put on them I was falling apart at the seams), 8 years later and I'm still stuck on them. At 17 I was diagnosed with severe major depression and an anxiety disorder. Initially I was prescribed Prozac however that made things much much worse so after another unwelcome stay in an emergency psychiatric ward a different psychiatrist decided to switch me over to Mirtazapine 45mg (I also had pretty bad insomnia so this helped with that along with the depression and anxiety) at the time I was also briefly on Seroquel as a temporary relief from my anxiety as it was so bad that just the smell or thought of food would make me hurl and I'd dropped down to 48kgs (I'm 5'7"! A another inpatient with anorexia after judging everyone for being fat turned to me and told me I wasn't fat, so that's saying something :/. However I had the unfortunate side effect of rapid weight gain after starting Mirtazapine - I put on 15kgs in just a couple of weeks!! The weight gain lead to an eating disorder, but I'm not even going to go there...). Slowly but gradually things began to improve however my anxiety was at a manageable level and I was no longer depressed however I wasn't actually happy, I just felt flat. That's when my new GP (I got transferred to an adult psychiatrist when I turned 18 who was awful so I refused to see her and started seeing a GP that specialised in mental health) decided to up my dose to 60mg. It was around that time that I started pleading with her to let me get off the antidepressants, because I was actually copping abuse from my very unsupportive family for being on them, I couldn't deal with their remarks about how all I need to do was pray more and got would cure me. Since then I've made numerous attempts to decrease my dose, more unsuccessful in the past than successful. I toughed it out a year and a half ago and dropped from 60mg down to 45 mg. I then tried to drop down again twice after that but the withdrawals were too bad (and life at the time wasn't great - I broke up with my boyfriend who I'd been with for 4 years) so had to go back up. I then managed to drop it down from 45mg to 30mg about 6 months ago by alternating between the two doses every day, however I felt this prolonged the withdrawals so after a few weeks I exclusively took 30mg. Each time I decrease I get sick (like a bad cold that hangs around), I get anxious, angry, feel like crap, feel disconnected, tired, have no energy, can't sleep (waking up after only a few hours of sleep and not being able to get back to sleep). I have my final uni exam for the semester in a couple of days and I'm planning on decreasing down to 15mg, a quarter of my original dose. FYI - I barely graduated high school because my anxiety and depression was so debilitating and I missed a lot of class due to hospital admissions. Life's never been easy for me but I managed to come through the other end, I'm now a completely independent dentistry student and doing really well (I never saw that coming!!!!!). My journey has shaped me into the person that I am today so as much as I'd like to bottle my past up and put it behind me I at least have it to thanks for my drive, passion, hope, dreams and desire to help others. <3 8 years on antidepressants. Initially Prozac then Mirtazapine 45mg that was then upped to 60mg. I was briefly on Seroquel. After numerous attempt to reduce my dose and many bad withdrawal days I cut my dose in half down to 30mg. Planning on jumping down to 15mg very soon! I know that's probably too drastic but I can only reduce my dose in the uni holidays (I don't want withdrawals interfering with my studies and I don't want to prolong the process any longer than I have to), so I'll just tough it out again and hope for the best <3 Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted June 20, 2015 Moderator Share Posted June 20, 2015 Hi EverHopeful-- I'm so glad you have found us. That is quite a background, but it looks like you are turning it around nicely. However, please don't follow the plan you have for making such large drops in your dose. Mirtazapine is very sensitive to big drops and you have seen how unpleasant things can get. Using the 10% reduction method is really the best way to go. It will ease you off the drug with minimum symptoms and allow you to maintain your studies at the same time. I know of several others who have entered and completed med school while tapering this way, also engineering school and other mentally intensive courses of study. You owe it to your self to take charge and do it right. This link will help explain about the process: Why taper by 10% of my dosage? Also there should be a thread on tapering Mirtaz in the tapering forum, a quick search will find it. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
nz11 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Welcome Everhopeful Here is the link Brass mentions http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5301-tips-for-tapering-off-remeron-mirtazapine/ Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing. http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01651 Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos. Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you Recovering paxil addict None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped." Dr Mosher. Me too! Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015 I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015 Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017 Link to comment
Theon Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Hello EverHopeful. I am sorry to hear about your traumatic childhood. I think it's very common that people with traumatic childhoods end up medicated and then when they eventually want to get off the drugs it's not that easy. You will have to take care reducing your dose from now on because a drop at a lower dose is much more difficult than another drop of the same quantity as the previous one but at a higher dose. So from 60 to 45 is easier than from 30 to 15. You have been very unlucky with the childhood that you had and I hope that life will give wonderful things to you in the future. About me ------------------------ College student with a history of anxiety, excessive worrying and health anxiety. April 2014 - May 2015---------- Prozac 20mg On and Off. Second time on it I developed apathy, changes in personality, asexuality. May 2015 - July 2015----------------- Tappering off prozac. Still no feelings,anhedonia, apathy, no libido, asexuality. Current symptoms-------- pssd (asexuality in my case). Anxiety and depression developed some months afer stopping prozac, could have been caused by obsessing and beating myself up too much when I found myself unable to like girls again. The best thing to do with pssd (which in my case is asexuality) is accept it and move on. Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted June 20, 2015 Administrator Share Posted June 20, 2015 Welcome, EverHopeful. Here is our mirtazapine tapering topic Tips for tapering off Remeron (mirtazapine) You've been on 30mg for about 6 months? In regard to the withdrawal symptoms, how are you feeling now? Are you living with your family? This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
EverHopeful Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 Thanks for the advice. Yes I did read all that info about how to decrease, however unfortunately I won't be able to go to my doctor to get the scripts for a 10% decrease as he's very unsupportive and would prefer me to change over to another medication rather than get off it (not sure why, that's super counterproductive?!). So I'm going to have to stick it out and continue with my 15mg dose decreases, worst case scenario I'll just have to up my dose back to where it was. Last time I did a decrease was actually this time last year. No I don't live with my family, I moved interstate for university so I live in a share house nearby. I don't think any of my housemates will be home when I decrease (it was the same as last year), that works best for me as if I'm having trouble sleeping (from experience I definitely will) I won't have to worry about being kept awake/woken by their noise and there's no one around for me to get angry at (I get a bit snappy when I'm decreasing haha). I'm 100% fine now, I don't think the withdrawal symptoms lasted more than a month last time? I can't really remember, I was alternating between doses as someone recommended I do that however I think that just prolonged the withdrawals. Once I stuck with the just the lower dose I was back to normal within a week or two. I'm not going to be able to do it straight after my last exam as I'd planned as I have a cheerleading competition next weekend and I don't want to be having withdrawals during that so I'll have to wait another week, but I'll keep you updated about withdrawal symptoms when I do cut down again. Also, I need to get off this medication asap as I just realised I have some pretty significant side effects. Not sure how I wasn't aware how sensitive I am to the Mirtazapine after the initial side effect of rapid weight gain. None of my doctors ever told me what the side effects were and I only just looked into it very recently. That's another reason for my more aggressive decrease approach. 8 years on antidepressants. Initially Prozac then Mirtazapine 45mg that was then upped to 60mg. I was briefly on Seroquel. After numerous attempt to reduce my dose and many bad withdrawal days I cut my dose in half down to 30mg. Planning on jumping down to 15mg very soon! I know that's probably too drastic but I can only reduce my dose in the uni holidays (I don't want withdrawals interfering with my studies and I don't want to prolong the process any longer than I have to), so I'll just tough it out again and hope for the best <3 Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted June 21, 2015 Moderator Share Posted June 21, 2015 It's not necessary to get prescriptions for the 10% drops unless you want to use a compounding pharmacy. My doctor still thinks I am taking 40mg of paxil a day. He was very ill informed, uncooperative and down right rude about my tapering off. So I used him as a supplier only. Many of us manage our tapers by making up our own doses using jewelers scales and gel caps. Some of us make our own liquid. It is a little tedious at first but once you get the hang of it, it's almost fun. And the results are much preferable to making big cuts. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted June 21, 2015 Administrator Share Posted June 21, 2015 Read Tips for tapering off Remeron (mirtazapine) , you can make your own liquid. We have several people here doing this, with good results. You can taper more gradually and not have to endure the sleep disruption. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
tgirl Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Hey Ever, Just checking in to see how your doing? Tgirl April 2014 remeron 45mg. June 2014 abilify 2.5 remeron wasn't working so abilify was then added September 2014 woke up with anxiety x 100!!!! Pdoc then took me from 45 to 7.5 within a month and took abilify from 2.5 to 0 Currently Remeron 7.5 Vitamin d 5,000 iu taking for about 3 years October 2014 added fish oil/omega 3 1000 mg per day Levothyroxitine 100 10 years or so Dec 2014 started tapering 10% every 10 days-no problems. August 2015 down to 0.1 mg Woke up with severe anxiety-sleep issues-racing thoughts-depression. 9/9/15 up dose 1 mg. Link to comment
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