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Janitor: castrated (and more...)


janitor

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August 2014 I went to hospital to get help for my hellish anxiety. I stayed there for three weeks since living in home with the fear was impossible. They put me on 10mg Zyprexa based on the assessment that my anxiety was due to pre- psychosis. When I got home, the anxiety was gone almost completely, and so was my libido.

 

1 month later I reduced zyprexa to 5mg. I had a great deal of thinking problem. I could not watch movies and understand them. My short term memory was not working at all. Reading a book was impossible. I discussed with my doctor about these symptoms and he insisted that I would go on with my medication.

 

I did not like what the med was doing to me, so once more, after a month or so, I reduced my pill to 3mg a day. This went on for 5 months. My thinking got a little bit better. During that time, my libido was very low. I could get erection only by rubbing my penis, I had no interest actually in the opposite sex like I used to. What was even more alarming, was that i could not get satisfaction from anything. I used to do a lot of sports and workout, and i loved the euphoric feeling after a good workout. With zyprexa all i felt during and after sports was tiredness and weakness, there was nothing rewarding.

 

So, the months went on, and i got more and more depressed. I dont know if depression is the right word because it actually was not even depression, it was nothing, it was emptiness, i was a moving doll. I did not talk to people anymore, there was nothing behind my eyes that was worth saying. I isolated to my apartment and there was a period of two months that i didnt see people at all except at grocery store. I was in really bad shape, every ten minutes i thought about how to kill myself, and three times i made the decision to commit a suicide but when the time came i hesitated. Every night i took the pill because i was used to do so. I was in so bad situation that i could not actually question my own health and benefit. The pill had taken over me. The doctor and therapist both were aware of my situation but the docs opinion was to carry on with the drug.

 

After 7 months of zyprexa medication my doctor changed the pill To Risperdal 1 mg to try out if that works for my libido. I took the pill 0.5 mg for three weeks. I cannot surely say what is true and what is not, since those times were so foggy. But through that fog i think i could see my libido disappear completely. I stopped the medication immediately.

 

And now for the recovery story.

 

It is 2,5 months since i stopped taking medication. First month went with constant suicidal thinking and anxiety, and in times i felt like i was on overdrive. Since then i have reduced suicidal thinking a great deal, and my mind seems to have calmed down a bit. More importantly i have started talking to people again and have had some nice short conversations. A few times i have had sports and felt again that euphoria that was missing almost a year, but that doesnt hit me every time. But for that part there are still bad times that last from days to a week. It is like my mind is slipping back to that f---ing numbness from time to time.

 

During the last 1,5 months i have developed some sort of insomnia. I sleep 2-5 hours a night, and the sleeping quality is horrible. During the morning i have a hangover from bad sleep.

 

I have had a strange suffocation-feeling four times when i am falling to sleep, never have had that one before. It feels like vomiting or swallowing the tongue. It lasts maybe a second but scares the **** out of me when almost sleeping.

 

When i sit or lay down relaxed, like the other day at the beach, my body starts suddenly sway back and worth rapidly like there was some sort of wave going through, it also lasts about a second or less. It happened also to my right leg alone.

 

Most of the time my libido is absolutely 0. My testicles are aching, and when i squeeze them, there is not much feeling left. My penis is shrinked, cold and numb. I cannot get any kind of weak erection even by rubbing. One time i rubbed an ejaculation with the soft penis and the sperm was dry and sticky white stuff. Is it a good thing that i laugh while i am writing this?

 

There are short times of few days when my libido seems to rize a bit, just a bit, nothing like it used to be. I can get some sort of hard erection and i can find women attractive to some degree. One thing i have noticed is that those times when i masturbate the sperm is exactly the opposite, it is wet and bright, no any white in it. One time i managed to have sex during those "horny" days, and what a disappointment! My d*ck rose promising, it was not a full erection but hard enough for sex. The sex was nothing like it used to be. No "shivers" at all. Weak orgasm came way too early after few seconds. I am laughing even more now.

 

During the last few weeks my urination need rises tremendously and i have to drink more water. This lasts few days and then it goes away. There has now been two such periods. It is alarming because Zyprexa can cause Diapetes. Even worrying is the fact that i have a big uncomfortable need to eat quickly something and it seems to happen same time with the urination period. I have always been athletic and i am still athletic after the zyprexa treatment, allthough maybe centimeter of fat have appeared to cover my abs, and now i am at the fattest of my entire life.

 

So it seems that my mind has started to recover from the ugly poison that i took. I have read this forum and i am very sad to hear that there are people who have to suffer that horrible numbness without any feeling, month after month. My sympathy is with you. Hang in there buddies, I am sure that after time you will get your reward and it feels so Good. It is worth waiting, and it will happen. The other side looks very beautiful, and is waiting for you.

 

i will never take continuous neuroleptic treatment again, never. If my anxiety returns,i will only take antipsychotics until the anxiety is gone. If i become so mentally ill that i cannot survive without neuroleptics, i will kill myself without a question. Some people like their lives with antipsychotics, and i am happy for them. People are different, my dose was very low and i found my life completely destroyed by Zyprexa and Risperdal. For me, they are poison.

 

Libido is bothering me. On difficult days i start thinking suicide, but then there comes a little bit better one. My mood changes very much along with my libido. I have accepted that it is quite possible that i will never get my libido back completely. It is a very sad thing. But after experiencing that Zyprexa-8-month-walking-coma-living-dead, there is something in this world that you want to look at, even if you are chemically castrated by med experts and drug companies.

Zyprexa         10-3 mg                             7  months

Risperdal       0,5 mg                                1 month

 

No meds since                                        June           2015

Leaking nipples                                        August       2015

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  • Administrator

Welcome, Janitor.
 
Well, that is an attention-getting title! It sounds to me like you are recovering from the adverse effects of and withdrawal from both drugs.

 

How are you sleeping now?
 
The condition you're talking about is called Post-SSRI sexual dysfunction (PSSD)

 

also read
 
What is withdrawal syndrome?
 
The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

SSRI-induced sexual dysfunction

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Thank you Altostrata. Im sleeping the same, 2-5 hours, not much improvement. Thanks very much for the links, Ive read a lot about sexual dysfunction since i stopped the medication. This wave and window thing is really interesting and explains a lot Ive been through the past month.

 

I hope I will get better. Today is a bad day.

Zyprexa         10-3 mg                             7  months

Risperdal       0,5 mg                                1 month

 

No meds since                                        June           2015

Leaking nipples                                        August       2015

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Janitor , welcome to the site.    You will continue to improve over the next 6 months or longer.  

Changes may come quickly or slowly , so be gentle with yourself.   Try not to get stressed over any particular difficulties you're having at the

moment . . . you'll go through different phases on the way to recovery.

 

Good to have you on board ,  Fresh

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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So today i got my first leaking nipple. Risperdal can cause prolactin levels to raise and in some casesit  is sustained after stopping the medication. Prolactin is the hormone that pregnant women get so that they get their large breasts full of milk. Ive been watching my breasts with fear lately and today the nipple was actually wet. It is hard to see but i can tell that my nipples have actually grown in size if i feel them with my hand. god help me. this is an absolute nightmare.

 

Why is it that the doctor never spoke anything about the side effects that these horrible drugs have? Why didnt I ask anything about them?

 

Thank you Fresh for your words, it helps me a lot.

Zyprexa         10-3 mg                             7  months

Risperdal       0,5 mg                                1 month

 

No meds since                                        June           2015

Leaking nipples                                        August       2015

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  • Moderator

Hey Janitor, welcome!

 

I became angry when I heard you use the phrase:

 

 

pre- psychosis

 

WHAT?  as if they can now predict "conditions likely for psychosis to appear?  Heck, they don't even really know what psychosis is, just that it's not "socially acceptable," and has to be "suppressed."

 

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

 

What you describe about sexual symptoms is very, very typical.  I'm glad that you are getting some remission of those symptoms.  Please be patient, sex is complicated, it involves the brain and the hormones and all kinds of complex things - you may experience some weird stuff before it all settles down.

 

Like:

 

 

So today i got my first leaking nipple. Risperdal can cause prolactin levels to raise and in some casesit  is sustained after stopping the medication. 

 

Yep.  Major lawsuit in the USA for young boys growing breasts on Risperdal.   

 

That said, ALL psych drugs mess with the hormonal system, extensively.  Some of us just "get away with it" more than others.  

 

The level of psych drugs in the waters of the USA is causing frogs to change sex.  Now, I'm not suggesting that you are changing sex - reptiles and amphibians are more fluid than humans in that regard.  I'm just saying that what you are experiencing is probably normal, for withdrawal.  As if anything in withdrawal is normal!

 

I feel that I should offer you a chestnut to think about, which may help you, so I choose this one:  

http://www.wingofmadness.com/what-to-do-on-and-off-the-web-while-youre-waiting-for-your-17

 

Since withdrawal is a waiting game, here is a list of distractions to help you wait. 

 

Welcome to SA!  I hope you see the sun today!

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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Thank you guys for the support!

 

Now its been many days with the penis numb like a piece of cold leather hanging between my legs. Nipples have settled down a bit and no leaking during the last days. It is summertime here and walking in the town brings a tear to my eye.

 

I am thinking very seriously about killing myself. I just realized that it has been almost three months without medication, and I have made zero improvement. If this libido disappearance happened without any reason, i would take it and carry on with my life. But the fact that i ate the poison prescribed by a doctor makes the whole situation unbearable and nightmarish. It is difficult to cope with the anger. Before the medication my life was pretty lonely, now it feels like i have nothing to lose anymore. 

 

I don´t think I am strong enough to wait for years to see IF anything happens. I am thirty years old and this should be the best time of my life for that matter. Healing is a slow process and the three months now suggest that my case is a VERY SLOW process, i dont believe in sudden jumps.

 

Next week I will see the doctor. I am not going to show the anger but I have a set of questions and stuff regarding his professional procedures. I want to know exactly if in his opinion there was any possibility of sexual disablement when he put me on the poison. I am going to imply that if suicide happens, it is purely because of the poison I ate, I want to say that on the record. On the other hand suicide would be a great praise for the poison manufacturer: look this guy stopped taking our product and few months later he killed himself!!! Well, my social skills are limited. If you were in my shoes, what would you ask or say to the doctor?

 

Anyways, I will let you know if I decide to kill myself. I read one journal written by a guy with a similar fate, and in the end it is impossible to say what happened to him. He just disappeared. Did he get his libido back and lost his interest in coming to this site and is now spending his time in the porn sites? Or did he become ill? Or did he kill himself? I will not disappear.

Zyprexa         10-3 mg                             7  months

Risperdal       0,5 mg                                1 month

 

No meds since                                        June           2015

Leaking nipples                                        August       2015

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi janitor,

After reading through your posts I think you are going to recover. You were only on these drugs a short time, have been off them just over 2 months and already there are signs of recovery here:

 

 i have reduced suicidal thinking a great deal, and my mind seems to have calmed down a bit. More importantly i have started talking to people again and have had some nice short conversations. A few times i have had sports and felt again that euphoria 

 

There are short times of few days when my libido seems to rize a bit, just a bit,... I can get some sort of hard erection and i can find women attractive to some degree....One time i managed to have sex during those "horny" days..

So it seems that my mind has started to recover from the ugly poison that i took. ... It is worth waiting, and it will happen. ..

 

 

yes, it will happen, in a windows and waves kind of pattern see:

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

I'm glad that you have decided to stay here with us and keep posting about your recovery. The best way to help it along is to focus on the things you CAN do and to enjoy them. Everything will come back in time, you are still young and will have a lot of years ahead of you that you will be able to enjoy. It can sometimes take a while for the nervous system to recover, so be patient.

 

Keep writing about the things which are improving, that way when you have a wave, you can come back here and read what you have written and be reminded that you really are recovering, waves have a way of making us forget all our progress.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Thank you Petunia for your encouraging word. I appreciate it.

 

Now it has been two miraculous days that the libido has been quite the same as it used to be. Everything is working fine, erection, the feelings and all, no complaints, and I am very very very very grateful and happy for that. I am aware that the libido will disappear in the next coming days like it has been for months, but surely these days are giving me hope for better times.

 

However, now I am absolutely sure that i have started to develop breasts. The nipples rise about a centimeter from the muscle when it is soft. One week ago I was not sure if it is just fear that makes them look big, but during the week a lot of breast tissue have emerged under the nipples. This is not imagination, it is real. I found out that if an adult male gets gynecomastia (leaking breasts emerge), the breasts will never decrease, or on very rare occasions they grow smaller. So even if you flatten your prolactin levels to normal and get your testosterone back, you will carry your breasts for the rest of your life. Surgery is the only way out of this. And how much they have grown in one week! I would not care if I got "fatbreasts or maleboobs", but breasts caused by gynecomastia are not quite the same, simply put, they are ugly.

 

It was only in a nightmare that I thought this could happen. I will upload some pics when the boobs have grown to notable measures. I have always liked nice big breasts to put my head to and play the nipples with the tongue, but never did I thought that i would get boobs myself.

 

I try not to stress too much with this issue and i have somewhat succeeded. Luckily autumn is coming and the t-shirt season is over. In the near future I will no longer have to buy coffee-milk, just squeeze my nipple and enjoy the morning papers...

Zyprexa         10-3 mg                             7  months

Risperdal       0,5 mg                                1 month

 

No meds since                                        June           2015

Leaking nipples                                        August       2015

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  • Administrator

Good to hear you're feeling better. Perhaps the breasts will go away.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Hey man, I was also lactating after AD's and it goes away, just avoid touching it, sqeuzing etc. I also try to exercise everyday, weight training helps tighten the skin on your chest, just grab a set of dumbbells and perform some curls, extensions. Also try running for reducing fat tissue and eat some natural estrogen blockers like broccoli or cauliflowers. Also avoid phytoestrogens in food like soy, flax seeds, milk. Two months ago I had set of real boobs and now my chest started looking manly again. Give it some time and you will get back to normal

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Oh my god, the lacting breasts symptom is just ridiculous... I really hope that these freaking poisons are banned in some years, or else I will just go buy a small house in the woods and forger about this freaking corrupt humanity..

About me ------------------------ College student with a history of anxiety, excessive worrying and health anxiety.

April 2014 - May 2015----------    Prozac 20mg On and Off.  Second time on it I developed apathy, changes in personality, asexuality.

May 2015  -   July 2015-----------------  Tappering off prozac. Still no feelings,anhedonia, apathy, no libido, asexuality.

Current symptoms--------  pssd (asexuality in my case). Anxiety and depression developed some months afer stopping prozac, could have been caused by obsessing and beating myself up too much when I found myself unable to like girls again. The best thing to do with pssd (which in my case is asexuality) is accept it and move on.

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It also makes me angry that they said your anxiety was pre-psychosis, What the actual ***????

Every freaking person who suffers from anxiety is paranoid about whatever scares him (their health,dangers,conspiracies,etc) but these ideas are always driven by fear, and it has absolytely NOTHING to do with psychosis

A psychotic person is not scared, he/she loses touch from reality and does not know there is a problem.

 

I know this because i was an anxious person before prozac (before prozac stole my personality) , and i had plenty of paranoias regarding my health (always thinking i was sick) , and more imaginary dangers.

About me ------------------------ College student with a history of anxiety, excessive worrying and health anxiety.

April 2014 - May 2015----------    Prozac 20mg On and Off.  Second time on it I developed apathy, changes in personality, asexuality.

May 2015  -   July 2015-----------------  Tappering off prozac. Still no feelings,anhedonia, apathy, no libido, asexuality.

Current symptoms--------  pssd (asexuality in my case). Anxiety and depression developed some months afer stopping prozac, could have been caused by obsessing and beating myself up too much when I found myself unable to like girls again. The best thing to do with pssd (which in my case is asexuality) is accept it and move on.

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PSSD? Zyprexa isn't a SSRI?

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  • Administrator

Other psychiatric drugs can cause post-discontinuation sexual dysfunction as well.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Insomnia is starting to bother me. I go to sleep at 00.00, then realize that I am awake at 2.30. Then I read about an hour and fall asleep easily (reading works great for me lol). Again I am awake at 4-6.00. This gives me 3-5 hours of sleep.This has been going on for over two months now. After I got insomnia I have had only two nights that I slept straight 7 hours. During zyprexa I slept 12 hours but I think the sleeping quality was bad under zyprexa. Before zyprexa i slept 7-8 hours and never woke up in the middle of the night.

 

I no longer have nicotine or coffee after 6 pm. I cut my daily coffee dose to half. If I drink alcohol, its only one bottle of beer, previously it was 4 bottles average. Also before the night I open the bedroom window to get in some cool fresh air. I bought a good quality down pillow and blanket that feel comfortable.

 

I think I am not feeling tired or anything during the daytime. Is this healthy to sleep these few hours month after month?

 

Checked blood pressure and sugar levels. Blood pressure was a little high and resting heart rate was clearly higher than normally. Blood sugar levels normal thank god.

Zyprexa         10-3 mg                             7  months

Risperdal       0,5 mg                                1 month

 

No meds since                                        June           2015

Leaking nipples                                        August       2015

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  • Administrator

Hang in there, you've had some windows, that's a good sign.

 

You may wish to gradually stop your caffeine intake. Caffeine has a very long half-life; what you drink in the morning could very well be affecting you at night.

 

See Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Hi Janitor.

 

I have so much troubles with sleeping myself due to the same reason as yours. I am using Melatonin in liquid form to help me. It works beautifully. Please run this idea by Altostrada, other admin members, and forum members to see this will be beneficial to you during your healing period before you try it. I just take a very small dose. It takes about 20 minutes to work.

 

What also helps me a lot is praying. Praying brings me some sense of security that leads me to reduce my anxiety and panic attacks. This in turn help me to secure some sleep each night. This does not work every night but this works about 40% of the time. 40% is better than nothing.

Dec 2013 to April 2014: 5.00 mg Valium

Sep 2014: 2.75 mg Valium

Nov 2014: 5.00 mg Valium 300 mg Gabapentin

June 26th, 2015: 0.50 mg Valium. 900 mg Gabapentin

July 14th, 2015: 0.00 mg Valium. 900 mg Gabapentin

July 25th, 2015: 800 mg Gabapentin

July 30th, 2015: 500 mg Gabapentin

August 15th, 2015. 400 mg Gabapentin

August 21st, 2015: 300 mg Gabapentin

August 27th, 2015: 200 mg Gabapentin

Magnesium, Vitamin-B Complex, Calcium, Vitamin D.

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  • Administrator

Read Melatonin for sleep: Many people find it helpful Liquid melatonin is as good as any other.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Yes melatonin is worth consideration however i am very suspicious of any new drugs or substances because of my previous experiences. I can still cope with the insomnia..

 

Libido is once again gone after a couple of weeks of MINOR improvement. Now i am mad and angry. This will take years of repair. Not much to say. All joy gone. Mind stable, dull, and back to nearly numb. Nipples descended a little during the past weeks and they have turned to more dark healthy color. Testicles gained some sensitivity and now i can actually feel the familiar pain when squeezing gently, but now they are aching again. I think I am healing and becoming alive but this is happening so slowly and there is no guarantee of FULL recovery before becoming old. 

 

I think the poison destroyed some reseptors or nerves or whatever cells in my brain. Nobody really knows what all sorts of things these horrible poisons make in our brains. Somewhere i read that rats given zyprexa gained sexual functioning after stopping the poison, but they never got their desire fully back. How sad is that.

 

I had a sports injury which is going to take at least a month, so now i am staring at the monitor from morning to evening.

 

Thank you for this site, it helps. Ten minutes ago i was literally nearly breaking my apartment, some impatience...

Zyprexa         10-3 mg                             7  months

Risperdal       0,5 mg                                1 month

 

No meds since                                        June           2015

Leaking nipples                                        August       2015

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Hi Janitor

We are all so unfortunate to find ourselves in this situation. However, things could have been worse for all of us. I try now to keep my life as simple as possible. This helps with my stress. I feel so sorry for all of us but we have no choice but to endure and move forward so slowly hoping to be better one day. At least you can see the improvements and are feeling better. Take care.

Dec 2013 to April 2014: 5.00 mg Valium

Sep 2014: 2.75 mg Valium

Nov 2014: 5.00 mg Valium 300 mg Gabapentin

June 26th, 2015: 0.50 mg Valium. 900 mg Gabapentin

July 14th, 2015: 0.00 mg Valium. 900 mg Gabapentin

July 25th, 2015: 800 mg Gabapentin

July 30th, 2015: 500 mg Gabapentin

August 15th, 2015. 400 mg Gabapentin

August 21st, 2015: 300 mg Gabapentin

August 27th, 2015: 200 mg Gabapentin

Magnesium, Vitamin-B Complex, Calcium, Vitamin D.

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Well, Janitor. Some corrections to my previous post. Even though the improvements you had experiences are gone now but you can see they can happen, did happen, and will happen again. Everyone who has been through this madness talks about the Windows. I guess you had Window and will have them again based on conventional wisdom. Take care.

Dec 2013 to April 2014: 5.00 mg Valium

Sep 2014: 2.75 mg Valium

Nov 2014: 5.00 mg Valium 300 mg Gabapentin

June 26th, 2015: 0.50 mg Valium. 900 mg Gabapentin

July 14th, 2015: 0.00 mg Valium. 900 mg Gabapentin

July 25th, 2015: 800 mg Gabapentin

July 30th, 2015: 500 mg Gabapentin

August 15th, 2015. 400 mg Gabapentin

August 21st, 2015: 300 mg Gabapentin

August 27th, 2015: 200 mg Gabapentin

Magnesium, Vitamin-B Complex, Calcium, Vitamin D.

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hi janitor.

 

 

my experience is just like yours.  libido is gone.  arousal is gone.  i have been clear 7 months.  still waiting

March 5, 6  2015 1 10mg Paxil each day - only 2 pills total - experienced huge tingle in my head on first pill

 

numbness in my hands and feet, skin less sensitive over all... not ticklish anymore

**anhedonia, blank emotions

PSSD, anorgasmia

heartbeat rhythm problems

"To err is human.  To really foul things up requires a psychiatrist."

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8554-akakoom-lost-in-no-mans-land/

 

"When you are going through hell, keep going" - Winston Churchill (the only way out is through)

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Thank you for the spport.

 

I am done. I will wait one month. This is not the life I want.

Zyprexa         10-3 mg                             7  months

Risperdal       0,5 mg                                1 month

 

No meds since                                        June           2015

Leaking nipples                                        August       2015

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Hi Janitor.

 

I just joined this site and got to know a little about your from your posts. I think the changes you're going through in your body sound really difficult. I'm only a few years older than you (I'm 40), but I would like to share with you something I do when times are tough. 

 

I imagine that there is time travel. 

I imagine that an older, wiser version of me has come back in time and tells me that everything I am doing now is just right, and to keep trying, and that things will work out much better than I can even dream.

 

This has gotten me through some very hard times. It calms me to think of a future self who knows exactly what I'm going through and sees that I have survived and made a good life for myself. 

 

Peace to you,

Rose Tea

~ * ~  Rose Tea ~ * ~

 

Medication History for PTSD:

 

Unknown mg Celexa,1999-2000, Tapered off, started back on after 2 months 
Unknown mg Celexa/Lexapro, 2000-2003, Tapered off, started back on after 6 months due to severe PTSD symptoms 
20 mg Lexapro, 2003- 2006, Tapered off, started back on 8 months due to insomnia/anxiety, took Lunesta & Adovan for a time as well.
 
10 mg Lexapro, 2006 - 2015
7.5 mg Lexapro,  July 17 - August 13, 2015
5.0 mg Lexapro, August 14, 2014 - Present
 
 
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You don't have PSSD, you have PAPSD (Post Antipsychotic Sexual Dysfunction). I wish I had papsd instead of pssd, because from the stories I read, I have not heard of people who suffer from papsd for more than a couple of years. Caliman recovered after 2.5 years. Another took a year. The fact that you regained your libido for a few days is promising. I have not regained my libido, not even for a while, since quitting 10 months ago. Besides, you should get your hormones checked, your sexual dysfunction could be caused by hyperprolactinemia/pituitary tumor, and that can be fixed. I heard DAs work on papsd pretty good, better that on pssd. You have a good prognosis, I think. The fact that there is no scientific research on PAPSD, like there is on PSSD, also suggests it is not permanent.

2014-11-10 after worrying about a stroke, encouraged by mom, went to psychiatrist, put on Risperidone 3 mg, Escitalopram 10 mg and Parkopan 2 mg. Later inpatient.

~2014-12-15 ct all.

Periferal neuropathy lasted ~6 months, tardive dystonia nearly gone.

Most troubling symptom is severe PSSD, it persists.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Your support has helped me a lot.... tanks! I really saw the light after reading your posts few days ago.

 

I have had two poor weeks, but now things turned even worse. Other nipple started leaking again two days ago and today penis turned to the worst after quitting the meds. Penis has been quite numb for two weeks but now it is number than ever. It is really light, cold, and there is not much feeling at all. It has not been like this, only one poor day before as i remember.

 

This is a big wave or maybe I am not healing at all. Im starting to think that the trend is going downhill. Amazingly Im not so suicidal right now like I was in previous post. I was really hoping that this month it was getting better.

 

I cannot stop counting and estimating how long it will take to recover. Now i think 2-5 years. Yesterday I thought a year. Three weeks ago it was a couple of months... lol

 

Edit. And few weeks ago testosterone and prolactin levels were tested. They were normal back then.

Zyprexa         10-3 mg                             7  months

Risperdal       0,5 mg                                1 month

 

No meds since                                        June           2015

Leaking nipples                                        August       2015

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Your support has helped me a lot.... tanks! I really saw the light after reading your posts few days ago.

 

I have had two poor weeks, but now things turned even worse. Other nipple started leaking again two days ago and today penis turned to the worst after quitting the meds. Penis has been quite numb for two weeks but now it is number than ever. It is really light, cold, and there is not much feeling at all. It has not been like this, only one poor day before as i remember.

 

This is a big wave or maybe I am not healing at all. Im starting to think that the trend is going downhill. Amazingly Im not so suicidal right now like I was in previous post. I was really hoping that this month it was getting better.

 

I cannot stop counting and estimating how long it will take to recover. Now i think 2-5 years. Yesterday I thought a year. Three weeks ago it was a couple of months... lol

 

Edit. And few weeks ago testosterone and prolactin levels were tested. They were normal back then.

 

Hi Janitor,

 

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I understand. I've been suffering from severe PSSD for three years now. I have the cold feeling in my genitals and the tip of my penis is cold(worse at night when I lay down in my bed). It's obviously due to not enough blood (nitric oxide) or circulation or something like that. Your probably not as flaccid(hang) as you used to be either. Hopefully it will get better.

How are your erections, morning erections etc.???

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Hi johnson!

 

It is shorter hanging, and feels really disgusting. Ive had only four morning erections during the 4 months. After i stopped the medication, the erections were actually painful. Sometimes it was not actually coming down right after masturbating, which i did just to test out. Sometimes the erections were oddly difficult to maintain. Resently the erections have been better or normal. But this week again very difficult to get any kind of erection. 95 % of the time i have to rub the penis to get an erection, i cannot see the female butt sexy.

 

How are your erections? How about yor libido, has there been any kind of period of improvement or has it just been the same? What is 24 hour flu? Im also having severe pre-ejaculation when not horny at all...(most of the time). Do you think that you have made any progress during three years?

Zyprexa         10-3 mg                             7  months

Risperdal       0,5 mg                                1 month

 

No meds since                                        June           2015

Leaking nipples                                        August       2015

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Glad to hear your erections have been better or normal except for this week. Hopefully it comes back. The pain part should go away with time.

 

My erections aren't that great. Mornings erections are weak. I've had a few signs here and there of my erections getting closer to normal only to fall right back to square one with weak erections.

At least not strong enough for intercourse anyways. Libido is ok but my sex drive is not as high as it used to be.

 

There has been some improvements over the three years but not as much as I had hoped of course.

What has improved was my problem with the feeling of frequent urination and constant arousal(even when not thinking about sex or women etc). That was constant hell and it got better. There is actually a term for it called 'PGAD'. I also got to a point early on just before I stopped taking my pills, where my penis almost felt dead and like rubber. Thankfully that has improved as well.

 

I'm hoping for better erections(strong enough for intercourse), a higher sex drive and hopefully the cold feeling in my penis goes away(it's all connected somehow). And I never thought I would say this but damn do I ever miss the morning erections!

 

But my story is just an example of someone who will take longer than others to recover from PSSD. There have been stories I've read on here of men who recovered a lot quicker than me. So everyone is different. I just hope you and I recover like the others have from this in the end and the sooner the better of course! That's all that matters. I hope this helps you.

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Thank you for sharing johnson. Do you have introduction about your problems somewhere, couldnt find it?

 

 

You dont know how happy you are to have morning erections, i wake up every day and it is depressingly soft down there, not even a weak erection.

 

I Know what you talk about penis feeling rubber.

 

I really hope we get better.

Zyprexa         10-3 mg                             7  months

Risperdal       0,5 mg                                1 month

 

No meds since                                        June           2015

Leaking nipples                                        August       2015

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  • 4 months later...

Yep! Sooo, its 4 months since my last post here. Penis is no longer cold anymore, sometimes exercise makes it freezing, i dont know why... so there is some improvement. Also ******** sensitivity has returned to normal and there is no longer pain in my genital area, and overall genital area feels quite normal most of the time, blood circulation seems to work fine nowadays. Sperm quality has returned closer to normal. 95 % of the time erection is working well (except erection is not jumping up nothing like it used to do).

 

Hard erection is not difficult to get, but i have very small libido most of the time and i have no desire for sex. I masturbate every day. 50 % of the time i suffer from premature ejaculation, and during this time i would not be able to have an intercourse lasting for more than 1 second. I think my body is working so that i am ABLE to have sex all the time, but i have very little interest in sex.

 

Insomnia is still bothering. but now i sleep average 5 hours during night time, i am looking for average 7-8 hours of sleep when back on track. A month ago, for some reason, i had really bad period of insomnia. Few nights went without sleep at all so i took mirtazapine for less than a week, didnt want to do it but the situation was really difficult.

 

Again estimating that this healing will take maybe 1-2 year from this day, not sure if willing to wait and see...

Zyprexa         10-3 mg                             7  months

Risperdal       0,5 mg                                1 month

 

No meds since                                        June           2015

Leaking nipples                                        August       2015

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  • 2 months later...

Almost a year since quitting.. I dont know what to say, I think Im giving it up. Some symptoms have disappeared (testicular pain, cold penis), but loss of libido is still pretty much the same as last year. Erectile dysfunction maybe worse than a year ago. Just want to die.

Zyprexa         10-3 mg                             7  months

Risperdal       0,5 mg                                1 month

 

No meds since                                        June           2015

Leaking nipples                                        August       2015

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Its gonna get better dont give up, I had sexual problems all through WD. ITs slowly getting better but it took me 1.5 yrs to notice a difference. I dont talk much about it on my thread . It may take me another year for it to go back to normal. Hang in there it will get better . 

Was on 30mg (Lexapro) for 7-8yrs20mg for 3 months (This was my choice my Doc wanted me to drop much faster)15 mg 2week10mg 2 weeks 5 mg 1 week0 since August 24th . PPI Dexlant  30 mg taper has begun. Cutting 20% currently.  using zantac as needed.  Benzo is currently 0.10mg 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Janitor , reading through your posts it sounds like there have been some significant improvements

over the past year,

 

What symptoms do you have now?

 

What is your day-to-day lifestyle like? Social interactions? Activities? Self care ? Nutrition?

 

It's important to look at other functions apart from sexually-related things.

If your life is in balance your penis has more chance of following suit.

If you have no balance , you're likely to become more pre-occupied with specific symptoms.

 

bw , Fresh

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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I think loss of libido will solve itself within the time. The body can heal itself. Some things are able to heal within one year and some take longer. I am 9 months drug free and anxiety related things are still there. We have to hope, dying is not an option.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to Janitor: castrated (and more...)

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