Kira: withdrawals from short term (up to 4 years) antidepressant use

[Kira]

There are so many inspiring stories from long-term (veterans) anti-depressant users out there. Those who successfully quit after decades of meds and suffered emotional withdrawals for years are truly amazing and strong people. But is there stories of successful withdrawal from short term users like me.? 

I have been on Lexapro since the birth of my daughter for 18 months. At that point i felt content and "normal" so i decided to gradually stop. In hind sight, I might have tapered too quickly but i didn't experience any physical withdrawal symptoms so i decided i was "free". But after about a month from my last dose I had a huge emotional crush- crying spells, anxiety, insomnia and depression. The really bad period lasted for a month, but now two months after my last dose i am wondering if I too have to live like this for years? I know its selfish of me to complain after seeing people that were on every medication possible and suffered for years from withdrawals. But i feel like this thread might help those of us in the beginning of the anti-depressant journey and stop the inexperienced from going back on them. 

Thank you for any replies 

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

Anyone who has taken a psychiatric drug regularly for a month or more is at risk for withdrawal syndrome when they go off.

 

Four years is not a "short term" on antidepressants. It is excessive. Most psychiatry guidelines specify treatment with antidepressants is usually up to a year.

[oskcajga]

There are so many inspiring stories from long-term (veterans) anti-depressant users out there. Those who successfully quit after decades of meds and suffered emotional withdrawals for years are truly amazing and strong people. But is there stories of successful withdrawal from short term users like me.? 

I have been on Lexapro since the birth of my daughter for 18 months. At that point i felt content and "normal" so i decided to gradually stop. In hind sight, I might have tapered too quickly but i didn't experience any physical withdrawal symptoms so i decided i was "free". But after about a month from my last dose I had a huge emotional crush- crying spells, anxiety, insomnia and depression. The really bad period lasted for a month, but now two months after my last dose i am wondering if I too have to live like this for years? I know its selfish of me to complain after seeing people that were on every medication possible and suffered for years from withdrawals. But i feel like this thread might help those of us in the beginning of the anti-depressant journey and stop the inexperienced from going back on them. 

Thank you for any replies 

 

The emotional disruption you're describing is one of the less disabling forms of withdrawal that exists, based on my reading of posts from numerous individuals over the last 2 years.  I'm not trying to trivialize your symptoms, emotional challenges are very difficult to deal with and can cause all sorts of physical ones as well - BUT it seems that if you don't have the tingling, numbness, terrible headaches, blurry vision, failing or damaged organ systems, involutary spasms, muslce weakness, being bedridden, etc, you have been spared the effects of what has been described by some experts in the field as neuropathy or nerve damage - which is a much more serious and disabling form of withdrawal syndrome.

 

The emotional roller coaster will definitely end, and you'll experience a full recovery - I am sure of it.  The temptation can be to go back on meds to curtail the emotional roller coaster - and this is probably very common.  I would implore you NOT to do this no matter how difficult the depression and anxiety become. 

 

I would estimate that it will take probably no more than 6-9 months for you to stabilize emotionally and for the anxiety and insomnia to dissipate.  This is the typical timeframe given for drugs and substanes - the first year is a big roller coaster, but after that it gets easier and easier with time.  I would look into the literature on post-acute withdrawal syndrome if I were you, it's an analagous reaction that you are probably experiencing and the timeframes listed there may be quite consistent with your own recovery.

[Theon]

what about the emotional flatness, osk?,

do you think it's harder to recover from that than from the emotional rollercoaster or easier?

[oskcajga]

what about the emotional flatness, osk?,

do you think it's harder to recover from that than from the emotional rollercoaster or easier?

 

Yes, I think it's probably some sort of neuropathy to those regions of the brain - sort of like how the limbs and feet feel numb, so I also think the brain gets numbed out to emotional sensations.  I think PSSD and emotional numbness are linked - and PSSD has been posited to be a neuropathy of the C-fibers.

 

Not feeling emotions and having sexual dysfunction means something is VERY wrong with the way the brain and peripheral nervous systems function and communicate - feeling emotions is one of the essential ways that humans survive and mate successfully.

 

I wish I understood what sort of nerve damage occurs - is a demylenation of the mylen sheeth?  Is it a dendrite death and loss?  Is it a receptor death, making signal transmission impossible?  Dead receptors COULD cause this - if the electrochemical signals that form action potentials cannot form, signals will not be sent - and this is all chemically controlled.  The odd thign is that these siganls are controlled via sodium and potassium channels - and of corse acetylcholine and norepinephrine.  I suspected that drugs that increase norepinephrine such as Effexor or cymbalta MAY cause a downregulation of NE receptors, which could cause a very serious problem in how many many neurons communicate. 

 

If these drugs did happen to affect ACH or NE, and cause downregulation of receptors or altered actions, this could explain some of the tingling and numbness etc, but I suspect it's more than that.

 

But they do heal, so that's good - even if it takes 5-10 years in some cases.  I think that the reason that the neurons heal is because the cell bodies take a long time to repair what ever damage has been done - it's damage that needs to be fixed at the DNA level - and neurons do not replicate the same way that most somatic cells do.  If neurons did heal like some other cells do, a stem cell would just simply differentiate into a new neuron, and you'd have 100% functioning back.  But instead, they heal sort of like a building is repaired after an earthquake.  One peice at a time, over a long period of time.  Provided the cell body and thus the nucleas is still alive, it cen send out newly synthesized proteins to replace the ones that are damaged.  This is how neuroplasticity takes place, but it's SLOW because all those proteins need to be delivired from the nucleus by cytofillaments all the way to the site of repair. 

 

The nucleus of the cell has DNA and has the architectual plans for HOW the nervous system should be formed, and upon birth the central and peripheral nervous systems are exactly this DNA specific form (with some alterations depending on in utero effects, and other environmental or gene transcription mutations etc).  As toxins such as SSRIS are presented, the DNA tries to replicate this original perfection, but it's an imperfect process because these cells don't readily replicate themselves.

[Altostrata]

Let's not speculate about neurological "damage" in the absence of at least a Ph.D. in the relevant field.

 

Anything else is a fantasy in our own individual psychodramas.

[Petunia]

Welcome Kira,

I moved your introductory post from the symptoms section to a Journal thread of its own. This way more people will notice it, and you can maintain your own journal if you would like to. You can use this thread as your ongoing journal to track progress, write about symptoms, ask questions and communicate with the community, add to it whenever you want.

 

Could you tell us more about how you tapered?  What symptoms are you experiencing now?

[Kira]

 

There are so many inspiring stories from long-term (veterans) anti-depressant users out there. Those who successfully quit after decades of meds and suffered emotional withdrawals for years are truly amazing and strong people. But is there stories of successful withdrawal from short term users like me.?

I have been on Lexapro since the birth of my daughter for 18 months. At that point i felt content and "normal" so i decided to gradually stop. In hind sight, I might have tapered too quickly but i didn't experience any physical withdrawal symptoms so i decided i was "free". But after about a month from my last dose I had a huge emotional crush- crying spells, anxiety, insomnia and depression. The really bad period lasted for a month, but now two months after my last dose i am wondering if I too have to live like this for years? I know its selfish of me to complain after seeing people that were on every medication possible and suffered for years from withdrawals. But i feel like this thread might help those of us in the beginning of the anti-depressant journey and stop the inexperienced from going back on them.

Thank you for any replies

The emotional disruption you're describing is one of the less disabling forms of withdrawal that exists, based on my reading of posts from numerous individuals over the last 2 years. I'm not trying to trivialize your symptoms, emotional challenges are very difficult to deal with and can cause all sorts of physical ones as well - BUT it seems that if you don't have the tingling, numbness, terrible headaches, blurry vision, failing or damaged organ systems, involutary spasms, muslce weakness, being bedridden, etc, you have been spared the effects of what has been described by some experts in the field as neuropathy or nerve damage - which is a much more serious and disabling form of withdrawal syndrome.

 

The emotional roller coaster will definitely end, and you'll experience a full recovery - I am sure of it. The temptation can be to go back on meds to curtail the emotional roller coaster - and this is probably very common. I would implore you NOT to do this no matter how difficult the depression and anxiety become.

 

I would estimate that it will take probably no more than 6-9 months for you to stabilize emotionally and for the anxiety and insomnia to dissipate. This is the typical timeframe given for drugs and substanes - the first year is a big roller coaster, but after that it gets easier and easier with time. I would look into the literature on post-acute withdrawal syndrome if I were you, it's an analagous reaction that you are probably experiencing and the timeframes listed there may be quite consistent with your own recovery.

[Kira]

oskcajga! Thank you for your informative reply and encouragement. it seems that when I thought that my wave of depression, anxiety and insomnia had passed I started at square one again. I was somewhat normal after about two months since my last dose. But then, a month later (3 months since last dose) I started experiencing anxiety, depression, insomnia again. I have read that withdrawal comes in waves but didn't realize that the change in your emotions and moods can be so drastic. And of course there is all this fear that it's recurring depression and not withdrawals at all. From your experience is it normal to have such big windows of "being normal" between withdrawal waves?

[brassmonkey]

Hi Kira-- Welcome to the group. I sorry to hear that you're having a rough time with the waves and all.  It would really help us if you would clarify things a bit. How long were you on the Lexapro 18 months or 4 years? How much were you taking? How did you "gradually" taper off of it?  If you could put this and any other drug history in a signature block it would really be helpful.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

[Kira]

I wanted to ask anyone who is still out there about a very bothersome and persistent withdrawal symptom - insomnia. The sad thing is that I had a very persistent insomnia before starting lexapro. It was due to great anxiety and fear of not being able to sleep. I think I eventually started managing my symptoms on my own but then my daughter was born and all hell broke loose. I wanted to ask why is there such great deal of sleeplessness associated with withdrawal? I feel like now that I am in the middle of withdrawal my sleep is just as bad due to great deal of anxiety But what makes it worse is a great deal of depression. I suspect that withdrawal is only partially at false for this and that I am back to that long forgotten fear of being alone at night and not being able to sleep. Is there a thread about how people manage this?

[Altostrata]

A lot of us have problems with sleeplessness as a withdrawal symptom. See Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/
 

[Kira]

Not sure if anybody is still reading my tread but decided to write this for the future me. It's been almost 4 months since I stopped my 18 months bliss on lexapro. Life is hard. My anxiety is down somewhat but I still feel so down, depressed most of the days, cry on daily bases.There are days that I am ok but there are days that nothing warms the soul, all I wanna do is abandon my family and leave. Start a new life somewhere sunny: it's horrible because I know I am lucky to have such a wonderful husband, kid and house. It's still hard for me to believe that my crushing depression is still withdrawal. I mean I was on this drug relatively short term, in comparison to others on this forum. How can I still be suffering to such a degree. What if this is new me and I AM REALLY unhappy and it's not withdrawal. Would leaving my family help? Would changing something in my life help? What If I just give up and go back to this horrid drug...

Sometimes I just need somebody to tell me to hang on and it will pass and I will be myself soon.

[Altostrata]

Kira, 4 years is not a short time on antidepressants.

 

Yes, you will gradually recover, you're doing a little better already. I can't tell you you will be yourself soon.

 

Did you try fish oil and magnesium?

 

It sounds like you might benefit from light therapy, have you looked into it?

[starcontrol2]

Kira,

 

I took lexapro for 2.5 years before I tried to get off.

I can give you as many details as you want but it has been beyond brutal.

Insomnia, feeling like my family is not my family and many other things.

You are not alone...

[Mort81]

I took Lexapro at 30mg for 8 yrs. Kira you are doing well. Gradual Improvements will happen. Im just over a year off AD and im probably 65% myself. I came back from the depths of hell but who said this life is easy, we will all get there in time. Hang in there ! 4 yrs is not a short time but remember we all heal slightly differently and time frame is also different. You will heal! We all heal its just not fast. Its super slow unfortunately. Be gentile with yourself!

[Gibby]

Kira,

 

 

Your insomnia could be caused from withdrawal, but you mentioned that you had trouble sleeping before you took it due to anxiety, specifically, anxiety about not being able to sleep.

 

This is (creatively) called "sleep anxiety", anxiety about sleep itself. It's a paradoxical logic spiral, wherein you put pressure on yourself to sleep, which keeps you awake, and then you worry about not sleeping, which keeps you awake, and on and on and on.

 

It IS possible to break this cycle, through cognitive behavioural therapy, either through a therapist or through self help. A good website for insomnia self help is www.insomnia-free.com

 

It has lots of information about insomnia's causes. It'd be worth trying the CBT techniques to see if they improve your sleep any. It takes time, and it's not a miracle cure, but it might help. If the insomnia is indeed withdrawal related, you'll at least be learning skills for when that goes away. 

[Altostrata]

Good point, Gibby.

 

Kira, also see Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems

[Kira]

Hi again and thank you for replying and supporting me. You guys are great! It has been 5 months since my last dose and I am sad to say that I am still in withdrawal stage. I have been doing better, of course, in comparison with the first 3 months when it felt like i was stuck in the dark room with not a glimpse of light in sight.

My withdrawal now is purely emotional, unexplained anxiety, gloomy thoughts and, the worse, depression waves. The latter is the one that scares me the most for it is during this time that I start thinking that I AM DEPRESSED for real and its not withdrawal. How do I know its not? The only fact that proves me wrong is that I have never been depressed in my entire life but is this enough to keep me going? I keep questioning my life, my family and thinking that if i do a drastic change it could get better, i could cure myself. Will that help?

Has anyone been through a similar situation and actually changed their life circumstances entirely to help with depression? How do I distinguish the real depression from fake withdrawal one? 

 

Thank you all for dropping by and reading this 

[bubble]

Now let me ask you something Kyra. How will saying that your depression is either "real depression" or "fake withdrawal depression" help you?

 

First of all I don't think there is such thing as real and fake depression. From where I stand, depression is just depression and always very real. You have to manage it and live with it either way. Also it helps to break this word down into something more specific: is it anhedonia (not feeling things), low energy, lack of motivation, difficulty concentrating and processing information, etc.

 

I can relate very much to this need to change your life drastically. Periodically I feel exactly the same thing: I have this overwhellming urge to change my job, or quit it and go and live somewhere very far. But this also passes and at other times I'm very pleased with where I am and what i do and I thank God I didn't make any rash decisions. Having this kind of exaggerated feeling is actually a well-known emotional symptom of withdrawal called neuroemotions: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3611-neuro-emotions-deep-despair-dread-doom-horror/

 

Also when you asked earlier whether it is normal to have "big windows of "being normal" between withdrawal waves". This is very "normal". It's actualyl the recognised pattern of how our brain heals.http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization/

 

4 months might feel like  a long time and every time is long when we are struggling but after such a short taper it's not so long. Plus you are doing a lot better than people who tapered equally short after more drug exposure. And you will continue to improve. It's just that this is not a linear process.

 

It always helps me to focus on positive things and wait for them even when I'm struggling. I chose not to see my symptoms as the "real" me. So the real me is not the one that is depressed and anxious but the person that emerges when these symptoms retreat. Drugs or no drugs we all have to learn how to deal with being alone at night..

 

Have you tried exploring that through some form of talk therapy? Our fears developed when we were smaller, more defencelles and less capable of taking care of ourselves. I sometimes imagine my troubled self as a little child who now has a very compassioante adult who can take a good care of her: ME. Before I depended on others for soothing and comfort. Now I can do these things for myself. We often turn into circus elephants who can't remove the pole that was restraining them when they were babies. Even now when they are big and strong animals they remain tied to the same pole that was once too heavy for them to move. They just don't know they are not as weak as they were before.

 

You can do this and you are doing it

[Altostrata]

@Kira, how are you doing?