BringMePeaceBringMeComfort - 6 months off Zoloft and at my worst

[BringMePeaceBringMeComfort]

Hello all, I suppose I am writing to see if I am crazy or not, if others have had the same problems, or if it is like the psychiatric community says and I just need to be on an SSRI. Is this really me? Or is this still the Zoloft?

I was put on Zoloft when I was 18 for anxiety relating to going to college. I had always been an anxious child, and suffered from some depressive episodes in highschool. I wasn't awesome, but it wasn't until I went on zoloft that I feel I really got out of control. For the most part, it did a pretty good job of numbing me out, but when I blew, I BLEW.

I was on it for 12 years. Tried to wean off at least five times as I did not feel it was doing much, maybe even making me slightly more unstable, and of course the sexual dysfunction and weight gain weren't fabulous either, but I could never get through the initial withdrawal.

Finally I gathered all my courage and took the plunge last year and was completely weaned by October. I made it through the weaning months of physical hell and some emotional roller-coastering and thought I had it nailed, once I was completely off things seemed to be getting better. Then since the beginning of this year things have been a complete mess. I have lost my job, lost my friends, my romantic relationship is hanging by a thread. I also suffer from Lyme, so I am constantly unsure what physical symptoms are due to that or the zoloft. But the emotions are another thing entirely. I can barely function, my anxiety keeps me in the house most days. I have regular panic attacks over the silliest things and I cry ALL THE TIME. I couldn't make it through San Andreas the other day without bawling. I had my ups and downs before, but the downs, though more severe since taking the Zoloft, also revereted themselves within a few weeks and didnt happen except maybe once or twice a year.

Now, my nerves are shot, I am exhausted all the time, I have horrible acne, I feel week, nauseous, headaches. I've developed obsessive disorders and worst of all, because of all this, I have become severely depressed and suicidal at times(not sure if I am allowed to say that on here, but it is the truth).  I can't describe the total sense of loss of control. The loss of myself. 

Some days I have it a little together, but most days I dont. The littlest stressor will send me completely over the edge.

I am seeing a nutritionalist and holistic medicine doctor to try to rebalance my completely depleted adrenals, I go to meditation class, I see a therapist, I exercise three plus days a week, I eat all organic all homemade meals, I even started acupuncture, I basically do everything by the book but am still about as messed up as you can be.

My therapist believes I need to go back on medication, that I am wired this way and my only hope is drugs. My mom (who is also a shrink and who I currently live with) believes drugs as the reason I am like this now in the first place and feels hesitant about me throwing my system back into another chemical upheaval. I agree with each of them depending on the day and time.

Everything I have read online says you are supposed to be back to normal after three months, maybe four. I am going in month six and things seem to be getting worse. Is this common, is this still withdrawal? Is the withdrawal worth it? It wasnt great on Zoloft but I DEFINITELY, DID NOT, SHAKE AND CRY while watching a movie like San Andreas. I've cried more and been more upset these past few months than I did while watching my dad slowly being eating away by cancer and dying a terribly painful death. To be honest, it is ridiculous and it is incredibly hard to think how I can possibly get through it.

Thank you.

[SquirrellyGirl]

Hello BMPBMC (easier that way!), 

 

Welcome to SA!  I'm glad you have found us.  You are definitely in protracted withdrawal!  You will find many people on this forum with stories similar to yours.  I was off of Effexor for 10 months and it just got worse and worse as time went by.  The 6 month mark is a common one for things getting "worse than ever before" emotionally.  It is likely that you came off Zoloft much too fast, and your nervous system was destabilized and still is.  Here is an excellent description of what is happening with your brain:

 

Brain Remodelling (Rhi's Description of Brain Healing)

 

More on withdrawal syndrome:

Introduction to AD Withdrawal Syndrome

Dr Joseph Glenmullen's Symptoms Checklist

 

Thank you for filling out your signature block.  If you could add a little more information such as what your highest dose was, what dose you were on when you tapered off, and how you accomplished the taper, that would very helpful.

 

Your mom was right; the medication is causing this, for the fact that your brain built itself around the drug and is now struggling to function without it, as Rhi's description explains. Usually we recommend reinstating for people who have very recently come off their meds, either cold turkey or too fast, as that is the only way to really get relief from the withdrawal symptoms.  Further out, reinstatement becomes trickier and may not work.  We leave it up to the member to decide if they want to try it or not, and if so we will help determine a reinstatement dose.  Usually, this far out, it would be 1-2 mg.  Here's a thread on reinstatement that should help:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

Your therapist is wrong; this is not about your wiring such that you have a chemical imbalance and need to be on meds.  Well, at least she's partly wrong.  You do have a chemical imbalance, but it is one caused by having BEEN on the drug, and the only reason you would need the drug is to fix the withdrawal the lack of the drug is causing!

 

Have a read of the links I gave you and come back with questions!  I'm sure other mods will add more.  You will find lots of support here on SA!

 

SG

[AliG]

Hello BringMePeaceBringMeComfort.   Welcome.    I'm glad you found your way here. You will find a lot of support and information. What you're experiencing is withdrawal, and it's not the real you . It's your brain trying to reach homeostasis after having the drug that it had adapted to removed very quickly. There is a good explanation of that here  :

Brain Remodelling

 

When you tapered off Zoloft in October, how did you taper and over what period of time?  Did you alternate doses?

 

Sometimes, it can take a few months for the full impact of withdrawal to make it's presence felt. I'm sorry that you have had losses, as a result. However, It's great that you have support with a Nutritionist and already practice Meditation and other self - care. I don't know what supplements you are already on, but many of us find Magnesium and fish oil beneficial .

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

These links will help explain a little more :

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's withdrawal symptom checklist

 

This is your thread to journal your progress and ask questions.

Ali

[BringMePeaceBringMeComfort]

Thank you both for your responses and reading suggestions, 

 

I guess I did taper quickly. In the past I would try going down 5mg every month or so, but the withdrawal was so unpleasant I thought I would just do the recommended taper and get it over with faster, so this time I did 25mg every three weeks and just banged it out. I just did not think it would affect me so badly continually down the line, as no one talks about it. 

 

I guess I am just in it for the long haul. I'm not sure I would be a good candidate for reinstatement, as I am so far along. 

 

I take fish oil and magnesium, as well as a whole host of APEX supplements that include nutrient rich enzyme supported neural and gut support.

 

Has anyone else found they have had severe intestinal issues since going off SSRI? I have gut issues because of surgery complications from years ago, but they have definitely gotten worse, which I imagine is because 80% of your serotonin is in your intestines.

 

I just had a follow up with my holistic doctor and she mentioned something called SAM-E. Was wondering if anyone had had any experience with this? 

 

I tried 5HTP but had very adverse reactions to that.

 

I was also wondering if anyone has tried Ozone Therapy, a friend of mine is using it for his auto-immune disorders but mentioned that it has been pro-ported to help neuroplasticity. 

 

I may be going a bit a neurotic trying to find solutions where there are none, and I am not sure what the rules are on talking about supplements etc, but I thought I would ask.

[KarenB]

Hey there BmPBmC,

 

You're in a classic state of w/d alright - that sure was a fast taper.  Sorry it's got so rough now. 

 

Here's our threads on supplements:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2836-supplements-what-helps-what-doesnt/

which should provide you with plenty of reading material.  Generally though, as AliG pointed out magnesium and fish-oil are the most useful.  B Vitamins are the ones likely to cause over-activation of your symptoms. 

 

SamE is not recommended as for many people it causes complications. 

 

And yes, antidepressants can and do cause gut issues.  It's because our brain, gut and heart are all linked (by the vagus nerve).  Healing your gut alongside your brain is a very good idea.  There's lots of discussion here:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3413-digestive-problems-nausea-diarrhea-bloating-gerd/ and here:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3173-vagus-nerve-stimulation/

 

You'll also find lots of other information by browsing around in the Symptoms Forum.  Building up your self-care is vital to getting through this.  Wow, that's lots of reading for you - hope you have a rainy afternoon soon .

 

Karen

[nz11]

Welcome BMPBMC

Nothing more to add to the great stuff already given.

[Rockingchaircat]

Gut issues? Oh yeah. Every day It's like my body is trying to purge itself. At least in the morning. All in all, yeah- serotonin is a component in the gut- so it's not just our brains that are in flux during withdrawal. 

 

I'm in month 11 (just started) of mine withdrawal. And I'm on the same level- many are the times I want to go back on, but it'd take months to stabilize at this point. But it's easy to romanticize the past. I did write down the reasons for getting off of the stuff- and I remember that even though I'm going through problems now- A) they're still not as bad as the crap while I was on them, even though they're different crap. and it does get better. I get the occasional window.

 

Just be glad that you didn't go cold turkey. Which I did- the first time around. Big mistake.  And looking back that may have been the deciding factor for my inevitable gall bladder removal.