Luna1: Three years on

[Luna1]

Hello
Today marks three years off antidepressants. I took Prozac for 16 years at 20 mg. My taper was 4 weeks at every other day, the psychiatrist said this was fine. I know now that it was ridiculous.

I slowly went down hill and at month 4 I hit rock bottom. Words have not been invented for what happened. A year later I would still regularly be found screaming and bashing my head on the floor. Two years later I still had horrendous depersonalisation I would find it impossible to look at everyday objects without completely freakimg out. Three years on I'm still severely debilitated. My main symptoms are
Chronic fatigue
Fibro type pain especially in the neck and upper back.
Muscle pain and twitches
Vision problems constant blur and a film feeling over my eyes that I can never clear
Headaches
Ear pain
Jaw pain
Vertigo
Dizziness
Insomnia chronic
Constant eye twitch
Restless legs
Agitation
Anxiety
Severe depression especially am

The only medication I have taken in 3 years in clonidine which I believe helped but it made my bp so low I would faint several times a day.

I had depression and anxiety before Prozac and was medicated at a young age so I don't really remember it too much. I know I will be the exception on this site and I respect everyone's beliefs but I do think there is a place in the world for antidepressants I just think they are hugely over prescribed hugely misunderstood and should only be prescribed for the sickest of the sick the ones with no other choices and it should be short term of possible. I feel very let down by Drs.

I have seen 7 psychiatrists in the last 3 years including Dr Healy, who is an extremely nice man.All but dr healy and one other diagnosed serious depression and anxiety.

I have taken magnesium glycinate for 3 years but can go months without it and notice no difference. I can't tolerate fish oils they make me very anxious.

I would appreciate any thoughts/ advise

[divalee]

Luna

I also am off 3 years and one week from Zoloft....I am going through almost exactly what you are going through....It is said that some around the 3 year the symptoms escalate -   I am in the same boat as you.....Just to tell you that you are not alone.

 

I don't have all of the symptoms that you have but most of them I will write them here..

 

Blurred vision, distorted vision

Headaches

Pressure in my head

Pins and needles face, head and lips

Pressure bridge of nose

Weight loss

night sweats

Anxiety

Panic attacks

Light headedness

feeling of blocked ears  (they are not)

depression (especially in the morning)

 

So you are not alone in this -  it is WDs ....This form has told me - it will pass.....and I believe it....you have to believe it too.

 

So don't be afraid any more -  many of us are in the same boat....it isn't that you are alone in this....This will pass - it will

 

I cant take anything at all....Magnesium , fish oil, vitamins....they do nothing for me....we just have to let it be and in time we will get better.....I will pray for you as I pray for all of us here.....

 

If happy little bluebirds fly

Beyond the rainbow

So can......you.......and.......I.....

 

Have speranza (hope) have inner strength, and we will encourage you all we can....

 

Love

Lee (f)

xx

[SquirrellyGirl]

Hello Luna, 

 

Thank you for sharing your story with us.  I am sorry that at this point you are still struggling so much.  I am in awe of your strength, to make it through to today.  Maybe you could share with us how you were able to cope, since so many who come here feel so desperate and cannot grapple with the idea of withdrawal lasting so long.

 

Are you practicing any meditation, yoga, mindfulness?  You might want to look into Emotional Freedom Techniques (tapping):  http://www.emofree.com/eft-tutorial/eft-tapping-tutorial.html

 

This could be used any time a symptom comes to your awareness.

 

I think this video is really helpful for understanding protracted withdrawal:  Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

You might read through this thread as well:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/509-protracted-withdrawal-or-paws-post-acute-withdrawal-syndrome-how-long-does-it-last/

 

You may find something helpful in the Symptoms and self-care forum.  It is really about staying calm, Acceptance, and self-care, and having support.  You have come a long way but there's still more healing to be done.  I'm sure others with similar histories will respond.  You can also do a google search for "survivingantidepressants protracted withdrawal" to get more hits.

 

SG

[Luna1]

Lee, SG thank you.

 

I know I wouldn't be here without my family. Even though for a long time I could not be around people at all, I always knew they were there, I'm very lucky it that way.

 

I think not knowing what the future holds is what keeps you going, keeping hope that tomorrow may be your day to heal is important. Saying that if I'm honest If I knew for 100% that going back to medication would not cause a huge reaction and set back I would go back to it, and that's not something I thought I would ever say but I think it shows how long I have suffered.

 

I have thought about tapping, Iv heard it lowers cortisol which I have way too much off.. I think sleep is the thing I crave the most, it is hard to describe the sleep deprivation, it's like my brain has forgotten how to do it and it's made me very anxious about sleep. I have also found that if I ever do get more sleep I tend to feel worse which in bizare and I don't understand. X

[Luna1]

What I have found has got worse over three years is the dizziness, it keeps me from driving for days, Iv had every test there is and they all come back normal. I don't believe it is just the lack of sleep as after the odd good night it is just as bad if not worse..

 

Do people report on the rxisk website? It has some good stories

 

http://rxisk.org

[AliG]

Luna . Welcome to S.A.   I would love to know more of your story in general. If you could fill in your drug history signature. It will help us to understand your context and appears below each of your posts.  

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 

Unfortunately dizziness is a common withdrawal symptom and one that can hang on for a while . I'm sorry you're still so symptomatic, but you have obviously been very strong to get to this point. You said everyone had diagnosed you with depression and anxiety except for Dr Healy. Can I ask what he said / diagnosed ?

I had the dizzies for a long time. It was one of my primary symptoms and now it's gone !  This does get better.

As SG said have a read of Symptoms & Self- Care. There are lots of great ways of dealing with symptoms but more than that it is an encyclopedia of how to get well without resorting to drugs, using natural alternatives.

 

This thread is your own journal to record your own progress and ask more questions. Bookmark it so you will find it more easily. Click Follow above so that you will be notified when someone responds in your thread.

You will find support, encouragement and information here.

I'm glad that you found us .

Ali

 

 

[Luna1]

AliG

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

I was put on Prozac aged 19. I become withdrawn and was ill all the time, I had every test imaginable and nothing was found to be wrong. I On New Year's Eve one year my parents talked me into going to a family party and on the drive there I remember looking out onto the snow and feeling such a profound sense of sadness. Two weeks later I started Prozac. I don't remember any real side effects except feeling very excitable and jittery. For this I was given lorazepam and with the two I felt fantastic within 2 weeks the sun came out I was full of energy I was confident, talkative. I got a job, I got friends and even though I still had issues with anxiety it was manageable.

 

Roll on 15 years and after a holiday in the sun, I woke one morning and thought I don't need this I feel great so I cut to 20mg every other day for 2 weeks then I stopped. Initially I felt better than ever and I have learned this is a common reaction. The rest is history.

 

I really don't know how I get through the day if I'm honest, every single day is a struggle to a more or leaser degree. I always smile at people, a smile from a random stranger is priceless to me at the moment, it helps me realise I'm still human, I'm still here and I'm still alive.

 

Curremtly my worse issues are stability, vision focus and issues, migrane type headaches. Dizziness, chronic fatigue and a feeling of doom and dread that literally makes me want to sit on the floor and give up. I also have feeling of rage, this is worse after more sleep for some reason, I know that less sleep in the short term increases seratonin levels I'm not sure if it's something to do with that. I get no joy from being alive but I don't want to die if that makes sense.

 

Dr Healy said in his opinion I was not clinically depressed but that as part of my witjdrawal syndrome I had depressive symptoms. He said my issues are better thought of as peripheral neuropathy than withdrawal proper.

 

I'm now at the point that I'm considering trying a antidepressant medication. Dr Healy gave some suggestions if I became desperate and I'm desperate for some improvement. I know my system is in hyperdrive and I'm at high risk of knocking my progress back but to be honest my quality of life is so low I believe it is worth the risk. I kept a journal for a while and I alway wrote I would wait until 3 years for some reason.

 

I do believe we can all recover from this, but how long we wait is a individual thing. How long is long enough? I think if I had had progress I'd slog on. Saying that talking about starting meds again and actually being able to put the poison in my mouth is another thing.

 

Psychiatry is a farce, it uses medications that don't work to treat illnesses that don't exist. Then when the medications make you sick you get no support, are not believed and are left to either stay sick or take more of their poison.

[Luna1]

today I'm considering take the clonidine again. It was suggested by Dr Healy 2 years ago and it definitely made me less agitated. Currently I have terrible RLS. I wake after 2-3 hours with such a desperate desire to move my legs, then for the next 3 hrs I almost violently thrash around. I take mag in the night and lactium and ibrophehen. Around 7am I will sleep lightly for a hour tops. I then wake with my legs twitching crazily.. I never had rls before coming of Prozac. Iv done a little research in clonidine and seems a pretty safe Med as far as any can.although it needs tapering. I think halving the dose may prevent the fainting..

[AliG]

Luna .        A lot of the time there are underlying reasons for depression/ sadness/ anxiety that can't be solved instantly with a pill . It might be a vitamin D deficiency or a gluten intolerance or it might simply be grief. All these things are a normal  part of life but the doctors & drug companies especially want to " medicalize" it, and give you a pill . I have found the best way to become drug- free is to totally turn your back on them and essentially become totally devoid of any drugs. Even though you're struggling , I would avoid adding more drugs in to the mix.

 

I think you're doing well and even though it might not feel like it , you seem to be ahead of the game . We all have our own " timeline " and what is recovery for one person is a " backslide " for someone else depending on their mindset . However, your 3 years is major, and not to be underestimated.

 

I'm not sure Clonidine is the answer. It's prescribed for high blood pressure. Does that not tell you something ? I would be wary . This link might help :  

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9248-antihypertensive-clonidine-withdrawal-psych-meds-not-the-only-drugs-to-cause-paws/

 

I still suffer RLS, and I wouldn't dream of taking a drug to relieve it. I  try  hot/ cold packs: shower /magnesium bath / exercise/ magnesium powder in water  / oil ) , yoga  ( legs up the wall ) etc.  The magnesium oil spray has saved my life some nights.

All of these symptoms have solutions. They might not be as immediate as drugs , but they come without side effects and long term ramifications.

I hope you can hang in there. I'm 2 yrs now drug free now and slowly feeling improvement, and wouldn't go back at this stage . I hope you can go the distance.

Ali

[Luna1]

Luna .        A lot of the time there are underlying reasons for depression/ sadness/ anxiety that can't be solved instantly with a pill . It might be a vitamin D deficiency or a gluten intolerance or it might simply be grief. All these things are a normal  part of life 

Ali- I wholeheartedly agree. Depression is a complicated thing and many factors play a role. I particularly find it unhelpful when people/some doctors talk about it as one illness, like a virus there are a huge number of contributing factors. Hormones, virus/bacteria like you say vitamin deficiencies and other medications for example acne treatments. Wilding throwing chemicals at the delicate balance in the brain is not always the answer.

 

Its is quite important to me that you do not think I believe a pill is the answer. In fact i'm vehemently opposed to the over prescription of any medication not just psychotropic. Many moons ago I worked in a large city hospital checking patients in prior to treatment/operations. I was often quite amazed at the number of medications they were taking, many to counter side effects. Prescription drugs kill more than illegal drugs and unfortunately that is a fact not my opinion.  

 

For almost 8 months of the initial chronic withdrawal i was unable to lay down flat at all, like many others here i had the intense insomnia. I would try to lay down and soon as my mind felt my body relax i would be jolted awake in a panic of cortisol fear and doom. For months a wandered around my flat trying desperately trying to stay alive, I slept in 20 minute intervals. 3 years on I am still unable to nap and sleep 4-5 hrs. I never took a sleep drug. I could not even take paracetamol. The depression was enormous, my dad would take me for drives and i would stare at rivers, buildings etc and beg for the strength to get to them, my thoughts would not be could i do it, they were " how can i get up there". There was no darkness like it. It was not a depressive episode it was iatrogenic and even my Dr now agrees with that.

 

 

Over the years I have written and received several replies from psychiatrists/ neuropsychiatrists and authors of articles. Clonidine and  lamotrigine came up in several replies. I did not want to try lamorigue although i know Altro had some success, clonidine effects the imidazole receptors, whatever the mechanism of action I have been sent 2 case studies of partial decrease in symptoms. 

 

Saying all that I'm still terrified of any medication. I'm glad you have improved Ali it makes me happy for your progress and also  gives me hope I'm just a bit slow haha 

[AliG]

Luna.  Just trying to give help and hope . I have had the most intense insomnia which has slowly receded, due to the fact that I have not given in to it or tried to find a pill to " cure" it !   It really is a matter of time . I have found that if you can relax into it , it starts to over time resolve itself .I have refused to give into the anxiety and therefore the secondary fear that feeds it .

Ali

[Luna1]

I agree fear feeds the beast.

 

I would never try and fix my insomnia with a pill only time will resolve it. As awful as it is if I used clonidine it would be for my other symptoms.

 

Do you manage to work Ali ? if you don't mind me asking  

[Christian]

Hello

Today marks three years off antidepressants. I took Prozac for 16 years at 20 mg. My taper was 4 weeks at every other day, the psychiatrist said this was fine. I know now that it was ridiculous.

 

I slowly went down hill and at month 4 I hit rock bottom. Words have not been invented for what happened. A year later I would still regularly be found screaming and bashing my head on the floor. Two years later I still had horrendous depersonalisation I would find it impossible to look at everyday objects without completely freakimg out. Three years on I'm still severely debilitated. My main symptoms are

Chronic fatigue

Fibro type pain especially in the neck and upper back.

Muscle pain and twitches

Vision problems constant blur and a film feeling over my eyes that I can never clear

Headaches

Ear pain

Jaw pain

Vertigo

Dizziness

Insomnia chronic

Constant eye twitch

Restless legs

Agitation

Anxiety

Severe depression especially am

 

The only medication I have taken in 3 years in clonidine which I believe helped but it made my bp so low I would faint several times a day.

 

I had depression and anxiety before Prozac and was medicated at a young age so I don't really remember it too much. I know I will be the exception on this site and I respect everyone's beliefs but I do think there is a place in the world for antidepressants I just think they are hugely over prescribed hugely misunderstood and should only be prescribed for the sickest of the sick the ones with no other choices and it should be short term of possible. I feel very let down by Drs.

 

I have seen 7 psychiatrists in the last 3 years including Dr Healy, who is an extremely nice man.All but dr healy and one other diagnosed serious depression and anxiety.

 

I have taken magnesium glycinate for 3 years but can go months without it and notice no difference. I can't tolerate fish oils they make me very anxious.

 

I would appreciate any thoughts/ advise

[Christian]

Luna1,

Can you describe the film on your eyes you mentioned? Is it like a drowsy/sedated feeling? Like your eyes lack energy. Lethargy ?

 

Just trying to compare that to one of my most troubling symptoms.

[Christian]

Luna. Just trying to give help and hope . I have had the most intense insomnia which has slowly receded, due to the fact that I have not given in to it or tried to find a pill to " cure" it ! It really is a matter of time . I have found that if you can relax into it , it starts to over time resolve itself .I have refused to give into the anxiety and therefore the secondary fear that feeds it .

Ali

[Christian]

Alig,

That's wonderful news about your sleep! I recall you would go days without it. May I ask how much are you sleeping a night now on average ?

[Luna1]

Hey Christian

 

The film feels just like a film I cannot blink away. My eyes are very tired but it's not just lethargy. My optician says I have very good vision almost 20 20 and I don't wear glasses but it's feel restricted in some way I can't fully explain

[Luna1]

Today I have had tinitus and noise sensitivity all day. I get it to some degree everyday but today was much worse. I'm hoping this is temporary.

 

Currently my sleep goes like this. Go to bed at 10.30 fall asleep around 11.30 wake around 4 very agitated and anxious but exhausted cannot stop moving around for several hours then usually fall into a dreamy snooze sleep at around 7 then wake around 8-8.30. This has been the same for 15 months with the odd longer sleep and the odd much less. If I have something on my mind I will not fall assleep until 5 in the morning and wake around 8. I never take anything to try and make me sleep since I tried a quarter of a mitrazapine tablet anout 18 months ago and my body spent the whole night fighting the sedation it was awful and not something I would do again.

Any noise in the night when I'm relaxing still drops ice cold adrenaline/cortisol into my stomach just like the early days. It is quite simply a dreadful experience, one I know many people have felt.

 

I also have a constant twitch in my eye that only stops briefly in the evening but is there again in the morning. I have had it for over a year. I have been offered Botox but I know it will go when my body relaxes.

[Christian]

Interesting you say that about Remeron, Luna. My body fights the sedation of Mirtzapine as well. I don't understand it. Did you find that sleep came easier to you without the Remeron? If your body alerts you to sedation. Does It alert you awake as you are dozing off without the Remeron. I often wonder if I might fall asleep better without the Remeron. I always assume I can't.

[Luna1]

My body cottons on to any attempt to sedate it and fights it with extra cortisol. I would be interested to know how I would react if I could somehow take something without knowing I took it as I know some of the reaction is due to anxiety and ptsd about meds.

 

I'm curious how people manage financially during serious withdrawal. I need help with everything including washing my hair and house work. It's a very difficult time and I don't think it is unreasonable of me to feel some anger that at 3 years I have still haven't done my time. Although I try very hard to be patient and zen about it it's still there. I also worry about the long term effects of depressive illness despite the fact it is iotragenic it still has a huge effect on health heart disease, diabetes neurological diseases all come with long term depression..

[Christian]

So your saying your body falls asleep better without sedation? I cannot stand the Remeron sedating feeling. I wish there was a safe way to get sleep during WD.

[AliG]

 Hi luna :  I have found this to be true with anxiety and secondary fear :

I agree fear feeds the beast.

 

I would never try and fix my insomnia with a pill only time will resolve it. As awful as it is if I used clonidine it would be for my other symptoms.

 

Do you manage to work Ali ? if you don't mind me asking  

 No . I'm lucky in that  I haven't had to work lately but in saying that I probably couldn't have anyway .  I have been fortunate. I can understand how hard it is if you have to work .

I agree pills don't solve it . Only time away from the drugs and then a normal sleep pattern sets in . That can't happen if you're drugged .

Ali

[Luna1]

I suppose my concerns are where my withdrawal and depression overlap. I had a very extreme withdrawal and undoubtably put my body into massive shock. I have tried everything natural to treat my depression including

Massage therapy

Cbt

Yoga

Painting therapy

Counselling

Nature therapy ( it's a real thing)

Accupunture

Hypnotherapy

Nutritional Therapy

 

 

Yet I feel a sadness that leaves me unable to communicate or move. Iv lost so much and I don't know what to do.

 

Please don't think I'm looking for approval for drug therapy I'm just venting my anger and not seeing improvement in 3 long years

[Christian]

Luna,

I've communicated with several folks with similar symptoms as yours (and mine too) who have healed or drastically improved between 1-6 years. You might want to know one woman told me it took 4 1/2 years to feel human again. I think you said you met Dr Healy. He says 1-4 years. The good news is your in the window. The bad news is I'm just getting started at 7 months. Not sure when the start date is. When WD hit it or when you took your last med. Unless I'm misunderstanding, I find it interesting he contradicts himself in the article. He suggests for tardive dysthymia (WD depression) that we should try and reinstate not the original SSRI med but a tricycleric as its less potent. I guess he's suggesting in that state you dont need all that power SSRIs provide. Then he later says we all will heal in 1-4 years if we stay off meds.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1454-dr-david-healy-on-prolonged-antidepressant-withdrawal-syndrome-2009/

 

Just trying to provide some hope today!