Soup: starting Lexapro taper

[Soup]

@j1290 thanks for checking in . I am the same and have not made any changes with my Wellbutrin . I suffer daily with a litany of symptoms . Was going to get a bit stronger but that is not happening I am afraid . Need to taper obviously but was trying to wait till after my sons wedding in July . Hoping I can make it . 
Glad to see how you have progressed 

[j1290]

13 minutes ago, Soup said:

I suffer daily with a litany of symptoms .

I hear that.   The instant I started tapering the meds gave me heavy side effects.  I just didn't think it would happen to me.  I hear you about holding, I feel like that too.  I'd rather deal with the effects I know rather than who knows what.   

[wantrelief]

On 5/22/2023 at 2:52 PM, Soup said:

I suffer daily with a litany of symptoms . Was going to get a bit stronger but that is not happening I am afraid . Need to taper obviously but was trying to wait till after my sons wedding in July . Hoping I can make it . 

Oh Soup I am so sorry you continue to suffer.  I really hope you can make it to your son's wedding in July.  I have been thinking of you and am hoping you see some improvement very soon. 💖

[Carmie]

Dear @Soup  That’s sad that you’re still suffering so much, my heart goes out to you. I hope you have a lovely time at your son’s wedding in July💛

[Soup]

@Carmie thank you for your kind thoughts always so welcomed 

[LostInCanada]

@Soup stopping by to give you a hug. How have you been doing? I had a beautiful window but back navigating the wave. Hope you have a good day.♥️

[RachelSusan]

@Soup Hi Soup. Just checking in.  I know your son's wedding is this month. I hope you are able to make it.  Do you have a game plan worked out for yourself in case you don't feel well during the wedding?  I hope it all works out for you.

[Soup]

@RachelSusan how kind of you to check in . I hope things have settled for you . Yes 12 days to the wedding . I am very nervous but have lots of support set up so I pray thing go well for me . But I am

more nervous as I have to start my taper after the wedding and that terrifies me . 

[wantrelief]

48 minutes ago, Soup said:

Yes 12 days to the wedding . I am very nervous but have lots of support set up so I pray thing go well for me

I am so glad you have lots of support set up for the wedding, Soup. I am hoping you get caught up in the moment of it all and your symptoms fade into the background.  Congratulations on this special event in your life!

 

51 minutes ago, Soup said:

But I am

more nervous as I have to start my taper after the wedding and that terrifies me

You are very brave for starting your taper. I really get how scary it is to start, especially when you are experiencing symptoms.  I also was terrified to start tapering as I was so worried it would make things worse but it didn't. You could always start with a really small cut to test the waters.  I did that and it helped me get started.

 

I am wishing you all the best for both the wedding and your taper.  I am here if you need any support.....you are not alone in this. 💖

[Soup]

@wantrelief oh thank you so much for your kind wishes . Your words always make me feel better . My hope is that things do not get worse as I start this last taper 🙏🏻 . I appreciate your support and may have to ask for it as I move along . Hugs 

[RachelSusan]

@Soup I understand your fear of starting a taper. I would be fearful if it were me starting.

 

I'm glad you are going to the wedding.

 

 

[Soup]

@RachelSusan how are you feeling these days ? More settled I hope ? 

[RachelSusan]

@Soup I am in a protracted withdrawal, at least I think that is what it is. I never really recovered from November of 2022. Nausea, internal tremors, insomnia, sinus pressure.  Prior to that I was doing great. I am going to have an MRI of my head in a few weeks just to be on the safe side.

[j1290]

21 hours ago, Soup said:

But I am

more nervous as I have to start my taper after the wedding and that terrifies me . 

I'm with you on that.  After I did an extended break, I was really scared to start tapering again.  FWIW I've found the WD below 150 to be easier than at the higher doses.  For me, It's not that great or anything, but it's really not all that bad.  It's just one day at a time.  

 

Hope you have a fun time at the wedding!

[Soup]

@j1290 how kind of you thank you . I have told myself just to concentrate on the day and not my symptoms . My son is so worth it he’s an amazing human 

[Soup]

@RachelSusan I am so sorry you are still experiencing that but unfortunately I understand only to well . Sending a big hug of support 

[Soup]

Just reaching out to all

of you amazing people if you could send good vibes my way for this weekend as my son gets married . I know how you all really get how difficult this weekend will be for me . Thank you ❤️ peace to you all 

[LostInCanada]

@Soup try not to put to much pressure on yourself. Whatever you can do, your son will be happy.♥️

[RachelSusan]

@Soup I am thinking of you.  For me it has always been helpful to step away from the group and take a few minutes alone.  Perhaps try this even if you don't feel like you need it?  I hope you can enjoy yourself to the best of your ability.  I know it can be hard, but I also know you will do it. 

[wantrelief]

I am sending you lots of good vibes for your son's wedding this weekend @Soup. I like RachelSusan's idea of taking breaks - this has helped me too in social situations. I know you are going to do great and you are making your son so happy with your presence.  I will be thinking of you. 

[Soup]

Well I did it . Apparently I looked completely normal ( did not feel that in the inside ) I was able to help be there for my son I even did the mother son dance . I am proud of myself for this was a huge thing for me and I did it . Now I have to start climbing this new mountain and I am terrified . 

[RachelSusan]

@Soup This is fantastic.  I am so happy for you. I'm sure your son loved having you there.  Congratulations to you son and his wife on a new marriage, but even more importantly congratulations to you on being part of it.

[j1290]

10 hours ago, Soup said:

Well I did it . Apparently I looked completely normal ( did not feel that in the inside ) I was able to help be there for my son I even did the mother son dance . I am proud of myself for this was a huge thing for me and I did it . Now I have to start climbing this new mountain and I am terrified . 

OMG soup I'm so happy for you, congratulations!!!   Glad to hear you had such a good experience and nobody noticed a thing.   

 

I hear you, after I did that long hold I was really scared to get back into tapering.  Now I'm back into the thick of it and it's uncomfortable but I'm used to it now, and things are improving every cut.  It's possible it may not be as bad as you expect.  I sure hope so! 

[Soup]

So after my antibiotic setback I have never gone back to the way I was . Everyday is dr/dp , si , intrusive thoughts , no body feeling , no taste or smell , head issues , andehonia , deep depression , brain fog . I have waited for 19 months now and nothing has settled . Is this stabilization and I need to get on with the taper ? Is it tolerance ? Poop out ? I thought things would get a bit better . Any words of wisdom welcome as always . You are all true warriors 

[j1290]

@Soup Hi Soup, always great to get an update from you!   I'm not a mod, not that smart, and can't cook anything that doesn't require boiling, but I can share my experience 😊

 

25 minutes ago, Soup said:

I have waited for 19 months now and nothing has settled .

I'm sure I told you this but I'm in the mood to type today, if you'll permit 😁After I started tapering 450mg XL in 2021, the Bupropion never worked right again, I was always symptomatic with side effects of the med or WD.  After 4 months I went back up to 450 mg of IR and held for another 6 months or so, waiting for symptoms to subside.   They never did, so I switched to 450mg of XL like I started at, and things got maybe 15% better, but were still intolerable long term.   I figured if I'm going to feel uncomfortable no matter what I do I'd better taper because I thought I might feel better eventually.   So I switched back to IR and started tapering and a year later I'm much improved.  

 

I'm not perfect, I'm not comfortable, but I've gotten back a lot of cognitive ability and memory, and have a lot fewer and less intense emotional symptoms.   

 

I was really scared to begin to taper again because I was in such a fragile state that day to day functioning was questionable.   It turned out to be the right decision for me, but the whole process was terrifying because I didn't know if I was making things worse.   

 

I'm glad I did.  It was a bumpy ride, but I'm doing much better now.  

 

You'll find your own way, soup, in your own time.  Please post often, I'm always thinking about you when I visit this website.  

 

edit:

Quote

Is this stabilization and I need to get on with the taper ? Is it tolerance ? Poop out ? I thought things would get a bit better .

 

That was my conclusion, that I was at my new normal, as uncomfortable as it was, and I needed to taper from there.   I thought things would get to where they were before I started tapering, but that turned out not to be the case at all.   Really surprised me.   My best guess is once I tapered even a little bit, after 20 years on the max dose of bupropion, that I broke it and it won't ever work the same again.  

[LostInCanada]

@Soup ❤️❤️❤️

[Soup]

@j1290 you cannot believe how much your words helped me tonight . I am actually sitting here crying mostly about my situation but also that you would take the time to share your story and to seem to genuinely care . Thank you so much . Your words were what I actually already thought but it was nice to hear of your individual journey and your thoughts along the way . I truly do know the only way to get better is to taper

off . Getting the IR is difficult here in Canada so I think I will have to be like Go2zero and cut the xl and take 3 times a day . I can do this I just gotta keep telling myself . Thank you again very much 

[j1290]

1 hour ago, Soup said:

@j1290 you cannot believe how much your words helped me tonight . I am actually sitting here crying mostly about my situation but also that you would take the time to share your story and to seem to genuinely care . Thank you so much . Your words were what I actually already thought but it was nice to hear of your individual journey and your thoughts along the way . I truly do know the only way to get better is to taper

off . Getting the IR is difficult here in Canada so I think I will have to be like Go2zero and cut the xl and take 3 times a day . I can do this I just gotta keep telling myself . Thank you again very much 

Of course I care, Soup!  😊 I think you and me and @Go2zero are the regulars here tapering off of only Bupropion.   I'm always glad to see you post and hear how you're doing.   

 

Last August I was still having heavy side effects and not sure I could continue working or ever recover after nothing seemed to stabilize me.   I went to at least 4 specialists with no answers.  I was terrified.   Best thing I did was scour this website and read the tapering forum over and over.   I think what happened to me is basically what @brassmonkey said better.  

  

On 5/10/2022 at 12:44 PM, brassmonkey said:

It took several years and becoming totally messed up to figure out I was in severe tolerance, or what we lovingly call "poopout".

 

Just making the decision to do something about it was a terrifying experience but after 18 years of being drugged, my marriage on the rocks and about to lose everything (probably even my life) I decided to do something about it.  Again, I was lucky and found a site called PaxilProgress before I made any changes. That started the entire process.  I liked the idea of the 10% taper but made a couple of modifications to make it gentler and started with that.

 

Nothing happened. I felt as bad as I had been.  Six weeks passed, and I did my second drop. Nothing happened, except maybe I felt a bit worse.  This pattern kept up for about 18 months.  When one day it hit me, "I hadn't felt as crappy for the past several weeks".  It took another six months before I again noticed that things had improved.  During this whole time all I could do was move doggedly forward making the best of it and learning to put up with and work around the symptoms.  I really had no other choice.

The thread is here.  Back in the old days of PaxilProgess in 2013 I was lucky enough to get Brassmonkey's help in tapering Venlafaxine, for which I'm truly grateful.  He's a brilliant and kind man.  

 

Much like BrassMonkey, none of my individual cuts made me feel substantially better like I wanted.   They've all added up though and now I'm much less-worse 😂

 

At least when I tapered I'd get some days with hypomania so I'd get some laughs with @littlebird, a fellow Bupropion Buddy, and @Fifree and @Thorin.  All exceptional people who happen to be hilarious and I owe a lot of thanks to.   When it comes to 'life gives you lemons, you make lemonade', these 3 have it all figured out!  

 

I made tons of mistakes, tapering is messy, but if you want to see what I did check out my intro.   You'll figure out what's best for you when the time is right.   I'm not a mod, I'm sure they can advise you if you have questions.   

 

Hang tight, Soup, I'm confident you'll find your way when you're ready.   I'm pulling for you!

[wantrelief]

Hey there @Soup, 

 

4 hours ago, Soup said:

Everyday is dr/dp , si , intrusive thoughts , no body feeling , no taste or smell , head issues , andehonia , deep depression , brain fog . I have waited for 19 months now and nothing has settled .

I am so sorry you have continued to feel this way. You have been so very patient and I am really sorry that nothing has changed over these last 19 months. I know how terrifying this all is. You have shown how brave you are tapering off two drugs already, surviving the subsequent withdrawals and now with holding on through this awful setback.  This courage will get you through this last leg of the journey to your healing. I am rooting for you, Soup! ❤️

 

[Go2zero]

Hi Soup, sorry to hear you are still struggling. I went through most of your thread and I think it is hard to say what is causing your symptoms. The antibiotics, the Wellbutrin (possible poop out or adverse reaction), or something else...

 

@j1290 had problems with Wellbutrin after taking it for many years. I think he wrote a great post here yesterday about this.

 

It is hard to say if a Wellbutrin taper will help to make you feel better. But in my opinion you have nothing to loose by doing so. You could start with a small taper of 5%. My own experience and what I see with others tapering Wellbutrin is that there are very often no (or at least not extreme) WD symptoms when still above a dosage of 50-75mg Wellbutrin.

 

Hopefully trying this, will help you. As it also does with @j1290

 

You know how to cut the pills. I sent you a video how to and it is also here 

You can take the cut parts in 3 times, divided over the day. If you really want to go safe, you can divide it over 4 times per day. The advantage of the latter can be that the med dump per dosage (Instant Release instead of Extended Release) is lower than with 3 times per day.

 

This is what I do myself, in order not to get too much of the med at once per dosage taken. Especially as long as long as you will be taking more than 75mg in total per day, that could help. It may feel smoother that way after each dosage. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 15, 2023 by Go2zero

[Fifree]

Hi @Soup I’m so sorry to hear how you’ve been enduring this awful uptick in symptoms. It is really scary to make a change after something has gone wrong, cos the possibility of feeling worse just seems intolerable.
 

@j1290’s thread was the first one I ever read here in SAD back in January this year. At the time I remember thinking « I’ve got to know how this story turns out! ». It was a roller coaster ride! And now it really looks like the story is heading towards a happy ending. He persisted with his careful cuts, and seems to getting fewer symptoms every month.
 

He got off Effexor and is now kicking WellyB to the curb. You got off Lexapro! I’m sure you’ve got this. 

 

All the best to you Soup. 

[RachelSusan]

@Soup I think about you quite often and I'm really glad you posted.  I wish I could answer your question but I don't know the answer.  I am here for you, I care and I hope you keep coming back and let us know how you are doing.  The fact that you have gone though 19 months of hell troubles me deeply.  I hope you can get a break and see some improvement.  One tiny step at a time but hopefully it will add up to more.

 

[Soup]

@Go2zero @wantrelief @RachelSusan @Fifree thank you all so much for your kind words of support . It means so much to me . 

[Soup]

@LostInCanada thank you for your hearts❤️

[LostInCanada]

1 hour ago, Soup said:

@Go2zero @wantrelief @RachelSusan @Fifree thank you all so much for your kind words of support . It means so much to me . 

You have got a dream team on your side. So glad cause without the people this really sucks. 

[Soup]

@Go2zero just wanted your opinion on my cutting of my pill of

the Wellbutrin xl 150 
6am - .068

2pm - .064

10pm - .060 

The original pill weight is .192 

Does this sound ok in your opinion ? 
thanks so much for your time  as always