Moonpie: need help and supporting tapering off of Ativan

[getofflex]

18 hours ago, Moonpie said:

I realized too often in a wave and when WD symptoms are bad, instead of "trying to get through this" I am trying to "get out of it" and run away, just making it harder on myself.  Making me more frantic and escalating my WD. Because just "getting out of it"  isn't possible right now, only going through it. 

This is a good insight, moon pie.  You are right, trying to escape it does add extra stress.  It sounds like you have come to a place of acceptance, which is good.  I'm doing better today, not great, but better, than yesterday, and I'm grateful for that. 

[Moonpie]

I am purposing to hold on to that acceptance.  Bad waves seem to wreck havoc with our thinking and emotions.               "I'm doing better today, not great, but better, than yesterday, and I'm grateful for that."                      I am in the same place as you.           

[getofflex]

16 hours ago, Moonpie said:

Bad waves seem to wreck havoc with our thinking and emotions.

True that.  I hope and pray you come out of this wave soon.  

[Moonpie]

Thank you!

 

[Moonpie]

5 MONTHS OFF OF LEXAPRO UPDATE.    The waves are way less intense I still struggle with them. I am having windows, some really good ones.  A few days I even felt normal and that was a good weird!  I just went around smiling.  Most of windows are wedged in places between waves, they aren't big but they are there.  It is strange as sometimes I have window and a wave together. Or they will just come and go throughout a day.  

 

Symptoms are anxiety, tight chest is a big one, queasiness, no appetite, trouble sleeping, no motivation but I don't feel well,  depression,  stiff and painful neck.  And as improvements are seen my feeling of weakness and exhaustion are worse.  I have to wonder if this isn't a big part of not being able to eat much and poor sleep.  I can wake up in the morning and feel okay at first then as I get ready to get out of bed the tight chest hits. 

 

My sleep is still not great and when I do sleep I don't sleep soundly.  I have lost more weight.  I am concerned about that. I am only 5'3" and down to 117.8 pounds.  I eat when I can and I am eating healthy. Need more vegetables for sure.  I don't know how to get more in me than I can hold LOL.  Smaller more frequent meals don't help as I fill up quick on anything.  Seems most of my being able to eat is after 7 until bedtime and that isn't good.   I have fallen by the wayside or water drinking.  The water I can correct.  I think that has to do with the queasy full feeling too. 

 

I feel I need more magnesium than in my vitamin and my nightly Min Tran but haven't found one that works.  Magnesium glycine doesn't seem to do well with me.  Last time I used it I felt anxiety after taking it.  Magnesium makes me feel groggy in general. 

 

The heat here has been in the high 90's and triple digit. I am noticing that I don't do well in it.  Today  I had a good window, after a morning wave.  Drove to the Dr. and in the heat I began to feel dizzy and and some cloudy weird vision. Ran by the grocery store and am exhausted now that I am home.  I lay but I can't sleep but I am counting that as resting.  I "rest" a lot so I can be able to work when I have to.  

 

I fight the thoughts of , "it's been 5 months, could this be something else" and "am i just old is this the way it's going to be."  Working hard on just riding this out.  But I do so want it to be over and the WHEN question comes up a lot.  There is so much I need to do around my home. 

 

Please don't get me wrong,  I am  very thankful for the progress and relief.  It is way better than I was last month.  Definite improvement.  

[Shep]

10 hours ago, Moonpie said:

Please don't get me wrong,  I am  very thankful for the progress and relief.  It is way better than I was last month.  Definite improvement. 

 

This is exactly what we're looking for, Moonpie. It's the OVERALL improvement. I know you're still struggling, but this is still a good update. Thanks for letting us know. 

[Moonpie]

@Shep thank  you as always for your encouragement.   I have said it before but I feel so fragile.  I remember as a child I loved walking fences.  Ones low enough I could climb upon and a little width so I could try and balance.  My favorites were low fences made of pipe.  Challenging but doable.  Yes strange I know!  LOL  Right now I feel like I am walking a pipe fence, wobbling and unsure.  Feeling as if I might lose my balance at any moment. 

 

I do have a question.  If I am going to try a new supplement, do I do it when I am in a partial window or when I am in a wave?  I hate to mess up a good window and I dread making the wave worse.  

 

The changing symptoms and new ones being added, plus the unpredictability of them makes this so challenging not only physically and emotionally.  Like walking that pipe fence. 

[Moonpie]

Another question as always.   As I heal is it normal to have certain wd symptoms to become more pronounced and in the fore front?

[Shep]

16 hours ago, Moonpie said:

I do have a question.  If I am going to try a new supplement, do I do it when I am in a partial window or when I am in a wave?  I hate to mess up a good window and I dread making the wave worse.  

 

You may want to wait until you have a stable enough baseline to recognize any possible upticks in symptoms as being unrelated to withdrawal and solely due to the supplement.  As long as you start with a very low dose of a supplement, you should be okay to test the waters once you know your baseline. 

 

But if you're seeing more window then wave activity, you may want to avoid adding anything in and let your mind/body continue on with the overall improvements.

 

The walking-a-fence analogy is spot on for this experience! 

[Moonpie]

Thank you  @Shep for always taking the time to answer and care.

[Tweet]

12 hours ago, Shep said:

 

You may want to wait until you have a stable enough baseline to recognize any possible upticks in symptoms as being unrelated to withdrawal and solely due to the supplement.  As long as you start with a very low dose of a supplement, you should be okay to test the waters once you know your baseline. 

 

But if you're seeing more window then wave activity, you may want to avoid adding anything in and let your mind/body continue on with the overall improvements.

 

The walking-a-fence analogy is spot on for this experience! 

I totally agree with Shep!

[getofflex]

On 7/27/2021 at 6:29 PM, Moonpie said:

The heat here has been in the high 90's and triple digit. I am noticing that I don't do well in it.

This could very well be playing into your WD symptoms.  I don't do well with heat either.  

 

On 7/27/2021 at 6:29 PM, Moonpie said:

I lay but I can't sleep but I am counting that as resting

That's good.  Resting is helpful and restorative as well.  

 

On 7/27/2021 at 6:29 PM, Moonpie said:

I fight the thoughts of , "it's been 5 months, could this be something else" and "am i just old is this the way it's going to be."  Working hard on just riding this out.  But I do so want it to be over and the WHEN question comes up a lot. 

Five months out is not really long at all when it comes to AD WD.  Our nervous systems are incredibly complex, and they are intricately intertwined with all the systems in our body.

 

As Shep said, overall you are improving, and this is a great sign!  You are healing, and you will continue to heal, as long as you take care of yourself, which it sounds like you are.  

 

On 7/28/2021 at 1:35 PM, Moonpie said:

 As I heal is it normal to have certain wd symptoms to become more pronounced and in the fore front?

Absolutely.  This is a strange and scary process, isn't it.  

 

 Check out this video - it goes into how WD is very strange and counter intuitive.  

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

[Tweet]

On 7/27/2021 at 6:29 PM, Moonpie said:

5 MONTHS OFF OF LEXAPRO UPDATE.    The waves are way less intense I still struggle with them. I am having windows, some really good ones.  A few days I even felt normal and that was a good weird!  I just went around smiling.  Most of windows are wedged in places between waves, they aren't big but they are there.  It is strange as sometimes I have window and a wave together. Or they will just come and go throughout a day.  

 

Symptoms are anxiety, tight chest is a big one, queasiness, no appetite, trouble sleeping, no motivation but I don't feel well,  depression,  stiff and painful neck.  And as improvements are seen my feeling of weakness and exhaustion are worse.  I have to wonder if this isn't a big part of not being able to eat much and poor sleep.  I can wake up in the morning and feel okay at first then as I get ready to get out of bed the tight chest hits. 

 

My sleep is still not great and when I do sleep I don't sleep soundly.  I have lost more weight.  I am concerned about that. I am only 5'3" and down to 117.8 pounds.  I eat when I can and I am eating healthy. Need more vegetables for sure.  I don't know how to get more in me than I can hold LOL.  Smaller more frequent meals don't help as I fill up quick on anything.  Seems most of my being able to eat is after 7 until bedtime and that isn't good.   I have fallen by the wayside or water drinking.  The water I can correct.  I think that has to do with the queasy full feeling too. 

 

I feel I need more magnesium than in my vitamin and my nightly Min Tran but haven't found one that works.  Magnesium glycine doesn't seem to do well with me.  Last time I used it I felt anxiety after taking it.  Magnesium makes me feel groggy in general. 

 

The heat here has been in the high 90's and triple digit. I am noticing that I don't do well in it.  Today  I had a good window, after a morning wave.  Drove to the Dr. and in the heat I began to feel dizzy and and some cloudy weird vision. Ran by the grocery store and am exhausted now that I am home.  I lay but I can't sleep but I am counting that as resting.  I "rest" a lot so I can be able to work when I have to.  

 

I fight the thoughts of , "it's been 5 months, could this be something else" and "am i just old is this the way it's going to be."  Working hard on just riding this out.  But I do so want it to be over and the WHEN question comes up a lot.  There is so much I need to do around my home. 

 

Please don't get me wrong,  I am  very thankful for the progress and relief.  It is way better than I was last month.  Definite improvement.  

Hi Moonpie. I found that things (like magnesium)  would work for awhile and then later would give a different effect probably because my CNS was changing all the time as it healed, so I had to sort of change along with it and leave supplements or whatever was no longer helpful behind.  Healing is all about changing and shifting constantly to feel the best you can for TODAY.

Example: min tran stopped anxiety but after awhile caused depression. Magnesium worked for awhile with sleep, then caused sleeplessness.

Coffee with caffeine was a trigger in the early months, but quelled the morning extreme anxiety like a dream. Very weird stuff, but what isn't strange about the effects of withdrawal? 

Your night problems are so like mine were! And no good sleep is hard. I used to think about things all night while "sleeping". And each morning was torturous anxiety. 

Weight wise I was emaciated and it was very hard to eat,but I did like you eat healthy.

You are totally on track. Just hang in there. I'm rooting for you!😘

 

 

 

[Moonpie]

Thank you Tweet for your encouragement and sharing!!   Yes I am finding that with supplements too.  I used to take Cenitol for sleep but it has magnesium glycine which makes things worse now.  So far Min-tran is okay and helps some nights.  I also use magnesium oil before I go to bed.  With the food and supplement sensitivities I feel like a little land mind buried in a field.  I never know when or what will make me go off! I looked back to before I went of Lex completely and I there were all kinds of things I was eating that I can't now. I know I am healing and with more windows, when I have a bad day I just tell myself - This isn't forever it will pass.

15 hours ago, Tweet said:

Healing is all about changing and shifting constantly to feel the best you can for TODAY.

I love this it is so true!  I new way to look at it.  And that is what I am trying to do. 

 

15 hours ago, Tweet said:

Coffee with caffeine was a trigger in the early months, but quelled the morning extreme anxiety like a dream.

I would LOVE to have my morning tea back with caffeine but am too cowardly to try it again.  It was my one vice LOL.  How did you decided to try it again. 

 

15 hours ago, Tweet said:

Your night problems are so like mine were! And no good sleep is hard. I used to think about things all night while "sleeping". And each morning was torturous anxiety. 

My nights are just not being able to fall asleep and when I can, like I said, it isn't a deep restful sleep.  I am finding when I have a good day I have trouble sleeping at night. I never know what I will wake up to. I can wake up fine laying in bed and before I get up I feel the tight chest and anxiety.  It is more in the morning now.  Take care!!!

[Tweet]

6 minutes ago, Moonpie said:

Thank you Tweet for your encouragement and sharing!!   Yes I am finding that with supplements too.  I used to take Cenitol for sleep but it has magnesium glycine which makes things worse now.  So far Min-tran is okay and helps some nights.  I also use magnesium oil before I go to bed.  With the food and supplement sensitivities I feel like a little land mind buried in a field.  I never know when or what will make me go off! I looked back to before I went of Lex completely and I there were all kinds of things I was eating that I can't now. I know I am healing and with more windows, when I have a bad day I just tell myself - This isn't forever it will pass.

I love this it is so true!  I new way to look at it.  And that is what I am trying to do. 

 

I would LOVE to have my morning tea back with caffeine but am too cowardly to try it again.  It was my one vice LOL.  How did you decided to try it again. 

 

My nights are just not being able to fall asleep and when I can, like I said, it isn't a deep restful sleep.  I am finding when I have a good day I have trouble sleeping at night. I never know what I will wake up to. I can wake up fine laying in bed and before I get up I feel the tight chest and anxiety.  It is more in the morning now.  Take care!!!

Basically desperation encouraged me to try coffee, which I never would have done in the early months of wd. I tried caffeine to help lift my depression. Then found the anxiety disappeared when I drank it. For tea, The coffee had not worked and I was crying constantly while on vacation with my husband so I tried caffeinated tea and it lifted and calmed my crying jags and anxiety. It is a different feeling from coffee caffeine. Alert but calm. Still notice this.

Glad you are chugging along. Aside from salvation,  nothing is forever in this world. ( A good thing, in our case) It will pass. 🙂

 

 

 

[getofflex]

2 hours ago, Moonpie said:

My nights are just not being able to fall asleep and when I can, like I said, it isn't a deep restful sleep.  I am finding when I have a good day I have trouble sleeping at night.

I know the feeling.  Lack of sleep was my biggest issue in withdrawal as well.  It is very challenging.  I'm sorry that your sleep isn't restful.  I used to also have the issue where if I felt good and had energy that day, I was still energetic at night and couldn't sleep.  It's frustrating.  Slowly, that is starting to abate.  I spent some time on google researching circadian rhythm, and found some tips for how to have a better circadian rhythm.  Some things are exercising in the morning, being active during the day and resting a few hours before bedtime, keep lights dim at night, be outside in the sun during the day, avoid stimulating movies/books and electronic screens at night, keeping the bedroom cool and dark at night.  This sleep stuff does gradually improve with time.  Praying for you.  🙏

[Moonpie]

Thank you getofflex!  That was a really good idea. I will try to focus on the more. I  I watched a YouTube video the other day that said we need to be in bed by 10:30 no later.   Earlier if possible. Our circadian rhythm goes in cycles and if you miss that cycle then then you have to wait an hour or 2 till the next one comes.   I'm working on that. I have found when I'm feeling really bad I just end up staying up.   Not much sleep last night,  tight chest, anxiety, depression and crying.   Yesterday I didn't have any symptoms dumbs are there not being able to sleep that night. I. So thankful.. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement.

[brassmonkey]

Normal bodily cycles are fine for people with normal bodies. People experiencing ADWD are not in this category. Our bodies and all the systems/cycles in them have been chemically altered and are trying to return to center (normal). Until that happens all of our cycles will have a mind of their own.

 

Insomnia or sleep problems are one of the biggest concerns we get here. Lack of sleep and erratic sleep patterns cause members an undue amount of stress, which in turn causes more sleeplessness. During ADWD sleep becomes a catch as catch can proposition. The simple act of going to bed when tired can cause a person not to sleep. There are times, when struggling with sleep, that it is best to just lean back close your eyes and let it happen where ever your are. My recliner was the best friend I had. While working on the PC or watching television, if the urge hit I would just lay back and go for it. It didn't matter the time of day or what was going on because sleep was more important. When things settled then going to bed was no problem.

 

The idea of getting a solid 8 hours of sleep, "early to bed, early to rise" and the associated sleep problems it creates can be traced back to the late 1700's. The start of the "Industrial Revolution" is pinned to 1774. Life started to move from the natural cycles of farm life to the forced cycles of factory life. People were now forced to fit schedule and not do what was natural.

 

Research has shown that the natural sleep cycle is actually 4, 3, 4, 13. With the 13 sometimes being broken up with naps. The first 4 hours are triggered by the setting sun causing the body to release melatonin. A few hours later a person wakes up to check on the animals, make sure the "camp" is secure/safe, do some light house work, eat a snack and head back to sleep. Waking up again around dawn when the day begins.

 

However, for the safety of the "tribe" not all members kept this schedule. Some naturally would be awake during the dark hours to keep watch. They would then take their turn sleeping during the day. It is a quite natural pattern, but one that does not fit in the "industrial schedule". Many people who have this sleep pattern struggle with it daily as they try to fit in to society.

 

My wife and myself are two of these people. My natural pattern is 1:30am to 10am and hers is 5am to 1pm. It caused a great many problems when we were working jobs that started at 5 or 6am. Now that we are retired and can follow our natural patterns life is so much better.

 

It is much better for a person to find their natural cycle, what ever it is, than to try and force themselves into the artificial cycle imposed on us by society. It is hard to do and maintain employment, but there are often options. If a person is "at leisure" (unemployed) during ADWD it is to their advantage to learn and work with their natural sleep cycle than to try and force things into what we are told to be the norm.

[Moonpie]

Wow!  Thank you Brassmonkey!   That was very informative. I did I didn't know hardly any of that!   It makes a lot of sense. There are times I could go to sleep and I don't waiting for "bedtime".   I am going to put this in the practice. I am going to add this to the ideas @getofflexshared. My body won't let me nap during the day but I do lay down and rest when I can. Last night was my 5th night of very poor sleep. . I guess I try to work my sleep around knowing when I have to get up and go to work that day, and I work some afternoons.  I know I do stress over whether or not I will be physically able to work the next day.  I am finding things that help me sleep during my tapering do not work with WD since I went off Lexapro. Maybe a night or 2 or it makes it worse.  Like @Tweetsaid this happens with supplements during WD.  . I appreciate your support and help @brassmonkey @Tweet @getofflex!   Like I am learning more and more with  this,  sometimes there's nothing I can do but just go through it but it's the path to healing.

[Moonpie]

Still in a wave.  It seems to be intensifying instead of resolving.  I am a combination of Tigger and Alice in Wonderland.  I am bouncing around sometimes very rapidly with different symptoms and intensities.  And I keep finding myself in a new and frightening place even moment by moment.  

 

I am noticing that my symptoms are narrowing down to certain ones.  Main ones are severe neck pain and stiffness especially after sitting. Any ideas why this might make it worse?

 Tight chest (this has been really bad), anxiety, extreme exhaustion, and occasional  dizziness or iffy stomach with no appetite. Depression has gotten really bad.  It was more of a background symptom before. 

 

I can't remember the name but just feeling no excitement or pleasure in life.  No motivation, not interest.  God has done some really amazing things recently that in the past would send me over the moon,  but while I am happy there isn't that pleasure in them.

 

I am also seeing somewhat  of a pattern - I am keeping a journal and a chart of symptoms and their intensity daily.  Not to be negative but to see my improvement.  It seems when a new month being off Lexapro begins there are so really good windows then after about a week or so the WD ramps up. 

 

Fighting off the thoughts that this is something else, it can't be withdrawal...  The symptoms continue to be in less intensity for which I am thankful,  but still suffering.  

 

I have decided I have an in-between of waves and windows.   I am having WAVDO'S.   When WD eases but it still isn't a window.  And WINAVE'S. When they symptoms very mild or not present,  but there is still and mild under current of anxiety.   One day a little over a week ago, I had a day with no symptoms!  I still was weak and tired but the major symptoms weren't there. 

 

It's as if my body is playing a game with me, using one of those spinners in old children's games.  It spins and I never know where it will hit,  or how long that "turn" will last in WD, window or wave.  

Have been sleeping with less nights of no sleep right now. But as one member described it (sorry I can't remember who) it is tense sleep. 

 

I am not even thinking about tapering Buspar . . .  well I am but not until this is resolved.  I do have a concern as how being on the Buspar longer before I taper and how much more difficult it will be when I do taper.  It has been almost 5 years now.  

 

[getofflex]

(((((Moonpie))))).  I'm so sorry to hear you are going through all this chaos.  Believe me, I understand, I've been there.  I used to compare mine like being on a wild unpredictable roller coaster ride.  I'm glad to hear that God has been doing some good things in your life!  That is called anhedonia, when we can't feel genuine pleasure or happiness in things.  It goes away.  Unfortunately the positive emotions take a while to return, but return they will.

 

LOL at wavedos and winaves.   I have the same type of thing myself.  I have some symptoms, not bad enough to be a wave. Our nervous systems are extremely complex.  Sometimes one subsystem has to shut itself off temporarily in order to work on repairing another subsystem.  Have you seen the video that compares recovery to a Rubik's cube.  Finding the solution is very circuitous and involves many twists and turns.  Here is the video: 

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

Hang in there, it's a crazy ride, but eventually things will settle down. I'm glad you are not worried about getting off the Buspar yet.  Take it one step at a time.  I'm praying for you!  Take care. 

 

[Moonpie]

I have a question, I am noticing that as this progresses, after going off lexapro, I finallyself being weaker and having less energy is this normal?

[Tweet]

1 hour ago, Moonpie said:

I have a question, I am noticing that as this progresses, after going off lexapro, I finallyself being weaker and having less energy is this normal?

Totally normal. For me the prozac gave me an artificial energy that I have never regained. That's  ok though. Of you're like me your energy will drop for months and then real energy will very slowly come back.

Also, the anxiety can sap everything you have in terms of energy for the day very quickly. My anxiety made me so energy-less it was a challenge to do just about anything. I had to go into act of the will mode to get anything done. Take care of yourself, exercise(as hard as it may be) and eat right.

As my anxiety improved, energy rose. Hope this helps Moonpie!❤️

[Shep]

And I'll add to Tweet's wise reply that you may also be dealing with battle fatigue from being sick for so long. It's like carrying a 5-pound weight while running a marathon. The first mile it may not feel so heavy, but by mile 5, mile 10, mile 15, it feels like you're carrying 100 pounds!

 

But the good news is you're building up strength. By the end of the withdrawal journey, you'll be incredibly strong. Many of us come out the other side feeling like we're stronger than we ever were before going on these drugs. 

[Tweet]

On 8/9/2021 at 9:35 AM, Moonpie said:

Still in a wave.  It seems to be intensifying instead of resolving.  I am a combination of Tigger and Alice in Wonderland.  I am bouncing around sometimes very rapidly with different symptoms and intensities.  And I keep finding myself in a new and frightening place even moment by moment.  

 

I am noticing that my symptoms are narrowing down to certain ones.  Main ones are severe neck pain and stiffness especially after sitting. Any ideas why this might make it worse?

 Tight chest (this has been really bad), anxiety, extreme exhaustion, and occasional  dizziness or iffy stomach with no appetite. Depression has gotten really bad.  It was more of a background symptom before. 

 

I can't remember the name but just feeling no excitement or pleasure in life.  No motivation, not interest.  God has done some really amazing things recently that in the past would send me over the moon,  but while I am happy there isn't that pleasure in them.

 

I am also seeing somewhat  of a pattern - I am keeping a journal and a chart of symptoms and their intensity daily.  Not to be negative but to see my improvement.  It seems when a new month being off Lexapro begins there are so really good windows then after about a week or so the WD ramps up. 

 

Fighting off the thoughts that this is something else, it can't be withdrawal...  The symptoms continue to be in less intensity for which I am thankful,  but still suffering.  

 

I have decided I have an in-between of waves and windows.   I am having WAVDO'S.   When WD eases but it still isn't a window.  And WINAVE'S. When they symptoms very mild or not present,  but there is still and mild under current of anxiety.   One day a little over a week ago, I had a day with no symptoms!  I still was weak and tired but the major symptoms weren't there. 

 

It's as if my body is playing a game with me, using one of those spinners in old children's games.  It spins and I never know where it will hit,  or how long that "turn" will last in WD, window or wave.  

Have been sleeping with less nights of no sleep right now. But as one member described it (sorry I can't remember who) it is tense sleep. 

 

I am not even thinking about tapering Buspar . . .  well I am but not until this is resolved.  I do have a concern as how being on the Buspar longer before I taper and how much more difficult it will be when I do taper.  It has been almost 5 years now.  

 

So sorry you are suffering Moonpie. After my waves I got horrible neck and shoulder pain and many times had to go to the chiropractor/massage.

This process is brutal on the body!

I thought I would never feel the desire and enjoyment of several hobbies/activities again. I had no feelings of pleasure--just all the negative feelings and emotions for a long time. But this passed after a long time. 

Just be careful not to focus too much on the symptoms. Try to surf the top of the waves and keep your eyes on the beach!

One day you'll join many here for a celebration there😉🍹🏖️

 

[Tweet]

2 hours ago, Shep said:

And I'll add to Tweet's wise reply that you may also be dealing with battle fatigue from being sick for so long. It's like carrying a 5-pound weight while running a marathon. The first mile it may not feel so heavy, but by mile 5, mile 10, mile 15, it feels like you're carrying 100 pounds!

 

But the good news is you're building up strength. By the end of the withdrawal journey, you'll be incredibly strong. Many of us come out the other side feeling like we're stronger than we ever were before going on these drugs. 

Great analogy. And SO true!

 

[Moonpie]

@Tweet @Shep thank you for cheering me on and the encouragement.  It gets pretty dark in my little withdrawal box here. Your ray's of light are a blessing. I do go to the chiropractor but he finds nothing that can be attributed to my neck pain.  It is pretty much all the time.   Worse after I sit especially at a desk.  I have had a few days where it was mild or almost gone. That tells me it is wd. For sure.  I have 2 gift certificates for  a  massage I got for Christmas last year. Plan to use my 1st this  Saturday.. A little  concerned how it may affect me. This has been Wave has been worsening  and been rough, but I still have to say  It is not as bad as in the past. It is kind of knocked me down. I went with my daughter and grandsons to lunch yesterday and shopping for most of the day .I couldn't believe how tired I got and last night was hard with My symptoms intensifying. We had not gone out in 3 years and I didn't I didn't want to just not try it.  Shep your analogy was perfect that is exactly how I feel. I'm thinking I'm at the 100 pound weight but who knows. I am weary . I was thinking that the other day. I've been takpering drugs for 5 years. I only took  Yeah I'm 8 months or starting to taper the 1st one.  Knowing that I am actually building strength that will be stronger urges me on. Right now I just lay in bed, I can't sleep, but at least my body is resting until time to go to work or go do something. When I was in a window and they were coming on and off more frequently I thought,  "When the next wave comes I will realize this will pass and a window will come" but now I am in a long wave  all that went out the window - pardon the pun lol.  Not sleeping well adds to the problems.. Your encouragement may not take the symptoms away but it certainly blesses my heart and helps me push on. I'm working hard I'm not focusing on the symptoms and accepting them. But when they are intense that is definitely a struggle. Something I really need to keep in mind is that there is an end and I will be OK, no matter how it feels right now  there will be an end and things will be OK. Even though it feels like it this will not be forever.

[Moonpie]

@Shep @Altostrata have question. I would appreciate your wisdom and advice.  It is just my mind seeking relief in this wave, but I was wondering. Is there any drug that can be switched out with the buspar.   It has never done me any good. And  above this dose I got the shakes and anxiety worse. The only reason I am on it is that when she told me to cold turkey after a few weeks that I went to withdraw and she said oh it was doing me more good when we thought go back on it. I don't want to upset my Apple cart or make things worse but my little tortured brain is thinking maybe there is something I switch with buspar and taper off of it after this that will actually help with the lexapro withdrawal.. To be honest I am scared because I don't want to make things worse. And will anything really be able to "switch" with it.   I don't want to hinder my brain from healing, or mask my body with the healing that's doing now.  I am wondering if xanax would work.  I was on it and switched to ativan. I also know it may not work or it may kindle.  I also  understand that buspar is in a class of its own as far as the drugs and there are no others like it. I really hate to gamble with this. Dont want to mess up my progress. Thank you for your help.

[Surviving82]

@Moonpie, I am so sorry to hear that you are in a wave! I am in a wave too, and after a long-ish window (at least 2 weeks, maybe closer to 3) it feels tortuous. For the past 3 days, I am constantly ruminating with the thoughts of starting some kind of medication. I think that it is normal to have these thoughts when we feel bad, we just want some relief! With that being said, it is probably best to not start or change anything and just wait it out. I am not an expert by any stretch, but I think that nobody knows how you'd react to the medication change. As you know, adding extra meds can upset us even further so it may not be worth the risk? This is what I have been telling myself for the past few days as well. No matter how bad I am feeling now, adding a med can always make it much worse. Even if it helps, getting full benefit may take several weeks, by then I may well already be in the next window. So it is probably best to just sit it out, which I know is not ideal but oh well... I do hope that you feel better very soon!

[Moonpie]

 Thank you Survivng82!  You are absolutely right. I just had to have someone say it to my little frazzled little Brain.   I know what you mean about the thoughts and that was what this was. I am so sorry to hear you are in a wave too. Torturous is the perfect word to describe it. Thank you for clearing my thoughts. I knew I shouldn't but there's there's that "just maybe" thought? Lol.  The Lord is definitely teaching me how to suffer patiently.   I'm not at the top of His class but I am  Learning. Still rather a reluctant student.   I am just laying in bed resting until I need to go to the chiropractor.  I just rest and work.  2 jobs tomorrow and 1 friday.  I try not to push  it in between jobs. But there is so much I need to do in my own home and I feel very lazy.. But I know this is all I can do right now and she'll be able to work. Please take care and thank you for replying.  Hoping you will have a window very soon

[Altostrata]

@Moonpie when did you start taking Buspar at your current dosage and daily schedule? What is your current drug schedule, with times o'clock you take each of your drugs, with their dosages?

 

How do you feel each day before and after you take each of your drugs?

[Moonpie]

I started taking the buspar in 2016.  2.5 am - around 8 or 9. and pm. - whenever I can lay down anytime between 9:30 and midnight.  Rarely later.  I split it because 5 mg all at once gave me anxiety and the shakes

[Altostrata]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

What is your current drug schedule, with times o'clock you take each of your drugs, with their dosages?

 

How do you feel each day before and after you take each of your drugs?

 

[Moonpie]

2.5mg - around 8:00  or 9:00 am, and  2.5 mg 9:30 pm to midnight depending when I can lay down and go to sleep.  

Buspar is the only one I am on now. I quit Lexapro 2-2021 and am still in WD. I don't see any difference in how I feel when I take either dose.  It never worked for me from the beginning

 

 

[Altostrata]

We cannot tell you what drug to substitute. If you want to go off, see Tips for tapering off buspirone (Buspar)

 

Many people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

[Moonpie]

Thank you Altosrata.   I plan on going off of it also. It will be my 3rd drug, to taper but I have to wait until the withdrawals  settle with going off the Lexapro. I think I will continue to soldier through without adding anything else.