apollo556: Surviving Prozac withdrawal

[apollo556]

day 21 update 

 

this morning started out "iffy". turned out to be a fantastic day for symptom relief. plenty of good energy without being too anxious. also the first day i did not require a nap on my lunch break. 

 

positive day aside, i'm realistic in that progress is somewhat back and forth with gradual improvement. in other words, tomorrow may suck, lol. 

[Marmot]

Hey Apollo,

 

Ya, recovery seems to be up and down and all over the place. Glad to hear though that this withdrawal is easier on you than the benzo one. I hope that tomorrow goes well for you .

 

Cheers,

Marmot 

[Littlegrandma]

Fantastic news Apollo 

im rooting for you. 

I appreciate your time and advice. You’ve given me a lot to think about. You’ve given me hope and a little peace of mind tonight. 

Thank you so much.  Lg

[apollo556]

thank you Marmont

 

LittleG, i remember scouring forums for answers, reading stories and getting some great advice. it does however take an emotional and mental toll processing all the info. take breaks and meditate or rest inbetween. 

[Littlegrandma]

Yes. I think I’m getting myself worked up and burnt out. My husband just told me I need to put the phone down. I agree. Good advice from both of you. 

 

I know andy can’t predict how a taper will effect me. I’m grasping at straws. I’m not looking for permission either. Ultimately, I know it’s my choice. But I do want advice from Andy,Bubble, Shep,  you, and all who have lived it. I just know my body. I’ve been through addiction and wd. This is a whole different ballgame. 

 

[apollo556]

day 23

 

now we're talking! i continue to improve and have longer periods of being relatively asymptomatic. even on the best days there is still that little inkling of discord somewhere in my body or mind though. i'm still very cautious but my guard is coming down and my faith is going up. and then there's sugar!!...over-indulgence once again caught up with me. it's way too stimulating to my still hypersensitive body. i do however suffer less and recover much quicker from it than i did earlier in wthdrawal. i'll be persuing a low carb/no sugar diet again starting today. 

 

for many years before psych meds til now, i have suffered with undiagnosed chronic fatigue issues. unable to diagnose or treat, it's  probably why docs pushed the benzos and ssri's on me. since doing better with prozac withdrawal i'm now able to devote more attention to a bacterial/yeast imbalance in my gut that i believe responsible for my now 20 year battle with chronic fatigue symptoms. no longer do i worry so much about being able to distinguish those symptoms from withdrawal or drug side effects. well, i'm going to take that road to healing just as slowly and carefully as i did my tapering off psychiatric meds.

 

 

[AliG]

At day 23 ~ I think it's a little too early to call it a success story ~ let's give it another 6 -12 months and see how you are going. I believe you have made an error, in not reinstating just a very small amount and even though you are feeling good now,  your fast taper may come back to bite you, in the future. I hope it doesn't, but I'm wary of your cold turkey plan. It's not really a plan and it's not why we are here ~ we are all about a safe, harm reduction method.

 

You haven't tapered in a safe way ~ in effect, you have jumped off from a high dose. It's inadvisable, particularly when you have information to the contrary.

 

3 hours ago, apollo556 said:

well, i'm going to take that road to healing just as slowly and carefully as i did my tapering off psychiatric med

 

 I'm sorry ~ you did not taper as carefully as we would usually advise.

[apollo556]

i'm well aware of all you say, AliG. i don't recall ever saying i'm a "success" story though like everyone here i very much would like to be one. in fact today after my post i went through a wave which still lingers. i always equally report the negative. i'm sorry, is it not ok to report how i'm feeling because my taper schedule was not advised? should i wait 6 - 12 months to do so?

 

taking it day by day which is how i live through this does not mean living in apprehension for the next several months. 

 

it is my story, my history, and my introduction as it just happens to be. 

 

i would never recommend my taper schedule here. 

 

 

 

 

[apollo556]

i require no responses to my last posting. i'm respectfully taking a break. will be keeping my waves and windows experiences to myself and those who know me best. checking out....

[RealMe]

On 11/26/2017 at 6:37 AM, AliG said:

This is very early days , which is what we keep trying to tell you ~ if you reinstate a small amount in  the realm of 1-5 mg , then you may be able to take the edge off withdrawal symptoms : if you don't and your doctor advises a higher amount or a different drug to counter- act the effects of the first drug ~ then , that may be far too much!

 

Can I tell you that I went 9 months without a problem before protracted withdrawal hit? I felt euphoric, too. Now, it's nearly 4 years later!

After 9 months, how did you know it was protracted withdrawal and not depression?

[RealMe]

Hi Apollo556,

I hope you will continue to post your progress.  I have been following you and am very interested in your prozac experience.  I am stabilizing on 10 mg. and plan to taper in a couple of months so your input is invaluable to me and I'm sure others.  I try to take comments scientifically, not personally, though that is tough to do at times considering how emotionally fragile I can be at times.  It amazes me how invested in a good outcome the moderators here are.  They do not claim to be doctors.  I hope the best for you, and for my selfish purposes and benefit, I hope you continue to share your prozac experience on this forum.

[Littlegrandma]

Me too Apollo. Love to hear how you’re doing. You were a great help to me when I needed a friend!  Lg

[apollo556]

i'm still around, lol. really needed the break to get through the holidays. and i'm sorry to anyone that was looking forward to an update sooner. 

 

it's been 48 days with no prozac or anything. it's been hard and has damn near scared me to death a few times.

 

it seemed i was doing well up until around 12/9. i just started get antsier by the day but still had some ok days here and there. then on 12/20 i started getting flu-like. 'tis the season for the flu so it could have been just that and not prozac withdrawal related. i'm sure my already weakened body handled it worse than it normally would though. it was hell, the body ache alone was enough to have me crying for 3 days straight. after the aches subsided, i could barely walk or drive. no apetite either. i suspect there was more at play than a virus because hardcore depression followed. depression was NEVER a symptom i owned prior to drugs and because of that it was hard for me to understand and navigate through it. it's simple how i felt...i woke up the day before Christmas Eve 12/23 after getting a slight break from the "flu" and i wanted to die. i was stuck in a depressive dimension and could not find a way to let the sunlight in. thoughts of doom for 4 hours. it passed eventually and left me scarred because it happened the next morning too! it seems like it's gone for now but i'm having more than a little PTSD from it all. 

 

the symptom cycling is so similar to my previous benzo withdrawal, only a lighter version. it's still filled with the potential to worsen but i don't see it ever getting as bad. i will be most vigilant. doc appointment coming on 1/5, thank goodness so i can share. 

 

i'm still hopeful the turning point is just around the corner. hopeful me says this has to let up soon and cautious me says it will end someday but not without many more struggles ahead. 

 

guys and gals, don't taper too fast like i did. 

 

frequency of brain zaps and muscle twitches have reduced so much. physical symptoms getting better while mental getting worse. really i can't say anything is better or worse, just that some old symptoms are replaced by new and switch back and forth by the day, sometimes by the hour or minute. still able to put up a false front and muddle through work. 

 

 

[apollo556]

hi all. thought it's time for an update. anxiety is more manageable with each passing week. i'm somewhere between 9 and 10 weeks drug free. seems like sensitivity to sounds and flinching at all noises has reduced greatly. brain zaps happen maybe 10 times per day whereas before it was non-stop all day. i do feel stronger overall but there still have been many days of going back and forth. the WORST of my symptoms now is depression. i have to repeat: "depression was never a symptom i owned prior to drugs." like the darkest, dreariest cloud of hopelessness in a dull, colorless world. it's almost ridiculous how pronounced the feeling is. like everything else it moves on then returns later usually not as strong as before. i don't think any depression could ever top my experience on 12/23 and 12/24. so i have a simple mantra i repeat until it passes: "be happy, be positive". it really helps and then i just busy myself until the menace slithers away. 

 

in summary, my withdrawal is still very difficult at times. but it does get easier and i feel more confidence when i remember where i started from. i just wish it got easier faster...selfish me, lol. i'm kind of excited my 3-months will be coming soon. for some reason that's a huge milestone for me. i know i won't be fully recovered by then but i had my sights on that marker since the beginning. pretty good since i barely survived the first 2 weeks. 

 

almost forgot to add....i've lost 10 pounds these last 9 weeks. i'm not quite near the weight i was before starting meds in 2013 but it's close enough. my total weight loss since i began weaning off is 41 lbs. hooray!!

[TreeElf]

Hi apollo, 

I've been reading through your thread and really interested in your journey. You have a great, positive attitude that I hope you continue to nurture. I stopped Prozac completely 4 months ago, after a 9 months taper that was too fast at the end (I didn't know about the 10% rule and protracted withdrawal back then). 

Things were relatively difficult for the first few weeks but manageable, I have had horrific experiences with ct withdrawal in past years so expected to be heavily challenged, and had done two years of 'mind prep' and lifestyle overhaul before beginning  withdrawal a year ago. 

It wasn't until December that things took a scary turn. Then a few windows, then even more terrifying depression, ocd, panic attacks and stuff that borders on psychosis symptoms. This morning I had a panic attack so bad I had to cover my mouth from screaming, I felt like I was being dragged through hell. Yet, this evening I'm sort of numbed. I had to reinstate at 2mg two days ago as I am becoming non functioning and have some unavoidable personal responsibilities at the moment (helping out a family member who is ill). 

So I'm hoping the reinstatement will take the edge off. I thought the worst of it had happened but these last two weeks are a whole new level of hell, I can't begin to even fathom that kind of horror, yet it reappears. I look forward to reading your progress, I have a history of severe OCD since my teens so this may have added to my symptoms as well as stress. There are indeed people who have got away with moderate symptoms during withdrawal, and I hope you continue to stabilize. All the best x

[apollo556]

hi Abbeyelfie. i really appreciate you sharing your journey with me too. i too really didn't know about the recommended taper schedule until after i made up my mind to go cold turkey. even though i was informed shortly after my last dose that i could reinstate and taper slowly, i wanted to see how long i could hang on. and i've been muddling along ever since. it's like getting sucker punched when you feel like you're slowly approaching wellness only be dragged down by some hideous anxiety or depressive attack. today and last night i had episodes where my body was so weak to walk and my hands were shaking so bad it was hard to eat. plus my neck was vibrating! then it passed and i went out grocery shopping for 2 hours with just a hint of anxiety in the background. today i could feel depression brewing but it never sufaced. 

 

i had major ocd tendencies on prozac (which i thought it's supposed to help with) and those are drifting away. i was driving family and co-workers nuts these past few years because things had to be a certain way or it made me very upset. now i'm slowly getting more of a "whatever" attitude. 

 

lately eating has not been a pleasure but a necessity. i love it when i have cravings and savor my food but recently i'm just eating because i know i have too. i went through this on benzo withdrawal and it's nowhere close to that hell so i manage. i guess it's kind of like that with all my symptoms...i compare them to benzo withdrawals and then decide i can survive it because it's not as intense for me. 

 

how did your mind/ body react to reinstatement? i've many times fantasized about being wrapped in the cozy and safe blanket that was prozac. sometimes i swear it's calling to me. but it's not for me now as i feel i still have strength to put more distance between myself and the day i went cold turkey. but geez, if it struck you hard 4 months later, my 3 month goal might not be the accomplishment i'm hoping for. 

 

i am so sorry the episodes took there toll on you. but guess what?...we're still here and kicking. 2mgs sounds like a great plan. it's not too much and hopefully is just enough so that a taper from there won't be too lengthy or difficult. please continue to share with me. i may join you in reinstatement someday or end up surviving withdrawal without having too. chin up!...we can do this by whatever means necessary. 🙂

 

[Rosetta]

Hi.  You might be interested in a thread about someone who didn't know about WD until the 5th or 6th month, and by then it was too risky to reinstate, but if I had known what I was in for in months 7-9 I might have tried.  I don't know; it's possible that could have been worse.  The true horror in real time isn't set out on my thread, but it is on others' threads.  I'm sure someone here could direct you to a person who chronicled the deepest darkest WD symptoms like I had in real time.  I had cut another med CT 6 years earlier.  There's a theory of kindling -- that a use and stop of a med earlier can set one up for a world of hurt after the next CT or quick taper.  It might be something for you to consider especially as you are having a lot of symptoms right now.  There's a thread on the theory somewhere here.  You have a couple of weeks until the 3 month window (for a reinstatement to be less risky) is up.  Good luck.

[apollo556]

thanks rosetta. it's not easy at all but i'm functioning daily, able to work full time, and make it through the rougher patches. i think the process of healing will be lengthy for sure. because symptoms are reducing more than worsening, no reinstatement at this time seems the most logical path for the moment. i'm extremely vigilant and keep a daily journal. the unknown sucks and the kindling situation has definitely been in the back of my mind. i would be most concerned if i had no symptoms. i see the symptoms now as a sign of my body recaliberating, resetting, balancing, etc.. and i will continue to nurture  my body and spirit as long as it needs. i'm kind of into holistic medicine so that's playing a large part in my journey as well. i appreciate you chiming in. 

[Rosetta]

You are welcome, Apollo.  I hope it works out for you.

[TreeElf]

Sounds like you're doing all the right things. And don't be afraid of the horror stories on here as I think that can also be counter-productive. Some people can and do get through withdrawal without huge flare ups months later, I know of people personally who have done it and are better than ever three years after stopping cold turkey. There's more likely to be negative stories online as it is the place people look for support when they're struggling. At the end of the day, everything in our minds is created by our minds, we have every power to not engage with it, change it or transform it even when we don't realise we have that power. 

After yesterday's horror I managed to do a meditation today and detach from all of it. I know it's all happening to this temporary 'being' I call 'me' but I have choice in how much I take it seriously or get pulled into sensations and reactions. Because that's all they are. This isn't clear or graspable by the conceptual mind during a wave of emotion, but it is always the truth. 

The main thing for me is not becoming a victim, to continually come back to recognizing my own mind is creating my reality, and it is always temporary, the good and the bad. Keep us updated on your journey, and all the best x

 

[apollo556]

thanks so much for the kind and wise words. i've had a little more anxiety than usual today mostly in the form of a stronger and faster heartbeat. usually between 4 and 6pm it all dies down. 

 

you are so right about our minds create the reality. i always say perception is reality. it's when we dwell and disect that it drags us down. i'm choosing to ignore the fast heart knowing it will pass and maybe something else will take it's place or maybe it will be a generous and lasting window to follow. 

 

i too realize there will be more posts of struggling than success. i use them to educate but not necessarily to compare. i have a hard time at this point saying 100% i will be able to get through this but i can say i am giving 100% commitment to riding the waves between the windows. no depression today and i just realized i no longer have a restless leg. i also keep in mind that i've had plenty of health issues for the last several years i'm working on and they have symptoms independent of prozac withdrawal that i must not mistake for prozac withdrawal. 

 

i will also practice discerning the temporary flares from the truth which is that i am getting better. i love how you described that way of thinking!!

 

and i just remembered why the 3-month mark is so significant to me. it's because during my prozac taper i reduced the dose exactly every 3 months because that appeared to be the time it took me to recover and be ready for the next reduction. hoping history repeats. 😮

[TreeElf]

And I totally believe that can happen for you. And if it doesn't, that's okay too. You'll find a way and adjust accordingly. I have found meditation to be the best thing for learning how the mind works, how it creates our entire reality, and therefore how to control is as such. It's a weird paradox - the more you let go of control, relax and accept, the more control you have. I've also discovered Ho'oponopono this week, an old Hawaiian technique recommended by my Reiki therapist. It's basically a very simple practice where you acknowledge, take ownership, and release every thing that comes into your consciousness, no matter how bad. It's had massive, immediate effects even in the last two days. Look it up if you're interested, there's a guy on Youtube who explains it properly, I think his name is Dr. Len something.

Great to hear you're able to separate possible health problems from withdrawal, it would be easy to get sucked into thinking, 'look, everything is falling apart this must be withdrawal too!' and then create subsequent anxiety and depression.

Keep us updated!

[samanthaelizabeth]

18 hours ago, nz11 said:

okay I now think you are referring to the gaba amino supplement when you talk of gaba.

Here is some info on this supplement

 

It it is in fact gabapentin you are referring to please confirm.

 

I didn't really look at the benzo part but you are correct that may be adding to the symptoms. As I look at the numbers the dosing does appear to be all over the place. 

 

The view is to  taper the ad first and the benzo second but I think in your  case there is a strong argument to taper the benzo first.

Why because the benzo exposure has only been 2 months or less ('maybe' your words) while the ad exposure has been nearly 2 decades. It is the most recently started drug (right?...2 months right?) and hopefully the easiest to taper. You are almost off it already. This is a very dangerous chemical, addiction can be established within 2 weeks. 

Please get hold of the book 'Anatomy of an epidemic ' by whitaker and read about the 'benzo trap' . I bet it is in your local library.

To taper off Zoloft is going to take years ...a minimum of 4 in my opinion. You don't want to be taking klonopin for 4 years.

We haven't heard from moderators as yet. They are rather busy as you can guess.

But I reckon you should consider staying on the 200mg of Zoloft and the remeron and taper off the klonopin. 

Remember if you read that above link dosing must be stable, no jumping around randomly.   

I just cannot believe that a doctor has kept you on 200mg Zoloft for nearly 20 years. That is criminal.

 

Don't worry that  the p-doc is out of town until feb. You might like to consider stepping up and taking back control of this whole thing. This is your taper at the end of the day you have ultimate control over the process. The only thing these people know is more drugs. They do not acknowledge addiction or withdrawal symptoms choosing to blame the person and not the poison. And as they say when all you have is a hammer everything looks like a nail. 

 

What are your thoughts?

Keep in mind changing the dose of two or more drugs at once makes it very difficult to figure out the cause of any untoward effects. You wont know which drug to return to its previous dose to relieve the wdl symptoms.

You need stability asap to keep that job.

You are very lucky to have found sa at this early stage of the game before cognitive WWIII broke out.

 

I felt like when I reinstated to 200mg it was making things worse so i'm doing 180mg and see if I stabilize...

[apollo556]

just completed week 10 post prozac. feels like soooo much longer. the last 2 days have been alright. racing heart has taken a back seat. i get some restlessness and irritability here and there. had a teeny weeny bit of depression this morning but it's lifting as i get motivated to start the day.  i'm ok. 😊

[TreeElf]

Good job apollo, stay positive.

[apollo556]

hi. i'm making a new post to ask advice because i'm failing a cold turkey from 10mg of prozac that i started 4 months ago. i went from 40 to 10 way too quickly but felt pretty good along the way until i dropped prozac completely. ok so here goes...

 

i felt well going from 40mg to 10mg over a 9 or 10 month period dropping 10mg every 3 months (would later learn this was too fast). feeling well enough on 10mg, i made a bold move to go cold turkey in November 2017. 4 months have passed and it's been a hard ride with far too few good days. the only withdrawal symptoms that no longer plague me are some of the physical (tightness of chest and brain zaps). psychological symptoms i've never had i my life are present....i now have almost daily depression  and it's kind of severe at times, the thought of being home alone brings on anxiety, and obsessive thoughts happen daily that perpetuate the existing anxiety.  

 

so yesterday i had a meltdown of depression and anxiety which caused me to reach out to my psychiatrist. i have realized i messed up with the cold turkey and probably couldn't survive several months to years of this anguish. i was a skeptic of protracted withdrawal and the part of me that believed in it, believed i could handle it. i never saw my psychiatrist yesterday because he was out so i saw the on-call psychiatrist. she suggested i start back on 10mg of prozac where i left off. i've done enough reading here to know this may not be advised. my primary paychiatrist will be will be a much better bet to obtain liquid prozac, otherwise i will have to titrate my 10mg capsules. so i see him in 2 weeks and at least the on-call doc gave me plenty of time off work. 

 

today i'm better but i'm not surprised because hope is powerful. so my question is how much prozac may be safe for me to reinstate in an attempt to regain stability? or is 4 months off too far out and i'll just have to hope it gets better with time?

 

regret not following the advice from this forum given to me months ago. i started this new thread because it's painful to go back and read my reluctance to not safely taper. 

 

wishing you all the best. 

 

-greg

 

[ChessieCat]

I moved your new post to your Intro topic.  Your Intro topic is where you ask questions about your own situation and journal your progress.  This keeps your history in one place.

[ChessieCat]

Please read/re-read Post #1 of this topic:  About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

It is quite possible that a new drug will be suggested.  I suggest you read both of these topics. 

 

How do you talk to a doctor about tapering and withdrawal?

What should I expect from my doctor about withdrawal symptoms?

 

It would be better to try a very small dose of the last drug you were taking.  It is better to start with a small amount to see how you react and increase by another small amount if necessary.  It takes about 4 days for the drug to get to full state in the blood and a bit longer for it to register in the brain.  The idea of reinstating isn't to get rid of withdrawal symptoms completely, but to bring them to a bearable level.  The reason I am suggesting such a tiny dose is that you don't know how sensitised you are.  You could try 0.25mg for about 4-7 days.  Keep Notes on Paper  This will help you to see if reinstatement is working/causing issues.  If after that time the symptoms are still unbearable you could increase by another 0.25mg.

 

Keep it Simple, Slow and Stable

[apollo556]

well, been back on prozac 10mg for a week now. things got really bad for me since my last post. like nearing hospital admittance bad. the day after my last post i woke up with the most incredible emptiness i've ever felt...a deep pit of depression that i could not shake. when the anxiety kicked up too, i was at the end of my rope. i could not tune out the suicidal thoughts that kept happening the days following my "crash". it was so bad mentally and physically i could barely walk down the street. a week ago i secured a same day appointment with my regular psychiatrist who advised me to go back on prozac asap. being 4+ months off prozac at that point, i was worried what would happen. i held that pill and a glass of water in my hand for the longest time before finally doing the deed. all i felt was sleepiness and some stomach gurgling. overall it seems my body accepted the med. i wish i would've had time to experiment with a lower introductory dose but i was one step away from going to the ER which would have led to the mental hospital where they surely would have loaded me up on prozac and more. i don't expect miracles because it's only been a week. i am out of crisis and that's what matters. i go to the gym everyday to keep active and get out of the house. i have lunch with friends and take walks in the park. the dark, depressive thoughts have reduced and now i'm just mildly depressed most of the day with some moments when i perk up. anxiety has gone down also. my appetite hasn't quite returned and i wish it would because i lost 8 lbs almost overnight and was already slim. the headaches i had been getting vanished the day after resuming prozac. 10mg was my last effective dose before i went cold turkey so i'm really hoping it's enough to get me stabilized. i won't have a plan to taper down for a long while and if/when i do, it will be the right way. awful, awful experience and 100% my doing! i just hope each day ahead is better than the last. 

[Carmie]

Hi Apollo,

 

just checking in to see how you’re doing. Sending hugs🤗