Hurtmost: terrible job tapering - mental anguish

[Hurtmost]

I ignorantly went off 300mg Wellbutrin and 200mg Sertraline in 4 months between Oct. 2017 and February 2018. I am experiencing the worst depression of my life. I don’t know what to do. April is the point when things became bad. I feel panick every morning. I cry every day. I actually hate being alive. I dread choices. I dread living. I am not suicidal though. I keep telling myself I’ll get through this. 

 

I stopped the antidepressants after 8 years because I had lost any passion for anything. I went everywhere late. I slept constantly. I think the drugs stopped working. The psychiatrist kept increasing doses to try to help, but it made me a stranger to joy and stripped me of my curiosity and life. 

 

I have additional complications of ptsd- as a survivor of domestic abuse and a survivor of rape at gunpoint. I don’t have a career. I have no partner or children, and I’m trying to decide whether or not to move to care for my invalid father. I created bad debt while sleeping and paying for psychiatrists out-of-pocket. This is very difficult. I feel utterly estranged from life. 

 

Should I speak with a physician? Do I reinstate? I don’t know what to do. 

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Hurtmost.

 

Emotional anesthesia is a common side effect of psychiatric drugs. It sounds like you might have gone off too fast. Did you have any odd symptoms after you stopped sertraline?

 

Do you have any sertraline left? Often a very small amount, even 5mg, might prop up your nervous system so it feels a little better. This topic explains how to take a small amount Tips for tapering off Zoloft (sertraline) You'll probably want to use a liquid. You'd stabilize on this for at least a month, then taper off by tiny amounts.

 

See What is withdrawal syndrome?
 
About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms
 
The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

[Hurtmost]

I do have Zoloft around, but I stopped in early February? My smallest dose left around are the 50mg I was quartering- so 12.5. That’s right- I discontinued CT at 12.5mg thinking that was a really low dose. Thank you for responding. I dread my days. 

[Hurtmost]

Also, when I began tapering I had horrible WD symptoms right away. Brain-zaps. Confusion. Fever-like feelings. Nausea. Exhaustion. I’d fall asleep quite suddenly against my will (awkward.) Waking nightmares in sleep paralysis. Manic feelings. Increased ocd skin-pick. IBS. These have all passed for the most. Sometimes I still feel “weird” or paralyzed as I drift into sleep. 

 

What I struggle with now is deep deep anxiety and sadness. I feel like my life is over/ruined. I feel that everyone is going to die. Death is at the forefront of my mind all the time. I hate it. 

[Hurtmost]

Also, these links are good. Still difficult to decide what to do. 

 

Thank you!

[Petunia]

14 minutes ago, Hurtmost said:

My smallest dose left around are the 50mg

 

The link 'Tips for tapering off Zoloft' which Alto posted above, will explain how to make 5mg out of your 50mg pills.

 

I also stopped my medication too fast and got hit with extreme withdrawal, so I know what you are going through. By the time I found this site, it was too late for me to reinstate, I had those doomy, gloomy thoughts too... nothing like I had ever experienced before so I knew it was withdrawal.

 

If you decide to try reinstatement, a low dose might be enough to stop the symptoms, then you could begin a safe taper off the last amount when you have become stable again.

 

I wish I had been able to do that, because its actually taken me several years to recover from my too fast taper. But its completely your decision. You will recover though, whatever you decide. Take your time and read through all the information before making a decision.

 

We ask members to put their drug and withdrawal history in the signature section. It appears below each of your posts and helps us to help you. Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 

[Hurtmost]

Thank you so much. I’ll read “tips for tapering off Zoloft.” I have been off any medication since February. Is it too late to reinstate? 

[Hurtmost]

I am working my way through my first summer off ADs and life is very difficult. I am so lucky to be spending quality time with friends this week, though. I feel grateful to be close to others. They help me engage and focus on activities and ideas other than saddness, loss, failure, and death. 

 

I am especially sad and anxious right now because my parents are each sick. They are divorced, single people, and I live very far away from both of them. My father is suffering from COPD and is currently in a hospital. My mom may have lung cancer. She’s frightened. I try to stay positive, but the waves of panic and deep saddness that I experience perpetually due to withdrawal make it neigh impossible. 

 

It was suggested that I reinstate and I haven’t. I keep believing that I’m going to have better windows. My guts have been improving. I’ve put on weight. That is good. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m grateful for this community. 

[FarmGirlWorks]

Oh wow, sorry to hear about your parents' sickness and your distance. I'm in Seattle and come back to central PA once a year to see my parents who are often undergoing some sort of surgery or illness. But they are stubborn and are still getting around the house. The distance is stressful but it can be managed. Hang in there.

 

I too was on Zoloft and, while everyone's withdrawal is different, it seems like Zoloft can be a real stickler.

[Hurtmost]

Thanks for your compassionate comments. I have been waiting to see before reinstating Zoloft. I am experiencing so many neuroemotions though, that I don’t think I should put it off anymore. 🙁

[mirage]

@Hurtmost I too, took Wellbutrin 300xl for 8 years. I quit cold turkey in May of 2017. Started having withdrawal symptoms in June 2017. My worst symptom is dizziness. Had several bouts of vertigo but, praying, those are behind me. I had all of the symptoms you are experiencing as well. 

 

I am 13 months into this journey. Listen to the advice of the moderators. They are extremely knowledgeable on this and will help you. 

 

I experienced many neuroemotions and many of them are gone. You have found a safe and supportive place here and everyone will help you through. 

 

Sending prayers. 

[Hurtmost]

Thanks for your compassionate comments. I have been waiting to see before reinstating Zoloft. Grateful for the kindness and resources here. 

[Carmie]

Hi Hurtmost, 

 

How are you doing?💚