Cannabis, marijuana, hashish, THC, & CBD / cannabidiol or Hemp oil

[HughesEddie]

Hi ByeByeSSRI,

 

Thanks for replying. It just seems so strange to me that something that I would never have imagined I could stop by willpower, became something that I all of a sudden couldn’t tolerate so actually had to stop as I felt so

weird once I had a smoke. I was never a big drinker, but that was my vice. I used to love nothing more than having a couple of J’s, and spending a few hours playing call of duty or something after work and having a good laugh with friends. I was always pretty mind strong, and actually feel quite weak that I can’t have a little smoke like I did for absolutely years, and can’t handle it anymore. It doesn’t feel the way it used to. I am also a little worried now I have seen other people that are on meds, but can actually have a bit of a smoke. That makes me wonder wether it’s the mirtazapine or is it actually me. That just seems so weird, and makes me actually feel more anxious about my condition. I actually feel as though I’ve turned into a bit of a weirdo. All

of a sudden it just doesn’t feel the way it used to. It used to relax me, make me feel happier, and just a complete state of content. But now I feel as if I’ve been hit by a truck of de-realisation, and find it hard to verbalise exactly how it makes me

feel. It does make me sad. That I’ve lost my vice. You are absolutely right though, cannabis isn’t necessary to life. I think it’s just the fact that I can’t if I wanted to, is what worries me. If you asked anyone that knew me they would be shocked that I’d given up, let alone that I can’t even handle a few drags. I think it’s the forcing of the hand that has got me wondering why? Why can I not take a tiny bit of the thing that I loved anymore? It must seem strange to people that know me. It makes me anxious to run into old friends who do smoke, incase they were to say, “I know you don’t smoke anymore, but a little one off won’t hurt?”. As it’s not a case of that I don’t want to, it’s that I actually can’t. I feel like I’m going slightly insane when I smoke. And to go from one to the other really does make me worried about myself. Maybe it’s all in my head, but I don’t feel that way. I’d love nothing more than to just have a smoke again, and feel how I used to feel. But I can’t take the suffering while I’m stoned. It’s so mad. I just hope it is the meds, and once I am out of withdrawal, then I can once again enjoy a smoke like my old self again, and not come across as a weirdo because I can’t all of a sudden 😂 again, it’s not the fact of that I really miss it, it’s thinking why the heck can I not do that anymore!? Haha.

 

Apologies about the rambling essay, just trying to get across as good of a description of my situation as possible haha.

[Thorin]

8 minutes ago, HughesEddie said:

Hi ByeByeSSRI,

 

Thanks for replying. It just seems so strange to me that something that I would never have imagined I could stop by willpower, became something that I all of a sudden couldn’t tolerate so actually had to stop as I felt so

weird once I had a smoke. I was never a big drinker, but that was my vice. I used to love nothing more than having a couple of J’s, and spending a few hours playing call of duty or something after work and having a good laugh with friends. I was always pretty mind strong, and actually feel quite weak that I can’t have a little smoke like I did for absolutely years, and can’t handle it anymore. It doesn’t feel the way it used to. I am also a little worried now I have seen other people that are on meds, but can actually have a bit of a smoke. That makes me wonder wether it’s the mirtazapine or is it actually me. That just seems so weird, and makes me actually feel more anxious about my condition. I actually feel as though I’ve turned into a bit of a weirdo. All

of a sudden it just doesn’t feel the way it used to. It used to relax me, make me feel happier, and just a complete state of content. But now I feel as if I’ve been hit by a truck of de-realisation, and find it hard to verbalise exactly how it makes me

feel. It does make me sad. That I’ve lost my vice. You are absolutely right though, cannabis isn’t necessary to life. I think it’s just the fact that I can’t if I wanted to, is what worries me. If you asked anyone that knew me they would be shocked that I’d given up, let alone that I can’t even handle a few drags. I think it’s the forcing of the hand that has got me wondering why? Why can I not take a tiny bit of the thing that I loved anymore? It must seem strange to people that know me. It makes me anxious to run into old friends who do smoke, incase they were to say, “I know you don’t smoke anymore, but a little one off won’t hurt?”. As it’s not a case of that I don’t want to, it’s that I actually can’t. I feel like I’m going slightly insane when I smoke. And to go from one to the other really does make me worried about myself. Maybe it’s all in my head, but I don’t feel that way. I’d love nothing more than to just have a smoke again, and feel how I used to feel. But I can’t take the suffering while I’m stoned. It’s so mad. I just hope it is the meds, and once I am out of withdrawal, then I can once again enjoy a smoke like my old self again, and not come across as a weirdo because I can’t all of a sudden 😂 again, it’s not the fact of that I really miss it, it’s thinking why the heck can I not do that anymore!? Haha.

 

Apologies about the rambling essay, just trying to get across as good of a description of my situation as possible haha.

My understanding is that THC amplifies whatever is going on for you. It may be that the taper is messing with you and making you feel slightly ‘insane’ in general, which is then amplified when you have THC. You may find that once you’ve healed from all this stuff you’re perfectly fine to smoke again…. So don’t think that you can never smoke again. Just think, I can’t smoke for now. But I may very well be able to when healed.

[HughesEddie]

1 minute ago, Thorin said:

My understanding is that THC amplifies whatever is going on for you. It may be that the taper is messing with you and making you feel slightly ‘insane’ in general, which is then amplified when you have THC. You may find that once you’ve healed from all this stuff you’re perfectly fine to smoke again…. So don’t think that you can never smoke again. Just think, I can’t smoke for now. But I may very well be able to when healed.

Hi Thorin,

 

Thanks for the reply. This actually gives me great comfort. I truly hope you are right. You never know, it may turn out that one day I can again, and once I can, I may decide I don’t want to anymore! A little like a child that gets the toy he or she wanted for a long time, then gets it and doesn’t want it then! 😂 I think it’s just the lack of control I no longer have that I once did. It’s just a little scary as I was never sensitive to different “substances” if that’s the correct word. Not that I was ever a big taker of different kinds of drugs, I always just stuck to having a bit of a smoke, and was happy with that. But by substances, I mean even caffeine etc. I was the kind of guy that could drink an energy drink before bed and still sleep haha. But now even a coffee in the morning, my ears start ringing and I feel rather strange. It’s all very new to me and I’m still feeling my way through this withdrawal thing. So to have all these reactions, is so confusing and quite scary frankly. But I just keep telling myself that I have to give myself time. I wasn’t even on the meds for that long, but I did go from 15mg, then up to 30mg, then completely stopped (after a very, very quick taper) in the space of 8 months. So I think it’s the quick tapering that hasn’t helped. Although it was about 2 weeks to a month into actually starting the mirtazapine when I had my first panic attack after a smoke, I think it was them in my system properly and all of a sudden I couldn’t smoke. This is the reason I put it down to the meds. Smoked for years, then as soon as I started the mirt, all of a sudden couldn’t. Just gotta give it time, and see how I go I suppose. But again, thanks for the reply, as this has given me a lot of optimism my friend. I also wish you all the best in your own journey, we will all get through this together.

 

P.S. Cool name btw 😎

[Thorin]

9 minutes ago, HughesEddie said:

Hi Thorin,

 

Thanks for the reply. This actually gives me great comfort. I truly hope you are right. You never know, it may turn out that one day I can again, and once I can, I may decide I don’t want to anymore! A little like a child that gets the toy he or she wanted for a long time, then gets it and doesn’t want it then! 😂 I think it’s just the lack of control I no longer have that I once did. It’s just a little scary as I was never sensitive to different “substances” if that’s the correct word. Not that I was ever a big taker of different kinds of drugs, I always just stuck to having a bit of a smoke, and was happy with that. But by substances, I mean even caffeine etc. I was the kind of guy that could drink an energy drink before bed and still sleep haha. But now even a coffee in the morning, my ears start ringing and I feel rather strange. It’s all very new to me and I’m still feeling my way through this withdrawal thing. So to have all these reactions, is so confusing and quite scary frankly. But I just keep telling myself that I have to give myself time. I wasn’t even on the meds for that long, but I did go from 15mg, then up to 30mg, then completely stopped (after a very, very quick taper) in the space of 8 months. So I think it’s the quick tapering that hasn’t helped. Although it was about 2 weeks to a month into actually starting the mirtazapine when I had my first panic attack after a smoke, I think it was them in my system properly and all of a sudden I couldn’t smoke. This is the reason I put it down to the meds. Smoked for years, then as soon as I started the mirt, all of a sudden couldn’t. Just gotta give it time, and see how I go I suppose. But again, thanks for the reply, as this has given me a lot of optimism my friend. I also wish you all the best in your own journey, we will all get through this together.

 

P.S. Cool name btw 😎

Haha thanks, glad you like the name 😁. It may be different for you.l but I did a very rapid taper and subsequently had to quit drinking and coffee completely. I was absolutely devastated. I’ve been holding at this current dose for 6-7 months and things have improved. I can now drink coffee again. Even have a couple of strong ones during the day and mostly be fine. I can even have a few drinks with no repercussions. Even a few months ago a couple of drinks would’ve ended up with me in a pretty bad place. So please don’t think this is forever or give up hope. I will be restarting my taper in the near future and will stop alcohol for that as I won’t risk the way it’s made me feel before, even if it’s temporary. I’ll see how I go with coffee.

personally I have a vast and varied history with different substances for reasons I won’t go into now. One I mostly stayed away from was cannabis as I messed myself up on it at an early age. I’ve actually reintroduced cannabis during withdrawal with largely good results which goes to show how this journey can be different for everyone. I think you’ll be fine in the long run. Just try to be patient (very hard but gets easier) and do things that support your body healing and in time you’ll come good. Happy to chat whenever you feel the need though I do sometimes take breaks from the site for a few days for my own sanity.

[HughesEddie]

8 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Haha thanks, glad you like the name 😁. It may be different for you.l but I did a very rapid taper and subsequently had to quit drinking and coffee completely. I was absolutely devastated. I’ve been holding at this current dose for 6-7 months and things have improved. I can now drink coffee again. Even have a couple of strong ones during the day and mostly be fine. I can even have a few drinks with no repercussions. Even a few months ago a couple of drinks would’ve ended up with me in a pretty bad place. So please don’t think this is forever or give up hope. I will be restarting my taper in the near future and will stop alcohol for that as I won’t risk the way it’s made me feel before, even if it’s temporary. I’ll see how I go with coffee.

personally I have a vast and varied history with different substances for reasons I won’t go into now. One I mostly stayed away from was cannabis as I messed myself up on it at an early age. I’ve actually reintroduced cannabis during withdrawal with largely good results which goes to show how this journey can be different for everyone. I think you’ll be fine in the long run. Just try to be patient (very hard but gets easier) and do things that support your body healing and in time you’ll come good. Happy to chat whenever you feel the need though I do sometimes take breaks from the site for a few days for my own sanity.

Ah it’s brilliant to hear you are doing well my friend. Even with being able

to have a few drinks and a coffee or 2. And hearing your words of encouragement are comforting and give me optimism to levels I can’t even verbalise to you, so thank you so much. And the same to yourself, if you ever need a chat, don’t hesitate to drop me a message. Unfortunately I am the same, and do have breaks from the site from time to time, as I suppose we just try to keep moving forward and try to not have it on our mind 24/7. As hard as it is to forget and ‘feel normal’. But I do pop back and to every so often.

 

Thanks for the chat Thorin, it is genuinely appreciated. And good luck to you in your journey, until next time ✌️

[ByeByeSSRI]

I hear ya, Eddie. I don't think you're weird or going crazy. Like Thorin is saying, your body just needs time to adjust/heal. Try not to look too far ahead or try to predict your future. I too went through a period where if I had one drink, it would trigger depersonalization, brain zaps, horrible anxiety, and almost a scary psychedelic response. But now I can have a drink and it's not a big deal. Do I drink a lot? No, but that's probably for the best. Cannabis also doesn't "work" as well as it used to for me. But maybe that'll change in the future? In the meantime, I'm trying to accept the fact that my body/brain is rejecting it and needs a break. That's ok. I was probably too reliant on it anyways. Coming off psych drugs is a wild ride and one of constant change. But things will probably calm down in due time. All good man. Hang in there and know you're not alone. 

[HughesEddie]

On 4/7/2023 at 5:56 AM, ByeByeSSRI said:

I hear ya, Eddie. I don't think you're weird or going crazy. Like Thorin is saying, your body just needs time to adjust/heal. Try not to look too far ahead or try to predict your future. I too went through a period where if I had one drink, it would trigger depersonalization, brain zaps, horrible anxiety, and almost a scary psychedelic response. But now I can have a drink and it's not a big deal. Do I drink a lot? No, but that's probably for the best. Cannabis also doesn't "work" as well as it used to for me. But maybe that'll change in the future? In the meantime, I'm trying to accept the fact that my body/brain is rejecting it and needs a break. That's ok. I was probably too reliant on it anyways. Coming off psych drugs is a wild ride and one of constant change. But things will probably calm down in due time. All good man. Hang in there and know you're not alone. 

Thanks ByeBye,

 

Its great to hear that you’re making good progress. This also gives me a lot of optimism that I will one day be the same. It’s not that I’m busting for a drink or smoke, I just want to be back to my “old self” like all of us haha. I just feel like my brain is super slow compared to how it used to be. That then makes you not quite feel yourself and it’s kind of a viscous circle isn’t it. I just wish the way anti depressants are approached on this site was the way the medical and health care system approached it. Dr’s just don’t seem to realise this is what it’s actually like. Far more studies need to be done and an educating of the harsh realism’s of what these drugs are about.

 

Thanks again ByeBye, for all of us to know we are not alone is a huge comfort, we’ll it certainly was for me when I found this site. It confirmed for me that I wasn’t just going mad, and am going through something that many others are. And also gave me answers as to why I was feeling the way I feel.

[ByeByeSSRI]

@HughesEddie This month marks the 2 year anniversary of when I first started tapering and if there's one thing I've had to constantly relearn throughout it's been to avoid predicting the future. And that longing to "get back to how I used to be" is so strong at times. I do believe we all heal and perhaps getting "back" to who I was isn't completely necessary. I think tapering has changed me permanently in some ways, just like any challenging chapter in life changes oneself. Not to get too woo-woo, but I also believe our souls are constant and cannot be changed nor damaged.

 

I have had (as still have) the same thoughts/worries you shared. I think it's all part of the process. I too felt for a long time like my brain was really slow (and it was!). I feel as though my cognition is returning but for a long time reading and writing was harder than ever and very overwhelming. My sense of humor is also returning (thank gawd!). I think our struggles are invitations to be kind and gentle with ourselves. And reminders that whatever we struggle with today, we won't struggle with forever.

 

I agree- so many doctors don't understand withdrawal, nor does the layman. That may change in the future but for now, how lucky are we that we can connect online with others going thru the same struggles. I try to remind myself that getting off these drugs and learning to better cope with my emotions is a massive investment in myself and in future. I hope you feel the same. Bravo to you for pushing forward. We got this!!

[HughesEddie]

On 4/8/2023 at 7:23 PM, ByeByeSSRI said:

@HughesEddie This month marks the 2 year anniversary of when I first started tapering and if there's one thing I've had to constantly relearn throughout it's been to avoid predicting the future. And that longing to "get back to how I used to be" is so strong at times. I do believe we all heal and perhaps getting "back" to who I was isn't completely necessary. I think tapering has changed me permanently in some ways, just like any challenging chapter in life changes oneself. Not to get too woo-woo, but I also believe our souls are constant and cannot be changed nor damaged.

 

I have had (as still have) the same thoughts/worries you shared. I think it's all part of the process. I too felt for a long time like my brain was really slow (and it was!). I feel as though my cognition is returning but for a long time reading and writing was harder than ever and very overwhelming. My sense of humor is also returning (thank gawd!). I think our struggles are invitations to be kind and gentle with ourselves. And reminders that whatever we struggle with today, we won't struggle with forever.

 

I agree- so many doctors don't understand withdrawal, nor does the layman. That may change in the future but for now, how lucky are we that we can connect online with others going thru the same struggles. I try to remind myself that getting off these drugs and learning to better cope with my emotions is a massive investment in myself and in future. I hope you feel the same. Bravo to you for pushing forward. We got this!!

YES!! I have also thought this. As the old saying goes, “what doesn’t kill us, will make us stronger”. I believe everything happens for a reason, and growing is never comfortable. Like a snake shedding it’s old skin. I’m currently about 9 1/2 months after completely stopping meds, albeit after a far too quick taper (which i’d already done by the time I found this site, therefore wasn’t aware of the importance of tapering slowly). But being as I have come this far, I’m thinking I may as well just stick with it. And in all honesty, I think I am slowly improving. Yes there are days where I feel back to square one, but also days where I feel fully healed, and almost feel silly for feeling how I’ve been feeling. But I have now come to

learn, that this is just the windows and waves phenomenon, and is common. But yes, we are so lucky to have a brilliant community in this site, of like minded people who understand. In all

honesty I don’t know what I would have done had I not have found SA. So so grateful. Thanks ByeBye, you giving your time to reply is truly appreciated. And as you’ve already said, let’s get it, we WILL all heal!! 👊 

[Ryder]

What is the general cenensus on using CBD without the THC inside of it ? I am asking this question to aid sleep.

[Thorin]

I’m storing abenzo and find CBD helpful

[catmama]

10 hours ago, Ryder said:

What is the general cenensus on using CBD without the THC inside of it ? I am asking this question to aid sleep.

 

Personally, I didn't find it helpful. (I still find 0.5 mg melatonin lozenges to be the best sleep aid.) I've tried the oral tincture, vape pen, and pre-rolled CBD flower joint. I made sure to buy a really high-quality, expensive CBD products, and used it as directed. It didn't have any adverse effects, but it didn't seem to be beneficial either. Of course, YMMV. You can try starting with a small amount and see how you feel. You just have to be careful with CBD because similar to other supplements, there is soooo much out there with very little regulation. Research, read reviews, etc before purchasing anything.

 

[Ryder]

Thanks Catmama.

[connaught45]

I experienced cannabis induced psychosis from high THC vape pens. I was using them every night and it lasted a year. Destroyed my life. My family doctor said he sees at least one case per year. Be extremely careful. There is also a huge uptick in suicides due to this and it being legalized in my country. I don’t recommend messing with THC

[SouthernFreeze]

14 minutes ago, connaught45 said:

I experienced cannabis induced psychosis from high THC vape pens. I was using them every night and it lasted a year. Destroyed my life. My family doctor said he sees at least one case per year. Be extremely careful. There is also a huge uptick in suicides due to this and it being legalized in my country. I don’t recommend messing with THC

I'd like to see how your doctor linked more suicides to cannabis legalization. 

[Thorin]

5 hours ago, connaught45 said:

I experienced cannabis induced psychosis from high THC vape pens. I was using them every night and it lasted a year. Destroyed my life. My family doctor said he sees at least one case per year. Be extremely careful. There is also a huge uptick in suicides due to this and it being legalized in my country. I don’t recommend messing with THC

For some people it can be quite dangerous and there’s not enough education around it. For the majority it’s safe but we need to cater for the people at risk.

[connaught45]

My doctor didn't link it to suicides. That was something I learned in online research. My doctor only said he saw at least one case per year. It's very easy to be skeptical until it happens to you.

[SouthernFreeze]

3 minutes ago, connaught45 said:

My doctor didn't link it to suicides. That was something I learned in online research. My doctor only said he saw at least one case per year. It's very easy to be skeptical until it happens to you.

I'm not being skeptical,  I think it  happened to me, i smoked many years at very young age. I smoked it because it was available from gangs and drug dealers, I thought it would have been more likely to cause more suicides being illegal so was just interested.

[connaught45]

3 minutes ago, SouthernFreeze said:

I'm not being skeptical,  I think it  happened to me, i smoked many years at very young age. I smoked it because it was available from gangs and drug dealers, I thought it would have been more likely to cause more suicides being illegal so was just interested.

Oh I'm sorry, please pardon my misunderstanding. It seems the suicide rates are increasing where marijuana is found in the system upon autopsy. This is one article I was basing my statement on: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2022.1057784/full