Tom37: Lexapro taper

[DaveB]

1 hour ago, Tom37 said:

 

So a better day but that’s all it is nothing to get excited about.

 

 

 

Better days are always worth getting excited about, good job my friend!

[Tom37]

Similar night again....around 5 or 5.5 hours sleep. Same symptom pattern this morning so will just see how intense they will be as go through the day. 

 

Such s a good day emotionally yesterday so hope it continues but think it’s a grumpy start due to this condition frustrating me with taking so long to get anywhere.

 

Being getting the ‘shudder’ feeling a bit. Like some walking over your grave. Obviously it’s minor but no idea what that means.

 

Boss in town again. Wonderful. At least tomorrow off as public holiday.

[Tom37]

Looks like a tougher day emotionally today. Physically like yesterday so frustrated that feel like I do but I’m pretty sure it’s a wd symptom causing it or if it’s not it’s the whole wd situation. Argh.

[DaveB]

1 hour ago, Tom37 said:

Looks like a tougher day emotionally today. Physically like yesterday so frustrated that feel like I do but I’m pretty sure it’s a wd symptom causing it or if it’s not it’s the whole wd situation. Argh.

 

Sorry man, I know all too well what it is like to have a decent day, followed by a rough grind it out day. You are going to get there man, it is just going to take time unfortunately.

[Tom37]

Cheers.....day definitely getting better as it progress....actually just had an early lunch in a park and it was great to be there and actually feel joy and pleasure...the trees, the sun etc. That is the reason I wanted to come off it or majorly reduce this medication.....so I could feel again!

 

I’m sure being on anti depresssnts can actually cause depression in the long run. Living life numb without proper feeling is bound to affect you.

[mdwstrx]

Wonderful news! So happy to hear you're having a better day!! 🌞

 

[DaveB]

30 minutes ago, Tom37 said:

Cheers.....day definitely getting better as it progress....actually just had an early lunch in a park and it was great to be there and actually feel joy and pleasure...the trees, the sun etc. That is the reason I wanted to come off it or majorly reduce this medication.....so I could feel again!

 

I’m sure being on anti depresssnts can actually cause depression in the long run. Living life numb without proper feeling is bound to affect you.

 

Great! I love when a day that starts like that turns around for us!

[Carmie]

Great to hear that your day turned out nicely Tom, 

 

There’s nothing like being in nature, I’m a major nature freak. Here’s to being able to feel fully again one of these days.💚

[Tom37]

So today turned out to a better day apart from the first hour or so this morning. Same physical symptoms as I have been having and similar pain intensity to yesterday or even less which is actually what got me this morning as when the symptoms are not quite there I just feel quite weird in my body and don’t feel right which then afrcts me mentally.

 

Work was fine then out to the beach for a walk as 34c here today. Cooling down for 4 or 5 days from tomorrow morning.

 

Mentally having some really good moments especially about ‘feeling’ joy and pleasure about things like I use too before I got medicated. Just simple things that you take for granted like the way the sun sets over the hills or the beautiful colour of the ocean.....just can’t wait for these physical symptoms to bugger off or at least significantly lessen so I can then really enjoy these moments....imagine how good they would be if was at zero mg.

 

Still have thoughts about this never ending and all that but surely these symptoms have to start easing at some point especially as I’m just trying to stabilise and haven’t altered dose or anything...but I guess just have to live in hope until then.

[Tom37]

Another similar night...sleep three or three and half hours...wake...sleep another hour or more....wake....sleep another hour then that’s me....would just be nice to be able to sleep 4 or 5 hours without waking. At least getting 5 or so per night and last night was a very hot night.

 

Feels like another day of the same symptom pattern so see how it goes. Hopefully a good day emotionally but  mornings are harder as still get so frustrated/upset with this situation.

 

Public holiday so day of minimal work from home.

[Tom37]

Another better day. 

 

Emotionally felt really good, just like myself for the majority of the day.

 

Physically same symptom pattern but tolerable and low/medium low  in intensity for most of the day but still makes it self known at times

 

Bit of easy garden work, a walk, bit of work and some relaxing. Cooler weather at the moment so that should means better night ahead.

 

Oh and spent an hour and half cutting pills and only got three done. So frustrating. Some days it’s just a nightmare and others you get lucky....another reason to get off these pills!

[neroli]

Good to hear you had a better day, Tom37.  It also sounds as though you were able to be pretty active despite your symptoms.  Good stuff.  The better days can get lost to the memory when it's a not so good day - so hold on to that knowledge that you do have better days, just so you remember that things change;

 

Glad to hear you had a nice day and that the weather is cooler, it is here, which means I won't have to have the fan on all night tonight.  Yay!

 

All best wishes

 

Neroli 💜

[Tom37]

Thanks Neroli,

 

Yesthe cooler weather have been a nice relief. 19c I think today.

 

I am able to be a bit active and get out and about but definitely not like normal and can’t yet excerise but hopefully in time I will be able to. Always find a gentle walk is good even if not really feeling too well so do that most days.

 

Oh and fans aren’t enough at night up here...it was an ice pack night last night as was 26c at 10pm after 34c earlier!

[mdwstrx]

So happy to hear your day went better.  It's good to know our old selves are in there.... it springs hope to know that in time, things will settle down for good.  

[RachelSusan]

Hi Tom,

Your symptom pattern sounds very much like I went through.  I say this so you will know it's somewhat standard.  It's awful feeling but shouldn't be frightening. You don't mention being frightened but I do bring it up because when it happened to me I was so sure I was going to get stuck in the h*ll hole of withdrawal and it scared the heck out of me. Keep doing exactly what you are doing, which is holding at a steady dose. Thinking of you and hoping for stability for you as soon as possible.

RS

 

 

[Tom37]

Thanks Rachel,

 

Once you stablised did your sleep return to pre withdrawal levels?

 

For me I think it’s wd, physically how I feel and probably wd stress that contribute to not sleeping too well.

 

Another similar night....same sleep pattern. Same symptoms this morning as well. Will just see what instensity they reach. Trying not to think that I will never get better this morning as that makes the day that much more harder....all though feels like a bad Groundhog Day. Think if they were more ‘normal’ symptoms and sleeping without issue probably wouldn’t be get afraid like I do at times.

 

Just frustrating when symptoms stay the same for days on end and just the instensity changes, no actually change in symptoms which makes you afraid still got plenty of suffering to come as not over yet.

[Aquarius]

Its so disheartening...i am very similar to you in symptons but i chickened out and went to docs ...i started 15mg Mirtazapine as was desparate lucky for me i was ok ...it increased my appetite so put back on lost weight i sleep 8 hours and have good days...but bad one today ..mornings are always the worst and now regretting starting these tablets ...will i ever learn 😣 hopefully you will have a change soon just keep believing and know there are fellow sufferers you are not alone with your symptons....

[DaveB]

16 minutes ago, Tom37 said:

Thanks Rachel,

 

Once you stablised did your sleep return to pre withdrawal levels?

 

For me I think it’s wd, physically how I feel and probably wd stress that contribute to not sleeping too well.

 

Another similar night....same sleep pattern. Same symptoms this morning as well. Will just see what instensity they reach. Trying not to think that I will never get better this morning as that makes the day that much more harder....all though feels like a bad Groundhog Day. Think if they were more ‘normal’ symptoms and sleeping without issue probably wouldn’t be get afraid like I do at times.

 

Just frustrating when symptoms stay the same for days on end and just the instensity changes, no actually change in symptoms which makes you afraid still got plenty of suffering to come as not over yet.

 

I know the feeling, this just feels never ending!

[RachelSusan]

Hi Tom,

 

I still had a little insomnia after stabilizing but it continually got better. I occasionally wake up now but for the most part I sleep very well.

 

You may not have plenty of suffering to come, you don't know yet.  The fact that the intensity is lessening is great.  The symptom pattern is very strange indeed. Sometimes it's the same over and over, and other times you get surprised by a new symptom.  For us humans that like to be stable in how we feel, both physically and emotionally it can be a difficult recovery, but then again sometimes not. LOL, how's that for a definitive statement?

 

Hang in there.

R.

[Tom37]

Ok thanks....good to know that if it doesn’t resolve once you feel a lot better that it still can or does get better.

 

Your right about the up and down nature of this and the ‘weird’ sensations/feelings that you get.

[Tom37]

So far a quite a good day....mentally like myself and the physical symptoms are lowest for a long time....just makes the body feel a little bit ‘weird’ but noticeable how much the ‘weird’ feeling has improved in the last months now symptoms are so low. 

 

Hopefully rest of day continues in the same way.

[mdwstrx]

👍 good news again!  Hoping it keeps up for you and you get some good sleep tonight. It’s sounds very promising. 🙏

[DaveB]

Tom, haven’t heard from you for a bit, how are you doing?

[Tom37]

Been a few days....

 

So have been feeling quite a bit better the last 4 or 5 days. Same symptom pattern but have been lot lower in intensity. It’s really just the one main symptom or ‘feeling’ which I can feel in my knees, hands and head. It’s hard to describe. Also no new symptoms for over a week now. 

 

Sleep has been similar although Saturday night got about 6 to 7 hours which is a rarity for me.

 

So probably been around 75 to 80 percent physically which has allowed me to be more active and get things done.

 

Mentally been really good....occasionally get the ‘Will this ever end’ thoughts but on the whole feeling more and more like my self. 

 

Don’t know if in a window as such as I’m thinking this is my baseline at the moment and if it is baseline then definitely on the right track although this is wd so aware could be plunged back into a bad period any moment.

 

Because have been feeling a lot better felt would be good to have bit of a break from posting and to stay of the site as thought a break would do me good.

 

Thanks

[DaveB]

Wow @Tom37 this is awesome news! Congrats man, you deserve it. So glad you are finally getting a break from all of this!

[Altostrata]

Good to hear, Tom. Thanks for checking in. Hang in there.

[eymen23]

Very happy to hear you’ve had a few good days. Sometimes a break from the site and not focusing on your symptoms can do you good. 

 

Let’s hope the improvements keep up. 

Edited February 11, 2019 by eymen23

[mdwstrx]

Great news!  75 to 80% is super!  Glad you checked in to let us know and hoping it holds!

[Tom37]

Thanks everyone.....hopefully it keeps up and just slowly gets better but if have to go backwards to improve then so be it. Just bit scared of getting ‘stuck’ but everything so far shows it continues to get better.

 

Will probably update in a few days again....definitely still thinking about everyone but a break has been good for me.

 

Thanks

[RachelSusan]

Fantastic. So good to hear.

RS

[neroli]

On 2/11/2019 at 11:26 AM, Tom37 said:

everything so far shows it continues to get better.

 

Will probably update in a few days again....definitely still thinking about everyone but a break has been good for me.

Good news, Tom37.

 

Glad the break is helping you.  

 

Best wishes

 

Neroli 💜

[Tom37]

So still going along as I have been. Same symptom pattern from last update and been like that for about ten days I think.

 

Monday and yesterday probably best two days I’ve had at work since this ordeal began. 

 

Had a poor sleep last night as was hot and humid and today feeling very frustrated, fed up even a bit angry and upset about this situation. Think some of it is wd emotions and others my own. 

 

Just get scared that this is it in terms of improvement and won’t get any better and if I do get better how will I be mentally post stabilising after going through this.

 

Probably running around 70/75 percent at the moment.

 

Thats me for now.

[Tom37]

Bit of a tougher day today so thought would journal it.....

 

More just totally fed up with this whole thing and feeling like it will never end and life will never be the same again. Only thing that keeps me going is hope so when   you doubt everything it definitely makes it harder. Definitely some wd created emotions in there aswell to top it off. 

 

Physically symptoms about the same apart from head playing up this afternoon in a different way but that should be short lived like head symptoms usually are.

 

Frustrating when have a bad day emotionally after quite a few better ones so hopefully better day tomorrow.

[DaveB]

50 minutes ago, Tom37 said:

More just totally fed up with this whole thing and feeling like it will never end and life will never be the same again. Only thing that keeps me going is hope so when   you doubt everything it definitely makes it harder. Definitely some wd created emotions in there aswell to top it off. 

 

I know this feeling all too well, justvtry to remember the last few days when things were going much better. It will get back to that and then some soon enough.

[Tom37]

Think my run of feeling better is well and truly over.

 

Should have seen it coming yesterday as emotionally not good, lack of appetite when been eating so normally, poor sleep.

 

Just feeling not well last night with a bad head which is even worse this morning and feeling unwell like I get. Even get bit of a scratchy throat plus go hot etc but not actually sick (had similar before in wd).....Plus all the thoughts of never getting better, no hope and being scared about it all.

 

So hard to go backwards after feeling bit better. This is when you really question how much longer you can cope with it all.

 

Stabilising and me don’t seem to want to meet.

[jozeff]

Hi Tom,

 

I'm sorry you are having trouble right now.

 

I know it is hard to experience bad days after feeling pretty good. It's like a dear friend walking out the door and hoping he will ever come back.....

He most probably will but you don't know when.

 

Are you still on 4 mg of Lexapro?

 

From what I understand this dosage is pretty critical as far as occupancy of receptors are concerned. You tapered linear right? 1 mg every months or so...

It's not strange to hit a wall. You should be fine eventually. Just stay on the dosage and wait.  .... patience is key here.

 

I've been waiting since half August to stabilize. Beginning to feel a bit better lately.

 

Cheers and hang in there!!

 

 

Jozeff