ollie12: My brief, but hellish, experience with Paxil

[ollie12]

Hello everyone.

 

A couple of weeks ago I started developing a state of very high anxiety and started having panic attacks very often. I decided, alongside my family, to visit a psychiatrist because I was feeling like the anxiety was becoming unmanageable.

 

I was prescribed Paxil CR, 12.5mg for one week and instructions to up the dose to 25 after one week of treatment.

 

Paxil made my anxiety way worse, panic attacks became something else, a kind of restlessness I have experienced only when I had a bad trip on acid that made me have a panic attack. I was having very severe experiences of dissociation. I started having intrusive thoughts about self harm and harm, and intrusive paranoid thoughts; I thought I was on the verge of psychosis or developing schizophrenia.

 

I was prescribed Xanax to use as needed, but it would only settle the anxiety, I could still feel it.

 

I feel Paxil made me go from this state of dreadful anxiety to feeling like a zombie.  Last night I decided to quit because I was having really serious concerns about my well being

 

 I emailed my doctor, who told me that I could quit but that he urged me to immediately start on Prozac.  I didn't because, for the life of me, I can't imagine living in this hell any longer.

 

Today I am feeling like my older self, albeit I still feel some restlessness. I wanted to share my story and also ask whether withdrawal side-effects are likely given the dose and the time I was on it (6 days). I have to admit I'm scared that the withdrawal will make my anxiety worse, cause more episodes of dissociation, or make those intrusive thoughts come back. Did I mess up my brain chemistry?

 

Edited November 13, 2018 by ChessieCat
spc and bold

[ChessieCat]

Hi ollie and welcome to SA,

 

From what you have described, it sounds like you may have had a bad reaction to taking the Paxil.  I urge you to be cautious about taking any type of psychiatric drug in the future.

 

35 minutes ago, ollie12 said:

I was prescribed Xanax to use as needed, but it would only settle the anxiety,

 

Q:  Are you still taking Xanax?  You can quickly become addicted to a benzo.  And taking them intermittently can actually end up causing rebound anxiety.

 

30 minutes ago, ollie12 said:

Today I am feeling like my older self, albeit I still feel some restlessness.

 

This is a really good sign.  Please be aware that healing is not linear.  See:  Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

It is going to take time.  We strongly encourage members to use non drug coping techniques to help get through uncomfortable times.  They are also useful for life in general.

 

34 minutes ago, ollie12 said:

A couple of weeks ago I started developing a state of very high anxiety and started having panic attacks very often.

 

Check out Claire Weekes.  She was a doctor who suffered from anxiety and learned and taught ways of coping.  There are videos available on YouTube.

 

Claire Weekes' Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes

 

I suggest you check out these links and gather some tools:

 

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

dealing-with-emotional-spirals

 

Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) for anxiety, depression

 

CBT Course:  An Introductory Self-Help Course in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

Resources:  Centre for Clinical Interventions (PDF modules that you can work through, eg:  Depression, Distress Intolerance, Health Anxiety, Low Self-Esteem, Panic Attacks, Perfectionism, Procrastination, Social Anxiety, Worrying)

 

Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help ...
 

"AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

 

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest.  At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them.  After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them.  So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

 

It can take some practice, but AAF really does work.  I hope you give it a try."

 

This is your own Introduction topic where you can ask questions and journal your progress.

 

[ollie12]

Hi, thank you for moving the thread here and formatting it in a useful way. I am also very thankful for the resources, I have bounced around different places on the net and everyone is very dismissive. None more so than my psychiatrist I guess, he was all for upping the dose and just having me use Xanax to control the anxiety.

Anyhow, from the experiences accumulated on this forum, what are the possibilities for me in terms of what to expect? How far out should I expect symptoms to manifest? I am grateful that today I'm feeling almost back to my old self, I know that every experience is different, but could I expect rebound anxiety, or other symptoms in the following days?

Feeling kinda normal again actually feels weird because of how intense these days have been. Yesterday night, in what I suspect was still the period of activity of the substance in my body, I woke up with my heartrate really accelerated and had this deep fear of hurting my mother, that was sleeping next to me. I never, ever, ever want to go through anything like that again, not do I wish it upon anyone. I was once on Sertraline about 10 years ago and didn't experience anything similar, but I don't want to get within a mile close to a SSRI for now.

[ChessieCat]

You're very welcome.

 

To be honest, we don't know what will happen and/or how long it is going to take.  Your poor brain and nervous system have "taken a hit" and it is going to take time.  You will need to provide your system with as calm and stress free an environment as possible to assist with the healing process.  Worrying about it does not help.  It is what it is.  Acceptance   Eating healthily, getting some gentle exercise, maintaining a good sleep routine are all things that you can do to help. 

 

are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

Some members find that their CNS becomes sensitised.  It is best not to take complexes of anything because you won't know the cause if you react.  Vitamin B6 can be activating.  The only supplements which SA recommends are Magnesium and Omega-3 Fish Oil.  Try a small amount, one at a time, to see how you react.  Keep it Simple, Slow and Stable

 

It's a good idea to keep daily symptom notes so that you can check back to see your recovery.  Sometimes it is so gradual we don't feel like it has happened.  Having it on paper can help with this.

 

There are many existing discussions about a wide variety of topics on SA.  I like to use google and add survivingantidepressants.org to my search term.  I suggest that you research here first about anything that concerns you to see if there is a discussion about it.
 

You are not the only one to have difficulties a medical professional.  I realise these are withdrawal topics but some of the info may be relevant.  See:

 

How do you talk to a doctor about tapering and withdrawal?

What should I expect from my doctor about withdrawal symptoms?

[ollie12]

Would Ashwaganda be OK to deal with a bit of the remaining anxiety?

[Gridley]

If you try it, start with a very low dose.  I had a paradoxical reaction to it (it increased my anxiety).  

[ollie12]

WIll take care that it's not a high dose. I kinda feel like.. super neutral. I even went on youtube to find sad/funny videos to check if I could still cry/laugh, which I thankfully was able to. I've had some intrusive thoughts throughout the day that have to do with my disssociation, they're always about "is this real?", "did I go crazy and am living inside a delusion?", they don't make me feel as anxious as before, well, they are actually not triggering anxiety, and they're also kinda hard to entertain given how life just goes on.. just wanted to put it out there.

It was honestly such a weird and scary experience, I've experienced panic attacks before and I'm acquainted with my own anxiety, but this was a different beast. Almost felt like a panic attack on speed. Horrible. I know that I shouldn't worry, but feeling this normal so quickly makes me super scared that I'm going to have a rebound of ANYTHING I was feeling while on it.

[ChessieCat]

4 hours ago, ollie12 said:

Would Ashwaganda be OK to deal with a bit of the remaining anxiety?

 

If it was me, I'd be trying Magnesium first.  SA only recommends 2 supplements, magnesium and Omega-3 Fish Oil.  Try a small amount of them separately, to see how you respond.  I have found magnesium that it takes the edge off my anxiety.  Several times I have stopped and restarted it and I've noticed the difference every time.  My anxiety has increased a bit over the last couple of days so I have taken a bit extra.

 

Keep it Simple, Slow and Stable

 

It's a good idea to research before trying something new.  There are many existing topics on this site.  I like to use google and add survivingantidepressants.org to my search term.  ashwagandha-herb

[ollie12]

A bit of an update: Today was harder than yesterday. I have been a bit more anxious and restless. Nothing like the effect of Paxil.. but not good either. My partner came over and as we were watching a movie I had a strong episode which I am at a loss how to describe. I want to say it was a panic attack but it didn't feel like one. I started to become a bit dissociated, I've been experiencing depersonalization and derealization, and started to feel something which I am at odds how to understand: I don't know if it were intrusive thoughts that I might seriously harm someone or if it was the actual impulse. I was very scared and started feeling like I would be better off in an institution because I am not safe to be around. As it was happening I was feeling like I was loosing my grasp of reality. I don't know if this is anxiety, panic, and dissociation or something else. I am very sad and tired. I have never been a violent person and I was seriously scared about hurting my partner or my family. I had these images of me being one of those people on the news that become homicidal. It is better now but I feel very defeated and lost.

 

As it was happening I felt that, well, this was it, I was becoming undone. I am scared of developing psychosis and being put on more drugs or something. I don't know what kind of help to look for.

[ChessieCat]

On 11/14/2018 at 10:19 AM, ollie12 said:

Would Ashwaganda be OK to deal with a bit of the remaining anxiety?

 

Did you take any, or something else, before the above happened?

[Winterflower]

Ollie, some reassurance - this sounds like a textbook violent impulse that ssri’s can cause with a severe adverse reaction, (just like some cause suicidal ideation, both are documented in clinical trials if you search for it) it’s not you! serotonin regulates mood and you just fluctuated your levels majorly. i’m not a doctor but i have anxiety and panic attacks as well and i’d say you disassociated in withdrawal, especially if this has never happened before, and Paxil is notorious for being awful to discontinue. I did a ton of research after my own horrible experience on Lexapro, hope that information is helpful and brings you some peace of mind x 

[ollie12]

@ChessieCat, No, I haven't taken anything since I stopped Paxil.

@Winterflower, Thank you, it does reassure me some. I have had some experiences with disassociation in the past, in fact, it happens quite a bit when I'm experiencing high anxiety or panic attacks. I guess it's the combination of extreme agitation that the withdrawal produces, with the dissociation, and the violent impulse, that comes together in the most awful of manners.

After this episode happened I felt a bit better and decided to spend the night at my partners house. We had to take a couple of buses, it was alright at the beggining but it was quite hard to make it through downtown. I guess I was having another experience of depersonalization because everything felt weird and unreal, lights were too bright, sounds were too loud. Made me extremely uncomfortable. As we were walking to meet our Uber I felt really uneasy around other people, I felt a bit paranoid, kinda like they were threatening. There's the knowledge, deep down, that this is not the case, but it just felt super uncomfortable.

When we got to the house I almost immediatly fell asleep, I was so tired. Woke up just to have some quick dinner and still felt kinda out of it, had some brain zaps while eating which were not fun. I think that the violent impulse is associated with a very deep sense of disquiet or a deep discomfort. Sleeping seems to help, I'm a bit shaky now but overall feel better. This is my third day off, so I hope that these symptoms loose strength as time passes. I have windows but right now I feel like I spend them worried of what's next in store.

[Gridley]

 

7 minutes ago, ollie12 said:

I have windows but right now I feel like I spend them worried of what's next in store.

 

This is what Dr. Claire Weekes, who did pioneering work in dealing with anxiety, called "secondary fear" or "fear of the fear."  Her work has helped many people deal with anxiety.

 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes

[bluepm]

Same thing happen to me taking paxil  had bad reaction .   

 

 

[Carmie]

Hi blueprint, 

 

I noticed you wanted to tag a couple of people. What you need to do after you put down the @ and their name is press on the blue box with their name and they will then get a notification. 

 

Take care💚