MikeysMum: Paxil

[MikeysMum]

Hi Everyone. I wish I'd found this site before I began going off Paxil . It's a bit of a blur but I began going off this drug about 18 months ago. My dr at time said just gut down by going to 1/2 dose 1 day a week, then next week halve a dose etc. All was fine, I was doing great until I rushed the last taper because I was feeling great. Had last  10 mg on December 29th last year. 5 or 6 days later severe flu like symptoms, nausea, diarrhoea, anxiety etc. went back to dr who said definitely no connection to coming off Paxil. These symptoms continued with lots of hot sweats, nausea, fear, anxiety. Went back to dr on Feb 12 who suggested I re start Paxil. Took 20 mg on this day. Next morning I collapsed at home. Ended up in hospital with Tachycardia and broken ankle. Cardiologist thought there might be a link between Tachycardia and withdrawal. Home again 2 days later with no recommendations. Anyway symptoms have continued (not as extreme ) but nausea, loose stools, anxiety, fear, tinnitus etc. I don't know what to do. Terrified of re starting Paxil. Don't have a dr who believes that symptoms are withdrawal. Any advice greatly appreciated.  I had been on Paxil for close to 20 years and another AD prior to that.

[ChessieCat]

Hi MikeysMum and welcome to SA,

 

What you are experiencing is withdrawal symptoms from having stopped your Paxil too quickly.  SA recommends tapering by no more than 10% of the current dose followed by a hold of about 4 weeks to allow the brain to adapt to not getting as much of the drug.  Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

When the drug is taken away too quickly we can get withdrawal symptoms:  Dr Joseph Glenmullen's Withdrawal Symptoms

 

The only known way to reduce withdrawal symptoms is to take the same drug that the brain has adapted to.  If you would like to try reinstatement please let us know and we can suggest a dose for you to try.  Please note that will probably suggest a dose that is no more than 5mg.  Please read Post #1 of this topic:   About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

Because your brain will have already made some adaptations during the time you have been off the drug, it is better to start with a lower dose than you last took.  It is better to start with a small dose and increase if needed than to risk taking too much.  The idea of reinstating isn't to get rid of withdrawal symptoms completely but to bring them to a bearable level.  You will need to stay as calm and patient as possible and try not to panic.  When we panic we can make bad decisions.  Some members have panicked and increased too much and/or increased too soon and made things much worse.

 

It generally takes about 4 days for a dose to get to full level in the blood and a bit longer for it to register in the brain.  We suggest that you keep daily symptom notes on paper so you can see the effect that reinstatement is having on your symptoms.  It is also helpful to provide us with those notes so we can assess whether you might need to take a tiny bit more.

 

It is also important to take the same dose, every day, at about the same time.  The brain likes consistency.  Do not skip doses to taper.

 

Once you have stabilised after reinstating, which might take several months, then you can taper following SA's protocol.

 

This topic explains how to get the dose you need:  Tips for tapering off Paxil (paroxetine)

 

Tapering Calculator - Online

 

It would be helpful if you could amend your drug signature and try and give more precise information about dates and doses.  If you don't know exact dates, use early, mid, late.

 

Please use the following format.   Keep it simple.  NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you.

• details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
• summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

 

I will provide some more information in the post.  This is your own introductions topic where your can ask questions about your own situation and journal your progress.

[ChessieCat]

Here's some additional information which might help you to understand what is happening:

 

Recovery isn't linear it happens in a Windows and Waves Pattern

 

Withdrawal Normal Description

When we take a psychiatric drug, we are adding chemical/s to the brain.  The brain then has to change to adapt to getting the chemical/s.  It might have to change something to do with A and then once that change has been made it affects B so another change has to be made and so on down the line.  It is a chain reaction, a domino effect.

 

The same thing happens when we take the drug away.  That's why it's possible to experience such a vast array of withdrawal symptoms, and they can change, and be of different intensity.

 

are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

These explain it really well:

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

On 8/31/2011 at 5:28 AM, Rhiannon said:

When we stop taking the drug, we have a brain that has designed itself so that it works in the presence of the drug; now it can't work properly without the drug because it's designed itself so that the drug is part of its chemistry and structure. It's like a plant that has grown on a trellis; you can't just yank out the trellis and expect the plant to be okay. When the drug is removed, the remodeling process has to take place in reverse. SO--it's not a matter of just getting the drug out of your system and moving on. If it were that simple, none of us would be here. It's a matter of, as I describe it, having to grow a new brain. I believe this growing-a-new-brain happens throughout the taper process if the taper is slow enough. (If it's too fast, then there's not a lot of time for actually rebalancing things, and basically the brain is just pedaling fast trying to keep us alive.) It also continues to happen, probably for longer than the symptoms actually last, throughout the time of recovery after we are completely off the drug, which is why recovery takes so long.

 

AND

 

On 12/4/2015 at 2:41 AM, apace41 said:

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.  

 

[MikeysMum]

Thank you so much for your quick response.  Those links are very helpful and I am surrently reading through much of the content on this site. I'm sitting on the fence regarding reinstatement  of Paxil. Just trying to listen to my body and acknowledge that all the awful things I'm experiencing is my nervous system trying to heal. I found the article by apace41 very helpful. I will try and adjust my signature soon.

[Carmie]

Hi MikeysMum,

 

I wanted to welcome you to SA as well. Listening to your body is really the best way to go. Once you’re off the meds the only thing that might help is reinstating a little bit, but it doesn’t always work, and a few times it’s made things worse. It has helped a lot of people though, especially if it’s done not long after you’ve come off the meds. Before I knew anything about medications and tapering I updosed once and it worked for me, but it was a week after I tapered too quickly. 

 

You will eventually heal whether you reinstate or not. We all heal no matter what we’ve gone through. I’ve been on and off a myriad of things myself, I’m tapering off Seroquel now. My downward medication and withdrawal journey started with chronic pain. It would be great if we knew when we would heal. Some people heal quickly and others take many years to heal. 

 

The “ Are We There Yet, How Long Is Withdrawal Going To Take” article is really good to have a read of. You may have read it by now. 

 

If you do decide to reinstate please let us know. 

 

Wishing you all all the best in your recovery.💚

[Altostrata]

Welcome, mikeys.

 

You had classic withdrawal symptoms and your doctor should have known it. How have your symptoms changed in the last month?

 

If you decide to reinstate, you might try a very small amount, perhaps 1mg Paxil or 1mg Prozac. Prozac may be easier to taper later. Both drugs come in prescription liquid form.

[MikeysMum]

Thanks Altostrata and Carmie. In the first 6 weeks after my last 10 mg dose late Dec 2018  (apart from the 20 mg tablet I took on drs advice day before I collapsed on feb 13th) my symptoms were quite acute. Trembling, aches and pains, nausea, diarrhoea, very emotional, despair, sore liver, tinnitus, hot flushes, sweats and what I now know to be Tachycardia . I must say that over the last week my symptoms seem to have stabilised. They are not as extreme. I don't have much appetite most of the time, soft stools, intermittent sleep, feeling depressed and flat but not extreme. Still getting hot flushes but not extreme. I'm just letting my body have its way really. Watching lots of gentle TV which I haven't really done much of before (Golden Girls giving me smiles). After reading on this forum I'm aware that the 3 month mark could be traumatic so I will try and find a dr willing to listen and will re instate minute doses if necessary. My broken ankle is restricting my movements which has given me reason not to have to socialise etc which is great but will appreciate a gentle walk when I'm out of plaster. Seeing cardiologist on Tuesday and hoping he can offer reassurance as he was the only medical person who thought my symptoms could be linked to the AD withdrawal. I'm aware I may still be in honeymoon phase but I can only take each day as it comes. Thanks for your replies. So glad I found this forum albeit a little too late to do this whole WD properly. 

[Carmie]

Hi MickeysMum, 

 

Glad to hear that your symptoms aren’t as extreme now.

 

Sending hugs💚

[MikeysMum]

Thank you Carmie. I fell in a heap over the last few days re symptoms. Felt very nauseas, extremely tired and quite depressed. However yesterday afternoon I began to feel better, ate a normal dinner and by evening felt almost back to normal. Saw my new medical practitioner again to follow up on blood tests. She's concerned about the gut issues, (nausea, soft stools, lack of appetite). My iron levels are low and she's now ordered a gastroscope and colonoscopy. This dr doesn't want to engage about whether symptoms are WD (previous dr didn't either) so is referring me to a pyschiatrist to discuss. I felt so much worse after see ing this general practitioner today because I began to fear I had something seriously wrong.  However I've just been doing more reading on this site and realise that gut issues, neuro emotions, sweats etc are part and parcel of WD so I feel much better. I'm aware that anxiety could take over  at this point so the more I read the better as it normalises what I'm going through. Still dealing with broken ankle which makes even gentle exercises hard. I will see the psych when I get an appointment and just see what she has to say. I've decided not to re instate at this point but not ruling it out either. I am so very grateful for this forum. Thanks so much to the admins and contributors. It sheds a light on the hell that these drugs can cause when in WD and I'm yet to find a medical professional who will agree or at least acknowledge that this could be a thing. Although the heart specialist didn't rule it out either. Thanks again. I just had some lunch and feeling delighted to actually feel hungry. It's the small things hey xxxx

[ChessieCat]

13 minutes ago, MikeysMum said:

I'm aware that anxiety could take over  at this point

 

We strongly encourage members to learn and use non drug coping techniques to help get through discomfort and tough times.

 

Understanding what is happening helps us to not get caught up with the second fear, or fear of the fear.  This happens when we experience sensations in our body and because we don't understand them we are scared of them and then start to panic.

 

This document has a diagram of the body explaining what happens in the body when we become anxious:

 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/AnxietySelfHelp.pdf

 

Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help ...

 

Audio FEMALE VOICE:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

 

Audio MALE VOICE:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

dealing-with-emotional-spirals

 

Dr Claire Weekes suffered from anxiety and learned and taught ways of coping.  There are videos available on YouTube.

 

Claire Weekes' Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes

 

CBT Course:  An Introductory Self-Help Course in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

 

Resources:  Centre for Clinical Interventions (PDF modules that you can work through, eg:  Depression, Distress Intolerance, Health Anxiety, Low Self-Esteem, Panic Attacks, Perfectionism, Procrastination, Social Anxiety, Worrying)

 

On 4/28/2017 at 4:03 AM, brassmonkey said:

 

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

 

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest.  At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them.  After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them.  So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

 

It can take some practice, but AAF really does work.  I hope you give it a try.

 

 

[Carmie]

Hi MickeysMum, 

 

I’m glad you felt delighted in feeling hungry. It really is the small things that brighten our day when going through withdrawals.

 

Yes, all the symptoms you are getting are common in withdrawals. I’ve had all sorts of symptoms that I never knew were withdrawals, until I found this site. I’ve had ear aches, toothaches, burning mouth etc etc. 

 

Wishing you all the best in your healing journey 💚

[MikeysMum]

Thanks ChessieCat and Carmie. Ive had a quick look at the resources above and they make sense. I listen to Tara Brach a bit (mediation teacher ) when I can't sleep. I don't think I've ever really had much anxiety . Was originally put on AD for eating disorder and depression. But I guess if my CNS is under so much pressure and chemicals running amok then the physical symptoms in my gut are mimicking anxiety. After feeling so good after eating today I fell deeply in a hole. Severe nausea and dizziness. Can't believe that yesterday afternoon and evening I had begun to feel so normal and now this! Definitely Windows and waves. I've started keeping a record of symptoms. 

[MikeysMum]

Topic title:  Need encouragement

 

Hi Everyone. I'm sorry the info in my signature isn't great. I had no knowledge of correct way to taper and just went on drs advice. As you can see I've been of Paxil since late December 2018 apart from 2 disastrous reinstatements. First one (on drs advice)  put me in hospital after collapse with Tachycardia and I ended up with broken ankle. Second reinstatement (drs advice )made me sicker so I stopped. I've been really sick with extreme nausea, diarrhoea and neuro-emotions. No medical professional will accept its withdrawal. Lots of medical tests. Nothing else showing up except for low sodium and low iron.  Had a few windows early on but mostly waves.  Anyway, I've just begun to experience some relief from physical symptoms.  I have some appetite and bowel is a bit more normal. The thing I'm really struggling with is the   Despair I'm feeling. I've felt pretty low in the past even on Paxil but this sense of hopelessness is awful. I have no energy at all and the bleakness is frightening. I got some great responses in my intro topic and I've read through them all and more on this site.  I'm hoping that the fact that some of my physical symptoms are easing means I might get more windows. I've got a 21 yr old daughter with a disability who really needs me to be emotionally and physically available which has been incredibly difficult for both of us. I've got a wonderful husband but he can only do so much. I guess I'm just looking for encouragement and tips to get through this despair. Thanks for listening. I know I've screwed up the tapering and reinstatements but honestly went in drs advice. I'm on nothing now and would be terrified to try anything.

 

Edited April 24, 2019 by ChessieCat
added topic title

[JB1234]

I’ve been on SSRI s for 25 years. I  am tapering very slow off Celexa and I still experience terrible discontinuation. Many years ago I was on Paxil and decided to try to stop. The doctor didn’t let me try to go down in increments. So I quit Paxil cold turkey without knowing that I was in for a terrible surprise. I went from well to unable to function. Paxil has the shortest half-life.  Some of The SSRIs come in liquid form which can make tapering easier. I am still experiencing hell from this ...so you are not alone.

Do you have a wellness plan? Make sure sleep enough, go exercise, eat well?  

[MikeysMum]

Hi JB. Thanks for responding. I don't have a wellness plan. I'm finding it hard to eat again today so sticking to healthy food is difficult and has been almost impossible. Back to  Sustagen today I guess. Sleeping is hit and miss too. I'm still recovering from broken ankle so exercise is difficult but to be honest it's just pure lack of motivation.  Do you have any coping strategies that work for you? I feel so alone as even my dr has given up and doesn't know what to do. She has referred me back to Gastroenterologist which I know isn't the answer. 

[JB1234]

Well you need to find someone you can talk to aside from your spouse. This is important someone who won’t judge and will simply listen.  I think any hobby you might have is also very useful. I rekindled my interest in playing guitar and singing. For me this has a meditative effect. So if you have something you can do in free moments knitting, reading, scrapbooking, anything to soothe your mind. Then even though your ankle is not healed maybe going outside if you can’t walk must just going outside and getting some sun and fresh air. Thats all i have for now.  Good luck

[MikeysMum]

Thanks so much JB. All the best for your journey 😊

[Eqqnok]

Im in protracted antipsychotic withdrawal. I didn't know what to do about shopping for food, since i couldnt stay in the store if there was to much noise. So i figured i try and order grocery online, and it works great.

I don't eat a specific diet. I hear music when i can, watch withdrawal videoes, read facts about a city or drink water. 

 

Edited April 20, 2019 by Eqqnok

[JB1234]

10 hours ago, MikeysMum said:

Thanks so much JB. All the best for your journey 😊

Any time 👍🏼 

[MikeysMum]

Hi Eqqnok. Sounds like a good idea to do online shopping. Withdrawal is absolute hell for me so my heart goes out to you. I am surviving by immersing myself in tv and trying to find hopeful audios and meditations online. I've never been much of a tv watcher but it's all I can do at the moment. Best of luck with your journey too. It's a lonely road.

[bunchesofoats]

Hi MikeysMum, I agree with JB about finding something that soothes you. I don't know if you have any resistance to that, I know I have, but making that effort to find ways to self-soothe is helping me a lot. Connecting with a hobby you can get into is great like JB said, and doing something relaxing for the senses like taking an epsom salt bath or using essential oils like lavender (shown to have anxiolytic effects https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378874113001840, https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fphar.2017.00280/full). Try things out, see how they make you feel, and keep doing the things you notice make you feel better, little by little. 

[JB1234]

Thanks for leaving the article reference.  It’s good to see some science behind claims

[MikeysMum]

Hi Bunchesofoats. Thanks for that advice. My nausea and lethargy are back with a vengeance as are the hot flushes. I think I have to just commit to trying something each day (apart from watching endless tv) that might help. We don't have a bath but I will definitely try an Epsom salts footbath. I did try that very early on when my dr just thought I had flu and I think it helped. The last 2 days I have made myself go for a gentle walk around the block. This experience has been.......words like pure hell, demoralising, come to mind. It is giving me insight in to how others might experience chronic illness, distressing, disabling symtoms etc. I'm finding that listening to guided meditations  help me through the night. I have an app on my phone called Insight Timer which is free and has all sorts of guided meditations. So for the rest of today I committ to showering, a foot bath, trying to spend time with my kids and husband and maybe looking for some online word game I can indulge in. Thank you all for your replies. This experience is so humbling in a weird way. I've been a confident, outgoing, 'can do' person for so long and this WD has stripped me of everything. I am a sick, quivering, scared mess. And some of m friends aren't comfortable with this me and they have disappeared.  But after  reading so much I know that I will heal. I know that all this discomfort means I am healing. I know that I will emerge a kinder, more resilient person. Thanks again. 

[bunchesofoats]

I've had some of the same thoughts regarding increased insight into others' experience of chronic illness! And I also use insight timer every day :). There's one meditation I really like and I've gotten used to listening to it first thing in the morning before I even get out of bed. It really helps me even get out of bed. The rest of your experience also resonates a lot with me. I've definitely backed away from friends who wanted to force my experience into a box that was comfortable for them, and I've now taken a very different view of many of my friendships. Sounds like you've got some good focus on important priorities and ways to care for yourself.

 

Love the idea of a foot bath. My bath actually doesn't work (I use the one at my boyfriend's place), but for my place I bought lavender epsom salt shower gel and had a candle lit shower tonight. It took me a long time to even connect with self-care but now that I have it really helps.

 

Nice job going for some walks especially with your ankle in recovery! That must've taken an incredible amount of strength. Go you!

[MikeysMum]

Thanks so much bunchesofoats. Really appreciate the encouragement. 😊

[MikeysMum]

So today I had follow up appointment with gastroenterologist after colonoscopy and gastroscopy. I already knew that the results were fine but now he wants me to have CT scan in case there's anything 'nasty' lurking. I'm so tired of tests, tests and more tests. But I suppose I also don't want anything missed.  Haven't yet found a dr who is ready to commit to WD theory but I guess it's early days. Today I made myself go for a gentle bike ride, did 2 minutes of yoga at home and spent an hour visiting an elderly neighbour. I really think finding the balance between doing stuff whilst being aware of over taxing the nervous system is something that will help me.

[Tweet]

need encouragement. Once again, I acted up and ruined the day (Easter Sunday) for my whole family. I woke up depressed and anxious, as usual, not having been able to shut my mind off for the last 4 nights in a row. Last night I had slept pretty well though, so why act up today? 

I began thinking about my husband a few weeks ago saying we need to cut back on eating out. This meant I need to pack everyone lunches for after church (1.25 hours away) instead of eating out. I was not exactly happy about the added stress and had not been handling it well, but was trying. I get very agitated, depressed and anxious when cooking gets too complicated these days, go figure. This Sunday morning I was convinced since he said nothing about doing something special that he was going to make me pack lunches again, and not do anything special so I was already mad at him when he woke up. We hadn’t even talked about it yet! I had no real idea what he had planned yet! But here I was, unable to bridle my anger, hurt, and disappointment. I made a few wry comments and it was revealed to me that they had planned to take me out to the place of my choice for our anniversary dinner the next day, Monday. My sons looked at me hopefully. But this still didn’t get me off my husbands trail!

 I prepared a delicious breakfast for my 2 young adult sons, but the oldest one sensed my attitude, which I had thought I was hiding and announced he would not be going along because he was tired. When the younger one, already in the truck ready to go, heard this and saw me teary-eyed he said if we were not all going then he wasn’t going either.

So my husband and I sat there in the truck as it dawned on me that once again I had DONE it! Wrecked everything for everyone with my self-consumed emotions. I had a snot-slinging fit inside the truck in the driveway crying, screaming, shouting for God to kill me because the horrible guilt that I know so well by now was going to once again consume me. I slumped into floorboard in absolute loss of control. I beat the console, the windows. I begged my husband to check me in to the mental hospital because I couldn’t do this to my family anymore. He told me he would, if I wanted (he was almost crying too, he is so worn from going through this with me), but that all they would do is shoot me up with the same kind of addictive drugs and make a zombie out of me. 

He drove on to church, and the sermon was just what I needed to hear: I can do anything as a Christian because Jesus rose again. Whatever my struggles they will not and cannot last forever....I sat there and cried right in the pew. 

I wanted to salvage our day as a family so I suggested we pick up bbq and take it home where we and our sons could all eat together. It worked out well, but later in the afternoon I felt so bad I wanted to die. (Not suicidal though, just it would be nice...)

I am sooooo worn down a few weeks shy of one year after CT off Prozac. So is my family. Our marriage. 

I just hope someone here can help me to have some hope. 

It has been so long. The suffering, the uncertainty of ever being well again, the crazy thoughts and symptoms.

I am feeling better this evening, but oh how ashamed and guilty I feel.

Am I really Insane?

Am I the only one flipping out like this? I have not really “lost it” like this since December.

I have gotten so much better since then...

 

•  

[JB1234]

Hi @Tweet I went to your post and I am responding as I see that you are having a difficult time and your experience needs to be validated in some sense.  It sounds like your husband and your two adult sons love you very much.  I am an adult son of a mother who has an on going alcohol problem and I suffer much from that as well as the SSRI discontinuation symptoms.  I know you didn’t say anything about substance abuse... but the guilt, shame, depression,  hopeless is a part of this struggle for many situations. My only advice to you is to give yourself a break and not have such high expectations for yourself. I have to routinely do this and when I don’t I am not well.  Please take a huge step back from all of the frustration and stop struggling with that.  I agree that you will be better off NOT going to a hospital.  You need to talk to someone and you need to communicate with your sons and husband so they understand your internal experience. This might be a good way to clear the air and get everyone on board for supporting you in your recovery. My own problems are feeling very terrible and overwhelming right now. I tear up a bit reading what you wrote and writing a response. maybe helping others keeps me away from being locked on to my own negativity.

 

best wishes, 

 

 

[MikeysMum]

Hi Tweet. I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. It sounds like you are very very hard on yourself. Our body's and brains are struggling so much during this process. It's really important (from my perspective) to acknowledge that at any given time you are doing the best you can with what you've got. You seem to be beating up on yourself so much when maybe what you need is to go gently on yourself. Self forgiveness and positive self talk ('my emotions really spun out of control today but I know that's WD. How can I be kind to myself despite my fear/anger/anxiety 'etc'. I know that the harder I am on myself the more intense my emotions and self-loathing lurks. You are being a very generous mum making your families lunches etc too despite what you are going through. I note your Christian faith and I think God/Jesus would be metaphorically just wanting to hold you and soothe you and might whisper 'go gently'. None of us are perfect and this journey with WD has personally bought me to my knees in absolute terror. Sometimes it's all I can do to just keep breathing and praying even though at times I no longer know who or what I am praying to. I've had a couple of better days which have given me hope. I haven't read any previous posts of yours as I'm still really new here so I'm just responding to your post above. Sometimes I just wrap myself in a blanket and keep repeating this too will past. Little things that have helped me recently thanks to encouragement from others (above): foot bath with Epsom salts very soothing, watching something nice or funny on tv with a cup of tea, listening to a favourite faith speaker/author via YouTube (I love Richard Rohr), acknowledging and accepting my feelings and sort of making room for them. Actually for me allowing and accepting the feelings/emotions often takes the power away. I listen to Tara Brach a lot too (free talks online) who has done brilliant advice re this stuff. Go gently with yourself. Be kind to you. You are going through such a horrible time but remember that this too will pass. Xxxxx

[Rosetta]

Hi.  Thanks for your post on my thread.  I'm sure your tests will all turn out fine, but it will be nice to know that is the case.  I'm sorry you are trying to care for someone in the midst of this.  It's really very hard.  Take care, Rosetaa

[Tweet]

MikeysMum I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your understanding response. So much of what you said was right on target. 

I am definitely going to look into your suggestions. I feel very much strengthened by your caring response!

I like how you are focusing on others, too, like your elderly neighbor. 

It is so easy to get self consumed in our suffering and thinking of and doing things for others really helps with this. For example, I have a couple of elderly widows I visit. 

They have no idea what I am going through stuff all, and that I need to visit them as much as they need me to visit.

😉

Just FYI I took every test known to man during the first 6 months of paws. I know what you are going through. 

It IS good to check though.

Hope yours come out fine.

 

[MikeysMum]

Thanks Tweet. Go gently and be kind to yourself. I've had a couple of great days where I thought I had turned the corner. Then wham....hit by a huge wave, emotions everywhere, despair, nausea, insomnia. I get so down on myself and I've just realized this contributes to the problem. Accepting the symptoms, saying 'this too' , just acknowledging that this is WD and part of my nervous system re setting is crucial I think (for me anyway). The more I tense up and reject the symptoms the worse it becomes. It's a very lonely road and I truly feel for you and others going through this. There is so little awareness and understanding around this. My husband read through some information I found on this site and it has helped him to understand.

On 3/14/2019 at 8:26 PM, ChessieCat said:

Here's some additional information which might help you to understand what is 

Recovery isn't linear it happens in a Windows and Waves Pattern

 

Withdrawal Normal Description

 

 

 

I showed him all this above. Take care xxxxx How are you feeling now?

[Tweet]

Better thanks. I have begun swimming 2 days per week and I think it is sending my anxiety/irritability over the top. Bad sleep too. I just keep apologizing and my husband keeps forgiving....And I remember these posts and what they say about taking it easy on myself...😊

Hopefully I won't have to give up the swimming 😬

Hope you are doing well too

[MikeysMum]

I have another question that I'm hoping others can respond to. I'm 4 months in to WD (after much too fast tapering) and I'm getting new symptoms. My main symptoms of nausea, diarrhea and horrible neuro-emotions are still there but getting lovely brief windows. I have more of an appetite most days so can eat small meals. The intense fear etc is just awful but I'm managing usin the non drug techniques mentioned in this forum. The new symptom is flu like with very sore achey joints and exhaustion. I had this early on in the first week or so after stopping Paxil but that was all. Now  it's hit with a vengeance that even paracetamol doesn't touch. On Thursday I went for a walk, the longest I've tempted since WD and breaking my ankle. I barely made it home as my joints seemed to seize up in my legs, knee etc. I do have arthritis in my right knee but had been okay pre WD with daily exercises etc. Now my knee is just so painful as is rest of body. My guess is that the walk I did (only 2 kms) was too much for my nervous system. I had stopped at a friends house too for an hour near home and even engaging in intense conversation seems to throw my nervous system. So does windows and waves include rotation of symptoms. For example, weeks of gut issues, then some resolving, then a new intense symptom emerging etc? Grateful for any input. To be honest I would rather the physical pain any day to the fear and anxiety but I'm just feeling a bit miserable at the moment.

 

edited to add: I've just found 'arthritis' topic in forum so am reading this as well.

Edited May 4, 2019 by MikeysMum

[RichT]

Hi MikeysMum,

 

I am withdrawing from Abilify and I can completely relate to what you say. Symptoms for me do come and go without rhyme or reason. For example, for the past two weeks I have had quite intense muscle pains in my arms and legs, which i’ve not had before, and now those symptoms have started to fade away again. Like you I’d rather have the physical symptoms than fear and anxiety. They are so hard to bear, aren’t they?

 

R

[MikeysMum]

Thanks for responding RichT. Yes those pychological symptoms scare the ***** out of me. Never experienced them before WD and they have bought me to my knees. However, so far I am managing to cope with them. One of the hardest things for me about all this is the inconsistency and not knowing what each day will bring. And no-one understands unless you've been through it. A few weeks ago I went out for lunch with friends and assured them I was feeling better etc. The last few days I've been almost bed ridden. My friends don't accept the whole WD thing and think I should keep seeking other answers from dr. I've had so many tests and thanks to this forum I know it's WD.  Hard too on my family. Ah well it looks like I need to go back to reading all the 'acceptance' stuff and trying to go with the flow.