BreathofAir: dual taper mistake

[Sassenach]

Rachel mytransport office was in thackley 2 miles from salts mill and one mile down from five lane ends so definitely not too posh thought you were have a good day enjoy the party

[BreathofAir]

Having a very very difficult day.  Waiting for my daughter to come home from school to celebrate her birthday.  All I have done is cry all day, even when doing small jobs. 

 

I have so much emotional dysregulation and feel so uncomfortable all the time - a combination of nausea, noisy head, agitation and distress and spikes of severe anxiety.  My appetite has completely gone again.  

 

I can function, but under extreme discomfort.  Everything feels unpleasant and abnormal.  

 

I am four weeks into reinstatement and two weeks post up-dose and I don’t feel that ANY of the medication is helping me and I am VERY scared today.  I need to find some courage again.  Am I just hoping for something too soon?  Am I feeling a combination of withdrawal and Escitalopram start-up, or just horrible withdrawal?  

 

At night, I am full of resolve for the following day, and each day, for the last few days, I have felt worse during the day, and it is making me feel more hopeless.  I am trying so hard, but it just fights back harder.  Arrrghhh....

 

I hope everyone else’s day is going better.  Bless you all. 

 

Xxxxxxxxxxccc

[Sassenach]

Hi Rachel

 

I know you will not believe this but you are describing exactly how I have been feeling for the last few days.

Except I have not lost my appetite, greedy pig I am.

Someone hit the switch an hour ago and I am up and running again.

Go enjoy the party, once you start you are away.

Tell us later how it went.

Happy birthday to your daughter.

 

Sassenach

[Sassenach]

Hi you

 

How did the party go?

[BreathofAir]

Hi Sassenach, 

 

It was just a little gathering.  She was so pleased. I managed to sit with everyone and eat.  In the afternoon I was trying to help put her trampoline together with my friend, but it was so complicated. I ended up cutting the grass instead on my old banger little ride on. At least I can still operate that.  Snowey has been to the pamper parlour this morning and looks like a new man. They’ve done a beautiful job on him. He looks very smart.  I was going to ask if they could do something me with as well! I look like a banshee with hallow eyes, sunken cheeks and my hair looks like something that grows in a fish tank.  It sounds preposterous to be too anxious to go to the hairdressers, but in Canada I had a dreadful panic attack right in the middle of one and spilled all my Lorazepams all over the floor. It was so pathetic.  Then my husband was not impressed (default setting) when I came out and asked what on Earth had they done to me, as I looked like Hillary Clinton.  I have dark wavy hair and they’d straightened it and made me blonde!  I hadn’t taken much notice, I was too busy shutting my eyes and trying not to pass out. 

 

What’s been happening with you anyway?  If you’re feeling better this evening, you don’t need to elaborate. I know we all go up and down from day to day.  I wish I knew what the meds were doing.  I definitely feel more anxiety breaking through compared to being at 5mg. I’m going to have to look at the Lorazepam and maybe split the dose throughout the day. I don’t know.  The crying seems almost like a panic attack.  Trying to do normal activities like shop just distresses me because it feels so abnormal and pointless right now.  Just got to keep plugging away I know. 

 

It it is a small world indeed. I also used to work at Greengates, near Thackley. Seems a lifetime ago. I’m not comfortable going back down “home” too often - lots of painful memories.  The counsellor has already started digging and I don’t know if it’s a good thing at this stage or not. 

 

I hope you’re ok in yourself.  Thank you for being honest. Not that I want you to suffer! I just like to understand people. 

Not sure where all this rain is coming from, but I suppose it’s good for the trees. We have a lot of old oaks around and they were parched last summer.  A little bit of sun would be nice though at some point. 🌞

 

We’ll see what tomorrow brings anyway. Hope you’re having a nice evening. 

Bless you, sleep well and heal well. 

R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Kostas]

Hi boa, 

I am admiring your humor despite the tremendous difficulties! 

People with good sense of humor, never ever going to fail, in finding their way through! 

Best wishes 

[BreathofAir]

Thank you @Kostas

 

You’re very kind.  Thank you for popping by.  How are you? 

 

Yes, I certainly wish I could laugh myself out of this horrid swamp 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

 

I see you’re hogging all the sun over in Athens right now.  It’s dismal here. 

 

As Heraclitus said “There is nothing permanent except change”.  

 

Well change the weather please and lift us all out of this swamp! 

 

Best wishes to you and bless you for your encouragement. 

R xxxxxxxxx

 

🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

[RichT]

2 hours ago, BreathofAir said:

It it is a small world indeed. I also used to work at Greengates, near Thackley. Seems a lifetime ago. I’m not comfortable going back down “home” too often - lots of painful memories.  The counsellor has already started digging and I don’t know if it’s a good thing at this stage or not. 

 

Hi Rachel,

 

Glad to hear things went well with your daughter’s party. 

 

I think at the moment it’s a very bad idea to start working on issues from the past. You’ve got enough to cope with in the here and now. I’m surprised your counsellor doesn’t see that, to be honest. 

 

warmest wishes,

 

Rich

[Mewr]

Glad your daughter enjoyed the party!  Will write soon!

 

Feel good, xxxxxMaria

[Sassenach]

Hi Rachel

Before you change your dose ask yourself

Did you enjoy the party

Did your daughter enjoy the party

Did you enjoy being together

If the answer to the above is yes please speak to the mods before changing your dose

You are doing well even though you don't seem to think so

Sleep tight sassenach

[Sassenach]

Good morning Rachel.

Another Day

Your own speed in your own time and avoid any confrontation stay calm.

You got me confused now.

I thought you were a well educated apparently brunette.

Now it seems you could be a giddy blonde.

Will think on that today and write tonight.

Sassenach

[BreathofAir]

Good morning Sassenach, 

 

Did you manage to fit in a sun dance for us yesterday evening? I must say you have quite a bag of those little golden nugget compliments. Were you a teacher’s favourite at school by any chance?   I wouldn’t say well-educated in the grand scheme of things, just a wide taste in reading matter, having grown up in a family that preferred to keep their noses stuffed in a book rather than talk to each other!  I’m definitely a brunette, but yes, giddy would be a good word to describe me - not perhaps under the present circumstances. 

 

Hope things are good for you this morning and you slept well. I am about to go in search of jobs to keep my anxious mind and twitching hands busy, as best I can. 

 

Regarding my dose, I am going to talk to my GP tomorrow.  My gut feeling is that the 7.5mg is not enough and will necessitate me staying on the Lorazepam too long whilst still struggling with a level of anxiety that keeps me from caring for my daughter alone anyway.  I understand all the principles laid out here, but l’m torn. It’s not impatience, it’s recognising that I can’t be supported indefinitely. 

 

Catch you later anyway.  Have a great day. 🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳

xxxxxxxxx

 

 

[Songbird]

15 hours ago, BreathofAir said:

The counsellor has already started digging and I don’t know if it’s a good thing at this stage or not. 

 

I don't think this is a good idea at the moment.  What your system needs right now is peace and calm.

[Kostas]

17 hours ago, BreathofAir said:

Thank you @Kostas

 

You’re very kind.  Thank you for popping by.  How are you? 

 

Yes, I certainly wish I could laugh myself out of this horrid swamp 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

 

I see you’re hogging all the sun over in Athens right now.  It’s dismal here. 

 

As Heraclitus said “There is nothing permanent except change”.  

 

Well change the weather please and lift us all out of this swamp! 

 

Best wishes to you and bless you for your encouragement. 

R xxxxxxxxx

 

🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

Hi R, 

I m doing fine, 7 years now off any drug. Soon the same for you as well! 

We have plenty of sunshine here,and over the weekend Iam going to my island in Syros for plenty of swimming. 

I have done my PhD in biochemistry at Essex University, and lived and worked in England back in the 80s for a few years. 

I am always fond of your country, visiting various places, and few months ago have been in Bath and Cotswold, enjoying the area. 

Last year in Scotland! 

Wishing you speedy recovery! 

[BreathofAir]

Hi @RichT

 

Yes, you are right. She was asking me what is causing me anxiety right now and I explained that besides how bad I felt and frightened, my husband and mother were not helping by expecting too much of me.  So she jumped on to that. I was just hoping for more help with some coping techniques really and ways of working towards positive thinking.  I have a session on Friday so will try and request things go in that direction, away from major triggers! 

 

How are you doing? Hope you are feeling well today and your energy levels are improving. 

 

R xxxxxxx

[sunnysideup69]

7 hours ago, Songbird said:

 

I don't think this is a good idea at the moment.  What your system needs right now is peace and calm.

Ok, the main thing at the moment would be to STABILISE you, not start digging into anything else. That's just a really bad idea, IMO. Totally agree with Songbird x

 

And hello, and thanks for my lovely messages. Just catching up with all the news on the thread now. Hope you're okay.

Ruth x

[BreathofAir]

Dear @Songbird and @Shep

 

I hope you are both well. 

 

Please could I request some moderator input and nothing too scary please, as I am trying to build my confidence and coping skills. 🙂

 

It’s been 4 weeks for me now since I reinstated my Escitalopram and 10 days since being on 7.5mg.  I have now also been on 1mg Lorazepam for 4 weeks.  

 

Since reinstating my sleep has improved, I am not bed-bound, my appetite is better, I can drive and go out by myself. I am also able to socialise in small amounts. 

Because I am taking the Lorazepam it is difficult to measure any improvement in my anxiety and agitation. I am worst in the mornings with burning arms and hands and have spikes throughout the day where I feel extremely on edge.  I feel that the Lorazepam is less effective than it was two weeks ago.  I am best in the evenings with a noticeable difference in mood and anxiety level. 

I have little interest in doing things I enjoy and cry frequently during the day. I cannot tolerate tv and struggle to read normal books.  I have a lot of emotional dysregulation, but not rage. 

 

In as much as I understand I need to keep things stable and be patient I am concerned about the Lorazepam and whether this is keeping my mood very low, or whether this is simply withdrawal and a consequence of my anxiety.  

I was considering several options:

 

1. Change nothing for the next two weeks, then review again. 

2. Split the Lorazepam dose throughout the day. Am and Pm and see if this has any effect on mood and anxiety level during the day. 

3. Increase the Escitalopram next week to 8.5mg. 

 

I would be very grateful for any input on my thoughts or any alternative suggestions. 

 

Thank you so much.  Best wishes, 

R xxxxxx

[Songbird]

I'm glad to see you've had some improvements, that's a good sign that the reinstatement is working.  I wouldn't change anything right now. 

 

It would be helpful for us if you could keep daily notes and post them here.  Include time of day,  drugs/supplements with doses, and symptoms experienced.  This will help us to see patterns, and in particular what's happening with the lorazepam.  Here's an example of the kind of thing we want (note this is just a made-up example):

 

23 June

7 a.m. woke up, anxiety 3/10

8 a.m. ate breakfast, took 20mg Prozac tablet

10 a.m. anxiety 7/10, nausea 3/10

12 p.m. ate lunch, anxiety 5/10, nausea 1/10

2 p.m. anxiety 4/10, nausea 2/10

6 p.m. ate dinner, took magnesium tablet 200mg, anxiety 2/10, no nausea

8 p.m. anxiety 1/10

11 p.m. went to bed, anxiety 2/10, difficulty falling asleep for 2 hours

4 a.m. woke up, no anxiety, went back to sleep for 3 hours

 

[BreathofAir]

 

Hi @Songbird

 

Thank you for your reply.  My symptom pattern is the same every day and has been since I updosed from 2.5mg of Escitalopram. 

My anxiety is mid to high level throughout the day with frequent bouts of crying and my mood is consistently low.  I function at a low level, but I feel day-by-day my anxiety and mood are getting worse.  Only after 8pm do I feel a small improvement. 

 

My GP today said he wanted me to updose to 10mg because of my consistently low mood and high anxiety.  I am functioning under duress because my mother is expecting it, but I am not comfortable. It is causing a lot of emotional distress. 

 

I don’t believe I have improved enough over the last month and feel very scared about my state of mind.  

Please could you explain a bit more why you believe the reinstatement is working, because I don’t see it myself. 

 

Thank you for your time, I very much appreciate it. 

R 

xxxxxxxxxxxx

[Sassenach]

Tell your mother to leave you alone. You don't need her if she cannot respect your decisions.

[BreathofAir]

She’s the only person who can help look after my daughter right now unfortunately.  It doesn’t help that I am so irritable and also am afraid to be alone for long.  No one can win right now.  I just have to find the right way through this mess and be better at balancing how I am with everyone.  I respect it is not easy for my mother or anyone to be around me when they just want to help. If I could just achieve more behavioural stability and get a grip. 

 

Thank you for your kind message by the way.  I am taking your advice. I wish you would let others help you, but I respect it’s your decision and your life and that you already have good support. 

Sleep well and heal and hope the switch flips. 

Hope the stars align for no more blips, onwards and upwards, and the possibility of a new ff when the time is right. 

Bless you S. 

R xxxxxxxxxx

[Songbird]

8 hours ago, BreathofAir said:

I don’t believe I have improved enough over the last month and feel very scared about my state of mind.  

Please could you explain a bit more why you believe the reinstatement is working, because I don’t see it myself. 

 

Because you reported improvements above, and your posts have been sounding better than they were before the reinstatement.

 

We want to see daily symptom notes to look for patterns - it will help us to see what the lorazepam and escitalopram are doing.

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

On 6/5/2019 at 7:44 PM, BreathofAir said:

  

It’s been 4 weeks for me now since I reinstated my Escitalopram and 10 days since being on 7.5mg.  I have now also been on 1mg Lorazepam for 4 weeks.  

 

1. Change nothing for the next two weeks, then review again. 

2. Split the Lorazepam dose throughout the day. Am and Pm and see if this has any effect on mood and anxiety level during the day. 

3. Increase the Escitalopram next week to 8.5mg. 

 

I would be very grateful for any input on my thoughts or any alternative suggestions. 

 

Thank you so much.  Best wishes, 

R xxxxxx

 

Hello  How's your day today?

 

I'm not a moderator so please forgive my butting in. I do really get how frustrating it is to wait. Still, four weeks is really early days...If it were me, I'd go for option 1.

 

I know your GP wants you to updose to 10mg, but he seems oblivious to the fact that updosing most likely means start up symptoms again. I had a similar experience recently....I had to see GP for routine check and she noticed I'm back up on the cit, she asked me how I've been doing recently and (foolishly) I answered her truthfully. She advised me to updose to 20mg 😔 Most certainly won't be doing that.

The sad and rather uncomfortable truth is that most GPs are woefully ignorant of how these drugs work/ the length of time it takes to stabilise, and will almost always advise updosing. It's quite normal to feel heightened symptoms 10 days into an increase, as you are with the escitalopram. It's not because the drug isn't 'enough'....it's the effect of extra drug on a sensitised nervous system. 

 

If you hold out, and if that is what you choose to do, you should begin to see some windows again. Got my fingers crossed for ya xxxxx

[BreathofAir]

Hi Ruth, 

 

Lovely to hear from you. Hope you are doing well yourself.  Thank you for chipping in. I really appreciate being able to discuss this with you, if you don’t mind. 

 

My husband actually wants me to wait as well.  What’s really difficult in all this is I don’t have indefinite help with my daughter.  The summer school holidays are only five weeks away and my mother is going away. My husband cannot take any more time off work and right now I can’t care for my daughter alone.  It is a huge worry.  Everyone keeps saying, oh it’s ages away, but to me, it’s not. 

 

My GP understands that more is not necessarily better in my case because of the dual AD and benzo withdrawal, he just took on board my fear that I might start needing more Lorazepam soon, which no one is sure if it’s actually contributing to my low mood anyway.  I’ve already had what I recognise as some Escitalopram start up symptoms, such as tight head, heartburn and yawning.  

 

Yesterday was awful. I cried all day and worked myself up into such a state.  My husband thinks that because I’m downregulated (obviously we don’t have a clue how much), it might take longer for the Escitalopram to have a greater effect.  I am still concerned that it’s the Lorazepam keeping the lid from completely blowing off!    My GP was thinking to go up slowly but not beyond 10. 

 

I have no thoughts of coming off the Escitalopram for some time if it does start working for me. My priority would be the benzos. They worry me more. 

 

I know you said before that despite going up you didn’t feel any better, but what were your initial withdrawal symptoms, if you don’t mind me asking? Can you remember at all when you felt your mood start to lift?  I didn’t have any depression, only severe anxiety, so what I’m feeling now along with the anxiety is overwhelming.  I thought the anxiety before the Escitalopram was bad, but this right now puts it in the shade. 

 

I know our immediate aims are different, in that you are keen to taper.  I am just desperate to have some sign that I can lift a bit and stay above a certain level to care for my daughter.  I know Dejavu is doing very well, but I can’t compare myself to her because of the dual taper and length of time on medication.  I just feel really stuffed!!! 

 

Sorry for prattling on anyway.  I just really don’t know what to do. 

Any further advice would be very welcome.  How have the last few days been for you? 

 

R xxxxxxx

[Altostrata]

Breath, we need to know your drug schedule interleaved with your symptom pattern, like so

 

On 6/5/2019 at 7:09 PM, Songbird said:

23 June

7 a.m. woke up, anxiety 3/10

8 a.m. ate breakfast, took 20mg Prozac tablet

10 a.m. anxiety 7/10, nausea 3/10

12 p.m. ate lunch, anxiety 5/10, nausea 1/10

2 p.m. anxiety 4/10, nausea 2/10

6 p.m. ate dinner, took magnesium tablet 200mg, anxiety 2/10, no nausea

8 p.m. anxiety 1/10

11 p.m. went to bed, anxiety 2/10, difficulty falling asleep for 2 hours

4 a.m. woke up, no anxiety, went back to sleep for 3 hours

 

This will help us figure out what to do about lorazepam, and what the escilatopram is doing.

[sunnysideup69]

14 hours ago, BreathofAir said:

 

I know you said before that despite going up you didn’t feel any better, but what were your initial withdrawal symptoms, if you don’t mind me asking? Can you remember at all when you felt your mood start to lift?  I didn’t have any depression, only severe anxiety, so what I’m feeling now along with the anxiety is overwhelming.  I thought the anxiety before the Escitalopram was bad, but this right now puts it in the shade. 

 

Don't mind you asking at all. 

 

Between June 11th and end of August last year, it's hard to say when symptoms started to lift, as I was changing drug doses all over the place.  

 

In all honesty, I didn't begin to feel better until November, not in any consistent sense. So not until a good two or three months after just settling on one dose. 

 

And it's been a very up and down recovery to feeling better since then. I'm still quite fragile at times, even though I'm back at work etc. 

 

Are there friends who could rally round and help out with looking after daughter in the summer break- seems like that's what's causing you a lot of stress at the moment, the anticipation of having to take on that task. Is there any option of your husband being temporarily part-time? I'm guessing you guys have discussed all of this, but it seems like creative solutions are called for, kind of less 'black and white.' Any kids clubs running over the hols that would give you both some respite from daughter care?

 

Also, did you see Alto's post above? Try and keep those symptom notes as the mods have requested - it will really help them to advise you on dosing.

 

Sending a big hug from rainy London xxxxx

 

 

[BreathofAir]

Saturday 8 June      Daily symptoms and drug doses

 

9pm        Bed night before took 1mg Diazepam. Was able to fall asleep

3am        Awoke for bathroom, was able to go back to light sleep

7.30am  Cortisol awakening. Burning, feeling sick, anxiety, tried to go back to sleep,   but could not. Nuts and drink

9am        Took 1 Diazepam moving around, light stretching and deep breathing. Feeling shaky, sick and uneasy

9.15am  Breakfast 

9.30am  Walk with dog (low anxiety)

10.00am Out to play centre with daughter.  Mood moderate. Coping. 

11.00am Rise in anxiety/activation feeling. Coping ok. 

12.30pm Lunch (still feeling moderate anxiety) Coping ok. 

1.30pm   Quick shopping.  Anxiety lowering. 

2.30pm   Home. Reading and playing with daughter. Low anxiety. Mood ok.

4.00pm   Reading. Anxiety creeping up. Headache. Feeling tired.

5.00pm   Prepare dinner (slightly anxious, but coping) Mood dropped

6.00pm   Eat Dinner (anxiety low), play with daughter 

7.00pm   Get daughter ready for bed 

7.30pm   High anxiety spike. Crying spell. Mood very low. 

8.30pm   Bath (ruminating, trying to calm anxiety, family worries)

9.00pm   1mg Diazepam. Bed

 

 

[RichT]

Hi Rachel,

 

It’s good to see you’re having quite a few periods of low anxiety, and you’re able to play with your daughter too. That’s great!

 

warmest wishes,

 

Rich

[Songbird]

Looks good, but I can't see any escitalopram or lorazepam doses on there?

[BreathofAir]

Sunday 9th June. Daily diary and drug doses

 

9pm         Bed previous evening 1mg Diazepam taken (fell asleep ok)

1am         Awake for bathroom. Back to sleep

5am         Awake, dosed in and out. Fidgety

7am         Cortisol awakening. Moderate anxiety, very nauseous.  1mg Lorazepam taken. 

7.45am   Got up, breakfast. Household jobs. Anxiety rising. Mood moderate. 

8.30am   Walked dog. Felt jittery 

9am         Diazepam 1mg dose taken

10am       Got daughter ready for birthday party. Low to moderate anxiety

10.30am  7.5mg Escitalopram dose taken.  Set off for party. Mood moderate.

11.30am  Hosted daughter’s birthday party at trampoline park. 15 children. Socialised with children and adults. Coped ok.

                  Ate lunch. Wished I felt normal.  Stabs of sad anxiety. 

2.00pm    Back home. Tired. Feeling emotional and anxious for week ahead. Laid down breathing exercises, but did not sleep.

                  Anxiety moderate, tried to relax.  Tearful, flat. 

4.00pm    Severe anxiety spike. Agitated unable to calm. Worried about being left alone during following week and

                  how long recovery will take. Spike of SI and crying. In and out of house trying to distract.    Extremely irritable. 

5.00pm    Played with daughter outside. 

6.00pm    Dinner. No appetite, but ate. (restless)

6.30pm    Played with daughter, painted.

7.00pm    Walked with dog (feeling calmer)

7.30pm    Got daughter ready for bed. Stories and cuddles (calm)

8.00pm    Yoga and breathing. (Calm)

9.00pm.   1mg Diazepam taken

 

 

 

 

 

 

[BreathofAir]

Dear Anxiety Monkey Brain, 

 

Today, I have got up, walked my dog, got my daughter ready for her party, decorated a cake, made myself look half decent in a dress, driven to the party, organised everyone, socialised, played with the children, enjoyed the adults’ company, watched my daughter and her friends have a fabulous time, come home, crashed a bit and doubted myself, but risen again later in the afternoon.  

 

You can’t take that away from me.  I did it and I was determined to do it all under my OWN motivation. 

 

I thought I wouldn’t even be here, or be able to attend, and would be hiding and crying at home whilst everyone was there without me. 

 

Well. I’ll say it again. I DID IT.  I did it for my daughter, my family, myself and to prove to you that I can do it. 

 

I can overcome. I know you’re strong and tenacious, but only as much as I allow you to be. I know you can sneak in, but I am working on squashing you right down.  I might still cry, and wobble, but it doesn’t mean you’ve won. 

 

Today was mine. For my daughter. 

 

Eat that!!!! 

[RichT]

Well done Rachel!

[BreathofAir]

Thanks Rich 🙂🙂

 

Am trying so hard. It’s scary to have to fight so hard for things that other people might think are nothing at all, but fight we must. 

Hope you’ve had a good day.  Always thinking of you and hoping you’re ok. Are you?

Sleep well and heal well. Bless you. 

Night night. 😴😴😴

R

xxxxxx

 

 

[RichT]

Hi Rachel,

 

I’m feeling frustrated at my limitations at the moment, I’ve tried pushing through by working on my composition but it’s probably not been a wise thing to do. Other than that, I think I am slowly getting better. 

 

‘’Warmest wishes’

 

Rich

[ChessieCat]

55 minutes ago, BreathofAir said:

It’s scary to have to fight so hard for things that other people might think are nothing at all

 

Many/most people have struggles, they are just different struggles.  We have no idea what the person walking down the street or on the train going to work is going through and having to deal with.

 

I went to a career day for unemployed people.  After losing my job and being unemployed for a while my self confidence was very low and I was thinking of business people as being full of confidence.  There was a speaker who was well dressed and came across as very confident.  Towards the end of her presentation she told us that she is always terrified when speaking in public.  Afterwards I thanked her for being so open and honest.  I also had a mentor who had a high up position and also came across as being very confident.  She told me about how she was worried because there were things she didn't know that she needed for her role.

[Sassenach]

Well done special lady