InChristAlone

[InChristAlone]

Thank you ChessieCat. I think you thoughts are probably a big part of what I’m experiencing. My last vacation that I really looked forward too didn’t go great. I think to some extent being off work has become a trigger for me. It’s almost like I’m anticipating not feeling good way too much. This may play in to it for me. 

[ChessieCat]

It's called anticipatory anxiety.

 

You can do a search online for tips on how to manage it.

 

I wouldn't call what I experience as anticipatory anxiety per se, just knowing from experience that I start feeling down once I get home after having an enjoyable experience out and about.  Several years ago I was enjoying chatting to a lady that I met whilst having lunch and I mentioned that I had enjoyed spending time with her but that I knew that when I got home I would feel low.  She suggested that during my trip home (1/2 hour drive) I think of something enjoyable that I could do when I got home.  For example watch a TV show.  I did this and found that the dread of returning to an empty house did not happen like it usually did.  And what was funny was that I didn't end up doing what I had planned during my trip.  But it did work.  Such a simple technique that now makes a difference in my life.

[InChristAlone]

Thank you ChessieCat!!

[InChristAlone]

I am feeling pretty tough this morning. Anxiety is pretty high. It started around 3 yesterday afternoon and has carried into this morning. I was off Wednesday through yesterday, and I felt ok most of the time, mixed in with some hours of feeling good and some of feeling bad.

 

Today I feel pretty rough. The ups and downs of the past 3 months have been pretty hard. From my journal it seems that about a third of the days have been hard, a third of the days pretty good, and then a third of the days somewhere in the middle.

 

Im praying to stabilize soon. I’m really hoping to get to a point where each day is mostly ok and I have a moments of feeling good. 
 

I do think that my moments of feeling good have been better lately than I was used too. My anxiety has me convinced today that more than antidepressant withdrawal is going on, mainly because sim experiencing some different physical symptoms (worse brain fog, headache, trouble eating, muscle weakness) which I think are all pretty common withdrawal symptoms. 
 

Im praying we all have long windows soon! 

[ChessieCat]

8 hours ago, InChristAlone said:

I was off Wednesday through yesterday, and I felt ok most of the time, mixed in with some hours of feeling good and some of feeling bad.

 

Sounds like you might have overdone something/some things.  We have other members reporting this happening.

 

As part of the process of recovering we need to learn to pace ourselves.

[InChristAlone]

That’s definitely possible. I’m feeling pretty bad tonight. Praying for a better day tomorrow.

 

Thanks ChessieCat! 

[InChristAlone]

Hello SA. I have still not stabilized since cutting my Effexor too much over several months about a year ago. Then, I made a 10% cut in August and have pretty much been destabilized since early September. 
 

My cuts last year were big:

Nov. 2020 from 57mg to 37.5mg

Dec. 2020 to 20mg

Jan. 2021 to 12mg

Feb. 2021 to 7mg 

Aug. 2021 to 6.3mg

 

I regret cutting in this manner and have probably caused myself quite a bit of unnecessary discomfort.

 

My question is since I haven’t stabilized should I consider a small updose or am I too far out and should just ride this wave??

 

I am working and am probably having the most work related stress I’ve had since starting the withdrawal and much of that will be over in the middle of February. Some days it takes all I have to fake functioning. I have been fortunate that it has been lifting some between 7-9 pm a lot of days as of the last 3-weeks or so. 
 

Most of this time (last several months) my biggest issue has been intense anxiety and just not looking forward to anything. That nasty doom and gloom feeling. A few days ago I started to feel tingling in my arms and legs and that has heightened my anxiety because it is the first time in withdrawal. I keep thinking I have to be close to stabilizing, but it just doesn’t happen.

 

What do you think? Is it a big risk to do a small updose? Would the safer thing be to just  keep pushing on toward stabilization and withdrawal normal? 
 

@Altostrata Do you mind giving me advice on this? 

[benesh]

 

2 hours ago, InChristAlone said:

Hello SA. I have still not stabilized since cutting my Effexor too much over several months about a year ago. Then, I made a 10% cut in August and have pretty much been destabilized since early September. 
 

My cuts last year were big:

Nov. 2020 from 57mg to 37.5mg

Dec. 2020 to 20mg

Jan. 2021 to 12mg

Feb. 2021 to 7mg 

Aug. 2021 to 6.3mg

 

I regret cutting in this manner and have probably caused myself quite a bit of unnecessary discomfort.

 

My question is since I haven’t stabilized should I consider a small updose or am I too far out and should just ride this wave??

 

I am working and am probably having the most work related stress I’ve had since starting the withdrawal and much of that will be over in the middle of February. Some days it takes all I have to fake functioning. I have been fortunate that it has been lifting some between 7-9 pm a lot of days as of the last 3-weeks or so. 
 

Most of this time (last several months) my biggest issue has been intense anxiety and just not looking forward to anything. That nasty doom and gloom feeling. A few days ago I started to feel tingling in my arms and legs and that has heightened my anxiety because it is the first time in withdrawal. I keep thinking I have to be close to stabilizing, but it just doesn’t happen.

 

What do you think? Is it a big risk to do a small updose? Would the safer thing be to just  keep pushing on toward stabilization and withdrawal normal? 
 

@Altostrata Do you mind giving me advice on this? 

Hello @InChristAlone,

I am so sorry for the length of your wave. I too had horrific months thinking I would go to the grave this way.

About a week ago I started feeling peace again. My prayer had been Lord PLEASE allow me to have some micro Jesus encounters. I had not gone a day without all consuming dread, anxiety, tears etc…..my world had gotten so small. No longer able to leave the house without my hubby or sister.
Is this finally CNS healing? Answered prayer? A present day miracle? 
I began watching some fellow on YOUTUBE who helped me enormously in this process of healing. His name is AARON KIM. He went through some of his own trials and his words bring great hope for the suffering saint.

I have no ideas about updosing. I started working with a psychiatrist who recommended some additional supplements. 

I also meet virtually with Micheal Priebe, who has already been though his own tapering. 
Finally I found a free on line support group for folks tapering from AD. 

I will be praying for you. A verse that helps even when symptoms persist is Psalm 55:22 The Passion translation.

Freedom for you and all of us in this unwanted journey.

Benesh❤️

[Altostrata]

What are the symptoms of your destabilization? Are they worse at any particular times of day?

 

What times o'clock do you take your drugs, with their dosages? How do you feel before and after each dose?

[InChristAlone]

18 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

What are the symptoms of your destabilization? Are they worse at any particular times of day?

 

Most of the time it has just been intense anxiety. Kind of a feeling of gloom and doom. That I am not going to make it. I have been getting relief a lot of nights starting at 7-9 and lasting until bed. Normally, I feel the worst emotionally between 11 am and then 7-8 pm. Mornings are mostly ok. My sleep has returned to normal after being out of whack on and off for a few weeks. Within the last week I’ve started to have weird tingling/numb sensation in my arms and some in my legs. I have started to have a lot of little muscle twitches going on. I have some muscle weakness too. 

 

I will say that yesterday around 4 or 5 the intense emotional distress sort of went away and I feel pretty good emotionally even today. 
 

I still take 6.3 mg of Effexor and .1 mg of Klonopin at 6 am and . 1 mg of Klonopin at 6 pm. I’ve been really worried to change that and cause more destabilizing.

 

I’m praying that the lift I have is a good sign of moving to a more stabilizing pattern. This time last year I was in a pattern where I pretty much knew what to expect most days. 

[Altostrata]

How long have you been taking Klonopin on that schedule?

 

Please keep daily notes of times o’clock you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms throughout the day. We need to know how you feel before and after taking each drug, and your symptoms in between. Post 24 hours of notes at a time in this topic, in a simple list format with time o’clock on the left and notation (symptom or drug and dosage) on the right. This can show if your symptoms are adverse effects from one of your drugs.

[Mia1]

Hi @InChristAlonestopping by to say hi and see how you are doing. If it were me I would push through the wave, considering all of the work stress it sounds like you’re handling it pretty well.

[InChristAlone]

I am keeping daily notes, but I have been doing it in a written journal. I’ve been trying to spend less time on here because I don’t want to feed being obsessed with withdrawal.

 

Here is an update: I still don’t feel very good a lot of the time. Probably the majority of the time, but I am feeling different. I think I’m starting to ever so slowly improve in my baseline. I think I’m inching toward being stable again. I have been getting a lot of days where I feel almost normal in the evening. I want to cling to that feeling so hard when I go to sleep, but it’s gone when I wake up. I’m usually sleeping at least 7 hours and I have slept 9 lately on my one day of the week that I don’t have to get up. 
 

I have new physical symptoms that have came up in the last several weeks. My legs are really achy, especially when I have to be up on them much. My arms seem to get tired way too fast. They were tingling and I was feeling some nerve pain in them, but I think that’s getting better. Been having some headaches lately, but I’m also pretty sure I’m recovering from a mild case of Covid. 
 

I have 3-4 weeks away from finishing

my busiest and most stressful time of year at work. I pray that when I reach that point I will have improved a ton, be proud to have made it through, and really be on my way to stabilizing.

 

I intend to hold on my current doses for quite a while since I threw my nervous systems out of whack by cutting the Effexor too fast. I may hold for a solid year of stability. My mind and nervous system may need that before thinking about beginning my taper again. 
 

I know God has brought me through the last 5 or so months. I could not have made it without His touch and guidance. I appreciate all the support from my friends on here.

 

2 Timothy 1:7 - “For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

[InChristAlone]

I just wanted to post an update today. My legs have been really achy by the end of the day. Sometimes it feels weird when I walking. Also, I have been having twitching all over my body. This has created quite a bit of health anxiety for me. 
 

I think I’m in a better place mentally and emotionally than I have been over the past several months, but it’s hard to tell when the physical symptoms are causing stress. 
 

I may get my legs checked out by a doctor, but I have to believe it’s withdrawal. 
 

I am still getting a lot of good evenings. My legs still bothering me some in the evening (real bad if I’ve been on my feet a lot), but the emotional symptoms are much better at night.

 

At my worst times throughout the day I get really tempted to updose. I would updose if I thought it would stabilize me. Then, I’d continue my taper after letting my body stabilizes for a really long hold. If anyone has any suggestions on that I am open to them. Will my body stabilize quicker without adding back in a little Effexor or would an updose give my body a chance to stabilize some of these symptoms. 

[Mia1]

Hi @InChristAloneI’m taking a break from this site for a while but before I do I wanted to tell you that I don’t think you need to up dose, I think you need to learn how to be less reactive to the symptoms that you do have. I found that a lot of times it was the reaction that was causing the emotional problems and not the symptoms themselves.

 

Even if you did up dose a little and it helped you are still going to experience symptoms from time to time, it’s a part of the process. Learn how to accept the symptoms.

No judgement whatever you decide, take care of yourself.

[InChristAlone]

Thank you @Mia1!! 
 

Here is an update: I have not updosed. I have continued to push on. I have had some better days. My legs seem to be getting better. I’ve started walking and getting in 10-20 minutes a day on an exercise bike. I have a lot of up and down moments emotionally. Some days are better than others.

 

This recent struggle started exactly 6 months ago today. And about 6-10 months before that I made several large cuts. The cuts were around 50%. I went from 37.5 mg to 6.3 mg in around 6 months. 
 

I think I am in process of stabilizing. I still feel much worse than I did before I made those large cuts. When I made those cuts I had really stabilized from CT Lexapro and felt as though I was well on my way to recovery. I guess I got too confident and cut too fast. 
 

I do long for those days, but I think I might be having glimpses some days of getting back to that point. The other night I actually had a good laugh at a FB video. Not sure I’ve laughed like that in months. It’s been almost two weeks since I had a crying spell, so progress is taking place. Unfortunately, it is nonlinear and much slower than I’d like.

 

I do feel as though I am handling this better than I did the Lexapro CT. I guess I have more coping skills. The last 4 months I was doing a new job at work and it is a highly stressful job. The stressful part of that job is over until next October, so I really hope for tons of healing before that comes around again. I will not cut Effexor again until I make it through next years stressful season.  I can’t believe I made it through, but I know I owe that 100% to God. It was a struggle, but I’m sure has made me much stronger.

 

I pray daily for healing of everyone battling this and I pray for those considering starting these meds. 

[InChristAlone]

Yesterday marked 24 weeks since my last cut. Too many large cuts over the course of several months seems to have destabilized my system quite a bit. Add to the that 6 months of really high work stress, and I have been in a rough place. I think I might be on my way to stabilizing, but I haven’t been having many windows lately. It just seems the bad days are not quite as bad. It seems as though Im having a lot of symptoms as well.

 

Here are my cuts  over the past 2 years:

Feb 2020 - 101 mg 

April 2020 - 93 mg 8% cut

May 2020 - 75 mg 20% cut

Aug 2020 - 66 mg 12% cut

Sep 2020 - 53 mg 20% cut

Nov 2020 - 37.5 mg 30% cut

Dec 2020 - 20 mg 47% cut

Jan 2021 - 12 mg 40% cut

Feb 2021 - 7 mg 42 % cut

Aug 2021 - 6.3 mg 10% cut

 

The cuts from Nov 2020 to Feb 2021 really destabilized me, but it took a few months to really catch up with me. Then, in August I made a 10% cut, but I didn’t realize how destabilized I was until after the cut. 

 

I’ve searched the site for people who cut too much too fast like me, but didn’t go completely off the meds and were able to stabilize at a small dose. Could anyone e point me in the direction of a case like that?

 

Thanks! 

[InChristAlone]

I was hit with a tough wave Monday. Felt really bad this week. It started with a little trouble sleeping. I have slept each night, but less than normal. Broken sleep each night. I started Omega 3s and Vitamin E Saturday night, so I have cut that out in case it brought this on. 
 

My legs have been very achy the last day or so. This definitely causes me health anxiety.  My appetite is gone again. It had came back for a few weeks. I am struggling emotionally. I’ve cried a lot the last 3 days. I hadn’t really cried much the last 2 or 3 weeks. I feel tempted to try and find a med to stabilize me, but my wife keeps encouraging me to push on. I haven’t been very stable for about 6 months now. 
 

My prayer is I am about to get a nice window. I pray that for everyone in the thick of withdrawal. It’s a cruel situation for us, but I have to believe time will heal us. 
 

I can’t wait to find stability and withdrawal normal. Learn a lesson from me and taper as slow as you need to! Harm reduction is important. 

[InChristAlone]

Update:

 

Its been 29 weeks since my last cut. Last week was decent. I had some really good moments. Much less obsessed about withdrawal. Legs didn’t ache as much, but I stayed off of them as much as possible. 
 

I didn’t sleep great last night. It took me a couple hours to fall asleep. This sometimes means I’m in for a several day wave. Hoping that’s not the case. 
 

I have hope that I’m improving. I’m a long way off from where I was before my big cuts last year, but praying to make significant progress soon. 

[Believer]

Hi @InChristAlone

i see from you last post that you were experiencing some improvements since your long hold. Is that still the case?

 

Its great that your wife is supportive, my husband is as well and it makes a huge difference.

 

Stay strong in Christ, he is with you.

[InChristAlone]

I have had some ups and downs (waves and windows) since my last post. I had 2 stretches of 8 days that felt really good, but I’m between was a 6 day stretch that I struggled badly. 
 

I was feeling so bad that I updose my knlonopin to try and help me stabilize and get through the Effexor taper. I updosed to .15mg twice a day. It was probably an overreaction, but I didn’t feel like I was going to make it through. I should have probably just pushed on through.
 

I am in a stretch where when I sleep good I wake up feeling pretty good, but if I have broken sleep or struggle to sleep the next day is rough. I didn’t sleep great last night, so I am struggling a bit today.
 

I have been having strange physical symptoms since early January. I had leg pain in both legs, but I think that is getting better. Now, my left calf twitches constantly when I’m not on my legs. I’ve been feeling internal tremors or vibration in my arms and legs, mostly on my left sides. Also, my left hamstring has been randomly having a burning sensation that started a few days ago. 
 

I think I might be trending toward stabilizing, but I still have a ways to go to get back to where I was last year. I will still be holding for quite a while. I have really struggled in the waves and window pattern since September. I hope to get closer to withdrawal normal some time soon. 
 

Im glad you have support. It makes things much more manageable. I know God has a good plan for us. Right now, I need to learn to accept the situation better. 
 

Prayers for you and everyone else going through this journey! 

[InChristAlone]

Need advice. @Altostrata

 

I have been really struggling with anxiety since about September. I started having physical symptoms in January. My legs started hurting when I am on them much at all. Then, my left leg started twitching nonstop and my feet either feel numb or hurt most days. When I lay down at night I feel this internal vibration in my left leg and arm. Some nights I have broken sleep, some no sleep, but I do get decent sleep most nights (probably 4 nights a week).

 

Daily Summary:

Morning (6-10): If I slept well I usually wake up feeling decent. If sleep was broken or no sleep, I have high anxiety in the morning.

 

Midday (10-3) I usually feel mostly ok during this time unless it is just a really bad wave day.

 

Late Afternoon ( 3-7) This usually the hardest part of my day. Anxiety and obsessiveness about withdrawal is usually the highest. 
 

Evening (7-10) Usually the best part of my day. Occasionally, I will feel rough during this time. It’s been a while since I felt great even during this time. 
 

Meds:

Morning: Effexor 6.3mg, Klonopin .15mg, Zyrtec 20mg, and Nexium 20mg- I didn’t have success with moving Nexium to night. Take at 6:30 am.
 

Evening: Klonopin .15mg take at 6:30 pm.

 

I thought I was going to stabilize, but the physical symptoms have caused me quite a bit of stress and anxiety. I would updose for sure if I knew it would stabilize me. I was doing really well with my taper until I made the big cuts last November. I did updose my Klonopin from .1 to .15 twice a day in the middle of March because I was really struggling for a several day stretch and thought it might give me the relief I needed to get through and stabilize on my current Effexor dose. 
 

I have been waiting to stabilize for about 7 months, but it seems my symptom list is growing rather than things get better. The majority of the time right now I am just surviving from one minute to the next. 
 

Do you think a small updose back to what I was on in August might provide some relief? I was on 7 mg then. 

 

[Altostrata]

Please keep daily notes of times o’clock you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms throughout the day. We need to know how you feel before and after taking each drug, and your symptoms in between. Post 24 hours of notes at a time in this topic, in a simple list format with time o’clock on the left and notation (symptom or drug and dosage) on the right.

[InChristAlone]

4/5/22 

5:45 AM: Slept straight through for 6 hours last night. woke with extreme anxiety and dread for the day. Cortisol seems to be very high in bed. 
 

6:15 AM: Took .15 mg Klonopin, 7mg- started updose from 6.3 today.  Effexor, 20mg Nexium, and 10mg Zyrtec. (I’ve taken this 4 together for whole taper without any problems)

I feel somewhat better after getting up walking dog and moving around. 
 

7:00 AM drive to work, eat breakfast, drink small cup of coffee. Feeling pretty anxious. 
 

8 AM - 11:30AM: Pretty anxious. Trouble sitting still. 
 

11:40 Eat lunch - seem to feel worse after lunch anxiety wise.

 

12 - 4 PM: anxiety is bad. 
 

4 PM Go home from work. Struggled most of day to do my job. 
 

4-8 PM Worst anxiety of the day. Can’t sit still. Cried several times. 6:30 PM took my second dose of 0.15mg of Klonopin. 
 

8 PM Anxiety lets up some. I can sit and watch tv a little.

 

9:30 PM Go to bed. Fall asleep pretty quick. Wake at 1 AM with intense anxiety. Calm myself down and have broken sleep with intense anxiety feeling in my stomach and chest until 5 AM when I get up. 

Symptoms that lasted all day: Left leg twitched any time it’s resting. Random twitching in rest of body. Temperature deregulation on and off. Plantar fasciitis pain in right foot that started Sunday randomly - maybe WD maybe not. Pain in legs is I stand much (started in Jan.) Internal tremors/vibrations on and off throughout the day, especially when sitting or laying down. 

 

*One of my worst days of the past couple of weeks. Seem to be having more bad days of late though. I thought I would stabilize. Had been holding for 8 months, but things seem to be heading in the other direction. 

 

 

 

[InChristAlone]

5:45 AM - woke up. Slightly anxious.

6:30 AM - Took Klonopin 0.15mg, Effexor 7mg, Lexapro 20mg, Zyrtec 10mg.

7:30 AM at work. Anxiety somewhat better. Feeling of dread for day.

8-11:30 Feel about the same

11:30-12:00 Lunch: anxiety slightly less 

12-5 PM Feel ok.

5 PM Eat dinner. Still feel pretty decent. Having normal conversation with wife and son.

6:30 PM Take Klonopin 0.15mg.

7-9:30 PM Feel as close to normal as I get during the struggle I’ve been going through for past 7 months.

9:30 Go to bed.

9:30-5:45 Sleep straight through the night. Much better than night before.

 

Symptoms that lasted all day: Left leg twitched any time it’s resting. Random twitching in rest of body. Temperature deregulation on and off. Plantar fasciitis pain in right foot that started Sunday randomly - maybe WD maybe not. Pain in legs if I stand much (started in Jan.) Internal tremors/vibrations on and off throughout the day, especially when sitting or laying down. 
 

A much better day than day before. I’ve been cycle through these kind of days for months. I just can’t seem to get to a point of withdrawal normal. 

[InChristAlone]

5:45 AM - woke up. Slightly anxious.

6:30 AM - Took Klonopin 0.15mg, Effexor 7mg, Lexapro 20mg, Zyrtec 10mg.

7:30 AM at work. Anxiety somewhat Feel some dread.

8-11:30 Feel about the same

11:30-12:00 Lunch: anxiety slightly less. Stressed for a few minutes because I can’t felt like I wasn’t excited about anything in life. 

12-6:30 PM Feel ok.

6:30 PM Take Klonopin 0.15mg.

6:30-8:00 Coach son’s basketball practice. Distracts me and I feel ok. 

8-10 PM Feel pretty decent. 

9:30 Go to bed.

9:30-5:45 Sleep straight through the night.

 

Symptoms that lasted all day: Headache on and off throughout day.  Left leg twitched any time it’s resting.  Random twitching in rest of body. Temperature deregulation on and off. Plantar fasciitis pain in right foot that started Sunday randomly - maybe WD maybe not - seems to be getting better. Stood quite a bit yesterday w/o leg pain developing. Possibly a positive sign of improvement there. Only noticed internal tremors when I woke at 5:45 - possibly cortisol levels high??
 

It was not a bad day if withdrawal. Wish the worst days were like this. 

[InChristAlone]

Friday 4/8/22 and Saturday 4/9/22 were mostly decent days. Maybe what a window is for me at this point of my recovery from the way too fast cuts. 
 

Sunday was a rough day. I cried a lot. I was still able to coach my sons AAU basketball game, but it was a hard day overall.

 

Some of my physical symptoms are with me all day everyday at this point. My left leg hasn’t stopped twitching in weeks. I do have an EMG scheduled for May 4. I seem to have leg weakness in both legs though. Can’t stand or walk as much as I am used to, which is stressful. I’ve been having joint pain in my right hip daily for weeks as well. This weekend I started having joint pain in my right hand. I guess most, if not all, of these pains can be attributed to Effexor withdrawal. I’m hoping so and that they melt away one day. Do these symptoms seem like withdrawal symptoms? 
 

I’m hoping I am in the window and wave pattern of recovery. It’s just hard to see because I had got to a place where waves were rare and minor. I guess I have made it hard on myself by going through CT withdrawal from Lexapro and getting to a stable place and then cutting Effexor too fast. 
 

I wish I would not have updosed, but at 8 months of this up and down pattern I was getting so physically and mentally exhausted I felt I needed some kind of relief. I’m not sure I have gotten any, but it really hasn’t had enough time to take effect. 
 

The suffering of withdrawal is hard to fathom. Before 2018 I didn’t know this kind of emotional pain was possible. I pray that God is glorified through my suffering. My faith in Him is still a part of who I am. I feel like I don’t know who I am in a lot of ways, but I do know I am a follower of Christ, a husband, and a dad. Those parts of me keep me fighting for a day when this is my past and no longer a daily struggle. 
 

I pray daily for everyone struggling with withdrawal, and for anyone considering starting one of these meds. 

[Mia1]

Hi @InChristAloneI’m so sorry you’re struggling so much. How are you feeling now? It sounds like you’re in a wave but please remember that they don’t last forever and you will be feeling better soon. Sending some healing prayers your way 🌸

[InChristAlone]

Thank you @Mia1. I hope your journey is going well!

 

Update:

 

I had a stretch from last Tuesday 4/19 to Sunday 4/24 where I felt really good a lot of the time. Last Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday I felt really, really good emotionally, and the physical symptoms didn’t bother me as much. Yesterday, was not as good, but it wasn’t terrible either. I didn’t sleep great last night, but I’m hopeful I will have a good day today. 
 

Those 3 days of feeling close to normal were a great relief to me. It gives me hope that it was glimpse of what the future holds, and that I am close to stabilizing. 
 

I also want to note that I stopped my daily dose of Zyrtec last week. 
 

Prayers for windows and healing for all. 

[InChristAlone]

Also, wanted to note that EMG was moved up, and I had normal results. It was moved up because of the Imaging place needed to move it not because I called and tried to get it moved up. LOL

[InChristAlone]

Just checking in for an update:

 

I haven’t had a really hard day in 2-weeks. The last 2-weeks have been a mixture of really good days and moments and ok days and moments. I feel like I have turned a small corner in stabilizing. With that being said, I understand that I will most likely get hit with some more bad days. Maybe many more bad days in the process. Hopefully, I’m moving in a direction where they get less and less and also less intense when they come. 
 

The last 8-9 months have been challenging. I have dealt with sleep issues, physical, mental, and emotional symptoms. I’ve cried more in the last 8 months than the rest of my life combined, but I do believe the pain has purpose. I can feel joy and hope breaking through on a daily basis now, and I think I have laughed at least once everyday for the past 2-weeks. I know this was not the case for many months. 
 

Withdrawal seems cruel and it seems unfair, but life is cruel and unfair at times. When we push through we become stronger. I believe a new day awaits where I am so much different than I was before this all began. I have no desire to be who I was pre medicine. I want to have grown into a stronger, more confident, more compassionate, more loving person. I see it happening, but it’s slow and it’s grueling. It’s happening though. 
 

My faith in Christ is stronger today than it was when this all began. I pray for us all to be strengthened. I pray for us all to push through the hard days, and cling to the hope of becoming who we were meant to be. And I hope so much that I can be support to someone, some day who is going through a difficult, stormy season. 

[Pollyjay]

So happy to read that you are feeling better and have some relief from the symptoms you were having earlier in the year!!!

 

Praying that your recovery will continue. Your words and your prayers for the rest of us bring a lot of hope, thank you!

[InChristAlone]

Update:

 

I still seem to be moving in the direction of stabilizing. I haven’t had a really hard day in 3-weeks. Most days I have some moments that don’t feel great emotionally or with some random physical symptom. My legs are much better. My left leg is still twitching, and I have some random tremors or internal vibrations at times. My sleep has been good lately. 

 

I’m still not where I want to be, but I am able to accept the way I feel much better. I feel like I need a lot of sleep right now. I think my body and mind are exhausted from the process of recovering. 
 

I do feel hope though. I live everyday with faith that God holds the day in His hands. I truly believe that. Sometimes the storms in life can strengthen our faith, and I think this storm has for me. I still have a lot of work to do to recover, and time will do much of it. I do intend to work on myself as well, especially in my daily walk with Christ. 

[InChristAlone]

Update:

 

I had a 4 week stretch of really good days come to an end Monday. I was a little stressed about something and didn’t sleep well and yesterday was rough. I cried a lot. I had broken sleep last night and today isn’t as bad as yesterday, but still not good.

 

I am very grateful for a 4-week window. Things were not perfect, but it was the best I’ve felt in about 10 months, and it lasted for 4-weeks. 
 

It hurts when another wave comes crashing in, especially after an extended period of feeling good. I knew it would most likely come, so I just have to hang on and ignore the irrational and incorrect feelings and thoughts. This too will pass.

 

Im praying it’s short and then I get another great window. I’m praying for that for everyone. Without Christ and my family, I’m not sure I could make it through, but I know their is light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t see it sometimes and at times I have doubt, but my gut tells me better days lie ahead. Also, feeling good for 4-weeks is a strong sign that healing is happening and recovery is inevitable. 

[DazzlingCold]

On 4/26/2022 at 7:48 AM, InChristAlone said:

Thank you @Mia1. I hope your journey is going well!

 

Update:

 

I had a stretch from last Tuesday 4/19 to Sunday 4/24 where I felt really good a lot of the time. Last Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday I felt really, really good emotionally, and the physical symptoms didn’t bother me as much. Yesterday, was not as good, but it wasn’t terrible either. I didn’t sleep great last night, but I’m hopeful I will have a good day today. 
 

Those 3 days of feeling close to normal were a great relief to me. It gives me hope that it was glimpse of what the future holds, and that I am close to stabilizing. 
 

I also want to note that I stopped my daily dose of Zyrtec last week. 
 

Prayers for windows and healing for all. 

Hello @InChristAlone, I am glad to read about your window. I think Im there myself. I am on week 4 of my first dose drop which was over 25%. I have taken Zyrtec for more than 2 years and want to change to Claritin but im reading as much as possible as I want to avoid confusing my nervous system more. Did you feel anything after dropping Zyrtec? 

[InChristAlone]

Honestly, I’m not sure as far as my nervous system goes. I did start to have allergies with this being allergy season, so I started taking it again about 2 weeks ago. I’ve been in a wave since Monday. It’s been the toughest stretch I’ve faced in 6 weeks or so. I don’t really know if it has anything to do with Zyrtec or not though. I do plan to try and get by without it again starting tomorrow. We’ll see how it goes.

 

The window was nice, but the wave In experiencing is pretty rough right now. Praying it passes soon.