InChristAlone

[DazzlingCold]

9 hours ago, InChristAlone said:

Honestly, I’m not sure as far as my nervous system goes. I did start to have allergies with this being allergy season, so I started taking it again about 2 weeks ago. I’ve been in a wave since Monday. It’s been the toughest stretch I’ve faced in 6 weeks or so. I don’t really know if it has anything to do with Zyrtec or not though. I do plan to try and get by without it again starting tomorrow. We’ll see how it goes.

 

The window was nice, but the wave In experiencing is pretty rough right now. Praying it passes soon. 

Praying for you too @InChristAlone

Thank you for sharing

[Mia1]

@InChristAlonehow are you doing?

[InChristAlone]

Hey @Mia1 I just read your update from Thursday, and I’m so happy for you! 
 

I am on my third day of having pretty intense emotional symptoms. I’ve had more trouble accepting things the last couple of days, but for several weeks before that I was doing a pretty good job of accepting the process. My wife noted that I was talking about withdrawal less, and that she had seen my personality come out much more often. She said I had laughed more lately than she had seen in quite a while.

 

I had a 4-week window from mid April to mid May, and that was really nice. I’m hoping I’m in a pattern of stabilizing. Acceptance is still a work in progress for me.

 

Thank you for checking in. I am really excited for you and your progress!  

[InChristAlone]

Update

 

I tapered to 7 mg February of 2021. To get to that dose I made 4 straight cuts at approximately 50%. Cuts were clearly way too big. Then, in August of 2021 I thought I was doing ok, so I cut to 6.3 mg. By September of 2021 I was really starting to struggle. I had been doing quite well in the taper up until that point. In April 2022 I updosed back to 7 mg trying to get some relief. I’m not sure that helped any or not. I have mostly struggled since September of 2021. I did recently have a 27 day window about 2 months ago. Most nights by around 8 pm until bed I feel pretty decent, but the mornings and days seem to be a struggle. I am sleeping pretty good most nights. 
 

I know I caused myself quite a bit of suffering by not following the 10 % recommendation, and I regret it so much. I would like to get my taper back on track. 
 

Right now, I am working and I do have good moments, but for the most part I feel like life is hard on daily basis. I miss being at peace and enjoying life.

 

I do have a question for anyone reading and would love some advice. Do I keep struggling and wait for things to slowly progress back to what my withdrawal normal was before the too fast cuts? Or do I consider an updose and see if I can get to a point where I am more stable and go for a long hold on that dose, and then resume tapering? 
 

With that said, I don’t ask this question out of panic. I just would like to finish this taper off with the least amount of suffering and enjoy life as much as possible. 
 

Thanks for any input! 

[ChessieCat]

9 hours ago, InChristAlone said:

I do have a question for anyone reading and would love some advice. Do I keep struggling and wait for things to slowly progress back to what my withdrawal normal was before the too fast cuts? Or do I consider an updose and see if I can get to a point where I am more stable and go for a long hold on that dose, and then resume tapering? 

 

And I have some questions for you.  I don't necessarily want you to answer them.  They are things for you to consider.

 

Do you feel better than you did at your worst?

 

Is how you feel at this time tolerable?

 

I have seen some members of SA try to find the "perfect dose" and ended up making things worse.  The effect on the nervous system of going on/off drugs and up/down dose is cumulative.  Some members have done something that they have done before and it work then, and sometimes multiple times, but there came a time when they did it again and they became unstable.

 

So ask yourself the above questions and think about how you would feel if you made things worse possibly due to being impatient and not wanting to allow the brain to do what it is trying to do, which is regain homeostasis.  Sometimes the best things to do is to wait and leave things alone and let the healing happen instead of trying to fix it.  Not doing anything is actually doing something even though it doesn't feel like it.  It is giving your brain the time it needs to do what it needs to do.

[InChristAlone]

Thank you ChessieCat! You have given me a lot to think about. You basically said the same thing my wife said to me. 
 

I do think I have made progress. It is so very slow though. I really wish that I would have been smarter in my taper. I hope I can help others understand that getting in a hurry can cause so much unnecessary pain along the path to be med free. My plan right now is to continue to push ahead with faith that healing is happening. 
 

I really appreciate your guidance and input! 

[ChessieCat]

5 hours ago, InChristAlone said:

I do think I have made progress. It is so very slow though.

 

It may be slow but is is happening.  And that is the thing that you need to focus on.  When we are unwell, we want to get better. 

 

I going through this myself at the moment.  I stopped taking Vitamin D tablets back in May.  It is winter here at the moment and I don't get outside in the sun much because of the cool temperatures.  About 3 weeks after stopping my Vit D (I have only just a few days ago discovered that this is probably the reason) I got sick with a flu and it took 4 weeks to get nearly over it and I've now got what is probably a fairly bad head cold; I had aches and pains (the flu was in my chest this is in my head).  And I've now been sick for almost another week.

 

And I bet you can guess how I'm feeling.  I am very frustrated and I am sick of being sick.  But getting stressed about it isn't going to make me better and in fact can slow my recovery.  See below: 

 

Please note that I am not posting this with regards to detoxing but it is about how stress affects the body:

 

STRESS

 

Quote from the video:

 

any time that you have a stress response you're  going to decrease repair so basically you can  

defend yourself or you can repair stuff but you can't do both at the same time

 

This is a video about liver detox but the part that I would like to you to watch, and this is where the link begins, is the explanation about stress and the body:

 

Sten Ekberg:  #1 Absolute Best FATTY LIVER DETOX

[ChessieCat]

And I'm also annoyed with myself for having stopped taking them!  I had been taking them for about 12 years and had hardly ever been sick.  Now I'm concerned that because my resistance is really low that I'm going to catch Covid, which I haven't yet had.  Hopefully restarting the Vitamin D will help me to recover fully and quickly now.

[InChristAlone]

Thank you again ChessieCat Cat for you advice and wisdom! I’m sorry for the frustration of stopping your Vit D and dealing with being sick. I’m sure that has not been fun at all. I know how feel to be annoyed with yourself. When I think of how I messed my taper up I get really frustrated with myself. Trying to forgive myself, and let it go. What’s done is done. 
 

Sending prayers your way that restarting the Vit D helps strengthen your immune system and that you heal from your flu and head cold! 
 

I do plan to continue my hold. I’ve been at 7 mg basically for 17.5 months (except for the 6 months or so that I was at 6.3 mg). I keep telling myself that a lot of adjustments have taken place within my body, and that at some point, probably soon, I’ll start reaping the rewards of of the healing that is happening. 
 

I wish I would have listened to you a year and a half ago, but I am evidently one of those guys who likes to learn his lessons the hard way. 🤦‍♂️ I hope someone reads my thread and decides to go SLOW. My advice, and I heard this from the guy on The Anxious Truth Podcast:

 

“If you think you are going SLOW, then go SLOWER.”

[InChristAlone]

Update:

 

I just got back from a 3 night 4 day trip to a lake about an hour from my house. I spent time with my wife and son. Every day we were there was mostly good or ok with about 1-3 hours each day that felt a little bad. I am happy that I was able to have some good memories from the trip. 
 

Symptoms right now:

 

Left calf area pretty much twitches all the time. The intensity of the twitch changes. I can’t really tell if there is any rhyme or reason to the intensity.

 

My right foot feels numb or tingly to some extent and different points throughout the day.

 

My legs feel weak at times, but I can still pretty much walk as much as I want. Just standing seems to make them feel worse.

 

My fingers feel tingly at times most days.

 

Anxiety and/or a feeling of despair comes on most afternoons at varying degrees.

 

Some days I wake up very anxious. Most of the time it passes within 30 minutes or so of getting up. 

 

Lastly, I still have days where I feel utter despair that comes on. Sometimes it’s one day and sometimes it last for 5 days. Recently, the longest spells of bad days has been 3. 

It’s been about 8-9 weeks since I’ve had a day that felt really good all day. At that time I had a window of  27 days where I felt mostly good most of the time. That is the only window like that that I have had in the previous 43 weeks. 

 

[InChristAlone]

Update:

 

I am coming up on 18 months since I have been down to 7 mg on Effexor XR. Several of those months were at 6.3 mg, but I updosed in search of some relief. I’m not sure if helped. Maybe a little. During this time I have really struggled for the past 11 or so months. 
 

I had a hard day yesterday. It seems I have 3-5 really hard days a month, and I usually have 7-10 mostly good days a month. The rest of the days are somewhere in between.

 

My foot numbness seems to be gone for the moment.

 

I just started having random pain under my right rib cage area. 🤷‍♂️
 

My vision is off when I feel bad, and mostly normal when I feel good. I think this is derealization. 
 

I haven’t noticed the tingling in my hands as much of late.

 

My left calf still twitches nonstop. This hasn’t changed since at least March. 
 

I wake up sick at my stomach everyday now. I think it’s a cortisol rush. This has been going on for a month or so. 

 

I seem to be in a cycle of physical things coming and going with varying intensity. 
 

The emotional ups and downs are still difficult to navigate. I just started back to work after 8 weeks off (normal schedule no WD related) and we are approaching my busy, stressful time of year. I’d hoped much of this would have resolved by now, but it hasn’t. 
 

I think I see improvement in my baseline overall, but it is happening so gradually that it’s hard to say for sure. This is especially difficult to see when I have good and bad days. Of course, a bad day doesn’t feel like I’ve improved much, but then a good day makes me feel like I have improved a lot.

 

For those who have healed, does this seem like a pretty common healing pattern?  I know I’m not completely off meds, but I’m assuming stabilizing from cutting too fast would be similar to recovery from stopping CT. 
 

Also, my evenings are almost always better than early in the day. It’s like between 6:30-8:00 pm something switches in my brain and I feel much calmer. 

[Mia1]

Hi @InChristAlonehow are you doing? I'm not even close to being recovered but from what you wrote it does sound like you are healing and headed in the right direction. Are you still holding?

[InChristAlone]

Hey @Mia1. I’m sorry you are not even close to recovered. It seems like you have came a long way in your ability to handle things. 
 

I’d say that’s where I am at right now. Yesterday, I felt so bad I wanted to updose, but today I’m much calmer even though I don’t feel great. This is such a long roller coaster ride. It’s emotionally exhausting. 
 

I am still holding. I’ve had some symptoms improve, and some come back. I’m sleeping better, but I have a lot of nights of interrupted sleep after sleeping 3-5 hours. 
 

It seems like I’m in a pattern of 1-2 rough days a week, 2-3 mediocre days, and the. 1-3 days where I feel good, but I don’t enjoy those days completely because withdrawal is never far from my mind.

 

I haven’t taken a dose of more than 7 mg of Effexor in a little over 19 months, so I’m hoping to see steady improvement soon.

 

Prayers you see significant healing soon!!! 

[Mia1]

On 9/27/2022 at 5:04 PM, InChristAlone said:

Hey @Mia1. I’m sorry you are not even close to recovered. It seems like you have came a long way in your ability to handle things. 
 

Thanks, I'm okay, just at the end of my klonopin taper so it's a bit intense at the moment!! I do feel like this experience has helped me to be able to cope more effectively and just accept things more esily. 

 

On 9/27/2022 at 5:04 PM, InChristAlone said:

It seems like I’m in a pattern of 1-2 rough days a week,

That's really great though, only one to two roughs days a week!! 

On 9/27/2022 at 5:04 PM, InChristAlone said:

I’m hoping to see steady improvement soon.

It sounds like you're getting close to that. This can be a long process, you're doing a great job. Here's to a lot of long windows!!

[Mia1]

It's been such a long time @InChristAlone, how are you doing/feeling?