Stateofmind: 11 years on Zoloft, 10 months off - struggling struggling

[Stateofmind]

Hi,

 

I have struggled with anxiety for a long time and Zoloft saved me and I was on it for 11 years and tapered off slowly over a year as I felt stronger and did not want to take it for life. My last dose was December 2018 and I was fine.

 

But these last couple of months, I am struggling with anxiety and my moods. Having emotional blunting and worsening derealisation, my derealisation I feel came on in 2016 for no reason and has not gone away. I really feel dead inside. When playing video games I feel in auto pilot and have no enjoyment attached to it. I can have a laugh at work with my friends but I feel dead and detached/

 

I even had a massive anxiety attack in June, that made my heart rate so high I had to go to emergency department, since then I have had mini ones that I have managed to control.

 

I have tried everything, bike riding/exercise, Apple cider vinegar, multivitamins, magnesium, fish oil, vitamin d, probiotics, change of diet, positive thinking etc..

 

I recently had a full blood test done and vitamin D levels are good and bloods are normal. My Bilirubin was high but doctor said there was no clinical significance. 

 

 

But the anxiety is catching me out of nowhere and I am getting anxious over small situations and things, even stuff like the weather is affecting my moods, when it is overcast and dull, I feel really down. 

 

I am on a constant state of alert and it is affecting my hearing/tinnitus. 

 

I really thought I could do it but it seems that I need help.

 

What medication is there that I can take that has the least side effects and will help me feel emotions more again and less blunted and more attached to my body? I have a doctors appointment in a week and I know he is going to say to me go back on meds. 

 

I really don't want to go back on Zoloft as I think that caused some of my emotional blunting towards the end and derealisation.

I have put below in quotes my derealisation symptoms below if it is of any interest. I assume it is derealisation? This came on in 2016 and coming off Zoloft in 2018 has made no difference to it, if anything has made it worse.. 

 

Something changed in me 2016 and I know I do not feel right, it was like I switched into a different state of perception and feeling. Still to this day, I remember how I used to feel and I know that what I am going through is not right. Nothing happened in 2016 apart from going on holiday in July. All this started around October 2016.

 

Mental State:

 

Constant brain fog, heavy headed and feel tired/fatigued. I am detached from myself and do not feel connected with my body, like looking at my arms, feels like they are not a part of me, I feel like I am in a dream and in a haze. Emotionally numb but can feel anxiety and panic with no issues at times. I can carryout daily tasks and work perfect, my mental capacity or memory is not affected and I feel sharp as I have always been and fully aware of what I am doing or what is going on in front of me. Just feel like I am in auto pilot and different from how I normally would feel. I feel like I am in a 24/7 hangover or high, not one day I have had a break from this.

 

Eyes: Constant light sensitivity (Everything is bright to my eyes and it has changed the way I view things especially in dark environments, seems that my eyes are blurry from being light sensitive) Visual snow. My eyes feel heavy and tired and bloodshot at times. Fuzzy vision.

 

Sleeping: I sleep around 10:30pm to 6am but wake up like I have only had 3 hours sleep and really heavy headed and groggy with dry mouth. I never wake up feeling refreshed, it is like I wake up with a hangover, This head space feeling doesn’t go away, it is connected to the above symptoms.  I am tired all day.

 

On some days during the month: I feel really ill, and I mean really ill, On these really ill days, I wake up really fatigued, more so than other days and feel like I am about to come down with something but never do, I feel so ill and really really dead inside, no emotions and feel sick and I feel so tired and weak. It is like I have been hit with a virus out of nowhere overnight. I feel better the next day after sleep, but all the other symptoms like the detachment, feeling spaced out, fatigued, light sensitivity etc..  remain. I have good and bad days. But the really ill days can happen a few times a month. It is like on these really ill days, my current symptoms, are amplified to the extreme.

 

Body: My neck, upper back and jaw feel stiff and tense all the time, especially near the base of the skull and neck and the upper back, It is really noticeable around the back of my neck. Sometimes there is a shooting nerve sensation near my lower neck/upper back.  It is like a nerve spasm. My neck and back are giving me real issues when I work and sleep and general resting. There is a cracking/popping sound between the shoulder blades and spine and neck when I move that area. I get a random dull ache that lasts days on my lower right side back. My neck and back issues are at their worst when I have one of the hearing/tinnitus episodes, I assume they are related? My head at times feels like there is pressure in it and I get more frequent headaches and pains inside my head than I used to. I get headaches when waking up in the morning a few days a week. These headaches can vary on different sides of my brain. I am constantly getting mouth ulcers all the time, so it is a sign that I am run down from something.

 

Hearing: My tinnitus is so loud now and my hearing is becoming different.

 

Every day when I get home from work, I am exhausted.

 

Thank you

 

Edited September 22, 2019 by ChessieCat
formatted post

[Stateofmind]

Hi,

 

I have struggled with anxiety for a long time and Zoloft saved me and I was on it for 11 years and tapered off slowly over a year as I felt stronger and did not want to take it for life. My last dose was December 2018 and I was fine.

 

But these last couple of months, I am struggling with anxiety and my moods. Having emotional blunting and worsening derealisation, my derealisation I feel came on in 2016 for no reason and has not gone away. I really feel dead inside. When playing video games I feel in auto pilot and have no enjoyment attached to it. I can have a laugh at work with my friends but I feel dead and detached/

 

I even had a massive anxiety attack in June, that made my heart rate so high I had to go to emergency department, since then I have had mini ones that I have managed to control.

 

I have tried everything, bike riding/exercise, Apple cider vinegar, multivitamins, magnesium, fish oil, vitamin d, probiotics, change of diet, positive thinking etc..

 

I recently had a full blood test done and vitamin D levels are good and bloods are normal. My Bilirubin was high but doctor said there was no clinical significance. 

 

 

But the anxiety is catching me out of nowhere and I am getting anxious over small situations and things, even stuff like the weather is affecting my moods, when it is overcast and dull, I feel really down. 

 

I am on a constant state of alert and it is affecting my hearing/tinnitus. 

 

I really thought I could do it but it seems that I need help.

 

What medication is there that I can take that has the least side effects and will help me feel emotions more again and less blunted and more attached to my body? I have a doctors appointment in a week and I know he is going to say to me go back on meds. 

 

I really don't want to go back on Zoloft as I think that caused some of my emotional blunting towards the end and derealisation.

 

Thanks

 

Edited September 22, 2019 by ChessieCat
moved from Symptoms and Self Care

[Altostrata]

Welcome, State.

 

How did you go off Zoloft? Did you have any withdrawal symptoms as you went off?

[Stateofmind]

18 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Welcome, State.

 

How did you go off Zoloft? Did you have any withdrawal symptoms as you went off?

 

Hi there.

 

I was on Zoloft 100mg from 2007 to December 2018, I decided late 2017 to start reducing the dosage by 25mg every 3 months and see how I reacted. So to reduce from 100mg to 75mg I would take 100mg on day 1 and 75mg the next day and then 100mg the day after and do that for about 2 months and stay on 75mg for a month to see how I felt, and then do the same for 50mg etc.. until the last few months I was taking 6.5mg using a pill cutter and then 3.25 every other day.

 

The withdrawals were okay as I did it slowly. I did get head zaps, weird dreams and days feeling ill but about 2 months after my last dose, they went away. My derealisation has stayed the same all the time (bad). About 5 months after my last dose, I started getting anxiety back again and I was hit with bad news of my cousin taking his own life, which made me depressed about that and since then my anxiety and depression and derealisation are at their worst.

 

I really feel down at times and days I wake up completely numb, no emotions. Most of this is explained in my first post.

 

I do not want to go back on meds as I did so well coming off them after 11 years and I would like the derealisation to go and also feel me again. I need to find a way to treat my anxiety/depression naturally. Surely I cannot be having withdrawals now? Or is my brain still trying to rebalance itself? Do I ride it out hoping it will fade?

 

I am interested in trying CBD oil..

 

Thanks

 

 

[Twelvenoteheaven]

Hi friend,

 

I know you said you feel like you’ve tried all the supplements, diet, exercise etc. but have you tried 5-HTP? It is my most dependable supplement for gently calming your nerves, uplifting spirits, and enhanced cognition. Everything nice! I have sworn by it for so long. 

My roommate has been struggling with anxiety for well over a year now and he finally agreed to take my advice and try 100 mg of Natrol 5-HTP.  (See Alto's post regarding this suggestion)  He noticed a difference within 10 minutes of taking it. 

I would highly recommend swinging by a Walgreens or CVS and buying a bottle of 100 mg Natrol brand 5-HTP. Supplements aren’t all created equal and I’ve found Natrol has the best quality. 

 

Do do you have any questions? I have more information on this stuff than I know what to do with. I would say to keep your doc appt if it makes you feel better but definitely give this a try for a day before you go back on Zoloft. 

 

-12

 

Edited September 25, 2019 by ChessieCat
added link to Alto's post

[Altostrata]

State, you got withdrawal symptoms while you were tapering. Skipping or alternating doses can do this, a steady, gradual reduction is easier on your nervous system.

 

How often do you get these odd symptoms now? Have they gotten better or worse over the last few months?

 

@Twelvenoteheaven we find people react unpredictably to 5-HTP and other supplements, so we are very careful about recommending them. What works for one person might make another person worse.

[persistente]

On 9/24/2019 at 8:07 PM, Stateofmind said:

 

Surely I cannot be having withdrawals now? Or is my brain still trying to rebalance itself? Do I ride it out hoping it will fade?

 

I am interested in trying CBD oil..

 

Thanks

 

 

I know how strange can it sound if you are at the beginning of finding the support in any of the groups  among fellow sufferers but surely you could be having withdrawals now. 

[Stateofmind]

23 minutes ago, persistente said:

I know how strange can it sound if you are at the beginning of finding the support in any of the groups  among fellow sufferers but surely you could be having withdrawals now. 

 

 

Is this even possible for me to start having withdrawals now after 10 months off Zoloft? Yes the 1st month or two was weird and I noticed feeling ill and general withdrawals.

I think it is my anxiety kicking back in and I am having difficulty trying to suppress it as I no long have any medication to help out. So I am in the deep end.

 

I do not want to go back on meds, but I want my derealisation and anxiety to go away.

[Stateofmind]

8 hours ago, Altostrata said:

State, you got withdrawal symptoms while you were tapering. Skipping or alternating doses can do this, a steady, gradual reduction is easier on your nervous system.

 

How often do you get these odd symptoms now? Have they gotten better or worse over the last few months?

 

@Twelvenoteheaven we find people react unpredictably to 5-HTP and other supplements, so we are very careful about recommending them. What works for one person might make another person worse.

 

I only had the major withdrawals within the the first month after last dose. Head zaps, feeling weird, flu like symptoms. bad sleep.

But as time went on, they went away and never came back and I felt okay, apart from derealisation and constant light sensitivity and emotional blunting.

But the longer I have been off it, I have noticed the anxiety creeping back in and I am getting days where I wake up completely emotionally numb and out of it.

 

I am not sure what is happening to me, but I think I am slowly becoming worse. 

 

I am trying CBD to see if it will help.

[Stateofmind]

16 hours ago, Twelvenoteheaven said:

Hi friend,

 

I know you said you feel like you’ve tried all the supplements, diet, exercise etc. but have you tried 5-HTP? It is my most dependable supplement for gently calming your nerves, uplifting spirits, and enhanced cognition. Everything nice! I have sworn by it for so long. 

My roommate has been struggling with anxiety for well over a year now and he finally agreed to take my advice and try 100 mg of Natrol 5-HTP.  (See Alto's post regarding this suggestion)  He noticed a difference within 10 minutes of taking it. 

I would highly recommend swinging by a Walgreens or CVS and buying a bottle of 100 mg Natrol brand 5-HTP. Supplements aren’t all created equal and I’ve found Natrol has the best quality. 

 

Do do you have any questions? I have more information on this stuff than I know what to do with. I would say to keep your doc appt if it makes you feel better but definitely give this a try for a day before you go back on Zoloft. 

 

-12

 

 

Thank you for that. I will look into 5htp.

[Altostrata]

1 hour ago, Stateofmind said:

 

 

Is this even possible for me to start having withdrawals now after 10 months off Zoloft? Yes the 1st month or two was weird and I noticed feeling ill and general withdrawals.

I think it is my anxiety kicking back in and I am having difficulty trying to suppress it as I no long have any medication to help out. So I am in the deep end.

 

I do not want to go back on meds, but I want my derealisation and anxiety to go away.

 

Yes, you got acute withdrawal symptoms while tapering and after you went off Zoloft, now you have post-acute withdrawal syndrome.

 

How often do you get anxiety? Does it come in surges? Over the last few months, has it gotten better or worse?

 

We do not recommend experimenting with 5-HTP at high doses. Please see our discussions in the Symptoms and Self-Care forum.

[Stateofmind]

16 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

Yes, you got acute withdrawal symptoms while tapering and after you went off Zoloft, now you have post-acute withdrawal syndrome.

 

How often do you get anxiety? Does it come in surges? Over the last few months, has it gotten better or worse?

 

We do not recommend experimenting with 5-HTP at high doses. Please see our discussions in the Symptoms and Self-Care forum.

 

The anxiety comes and goes, like surges. I have improved my stress levels so I am not as stressed and over thinking things, but the anxiety state of mind remains. If I keep myself busy, then I am okay, despite feeling derealised and emotionally numb. I would say over the last few months it has got worse due to me being anxious about my tinntus which has spiked these last few months as I am on high alert and my mind is unsettled and struggles to fully relax. I will not be trying 5htp and will stick to trying CBD. 

 

I am wondering if this is just a blip and I need to ride it out?

 

So you say I potentially have post withdrawal syndrome, what can be done about that?

 

Thanks again.

[ChessieCat]

Please read these:  are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

 

Here's some additional information which might help you to understand what is happening:

 

Recovery isn't linear it happens in a Windows and Waves Pattern

 

Withdrawal Normal Description

When we take a psychiatric drug, we are adding chemical/s to the brain.  The brain then has to change to adapt to getting the chemical/s.  It might have to change something to do with A and then once that change has been made it affects B so another change has to be made and so on down the line.  It is a chain reaction, a domino effect.

 

The same thing happens when we take the drug away.  That's why it's possible to experience such a vast array of withdrawal symptoms, and they can change, and be of different intensity.

 

These explain it really well:

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

On 8/31/2011 at 5:28 AM, Rhiannon said:

When we stop taking the drug, we have a brain that has designed itself so that it works in the presence of the drug; now it can't work properly without the drug because it's designed itself so that the drug is part of its chemistry and structure. It's like a plant that has grown on a trellis; you can't just yank out the trellis and expect the plant to be okay. When the drug is removed, the remodeling process has to take place in reverse. SO--it's not a matter of just getting the drug out of your system and moving on. If it were that simple, none of us would be here. It's a matter of, as I describe it, having to grow a new brain. I believe this growing-a-new-brain happens throughout the taper process if the taper is slow enough. (If it's too fast, then there's not a lot of time for actually rebalancing things, and basically the brain is just pedaling fast trying to keep us alive.) It also continues to happen, probably for longer than the symptoms actually last, throughout the time of recovery after we are completely off the drug, which is why recovery takes so long.

 

AND

 

On 12/4/2015 at 2:41 AM, apace41 said:

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.  

 

 

[Altostrata]

How often do the anxiety surges occur now? How frequent were they 6 months ago? See The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

You might work on improving your sleep and managing your anxiety:

 

Tips to help sleep -- so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

Path to Better Sleep FREE online for everyone from the US Veterans Administration

 

Music for self-care: Calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

What is the sleep cycle?

 

Melatonin for sleep: Many people find it helpful

 

TV or computer use in evening can disrupt sleep: Bright light signals the brain that it's daytime

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

 

These supplements can help, try a little bit of one at a time to see how they affect you:

 

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

Please let us know how you're doing. If your symptom pattern gets worse, you might consider reinstatement of a very small amount of Prozac, such as 0.5mg.

[Giulietta]

Hello Stateofmind,

 

Welcome to SA. I am glad you found this site - I have found it to be helpful and supportive and I hope you do as well. I am sorry that you are experiencing WD symptoms.

 

Alto and ChessieCat have sent you some  helpful information.

 

I am in WD following what was an apparent CT (cymbalta) in December 2018. I have coped with/suffered (dare I use the word) with a host of symptoms - including one you mentioned - tinnitus.  I had unrelenting tinnitis (all times of the day, different sounds, pitches, etc.) for months - and it finally went away. When I visited the ENT - his first question was if I was getting off ADs! My hearing test was normal.

 

One of the moderators (Sassenach) posted this earlier today about anxiety and I found it helpful:

 

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

 

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest.  At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them.  After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them.  So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

It can take some practice, but AAF really does work.  I hope you give it a try.

 

Guilietta

 

[Stateofmind]

Thanks everyone for the help and links to advice. I am trying CBD oil and have taken it for 6 days now and it has helped massively with the anxiety. Whether it is a placebo effect or not, it is working. I no longer feel on edge all the time and feel calm. 

 

Hopefully my derealisation will go away too. 

[Armorall]

Is the CBD oil still working?

[Stateofmind]

15 minutes ago, Armorall said:

Is the CBD oil still working?

 

 

Yes it is, it has helped massively with my anxiety. It is a big improvement. I still get days that I feel down and ill, but I don’t know what that is? But in terms of anxiety, I am 85% better, on the basis of taking CBD oil.

[Armorall]

What brand do you use? How much do you take in a day?

[Altostrata]

Hello, @Stateofmind, how are you doing?