hortiolis: Antidepressant cravings?

[hortiolis]

About six months ago I went to my doctor because I was having chest pain which she shrugged off as anxiety and prescribed 10 mg of lexapro once a day. it ended up being a serious heart condition but that's another story. I wasn't depressed or anxious at the time but I took the lexapro anyways just to prove my doctor wrong. After about 30 minutes of my first dose I felt a rush of euphoria like I never felt before; music sounded so much intense,energetic and wonderful even music that normally felt blah;I couldn't help but dance and sing along. memes,jokes and things on tv were the funniest thing ever at the time and I was laughing at everything; I would rarely laugh otherwise. I couldn't sleep at night because I had too much excitement; my mind was full of different ideas,thoughts and things I wanted to do. I ended up impulse buying a lot of useless things that I felt like I just had to have at the time using my savings. I did a complete wardrobe overhaul and went through a goth,sport,vintage,hipster phase all in the course of a week. ended up completely redecorating my room. it felt impossible to answer question in class or do my homework which would have been easy before taking lexapro; but I kept taking it anyways because of how good it felt, it was like a constant high. I pick up hobbies that I hadn't done in  forever like model trains and photography; but there wasn't many interesting things to take pictures of where I lived so I had the great idea of dropping everything I was doing at the time and driving across the country to sight see and take pictures. so I packed my things and went with no real plan of how I was gong to do that. I only ended up diving about 50 miles away before my double vision, lack of coordination and reflexes started to come back a side effect of the lexapro. I ended up crashing into a tree; I walked out with only a few scratches but the car was wrecked. I realized I could have seriously hurt or killed someone. I flushed my medication down the toilet so I wouldn't be tempted to take it again. a day afterwards everything that I had done had hit me at once; I felt flabbergasted and even though I only took it for a week I spiraled into a deep depression that lasted over a month. But I resisted the urge to claim I lost my medication and take it again. I got a second opinion and found another doctor that actually found what was really wrong and just in time too. now it's been about six months since I last took lexapro and recently I've been having urges to take it again for fun; life feels boring sober. Especially with everything closed and being alone stuck in quarantine. I found a merchant on the dark web selling lexapro; so I went to a bitcoin ATM added funds to an account and opened a PO box but I manged to stop myself before I bought it.I haven't tried any illegal drugs so I can't imagine those would make me feel but the drug I have the urge to try is lexapro. So do you guys have any advice on how to stop the cravings.

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, Hortiolis.

 

I've brought your situation to the attention of the administrators and other moderators.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, hortiolis.

 

The symptom you describe is antidepressant-induced mania or hypomania, which is a known adverse effect of antidepressants.

 

As this is a site for going off drugs, we have no advice about resisting an urge to take an antidepressant again.

 

Antidepressants may cause or exacerbate heart conditions.

 

Strongly recommend you speak to a psychotherapist.