SurreyGuy: amitriptyline is my poison ...

[SurreyGuy]

It's 3 weeks since I last tapered and I have not properly stabilised yet. At the moment, I am in a typical 'oscillation' phase where good and bad days alternate. On a good day, I feel rested, happy, full of energy, my tinnitus is almost gone, I am not bloated, not constipated, not depressed, etc. On a bad day, I am tired, depressed, my tinnitus is raging and I have painful bloating, etc. It's like day and night. However, when I compare those present symptoms to where I was 2 years ago during my ill-fated cold turkey attempt, I am indeed in a much better place. I now have hope.

 

[SurreyGuy]

I wanted to paste a picture of my progress to date. So proud of the journey so far. I reckon I am probably halfway...

 

[ChessieCat]

Nice and steady!  Good to see.

[SurreyGuy]

Reduced to 9.5mg on 2021-12-23, 10 days ago. I am experiencing a wave of symptoms as I type these words (anxiety and GI issues mostly). It started yesterday evening, triggered by a stressful event, which I could have avoided (silly me!)). I now need to ride that wave the way I rode all the previous waves. In times like these, I look back at my journey to date and tell myself better days will come.

 

 

[SurreyGuy]

Hope. Resilience. Love.

[SurreyGuy]

Believe it or not, I flew today. Right in the middle of my wave. I know what you're thinking: if you can go on a plane and fly, your wave can't be that bad. And yet, it is. Anxiety, GI, abdominal cramps, insomnia, raging tinnitus. They are all there. I was travelling with my wife and son. Without them, I would not have been able to cope. It was really hard... Back home now. To ride that bloody wave. I am feeling low especially with the anxiety symptoms. Anxiety had been gone for 2 whole months. It's now back and it sucks... On the plus side, I am down to 9.5mg now (unless I updose back to 10mg over the next few days...). Anyway, given how bad that wave is, I might need to wait a while before I reduce again...

[SurreyGuy]

Well it's been 17 days since I last tapered and the week #2 wave that is typical of amitriptyline withdrawal has come and gone. No doubt more waves will develop before I taper again but they should not be as acute as that one. Today, tinnitus is my main symptoms. Yesterday it was so faint. Go figure... I have also become aware of my lesser cognitive capabilities at work recently. Difficulties to concentrate during a meeting or a conversation. Slower to reply, etc. It's not that I can't work but I am not as fast and as spontaneous. I hope it will go. That really scares me. Anyway, I now need to stabilize for the next 10 days or so and then it will be time to taper again. I can't wait to be off that poison but I know I can't rush things. I have been there in 2019 when my doctor got me to quit cold-turkey not one but 3 psychiatric drugs, which I did not need anyway. Too much pain, too much trauma. Never again.

[Future]

Hi Surreyguy I just wanted to thank you for your updates. They are encouraging to me because I am also trying to get of the Amitriptyline poison. I have especially being helped by the way you realised that you have to go slow with the tapering, I am very impatient and have been going far too fast. I am now in a very bad state because of that. So I just wanted to say that you are doing well and I am sure you will succeed in getting off Amitriptyline with the slow pace, and I have decided to follow your example from now on.

Future

 

 

[SurreyGuy]

@Future glad my virtual rambling is of use to someone. I can see from your signature that your tapering was indeed super fast. You literally took over me! 😉 

I am sorry you are in a bad state and struggling. Rest assured it's only temporary. It will go. When I feel bad, I listen to this: Meditation for Benzodiazepine and Psychiatric Drug Withdrawal - YouTube. Maybe it will help you too?

 

Now and then, I am tempted to go faster too, especially once I have stabilised after tapering. I usually feels better after tapering than I felt after the previous tapering, almost like the drug is slowly losing it's grip over me with each small reduction. The improvements are numerous, varied and benefit all aspects of my body and soul. This new me, unknown to me since I have been on that crappy drug for 17 years and forgot who the real me is, is so appealing that I want to be done with the tapering so I can enjoy life but I have been there before, 2 years ago,  when my GP cold-turkey me off not 1 but 3 psychiatric drugs. Out of ignorance, they did what they thought was best for me and it was a disaster. Now they have accepted my reinstatement of amitriptyline and the slow taper...

 

My tapering is a bit unusual in the sense that I am reducing by a constant 0.5mg. This corresponds to a lot less than 10%. What I do when I reach 5mg dose of amitriptyline, I do not know yet... I reckon I probably have another couple of years before I am free from that poison.

 

Edited January 16, 2022 by ChessieCat
fixed up tag

[Future]

I understand how it's getting better after every tapering, I feel the same. Just a pity that I doesn't work to get there faster.

Thanks for the link, I think it was good.

Future

[Mia1]

Hi @SurreyGuy I’m glad you’re doing well after your last taper, it’s great you’re under 10 mg now!!🎉This was a particularly difficult drug for me to taper as well although I went way too fast, it’s good you’re listening to your body and doing it the right way. You’ll get there soon!!

[SurreyGuy]

@Mia1, thanks for stopping by and posting some words of encouragement. How are you? I tapered to 9mg last Wednesday and so far so good. Will see how things are next week. 

[SurreyGuy]

I went through my first wave since I tapered down to 9mg. Mostly some insomnia, a tiny bit of anxiety for 30min or so, 1 or 2 of depression, some muscular and bowel issues, not to mention some spots (courtesy of amitriptyline's effect on hormones I guess). It is frightening how many aspects of my body have been impacted by this tricyclic drug... Anyway, I have seen a lot worse than this wave, I know I will ride it to calmer waters. Looking forward to my next taper in 1 week's time or so.

[SurreyGuy]

Three days ago, anxiety showed its ugly face for a couple of days or so. Gosh I hate anxiety, especially in its akathisia form. It's my worst symptom. It seems to have died down now, which is a relief. I may stabilise an extra week or so at 9mg before tapering further to 8.5mg. On the plus side, I have reduced my melatonin intake to 0.3mg (if I believe the dosage on the label). Seems to still be as effective anyway.

 

I hope all of you survivors are doing fine.

 

SG

[SurreyGuy]

Still at 9mg. I seem to suffer mostly from insomnia at the moment. My other symptoms seem to be just fine. I can fall asleep without too much trouble but I invariably wake up around 02:00 or 03:00 in the morning. On decent nights, I can go back to sleep relatively quickly, within 15min or so. Unfortunately, over the past 1 week or so, I have been unable to go back to sleep after waking up in the middle of the night. It's tough but I will get through this. 💪

[Blossom71]

You will get through this @SurreyGuy

I’m glad to see that your other symptoms have improved but sorry you’re sleep hasn’t been too great x

[SurreyGuy]

Thanks @Blossom71. Insomnia has been really bad recently. I seem to be having 4h nights instead of 6h or 7h. It's affecting my well-being a lot. Also, over the past day or so, I seem to have developed some kind of headache, more like some pressure in my head... very unpleasant. I feel really crap...

[SurreyGuy]

Another month, another taper. This time down to 8.5mg. As usual, the first week following the decrease in dose, I feel pretty good. I even sleep better. Then things get more difficult in the second week. Much more difficult. Groundhog day... kind of...

[SurreyGuy]

Question: have others withdrawing from amitriptyline/Elavil experienced some weight gain? Did their weight gain go away after completion of the withdrawal?

[Future]

Hi Surreyguy

Normally, I am very slim, eat a lot healthy food, and have no problem staying slim.

 I lost 10 kg from withdrawing  other antidepressants and I was only a skeleton. Then I started with amitriptyline and deanxit, had it for some months before starting the tapering. In that time I gained 20 kg!

So now I have 10 kg overweight. I am eating a third of what I ate before, have no appetite and the only “junk food” I sometimes eat is a little bit of 70% chocolate.

 I have tried to cut down on carbohydrates but nothing helps.

 I ended up not eating any carbohydrates at all, and that was not good for me, I couldn’t almost leave bed because of fatigue. Still no weight loose!

 I have no idea what to do!🤷‍♀️

I hope so much that I can get back to normal after finishing the amitriptyline. 

Future

 

 

[SurreyGuy]

Hi @Future, my case is not as extreme as yours. I did loose some weight early on in my withdrawal but now I am about 3kg overweight... 😞

I am not particularly careful with what I eat but maybe I should be...

[SurreyGuy]

What a window I had today. I felt (and still feel as I type those words) truly great. And the weather was nice too. Spring is definitely in the air. I thought I would just record this as I do not want this thread to be uniquely about waves...

[SurreyGuy]

Another post, another taper... This time down to 8mg... Too early to say how difficult this last reduction will be.

[ChessieCat]

3 hours ago, SurreyGuy said:

Too early to say how difficult this last reduction will be.

 

Instead of stating "how difficult" which infers that you are expecting the possibility that things might be hard, I think it would be better to say:

 

"Too early to say how this last reduction is affecting me."

 

The way you stated it has negativity attached to it.  This is an emotive response.

 

My rewording has a neutral tone.  This is a factual response.

 

It is very easy to get stuck in a pattern of "stinking thinking".

 

My daughter sometimes picks me up on what I say.  However, sometimes what I say isn't what I mean; I just haven't worded it the way I am thinking so she assumes that I am thinking negatively.  And this might be the case here with what you have posted.

[SurreyGuy]

On 4/1/2022 at 10:46 PM, ChessieCat said:

 

It is very easy to get stuck in a pattern of "stinking thinking".

 

 

That's interesting because some of my relatives have mentioned this to me too. 😊 

If I'm entirely honest, the way I portray my emotions through words seems to have little impact on how I feel...

Anyway, today is a good day: mood is high, most symptoms are very faint, I feel almost normal. This could be stabilisation. 

 

I wonder if tapering gets easier as one gets closer to 0mg or the other way round...?  

[ChessieCat]

4 hours ago, SurreyGuy said:

I wonder if tapering gets easier as one gets closer to 0mg or the other way round...?  

 

It depends.  Some members find that there are doses that are more difficult to get past than others.  There seems to be no rhyme or reason as to which dose/s, drugs etc.  Also some members find that the lower their dose gets the slower they need to go, reducing less and/or holding for longer.

 

This might be why:  Why taper paper: dose-occupancy curves

 

For me, the further into my taper/the lower my dose got the more my taper faded into the background of my life.  Once this happened it was easy to miss a dose, double dose, make a wrong calculation, measure the dose incorrectly.  I found it necessary to do everything I could to make sure that these mistakes didn't happen.  But even with extra vigilance, I still made a mistake every now and then.

[Sofie]

Dear Surreyguy

 

Just found your thread. I've been taking 20 mg amitriptyline for two years, after doctors prescribed to me for tension headaches following a severe concussion. However, I would like to taper off now, but it seems difficult. I'm inspired by your perseverance! Question: How do you use liquid tapering? Do you crush the 10 mg pills and mix them with water or how? And do you sometimes use a pill splitter as well? 

[ChessieCat]

@Sofie Please create an Introduction topic for yourself so that we can provide you with information and support.

[SurreyGuy]

@Sofie,

More experienced users will be able to point you to the in-depth information you are looking for once you have completed an introduction topic for yourself.

In the meantime, I can tell you about my own experience. I used "solid" taper down to 13mg of amitriptyline at which point I switched to liquid taper. I found it difficult to create a consistent dose with solid taper as the scale I used wasn't very reliable.

For the liquid taper, I simply place a 10mg pill into a small container (a small bottle with a cap), add 10mL of hazelnut milk and leave the container at room temperature for about 1h to 1h30. At which point the pill is more or less dissolved. A good shake usually ensures the solution is well mixed.

Then using a 1mL syringe, I remove the amount I do not need. For example, if I want to take out 0.5mg of amitriptyline, I take out 0.5mL from the solution using the syringe.

It's as easy as that.

I prepare my liquid taper on a daily basis.

Edited August 13, 2022 by Erell
Suppressed member's name

[SurreyGuy]

What can  say... It has been well over month since I last tapered to 8mg but I'm definitely not ready to further reduce the dose yet. I don't know why but 8mg is proving particularly challenging, a bit like 9mg was. What a contrast with 8.5mg which was so easy. I only stayed at 8.5mg for 3 weeks because I felt well. In hindsight, I should have probably stayed a bit longer at 8.5mg... 

 

Menu of the day includes severe insomnia, depression, some GI issues and some brain fog... Yesterday was much better (I only had insomnia issue yesterday). On the plus side, I don't seem to have any anxiety  today.

 

I don't have a choice, I must ride this wave and then taper at my next window...

 

Work is challenging... I sometime whish I could win the lottery and quit to focus on my recovery. It's sad because when I'm in a window I really enjoy my work and I know I'm good at it... Gosh, I really hate doctors and their prescribing of psychiatric drugs...

 

[Sofie]

Rooting for you! Do you ever take an antihistamine for insomnia? 

[SurreyGuy]

Cheers @Sofie! Your post is much appreciated. How are you doing? Have you started your taper? 

 

I have not tried antihistamine yet... I am reluctant to add another drug. I do use melatonin in modest quantities though (I have been using it for over a year and a half now). Have you got any experience of antihistamine?

 

I don't have much trouble falling asleep (I used to struggle falling asleep a lot when I was on higher dose of amitriptyline before my taper, not so much now, which is great). My problem is that I wake up in the middle of the night, typically at 2am or 3am. When things are not so bad, I get back to sleep within 5min to 15min but there are nights, like last night, when I wake up and I am unable to go back to sleep. Just after waking up, my brain and my body are still "sleepy" and it feels like I could go back to sleep but then something happens and within a few minutes I become alert and no longer sleepy. I think it may be something to do with the cortisol cycle being out of whack... 

 

Progress is so frustratingly slow... 

 

 

[Sofie]

I started tapering yesterday actually. Got a small digital weight and a pil cutter/nail file and will try to taper down using that. 

 

I used antihistamine last week, as I had severe insomnia for three nights - probably due to stress over possible withdrawal effects, having a cold and starting to have tinnitus. 

 

The antihistamine worked very well - also better than melatonin in my opinion. Although I'm not fond of other drugs, it's better than no sleep, and antihistamines are not addictive like amitriptyline. 

 

But have you tinnitus while on amitriptyline or tapering? If yes, did it go away or what did you do about it?

The ear doctor said there's nothing wrong with my hearing, so the tinnitus is due to an overload on my nervous system.

[SurreyGuy]

Yes, I do have tinnitus. It started with cold turkey 2 and a half years ago... it's not as bad as it used to be. On a good day I even forget it's there actually. It can fade in the background... today, unfortunately, it's louder because of the wave...

 

I think I am an extreme case when it comes to withdrawal symptoms, but then again everybody says that...

 

Which antihistamine do you use? What strength and when do you take it? 

[Sofie]

I just bought some over the counter antihistamines - took it 1 hour before bedtime. There are a lot of different kinds. I tried a pill called Zyrtec/Cetirizin 10 mg. But I also bought Postafen/Meclozin. 

 

But then there are phenergan/promethazine which you need a prescription for from your doctor. But I think all of them are pretty safe - should make you drowsy and sleep, but easy to stop again. 

 

Do you get an increase in your tension headaches when you taper? And do they ease again when you stabilise on a dose? 

[SurreyGuy]

@Sofie, I do not get the tension headache you are referring to...