catmama: Introduction

July 2, 2023

Hi catmama, I read your last few posts and it feels like I am reading back my own story...I went through severe wd at 33 also and went back up to 5mg out of desperation and a week of suicidal thoughts. I also started EMDR a couple months before going back on 5mg! Then I did a fluoxetine bridge, if you can call it that, so I could taper off the escitalopram. I recently started my fluoxetine taper so it has taken me quite awhile to get here.

I had all the same questions, I was concerned about EMDR being too sensitizing based on what I read here, I was worried about going back up on my escitalopram dose. It took months but I took leave from work, continued the therapy and just focused on surviving. EMDR did bring up some awful things but I think it was necessary. I needed someone to talk to about the awful things I was feeling and to move through it. It had to be the most painful time of my life, but I just knew that healing would be so slow and painful and just focused on staying alive and clawing my way back. I came on here a LOT and it became somewhat of an obsession because it felt like the only place people understood what was happening to me. After awhile I think you realize that reading so much negativity isn't too good for you, BUT it will help you get through these crucial moments until you can step away a little. Hang in there. I know I'm not able to give much advice but just know that I've gotten through the worst of it and I really think you will too. It's been 2.5 years since all that, and it has been a slow process but I don't feel at all the same as I did in the beginning, so I know it's possible for you. I did feel so much better after I went back up on my escitalopram dose...I just kept in mind that I would take as long as I needed this time to taper, and I did.

July 2, 2023

@catmama, I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I would go back and re-read some of the guidance you've been given about switching around your doses too much or too fast. Your body does need stability right now. I know you feel like throwing in the towel, but please give yourself some more time. Your patience will be rewarded, I can assure you that! It's taken me 18 months to stabilize from my first attempt at tapering; I've been holding at the same dose all that time. But you know what? I'm doing much better now! It does get easier....and I know it can for you too. Sending you hugs.... 😻 🌹 ❤️

July 2, 2023

I feel your pain, @catmama. It's not a nice feeling being where you are. We've all been there.

I'm no expert regarding up-dosing. What dose did you last feel ok? Going from 0.5mg to 2.5mg sounds like a significant jump. I'd be guided by Shep above, "I wouldn't go up much". Make sure you give your body sufficient time to adjust to any change.

When I've been in the pits of despair, I've fortunately had someone to talk to in person. Is there someone you could chat with in person or on the telephone at the moment?

You've done so well on this journey; keep fighting 🙏

July 3, 2023

@catmama How is your diet now? Any changes? Many people seek out comfort after breakups, which is understandable. But for those going through withdrawal, a change in diet can cause all sorts of upticks in symptoms. Make sure you're eating healthy, getting plenty of water and getting a 30 minute walk in the sun, weather permitting. This will help probably more than a large updose in your drug.

July 3, 2023

@Shep I was eating some unhealthy comfort foods but I don’t think enough to the point that it would throw me into this bad of a wave. Over two years of slow tapering with tolerable symptoms and suddenly one stressful event has thrown me into what feels like a CT acute WD. I can’t go into work, I can’t exercise, I can barely eat, I can sleep but it’s restless, I have extreme anxiety and suicidal thoughts, when I try to rest I feel electric jolts in my chest and my heart starts pounding. I’ve never experienced anything like this. I feel like I’m being tortured. Is this a nervous system crash? I’m just so confused and scared. I tried holding at 0.58mg but I was feeling almost no improvement. So out of desperation I jumped up again to 2.5mg. I’ve been there two days. The only thing that seems to bring temporary relief is 0.25mg Ativan, but I’m so scared to take it too much. I’m at risk of losing my job, my home, my way of life. I don’t know if I can wait months to stabilize.

July 4, 2023

Thank you all for the advice and support. Going up to 2.5mg was indeed too big of a jump. I had adverse effects after two days - no appetite, anxiety, electric jolts in my chest, suicidal ideation, felt like I was going to mentally “crack.” So last night (my usual Lexapro time is 7pm) I took 1mg and so far this morning I’m not feeling the intense adverse affects.

I also think switching from my usual prescribed liquid to the tablets was contributing as well. I think there’s a filler in the tablet that my body doesn’t tolerate well. I recall having issues with it even at my full dose when my pharmacy switched manufacturers during the pandemic due to ingredient shortages.

I do feel that I will stabilize at 1mg. And down the road that will not be a terrible dose to taper to zero eventually. Right now my biggest stressor is work. I tried working from home last week but it was exhausting. I do not feel well enough to do my job. So I think I’m going to take a leave of absence and apply for temporary disability benefits. The hard part is knowing how much time I think I’ll need. I could stabilize and feel better in a week, or it could be a few months. I don’t really know.

I am also still struggling with the pain of this heartbreak that originally triggered this nightmare wave. I haven’t spoken to my ex in over three weeks but I ruminate on him and the relationship constantly. Our fling was brief, and loving, but also toxic. Due to his many lies, and the fact that I’m a sexual assault survivor, I struggle with feelings of being used. It’s quite anxiety-inducing and triggering. I think I do have some PTSD from it. I’m still waiting to meet with my new therapist. Hopefully she’ll be able to help me sort through it.

July 6, 2023

Thank you for the kind words @tryingtosurvive330

Going up on Lexapro didn’t help me unfortunately, I feel it made me feel worse. So I’m back at 1mg. But hearing that EMDR helped you is encouraging to me! I have my first session next week. I’m eager to get started because I really want to feel better. I have a feeling it will bring a lot of relief, because I’ve already sort of opened the can of worms that is my past trauma (thanks to working with my life coach), so now it’s a matter of processing it and healing.

Being medicated for years leaves us without proper coping mechanisms that most non-medicated people typically learn as they encounter various stressors. So not only are we actively withdrawing, we’re also facing our past (and present) **** head-on with almost no tools. So learning those tools and putting them into action takes extra work and strength.

I hope things continue to improve for you!

July 6, 2023

I understand, luckily for me the updose worked whereas the microdose that I tried when reinstating either didn't help or wasn't enough/made me worse at the time. I hope the 1mg is a good amount for you.

Just keep in mind that EMDR might not feel great afterwards all the time. There were a few sessions where I felt worse, but I reminded myself that sometimes you feel worse before you feel better, since you are tackling some really heavy stuff! Also like you, I'm a survivor of sexual assault and I hadn't talked about it since it happened, which was when I was a teenager. I felt really angry that I had to deal with really traumatic memories while trying to get through withdrawal, but in the end it was worth it. It was really painful and I wondered if I should wait and start it up again later, but I was also in need of all the support I could get so the benefits outweighed the risks. I hope you feel better and are able to take time off work as well - it's so helpful to just have time to just focus on keeping yourself alive.

July 8, 2023

I was able to get two months off work from my doctor. Still done logistics to work out, but it’s a huge weight off my shoulders. I didn’t realize how much work was burning me out. I think this breakup was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. But things had been building a while - work, physical exhaustion, poor diet, poor sleep, toxic relationship, working on deep wounds with life coach, neglecting friendships, withdrawal, not taking time off, pushing myself in the gym. It just got to be too much and I cracked.

I feel somewhat stable now at 1mg liquid. No more chest zaps, panic attacks, or suicidal thoughts, thankfully. But now I feel I have a really long road ahead of me before I feel “normal” again. That is, able to work and take care of myself and be social again. The depression is just such a heavy weight. I know what I need to be doing to feel better, but it’s like I have just 1% willpower. Even thinking about doing something like meditation or stretching or eating better just feels like too much work. My days have just been filled with me mindlessly looking at things on my phone, missing and crying over my ex, and laying around because my energy is so low. Distraction works for a little while, but it’s only a temporary relief. I want to get out of this fugue but idk how to pull myself up.

July 15, 2023

I am continuing to stabilize at 1mg thankfully. My sleep is not great. I have a hard time falling asleep and then I wake up too early and have a hard time going back to sleep, and if I do, it’s very fitful and anxiety-ridden. I get these odd and unpleasant “chest zaps” that feel a bit like brain zaps but they’re in my chest instead. During the day, I get twitches and jolts and shudders in my body that strike at random moments. I’m still struggling with depression and ruminating as well - I get upsetting thoughts like my life is over at 33, my 20’s were stolen from me by trauma and antidepressants and sexual assault, life has already passed me by, I’ll never find healthy love, I’ll never enjoy sex again, I’ll never be able to travel again, I’ll never have children, I’ll never be healthy, etc. It’s not constant, but it’s there and it gets me down. It takes a lot of effort to reframe those thoughts and be positive.

Also my energy levels still are low. I want to exercise and I really miss weightlifting. But I’m scared to push it and further tax my nervous system. Plus it’s super hot here right now (the high tomorrow is 113 °F🥵) and my heat tolerance is almost zero. So even taking walks is hard right now. I know that exercising will probably help my sleep but I’ll have to figure out the right amount and intensity.

Improvements: my appetite is better. I have enough energy and mental/emotional capacity to visit friends, run short errands, and do light housework. The hypersensitivity seems to have abated quite a bit. The dizziness/lightheadedness and nausea are mostly gone. I’m not crying everyday anymore. I can actually smile, laugh, and experience happy emotions. I feel almost “normal” sometimes. Thank god for the ever-expanding windows.

I had my first EMDR therapy session a couple days ago. Immediately after, I felt my mood worsen (more depressed and anxious), but a few hours later I did some deep breathing and more tapping and was able to calm myself down. Since then, I actually feel like the target thought I was taking on in the session has not been as anxiety-inducing. So perhaps it’s working! I have a long way to go still but I have faith in my therapist to guide me. I’m still not back to work so I’m going to take advantage of my time at home and do two sessions per week for some weeks.

I have no intention of resuming my taper any time soon. But I’m ok staying at 1mg for now. I think it will be relatively easy to get to zero from there once I’m ready. I truly feel the worst of it is behind me, and healing will continue to flow. I hope everyone else is experiencing healing and moments of peace as well.

July 16, 2023

15 hours ago, catmama said:

I have no intention of resuming my taper any time soon. But I’m ok staying at 1mg for now. I think it will be relatively easy to get to zero from there once I’m ready. I truly feel the worst of it is behind me, and healing will continue to flow. I hope everyone else is experiencing healing and moments of peace as well.

This is a great update, catmama. You may want to continue on with the 1 mg until you go back to work and see how that extra stress effects you. Hopefully, this stability will carry forth.

July 17, 2023

On 7/16/2023 at 4:58 AM, catmama said:

I truly feel the worst of it is behind me, and healing will continue to flow.

Great news @catmama. I am pleased to read this.

Wishing you well.

August 7, 2023

Update:

yesterday was my 34th birthday. It was a wonderful day, a friend and I went to the coast to enjoy the ocean and cooler weather.

I’m still holding and stabilizing at 1mg Lexapro. Overall I’m so much improved from where I was a month ago. I’m grateful. But I’m still very much dealing with an injured nervous system. A couple nights ago, I didn’t take my dose at my usual time (7pm) bc I was out with coworkers for my birthday. Within about two hours I started feeling so poor. I can’t really put the feeling into words, but I know it’s withdrawal. It’s mostly a feeling of anxiety. I had to take a little Ativan and rush home from my own birthday celebration. It was so frustrating and I felt embarrassed.

I’m still on leave from work. My energy is still very low. And somehow, I’m gaining weight, which has really got me down. I miss the gym. I’m feeling very depressed. I am slowly improving, but it’s so slow. I still get anxious often. My sleep is poor, I don’t wake up feeling rested. When I try to nap, I get adrenaline/anxiety surges that make my heart pound and keep me from feeling relaxed. My eating and appetite are still off. I’m trying to eat low carb, bc I’m a recovering diabetic and have hypothyroidism, but sticking with it is difficult. I still get unpredictable nausea here and there.

I have begun EMDR therapy. It’s been helping. But it’s not easy work.

Right now I’m just feeling very defeated and frustrated. I want my energy back. I want my spark back.

August 13, 2023

Happy belated birthday @catmama I’m glad you celebrated even if you had to leave early. You’re making such progress!

September 19, 2023

Update:

Hello all who find themselves here.

My medical leave from work ended September 5th so I've been back at work two weeks now. It's been challenging. I am surviving, but it's hard. Just being in the office feels exhausting and extremely anxiety inducing - the lights are bright, the sounds are distracting, sitting at my desk is uncomfortable, having to prep and pack healthy food is a chore, it's still really hot out so walking anywhere makes me feel ill, I'm dizzy and lightheaded and nauseated a lot of the time still, and sitting in meetings is a challenge. There have been times I've had to go to the bathroom just to cry in private. The days I work from home (which is unfortunately only on Fridays now), I feel a hundred times better.

I'm really struggling with low energy. Doesn't matter if I sleep five hours or nine, I feel tired all the time. My eyes hurt, I want to lay down all the time. I've gained about 10 lbs in the past several months and am having poor luck sticking to a diet. I haven't had energy to go to the gym (my favorite form of exercise and meditation) in weeks. It frustrates me to tears.

I'm also really lonely. I've slowly been inching back into the dating world but it's overwhelming and I really have to limit myself. I've made huge strides with the EMDR therapy. But I'm still having setbacks when I think of my toxic ex. I'm no-contact with him for over a month now and don't miss him, but I end up having crying spells and just feeling generally depressed and hopeless. I have a lot of anger and resentment because of how abusive and cruel he was to me, when I did nothing to provoke it. (He's a narcissist who took advantage of me.) It's even worse during my luteal phase because of the PMDD. I've tried spending time with friends but it's hard when I still feel physically yucky a lot of the time. Plus a lot of my friends have spouses and/or kids they spend the majority of their time with. I am no one's favorite person.

The more I think about it, the more it hits me that nearly all of my issues stem from taking and/or stopping antidepressants. I mourn the life I used to have. I mourn the life I could've had if I'd never started these drugs.

I'm not sure what to do next. I'm exhausted. I'm emotionally beaten down. I want relief. I want to feel well again.

September 20, 2023

Hi @catmama,

I'm sorry that things have been challenging since returning to work.

Can you chat with your doctor and employer to see if they can accommodate you working at home for a little longer despite the leave running out? Is there any harm in asking the question?

Work can be stressful, and stress can make WD more unpleasant than it already is.

6 hours ago, catmama said:

There have been times I've had to go to the bathroom just to cry in private.

I've experienced this myself, Catmama. I feel your pain. Please remember that you won't always feel this way. We all experience windows and waves on this journey. Sometimes, those waves really hurt and can drag on, but they subside with time.

As to your low energy preventing you from getting to the gym, that would be frustrating. Exercise is a great mood booster/anxiety controller for me. In the past, when I've been in a bad place, I couldn't get out of bed to do my usual exercise with friends, and that would make me feel worse!

I was told to keep a physical activity diary...start small, walk around the house, do 5 or 10 squats in front of the TV, just something, despite how small it may be, and see if it gives you a little boost.

6 hours ago, catmama said:

I'm also really lonely. I've slowly been inching back into the dating world but it's overwhelming and I really have to limit myself.

The dating world can be joyful, but it can be tricky, too. Be kind to yourself and be patient.

6 hours ago, catmama said:

I mourn the life I could've had if I'd never started these drugs.

I've felt this way too. We just have to accept the past and move forward. From personal experience, the trauma of these pills will subside. After 27 or 28 years on these pills myself, I never thought I'd get off them. I still have a way to go, but the advice on this forum has helped me immensely.

You're still young (happy 34th for last month 🎂); keep up the good work, and continue being patient; healing will come.

Emonda

October 10, 2023

Thank you for the words of encouragement @Emonda I like the idea of incorporating little bits of exercise throughout the day. Thankfully, I think we're finally past the 90+ degree days here in my city. So hopefully I'll be able to take walks and bike rides in the evenings after work soon.

October 10, 2023

I'm really having a hard time. Ever since messing with my dose back in July, I haven't gotten back to WD normal. When I was off work in August, I started to feel a little better because I was resting a lot and engaging in stress-reducing activities, but since starting back at work full time in September, I've been feeling crummy. Mostly, it's the physical symptoms: dizziness, lightheadedness, fatigue, nausea, upset stomach, and occasional tension headaches. They interfere with my day to day life and prevent me from being social, exercising, and getting necessary tasks done.

I was planning to resume tapering at the start of the next year (three months from now), but I'm wondering if I should just start now, as it seems I'm not going to be much more stabilized than I am now. It seems to me that the sooner this drug is out of my system, the better.

Anyone have any thoughts?

October 10, 2023

Hi Catmama,

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. My WD symptoms mirror yours exactly. It's soo difficult to live with isn't it? I have been down to 4mg of Prozac since 4th June and I'm still really struggling. I'm going to stick to the 4mg until these symptoms subside. I really try to look after myself when it comes to sleep; healthy food; mindful meditation and gentle exercise. I hope you start to feel better really soon. We can come out the other side and feel good again. I really do believe this.

October 10, 2023

I'm sorry you're going through it too @Tapertrauma. I am doing the same - getting good sleep, eating well, moving, therapy, etc and still having a hard time. I am going to keep thinking on it, but I really do think I'm just going to bite the bullet and resume tapering at the end of this week. I want to be done.

October 10, 2023

Hi Catmama,

I love your "label" by the way. I'm a cat, dog and pony mama!!

I wish you all the very best whatwver you decide to do and I hope it all goes well. I hope we all feel better really soon.

October 11, 2023

Hi @catmama,

11 hours ago, catmama said:

I've been feeling crummy. Mostly, it's the physical symptoms: dizziness, lightheadedness, fatigue, nausea, upset stomach, and occasional tension headaches. They interfere with my day to day life and prevent me from being social, exercising, and getting necessary tasks done.

I'm sorry to read your symptoms persist. It's not nice, I know.

11 hours ago, catmama said:

I was planning to resume tapering at the start of the next year (three months from now), but I'm wondering if I should just start now,

Given you said you feel crummy above, I'd hold a little longer, Catmama. I'm like you; I want this AD out of my system, but I know I have to be patient, or it'll just take longer.

Next year sounds like a good target to me. You don't want to take the next step if your body simply isn't ready.

Time and continued patience...

Emonda

October 17, 2023

I decided to continue holding at 1 mg. I'm still struggling with physical symptoms, but (fingers crossed) they seem to be slowly improving. Dizziness is still the worst though. It seems to be worse when I'm hungry and my blood sugar is dropping or when I'm tired, which is often unfortunately. I hate being at work in person. Hate it. It just fills my "tolerance cup" so much that I feel I'm exhausted just trying to stay afloat. I work 8 hrs a day, Mon-Fri, but that doesn't include the time and effort that goes into commuting, prepping meals to pack, coordinating office appropriate outfits, etc. It ends up being 11+ hrs of my day just for my job that I only do because I have to, not because I love my job. I want a WFH job but they're hard to find in my field (civil engineering) without a professional license, which is a lot of work to obtain. I'm not sure what to do, but if I don't start feeling better soon, I don't know how I'll be able to sustain this.

I also want to keep holding as I go through EMDR therapy. It's been the best therapy I've ever done by far, and I'm so grateful to have an incredibly competent, skilled, and caring therapist. She wants me to prepare to reprocess the sexual assault I experienced at age 28. I'm scared, I haven't done any reprocessing on any big traumas like that. But I also know that after, I will experience healing and relief. I wish I could take a week off work to allow myself to do all this psychological/emotional/somatic work. My job is sucking the life out of me, but I don't know how else to provide for myself financially, as I am single and refuse to become financially dependent on my parents in my 30s.

Thank you to all the amazing people on here who are checking in and providing support and encouragement. I appreciate you so much!

November 3, 2023

On 17.10.2023 at 20:37, catmama said:

Zdecydowałem się kontynuować trzymanie dawki 1 mg. Nadal walczę z objawami fizycznymi, ale (trzymam kciuki) wydają się powoli ustępować. Jednak zawroty głowy są nadal najgorsze. Wydaje się, że jest gorzej, gdy jestem głodny i spada mi poziom cukru we krwi lub gdy jestem zmęczony, co niestety często się zdarza. Nienawidzę być w pracy osobiście. Nienawidzę tego. To po prostu wypełnia mój „kubek tolerancji” tak bardzo, że czuję, że jestem wyczerpany samą próbą utrzymania się na powierzchni. Pracuję 8 godzin dziennie, od poniedziałku do piątku, ale to nie obejmuje czasu i wysiłku włożonego w dojazdy do pracy, przygotowywanie posiłków do spakowania, koordynowanie odpowiedniego stroju do biura itp. Skończy się na tym, że spędzam ponad 11 godzin dziennie tylko dla moją pracę, którą wykonuję tylko dlatego, że muszę, a nie dlatego, że kocham swoją pracę. Chcę pracować w WFH, ale w mojej branży (inżynieria lądowa) ciężko jest znaleźć tę osobę bez licencji zawodowej, a jej zdobycie wiąże się z dużym nakładem pracy. Nie wiem, co robić, ale jeśli wkrótce nie poczuję się lepiej, nie wiem, jak to wytrzymam.

Chcę też dalej się trzymać podczas terapii EMDR. To była najlepsza terapia, jaką kiedykolwiek przeprowadziłam i jestem bardzo wdzięczna, że mam niezwykle kompetentnego, wykwalifikowanego i troskliwego terapeutę. Chce, żebym przygotował się na ponowne przetworzenie napaści na tle seksualnym, którego doświadczyłem w wieku 28 lat. Boję się, nie poddałem się żadnemu przetwarzaniu w związku z żadną taką traumą. Ale wiem też, że potem doświadczę uzdrowienia i ulgi. Chciałbym wziąć tydzień wolnego od pracy, aby móc wykonać całą tę pracę psychologiczną, emocjonalną i somatyczną. Moja praca wysysa ze mnie życie, ale nie wiem, jak inaczej zapewnić sobie utrzymanie finansowe, ponieważ jestem singielką i po trzydziestce nie chcę uzależniać się finansowo od rodziców.

Dziękuję wszystkim niesamowitym ludziom, którzy tu zaglądają i zapewniają wsparcie i zachętę. Bardzo cię doceniam!

I'm reading your thread and I see that your stomach is ok? I'm curious because I was taking escitalopram for a short time and now I have stomach problems in addition. I too would like to exercise small weights but I am almost catatonic

November 4, 2023

23 hours ago, modelarz71 said:

I'm reading your thread and I see that your stomach is ok? I'm curious because I was taking escitalopram for a short time and now I have stomach problems in addition. I too would like to exercise small weights but I am almost catatonic

I am still struggling with bouts of nausea. I’m thinking it might be acid reflux/indigestion. So I’ve been taking famotidine. Sometimes it helps, sometimes not. I was trying to be really strict on my diet (no sugar, no gluten, no diary, low carb, etc) and being restrictive seemed to make it worse. So now I’m just trying to eat more intuitively.

November 4, 2023

I feel like I’ve regressed in my healing and I’m so frustrated. I haven’t changed my dose at all in over four months and I’m still getting hit with waves. Lately it’s been terrible dizziness and lightheadedness. It’s been so bad lately that I feel like I’m walking crooked and afraid I’ll fall over. I feel faint often, thought haven’t actually fainted. I’m trying to keep my blood sugar stable, stay hydrated, always have fresh air flowing, etc and nothing seems to help. I get good sleep according to my Fitbit, but never feel rested or energetic.

My tinnitus is significantly worse too lately, and I wonder if there’s an inner ear thing going on. But I’m hesitant to see the doctor about it because they will just run a bunch of expensive tests and likely not find anything.

I’m in tears daily over this. Antidepressant wd is torture.

November 28, 2023

I am really struggling with dizziness and tinnitus, as well as a fullness or pressure feeling in my ears. Every time I yawn or try to open my mouth wide to pop my ears, I hear a crackling sound and like my ears want to pop, but they never do. I don't know if I should spend the time and money to see a specialist and do a bunch of tests, or if this just withdrwal and I have to suffer through it until it passes.

Also, I believe the moderator who used to comment on my intro is no longer active. How do I go about having an active moderator to help me with questions and symptoms and such?

November 29, 2023

On 11/5/2023 at 8:17 AM, catmama said:

I’m still getting hit with waves. Lately it’s been terrible dizziness and lightheadedness.

On 11/5/2023 at 8:17 AM, catmama said:

My tinnitus is significantly worse too lately, and I wonder if there’s an inner ear thing going on.

8 hours ago, catmama said:

I am really struggling with dizziness and tinnitus, as well as a fullness or pressure feeling in my ears.

8 hours ago, catmama said:

Every time I yawn or try to open my mouth wide to pop my ears, I hear a crackling sound and like my ears want to pop, but they never do.

Hey @catmama,

I can personally relate to everything you've said above, and they certainly sound like typical WD symptoms to me. I'm sure you've already been given this link, but have a look at this Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF)

I find it helpful to reflect on the list from time to time to remind myself that it's WD from the pills...not me. It sounds like you are experiencing those waves. For a while there, back at the start of my tapering journey, I was convinced that these 'windows' were mythical! But nope, eventually, windows came....promptly followed by a round of waves. It's part of the journey.

I went off to the Dr for tinnitus and pressure in my ears (before finding this site). The expensive tests confirmed "nothing was wrong" with me. Sometimes, my tinnitus is dreadful; then, it abates to just 'annoying'. Sometimes 'dreadful' can last a while, but it goes.

Keep pushing on catmama. Maybe pop over to the success stories to give yourself a boost that you too will heal.

Emonda

November 29, 2023

12 hours ago, Emonda said:

But nope, eventually, windows came....promptly followed by a round of waves. It's part of the journey.

Thanks for checking in, @Emonda. I'm definitely still in a wave. I realize now that last week I was in a brief window. And I think I just completely overdid it by trying to jump back into my old habits and activities. Before my big crash six months ago, I had been tapering fairly smoothly for over two years, and waves were about 10% and the other 90% I was in a window. Now it seems like it's flipped. And I don't know when it will get better, and I haven't changed my dose in nearly five months.

December 1, 2023

On 11/30/2023 at 4:13 AM, catmama said:

I realize now that last week I was in a brief window.

You've got to celebrate the positives...despite how small or brief 😊

On 11/30/2023 at 4:13 AM, catmama said:

I think I just completely overdid it by trying to jump back into my old habits and activities.

I reckon we've all done that, catmama. Slow and steady.

On 11/30/2023 at 4:13 AM, catmama said:

I don't know when it will get better, and I haven't changed my dose in nearly five months.

You've been through a bit over the last few months, and that takes its toll. One day at a time, and stability will come...the window last week is encouraging.

December 5, 2023

I'm back to tracking daily symptoms and lifestyle habits to see how they relate (or don't relate) to WD. Yesterday I felt really awful. Today I'm feeling awful as well, but not as bad. One thing I focused on yesterday was hydration. I drank a lot of water with sea salt and potassium salt added to it. I think/hope it's what's helping me feel a bit better today. We shall see. These physical symptoms are now CAUSING the depression. I can't catch a break.

December 5, 2023

12 minutes ago, catmama said:

I'm back to tracking daily symptoms and lifestyle habits to see how they relate (or don't relate) to WD. Yesterday I felt really awful. Today I'm feeling awful as well, but not as bad. One thing I focused on yesterday was hydration. I drank a lot of water with sea salt and potassium salt added to it. I think/hope it's what's helping me feel a bit better today. We shall see. These physical symptoms are now CAUSING the depression. I can't catch a break.

Wow, that's very impressive! I'm glad that hydrating yourself has helped a bit. It's good to see you're doing keto too, as that's supposed to be very helpful for fatigue and depression. Unfortunately I can't do it b/c it causes hypomanic symptoms. Keep up the great work you're doing!

December 5, 2023

On 11/28/2023 at 1:27 PM, catmama said:

I am really struggling with dizziness and tinnitus, as well as a fullness or pressure feeling in my ears. Every time I yawn or try to open my mouth wide to pop my ears, I hear a crackling sound and like my ears want to pop, but they never do. I don't know if I should spend the time and money to see a specialist and do a bunch of tests, or if this just withdrwal and I have to suffer through it until it passes.

Also, I believe the moderator who used to comment on my intro is no longer active. How do I go about having an active moderator to help me with questions and symptoms and such?

That was one of my harder symptoms as well with the ringing and pressure in my ears. It's mostly gone now after over 4 years. Occasionally it will come back for 20-30 mins here or there, but doesn't bother me any more. I went to 3 different doctors the first couple of years and they never found anything wrong with my ears after tests and cleanings. It just sounds like good ole terrible withdrawal. Hang in there, it gets better!

December 5, 2023

1 minute ago, KenA said:

It's mostly gone now after over 4 years.

Thank you @KenA This is really encouraging!

December 8, 2023

So…. It just dawned on me that this recent flare up of severe dizziness and nausea coincides with when I refilled my prescription at a different pharmacy. Sure enough, I checked the labels on both bottles, and DIFFERENT MANUFACTURERS! I immediately took a dose from the old bottle (from CVS) that I seemed to be tolerating. It’s almost empty but I’m going to call my psych NP first tomorrow and ask her to resend the script to CVS instead of Rite Aid. And when I pick it up I’m going to confirm with the pharmacy staff that the manufacturer is the same as before.
wow …. I really hope and pray this is the cause and that now that I’m switching back I will start feeling better again!

December 8, 2023

It is amazing how a different brand can impact you so quickly.

I've read of others on this site having a similar experience quite a few times now.

Within a few days of reverting to the original brand, things return to normal.

Well done on spotting the difference. Keep us posted 🙂

catmama: Introduction

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